January 11, 2006
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Discipline Part 3
I was surprised at the debate in the last post on whether spankings should even take place. I want to look at one area of spanking.
I was spanked regularly when I was a child. I had what I would consider very strict parents. The last time my mother attempted to spank me was when I was 12. It didn’t hurt anymore. So my mother just cried and gave up. I actually felt sorry for her at the time. She sat down and told me I was just going to have to behave from that point on. I got in very little trouble after that.
I don’t look back at spanking as a negative. I felt my parents loved me. I received swatting twice in school. It acted as a deterrent for me personally.
The issue I want to explore is what impact your discipline when you were young had on how you view spanking now. In other words, I wonder first of all if you were spanked by your parents. And then I wonder if you feel that has impacted your decision to spank or not to spank. I realize some of you are talking hypothetically because you don’t have children yet.
What impact does your parent’s style of discipline have on your decision to spank or not spank?
Comments (212)
I discipline my children alot like my parents did me….
Like I stated in the previous post I do spank, but only as a last resort and always in a controlled manner!!!
i was apnked when i was younger.. there are better alternatives in my opinion
top 10?
I personally don’t have children, but my parents spanked me when I was a child and to me, I just saw it as abusive.
I agree with rozebud
I spanked, but only in emergencys like when the kids were running into the street. I was spanked, did not like it but i really don’t think it messed me up. I was a yeller though and my kids had a healthy fear. Now they just laugh at me and call me crazy ha ha.
Children suck, but spanking is stupid and not useful. PUNCH YOUR KIDS.
my parents…are very lenient in their punishment. i’ve never been spanked, and i don’t see the point of it. although if i had been i probably would see…hm. that’s interesting
ryc: it will be interesting to see the results that’s for sure!!! I always knew my parents loved me and we have a great relationship still today. I didn’t get spanked that often, but when I did I definately learned from it.
I was spanked once as a child and I don’t use spanking with my kids. I used what is called grace-based discipline. I do not let them get away with stuff, but I don’t use force to teach them, either.
I have spanked…but I admit it was my own anger and it did nothing to help the behavior. I also don’t use time-outs. My kids are not that good, they just, in my opinion, deserve better. I’m a stay at home mom, so I should be able to handle better discipline.
My parents spanked me in the early years (4-7 maybe) when it was the only way to teach me right from wrong, and I am all the better for it. My opinion on the practice is very much my own, but I can use myself as an example that proves it isn’t abuse.
-Jared
I was never spanked when I was younger, but I also don’t think that it is the way to discipline children. If I was really acting up in public, my mom would take me aside by the arm quite firmly and tell me very clearly that if I didn’t act up, we were leaving wherever we were and I wouldn’t get whatever I wanted at that moment.
Eva.
well, sry i didn’t respond in my last message.. i was so excited i was in the top 10… well: here goes for the responce
my mom never spanked me, i was only spanked once by my dad, and my mom wasn’t happy about it… and i don’t think i would ever be able to hit my child when i have them… it seems too close to abuse for me…
but then again, i’m not the kind of girl who gets in trouble very often… so that one time i got spanked it was probably for a reason! The only reason i ever get grounded is because i don’t clean my room! lol..
i think it mostly depends on how bad the children are, because i was a pretty good kid, i like to say, and i only got spanked once!
I think that they kept it going for too long, but I suppose I turned out alright. It really depends on the effect that it has on the child.
Spanking is sometimes appropriate, but should never be done in anger, and usually as a last resort. I was spanked as a child, but never unjustly.
The real question should be: Pants on, or bare-bottom?
I was spanked pretty regularly-I was a huge trouble maker-and I think it should be done..
although i feel that my parents’ way of bringing kids up is extremely successful. they give me freedom to make my own choices, and plan my own day, and have all the responsibilities of a normal adult. it’s risky, but if your kid takes it the right way, very successful
oh mannn, I got whooped when I was young and I surely felt that I would hate my parents for life. But now, I feel as if a good butt whoopin is neccessary. I look at my aunt and she ASKS her children to do things and when they act up, she PLEADS with them. O heck nooo!
So, I say Yes to spanking….on the butt, hands, Thats it. No face, stomache, etc
I was spanked as a child and I never doubted my parent’s love for me. It helped me to understand that there are consequences to doing bad things and I believe for me it was useful. Would I use it on my kids. Yes, but it would be a lost resort and I would make it clear to them why I am spanking them and that it’s not because I hate them or anything.
was spanked.
i deserved it.
i’m a good kid now… alot better than my other friends : D
I’m spoiled, ha, but in a good way…
But I’m not having kids…
I don’t remember spanking ever really hurting….it just scared the shit out of me.
I don’t think I’ll spank my kids, but who knows.
I don’t think it’s as traumatizing as people want it to be. There’s a difference between spanking and abusing.
my parents spanked me, not often, but i don’t see it as having any negative effects on me now. it was always on the bum or the hand and they always used something other than their hands… hairbrush, one of those long bamboo feather dusters (anyone asian will know what i’m talking about!!!), some sort of stick or something. i understand though how some people have very bad memories of it as children… their parents probably went too far… or maybe it happened too often. there has to be a line drawn at what is abuse and what is discipline.
I was spanked, there are other ways to do it, but every child is different, a whole method can’t be set as a rule, nor can it be set aside entirely..
I wasn’t spanked as a young child. I also wasn’t punished, although my parents did threaten me with punishments that I knew they would never follow through with. As a result of that, I could manipulate my parents quite well as a little kid. I really had any respect for them, simply because they never gave me reason to give it.
top 30?
It has everything to do with how you grow up. As with any Asian parent, I was disciplined. If I did something wrong, I would “LEARN” that it was wrong. I deserved it– you only figure this out when you’re older.
No one ever spanked me until I was old enough to be like yeah right… I do spank, when it is needed in the manner in which my bible tells me to. I am sure if the consequences had been a good ass whooping I would have stayed out of alot more trouble. I do not, however, beat my kid and I try everything else first unless it is a very serious “crime.” I will not have my daughter behave badly and spanking her works, when done properly, when nothing else does.
I’m moving on up!
Oh the question…hmm…I would def. spank. Not hard, not all the time. But for some things? Oh yeah.
I remember once my mom holding my hands down on the table while my dad got out the newspaper and proceeded to pretty much spank my ass off. And I remember that it wasn’t a calm, punishment only spanking. Whenever my Dad spanked me there was a really anger him, like he really wanted it to hurt a lot. My dad is not violent/abusive but he more violent than what is considered a good father. I know recently he tried to tell me that I was not too old to go over his knee (I was 15) but both my mom and his girlfriend told me he was insane to think that.
Personally, I think terrorizing children with violence is not the way to go. I would feel this way even if I hadn’t been spanked.
My dad didn’t spank me. He did hit me, but didn’t abuse me. Honestly, he taught me a valuable lesson- be somewhat adjusting to what your kids want and don’t suppress them. I wish I got hit more as a child, becuase I wish I turned out better, but if i had kids, I’d raise them the way my parents raised me
I was never spanked and I turned out alright.
Spanking would be an absolute last resort if I ever have kids.
I was spanked, belted, lashed on bare flesh with tree switches, slapped in public, you name it. No closed-fist action, though.
Ummm. Random Comment. I am only 14 and i have been spanked many times. Same thing happened to me. It stopped hurting at about 11 and i havent been in much trouble since then. I am definately gonna spank my kids unless its against the law by then. Ummmm. so comment back if u want. BYE
I was never spanked by my mother, Kevinisheaven. And I very much doubt the you are one bit celestial.
