February 23, 2006
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Gone
Before I start today’s post, I want to point out an article that I read today on a friend’s site. She wrote an entry about feeling caught in your life. I think many of you would relate to it. So go over and see what she has to say. Her site is ilsurvive.
Here we go:
I have noticed my tendency to not tell people how much I appreciate them. It is only when they are gone that I think to myself that I should have told them how I felt. I have a friend who is leaving xanga today. She has served as an inspiration to me personally.
So many times we have gotten the news that someone we have known is dead. I am one of those people that regrets that I didn’t tell the person how I felt. Recently, I told my dad that I loved him and how much I care about him. He is far from perfect. I don’t know why I waited so long to express my thoughts to my dad. He has always tried to be encouraging to me. I guess we get to a point in our lives where we think the people around us know we love them and care about them.
But I have learned from experience that those people are someday suddenly gone. Without any warning they pass from this earth. And we are left without that last goodbye.
Who in your life should you have said “I love you” to more than you have?
Comments (139)
me
My mom.. but she’s still alive.
luckily i haven’t had a lot of people close to me pass away so…i can say no one.
myself
my sister, probably, or alexander.
Wow this is the second time I hit first not bad for random web surfing.
There might have been someone I should have said I love you but I can’t think of any right now.
However there are people who abuse those words so that they mean less than what they really mean.
I don’t say that to my parents enough. Especially my mom. She’s always looking out for me.
And she packed me a lunch today! *Happiness*
My grandparents? I think otherwise I do pretty good
Well, honestly, it is hard for me to say those words of endearment if I don’t feel it with that person. And as for Asian, I guess we don’t express our love through words but moreso through actions. Hence, til this day, I still find it very intricate to actually utilize those words and mean it. I can only show my love through actions….
probably my dad. I know I will regret it, but its hard to love an abuser.
Speaking as one who has lost everyone…
I have my husband and children and never pictured myself an orphan so to speak at 32.
Everyone, even people I do not know I strive to greet each day with a smile.
Love is not just for those near you.
Love is also not just spoken in words it is in your actions.
Each day is me striving to let go of the little things and I can tell you how easy it is being caught up in life’s pettiness and angers.
In an instant none of those things would matter.
Another reason why the relationship with my husband’s ex weighs heavy on my heart.
Each day I am learning from my mistakes and seek joy from every day I have with my family.
I said ” I Love You” to my dad but never got it back from him, he passed away last year & I whisper still that into his ear in his death bed.
my best friend… i never told her that she was by best friend, and now i’ll never be able to… =(
Mum and dad, probably. I don’t know who else–I guess other members of the family deserve a lot more as well.
My parents. brothers, sister, nephew and nieces, my godkids adn my friends.
…I don’t have anyone like that, I’m very open about such things- maybe to a fault even.
my cousins. we used to be really close when we were little then they moved to LA and we lost touch. the only time we’d see each other was during holidays. they were caught up in the fast lane. they’re dead now. it’s been about…6 years now and it’s still really hard for me think about it. i’d prefer to think that they’re away on a long vacation. when i go to ritual on all hallow’s eve, i like to meditate and “visit” them in my mind. it’ll have to do.
I haven’t had anyone really close to me die yet. But I should (and am trying to) tell my mom how much I love her more often.
I practically never say “i love you” to anyone. Yeah, there are people in my life that i would rather not say that to for they screwed up my life enough. But, my friends…i should let them know how much i love them; even when they block me on AIM, shove me into my locker, and utterly rip my soul out, put it in a blender, add a banana for sweetness, and then drink it infront of my empty carcas. I should also tell him how much i care about him too…but that can never happen…it would cause too much pain…
~silent_for_oblvion
It’s hard. I grew up to be afraid of those words with my parents. I don’t think we could ever say it enough. So my answer is everyone.
I don’t know that I could choose one person. As much as I’d like to think they know, I recognize my tendency to be withdrawn and quite when I dedicate myself to anything I’m involved in, leaving others with the possibility of feeling forgotten. It’s a horrible tendency that I’ve already too many times looked back on with regret. Excellent post.
Piss on that. I’d rather not tell people I love them if I don’t mean it.
All of my grandparents have passed away, including the ones who adopted me and raised me. I told them often that I loved them. I had already moved and hadn’t seen my grandma a month before she died and have often felt guilty and worried that she may have thought I didn’t care. Now I tell everyone I love that I do every opening I get. Even when half of them look at me like I am crazy part of the time. Sometimes it is important to tell people how you feel and you feel better afterwards. There isn’t enough love in the world.
my mother and sister. my girlfriend I will not say “I love you” to, unless I think I will marry her.
Many, many people.
My dad
My friend…..Whitney.
My dad. He was taken from us unexpectedly, so I wish I would have told him more that I loved him before he died. I guess I thought there would be lots more time. He died way too young at the age of 62.
