January 18, 2006
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Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties
I have always been shocked by the varying degrees of what people will allow their potential spouse to get away with at a bachelor party. I knew a lady who said to her potential spouse, “Do whatever you want just as long as you get it out of your system.” I have heard others say “You can look but you cannot touch.” It is surprising to me that these type of actions would be the type of actions a person would participate in the day before they pledge allegiance to another person.
What do you think is allowable at a bachelor or bachelorette party?
Comments (177)
i guess looking but not touching…people look all the time….and if they can’t overcome the temptation to do anything further, then they really shouldn’t be committing the rest of their life to one person anyway…
first!
I don’t think strippers are appropriate.
That is crazy… I can only speak for myself here… I would want my fiance to have a good time with his guy friends as longs as it didnt involve other women… or ilegal substances… or anything that he would regret later.
Hi Dan..
Thanks for the info on the virus threat. I will be on the lookout.
As for the parties.. we have had them for various ones at our church, but they are always done with Christ in mind. OUrs are more like a dinner… with a “roast” for the one getting married. Nothing “off-color” or offensive to the Lord.
Have a blessed day!
Phil
I think its all wrong – if you are planning to be with someone for the rest of your life you should not have any desires to touch or even look at another woman. I believe the bachelor or bachelorette party should just be a fun time with friends and family not at bars drinking it up – too many marriages were lost before they began because of the bachelor or bachelorette parties. – jo
Ut oh! That happend to me last night. I had to enter my name and password and I did it. Everything seems to be working ok tho?
i think if you trust your fiance then i think a stripper would be ok. looking is ok, touching, kissing etc is not.
look but don’t touch! However, if I were getting married, I know I’d not be interested in looking at others, so I don’t understand why people have crazy parties with strippers.
I agree with JenniButton.. I don’t think strippers are appropriate either. I’ve never understood why this event is a must have before a marriage. Why enter into the marriage with an unfaithful attitude? The first thing on a persons mind is… “I wonder if they did anythig?” I think thats a sad thing to think about before you marry.
Christina
I agree with Christina, if the reason you are getting married is to honor God with your relationship then why would you want to start with the “lust of the eyes”? Exactly when and how did the tradition of strippers get started?
~Rachel
RE the virus, What do we do if we weren’t aware of a virus and had already signed in when commenting here?
I’m not real bright sometimes, that’s all.
I agree with JenniButton and setfree2day. I’m not a big fan of them.
i believe that the strippers are there because the male doesn’t really want to give it up. i know that i will not have that type of bachlor party nor will my future wife have that kind of bachlorette party. i know what the rules are and i will attempt to follow them to the best of my ability. i have faultered in the past but by God’s grace i am forgiven. i have picked myself back up and gone on. He has also brought an amazing girl into my life.
As for the pre-wedding party times, my husband and I have never had issues with that because of the nature of our relationship. You can’t be a swinger without complete and total trust in your partner, after all.
Besides we both love strippers. haha.
What virus?
I think all drunken brawls are stupid. Those that come before weddings are just more stupidity.
And did I mention demeaning to both sexes?
A few drink and cards….that’s it!!!!
No stirppers. Anything that is morally exceptable is exceptable…not a great respose….
I have a real problem with the traditional “stripper” party for either the bride- or the groom-to-be. The whole idea implies that one is losing something by getting married as opposed to concentrating on what is to be gained!
I think any such “party” should be simply a gathering of friends who are celebrating the upcoming event!
i think the whole idea is insulting.
With regards to the virus comment, I received the login prompt earlier today. I forget which site I was at. I have, as of reading your post, changed my password.; Thanks for passing along this info.
With regards to these parties, I had a very ‘tame’ one given to me. Some friends at college gathered together and we sat in a dorm room watching an adult movie. It was less than an exciting time, but I did appreciate the fact that any sort of effort was taken.
I think anything that can cause tension to the relationship should be avoided.
whoever thought it was a good and healthy thing to do the things most folks do at Bachelor parties should be…
we won’t go there.
Well I would say there are lines that never need to be crosses. I would ask, does the “trust” realtionship begin before or after the wedding vows?
Bachelor parties are pointless for Christians. They used to be for one last “excursion” before getting married but the reality is that if your in a healthy relationship and your doing as God wants you to do youll still hang out with your friends sometimes and youll still do what you would have done before marriage so theres no need for “one last fling”.
Regarding the logging in prompt….
I am getting it when posting here at your site, Dan. I tested with leaving a post at another site and did NOT receive the login prompt.
my gf talked about this and said if i got a lapdance during my bachelor party (if we got married) she would break up w/ me.. thats pretty damn strict. =O
as a VERY jealous person, I dont allow much at a bachelor party, if even. ha ha. I mean… I guess he can go to a strip club but NOT have a stripper come to him, to a private party. O heck no. Girls at the club arent as freeeee as teh ones who do outcalls. No touching at all!!!!! Just looking. Id rather have him handciffed so no one can take his hands and put them on her.
The same for a bacherlorette. I could care less for a aked guy dancing in front of me. I KNOW I wont touch nore have the desire to.
