January 31, 2006
-
Forgiveness Part 2
I have been thinking about the issue of forgiveness. I knew a lady once who had a husband cheat on her. She decided to stay with her husband. But she said that she was just staying with him to make him miserable for the rest of his life. He was a big jerk. But I couldn’t help but to feel sad for this woman. She was going to make herself miserable too. She was never going to find happiness as long as she was punishing him.
I see another issue with forgiveness. I see people around xanga and other places that struggle to forgive themselves. They are beating themselves up over mistakes they have made in their lives. They spend their whole life believing that they don’t deserve to feel better. I think some people think that if they beat themselves up enough that it will make up for what they did wrong in their life.
Do you think it is more difficult to forgive yourself or another person?
Comments (173)
myself
another person
2nd!
myself
myself. Most definately
Shoot. No, try third… anyway… definitely myself.
ha 4th! not that it matters…..
Myself, by far.
I never forgive. I’d rather just stab ‘em, hide the bodies, and forget about it altogether.
Speaking of which, there need to be vampire hookers. I already love killing hookers, and I’ve always wanted to kill a vampire, so if we’ve got both…man, that would rock like a bagful of beagles kicked down the stairs.
It depends on the forgiver. There are those kind of people that feel eternally guilty, and the kind of people who are never at fault. I’ve been trying to get in touch with forgiveness a lot lately (or at least I was, I should keep it up).
Good topic.
both
12th!
definitly more difficult to forgive yourself
myself.
i like the thoughts you evoke in your short entries.
<3
I don’t have a problem forgiving people. Although it might take some time for me to trust the the same way again.
yourself.
they are often interrelated….
it could be another person, because you’d be afraid of embarrassing yourself and of the apology not getting accepted
or it could be yourself, because we’d all like to think of ourselves as perfect
Myself. I forget stuff with other people really easily.
It is a tough call though.. since I can be guilty of vanity and self-loathing at the same time. If that’s possible.
For me it’s easier to forgive other people.
Myself.
another person. i think that when we need to forgive ourselves the most, we don’t realize it.
myself, because I’m too critical of me.
much harder with myself
myself
easier to forgive myself, but mostly because i tend to blame everyone else. i’m working on that, though…
myself, although someone else is not far behind.
Yourself. Definitely.
And you really shouldn’t watch Fox News unless you want good coverage in a storm or hurricane. CNN is biased and wingy, but Fox is so much more to their side. If you had a detector for wingyness (yeah, I know), it would swing like 15 over left on CNN, and 78 on the right for Fox News.
myself
myself
myself
my other self
Myself, I can’t hold a grudge. I can regret something I’ve done myself more easily than I can hold a grudge against someone else.
But I don’t beat myself up for stuff.
myself
myself
myself…. it’s harder to forgive yourself because you usually held yourself to higher standards than other people.
i wouldn’t stay with someone just to keep them miserable. nor would i stay with someone who would keep me miserable. *crap* maybe i would.
Depends on the situation. If I were to say, kill an animal on accident, or anything like that. I dont think I could forgive myself, becuase you’d always think through the situation on what you could have done right and what you did wrong, and you knew you could have changed it…Thats something that’s really hard to deal with…
On the other hand, those who are close to you, know what will and will not hurt you.. and if they hurt you, they did it knowing what they were doing wrong.. and knew that it was going to hurt you. thats hard to forgive.
myself… I can’t take a break from myself to cool off, I’m just stuck in me. With other people, if I give it a little while, I can get over most things.
myself…yep I’m very critical of me too. But I learned a while back that part of the forgiving process includes myself and God. Thanks for this post!
Myself.
39th! I’d rather forgive.
I’d say yes.
Definitely more to forgive myself, I think back and wonder, “what was I thinking in doing that??”
Have a wonderful day
Michael
Foriving ones-self is harder.
In my experience. Myself.
Harder to forgive oneself. Most definitely.
