January 19, 2006
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Discipline Part 3
I have a theory that children are more likely to respect a parent based on how consistent that parent was in the area of discipline. So I wanted to look first of all at which parent you respected more and then which parent was more consistent with discipline.
Which of your parents did you respect more, your dad or mom?
Comments (147)
Mom. I am around her more.
My dad and he was the one more consistent with discipline.
first my mom she was in control
who?
Definitely my mother then, and my father now.
mom
haha jk.. i respected my dad a little more, i think
6th
7th
My mom … my dad was never around.
the ever-coveted position!!
Well, he was around … he was just always stoned or drunk, or both.
I’m afraid I was under the single-parent household due to death. But I agree with your theory. Children are like sponges in learning. And chaotic discipline produces chaotic obedience.
My mom, because my dad is a push-over, my mom knows what she is doing when dealing with us, my dad just buys us something
-Anna
both..i think right now it would be my dad
Oh, my single parent was the mom.
ahhh the profile pics on FC is all black and white!! next time i’m going to have a very colorful one…. like… bright…. pink.
my mom; my dad always disciplined me now we just trade wise cracks
Mom, Dad never was around.
discipline does not force respect, it forces animosity. love and standards force respect
Standards = discipline. Otherwise how can you hold to standards?
Mom.
Both equally – I seem to get along better with my Dad.
Candy
ha! dont even get me started on that one.
BOTH…they’re both strict…
my mom, only because my dad wants me to be a lawyer when i grow up.
peace max
That is before the divorce…and then I became a very bad person. I feel horrible the pain that I put them through now that I am a parent myself. The heck was I think 10 years ago…
Probably Dad, because Mom lets my brother push her around…which she should not do!
My dad gave out more punishment….I respected him more.
I don’t really respect either of my parents, to be honest.
but then, they were both horribly inconsistent, so perhaps I am proving your point
My mom, I think. Looking back on it though, I kinda wish I’da respected my dad. I respected him, its just I didn’t get to see him often.
Eva.
Depends on the situation
how thought provoking
my dad…and he was strict and very consistent with the discipline.
My mom is a horrible horrible person.
She is a control freak, and I have no respect for her from some of the things she’s done, which, some people don’t need to know.
I have respect for my dad, he sets boundries and everything, but he doesn’t control every aspect of my life.
I just have no respect for the actions of some people.
It’s not that she’s controlling, it’s that she’s just like her dad, which she hates. So I don’t understand, if you hate somebody, don’t you want to be different from them? I guess it’s just a cycle. And she’s not willing to break it.
Both, not one more then the other…
My mother. My mom is a living-for-God Christian, but my Dad might not be (we’re–my mother and I–aren’t sure). So I guess that’s why I’m drawn more to my mother.
~Watts
different ones at different times
um, mom.
I have utmost respect for my Former Father in law too, I’ve never met anyone quite like him, he literally worked his way from the ground up, No welfare, or other outside assistance, just hard work and determination. Moved from Japan to Hawaii as a child, put himself through school then college and retired NASA…
I respect both my parents highly.
However, I can’t try to connect that to their disclipinarian skills. I don’t remember either one as being more lenient or consistent with punishments. My mom was much more involoved in my childhood, but I don’t view that as a negative thing against my dad.
my mom i dont see my dad but if i did and he was strict i dont think id respect him that much
Sort of Dad… A little.
Great, now I feel bad for saying that.
I respect my dad, who is more consitent and harder, but I don’t like him near as much either.
i loved and respected my mom. i feared and hated my dad.
my dad at first…now I respect them both
and both disciplined me
Pepsi! No, wait, I mean my mom.
well my mom because my dads never around. neither are really consistent with discipline.
Mom…I was just plain old scared of my dad!
Dad, mom died when I was 9.
I don’t really recall having different degrees of respect for either. They backed each other all the way.
Dad. I could count on Mom to overreact and always say no. Dad was always the voice of reason – he’d overrule when Mom said no unreasonably.
mom raised me as a single parent so I had no choice but to respect her.
I respected my dad more but my mom was the strict one.
My dad, definitely.
Me and my mom don’t get along very well.
Nicholas
Mom.