If my fiance even touches, caresses another woman, hes OUT! No exceptions. I SHOULD and will be the ONLE female he ever lays his hands on.
i agree with the majority here. DIDDO you shouldnt want to do somehting like that before dedicating yourself to them. if i had one i would just want to hang out with my girls and hav a good time. i dont need another guy fo r’last minute’ anyhting. i htink its a stupid tradition that ruins marriages before they even begin.
-shawna
seee, I dont even allow the look but dont touch rule, but I guess for a bachelor party ok. Since I want him to have one since he will be spending the rest of his life with me. But on an everyday basis, he my man ever even looked at another female for more than a second… I pop that sucker in the back of the head. And if its more than once, ONCE, hes OUT.
O yeah, and definitely no trip to VEGAS either
Why would you WANT to do anything crazy like that at your
bachelor party? If the man or woman you are marrying is not
someone you can be true to in body mind and spirit BEFORE
the wedding, what makes you think you’ll be able to afterwards?
I’m saying this from experience, I was engaged and 2 months
before the wedding my fiance “jumped ship” to be with another
man. I can’t imagine how much more painful it would have been
if it were 3, 6, 12 months later.
hmm… i actually had the issue with this virus problem… i cant remember whose comment box brought me to that page… but also my computer looks fine like the ppl who said they clicked away too… hmm… maybe one day; POOF!
as for this party, i wouldn’t mind what a couple friends of mine had; a bachelor and bachelorette party thrown together… so everyone got to get together to chit-chat, drink, play games, and be together…
You know, I think it depends on who you are what what your values are. My husband didn’t have a party because he didn’t want one. I just wanted a fun night out with my friends and my sisters. We had planned to go out and have a couple drinks then rent a hotel and have a slumber party and watch chick flicks. Unfortunately, my brother-in-law had to be a jerk and wouldn’t let my sister watch chick flicks in a hotel with me and my friends! Kind ruined the fun of it.
nothing that involves people of the opposite sex getting undressed.
Hmm.. I’m not sure… never been to one.. sad isn’t it..lolz. =D
yea…it seems like it would all be wrong. if you are so devoted that you are about to marry that person then theres no need to get it out of your system…the only thing in your system should be the want of the to be spouse. unless it is really all just for fun and there are no intentions. and both trust each other then whatever.
My husband when to a strip club with his friends and he was the DD since they all got hammered. My friends and I went dancing, but nothing spectacular. I really don’t see the point. All it seems to do is cause problems and I don’t think it’s worth it.
typos—- Nore-nor. he my man- IF my man I pop that–I’ll pop that handciffed-handcuffed
lol, have you noticed more women are commenting than men?
I don’t believe in bachelor parties altogether. I think a fun day of camping or some other activity you and friends would highly enjoy would serve well in the place of getting drunk and looking at naked women.
If I love my wife enough I would only want to look at her.
Anything that involves sexuality doesn’t make sense. Not when you’re preparing to enter a sacred union in which you can both explore your sexuality together. Why would you want to look at a cheap tramp (male or female) on probably the most anticipatory (is that a word?) night of your life? It’s like opening up a plastic dollar store necklace on Christmas Eve when you could have a Tiffany’s diamond necklace on Christmas morning.
Both customs should be abandoned… you shouldn’t need a “last night” gawking at sluts if your really happy with who your marrying….
I agree with setfree2day
Looking but definately not touching. If you love the person you are going to marry you know that rule. But the other party has to have trust. I mean come on they are marrying you and if you don’t have trust what is the reason for the marriage anyway?
I agree with setfree2day
smoking, drinking, kinky sex, sex toys, screaming, hollering, loud music, strippers, blow-up dolls…you name it!
I think it is up to the couple. There is a lot of stuff that happens, that as a single person I would not do. I attended my SIL ones and had I have know what happens I wouldn’t of gone. I have heard stuff that is just shocking at these rights. However, I don’t like couples who say no such party either.
I don’t think it’s ok to do whatever you want at bachelor parties. I have heard the things that go on at some of these from my brothers and I can’t believe a woman would choose to do something so demeaning to herself to entertain men.
I don’t believe in that crap. When I was getting married he had no bachelor party and I had no bachelorette party, because I am a raging lunatic when it comes to jealousy.
Things that the bride/groom to be wouldn’t be ashamed of if their fiancee walked in
I think “get togethers” for each group (bride and groom) are important right before the wedding.. but these things I’ve seen and heard going on are not a good start for a marriage. I think a poker party with beer for the guys, or a nice wine party for the girls is nice.. but not the things that go on today.. It’s just not appropriate before the start of a new life together.. Might cause distrust or anger in the beginning.. not good!
no strippers. hanging out with friends and having a little alcohol is ok, but not getting drunk. my husband and i didn’t have bachelor and bachelorette parties
I’ve only been to one Bachelorette party that I considered going beyond what I was personally comfortable with. The whole thing was mostly about drinking, so I went to the first bar just to hang out and be a sport, but I didn’t want to spend my entire night bar hopping. And the bars were going to get seedier as the evening went on. I would be horribly offended if G had gone out and “got it out of his system” right before we got married (and he would feel the same about me, too). I just don’t see where there is room for this kind of behavior in a meaningful relationship. I guess everyone has their own ideas of right and wrong….
