January 28, 2006

  • Xanga Friendships Part 6

    I was talking to someone recently that said they thought that people who developed dating relationships online were probably the type who struggled making relationships in real life. I wondered if that principle applied to people who made friendships through xanga.

    Are the people who gravitate toward journals on xanga more likely to be the type who struggle socially in their day to day lives?

Comments (223)

  • yes

  • I speak from experience

  • I can’t speak for everyone…but that certainly applies to me….

  • i am a social butterfly.

  • NO!

  • I doubt that there is any real relationship there, but I feel like Xanga contact has helped me in my real-life relationships.

    L,r

  • I doubt that there is any real relationship there, but I feel like Xanga contact has helped me in my real-life relationships.

    L,r

  • close to first. and no

  • Well, I guess I can only answer personally…for myself. And I love having fun socially IN REAL LIFE with other human beings (not just at my keyboard, or VIRTUAL humans). Blogging is just a fun addition/enhancement to that!

  • I must have a glitch in my browser or internet connection.  Please don’t punish me?!

    L,r

  • I would say for me yes

  • No.  I write on xanga a lot, but I have a very good social life.

  • not neccessarily. I think alot of times we are people who are either insecure in some degrees or have really been hurt by friends (or both) and this is a safe haven for “putting ourselves back out there” and you REALLY get to know someone by their words the way they think, etc. I believe it is a window into the soul….

  • Nah, even at times when I am feeling down I still have a healthy social life.  Xanga is a place where I can write about myself and keep up with some of my friends who I don’t get to see. 

  • If you were to ask my friends to name their socially challenged friends, I would not be on that list. And I’ve had Xanga for a LONG time. For me, Xanga was just a way to express myself in writing– It wasn’t about more interaction.

  • I don’t feel like I struggle making friends in my daily life..

  • Not necessarily. I have many friends via xanga and real life. A lot of my real life friends are xanga friends as well. The line is blurry for me.

  • Speaking for myself, I’m totally social in the real world.

     I don’t gravitate to Xanga becuase I’m socially bankrupt, I just enjoy meeting people that I would never meet in real life and making friends with them. There are several people on Xanga that I consider to be my friends as much as the ones I see all the time. 

  • one…I love the new look…very nice…now on to the post.

    I believe that in today’s day and age one must find a balance between their time spent online and their time spent with face to face relationships.  It is so easy with technology today to lie about who you are, and you really can’t get to know someone without that face to face interaction.

  • I do think they would struggle socially in their day to day lives

  • Very interesting question.  I may have to ponder the answer for awhile…. Mind if I sub?

  • not for me

  • i like the new look of your site

  • Most deffinaty yes. I know a ton of people like that, who wont dare talk to somebody in person but has a billion subscribers on xanga

  • I don’t think so

  • Yes and no.

    Personally, I’ve always been an introverted, uptight elitist. I’ve never been much for striking out on my own to meet new people. It’s not a prospect that brings good feelings to mind.

    This fact aside, in my own personal experience, it’s only the “meeting people” part that is hard to get past, not the “building up to a relationship” part.

    I think that based on the generalization, your friend is probably working under the stereotype that most of the people who blog for their own purposes, rather than news blogs or anything like that, are a bunch of 1) empty, thoughtless children with an intense desire to try to validate themselves through the number of comments they get, 2) sappy little emo kids who, in a cry for attention, bear their heart, soul, and bad poetry online, and/or 3) awkward nerds who spend their time dating people that they role play with on message boards or play Everquest with because it’s easier to meet people online.

    This stereotype is wholly true, and is a stereotype for a reason. And just as with any good stereotype, there are exceptions. I’ll offer myself onto the chopping block again.

    I am currently involved in a mess of a relationship with a girl that I met over Xanga. I say this with every intention of suffering any taunts that may fly my way. Do I struggle socially? No. I’ve grown out of that. Am I a child, emo kid, or hopeless nerd? No, only a garden-variety nerd.

    I think that things like Xanga, Myspace, and Facebook offer great potential for friendships, because it’s really equivalent to a screening process. You can read someone’s profile, you can read their journal, and you can play God for a few minutes, passing judgement on their soul, and you can use that judgement to decide whether you will try to start a friendship with someone.

    I don’t think that ALL people who make relationships online are socially awkward, but on the contrary, I think that anyone who knows what it’s like to be socially awkward will gravitate toward the internet because it’s easier to deal with the threat of making a fool out of yourself in front of someone when you can’t actually see each other.