Works her ass off for me.
my mom is the disaplinary 1 mostly on how i choose 2 dress she wants me 2 dress “preppier” i like the darker look she says that i could strangle people with the chains anywho i respect my dad more because hes nicer and tells his storys about being a pro motorcross racer and stuff
I respect my mom more, she was more consistant with discipline. However, when I was younger I liked my Dad more.
dad- but neither were
mom. i’m around her and she’s very strong.
dad..ehh…
Not qualified to comment on this one.
I agree about the discipline thing. Tis why Im a momma’s girl
Because my mom disciplined so hard I resented her always. I don’t like this topic. My dad was great but I think because of my mother us kids could never get very close with my dad. Even now she yells when I try to have a conversation with my dad. So as for respect. I respect my dad. As for my mom well… I tolerate her.
Both. They worked together to keep us on a tight leash. Figurativly….they never ACTUALLY put us on leashes…
Defintely my dad, he’s very logical and has most of the control of the house.
Pesky
I think it was about equal.
mom she was the disiplinarian.
My mom
mother was definitely more disciplinary…
i respect them both equally now…
but back then… i dunno… maybe my father cause i lived with him more… couldn’t say…
but mother was definitely more disciplinary…
i once had to stand outside the door in my underwear cause i failed a test in school…
though the twisting of the ears were the worst… she’s like you don’t listen! while i’m thinking well that’s probably cause you’re pulling off my ear and making me deaf!
Mom. My dad sells drugs and hits his girlfriends and is always in jail and not in my life, you can’t respect someone like that..
Mom
Its a toss-up! They were both great! They never let us kids get away with the divide and conquer strategy – they were both on the same page – even though one was a liberal democrat and the other a conservative republican.
I respect both of my parents pretty much the same…I was taught by each of them (although my mom was around much more than my dad) to give both of them the upmost respect.
mom!
My mom, or at home anyway… and she was more consistent with discipline. My dad was the one who taught me new things so I enjoyed that as well…
I am of the opinion that respect has to a certain extent more to do with who you admire and care for and to another extent the role model effect, my dad’s a strict disciplinarian and my mum’s not, but I respect my mum more because she is able to be my friend and reason with me, not jus discipline me, she is who I want to be in any situation in life.
My father wasnt around … so i have mad respect for my mother.
My father. My mom was/is over the top with discipline, and she can just say some really scathing things.
100% in line with your theory…I love them both, but the one most consistent with discipline (dad) was the one to be depended on in all things…again, most consistent. It really did also translate to something like,” He cares enough to help me get it right.”
blessings…Jim
I am disqualified from answering the question.
Parents must be consistent in discipling.
((( GRANDMA HUGS )))
Lori
Dad, because he was the one that was more consistant with discipline
I respect mine equally. They’ve always stood by each other, so I knew I could never work one against the other. If anything I’d get doubly in trouble. I appreciate them being so constant in their love and discipline.
I’m not going to say anything about the driving age, as I am in the middle of that debate, being the age that I am.
But I respect both of my parents a lot. But if I have to choose, probably my Dad, because he’s done some really cool stuff in his life and he’s 66. So I have to respect him more than miy 48 year old mother. He got a chick that’s almost 18 years his junior when he was in his late 40s. That’s a piece of work.
But he also used to race motocross when they started in the 60s, raced cars, worked at Aerospace, lived in Venezuela, has been to every corner of the world, was an engineer, is a car and motorcycle guy, has done just about every cool thing a kid can think of, grew up a Tennessee mountain boy in the depression, etc. I think hes great, but I respect my mother as well for being a good musician, writer, technician, horse-breeder, trainer, rider, etc. and being the parent with siblings.
Now if only I had gotten Dad’s math and science skill,s I would respect him even more, but those skipped me.
My Father, but he was a police chief and was somewhat stern. Mom was a pushover
I respected both my parents…
My dad didn’t know how to discipline a girl. My mother tried to, but failed miserably. (I remember pretending to fall asleep if she tried to make me sit in a corner.)
I have personal reasons for disliking both of my parents, but I respect my father more, the reasoning for this completely unrelated to discipline.
I’d have to respect my mother more.. because she did more discipline, which was true. However, that wasn’t the real reason.. while my dad was/is infitely nice to my sister and I.. he did some horrible things to my mother.
my mom… and youre right about the discipline thing. my parents are divorced and my brother and i would go out with my dad from time to time to have fun… he’s never really disciplined either of us. but we still love him so.