I’ll do it, but I’ll have children as rotten as I was that will weigh the consequences- “If I do this I will get spanked… is it worth it?” I’ll have other punishments too though, creative stuff that they won’t see coming. Can’t make it too easy on ‘em
And spanking is not the same as abuse. If it is done right, out of love, not anger, it is very effective.
SPANKING!
IS!
NOT!
ABUSIVE!
I’m not even going to try anymore and hand you common sense, seeing as how I would only be leaving you a dead body. (If you didn’t get that punch line, you are retarded and see spanking as abusive. Which makes you wrong. He, he.)
But, oh go ahead and have your own opinion. When, most of you haven’t even had the experience to differ, First-hand I might add, Discipline and Abuse.
I’ll probably spank as bad (or worse) as my parents spanked me.
Nicholas
I saw it as something my father did out of anger, and into my teens he started throwing me against walls. I decided not to spank. But I married into a family where the 2 yr old had been spanked and I tried for several months to raise her myself as my husband was out to sea and the bio mom walked out on her. The 2 yr old would do whatever she wanted and tell me she hated me, I would email my new husband for advice and he would say “spank her”. I refused. Until one day she told me if I didn’t give her candy she would pee on me, then she peed on me on purpose, and I set her down and went into my bedroom and started bawling. She walked in behind me and saw me crying and so she screamed “YOU HURT MY FEELINGS” and she smacked me as hard as her little hand could across the face. So I spanked her and then told her I loved her but if she hits, she would get hit back.
I came to the conclusion that I am okay with spanking as long as I give her at least one warning before the spanking (unless its something like running into the street). And I never spank out of anger, and I always make sure to tell her what she did wrong and that I love her and want her to behave and that is the end of it.
Spanking cleared up her behavior very fast. It made her feel secure, as it was one of the boundaries she was used to before I met her.
Now that she is 5, she kicked me in the head the last time I tried to catch her to give her a spanking. The spanking did get issued, but I had to hold her down which too me, made me feel like I was acting like my father.
So, I talked to her about it and we decided spankings are for toddlers, and now that she is 5, she needs to act like a 5 year old. If she acts inappropriately, I will remind her of her age. I have not had to spank her again and she knows which rules to follow to avoid being spanked.
My husband spanks my 19 month old and she started hitting me soon after my husband started spanking her. So, I immediately could see that spanking does result in starting a war of emotions between you and your child before you finally come to an understanding like I have with my 5 year old.
I agree that abuse is when you leave bruises and welts or hit somewhere other than the bum. Spanking should not be done in anger, the child shouldn’t feel like you are lashing out because you lost your temper, that sets a bad example “hitting is okay if you are angry.”
And for those who take it too far and don’t do it right it will not be effective
my parents spanked me and i felt that it was a good lesson most of the time i guess. there were only two times when i felt it wasnt appropriate anymore and that is when i got older and the spanking treatment shouldnt have been used.
so i guess yea i would use it on my kids to a certain age…around 4 to 6.
can you put up more interesting stuff. this soooo boring.
peace max
I’m sure I deserved it every time my father punched me in the face with his fist, or kicked me in the stomach after throwing me onto the ground, or ripped out handfuls of my hair, or put his hand over my nose and mouth until I passed out from lack of oxygen.
And it was all in good fun when he crushed my hand in his, or pulled my shoulder out of its socket or shoved me down the stairs because I wasn’t walking fast enough for him.
It was all done in LOVE, right? I’m sure the fucker had my very best interests at heart, aren’t you?
And it has made me such a gentle, peaceful, happy, charitable soul, don’t you think?
I was rarely, if ever ”spanked”. I remember one time, nearing adolescence, that I “pushed the envelope” and my mom slapped my face.
That meant more to me than anything else. It certainly got the point across, and I must say I deserved it.
When raising my daughter, I never “hit” in anger. Only rarely would I ever “tap” her on her rear, certainly not hard, but just enough to get her attention. Now, as an older teen, I must say she’s never pushed me to a face slap like I used to push my mother! She’s a good kid.
Anna_Lanche that wasn’t spanking, that was being a bitch, just reminding you, so get some payback.
I was spanked as a child, and although I don’t really remember any of the times, my parents informed me that it wasn’t very often. Either I learned my lesson, or I just knew better. I think it teaches a lesson. You can’t allow the child to go on without some sort of punishment, or they won’t learn that whatever they did was bad.
Oh yeah, and if I was going to spank my kids, I would do it rarely, so that it was a last resort, the “big thing”. If you spank your kids regularly, they get used to it, and the whole thing is just boring to them. Spanking your kids should be used only as a last resort, so that the children will really know that they did something truly bad to deserve their punishment.
My mother spanked me out of controll. My grandfather made me pick out a switch from the “switch tree” every time he swat me with it. Sooo I have had negative and awful memmories with spanking But it didn’t stop me from spanking in a controlled manner , actully My husband is the one who did it. 3 swats in a row on the butt. It worked very well. And spanking helped them alot. Now because they are older .. there’s no need for spankings. We take away all the things they like. That seems to work now.
Christina
“I’m sure I deserved it every time my father punched me in the face with his fist, or kicked me in the stomach after throwing me onto the ground, or ripped out handfuls of my hair, or put his hand over my nose and mouth until I passed out from lack of oxygen.
And it was all in good fun when he crushed my hand in his, or pulled my shoulder out of its socket or shoved me down the stairs because I wasn’t walking fast enough for him.
It was all done in LOVE, right? I’m sure the fucker had my very best interests at heart, aren’t you?
And it has made me such a gentle, peaceful, happy, charitable soul, don’t you think?”
That’s abuse you dumb-fucks! Sorry. French. That is Abuse. ABUSE.
My parents stye of discipline has no bearing (impact) on how I discipline my kids.
A lot of impact.
I personally see no wrong in spanking. I was spanked as a child (only as a big deal punishment thing), and it got the message across. When my parents didn’t want me to do something and I did it anyway, I was spanked. If the spanking is controlled (not swinging a belt around untill you are no longer angry), then I see no wrong in it; and I do plan on spanking my children when I actually have some.
And what everyone has posted here, it’s been their fathers, my mom spanked me. And I accepted it, because she only spanked me if I did something really stupid, like the one time I rode on the trash can down a hill in my backyard and broke a neighbor’s fence. I was spanked once in my whole life by my dad, and that was what really turned my behavior around.
I was never spanked and am glad for it, usually all my parents had to do was give me “the look”, sometimes a harsh-talking to and that was all… Unless my future hypothetical kid did something supremely awful, like I don’t even know what, I would never even consider spanking them. It’s hypocritical to hit someone smaller than you to teach them that hitting others is wrong.
I have a brother in law who threw water in his kids face whenever they cried! – When my youngest son was a little over a yr old, I gave this same brother in law a ride back to his house, my son was in his car seat and began crying…my brother in law started yelling at my son- bad move, very bad!
…I’m very old school, ya can mess w/ me all day and night, but by God, don’t mess w/ my children…
my parents very very very rarely spanked us, we had to mess up really bad. somehow, my parents could make us feel horrible for messing up without even yelling. I was never grounded, or even given a time out, but my parents conveyed our limits to us in a finite way, and thier dissapointment is usually more than me and my siblings can bear.
ok so let’s beat the kids and force the wife into submission…those were the good ole days!
I was spanked, and it did’nt have much of an impact on me in general… so I’ll try not use that on my kids. I don’t think it’s effective.
I learned not to cry because if I cried, I got “something to cry about.”
As if I didn’t all ready have plenty.
I HATE my father. Even if the fucker IS dead.