Nothing. I’d kill my husband for having one, period.
Interesting responses….
When I was younger – and wilder – I thought a bachelor party should include strippers. Not to touch, just to look at. And the same at a bachelorette party. But one of my best friends and I threw what I consider the most entertaining and just fun bachelor party for my other best friend a few years ago that involved NO strippers or any other erotic staples. We rented a two adjoining hotel rooms, bought munchies and alcoholic beverages, ate dinner at Bottom’s Up pizza which is a local pizza joint renowned for its pizza, then went to a comedy club and watched the act, went back to the rooms and just hung out.
Now the original question was What do you think is allowable at a bachelor or bachelorette party? And my answer is that it’s up to the groom himself to set his limits. If he truly want to spend the rest of his life with his bride then he’ll do the right thing despite any temptations of flesh or intoxicating and/or illegal substances. I personally see nothing wrong with watching an attractive woman dancing and stripping while consuming some alcoholic beverages – not to excess – just enough for a buzz. And my wife trusts me to keep it at that level and go no further. That’s what it all boils down to… trust. If one is secure enough in their love, then it should not matter the temptation placed in their path.
Well, not really much of anything. LOL.
That is one thing with Mark that I know I will not have to worry about. He never really enjoyed being single, so for him, being married is something that he’s excited and extremely happy about. He’ll probably go fishing or something like that for his bachelor party.
Me? I’ll probably just sit up all night freaking out.
LOL
~Caroline~
I believe that trust, honor and faithfulness begin as soon as you decide to commit to be with each other. In other words, they all start as soon as you begin dating. Parties that glorify temptation and lust are not only unnessicary, but disgusting as well. Faithfulness and commitment do not begin when you say ‘I do’. They begin well before that moment.
I am not really a fan of the bachelor/bachelorette parties that go to the strip clubs and promote that type of behavior. If I am to the point with someone that I have committed to marry them, then I think that you have already made a firm choice to not look or be with other people. Noone should have to “get something out of their system”. I find that idea absolutely appalling and just plain stupid. I have no problem with having a bachelor or bachelorette party where everyone goes out barhopping or dancing. I think you can do it in a tasteful manner and I have done so many times.
I think the parties are more for the guests than the guest-of-honor. The friends are either single and jealous of the impending loss of their friend’s time, or they are married and want the excuse to “look but don’t touch”.
I think if you aren’t willing to commit without one last fling, it points to a relationship destined to failure and infidelity. You can’t get that “out of your system”.
ryc: That’s exactly what my husband said. If he wasn’t on deployment, the cat would be dead.
In response to KingCarloofPrussia: Then, those friends should be getting their ‘look but don’t touch’ fix elsewhere, and not dragging their friend who has already commited to marriage with them.
I definitely am against it…it won’t be happening before I get married, that’s for sure.
And I’m not a huge fan of strippers (that’s possibly putting it lightly), I find it degrading, and I say that hoping to not offend anyone..just my personal feelings on it.
NOPE IT AIN”T HAPPENING!!!!
as for the credit card—I meant ABLE to have a credit card. I know wayy too many guys who cant even qualify for a gas card!
Yeaaa, hahaha, I know the guys sense to shut their mouth to avoid drama, but I kinda WANT to hear what they have to say. WHat about you? What was allowed at Your party? ekeke
I didn’t want a bachelorette party, but I was forced by my sister and some girlfriends. I didn’t want to do anything crazy- it’s not my style to go to a strip club or drinking at some divey bar with a veil on my head. Guess what they made me do? Wear a veil on my head, drink in a divey bar, and have men I didn’t know bite rings of candy off a candy necklace while they all took pictures and laughed hysterically. I didn’t want to do ANYTHING like that but I was forced because it’s “what we’re supposed to do”. I went along with it because I didn’t want to make a scene and start a fight right before my wedding, but I was angry after the fact that I had said NO I didn’t want to do these things and everyone still pressured me. Overall I did have a good time, but I could have had a GREAT time had they let me stay within my comfort zone.
We never saw a need for such a thing. It just never even came up. Perhaps because we were 26 when we got married. Maybe all that “stuff” was out of our system before then. jk.
Thanks for the tip on the virus. I did that stupid sign in thing twice yesterday. Oh well….
Tim
jeez, you get tons of comments. I wish I got this many comments!
haha, I am coming back to read more responses and I do see being more brave. But so far, Ive only read guys who confessed a LITTLE drinking with a stripper stripping. Not anyone coming all out and say YOUR SUPPOSED TO HAVE A WILD NIGHT.
wow, at a church? you are innocent. Youre holy; thats good.
Um…hang out with friends…gathering…play cards…few drinks but not drunk…have fun all night…hehe…i think that is it : )
anything that involves alcohol and strippers is a disgusting bachelor party. that is completely inappropriate and is demeaning.