My friend Julia tells me I’m too easy on other people, I forgive them too easily (on what I have a right to hold grudges on, anyway). Some other people were pointing out the sort of remarkable change, how in sixth grade I would hold all these awful grudges for weeks and now I get upset and five minutes later just take my mind off it and return to it later, which allows everything to go more smoothly. I’m less impulsive now, and it stops a lot of fights, which is good. The problem is now, instead of everyone telling me I get angry too easily, everyone’s telling me I let things go too easily *sigh* oh well.
Myself.
definitely much more difficult to forgive myself. because it is therefore my fault. it was under my control.
It depends.
Thankfully, I think I have learned to try to do both as much as I can. Holding on to grudges (against yourself and others) just wastes your own time and energy, getting in the way of you moving on and doing better, happier things.
In my case, myself. It is sad, you are right. It is just as debilitating as harboring resentment to someone else.
That’s a thought… I think it’s a lot harder to forgive myself, since I’m the one who makes the choice to forgive, but also the one that made the choice to do something bad in the first place, right?
But Jesus helps me with both, so I am glad.
Well, God bless you today!
Yourself.
Definately myself.
MYSELF
Depends on what you’re forgiving. I’ve done alot of stupid things in my life and some of them I’m not really proud of, but I made the mistake and I have to live with that. I’ve also forgiven people for things they have done, but I’ve never forogotten it. So, I would say I have a harder time forgiving other people.
nope, lol. especially for spamming, haha. its probably hard to forgive yourself i guess.
peace max
I am admittedly selfish and have more problems forgiving others.
Its hard either way. Depends on what.
I’d say another person. With another person you see the change of behavior, but with yourself, you have to take action and instigate it. You know yourself better, so you’ll always be more critical.
-Jared
myself…because it’s easy for to forgive others i forget why i didn’t want forgive them and also…because they aren’t..well they aren’t me i guess.
yourself, most definitely, because that is the person that you have to live with day to day, and that is the person you know most intimately, and can see the faults of so easily. Of course, that leaves the potential for the greatest love too….
yourself…we live with ourselves everyday where as the other person can go somewhere else…
Myself is much easier …
Forgiving yourself is more difficult. You have to live with it in your head all the time. I feel sorry for that lady. That is how people in this society think. They would rather live miserably as long as others can live in that misery, instead of being happy.
For me it’s much harder to forgive another person.
forgive 70 x 70 times. whoa.
It is definately harder to forgive yourself. You are the one who was wrong. You dissapointed yourself. You cannot put the blame on anyone else. You are soley responsible, and letting go of your mistakes or shame is far more difficult than forgiving someone else’s.
>Ariana
Definitely…its harder for me to forgive “Others”.
I love sweet, adorable me…I always forgive myself …sometimes I find it hard to admit I’m wrong … which is probably not such a great thing…but you gotta love me in spite of it, right? :~D
hmm. i would say another person.
easier to forgive myself, I think…
Candy XO
Myself.
Honestly, it depends what type of person you are. For me, it’s easier to forgive other people because often I can see the good in someone that they fail to see in themselves, while I have higher expectations of myself.
Without a doubt myself. I live with myself more than anyone who has ever hurt me. It’d always be there. And I’m overly critcal of myself. It makes for a bad combination.
Yourself..hands down..that was an easy question.
I can’t really say. It depends on the situation and the offense.
One thing I wrote on my blog some time ago was this: Hanging on to bitterness, anger and resentment is like ingesting poison and hoping the other person dies.
So I think that finding forgivness as swiftly as one can is probably the most healthy thing to do. The only person you’re truely hurting is yourself.
Yourself. You are your own worst enemy. You are the only one who will live with yourself for the rest of your life. Other people can be left behind if forgiveness is not an option for you.
I have what I think may be an interesting topic idea. AOL’s new slogan is “I AM.” Initially this irked me as a Christiant because only God is “I AM.” Will this lead to boycott? Should it lead to boycott? I would like to know what others think. DV, Aj
for me, it’s myself…
it’s harder to forgive my self.