I got spanked as a child. I believe it works to disapline children. I would never do it to others that arn’t mine though.
Amanda
You should do it till the child is about 6. Then they are more likely to be to old.
Amanda
I was spanked. I’m gonna spank my kids too, and when they grow up and see all the little screaming bastards running around stores begging for things and causing a huge scene when they are told no, they’ll thank me that I didn’t let them act that way. I’m glad my parents spanked me. Now I’m not a spoiled little bitch who does and gets whatever I want. If you let your kids get what they want when they want when they are little, they will do it for the rest of their lives. We’ve all seen those parents who repeatedly tell their kids no, but the kid knows that if they cause a huge scene and keep bugging the parent, the parent will finally give in just to keep the little brat quiet. If you would spank your kid when he causes a scene in public and tell them no, they will finally figure it out, then you won’t be raising another generation of spoiled brats.
My parents spanked in what I thought was an appropriate manner. The last time I remember being spanked was when I was about 4or 5 for something like lying (a biggie in our house). I remember my Mom sitting in one of the dining room chairs explaining to my why I was being disciplined. They tended to be pretty thoughtful about it. They weren’t flying off in anger or being abusive.
. . .And that definitely affected the way that I discipline. I think there are situations where spanking is very appropriate.
When you hit your children, you “dumb fucks” you plant inside them the seeds of RAGE. You better be prepared for the harvest if you do that.
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<TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width=”100%” background=”" height=250 UNSELECTABLE=”off”>I was spanked when I was younger, but not often. I thought, like all other children, that I hated my mom. But I think she did a good job. I spank and I hope my son will look back and think the same.
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Yes, comment number 69 again! XD
i was never spanked. both my brother and i remember our dad raising his hands to us once each (i think he actually smacked my brother) and for both us, that shit stands out in our minds very vividly. we don’t even remember what we did “wrong.” i don’t have kids, but i don’t ever wanna spank them. to me, that just models that you get what you want by force. i don’t want to inflict pain on my children.
on the other hand, i have friends who were disciplined by spanking. it was methodical, tho. they knew that if they did something wrong, they’d get punished for it. their parents would tell them what they did wrong, and then the child would have to actually CHOOSE the switch they’d get hit with. and they’ve grown up fine.
i think it depends on how the punishment is administered. i stick by my position; i don’t agree with it at all. but if a parent were to decide that that was how they were gonna discipline them, i would think that the way that some of my friends got spanked is the least harmful. not like those parents who would yank their children by the arms in public and take their anger out on their kid by smacking them. ouch!
I got spanked and I hated it, i fealt afraid of my pranets when they got angry at me, i was young and scared. i refuse to spank my children.
I was spanked as a child, and when I become old enough for marriage and kids, I will spank them. Most people who view spanking as abuse usually weren’t spanked when coming up to begin with. But for me, it taught a simple lesson-not to do it again. To me, it also teaches children that breaking the rules have consequences..punishment is neccessary in order for the world to function properly…if we were to live by no rule, then we’d become an anarchy…but in the end too, I agree that after you discipline your child, you should sit back and verbally communicate and help them to understand why what they did is wrong, because I fully think that parents often make the mistake of telling kids what to do and don’t give them a valid explanation on why the task assigned is neccessary.
I remember getting spankings when I was little. It didn’t have a bad effect on me. I spanked my kids when they were little. I only had to do it a few times and then talking to them was enough because they knew they would get a spanking if they didn’t listen.
I think it has a HUGE impact. Most people I know who are avid advocates for spanking have “I was spanked as a kid!” as their number 1 justification for it.
My mom is very anti-violence, and in keeping with that she was also very anti-spanking. She never touched us in anything but a loving way. Heck, she barely ever even grounded us– I remember one time when I was actually grounded for a weekend. I did also have my curfew moved up in high school b/c I messed up.
Maybe my mom had a lax punishment style b/c I was a good kid and didn’t need to be aggressively punished. But I also firmly believe that setting guidelines ahead of time and following up with consequences that relate to the infraction (ex- you get in a wreck, no car for you; you write on your mom’s favorite chair with markers, you don’t get to use markers anymore) work MUCH better than spanking. I could go on here, but I’ll stop here.
If I was to set up a disciplinary system for my kids it would be simple. One day I would sit them down after they got into elementary school and say this, “If you can beat me with logic and get out of your punishment with reason and logic, then you don’t get punished. If you can’t, then you’re grounded.”
I was spanked if I needed it. But I was a good child compared to my older brother, plus I was the 2nd last kid out of 5. Leniency abounded. I deserved it, learned from it, and it worked effectively.
Saw that you visited the site, try commenting once in a while? A tutor of mine told me about your site.
I feel like sometimes parents spank out of anger or frustration. I know there are better alternatives that are more effective.
Preemptory spanking based on falsified intelligence is my favorite.
Spanked very few times, but they taught me a lesson. If you spank all the time, it loses its effect. It MUST not be done when you are angry!
I was spanked.
I will spank my kids if they need disciplining [which I'm sure they will].
Spare the rod, and you spoil the child. There is nothing worse than a spoiled child. And I refuse to let my kids have to put up with being a spoiled child.
Nobody has ever died from a *healthy* spanking. It is when it is done out of anger or any other reason other than love and concern that it is detrimental.
same thing. i grew-up, and they cried…
i was spanked when i was a kid, and if my kids really got out of hand ((when i have them)) i might do that to them too. it never has affected me negatively.
I was ed but not as much as my brothers. I have no idea if I would my kids or not. guess time will tell.
)
My parents would always say, “I am giving you to the count of three, if you don’t straighten up, you are going to get a spanking.” Then they would start counting very loudly, anytime, anywhere. This worked very well. I used it on my kids. My kids are all well behaved, and I think it is because they were disciplined. “He disciplines those whom He loves.” “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Our family is peaceful, and I frequently thank God for my parents who didn’t let me get away with anything, and that God gave me and my husband the strength to pass on the blessing.
I was spanked as a child, but it was done in a fearful way. I was also thrown up against walls tossed into closets and other fun things. I have a terror of my parents now. However, my aunt and grandmother also gave me smacks on the butt or on the hand and did nothing else, I appreciated what my aunt and grandmother did, not what my parents did
I was spanked pretty often–not because my parents were cruel, but because I was a handful (and still am.
). I think spanking has its place, definitely. I think it should only be used as a last resort.
I was spanked a lot as a child. It was always done with a belt or a wooden paddle and it was always bare-bottom in front of everyone no matter where we were. I was also grabbed by the hair, pulled by the ears, and slapped in the face. My children will never, ever be put through what I was. I don’t know how I will discipline my kids as I do not have them yet, certain punishments seem to fit certain behaviors and personalities, but I do know that I will never intentionally harm them emotionally or physically.
I was never laid a hand on – and never really misbehaved either. I don’t believe in spanking because there are plenty of other disipline options. If you spank a child you’ll just have to keep doing it more and harder – not a habit I would want to get in.
I actually shouldn’t say “child”. They did that to me until I was 14. And I was a good kid. I can safely say that I really did do NOTHING to deserve their abuse.
I was spanked until I was about… um… 10.
I don’t see anything wrong AT ALL with spankings.
I kinda like it… with whipped cream and handcuffs… but I don’t think we’re talking about that kind of spanking…
It’s really the motivation behind the spanking that is important. Spanking cannot be from a parent’s anger, or it will elevate into abuse. It has to be for the sole purpose of teaching the child a lesson, that being that whatever they did was wrong. If it comes from anger, whether it was deserved or not, the practice would decline into abuse, I believe.