A nice outing at a pottery studio.
it was a pretty good virus page…but I didn’t fall for it. muah.
bachelor parties are idiotic.
The xangastats.com page comes up only when I hit your comment page’s ‘Last’ link.
This is a phishing-hijack attempt. It may or may not be interrelated to javascript on your page (suhock.com or such)
Here’s the owner of zangastats.com (obtained from http://www.wildwestdomains.com/gdshop/whois.asp ):
WHOIS Search Results for: ZANGASTATS.COM
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while believed by the registrar to be reliable, is provided “as is”
with no guarantee or warranties regarding its accuracy. This
information is provided for the sole purpose of assisting you
in obtaining information about domain name registration records.
Any use of this data for any other purpose is expressly forbidden without the prior written
permission of this registrar. By submitting an inquiry,
you agree to these terms of usage and limitations of warranty. In particular,
you agree not to use this data to allow, enable, or otherwise make possible,
dissemination or collection of this data, in part or in its entirety, for any
purpose, such as the transmission of unsolicited advertising and
solicitations of any kind, including spam. You further agree
not to use this data to enable high volume, automated or robotic electronic
processes designed to collect or compile this data for any purpose,
including mining this data for your own personal or commercial purposes.
Please note: the registrant of the domain name is specified
in the “registrant” field. In most cases, the Registrar
is not the registrant of domain names listed in this database.
Registrant:
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suite 205
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I thnk the whole custom is kind of stupid. A lot of people have already been living together for a long time presumably their “last flings” were long over. And for Christians, well, they don’t need a “fling” or to get fall down drunk or whatever it is one does at those parties.
If its one last night as being single youre looking for..enjoy it with your soon to be spouse….maybe thats corny ..but why would you risk or jeopordize a loving and commited relationship. What are you telling your soon to be spouse by asking to have a party that will evidently be full of temptation. If you are aware that you are weak and could possibly do more than look I would say they would have to reevalute themselves and ask why they are still interested in persuing this lifestyle.
I didnt have one when I married and didnt feel like I was missing out. He did and it was upsetting wondering just how out of hand it would get. I think that my emotions should have been taken into consideration. I would have been more than happy to sit with him at a strip bar and do it as a form of foreplay perhaps..but to know that it was for other purposes like a “one last fling” makes it very wrong…and didnt fly …neither did the marriage though..
I personally don’t support those type of parties. Like someone said above me, “Bachelor parties are pointless for Christians”. If my fiancee wants to have a bachelor party he can go out with the boys but no stippers or anything of that sort. Wow, I haven’t really thought about it this much in the past but they’re really stupid. What’s the point really? To have “one last fling”? You shouldn’t want to.
Thanks for the interesting post.
i just got the virus page again…i copied the html source code, but i don’t understand it. But if you make a comment, submit it, and get redirected, your comment still goes up, so no big deal.
For a lot of men, they are going to look anyway, even after marriage, there are a select few whom do touch as well…unfortuately. This is something I disagree with completely! Bachelor/ette parties gag gifts and stupid games are fine I suppose, but strippers are against my rules completely!
But men will be men! (I say this: disregarding any whom aren’t the stereotypical MALE)
I would want them to have fun, but I think it should be spent as a preparation for their marriage, like a pre-ritual. I wouldn’t do anything out of my ordinary experience because that sets the mood for what you will allow yourself later. Live it up, but don’t use the night to push boundaries or forget your values. Whatever the couples value is, of course, the standard of measure.
regarding you Xanga Virus Post, I get that screen when I come here to your site just so you know. Does that mean, your site is infected? Or mine?
If I were to have a bachlor party. I would be just me and a couple hanging out. No strippers….No getting wasted…..non of that crap, how could you do all that when your in love?
whazzup
I’m getting married in August. My husband is going to go out with his friends *NO* women allowed* and I’m going to go out with mine. Actually, we will both probably sit around and have an all male or all female party at our apartments. And then we’re going to meet up later in the night.
Ok, came back to read comments. Sometimes, I think when you get married when you are “older” and had your party days, what is the point. A gathering of friends at a nightclub, comedy club, karoake, etc. is ok. Girls wearing penises around their neck (I have seen that as an accessory), drinking to oblvion, fondling others, etc., I don’t see the point in.
Looking and lusting is committing adultery just as much as touching is.
One of my friends encouraged us to take her soon to be husband to see the midget stripper that was going to be at a local night club. I think she got far more out of him enduring a lapdance from a midget than he did.
Look but don’t touch works for me. Anyways, my bf hates those kinds of parties so if *cough cough* we ever got married I wouldn’t have to worry… his idea of a big night out is all-you-can-eat sushi and that’s just fine by me! ^_^
wow.. i think i already did put in my username and password for zangastats..i thought xanag mesed up..uh ohs..
hm..i wouldnt know anything about bachelor/ette parties.
Me, I’d rather not go to one at all, thank you very much. All the stories I’ve heard so far have been a bit … inappropriate.