-maggie
I can’t answer honestly as I am struggling in my relationship with my parents right now. If you would have asked me 2 years ago, I would have said my mom.
Hmmm…
I respect them equally. They worked so hard to give all four of us a good life… and still do.
Both of them..
Love is more important than respect. I loved both my parents when i was a child. Discipline has little to do with it. I always shudder a little when I hear a parent say, ‘I want my kids to respect me.” It seems to me that if a parent truly respects and loves thier children then it will be returned. It’s very much a two way street. I would rather parents say, ‘I want my kids to feel safe with me and know that I will always love them no matter what.’ The truth is, I just don’t get the respect thing. It’s not something you can demand from anyone, including your children. You’ll get it if you deserve it, and I really think that has a lot more to do with how you treat your children moment by moment than how much discipline you dish out. Love is more important than respect.
mom
Since I’ve never met my father, I have to say mom
since I have to choose one or the other, I’d have to go with my mother…
i respect my dad more because hes the one that usually disciplines me.
but i get along much better with my mom.
my dad. all THE WAY.
H
My mom even though my dad is the one that disciplines me.
My mother I am closer to.
My father was very lenient with discipline… he has some fears, while I grew up, that if he punished me, then it would count as abuse.
my dad, but not because of the whole discapline thing. but more of how he’s controlled his life and come from having nothing to now having whatever he wants.
I did and do respect my Dad more. My mom is always the one that disciplined me… she would spank me, send me to their room (because there were no toys) and tell me to wait on my father…. my dad would come in, sit onthe bed with me, and talk about what I did, then tell me a story of something similar HE did when he was little…. my respect issues have nothing to do with the discipline.
My dad. And he was always consistent with any discipline.
my mom shows me God’s love in details and my dad, shows me his absolute pleasure in who I am.
My mom. She was definitely more consistent with discipline.
my mom. probably because she was around more.
my brother and i (being close in age) would (together) sometimes get in arguments with my dad, and he would talk about how disrespectful children these days were. it would make me so mad, because it was the times when my brother and i knew what we were talking about. otherwise we would never argue like that
Mom. Dad was always the hardass, mom was more forgiving and understanding. Dad went after criminals for a living, and tended to treat me and my brothers like criminals when we did wrong.
BOTH
Both my parents were strict, but I respected my mother more because she respected me as a person more. My dad was/is a controlling…um jerk.
Erika
Mom
if mommy had to choose… she respects her mom for her “bearing through” qualities, and she respects her dad for his “no nonsense” qualities. woof!
HA! I truly have equal respect for my parents.
The thing about dicipline is follow-through (like a good free throw). When a child wants to make a decision, it is the parent who ought to help talk the kid through the consequences (good and bad) for her/his action. The kid will make the right choice or know exactly what she/he is getting into. You can not say you will punish one way and never back it up.
I don’t know that young kids hold the ability to “respect” their parents, but they sure can love and fear them at the same time. Kids should be a little afarid of their parents.
I guess I respected them both about the same-as much as a teen/young adult who didn’t want to be told what to do could. I get along better with my mom though. My dad tends to joke about discipline as though he enjoyed it. That bothers me.
They were a very tight pair, so its hard to say. Dad would lay down the law, but then feel bad about being so severe. Our Mother never second guessed herself when it came to discipline.
I respected them both. They were pretty well together on discipline. Even though one of them could be talked around it more easily, it was only slight. They work well together.
Still, at present day, I respect them more for their personalities. I haven’t really been firmly disciplined in years; I haven’t really given them cause. Being consistent with discipline is important because you want it to have effect, but there are other things that go into earning a child’s respect as well. For instance: Seeing that your parents are honest, that they respect you to the degree a child should be respected, that they don’t present a false face to other people, that sort of thing.
Mum.
both…my parents were very much on the same page as far as decipline…
dad. he is very strict. so is my mom but not that bad.
Dad.
My childhood had more to do with fear than respect although they never hit me. It was the fear of them taking their love away (which was implied). But I think I felt closer to my Dad because he was more affectionate and my Mom was “fragile” in body and mentality.
My dad was very consistent. He beat the living shit out of me all the time for any and no reason. I hated and feared him, but I did not respect him.
My mom is very consistent. She basically ignores me unless I piss her off or she needs someone to babysit the two little ones. When my dad was beating the shit out of me (or my siblings, he didn’t have any favorites), she went on about her business as though the TV was just on too loud.