I’m not planning on having kids at the moment, but if I do decide to, I think I will probably spank them. Not a lot, but just if its necessary. I was spanked as a child, but not often. I was more likely to be sent to my room or time out. I don’t believe it is cruel persay, but maybe not the best solution. In some cases, it can cause violence to look ok. There’s already enough violence and crap everywhere, why endorse it in the home?
I was spanked… but I also hit back.. Spanking certainly didn’t help me, it just gave me more realsons to become infuriated at the fascist regime that was my parents
I actually considered my parents fascists around the age of four.
Never been spanked and am kind of upset about it. I am all for moderate corperal punishment because we are creatures of conditioning. We are animals, just like dogs, and now and again, we need to be swatted in order to recognize that we ought not do a certain action and expect no consequences from it. I am certain that there are other forms of conditioning, but are they truely as effective? I know that if I put my hand on a lit stove, it is going to hurt like the dickens, so I don’t do it; I learned this not because of my mother’s warnings, or her scolding after I whined about the experience, but from the experience. One of my teachers told me that the greatest impact on his actions as a youth was when he had been violent and vulgar during a class, he had been handed the punishment of not only going and making his own switch, but also being hit with it three times. He informed our class that that was the turning point, when at age 7 he had to make his own instrument of discipline. I think that spanking would be an effective deterrent because it is a pain that comes from authority (as long as you maintain an authoritative persona around the individual) that causes minimal pain that doesn’t last long, and it has more shameful elements than painful ones. That discipline is most enduring and endearing as it provides a lesson, dont do it again. However, I do wonder if understanding the basis of morality of an action only through pain is beneficial or not… or even if it is relevant. I guess I am going to go and start reading Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason again.
i ahve never seen spanked and my parents did not belive in physical punishment and neither do i.
Sometimes a spanking gets through to kids so they will act differently. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child…” the Bible says, and goes on to say that the rod of correction will help to get rid of the foolishness. Keep in mind the discipline really means disciple – ing: Teaching the little ones to be followers of Christ.
I was spanked. I didn’t like it, but it taught me never to do again what I did to get spanked.
I spanked my son a few times when he really needed discipline. I did not spank as much as I was spanked and not nearly as hard either. My mom would use something to spank me. I never did that. I used my hand on my son’s butt through his clothes so I knew how hard I was hitting. I still believe in spanking. I am talking about spanking on the butt with the palm of the hand. No slapping the face, no hitting with the fist, no shaking, no using belts or anything else to spank with.
I was spanked but I don’t spank my son. He’s 14 and a great kid. I have no regrets.
I try to do everything differently than my mom did.
My parents spanked me, my husband and I spanked our kids. (I’m talking spanking, not beating them to death, it’s Biblical) Our kids didn’t receive that many spankings, we were strict, we had rules, and they pretty much obeyed or they knew the outcome. Kids BEG for boudnaries and it is their nature to test their boundaries. Parents who do not set these at an early age have a world of grief. And the “village” gets to raise their kids.
Many parents are “afraid” to spank these days. Perhaps that is why we have kids in our society that act up and have no fear of elders or respect for authority. It’s a shame.
i was spanked and it did me good. it taught me that my parents were the boss and i needed to be punished for my actions. if i have kids i will probably spank because if you dont then they become spoiled brats…or what the people of today affectionately call, ‘Indigo Children’…blech.
H
I learned a lot of great lessons.
(1) Trust no one.
(2) There are lots of uncomfortable, dark, scary places that are better to be in than your own living room.
(3) If you stay angry enough, long enough, you never have to feel anything else. And that’s a good thing.
(4) Life sucks.
(5) The strong and powerful can (and will) do any fucking thing they want to to the weak and powerless.
(6) You can live through a lot of things that your really didn’t think you could.
(7) No one really gives a shit.
(8) Ultimately, you are completely alone in the world. You live or you die only by your own determination.
(9) There is no mercy.
(10) That which does not kill you makes you strong–but not very happy.
WHITE PEOPLE! YOU NEED TO BEAT YOUR CHILDREN. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. YOU GUYS SPOIL YOUR KIDS AND THEY GROW UP AND SEE HOW THEY TREAT YOU BACK. WITH RESPECT? MY ASS THEY WILL.
“use the rod, beat the child..thats my motto”~Ms.Trunchbold, Matilda.
I was disciplined by spanking.. but the lines blurs when it passesd from that into abuse, and many cant see the difference.. granted my child wont be let to buy into that “time out” fucking nonsense.. tehy will spanked, but not witha belt.. when they get to the age a smack on the ass doesnt cover it, grounding will..
enough said
My Mother spanked me frequently as a child. Quite frequently. She even had a special spoon for the job. I got the belt twice as well. I can say with full confidence, the only thing it did was hurt me. I’m not talking physical pain either. Yes, it hurt physically, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
It hurt me that my own mother was hitting me, and it only angered me, and made me behave worse. I’m not saying she beat me. Alot of parents spank their children…But to the child, all the kid can see is the one who is supposed to protect them, hitting them with a stick assigned for the job.
I won’t ever spank my children when I come to that time. There are better ways to discipline a child.
“WHITE PEOPLE! YOU NEED TO BEAT YOUR CHILDREN. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION. YOU GUYS SPOIL YOUR KIDS AND THEY GROW UP AND SEE HOW THEY TREAT YOU BACK. WITH RESPECT? MY ASS THEY WILL.”
Yeah.. because every single white person on this earth spoils their child.. I highly doubt you’ve encountered every white parent and every white child.. until you have, think before you talk nonsense
I was spanked as a child.
But if I had kids I would not spank them.
Spanking never did any good
my parents only spanked me once, when i bit my brother and it drew blood….(that was NOT a common type thing for me to do, i swear) My brother has not been spanked ever. The time that i was spanked, my father did the actual act, my mother was yelling at him the entire time not to.
My mother is firmly against spanking. She and I have had many discussions about this. The way that she raised us, it wasn’t needed. She didn’t really yell either (that was her extreme punishment, still today i can’t stand being yelled at). She made us work out problems since most of the discipline was due to sibling stuff and other than that, stuff was taken away according to what we had done. Like, if we weren’t doing chores but playing on the computer instead, we weren’t allowed on the computer for a few days (until we learned we had to do chores first). It just makes sooo much more sense to “punish” in this way. It doesn’t just deter bad behavior, it encourages good behavior.
Btw, I would like to say that I think both my brother and I have both turned out as pretty good kids, i think we’ve actually managed to even get through our teenage years without the “rebellion” that is supposedly so common in teenagers today….granted, i think i still have a few years before i’m completely out of this category. But yeah, my brother and I are both good kids, we know right from wrong, and for the most part, choose the right one
Even though my brother and I are very different, I still respect him (although it took many years) and i KNOW that is partly due to the way my parents “punished” us….
well, i was beaten to a bloody pulp regularily as a child, and i don’t think that brute force is a good way to get your point across to anyone. if anything that treatment and made me really skeeved to being touched, and extremely violent. i’ve been in a lot of trouble for reacting in violence, in cases where i felt totally justified. it’s a struggle not to react that way. also, dudes, violence is totally humiliating to a child. it’s bullshit, and i don’t agree with it, at fucking all.
i would never hit my child. want too? yes. but it’s not right, and it’s NOT justified.
the end.