God bless,
Shohna
Thanks for the 4-part Featured Content posts! When I figured out I had to sign-in to see protected post (I’ll just adopt your vernacular)it was really worth it. I can see you spent a long time writing them; there was a lot there. Thanks again.
As for viruses, can you run Linux? That should help.
As for bachelor/bachelorette parties, strip clubs, drunken parties, gross. They expect to have a good marriage with that as the start?
Honestly I think they ar pretty unclassy. If you love someone why would you need an excuse to see “one last” half-naked/naked person? It’s one thing to just hang out with the girls or the guys but there should not be some sleazy stripper there. It’s just gross and unnecessary!
I don’t really believe in bachelor/bachelorette parties. But if you want to go out and hang out with your friends to celebrate your marriage, that’s fine. However, I don’t belive it’s okay to have a stripper.
For a Christian they should be just a fun time of friends getting together to roast or encourage the bride or groom to be.
I don’t believe there needs to be a member of the opposite sex a these parties.
((( GRANDMA HUGS )))
Lori
It’s okay for the guys or gals to go out with their pals…but if they have strippers or do things they would not do in front of their fiancee…then it is wrong.
I would NOT have married my husband if I knew he still had to get things out of his system the week before our wedding day. I’d say “Come look me up when you grow up”
I think that most marriages in the United States fail anyway, so you might as well get what you can before you get together, have a baby, make the kid suffer when you selfishly go through divorce, then repeat this cycle all over again many times.
American people have no dignity for marriage.
p.s.-I love how no matter what, people assume that anyone mentioned in any of these situations has to be Christian.
look but don’t touch… well, maybe i’d let his guys buy him A [ONE] lap dance [because lord knows i wouldn't ever do that for him], but nothing more. so.. i guess then, HE can’t touch, but he can BE touched. and not on the face. i think if you trust eachother enough then there’s no reason for jealousy. and if you don’t trust eachother competely then you shouldn’t be getting married.
I don’t even plan on having one…..i’m not gonna have temptations or indulge in them…..and i don’t want to take chances….so i think they are pretty much pointless….just save all your energy for the honeymoon….
Papa Bear and his friends went to Dave-n-Busters to eat dinner and play video games. THAT I find acceptable. The traditional means of ‘celebrating’ your allegiance to one person don’t make any sense to me either.
As long as the engaged person is not doing “the horizontal mambo”….what’s the harm of some wild party antics…..
Love, Candy
My husband never had a batchelor party, and I didnt’ have a batchelorette party. If he had had a party, it would have consisted of a long night of playing Halo and Halo 2. (yes, my husband is a geek.
)
The closest thing to a batchelorette party I’ve ever been to was for a friend who happened to be a pastor’s daughter. Her mother and sister threw it, and it was just a bunch of her friends giving her nightgowns, lotion, etc. Stuff to make her feel pretty and feminine on her wedding night.
I have a somewhat related question on my site, so please give me your opinions my question there. Feedback is greatly appreciated!
Personally, I don’t see it as a big deal. Of course, it should be looking and no touching. I see it as more of a joke, like saying Haha, look at what you’re going to be missing…
If you can’t trust your partner to be able to behave him or her self, then why are you even getting married?
I would say if you are a christian the crazy parties are out. If your fiance is capable of doing something with another person just hours before your wedding…I would say they do not respect you and your marriage is not going to last long.
My fiance and I decided to not do the bachelor/ette party thing. We are already in a commited relationship. There is nothing that would be acceptable before getting married that wouldnt carry over to our marriage. So my answer is nothing
Though im only 17, ive been to one or two bachlor parties, and i always date a girl every so often that goes to bachlorette parties, so i sorta have some sort of demented reply.
While one party i did go to had a stripper (i was young, but the whole girl throwing clothing around thing didnt appeal to me), and the other was just a guys night out, i personally never cared. Now when it comes to bachlorette parties, ive had ex girlfriends who went to their sister’s/best friend’s parties, and they love it. Ive also noticed that most people who really get into the parties, they end up drunk. They than realize maybe its not a good idea to call people while drunk, or better yet dont go to the parties at all.
When it comes to me, and my future, i cant say i dont care about the wife/girlfriend/girl, cause i dont want some guy giving her a lapdance of any sort, but it would all matter the kind of person. Ive dated partying girls, which love the atmosphere of “anything can happen”, and ive dated shy girls who just like to sit with a book and read. It would just depend. Now when it comes to me, i probably wont have a stripper at mine. To be honest, ill pry go out with a few guys, do wierd stuff like airsoft gun fights or something harmless of that sort, go to a bar or something simple (though i dont drink, but you get the idea). Basically anything my wife wouldnt want me doing while im married to her that could hurt myself. Like shooting ranges and stuff. lmao.
Besides, if you think about it, just as mitj_3 spoke of, there is a honeymoon, and if you really want to see such things, wait til then. it doesnt take a genius to realize what the hell is going on those nights.
Even though i know most of my other friends want five strippers at theirs.
im an angel raised amongst demons you could say.
Excelent Question man.
-tommy
What is allowable is him to have a good time with his friends. I would be marrying the man so obviously the trust level is where he won’t be going home with a stripper. I’m not his mother for goodness sake – so I would just hope he’d have fun!