Myself completely. It use to be a toss up, but after learning about God’s love for us and forgiving us for everything if we ask has helped me learn to forgive others fairly easily. That doesn’t mean everything goes unforgotten, but it is forgiven. Now, if I could give that gift to myself more often, things would be better!!
I was just reading over old journal entries, and finally, about to start crying, I looked up and said out loud, “God,
What is WRONG with me?!”
I then came on here and read your entry.
Thanks.
I personally find it much harder to forgive myself than others. I think inside I believe only God can do that, and I know I don’t really deserve it.
Myself.
Without doubt.
Myself. I am my own worst critic.
It’s easier to forgive another person, but hard to forget what they did. So is that really forgiveness, when we don’t forget what they have done?
And as for myself…it’s hard to forgive myself because I hold such high standards for myself…ones that I could never truely live up to, unless I was God.
I believe that they go hand in hand. If you can’t forgive yourself, how can you ever learn how to forgive somebody else. And if you can’t forgive somebody else, how can you forgive yourself?
yourself.
It’s harder to forgive yourself, I believe.
Check out my site, everyone!!
http://www.xanga.com/snapshot_icons
Myself.
I think for most people it is harder to forgive themselves. We think that forgiving others is more important than forgiving ourselves. We don’t realize that when we don’t forgive ourselves, we aren’t loving ourselves enough to do so. How can you truly love and forgive someone else, when you don’t love or forgive yourself?
myself! !
Myself. Anyone who is extremely driven will always have trouble forgiving themselves because of the huge expectations they put on themselves.
I am my worst enemy and carry a lot of guilt for things that were and are out of my control.
Funny this is your topic tonight because this morning I had thoughts on my mind about true forgiveness.
I am not sure there is such a thing for serious offenses..sure we all move on and at times forgotten and we say we forgive but to forgive is to totally let go.
How many people have that much control just to let go?
Any hoo..to answer your question I think it is easier to forgive yourself than it is to forgive someone else depending on the circumstances.
Myself, 100%
Totally. I think when we think of others, we know they are flawed and will allow for mistakes, etc… but when thinking of ourselves, we HATE not being perfect, we HATE making mistakes, because we know WE are better than that. WE shouldn’t be making such stupid mistakes…. so I think its terribly hard to forgive yourself.
Yourself. I think that generally in life everyone is their biggest critic. It becomes even harder to forgive yourself especially when you know you could do better (at least that’s how it is for me).
myself. everyone is their own worst critic.
personally, struggle a lot more difficult to forgive myself. maybe it just comes with the way i was raised, but i hold myself to an incredibly high standard, and i’m my own worst critic when i fall short. i can deal with other people making mistakes or hurting me; i don’t deal well with myself hurting people. my expectations of myself are always much higher than they are of others.
it depends on what i did and the “another person” did. if we remain on the issue of cheating… the answer is still difficult. if your partner cheated on you.. it will be too difficult to forgive him.. but it is also difficult to forgive yourself for being so stupid and fall such a guy. even if you continue to stay with him, it takes a freaking long time to heal it.. and it takes just the same amount of time or more for you to have complete trust in him again. if you persuaded yourself that you had forgiven him and you didn’t, truth is.. resentment is still in your heart. why do people cheat? is it healthy for you to be emotionally dependent on someone else?
yourself, because you want to forgive yourself, but then there’s that “devil on your other shoulder” that tells you how wrong you did and why you shouldn’t be forgiven. it’s a constant battle in me, i know.
and whether it’s forgiving yourself that’s harder or forgiving someone else.. it still depends on the situation.
definitely harder to forgive myself….though forgiving others isn’t always easy….
Depends on what the other person did and what I did.
i usually find it harder to forgive myself.
Myself. I can get away from someone who’s hurt me, but I can’t get away from the nagging guilty voices in my head.
Both–but the best thing anyone ever said to me was this: If I fail to let go of the guilt after I ask God to forgive me I am actually saying to God that I do not believe his death on the cross was sufficient to cover my sin.