Once, she walked past my dad who had my brother pinned to the floor pounding his face with his fist and threatening to piss in his face (my dad was naked at the time, and was sitting on my brother’s chest and his dick was touching my brother’s chin) to turn up the radio to drown out my brother’s screams. I felt/feel angry at my mother, and betrayed by her, since she never once tried to stop him from doing these things to us. I can’t say I hate her. But I don’t love her either.
So, I have to say, I don’t respect either one of my parents at all, even though they were both completely consistent. I can’t wait to be 18 so I can move the fuck OUT of this shit hole and have my own life.
I will feel bad about leaving my little brother and sister behind. But my step-dad isn’t so bad, so they should be okay.
i respect my dad more because hes the one that usually disciplines me.
but i get along much better with my mom.
Posted 1/19/2006 at 10:03 PM by TheOneDanny
I don’t think “respect” is the word you want. I think you mean “fear.”
Neither … still don’t
Dad, but it is a close call.
L,r
Dad. If i was bad, he gave me a spanking, mom just yelled at me.
both
?
Mom
Respected or Feared?
I too agree with your theory. Equal in my case.
Mom, hands down.
Both..but in my case my mom is strict..my dad don’t care what I do..but when I’m doing something he always bugs my mom as to why she let me to that lol..its complicated
dad definitely
My dad but both my parents are very disciplined. Figure that one out.
Both, they worked as a team and always backed each other up. They tried to be fair, and us as kids recognized that as we got older.
One thing that made me respect them even more was that, at around 15 or 16 they started making me a part of the decision process to decide my own consequences when I did something wrong. Letting me have a say in how I thought I should be punished helped me to see how hard it is to be a parent. I think in some ways I got harsher punishments when I was helping to deal them out to myself because it reflected that I really knew I’d done something silly and I was disappointed in myself.
neither. ooh – did I type that out loud?
My Dad, by FAR! I detest my mother, and she get’s NO RESPECT! And my dad never disciplined me. He spoiled me rotten, and still does! I’m an enigma I’m sure; I agree that the more consistant the parent is with their discipline that the child will normally respect them MORE. Not me, though. Hmmmm…actually the key word in the whole thing is *consistant*–which doesn’t have to include discipline, I suppose. My dad was the more consistant parent; my mother was just crazy! My parents divorced when I was 4; I moved in to my dad’s house when I was 12, and stayed there until I moved out on my own.
definitely dad. he has that spiritual side.
My Dad, but my Mom was much more effecient.
Both, My father never had to spank us. He had a aura of respect that we didnt dare question. My mom she was the one who spanked us. We were lucky to be corrected. Thats the problem with kids these days. They aren’t corrected enough.
my parents hate me., and i hate them.. nah not really but theyre mean and old fashioned!
My dad is cool when it ocmes to cool things, like jumping off rooftops. He just laughs. But my mom is better to take shopping with.
probably my dad
mom
My father. And, yes, he was the more effective disciplinarian. In my mom’s defense, she spent the most time with us. Most likely, she threw in the towel!
My father. And, yes, he was the more effective disciplinarian. In my mom’s defense, she spent the most time with us. Most likely, she threw in the towel!
I’m horrible, well, was horrible. I was the worst child ever imagined.
Both tried to discipline, dad was the one who carried it out tho. However, because we went to such extreme measures…meaning with cops being called….and I such a mess of a daughter….I hated him. At the time, I prolly had the same respect for both of them. Let me explain. I didnt respect dad bc he hit me (and I hit him back) but then I didnt respect my mom either bc she did everything my dad did except lay a hand on me. She was so unfair…girls cant do this, cant do that. And once I disobey her, she called my dad on me. So it was the same.
Now…I guess I respect my dad more bc he works all the time just to pay the bills. He hardly has time to do anything for fun. BUt then again… my mom isnt like most women or women aroudn her. She doesnt ask for much…even tho I know she wants to. She never complains how she doesnt have a nice car or lots of jewelry….she shops at MArshalls while ALL of her friends shop at Saks. She never complains. Ehh….. I dunno….I want more for my parents
Definitely my mother most of the time. Well.. most of it. She has issues and break downs and all that stuff so.. pretty much.. I respect her for holding herself up so much and raising us.
father