You should have fun…. but really… why get married if that isn’t the person you are completely in love with and completely taken by? That’s not a good relationship…and it’s definitely not one you want to build a marriage off of.
I’m not sure…but I may be throwing one in 7 months, so I better get prepared!!
update: It turns out the TheTheologiansCafe blog was the unwitting host of a password phishing attack upon his some of readers this morning.
It was not a virus as he previously posted – or a blogworm.
And his blog alone appears to have been the sponsor.
The phisher has been outed.
All’s lala in Xangaland again.
and DarshniM has a good point… It’s not about your religion…it’s about your morals. An atheist should have the same respect for marriage a Christian would have. Even though my morals, as a Christian, play into my views, I know alot of people of other faiths that have great relationships and would never need anything or anyone besides their partner…this is not about religion. This is about trust and respect out of love for that person.
I would think its up to the two people who are about to commit to a life together and thier agreement on thier current lifestyle. I dont think there is one set thing that is ok or not ok as long as both adults are safe, sane and consentual. There are too many lifestyles to define ‘ok’ in this sense.
-Laura
It’s called a Bridal shower the all the brides female friends get together and shower the bride with household gifts and marital advice…
Personally, if he get’s it all out of his sytem then whats left for the homey moon?
There are people out there in commited relationships who are open to sharing themselves with other people. That is not for everyone and I understandably see how a person wouldnt want to participate in it. But, with that said, I have seen couples who have been happily married, continue great communication and still follow rules of ‘thier’ relationship and make it work. What I comes down to is that as long as both people in a realationship are honest to thier limits and expectations, noone can be dissapointed or hurt. religion plays a part in this and so do morals. Morality also is based on your trust and honesty with thoes who you choose to associate with. Its all up to you to say whats ok for you.
-Laura
Anything goes as long as you keep the naked dancers out of it. Cheers!
megan
My daughter and her fiance have already discussed this and they decided they are having a “wedding” party, going out to eat with the entire bridal party, males and females together and maybe something like bowling, swimming if weather permits, or even a movie. Keeping it a celebration of beginning their life together as Christians. The entire “last fling” before you enter the “prison of marriage” is the enemy and the world’s thinking, not God’s after all He did call it “HOLY” matrimony.
If he would be uncomfortable with me being there watching as the bachelor party was happening…then it shouldn’t be happening…
but it depends on his friends and attitude as well…I knew my hubby wasn’t going to have a crazy stripper-filled bachelor party…
as for my bachelorette…we just headed to a nice cafe, had wine, talked and chatted with eachother…all girls…but they did make me open up all my lingere while I was standing on a chair…
I can’t say that I believe a bachelor/ette party is out of line for a Christian as much as what typically happens is out of line. My bachelor party was tame. Laser tag, Fridays and… a movie I think. The gifts were embarrasing, but nothing out-of-line. If you are truly committed to the person you are going to marry, you won’t allow yourself to indulge in viewing another the night before, as you said, you pledge your allegiance.
bachelor parties WITH strippers are wrong. i think it’s okay to have a little get-together but just talked and have fun.
H
C’mon… NO touching. NO sending the plastered groom on a Greyhound to North Dakota two days before the wedding… NO partying ’til you puke.
If you think this is the last time you’ll have a “good time”, then maybe you shouldn’t be getting married.
I think a bachelor party and what goes on there should be left up to the person getting married and the person planning the bachelor party…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where it was a bunch of guys playing a computer game against each other and drinking beer (I just drank beer)…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where we went to a “Christian Speak-Easy” (can best be described as a bar with no alcohol) then went bowling…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where illicit substances rained down like manna from heaven…
And at my bachelor party, we drank at TGI Friday’s, went to a strip club, then went to a nightclub….
Anything goes, basically… as long as all parties involved are cool with it.
I think a bachelor party and what goes on there should be left up to the person getting married and the person planning the bachelor party…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where it was a bunch of guys playing a computer game against each other and drinking beer (I just drank beer)…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where we went to a “Christian Speak-Easy” (can best be described as a bar with no alcohol) then went bowling…
I’ve been to a bachelor party where illicit substances rained down like manna from heaven…
And at my bachelor party, we drank at TGI Friday’s, went to a strip club, then went to a nightclub….
Anything goes, basically… as long as all parties involved are cool with it.
Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your soon-to-be spouse doing. If you really need to have a final “fling” before marrying your significant other than you really have no business getting married. One word: Respect
Look but no touchy. If a person makes a commitment to be with another person for life and to be faithful to that person, even if they have not taken their vows yet, then they should remain faithful.
I would say that anything they (and I) would be comfortable doing with me present is okay. For my batcheler party we sat around in a cabin drinking beer and telling stories.