    -Adam

  • i would say no…

  • it can be but for most i doubt it

  • I don’t think so, but I think that there is a freedom to be who you choose to be on Xanga that we don’t necessarily have in our everyday lives.  We can mold peoples perceptions of us much more easily when they can’t observe us in our everyday environment.  This can make for easier attachments and relationships on line.

  • no

  • nope
    peace max

  • It does not necessarily mean that your social skills suffer, but it does in my case.

  • Nah, I don’t think so. I’m socially stable, I have a number of close friends and lots of occasional conversation aquaintences. I have no problem with talking to someone on the internet, but maybe its the total opposite from what was thought. On the internet, your charisma can shine through, not just looks or anything like that. Its a good thing when not abused.

    Eva.

  • Maybe for some, but not for this girl.

  • yeah, perhaps

  • No I’m pretty social!  That’s actually why I started Xanga.  I LOVE to talk so much that I wonder if friends just want me to shut up sometimes! :)   So I thought I could start this and talk and talk all I wanted! :)   If people read great if they don’t at least that’s one less time I’ve had to tell a story for the hundreth billionth time! :)

  • you never really know, would you?
    some of my friends have alot of friends on xanga, but they’re very popular in real life too (basically because all their real life friends come to xanga)

  • I don’t have any social problems I just prefer to talk on xanga,.  Gee maybe I do have a problem.  LOL

  • I thnk that their is too broad a spectrum of xanga/ blog
    users too segment them as “socially inept”..

    I’m sure that there ARE quite a few who are, “inept” or
    depressive, but there are also alot of us who write for
    the sheer joy of writing, and or to stay in contact with
    friends and family.

  • I’m not particularly skilled in the socializing department, but I’m no hermit. I enjoy Xanga because it allows my friends to see  more of my opinions than I feel allowed to make in public, ha! :) I’m not open to making friends on Xanga, though, because you don’t know who you’re talking to. If I make friends, I prefer to meet them at my church or after-school groups, face to face.

  • I don’t think so. I met my husband online (although not through xanga) and I have never had a problem picking up men at local bars. I do think that having a correspondence based relationship can sometimes allow for you to know a person more deeply than you perhaps would when sticken with a totally physical-based relationship straight off the bat.

  • I don’t think so. Possibly to some extent, yes, but, you have to be social to be able to make friendships on here. I think the more outgoing people are in general, the more friends they will also have here on xanga.

  • nah, people can be social and have a xanga.

    non-social people certainly do have xangas though…maybe more so than socially adept people.

    Have a nice evening.

    -Chris

  • No – friends in life, friends on line… They’re all friends.

    What does it matter where you meet them?

    Nicholas

  • i don’t struggle with making friends, so no :)

  • Nope. I am pretty social over here…there is no way I could escape it, it is part of my job. and I love my job…
    Anyway, for me, xanga is just a way to learn about other people, and get opinions from neutral third parties. I like to see how people think..this lets that happen…that and there is a lot of power in the written word. Sometimes when I am not sure what to say, or when I feel the Holy Spirit has shared something with me, it is so much easier for me to write about it, then to attempt to put it into words.

  • I’ve always been a pretty outgoing person….I would think a person with an online journal is more of an exhibitionist.  I don’t think an introvert can put themselves “out there” as easily.

    Candy XO

  • Well, I don’t. All my girlfriends have been people who I’ve known in real life. I’ve never met a xanga correspondance. I just think xanga is fun.

  • I can definitely see how it happens. And I have seen it happen, very often. For me, I have a handful of friends I met on a message board five years ago who I still talk to on a regular basis, and I formed an “online relationship” at one point, but we decided not to officially date after all. I also am very popular in “real life” and have many close friends as well as a steady year long dating relationship. For me, I attract and connect with people no matter what the media or form of communication. I don’t say that with an ego or anything either.. that’s just how it’s been, I guess. But I do know a lot of people who gravitate online and seek out those relationships as a first priority because they can’t seem to form friendships as easily in person. On one hand, I’m glad they at least can have the support, fun, and friendship of someone, even living miles away, but I do think there needs to be a healthy balance.

  • Just from my own personal perspective, no.  I’m a writer at heart and writing on xanga has actually taught me many things that I would’ve otherwise never known because of the feedback part of it all.  However, I don’t like talking on the phone….I’d rather be in person or write an email…does that make me socially inept?

  • no. I make friends on Xanga, and I do well socially in real life. But that’s me.

  • Its probably 50-50..

  • DANG IT DAN!  You’ve busted me!

  • No…I don’t think so. AND I like the new look too!

  • Yes. I’m a social retard, so the itnernet and Xanga are perfect for me.

  • xanga is the only place where i feel that people care for me.
    And school to, but they are just “pretending”.
    and i feel left out. BTW my church people are AWSOME as well  they are soo funy!!!!!