That kinda put things in perspective huh?
I find it infinitely more difficult to forgive myself than others.
Oh man, yourself. For sure.
Myself
the other person
Hmmm. How profound.
I believe that it is much more difficult to forgive one’s self. In yourself, you see every underlying motive, every negative thought that you ever considered. When it comes to forgiving others, you can give them the benefit of the doubt. When you look in on your own soul, you see every reprobate, disgusting thing that ever passed through your mind. Yes, it is much easier to forgive a brother or sister than yourself…
Myself. Period! I rate what I do against what those close to me realisticly expect of me in the way of behavior, because they know me or if they are young, i.e. g-kids, they soon will.
yourself
I think forgiving yourself is harder because you live with yourself every minute. With others, you can put some distance between yourself and them to get some perspective and heal.
It also depends on the situation. Sometimes you can forgive, but the relationship will never be the same. The other person simply cannot be trusted again.
I think working towards forgiveness is extremely important. If you do not forgive, the situation keeps hurting you again and again.
yourself, ofcourse.
it’s hard enough
admitting your own
mistakes, let alone
making yourself
comfortable with
the fact that you
did not succeed.
<3
Yourself. Another person grows more distant with time, but you live with the consequences of your actions forever.
Myself
to forgive oneself!
it is easy to forgive other people. it used to be hard to forgive myself. however, once i accepted the idea that i can only affect what i do NOW, not the past, not the future, and that the past has truly been rewritten by Jesus, i can at least let go of the past. now it only serves to enlighten me, not as a club with which to beat myself over the head.
now.. if i could just be less critical of myself in the Now…..
Myself.
To me, its harder to forgive someone else for the sole reason that I thin I’m pretty freakin righteous unless proven wrong. I do try to live my life not hurting anyone so for me to mess up, is really rare. I cant seem to forgive…..I always seek vengeance. Vengeance makes me feel so much better. BUt until I stop caring, I will forget about hatred and getting even.
myself, it’s not even close.
it is definitely harder to forgive myself.
Definitely yourself.
Definitely myself…
God, did you read my post before this topic?! I am tortured by this daily.
It depends on the sin, but usually myself. And on your friend’s cheating example, that’s one thing that I don’t think I could ever forgive. It bothers me to say that, but I think it’s true.
myself. i’m always reminded of how i failed.
It’s definately hard to forgive myself. I forgive others much more easily. Forgiving someone else for harming a person I love, however, is also very difficult to forgive. But I have to forgive, because Jesus himself said to.
Another person. They have to seem worthy of forgiveness. If they aren’t, it eventually is forgiven anyway, but I will never be friends with them like I was.
you probably wont ever see this comment, but becos i’ve been dealing with the issue of forgiveness very much lately i felt the need to comment. Forgiving someone for me is essential. I cannot exist if i can’t forgive someone. Even if they make no effort to make things right, i can’t continue to be upset becos it effects me more than them. So i always try to make every effort to forgive. Forgetting is the hard part.
Forgiving myself is what i have more of a problem with. I have trouble with just letting go of what i’ve done. It seems to always creep back into my mind. I think its harder to forgive ourselves becos no matter how hard we try, you can’t forget the details.
Another.
Pretty good preaching there Dan.
I think it is easier to forgive others – always.
Satan wants us to carry around a lot of guilt and unresolved negative feelings to distract us from God’s service.
L,r
myself, by WAY far. i’m very forgiving and understanding with other people. i don’t know exactly why i find it so hard to forgive myself… i just expect better of me.
also, i know God wants me to forgive people. that’s why it comes easier. but with forgiving myself, i’m also worried about God forgiving me.
personally, it’s a lot harder to forgive myself. I think it’s because you hold such high expectations for yourself, and if something goes wrong you KNOW you could’ve changed it; you KNOW that it could’ve been different.
Harder to forgive yourself…you never have to see the other person you’ve forgiven, whereas you see yourself everyday.