I’ve always thought this was a curious venture as well, for the reasons you suggest. Last Summer I was at the most shocking bachelor party…
I was in a buddy’s living room. He hired several “entertainers”, from the phone book, mind you. Well, I’ve seen many a raunchy debacle in my years, but nothing compared to this. I’ll spare you the details, but one of the woman performed very unnatural acts upon herself… about 3 feet aways from us! I should have worn a raincoat. Anyway, the “bachelor” was at times involved in this…. It was not a pleasurable thing to behold. I kept thinking, does this guy want to do these acts? If not, clearly he feels he can’t say no. What would his partner think if she saw him now? Whoa.
I do believe, nevertheless, anything should be allowed. It is not sustainable for our actions to be controlled by anyone else, even a spouse. The desire to abstain from such things, must come from within.
dr. tony
There is no “allowing.” My husband and I do not allow or forbid things. Steve didn’t want to see naked women (and I didn’t want him to), and I had no interest in seeing any men at all. He, unfortunately, worked instead of having a party of any kind, and half a dozen of my girlfriends and I got tipsy and ate salsa.
I agree with the notion, “you can look but you cannot touch.” Anything beyond that is crazy and unacceptable.But! I myself do not like or think strippers are appropriate. I will not have any at my party.
i cannot WAIT till my bachelorette party! i gotta get engaged first, but whatever. i plan to go to vegas, kick it with my girlf friends, then end up with my boy and his guy friends at the end of the night. it’ll be soooo much fun! co-ed is the way to go.
i think looking and dancing in fine. i do that anyways with guys that find “safe” or with guy friends when i’m at the clubs. but touching my breasts, booty or nani is off-limits. same for him at his party.
um it’s a flawed idea, because sinful desire cannot be satisfied, ever.
no touching (either person) lol
I think it is much more often that the friends of the bride/groom to be are the ones to plan the wild parts of a bachelor/ette party and the bride/groom themselves have little say.
I agree with the look but don’t touch policy. Honestly, that’s my policy for always. There will always be attractive people that you encounter, that’s not going to change just b/c you’re happily in love. Just don’t do anything about it.
The thing that cracks me up about bachelor parties is that it’s supposed to be your last time to get wild before you get married. But once you get married and one of your single buddies gets engaged you’re still going to go to HIS bachelor party and live it up! lol So it’s really just an excuse to get drunk and spend a lot of money.
I do think that bachelor/ette parties are migrating away from the partying at bars and strip clubs kind. My husband has gone to bachelor parties that involved anything from a game of golf to a fishing trip in Cabo. A lot of people are branching out and away from the drunken debaucle.
and it’s not our last time to get wild, either. it’s actually an excuse to party and celebrate geting married before actually getting married. and neither of us want strippers either. watching a strange dude get nekked is kinda weird and looks really silly. i don’t even think my man’s ever been to a strip club, either…
One gender.
I think the real problem is that the parties are organized by friends who want to have a good time …… but the night before you get married should not be spend groping other womens breasts!
I don’t think there should be bacholer’s/bacholerette’s parties (and i don’t care if i spelled it wrong…fuck u if u care)
NO none of that for me. Seriously, that’s very unromantic. Who wants to dress in white have their hair and makeup done….not to mention spending years preparing for the wedding by building a deep relationship, just to have their fiancee spend even one SECOND thinking about another person? Not me that’s for sure! Besides, when I get married, that guy will be amazing….I’m sure of it, God has it all planned out. Anyways, this amazing Godly guy wouldn’t go to a stip club if he was SINGLE not to mention engaged!!
I find the whole idea of bachelor/bachelorette parties offensive; if you’ve got anything you need to get out of your system, you’re not ready to commit.
The idea is flawed.
My husband and I spent our last “single” evening exactly where we both wanted to be – with each other – alone – not even any other friends. We went to see a movie together. It was absolutely perfect, and no regrets.
i dont know
I think the traditional kind of bachelor party is pretty stupid. A friend of mine once got so drunk at his own bachelor party that he passed out and slept through most of it. We had to carry him home. How was he going to feel the day of his wedding?
I’ve never understood those type parties. They are for the immature.
I agree with the majority of people in that bachelor parties where strippers or other “entertainment” is involved are pointless. I personally have never been a strip club, and I plan to never go. If I were to hear of my fiance going to a strip club or anything like that for his bachelor party we would definitely NOT be getting married the next day. I would expect him to do the same thing if the situation were reversed. Going to a strip club says a lot about your maturity and your readiness for a truly commited relationship. If you need one last fling, you’re not really ready yet. At all.
what did you do @ your bachelor party?
Hey, anything goes. It’s your last night as a bachelor or bachelorette. Why not let it all out? But maybe, having sex with a stripper or something is taking it a little too far.
I don’t believe in Bachelor or Bachelorette parties!
it depends on the relationship, dont do anything that will ruin what you are planning to have the next day. If one last romp in the hay is cool with your future partner, well then those are the terms of your relationship. If no stripper is going to be tollerated, then perhaps that should be respected.
i was supposed to throw one in a couple months, but that’s off now. the rule would be: look (& look good!) but no touchee-feelee stuff.
fuck that. we’ll have a joint bachelor/bachlorette party. and watch naked boobies together…lol
I wouldnt let em’ have no type of strippery or heathen fornications or drinkin’ of intoxicatin’ alcohols if they had a bachelor or bachelorette party bacause they would be like a-pilin’ up sin. Maybe they could like site around and eat rice crispy squares and drink tang and talk about “little house on the prarie” and have fellowship or something.