  • I think they tend to be.  If you’re into Myers Briggs personality typing, my type INFP is a very small minority of the population.  However, they are highly represented online.  This type of interfacing is more comfortable with that type of personality.

  • I’m glad the post wasn’t Retirement Part 156 today!

  • I think there is just a much variety among people online as there is in “real” life.  You’ll have some that are shy, some that aren’t.  Some that are socially challenged, some that are not.  I think people that cling to the “ALL people online are bad with real relationships” idea are still rather ignorant of how the online community truly is. 

  • When I was younger I made friends in person easily but as I got older and had things happen in my life I withdrew a lot. Online I have always been able to stay outgoing no matter how I felt in person so making friends online was easier for me and my xanga friends have helped me get to a point where I have started to make friends in person again. It helped me get through a socially awkward period of my life.

  • i dont think so. i thinlk they might be more comfortable there maybe bc theyre shy or somehting but i dont htink they struggle. but then again being shy is a struggle i guess.

    -shawna

  • I did not come here to make friends however it would be nice.

    My orginal purpose for being here is for my husband’s ex spouse to find me here and get an eye full. Perhaps air out our dirty laundry and let surpressed feelings be known.

    I do struggle not just in my day to day life but I have been online for many years and try to make connection online as well but it never quite gets past point b.

  • My friendships on xanga are a lot like my friendships in real life.  I have a lot of them but none go really deep. 

  • not necessarily…I do think it is easier for those who have trouble making offline relationships. However, I have quite a few friends…and could have more but choose to just keep the ones I have and NOT foster any new friendships. Xanga allows me to control how much time I can give. And while I can do that offline, I find that people need more time of me than I can give. I have enough friends offline…and to have more…then I would never get the alone time I definitely need. The less friends, the less drama. Then again, I still have too many. Many it’s time to cut some loose. ;) kidding. :coughs:

  • Not necessarily…sometimes you run across people and you “click” with them.  My personal opinion is that you shouldn’t date online (the person could be a perv or stalker), but I do think that sometimes some people have a hard time IRL.  Plus you can start “fresh” online, because no one knows what you’re really like.  So it goes both ways.

  • I just saw the comment on the Meyers-Brigg personality types…I’m an INFP, too.  But I’m still pretty social outside of the internet; in fact, I’m becoming more and more so.

  • Not necessarily. It is a strong possibility though.

  • haa haa …I don’t think we struggle.  Perhaps some of us may, but for the most part, I think it’s just another outlet for us.

  • I’m not so sure. I think people who gravitate to Xanga enjoy forming sentences and getting responses to the sentences they form and giving responses to others’ sentences. That common denominator can cover a number of personality types.

  • yes. I am talking to the girl I like on xanga… which I am unable to do so in real life

  • It doesn’t apply to me because I don’t really like to interact with a lot of people. This is my choice, not something to do with my abilities.

  • not for this one.

  • Not necessarily, I think the sorts of people who go on line looking for friendships are fundementally people persons who would get along well with others regardless. Xanga for example simply offers users the opportunity to sort through the masses at a more rapid pace and seek out like minded individuals for friendship.
    I can’t quite place the causes but their is something to be said though for remote relationships. For example, I have a wonderful long distance phone friendship with my father but can’t stand the guy in person. So perhaps the internet does attract people who have a certain impatience for in person relationships.

  • not necessarily. a lot of people use xanga to stay in touch with the lives of the friends they don’t see often anymore, but that means that the “xanga friendships” were already real-life ones before adding the electronic element. that being said, it is used by some as a way of bolstering confidence so that they CAN go out into the real world and make friends. if you’re interested in another thought on friendship (interesting timing on both our parts), come read my post from earlier today.

    -vla

  • Probably. It doesn’t make you anti-social if you have a xanga, but xanga people are probably a bit more likely to be like that.

  • yes if are CO-DEPENDENT

  • In some cases yes, but not all. I use my xanga to talk to my friends that I know from school. True, I am subscribed to people that I have never met (you for example), but that does not mean that I am socially challenged. It means that I like “meet” people from other parts of the world, maybe like to see other people’s views of things. I think that the people who use xangas are people who want to do just that. Communicate with people that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Chat with people who share your interests. Maybe they actually don’t struggle socially, but don’t get a chance to meet people who share their interests and views.

  • I think it has more to do with whether people are introspective and carefully relational or extroverted and freely relational, and there are both kinds in real life and on Xanga :)

  • I seek a love that is boundless…. and through expression here in cyberspace, I have found it… a reunification with my lonely soul amidst, the zeros and ones. 