Please think of yourself as an innocent bystander in my post today
I was spanked. It was the only form of discipline in our house. and even though I don’t have children, I know that I will probably spank some. I won’t do it as much as my parents did… I will use other things to teach my children lessons.
i dont get spanked, i use to get slaped on the face as a child by my father.it doesnt seem like discipline. i grew up knowing my own limits, that was good enough.
kids just need a good ass whooping sometimes, and whether people want to admit it or say it’s abuse, it’s good for you, and that’s that… i got my ass whooped, but it helped me learn my place in life, and until you are a mature adult, it helps you understand your authority is your parents
my parents spanked me and i will spank my children…..
i was spanked as a child for even minor things. it only made me resent my parents, and disrespect them more. i didn’t NOT do things for fear of spanking. i behaved when there was a reward possibility. it made me a bit of a bully at school, being harsh on other children. unfortunately, after the spankings were discontinued, i was abused in my late childhood- only a handful of times- nothing too bad, but bad enough. i will never touch my children. sometimes i fear that the phsyical violence will spread to my personality and make me lash out in anger.
i’ve done a bit of reading on the subject throughout college.
i am against spankings and i find that so are most psychologists.
people who say they were spanked but it did no good, how do you know? were you not spanked in a previous life or something like that? i think not…
Wowwwwwwww so weird, I was just discussing this topic with my sister and friends at dinner tonite. We were saying how back in our day (ah we are so old) our parents disciplined us a whole hell of a lot more than a lot of the kids today, specifically my bratty little cousins. There are times when I just think to myself, damn that kid needs a big spanking. Maybe that makes me a bad person. Some of the behavior that they display would NOT have been acceptable to my parents. Indian parents (well, a lot of Asian parents in general) are pretty strict, and my dad definitely was, he has mellowed somewhat with old age hehe. I can’t specifically remember a time my dad ever spanked me but I know he has to my sister, and I would never consider it abuse. My dad never did it with rage or violence in him. That’s when spanking becomes physical abuse. Anyway so to answer your question, I don’t have kids, I’m not really sure what I’ll do BUT I do think that if I did spank, I would do it rarely bc otherwise it wouldn’t mean anything to the kid and it wouldn’t be a means of discipline. My parents spanked us and I think my sister and I were pretty well behaved…but I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who would say they didn’t get spanked and they came out fine too. To each their own, I suppose.
RYC: I am doing ok….too many things going on. Bleh! Hope NC is going well. =)
I got spankings as a kid. I was the typical first-born strong-willed child. My sister could get ”the look” and she’d behave, so she got lots less spankings then me. It all depends on the child. I’d have no problem spanking my children if the need arises (I don’t have kids yet). Once the boundaries are set, and they know what the consequences will be for their actions, it certainly does act as a deterrent.
I got spanked. I got grounded, and I got lectures.
I was the worse kind of child. I didn’t care if I got punished. I would just find a better way not to get caught. I am sure I will use the same discipline that my parents used.
If a teacher/principle at school would have tried spanking me as a kid, it would only make me act worse. It would have pissed me off and it would have become my agenda to make them miserable, b/c that was the kind of child I was. I think my parents figured out it was best to just ignore me.
Erika
Hmmm…..
I was spanked growing up.
I’m only 18 now.
I don’t feel bad towards my parents at all….never did…..
I think it’s stupid how a lot of parents nowdays think that if your 2-6 year old does something wrong, that they can sit down and reason with them. Kid can’t understand that kinda thing! I’ve been around kids alot in my young life. Kids don’t understand that they shouldn’t go into the street, or take something from another kid just because they want it. These concepts are completely foreign to children. Even hitting. I was spanked for hitting people when I was pretty young, and I never thought it hypocritical. Never crossed my mind! All I knew was that I shouldn’t hit, because something I didn’t like was going to happen if I did. Only later, when I was older, did it click. “Oh yeah! Hitting is bad because it hurts other people, and I don’t want to do that!”
Not spanking your children hurts them more!
If I ever have kids, I will spank them when they do wrong. People that grow up disliking or hating their parents because of spanking are evidence of poor judgment on the parents part, lack of moderation, and general lack of good parenting skills…..
My parents were the best parents in the world….. I wouldn’t change how they treated me for the world….. And I mean that literally.
-Gabriel
because for me being submissive = depression
Your site intrigues me. I think that it’s acceptable as long as it doesn’t injure the child and the child understands that whoever is doing the spanking cares about them.
my parents only spank wen its sumthin bad bad…..or the last resort..usually its a TON of screaming…adn yelling..no hitting…
I was spanked as a child. Abuse? I don’t think so, not unless it causes bruising or something…I’m not an expert but, er, yeah.
Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been afraid of being touched, I hate it, I shrink back whenever people try to touch me. When people are angry at me I close up and protect myself in case they choose to lash out, which they probably wouldn’t, considering I probably just screwed up some vector in an equation. One of my psych friends asked me if I did this because I was spanked as a child. I don’t know, I had never thought about that.
Mostly I just think I’m a nutcase. I’m terrified of germs too, which probably has something to do with it. And then there is that OCD…I don’t think I’m a nutcase because I was spanked, I think it’s because, well, genetics, my dad’s a nutcase too.
I have to wonder though if there might be psychological complications for some children.
-Hil
My mom did all the spanking. I can’t remember my dad doing it at all. She would spank, say “wait until your father gets home!” and when he got there, he would come in to talk to me, tell me about something bad he did when he was little (usually related to whatever I had done) and then he’d get me out of the bedroom. The end. I don’t remember too many spankings, although I’m sure there were. They definitely served as a reason to NOT misbehave, and so I used them in this manner also. My daughter, however, has been quite the good kid. I’ve only had to break out the spankings once (that I remember, she swears its been twice…) and that was in the middle of Wal-Mart and she just threw this outrageous fit. I thought, if I was watching this I would be thinking “why doesn’t she spank her butt?” And so I did. This hurt her feelings, she cried and cried, until the car, when I said, “i’m going to tell Daddy about this.” and then the crying got totally out of hand. I learned with her, she responds more to psychological things, like wanting us to be proud and not angry… so the spanking was shelved until I need it. That episode was when she was about 4 or 5. She’s 12 now.
The problem is not spanking, the problem is abusive unstable parents who spank in anger.
A child should NEVER be spanked in anger. I use to send my kids to their room so I could cool off and pray first.
Then I would pray with my child and hug them afterward.
((( GRANDMA HUGS )))
Lori
My mom was never really a spanker, although I do remember getting spanked, once. She was a fan of grounding and essay writing, and it really worked, because she didnt give in.
I think because of that I will not spank my children, unless they are truly deserving.
I was spanked.
I think the government should give out harsher punishments though.
as others have mentioned discipline is for a purpose/result and that result is the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:11) I got my “tail whooped” as my mom referred to it quite often and looking back on my childhood years I deserved probably most of them. I learned that there are severe consequences to my wrong actions and that it is important to walk in wisdom and make the best use of my time. All in all I think my mom and dad did a very good job handling the discipline issue as both of them were abused as kids. I was never hit in anger, always out of love.
I have four (almost 5) children… each of my children is disciplined in different ways at times while all of them are spanked some go without supper, others get a time out, a suspension of a desired good, increased chores for the week without extra pay, standing in the corner, smacked on the hand, stern rebuke, etc…
but at random times we have also given hugs and shown mercy.
Our discipline always follows a very structured order because we are trying to teach them the kind of response that God desires (Hosea 6:6)
1. we pull them away from the situation and talk with them in private and make sure they know we love them
2. we start by asking them if they know why we have pulled them aside and check our own motives
3. we then ask if they know how this could have been avoided and if they remember anything that we have taught them in the past about the issue at hand – if they don’t we remind them.
4. next (if step 3 wasn’t very clear) we walk them through what was wrong and why and what would have been the right thing and why making sure to use the Bible as our standard.