I suppose it should be easier to forgive yourself- I believe most people go through life with good intentions. given this, it should be easier to understand your own motivations, where it all went wrong, and how you never really meant to hurt anyone. But then, as most of us do hold ourselves a bit above our peers, is the fall from grace that much further so that it becomes more difficult to defend? and while on the topic of motivation, perhaps, deep down, we really are self interested, nasty beings, perhaps we see that only in ourselves, and not around us-making our own indiscretions less forgivable.
The answer, is of course, a question: How do you see yourself? Do you believe you act with positive motivations? that when you do go awry it was, perhaps not out of your control, but at least beyond your foresight. can you say you had the best intentions? Or do you view your motivations as self centered, your indiscretions as a deliberate attempt to gain at another’s loss?
It’s much easier for me to forgive others.
Definally much harder to forgive myself than others.
Myself, definitely.
myself
Myself.
Its one thing to forgive some one else for doing something.
But knowing whatever it was that happened was your fault, and that you made the decision, can be hard.
It depends on what we are supposed to be forgiving. Most of the time I beat myself up about it.
Before you can love, you must love yourself.
Before you can forgive another, you must forgive yourself.
An animal makes a mistake. Its suffers. Once. Then moves on.
Humans make a mistake, they suffer, again and again and again. A lifetime possibly, of suffering, for one mistake.
We punish ourselves, we punish others. But in the end, we are animals. Why not roll with it, make a mistake, suffer once, learn, life goes on.
Dont learn, make the mistake again, suffer again.
But one mistake, one punishment. That sounds about right.
Believe it for yourself, and then you can apply it to others. One mistake, one punishment, forgive.
However… if cheating was a make it or break it issue, and for me, when commitment is specified, it IS. Cheat, the relationship is over. There is no forgive or fixing it, its over, plain and simple. It could end now painfully, or end years from now, wretchedly painfully.
I know, I cheated once, sort of. After that one time I took a vow, never ever EVER to cheat again. Or lie. Ive been very good about it, because the pain I suffered wasnt from watching a young girl I took such great efforts to notice, meet, charm and win over cry and sob in front of me, it was looking in the mirror later on. It wasnt for her, it was for me. Months of effort to win her heart, all gone in an instant, NEVER to be repaired. One mistake, one punishment.
No regrets.
Yourself, obviously.
myself
It Just Depends. But Both Should Be Easy. It Just Never Is.
forgiving someone
for me its forgiving another before myself. i wish i could be easier on myself sometimes
who gives a crap?
Ummm. I guess a lotta people. You guys suck.
Nooma (http://www.nooma.com/)has a great short film on forgivness called “luggage” I think its hard to forgive both yourself and others but if you don’t you just put yourself in bondage to your anger… and thats not a good place to be.
other people
myself!
myself.
both
myself…you cant just push yourself out of your life like another person….and no matter how hard you try, you can never say sorry to yourself or explain why you did what you did…because you wont even try to explain it…it’ll just rot in your coinscience
myself <3
Good Lord, I’m an Irish Catholic, so naturally myself. You know, and God.
Myself, but that is the awesome thing about God…he helps us forgive ourselves knowing he forgives us and to heal past what causes us to not forgive ourselves.
definitely myself.
i like to think that i forgive others easily, as long as i think they are genuinely apologetic for whatever i’m forgiving them for. and i like to think that i can judge whether they are genuine or not. but now that i think about it, it’s harder to forgive myself because i know that sometimes i’m not apologetic, even if i say that i am. so maybe others aren’t as apologetic as i think either. hmm…
READ MY CONFESSION
myself
I think it depends.. There are things that I cannot forgive myself for and things that I can easily forgive myself for. The same goes for other people.
yourself…because you have to live with yourself.
myself
self. no question. still working on that.
forgive yourself is more difficult
I cant truly forgive myself for much
Definitely tougher to forgive myself. Guilt is an awful thing…not to mention destructive. Yet, we carry it more often than self-forgiveness.