    Now, it seems, my unbound love has attracted another… both of us, in a patient thousand year search for true love.

    Thanks Dan for this forum.

    tony

  • No, I don’t think so.  Atleast not for me. 

  • Had to laugh, btw, ons seeing at least two comments above- I’m an INFP too

  • In some cases, yes.

    Although perhaps it’s to rememdy a lack of person-to-person skills. I know I’ve improved (slowly but surely) since I started, though whether it’s from journal-ing and stuff or not is hard to say.

  • I actually think it’s unfair to think that way. It’s not for everyone; maybe some people have trouble bonding socially, so they seek one online. But I know a lot of people who have many friends online as well as in real life, including myself. I’m very social, and I love making anywhere I go.

  • For some yes, for others, no.

  • HI BEST FRIEND!

  • HI BEST FRIEND!

  • No.  I have/had no trouble meeting people to date and I meet my husband on-line.  My problem is that most of the people I meet in my area annoy me or they don’t get me, so I’d prefer not to interact with them.

    Erika

  • NO WAY.

  • sometimes we people ar just bored. but most of the times yes. we need to vent it out one way or another and the only reasonabl way is to write it out. istead of screaming it

  • i have no idea about other people, but speaking for myself, i started xanga cuz i needed a place to vent or make records of events in my life. now, because i’m so entrenched in school and always infront of my computer, it’s become a substitute for interaction with real live people since i don’t have the time to go out and kick it as much.

    but i would imagine that there are folks out there who do gravitate towards xanga because they struggle socially. i mean, it’s safer so when somebody rejects you, you have the luxury of not doing it face-to-face, no one actually has to see how you look like, you can think carefully about what to say for days before actually typing it out. but i don’t think xanga is exclusively for socially awkward people.

  • You have too many posts to chose from, but my favorites are a few months back.

  • I agree with a lot of what Adam wrote at the top of page 2.

    Personally, I think I’m fairly outgoing having lots of friends and making friends somewhat easily.  I didn’t start xanga to make new friends, but I’m ok with it if it does happen.

    But I will stereotype and agree with your friend.  Many xangans, especially the ones looking for someone to date, are socially awkward.

  • For some maybe …but for most of us it’s just a fun way to communicate.

    In my real life I have no problem at all communicating nor making friends.  I know no strangers…but that’s my personality.  And I have met many of the people I play games with or chat with online.  Always in a group setting though.  I know many people who have dated from online and as far as Im concerned I think it’s great.  If a person is too shy to get rejected in real life…then this is a great place to come and meet new people.  Not just Xanga, but many online forums and chatrooms. 

    I journal because I have journaled since I was in Junior High School.  It’s a good way of releasing your thoughts.  It’s a bonus when somebody comments on those thoughts.  I think they are just people who want to be heard.

    Sometime it amazes my family when I tell them of a friend I have across the country… for example, this past weekend when we attended the funeral of our cousin that was killed in Iraq, ..I told the family I know a police officer in that city and he offered to come help us if needed, he gave us his number.  That night after the funeral he stopped by to meet the family.  I thought that was wonderful.  But the family from the area looked at me puzzled and said… How do you know this person?  I said  “Myspace” buddy. 

    I think it’s just cool to meet people in person that you talk to almost daily.  But that’s just me.

  • Chyeah.

  • I actually see a direct correlation between social lives in person and on xanga… and out of the overflow of the heart the xanga speaks

  • Most of my friends that have Xangas have no problems socially. I don’t really feel like I do either.

  • I’m fairly sociable in real life.  I also take forever to warm up to people on a decent level.  I blog mostly because I like reading what other people write, and because I like to write.  I don’t really know what sort of conclusion I can draw from this.

  • Yes and No. All I can do is speak for myself. Before xanga I had friends but after xanga I became closer to my friends. Up here you ask questions and respond to the things happening in peoples lives. In ‘the real world’ sometimes I would just pass by and not care. Other times I would think, “Well I dont want to be in everybody’s business like that.” Now I see that people want others to be in their business … meaning that we all want to share ourselves … so I will ask questions and assert myself more.

    I guess xanga has made me less shy.
    Wow, am I off topic again? Oh well, hello :)

  • I am very repesed in person, but tend to be a little morpe vocal online, so yeah, i guess that sounds like me.

  • Here’s my average answer…. I think it depends on the person. I have both an active social life and an online journal. I also have two friends who met online, started dating, and married two years ago. I suppose you can have people anywhere on the Active social life to introverted  blogger spectrum.

  • There some of both (social introverts and extroverts) on Xanga just as there are in life. 