5. we ask them what God thinks of this wrong and make sure they understand it’s an offense against him not us
6. we remind them of our responsibility before God to raise them in the fear and admonish of the Lord
7. we ask them if they have any questions and quickly summarize what we have talked about
8. we then remind them of the consequences of their actions and administer the discipline (which may or may not be spanking)
8. we then lead them through what it means to confess to God and then to man and ask for forgiveness
9. we ask them again what they should do next time they are in a similar situation and what they have learned from this
10. we then embrace and go and do something fun or make plans to later if time does not allow
This allows the discipline aspect to be painted in a much broader stroke and makes the actual consequences of disobedience to be smaller in light of what is really at stake which is the opportunity to shepherd your child’s heart. Thanks for listen (reading)
In Christ,
JC
I was spanked once in school in Kindergarten. The junior high school I went to still paddled, though I never did anything to warrent one there. I was paddled twice at the day camp at a local church I went to, (I was around 10 or 11) though only one of the two times was deserved. My dad spanked and my mom alternated between spanking and using my dad’s belt.
As a parent, I considered spanking a legitimate form of punishment. They only thing I changed is that it was always to be done with my hand and no belt or anything else.
I was occasionally (probably under 10 times my entire childhood) spanked when I was a child, and it was fairly effective since it was used very rarely and only for serious occasions…so I’ll probabaly do the same when I have children. If by then the government doesn’t allow us to touch our children at all without calling it abuse. Although it does depend on the child on whether or not it’s effective I think…that and too many parents use it as a first resort as opposed to lesser disciplinary actions.
my parents weren’t afraid to discipline me physically.. in other words, i got the beatdown a few times.. but I deserved it everytime. I think it has worked though, I turned out pretty okay.
My parents spanked, and it helped me more than it hurt me. I understand that they did it because they loved me. It wasn’t abuse as many seem to believe – it was love.
Sometimes real love hurts.
And yes, I plan to utilize this form of love on my own future children (if God blesses my wife and I with them).
I was a pretty bad kid, and i was spanked. I honestly think that if i had not been… well. The way i was? I would have ended up a pretty bad person. My parents dont really spank the younger kids now, and well. They arent turning out so well… they manipulate the parents a bit, and they dont really respect what they say. I’ll spank my kids if they need spanking. If they’re good it won’t happen.
Theres a difference between abuse, and spanking. If your parents beat you im sorry. But a whack on the butt isnt abuse. I dont like switches, and paddles though… they’re designed to inflict pain, and to me a simple spanking was more shocking then painfull
Oh. And people keep saying “other methods” can be just as effective. But they never say what other methods. Like taking away toys? That would never have worked on me. “time outs”? Time outs, and groundings are worthless if you can’t make the kid stay in the room. And why should i stay in the room if your just going to give me a stern talking to if i leave? I was a bad kid. And that sort of punishment would have made me laugh
Wonderful site. Do you ever discuss about Christian matters?
I was spanked and I dont want to do it to my child(ren).
for me personally i dont remember getting spanked by my mom but i thing my mema (grandma) did alot but i dont remember it…
i have gotten slapped in the face by her tho and on the hand… it doesnt have an adverse affect one he now considering the last slap i ever got was when i was 16 and that was 8 years ago…. but i do think that kids now adays arent diciplined enough
in my opinion some of them deserve to get there ass whooped every now and agian it might help…
I was spanked as a kid and I don’t look back on it as being abuse. My mom would always send me to my room first, so she could calm down. Then she would come and talk to me and then spank me on my butt. I can not stand to see a parent jerking a kid around by the arm or hitting them anywhere else besides the butt. Once they do that, i see it as abuse.
As for spanking my children, yes i will. When I watch my little cousins, I always warn them the first time, “if you do such and such again, I will spank you”. This usually works, but if it doesn’t I keep my word.
I was spanked until it was no longer effective. For me this happened at age five.
The art of spanking is time honored going back to biblical principal of, “spare the rod spoil the child”.
My wife and I both spend our daughter.
We also counseled our friends if they were to spank don’t wait until their angry and out of control. if it was wrong the first time the spanking should have happened then.
We also gave our daughter one pass on misbehavior if we figured she did not know that it was wrong. This only happened once though.
discipline to be effective must be consistent and not done in such a manor as to cause anger in the person being disciplined.
Those who have the most unruly children in my experience were these who in their efforts not to spank failed to discipline their children at all.
Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?
A big influence. Spanking never kept me from doing what I wanted. It just made me angry at my parents. I think it’s better to resolve problems by talking and to teach the child why what he did is wrong.
My parents spanked me when I was little because I did all of the dumbest things in the entire world.
Seriously, I once took $300 out of my dad’s wallet while he was asleep and gave them out to my neighbor friends because I literally bought friendship when I was younger.
Anyway, it never escalated to the point of becoming senseless abuse or anything.
I’ll spank my children when I’m older if I feel it’s the best way to discourage bad behavior, but I feel like sitting them down and talking to them about the implications of their actions is more effective.
Thank you, summer psychology course.
Just to add on, we learned in the psychology class that children just find a way to avoid corporal punishment.
I agree since that’s what I did.
I started to take smaller sums of money.
I got the crap spanked out of me when I was a little kid. My mom broke a kitchen utensil with a wooden handle over me, and more than once, my dad gave me welts and bruises. But I was a bad kid. I don’t always agree with spanking, it just depends on the kid and the situation.
This is a very random topic. No Comment.
This is a very random topic. No Comment.
I was spanked. Didn’t like it. I spanked. Didn’t like it. I don’t spank any more.
i can only remember being spanked once.. i’m not even sure if it should be called spanking because basically she (my older cousin) told me to put out my hand and hit it with hers. it really hurt.
i was a bit traumatized because the reason i was “spanked” was i accidentally knocked over a glass of juice and it spilt on the table. – so after that i thought spilling something was The Worst Thing Ever. and when it happened after that i FROZE, expecting punishment.
it wasn’t til much later, when i spilt something and Froze, and my aunt told me it was ok and calmly started cleaning it up, that i realized spilling something wasn’t That big a deal – and i should help clean it up instead of standing there scared.
so i don’t believe in spanking if the child did something bad unintentionally, and they need to be taught what to do to make it better.. – if they do something wrong on purpose – like the girl in your comments above who threatened and then proceeded to Pee on her stepmother
– i think spanking would be ok then.
I was never spanked or hit. I’ve been thankful for that many times. I love my relationship with my parents and I would hate to feel afraid of them physically harming me, for my own good or not. Furthermore, it seems to me that hitting to teach good behavior is sort of a twisted logic.
Despite my never being spanked, and rarely punished, I’m high in my class, I behave well, and I’m actually made fun of for refusing to disobey rules or lie to my parents.
I will never spank or hit my children.
Also, we learned in psych that spanking can have some unpredicted effects, such as the child beginning to avoid the punisher. Instead of changing their behavior, they can just get sneakier about it and less open with you.
Oh yes, and I almost forgot.
Hitting out of love? I was always taught that when you love someone, you want to avoid hurting them, and you -especially- do not hit them. Furthermore, I was taught that you do not hit -anyone.- I think it sends a poor message to kids to hit them “because you love them.” In fact, it almost makes me sick. Love involves trust, and I could never really trust someone who would hit me for making a mistake.
my parents spanked me…I swore I would not spank….but when my children were very small 1,2,3 I took a religous parenting class…from that moment I did spank but very structural. It worked with my children wonderfully I have the best children ever…of course there are those teenage years…hahah….no spanking after 10-12…
lets see… I’m not a parent, but my mom only spanked me once, same with my dad, but I was too young to really remember… I suppose they didn’t do it after that because it plain didn’t have any effect.