At mine, we played a pretty fun game and sat around chatting. You don’t need the booze or strippers to have a good time…just some good old friends.
I think it’s better when blachlor and blachlorette parties are combined because you can have a stripper there, and not really be worried; you’ll be watching eacother. Plus i think it would be more fun [ if you knew how to do it right ], but thats just me.
♥ A. V. Soria
I wouldn’t allow anything that I wouldn’t allow in my relationship. I could care less if my husband touched a stripper, however anymore than a little touching and flirting, and I wouldn’t have married him. If you trust your spouse, you don’t have to worry about him/her doing anything that would hurt you.
Erika
I wouldn’t allow anything that I wouldn’t allow in my relationship. I could care less if my husband touched a stripper, however anymore than a little touching and flirting, and I wouldn’t have married him. If you trust your spouse, you don’t have to worry about him/her doing anything that would hurt you.
Erika
i think i am a dont ask dont tell….
and onward u go !
they should drink and drive so they wont have to go down the alter
Who needs strippers, drugs, and booze to have fun anyways?
bachelor parties are ok as long as it’s going out with a bunch of guys, and having good, clean fun. nothing erotic
Many years ago, I was engaged to a fellow. Since then I have come to my sences and ran away from him (for many reasons, not just this) But, he expected a huge bachelor party including “hookers and cocaine” He was not willing to marry me without these things happening first. I personally don’t understand it! I could not imagine why you would want to contaminate your relationship with someone that you supposedly love, by starting your life together with cheating, drugs and degridation. As far as strippers go, I don’t see a problem, as long as it is just strippers.
Those twisted things should be done away with. It promotes nothing positive. It is complete depravity.
my mom STILL tells my father “look but don’t touch” people might think “what?!” but..hey..my parents have been together since 8th grade and have been married for 28 years so..maybe it’s working?
And for the record..my dad is always looking, lol.
i think that whole idea is dangerous…. it’s not wise at all. what kind of thoughts are possessing the future husband/wife the night before they’re supposed to meet their spouse in the wedding bed?
I dunno but I’m gonna be dealing with that soon…. we’re gonna have a party together so neither of us will have to worry about what the other one did….
But I will be having a “girls night out” before the wedding =)
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~Little Miss Aki
I would only home that my fiancee would not WANT to look at any other girls becuase he is so excited to be with ME. That is the way I will feel in regards to my own bachlorette party so I hope my fiancee would do the same. Idealistic I suppose.
I don’t support the idea at all. It can only cause division and isn’t at all necessary to the sexual well-being of either party.
L,r
I agree with Christian Frenzy!!
Bachlor/ette parties are for losers who think they are loosing something when they get married.
We should live pure lives before marriage as well as after marriage.
Through marriage you are gaining entrance to a intimate, personal, passionate, pure relationship with “the one you love”.
I hope you love them, and I hope that your life before marriage demonstrates your desire to be pure with them after mariage, all the way up to the wedding night.
Bachlor/ette parties are definately not a way to demonstrate anything romantic, pure, or trustworthy to your wife-to-be.
Engagement is your ability to demonstrate to your future bride that you will be faithful to her in marriage.
In Christ,
Brent
I find that tradition to be ridiculous. You should be viewing it as pledging your love– not losing you freedom. And if you view your marriage as a sacrifice, what’s the point?
nice yellow shirt.
random props
those parties make me feel like marriage is a prison and you should do everything bad and get away with it before you pledge yourself to another.
to me, that’s wrong.
I would let my fiance have a stripper just as longas he doesn’t touch… or maybe I’d be the one stripping for him
And at my bacholerette party I really don’t want a male stripper because I’ve seen a lot of strippers and they’re really ugly, so I think we’d just rent a hotel room and have some fun.
Comment back if you can
hey!…propsz baq
strippers are okay s long as it doesn’t get out of control.
strippers are okay as long as it doesn’t get out of control.
Heh…my girlfriend would kill me if I broke the whole “You can look, but you cannot touch” rule. Even if she’s in Louisiana at LSU right now…I’m not breaking my promise to her.
onli looking
I am a newly wed, since June ’05. My strategy was to tell him to do whatever he wanted, knowing full well that he is not the type to have the wild, stipper-type party. That way I came across as the “cool” fiance, while maintaining the comfort that my man was not having any kinky sexual experiences the night before the wedding. Their wild night consisted of a gathering at the local Indian food restaurant (It’s a small town, we only have one.). If he wasn’t that type of guy – I would have said, “Yes, strippers are okay, but no sexual act of any kind between you and the strippers allowed.” As if I would hear if such a think occurred.
I don’t think they should exist at all…there is no need for them
Well consider the events coming up, I definitely am against the touching of other women and all that before your wedding. It’s just.. not right. You’re get ready to spend your life with a wo/man.. but you have to have a romp beforehand? It’s just.. ridiculous.