    I don’t agree with your friend’s assumption that everyone who dates through online methods struggle with making relationships in real life. 

    My sister’s best friend met her husband online and she never meets a stranger and makes friends easily.  I think there’s a wide variety of people pursuing relationships that way…  I have another friend who is in her mid 30′s and has struggled with relationships since she was a teen who has turned to the internet for relationship connectsions.  She is still single.  It seems if you have struggles in face-to-face relationships that it can cross over into online relationships as well.

    In case your wondering…I never used that method…I just don’t like to see someone who does use it stereotyped. 

  • I have met people on here, that I knew from school, and knowing them here has helped have a better relationship with them as a friend.  I have also, through a mutual frined, met someone I feel very compelled to know better soon.  But I don’t struggle with relationships in real life, there’s just no one here I like or can get close to.

  • Have you looked at xanga.com/why?  People send in their reasons for why they xanga and theyget posted.  It’s kinda neat, but the surprisiong thing is how many of the entries are people who said that they found their spouse on xanga.

    To answer your question directly, I think it depends on how many friends they have *outside* of xanga.  If ALL your close friendships are via the internet, that may be a sign of something.  But if you have friends both online and in real life, that may actually be a sign that you’re very social and connect with people easily. 

    With the incredibly wide prevalence of blogs these days, I don’t think you can really generalize about the types of people who do it anymore. 

  • (this is kind of a skewed audience that you’re asking this question to, ya know… )

  • I disagree. I’m a social butterfly.  No matter where I am.  I just happen to go through periods where I don’t like anyone… even people living inside my computer.

  • I’ve seen examples which support and contradict this notion; thus, it has to be assumed that social prowess is not necessarily tied to one’s tendency to gravitate toward online journals.

  • No – I’d be curious as to the survey results though. I’m your classic “out-going, loyal” type A outside of this land. What is different about xanga is I have time to reveal or explore my thougts. In life time is limited and obscured.

  • ??Question???

    How would you describe yourself: 

    + make friends easily or with difficulty?

    + introvert or extrovert?

  • Um…i don’t think so…but very GOOD question indeed!!!

  • Not necessarily.  For me, xanga is kind of like a diary for thoughts I wouldn’t normally share with friends, but that I would rather share with strangers.  I have much better relationships with people outside of the xanga community.

  • No way! I love xanga to death and actually met ‘was’ friend over it. then we met eachother in person and it just did not work out. but i’m a very social person addicted to xanga. =) so i think it depends who you are.

  • Dunno, I have a good ‘core’ group of friends right now and xanga to see who’s online, that’s all. Neither social group is a substitution for the other.

  • i don’t struggle socially- but my life situation- being a stay at home mom leads to isolation

  • i have made a couple of friends online but i dont consider myself to be a person who has hardships building up relationships with the others in “real life”.
    It is just a plus, an alternate way of making friends or finding a partner for most people; but of course there are some who hide behind the PC screen, or at worst they take up a fake personality cos they think they are boring, uninteresting, ugly etc.

    Timi XX

    PS. I am happy to see you back.

  • no, i don’t think so. I’m social on and off line…

    I’ve had friends who’ve met and married from online relationships…I think it just takes the same amoutn of effort as RL relationships…you still have to learn to trust them and what they love and honesty and all that other stuff…

    I think for some maybe it is easier to find someone online, but you still have to keep them!

  • in my case, a strong yes!

  • not necessarily

  • I think people that are socially inept are drawn to activities like Xanga.

  • no i make good friends *finishes sewing togeather dolly* THERE! lol *speaking seriously* no because i have friends.
    Ps i love the new look

  • depends on how loseristically ddependent you are online

  • ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!  I think the opposite is true…those who find friendship or relationships online, in my experience, usually have the same personality in”real” life….I met my husband online, I’ve made and met many friends online that I spend “real” time with….I also have alot of friends that I’ve had for years… I’m very sure that like everything else there are exceptions to the rule….but to assume all people are like that, well, like everything you assume…bs…….’til the next

  • Seems like a fairly accurate cross-section of social tendencies all around.  I have many close friends, though I’m not a brazenly outgoing soul.  I love my friends deeply and would abandon xanga in a moment if doing so would in any way bless our friendships (not that any such implication has been made).

  • actually, i’d feel offended if i were you.
    Al ot of mean comments.
    trust me. the more fc you are, the more un-friendly bitches come

  • There’s not a problem for me, it’s just a different “scene.”

  • Yes and no. I have quite a few friends here on xanga, but in ‘real’ life, only a few. I am too broke to socialize much. I do spend too much time on the computer, rather than really living my life. There is so much I want and need to do! I am taking a break from posting–need to find happy once again. Please say a prayer for me? I love you, and I’m glad you’re ‘here.’