I think it was becuase I realised that they wouldn’t just keep spanking me over and over again.
oh well. I think spankings wrong, and doesn’t help the situation.
Your mom cried when it didn’t hurt you anymore? Oh man…
My parents spanked me until I was around 12 also, and I turned out okay, but I also grew up terrified of my parents.
Growing up…if I ever got in trouble…hearing the leather crack from the belt always scared the living daylights outta me
I came form a broken family, and when i did get spanked, My though was why is this woman doing this? she is not my mother….And for me, that caused more resentment between the two of us, Would things have gone differantly had i not been spanked? I don’t know….But i wouldn’t change the way i was brought up. For better or worse, it made me the man i am today, so yeah, I would say that i agree with “spanking”.
This was how my father did it, and how I will do it with my children.
First of all, spanking was reserved for only really bad stuff; lying, purposely disobeying them, etc.
My father would send us to our rooms until he calmed down. Never ever ever did he hit us in anger. When he calmed down and came to our rooms, he would sit next to us and explain to us what we had done that had deserved a spanking. (He was abused as a child and didn’t ever want us to have no clue why we were getting spanked.) He would then ask us what we should have done instead so he knew we understood. Then he would spank us, three swats with an open hand on covered butts. Then he would hug us (and usually cry too) and tell us he loved us and pray with us.
The part that was so much worse than getting spanked for us was knowing how much we had disappointed him.
My parents spanked me and I am a strong believer in using spanking as a form of discipline. And the man I marry must agree. I feel no less loved because of it… i don’t feel abused, I’m not emotionally scared, and I’ve never been a violent person as a result… nor was I ever scared of my parents.
I was spanked…
I spanked my kids early on.. its rare that I ever have to raise my voice at them now.
I was spanked as a child, and while I think there are times when another, lesser form of discipline should be used, there are many times when a spanking is appropriate. If a child understands that his parents love and nurture him, and that he is getting in trouble not because they don’t like him any more or are abusing him, but because he did something he shouldn’t have, it won’t matter how young he is. My parents have been very loving all my life, but I understood from a very young age that there are just certain things we are not allowed to do for any number of reasons. I think that they did a great job, and if I were to change anything, I would probably spank more than they did! It’s an immediate thing that links the naughty deed to pain. Kids are smart, they’ll learn quickly with something like that.
And I agree with the above post – children are different so what works for one may not work so well for the next.
Ok, so way above… it was JustSomeKid42
I think that your parents discipline may play a factor in your decision to or not to spank. I wasn’t spanked, and I don’t believe in spanking. However, I think that those who were spanked probably could go either way. They may believe in it because they were spanked or yet they may totally not believe in it since they were spanked… if that makes any sense
I was spanked with a belt or really what ever my dad grabbed….. it did boarder abuse….but he did get help when I was like 10 and I am the oldest of four…..so now I do spank….but I give her to the count of three and I use time outs regually…..I only spank if she directly disobeys my…..like goes right to the freezer and takes a popcicle after I said no, and I only swat once…..my father did not stop till he felt I understood.
I only use it as a last resort also. Some kids are more stubborn and anry then others…
Yes, I was spanked as a child and I spanked my children from the ages of (3-6). However, the spankings were only “swats” and nothing abusive or to the point that it left marks on their little bottoms. I believe children must learn at an early age the importance of obedience and respect for others. Timeouts was always affective, they usually just needed a few minutes to think about what they did and to settle down. After my children took a timeout, we always talked about their unacceptable behavior so they would understand WHY it was wrong.
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
I was spanked and I’m a full supporter of it. But only when it’s necessary. Other things were also used. But when they are little, this time out crap doesn’t work.
Well I was smacked across the face. That is just sooo wrong! My discipline of my children is pretty much the opposite of what my mother did with us.
I wasn’t spanked often because, for me, the idea of my parents being disappointed was usually enough. I’ve always been the meek and curious oldest child, eager to please, very sensitive. My parents tried to reason with my sister, the middle one, but she almost welcomed the figurative abuse. She was never abused by my family, but it came strangely close when there was no other way to get her to calm down. A spanking was the last straw, and it would bring her to tears of shame and then she’d go wind down for a while. It’s funny you talk about spanking; I’ll have to talk to Laura about it. She’s such a beautiful young woman now. As long as there’s love and that spanking isn’t done with cruel intention, I’m not against it in principle.
it probably has a lot to do with how you discipline your kids. you’ll either spank because it worked on you, or you will refuse to spank because you remember your own experiences…
I was spanked. And I hated it. My mother said it was “to get my attention”, whatever that meant. I knew then and I know now that she only spanked me to get out her frustrations. I was spanked for even minor misbehavior. I don’t feel like I was abused or anything, but it did make me feel like my mother didn’t love me, not that she was trying to correct me.
My husband was not spanked. His parents would send him to his room and then they’d come in and talk to him about it. He was a good kid and did not misbehave much. I was a good kid, but I could back-talk.
I hope we never spank our kids. I seems like it is more for the parents than for the children. I’ll do everything I can to make sure I never place a hand on my kids because I hated it so much.
My mother’s form of discipline was abuse. Whaling on me with her fists, feet and anything she could find laying around. It taught me to shun her and curse my absent father. My parents taught me everything on how NOT to be a parent.
Thankfully the cycle ended with them. And the only way I have struck my children is on their clothed buttocks and only one or two times for usually when they would hit their siblings or something else extreme. Never for sport though.
I was raised in a VERY extremely conservative Fundamentalist Christian home. If any of you have heard of Bob Jones University then you know exactly where I come from. I went to Christian school, church 3 times a week, youth group- basically the whole 9 yards. There were times in school when I got “paddled” as they then called it. Of course at the time I felt like it was child abuse and the entire world was against me, but looking back upon all of the spanking, punishment and other forms of discipline that I received from my mom, I am very thankful for it. I think it has made me into the productive adult that I am today. People today seem to be so caught up in what other people are thinking or feeling, so much to the point that they can’t even run their own lives and live by their own convictions. It is truly a sad place in which we live. Getting back to the point- not having children yet, I can only postulate on how I would discipline them. At this point in my life, YES, I will resort to spanking if necessary. I think it is something that works and does not ultimately “scar” a child for life. I do think that there are some children who are so sensitive in nature that a light whack on the behind is all that is necessary to correct the wrongdoing, while more hard-headed, stubborn kids like myself require a firm hand. It is not child abuse and I do not look back on any spankings that I receive to be so. It was out of love and concern for my well-being then and as an adult. Besides look at the younger generations now who have no respect for authority. I certainly do not want my children to act like that.
My mom has a master’s degree in child psychology. I definitely did not get spanked, ever. And I like to think I turned out pretty good (better than some people I know who did get spanked).
My mom never hit me, but my dad used to, if I really screwed something up and deserved it. It worked, certainly…but it also distanced me from him immensely. He eventually gave up on it, as it failed to produce any results other than pissing me off severely.
Personally, I believe that if you want children to behave maturely, you must treat them like adults. Physical disciplining is demeaning; if ever, it ought to be employed only when children clearly are not living up to the standards expected of them, and they know it.
I got disciplined. As long as its out of love, never done in anger, and serves a purpose, it’s smart and works.