As much as I say I love you to people, I always feel like I need to say it to more! I’m afraid they don’t know. My greatest fear is someone dying, not knowing how much they meant to me or after an argument….
I guess my family and grandparents. I’ve never been in love other wise so that’s it.
~G~
myself
My first thought was an exboyfriend, but he’s still alive. Might have kept him around, if he knew that I appreciated him. *ponders*
For those who have passed… I would say my grandparents.
*A*
my parents and friends
When someone passes away, it never feels like you said “I love you” enough.
Probably M&Ms.
I tell people all the time that I love them because I dont want to regret not telling them.
my family. all of them. i find it so much easier to tell my friends that i love them…. which is odd considering that i think the love i have for my family is much deeper…
My parents and my sister.
My mom and probably my grandparents.
everyone really….but when you do, the receiving party acts weird sometimes because its so unexpected and because people don’t say it often.
My whole family.
oh… wait… were we supposed to answer about someone who has already passed away? i’d say my grampa… i never told him, but he knew.
Definately my mom.
My mom who passed away at the age of 53 almost 7 years ago and my dad who is very ill. He raised me since i was 8 and I owe him everything.
my parents
My parents. I realized that when my Grandpa died two years ago, and have been making an effort to say it when I talk to them.
I say “I love you” to my parents ALL THE TIME…and most of my family members too.
If anything, I think I say “I love you” TOO much…. I can’t wait to say it to my wife…someday. And *every!!* day!
Um…my parents my friends…and “someone” who walked into my life then suddenly left…i remember i told him once i do love him but he ignored me…i think sometimes people acts kinda weird when they heard”I love you”…um…unexpectable.
I should tell my mother I love her…but it’s so weird to cause sometimes she really is freaking crazy!
…him
Thought provoking to the point it that it made my eyes sting. I would have told my Grandma Pauline I loved her more. She lived next door and while we were close when I was a girl, when I became a “rebellious teenager” things slid downhill fast and we argued more often than not.
Both my Grans. Miss them.
My mom.
Well,e veryone pretty much.
Thanks for the link. I commented and linked to her on my blog, it was that awesome!
My mother and my grandparents- all 3 of which are still with us. There’s something about my grandparents…. I tell them thank you all the time and that I love them. I write them Thank You notes for every little thing and yet I still don’t feel like I’ve done enough to really let them know how great they are. If I had a million dollars I would throw them a giant party and send them on a wonderful vacation. They deserve that and more. I’ll never be able to do something that nice so I never feel like I’ve done well enough.
I would say those close to me: ie parents, siblings, friends, etc.
In my Feb. 14 post, I discussed the different kinds of love. I came to the conclusion that I should be more diligent in sharing my feelings out loud (or in print) EVERYone I love, no matter what kind of love it is.
I should have told Annie I admired her, but I never did.
She’s gone now. Died at age 18. God bless.
my kids…sometimes I feel like I spend all day yelling and scolding…
my parents.
my mom & friends.. i try to tell my friends all the time how much they mean to me and how much i value the relationship w/ them
My great-grandma.
My brother… he passed away last November, and he was only 24.
Probably my dad, I should really do that.
my dad, but he is dead so it is too late
I’m young, but I think I might have some content worth reading.
I RECENTLY (JAN) HAD THE RARE & YET UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE TO BE ON THE PHONE WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHEN SHE LOST CONTROL OF HER VEHICLE AND HIT A CEMENT MEDIAN. SHE SUFFERED BRAIN DAMAGE & WAS ON LIFE SUPPORT FROM THAT POINT ON. A WEEK LATER SHE WAS “LET GO”. I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH THE FACT THAT THE LAST WORDS WE SPOKE TO EACH OTHER WERE “I LOVE YOU”. MY FATHER, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAS CREATED A GULF BETWEEN US SO LARGE THAT IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM…HE IS IN POOR HEALTH & I KNOW THAT I WILL LOOSE HIM ONE DAY SOON. I REGRET NOT HAVING THE ABILITY TO BREAK DOWN THE BARRIER THAT HE HAS CREATED.
My grandma. but in general, no one else.
I think I should say it more to my mom before it’s too late…
I should have said “I love you” more often to many people. All of my grandparets, who all died before I turned ten…
My mom and dad.
And especially my friend Kyle, who commited suicide on August 1, 2004 by hanging himself from the rafters in his room. His father always hit him and abused him, and it finally just pushed him over the edge.
I really wish I would have said that more often.
But those words are flung around too casually.
a lot of people. that’s why i always try to tell anyone that i love that i do actually love them and care about them, because everything could change in an instant.