  • I’m not sure that you can draw a parallel between online dating and online journals.  My guess (and my experience) is that folks turn to online dating after more traditional dating methods fail or prove unsatisfying or aren’t feasible (small town, odd hours, strange interests).  But we xangans (and blogspotters and livejournalers etc.) create blogs for all sorts of reasons, sometimes to keep in touch with far-flung family and friends, or to work out fiction ideas, or to shout political beliefs or social injustices, or simply to jot down the frustrations or joys of the day.  It’s not an audience that I seek because I have no friends to listen to me.

    To me, it’s a coffee shop with a varied crowd around the table.  But I don’t have to cough up 3 bucks to a snotty teenage barista for lukewarm joe.

  • I believe there are people who are more visual than verbal… Perhaps they are more deeply impacted by what they read and form relationships based on this?

  • I thought you retired from Xanga????  and to answer your question…no I don’t struggle socially, meeting new people on Xanga is just interesting and fun. 

  • double yes uh huh

  • how are you a theologian? i hope this doesn’t sound rude, but none of your discussions are about theology.

  • i met my beloved on line 3 years ago. We are still living together this day :) so.. i don’t think they do, with out a face right there you tend to be a bit truer to your self.

  • Sometimes I think I struggle with relationships both on and off line.  However, expressing myelf online is easier.

  • Not necessarily. I’m one of the most social people you’ll ever meet, and I still use xanga as a key part of my day.

  • I have friends both online and off . . .it doesn’t seem to make a difference for me. Also, it helps me keep in touch with my offline friends when we are all busy.

  • Do you think you’re in denial about this whole retirement claim? Xanga does have a mighty way of instilling separation anxiety. But why still convinced you’re going?

  • I don’t think so I make friedns pretty easily on and off line.

  • Hmm… I don’t think so. I think they just want to meet new people from different places who don’t judge by how you look. I have many friends, yet it is good to talk to my pen pal when my friends are causing problems for me.

  • There are plenty of people I know who have met people from the interweb in real life and have long-lasting friendships with them to this day.

  • I dont think so.. I have lots of friends…in real life..wait that sounds bad cause my friends from here are real too..I have lots of friends I made the old fashioned way. Is that better? Nah still sounds wrong..but you know what I mean.

  • I have five or six long time friends 30 years or more in the real world but blogging helps me meet people from all over the world that I wouldn’t meet otherwise, Judi

  •  To be truthful, i do struggle with being social; i’m very self-conscience. So, i’m a queit person. However, i can make friends easily, “in real life” and online because i’m a friendly person. Make sense?

    ♥ A. V. Soria

  • However, i have been becoming more confident in myself, and i think it’s from being social with people online . . . what do you think of that?

  • hmm… probably.  I’m thinking about myself… and yes.  That would be true.

  • Um…

    What?

    Not paying attention. Just woke up.

  • I would say not more so then a “normal” person.  I get along with people just fine.

  • think the people are xanga as a cross section are just as or even more normal then anyone else…

  • Nah, I think I have plenty of friends. Enough to be exempt from scrutiny for social skills, anyway.
    … but then again, we’re all on xanga, aren’t we? Hmmm…

  • I’m quite shy in person but even the I am still very objective, oppinionated and paranoid about that  I don’t EVER have dating relationships on the web or xanga, maybe friends but not anything more. If you date someone on the web you don’t really know if he/she is telling the truth about themselves and you don’t really know if they have other intentions in mind that could put you in danger. The world is not as safe as it used to be, all morals and manners and other stuff have gone down the drain, people just don’t care anymore and that really saddens me.

    wow! Sorry i have written so much, hope it all makes sence,

  • depends on the person

  • negative.

  • this may be a prime example, but…the stupid or the smart ones?

  • just a quick observation, the retirement is ended right? (if it ever really happened to begin with)

  • I think that forging relationships online is normal as long as it doesn’t become your only reality. You should also have your everyday life in the real world. I developed a relationship with someone I met online on pure accident and I have tons of friends I met on xanga that I now include in my everyday “real” life

  • I’ve wondered this too. I don’t have trouble making friends, but I’m shy and tend to be reserved for a while until I really get to know someone well. My xanga personality is the real me that I’m not too shy to show on the web. But I know some people who make friends online who are really outgoing, so you never know.

  • talking to somebody you dont’ know… gives u a better sense of ease. u can tell them anything about yourself, and they wouldn’t tell anyone, or anyone you would know. you can tell them your deepest darkest secret that you wouldn’t even tell your best friend, and nobody you would know, would know your secret. you’d have a free feeling knowing that somebdoy knows your secret, your not the only one holding it.

    some people can be the most popular person in the school, but they have secrets that i need to tell other people. and here comes the online jornal.