It affects mine a lot, because I definitely plan to spank my kids. My parents didn’t spank me very much, thus I was spoiled. I don’t want my kids to be like me…
The end to my spanking was very similar. I was about 9 I think, and mom took me over her knee, and it didn’t hurt a bit, so I didn’t scream….and after about 3 whacks I think she got frustrated and just sent me to my room. lol
Personally I definitely would do it, just with a hand, not with a paddle or anything. Kids these days don’t get the kind of dicipline people my age and up had, they have no fear of punishment. Me, I learned right from wrong at a very young age and knew what was and was not acceptable behavior. Parents these days so often want to be the kids’ friend instead of a parent, and it drives me nuts.
I think the type of punishment has to do with the child. Spanking or swatting was effective for me. My brother would just laugh at my mom when she spanked him, so she stopped and went to taking away priviliges. As I got older, probably around the time that I was 8, she found out that the biggest way to show me I’d done something I shouldn’t have was to sit me down and tell me how dissappointed she was in me and how she expected more from me.
My parents spanked me….I chose not to…..I view spanking as violence…..my parents don’t.
My kids & I have a mutual respect for eachother….We also don’t call eachother names or degrade eachother when we are angry. My kids are teenagers now, I try to let them make their own decisions & mistakes…..to me, that’s how a person learns.
Candy
A lot of people use spanking as a last resort….to me that’s asking for trouble…
If it’s the last resort, that’s when a persons the angriest and could lose control the easiest.
That’s why my hubby & I chose not to spank @ all.
We both heard the crack of the old belt when we were kids….we couldn’t bring ourselves to do that to our kids.
Candy
great impact
I was raised exactly like you… down to the part where when it didn’t hurt anymore my mom cried cause she didn’t know what to do. I feel that being spanked worked for me, and in the future I will spank my kids as well.
I think there is something though behind the spank that is important. 1) If the parent is spanking the kid for dicipline, as in with love behind it trying to teach the child right and wrong, I think everyone in the situation feels that it works. 2) Then there are the parents that take out their belts and whip their children for “dicipline,” with the intend to release their own anger on their child for what he/she has done (no whip even needed, even if it is still spanking with the hand with this anger release behind it). …….I think there is a fine line in there where spanking can turn from a good purpose to a bad purpose.
I would never spank my kids cos i think it is ridiculous. If you are a good parent theres no need to use spanking. I think it is a form of domestic violence. My mum rarely spanked us she preferred to give us slaps on the face. I hate physical punishment in EVERY FORM.
TIMI
I was spanked but I will not spank my child and I if my husband feels it is necessary, he can but I think it is more effective to take something they love away, like no tv, no playing outside ect….that straightened me up more than a spanking. It makes my stomache do flip flops and I get misty when I see a child being spanked…
I can’t remember being spanked very many times when I was a child, and therefor I’m not against spanking. Are there times when something physical is the only way to get through to a kid?
My parents spanked or swatted really it never hurt that bad. It was usually a last resort and if my dad ever did it you can bet he cried more then us. That did more then the spanking but it was the things I got spanked for that I never did again. I think spanking can be useful.
whoa! lots of comments on this. maybe you’ll break 200. my parents spanked me, to teach me that there are consequences for doing something that you know is wrong. i didnt ever get spanked for something that i didnt know was wrong. (come to think of it, i dont think i ever did anything wrong that i didnt know was wrong when i did it) I think dicipline is an essential part of teaching a child about God’s character and their role in that. Dicipline doesnt define all of that, but it doesnt define all of parenthood too. I think if I hadn’t been properly diciplined as a child, my ability to understand God’s way of life wouldnt have been so developed. Now that it is (hopefully) I will know how to better dicipline my future children.
i was never spanked, and i will never spank.
I was spanked and don’t think of it as a negative. I worked in a daycare run by a church for a little while in college. There was a big behavioral difference between the kids who were spanked and the kids who weren’t. That made me decide that I was going to spank.
I never resorted to beating my kids with a belt or razor strap although my parents didn’t see the harm in it.
I used my hand to spank my kids, but only a few times. I spanked my son a couple of times because he was very slow to get the hang of potty training and my thinking was that it would ‘help him remember’ but I found after a couple of times, it broke my heart and I couldn’t do it any more. He grew out of it a couple of years later than most kids do, but I couldn’t stand to punish him anymore. I am an old softie.
My kids really never needed to be spanked much. Thank God.
L,r
I am willing to be that Miss_Timi doesn’t yet have children. Any takers?
Some children don’t require spanking, but those are the exceptions and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how good or bad the parents are at parenting. She’ll see.
L,r
my parents spanked fro the last time when i was 12, also. i hated them for it, so i will never spank my children.
I was spanked when I was younger and I think it taught me the lesson that what I was doing was wrong and when we choose to disobey in any situation, we suffer the consequences. My parents all made sure to make it known to me though that what they were doing was out of love and that it hurt them more than it hurt me. It didn’t take much for me to learn from it and so I wasn’t spanked often. I’m not mentally hurt or disturbed because of it…i’m better off.
i was emotionally abused
None at all. I am going to cater my disclipine style to each child.
Erika
I was spanked as a child and it worked out positively for me, so I intend to spank my children when they’ve misbehaved and refuse to listen to a verbal command.
I wasn’t spanked as a child, and I don’t plan to spank my own children. A feisty child will only hit back, a sensitive child will feel bad about themselves (“I’m a bad kid who deserves to be hit”) and an average child will go up to their room, sulk, and think up fantasies about how they can hit their parents once they are bigger and stronger. It might temporarily stop the behavior, but it doesn’t solve the problem.
I was beaten black & blue- and am now totally against spanking for any reason.
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Love, Candy
Spanking isn’t always the answer, I know that for my brother, spanking him didn’t phase him, but a 5 minute time out…the tears started to pour out… It is on an individual basis, I think there are better methods than spanking most (if not all the time). Kids will be kids… They can’t get in trouble for everything they do.
i was spanked a little…but I would prolly not spank my children. I feel like if i let go once, I will have problems managing my anger later on
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to me i think itz a good thing cuz its sets children straight. by getting spanked they are told that they have done wrong and that it would lead to that action. if i did something wrong and nothing happened to me, i wuld think that it was ok so i wuld continue doing that wrong that i did i guess, so yupp um for it
oh yeah n if miss used like beating ur kid cuz just cuz ur drunk, dats stupid n miss leading to spanking a kid for disobeying, dats why ders so many sides to it i guess
my mom spanked me under 10 yrs old. afterwards, it was just hair pulling and sometimes sh ekicks me sometimes. but i can see the pain and regret on her. i kno she lvoes me tho. just that i get really stubborn and i choose to sit there and have no emotions and reactions AT ALL when she does those things..so she gets frustrated.. but she only does it in the first place cus i did somethin wrong. i think most kids understand that their parents only do it outta love tho!
My parents never did spank me that much, but only because I learned very quickly from my mistakes. But…I’m not sure on whether or not I’m going to spank my kids or not. That’s a hard one. But I think that there are better alternatives, so I might take those instead.
All spanking did for me was make me angry at my parents and fear my Dad’s short temper, plus it prevented me from having any sort of ”close” relationship with him at all.
I was spanked. I will spank my son. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse. When you spank your children it’s not that it should be especially PAINFUL….really, in my opinion, it should hurt their feelings more than anything.
my parents spanked me and i do NOT agree with it i mean, kids need to be taught but there are ways like a lecture works for me and stares, mad ones, that makes me sorry, spanking gave me a way to hate and not feel bad about what i did
especially when you do i with a board or something like that
I believe that it doesn’t take a parent that sweet talks and spoils his child for the child to grow up to be happy.
I believe it takes a parent who will say NO and spank its butt when needed.
I was spanked as a child, and I believe I turned out just fine emotionally and every way else.
If you have an opinion against mine, more power to you.
- – > Ariana