RYC: Your secret is safe with me!!!
my mom. we just dont get along.
my grandma. she hasn’t since i was seven so i wish i had said that when it actually meant something…
*remembered me
the ‘rents
God, Mom
I don’t see them enough, … my parents. I ALWAYS say “I love you” when we say goodbye on the phone… which I rarely get to even talk to them.
I’ll get to see them over SPRING BREAK….
My friend Diana
She has always been there for me, and seem to be an equal with me.
I’m really bad at expressing feelings such as that… So, many people. I need to get better about that.
Hi Dan! The first person that comes to my mind is my “pop pop” (grandfather), and he isn’t alive anymore. I figure you may be talking about people that we do still have with us, but I want to talk about my Pop pop who isn’t. As a child I spent every single weekend at my grandparents house. It was a wonderful time. Though they live here in NY, just as I do, they lived in a much more rural area than where I am. They had horse farms, and ponds with big bull frogs right near them……and they always had tons of animals. Pop pop had a HUGE garden that was his obsession, and I’d eat cucumbers straight out of his garden…. *Smiles*
As you probobly know, I was adopted, and quite honestly wasn’t very accepted by much of my “parent’s”
family, but my Nanny and Pop pop always favored me…more than any of the other grandchildren—even though they were blood related, and I wasn’t. My mother never wanted anything to do with me, and shipped me off to Nanny and Pop pops every weekend. I loved it there! I felt so much love and warmth from my nanny and Pop pop. Eventually, when I was about 18 years old……Nanny developed Alzheimers disease. As it progressed, and got very bad I shut down totally…..COULDN’T go to their house anymore AT ALL ever for my own self preservation. I avoided, and stayed away entirely (causing my mother’s family to dislike me even more than they always had). I left my Pop pop all alone….walked away, turned my back and gave the impression that I was uncaring and unfeeling. Eventually he passed away………and I don’t think that i EVER told him how much I loved him and how much joy he had given me. *cries* darnit! i really am crying thinking about all of this…..
tell those people who you love you much you really love them
My dad. I miss him.
me, my brother, my mom, my dad, friends, grandparents (those that are living), uncles, cousins, aunts, etc…
not necessarily in that order. I think you know what I’m getting at.
Alot of people, but probably my dad and grandma. Don’t know what ya got till its gone.
Eva.
My grandpap.
My great-grandmothers. I’m young, so so far they’re the only ones close to me dead.
As for those still alive, I need to tell me siblings that more…
Everyone. I’m really bad at telling people what they mean to me. I’m pretty good at telling G at least.
my grandma
My father. I’ve said, “I love you” plenty. The problem is that I should have meant it more often.
ALL of my friends…
My dad. He was not really affectionate, and didn’t SAY things alot, he showed them… but I guess thats where I got the habit of not saying it…but now I do.
Lindsey
as long as a loved one knows they were loved and you know that they know that…try not to dwell on their passing or suffering…try to remember the enjoyable, happy times you spent with that person…its what they would want you to do…remembering is showing them love…if you let them die after death is when you should be ashamed.
my grandparents
my parents, and my family, and my friends and myself
My kids. You can never tell them enough.
EVERYONE in my family..
my father
My friends. my neighbors. My cousin. probably pretty much everyone. This question has come up alot recently.
I guess I should take this opportunity to tell you that I think your xanga is amazing, and I look forward each day to reading your new posts and their responses. Thank you for all the great stories and everything. I really do appreciate your xanga.
I never did….. And I lost them forever…..
*
(
*
Nora.
i don’t say it to anyone, to be honest.
i’ve seriously never been in a girl/guy dating relationship long-term enough to say it honestly to a guy.
i should tell my sister; i had a dream that she died the other day,so decided to call to tell her, write her an email, leave her a xanga comment…but i chickened out every time bc it was so unnatural to actually say it or type it.
my high school bestfriend.. she died when we were junior student. she was my bestfriend but she was also my rival in class… we were young and sometimes our rivalry get into the friendship..
now im missing her..
my sister. and my cousins. but ever since 9/11/01 i end every telecon with ‘i love you’ because you never know.
My dad. Although, I SAY “I love you” often enough, I don’t really show it. If something happened to him, I would feel like I didn’t try hard enough to love him even though we don’t get along very well . . . .especially when I know he loves me so much.
Just one
I cant think of a soul. Because I manage to tell those I love every chaance I get…and they know.
My family, my friends, and old ex-friends. I know the last one seems weird, but those three groups have made me who I am and I am forever grateful for that. As for my ex-friends, I whisper ‘I love you’ because I know that I can never go back and tell them ‘I love you’ like I did when we were friends. With those people it breaks my heart that the last ‘I love you’ was expressed with a fight.
Everyone.
Just about everyone I’m close to. Though, I still do have a lot of the people I care for in my life.
My enemies, my daughter and myself.
my damn mother. i don’t get to say it enough because she always infuriates me before i get to say it.