  • i believe that people are just often stuck in the wrong place. true love doesn’t have to be a doorstep or a block away. or even just friendships. people connect wherever they are, i believe. i’m in a long distance relationship and many friends of mine are from states away, but i still have strong relationships where i am now. i just choose to be romantically involved with that one person a few states down because he is himself, and much better than those that are here.

    but i do, very much, see the point. some people do indulge in online relationships because things are rough in real life.

  • Not neccesarily. A lot of social people have Xangas. I, myself, am not social, and I like writing in my Xanga to express myself.

  • I don’t like internet dating stuff, because it can be dangerous, and not even real. 

  • ok so yeah, I take a lot of issue with these two assumptions.  I am a very social person.  I have many friends and am always busy.  I do keep a blog though and also have been a member of eharmony.  I chose the later because of where I live and there not being many available women in my small town.

  • I met my partner online, through an ex boyfriend. Purely because I didn’t know how to socialise in “reality”. I found it difficult to make eye contact and so on. But I am now trying to get out there and do things!

  • That’s definately not true for me. I just like meeting people and sharing good conversation, weather it be online, or in person.

  • i think i am more reclusive on xanga…
    cryptic

    i am trying to change…

    i think i tend to be more open when i comment

  • No.. I’ve met a few friends online, and I’m not struggling at all. Although it does make me feel like I have to go on the computer every day. I have a really good friend who I met last summer on another site, and now we make websites, clubs, and a lot of other stuff together. When we made a club I was on the internet all day trying to keep my friendship with her.

    Actually.. I think it depends on how close your internet friends are to you and how you think of them as actual friends, If you think they’re really close to you and you want to talk to them for a long time each day like your real-life friends, you’d probably be struggling somewhere..

  • Maybe for some, but Xanga and other blogging hasn’t adversely affected me. As one who doesn’t get to spend a ton of time with friends face-to-face, having people on the internet to talk to has given me more experience with relationships than I would have gotten otherwise. Xanga has also helped me connect better with some real-life friends. I might be the exception, though.

  • no

  • its great when you’re at school and with them, laughing, faking through it. but once you get home sometimes you really wonder if it had been true or its all fakek because when you come home its the place where you have to be true to urself and the feelings and you ponder on stuff. sometimes it gets to be too much. xanga  really helps.

  • i like this post =)

  • Hmmm… Voicing your opinions, or sharing your past is infinitly easier through a computer as opposed to face-to-face for everyone, I think.
    Personally, I’m a introvert. A crowd of people always leaves me drained. But, there are times when I can be quite the social butterfly. Every once in awhile.

  • I dont think so.. I have a life outside of xanga,,,,

  • Nah… I’ve got a lot of ‘xanga friends’ but I’ve got just as many friends outside the internet as well.

  • Absolutely NOT…I’m a people person all the time…not just on Xanga AND other friends that I know personally that have a Xanga are also pretty outgoing.  My vote is for no correlation.

  • Probably upwards of 90% of the blogs I read, and those who read mine are people I have met in real life.. however.. several of them I got to know through xanga – so it’s kind of a strange deal – now I think of them as “regular” friends, but I did meet them through xanga .. soo.. it starts getting complicated.. although I didn’t start xanga to meet new people, I’m glad I did because there are some very quality people on here who I wouldn’t have otherwise met.

  • yes

  • i mean yes, i agree with the No votes. something to think about really. im confused! it depends.. ooppss.

  • it really depends on the person…
    i can be both a social butterfly and other times be a total homebody bum that just wants to sit in front of the computer.

    sometimes you can’t meet the right people in the settings that you’re in…

  • I can only say that’s not true for myself.

  • Not at all. There are two types of relationships real and virtual. This is virtual but it can become real as easily as setting up a meeting. Geography is the only limiting factor.

  • Well I’ve had the same group of friends for years and years now. Im content with that group of friends because I think they are good quality friends and I’m happy to have them. The problem with having this mindset is I tend to have trouble being myself when I’m with people outside my circle of friends. Heck, there are some days where I’m disgusted by everybody including the people I call friends. So yes, I would say I’m a shy and unspoken person in real life. If I can get past that initial shyness and nervousness then I would have no problem being social. Easier said than done. However on xanga, I’m more courageous when I write something. Even if I don’t have an audience thats reading. Im sort of writing for myself because I feel like if I dont express myself enough in real life, I have the need to get it out through xanga. Most of the time I’m just analyzing myself, my thought process, and my actions. Trying to better myself, using xanga as a listener or a psychologist if you will.

  • maybe

  • No… I don’t think so. I thing the internet is the new way to communicate… but will probably become the accepted method soon. I Xanga with many people I know or knew outside of Xanga just like with e-mail. Don’t know about the dating thing (on-line) I have never tried it.

  • I would have to agree with this to some degree. The anonymity of the web allows everyone to express themselves, tempered by their blog hosts tolerance for their ‘relative’ history. Meaning how much bashing/posing on-line.

  • i think it depends on the kind of entry they make, if they make more personal entries then maybe, but if theyre writing the details of a social life then i doubt it, because obviously they had alot to say.

  • No, not necessarily

  • To answer your question, no.

    In response to your first statement that people who develop online relationships have trouble with relationships online, I totally disagree.  I met my fiancee online and I, nor he, had trouble with relationships offline. 

    ~Lana~

  • Just Browsing through. . . but an answer to your question is I’m a social butterfly, I only resort to xanga to make friends, to get stuff off my chest, and to communicate with my friends in different states what is going on in my life without haveing to tell them one at a time.

            Have a Great Day!

                                  ** JaMiE **

  • NO

  • no

  • Perhaps, as I am evidence to the opposite. I can be very social in reality, but online I don’t really make new friends that often.

  • Some people express their feelings much better with words than vocally. So perhaps.

  • i’ve started dating relationships online and i don’t have a problem meeting people in ‘real life’ at all. it’s just opening yourself up to more opportunities.

  • In real life I have very few really good friends, simply because if someone annoys me, I stop hanging with them. On Xanga its easier to not ever see their annoying habits.

  • I don’t think so because I have been doing it for years.

  • I am super friendly in person… and I have lots of quality friends/acquaintances…
    =I got into blogging because I love to write. This probably explains why I don’t have a million people commenting on my dumbass entries – for me, it’s not about the amount of people who read my shit, it’s about just WRITING. Recording my life so when I can’t remember a damn thing, I can have my kids and their kids read my silly blog.

  • I guess this could be true, but I use it more for journaling, and inspiring and updating my friends as to what is going on in my life.  I usually only contact outside people if I find them to be especially interesting, not because I can’t meet people in real life.

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  • I don’t have any “xanga friends” per se.  But I do speak from experience when I say that back when I had problems developing relationships in person (I don’t use the term “the real world”), I thrived off of making relationships online and vice versa.  It’s an interesting concept.  I never really thought about it before.

    ~Rachel 

  • Back to your question, it really depends. One tool but used differently by everyone and maybe differently each time. So far Xanga has helped me get back in touch with a bunch of people I may not have picked up the phone to call or would have fizzled out on email with. In a few cases its helped strengthen the real life relationship. Mmm, in a few other cases its made me wary of lurkers. But mostly it’s a source of amusement. Nothing beats real life interacting and connecting though. I also like the new look of your site btw.

  • what is up guys

  • i dont think this has anything to do with realationships. the person who made this website is way over their heads.

  • yes. it seperates us xanga users from the outside world.

  • i have dated someone online before..well quite a few people..only one actually turned into a real relationship where we saw each other.
    i dont know.i think its kinda fun..but theres emotional baggage to it so yea.

  • awkward?

  • i would not presume to speak for other people, so i can only answer your question in regards to me. i started my xanga as an outlet for my writing, not to add to my social life.  my husband complains that i have too much social life offline, let alone adding to it online.  but i love people and like to meet them wherever.  and if they talk to me i’ll talk back, just like offline. 

  • Going back and reading for the last week or so, I decided to comment.  Dan, you were never retired.  You took five days off and didn’t post and I’d bet the farm you checked your site numerous during each of those five days to see if you set the record for ego strokes.  What did you get?  1086?  You said your current situations required something had to go and it would be Xanga.  Yet you took the time to set up another site during your retirement?  This is quite confusing. It remonds me a chat room I used to frequent where the people would send out massive farewell emails then return the next day with a new screen name.  Im curious.  Following your formula, does this mean since I got back last night from a three day trip to Maryland that I can tell my friends I move to the East Coast for a while but have recently returned?

    You are constantly giving people advice on how to get on Featured Comment and numerous e-props, but now you are telling us you are deleting many of your subscriptions because you just don’t have time for us? How vain you are.  Delete me.  I’m sure it’s not going to have a profound effect on my life since you rarely lower your standards to comment anyway.

  • I certainly was
    I just ended up learning different ways of communicating through xanga
    And then applied to the real world
    Which in turn made me an extrovert
    To a certain extent

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