My Dad
Love is a gift from God that we need to share with the world. So I agree with some of the above comments and say everyone….I love you Dan…and defintly my Wife and my parents and um hmm how about Arcane and BartenderJen and Candez and Dabombmom and all the other xanga folks and well lets see the whole wide world and most importantly GOD!
My mom.. sister..dad..brothers..friends..
Myself.
everyone!
my dad. i really wish i had told him how great he was more when he was around. you never really stop to think that tomorrow, someone you know could be gone.
Saying I love you can be cheap. I have said I love you to my kids, my wife, my mom, my sister, etc., many many times. But I feel like I sometimes don’t show it enough with actions. Do you ever think you say “I love you” without really thinking about it? If you thought about it, what would you do different?
Good stuff, the answer is ‘everyone’ ~ WoC ~
The last cigarette in the pack.
You Dan….Totally….You’re a great Xanga friend.
Candy XO
there has been alot of ppl in my life that i never got to say goodbye. some are alive still and some have passed on from this world.but i think to myself maybe its better that way.i think it teachs those of us lessons who have lost someone to be ”loving”or”caring” for the ppl around us.also i think it just comes with age i didnt really start appreciatiing my low income,single mother trying to raise 4 kids on her own all while dealing with her own personal problems until about a year ago.my mother killed her self and sacraficed everything she had to raise me and my brothers 2 of which are autistic all on her own.All that i have to say is to appreciate those around you so that you never miss that goodbye. Those of you that have not lost anyone close to you and have not felt what this post is talking about then just wait it will come with time.
-The Batman 1985-
My paternal grandparents.
Many people.
I don’t think that you can ever say “I love you” enough and I don’t think it’s so much of what we say to them, I think it’s more of what we do for them or maybe both. We can say “I love you.” but never really show that we love that person through our actions but we can also do a bunch of things that show love but never come out with words so we leave the person wondering if we are just really nice and do nice things or if we really love them and that’s why we do our good deeds for them.
I’d probably say that with me, I’m pretty good at saying “I love you.” I usually regret not showing it enough. I think that maybe my parents and siblings I could use a lot more work on saying “I love you” through actions.
My grandmother, for one. Now she’s dying of a brain tumor. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. There are so many other wonderful people in my life too; I seem to always take friendships for granted.
hey whats up this is Alysha
everyone.
there are actually a coulple of people in my life…firstly one of my teachers from my freshman year in high school who passed away in October of 2004…I only knew her as a freshman because I had her for homeroom….but then came my sophmore year and she suddenly passed away…i felt so horrible cause she was such a wonderful caring person as everyone said, and I really do wish I could have gotten to know her so much better and I wish I could have at least expressed to her that I did care….Secondly, my grandmother passed away just this past Christmas, but I couldn’t even tell her how much I loved her cause she was suffering from dementia and wouldn’t understand me anyway….and thirdly I wish I could tell my parents i love them (i don’t know how—it’s much to awkward…and yes they are alive lol)….the only person I can tell “I love you” to is my best friend. i wish I could tell that to more people, but i can’t…and then when they are finally gone I feel horrible about it. I guess that’s all folks.
Who should I have told I love more often???
I dunno, I tell people that fairly often. Maybe some kids at school or something, I dunno. I always have this fear that some random person I meet will kill themselves later that day or something and that I should tell them “I LOVE YOU!!!” or something to try to change their ways.
=/
But it’s not that easy usually. Not that I’ve ever done it.
…I’m such a freak.
-me
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To my lover… who was taken suddenly from me when Mecha-Godzilla attacked my homecity of Tokyo last year.
The ones that automatically come to mind are my grandma, who has died…I regret that alot…it can make me just sick inside with regret when I think over it.
I also need to tell my parents more now…while I still have the chance.
I never say “I love you” to anyone..hmm
My parents were from the coal regions words were not necessary, years back. It was an understanding that we loved each other. Then as we grew older and chasms were created, it became even harder to say it. But I did. And in cards it showed up–the WORDS–I love you. with my Dad it was easier-to say them, when he was in his seventies, because you realize how precious time is and you can see chances to express love vanishing before your eyes. When my Mom was laying in a hospital bed and realization was hitting me for microseconds that I was going to lose her, the words came out. But they sounded hollow. Not because I didn’t, but because we learned early on that showing love was more important than saying it. And there were too many times that I had let her down.
It was like saying “Sorry” after the fact, when if there was consideration given to how words can sting and hurt beyond what an apology can cover.
The word “LOVE” when said constantly, looses its meaning. It is at the same time delicate and full of weight. Forgiving and full of hope. Maybe the word ‘Love’ would mean all of that and much much more if we all understood that.
Some of us are wise enough that we already understand it, and for some of us, the realization is that it is too late.