March 26, 2006
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Fighting
Fighting has been around as long as boys and men have been around. Boys just seem to fight. My dad used to tell me about his fights. I got in a bunch of fights when I was younger. It came to a place where I realize that fighting wasn’t accomplishing anything. So as I have been raising my boys, I have been careful to try to raise them to avoid fights. Part of my strategy was to avoid mentioning the fights that I got into when I was a kid. I think sometimes dads can accidentally encourage fighting by telling their sons about their own fights when they were kids.
The other day my boys were playing basketball. A few kids came along and stole their basketball. They threw it in the recycle trash can. My son and his little brother came home and avoided a fight. I am concerned that I have raise my oldest to avoid a fight at all cost. I am concerned that he gets picked on because he won’t stand up for himself.
Should a parent teach their child to fight in order to avoid fighting?
Comments (175)
no
yay first!
Like… Safe fighting? The same concept as safe sex? Like that? No? XD
no, they can learn by themselves it they want to.
aw, so close.
It’s a confusing question. I guess it could work…..
I want my son to be able to defend himself, but not to the point of hurting someone to defend himself. I want him to be able to stand his ground, but to also consider turning away to be better than fighting. I want him to be sure of himself, raising him to respect himself not because of the opinions of others, but because of his own self-respect. I think that if he can stand his ground, but show respect in not hurting another, he can be a better person and gain the respect of others even.
not necessarily, but it can’t hurt.
teach them to stand up for themselves, but only when it’s worth it. if fighting comes with that, then teach them to fight wisely, and not irrationally
That’s a case where self-defense would come into play. For instance, one parent could have their child enrolled in martianl arts classes to learn self-defense. In addition to receiving a quality workout, they would also learn how and when to use the abilities that they have learned…
It’s probably to their benefit that they can defend themselves, but much care must be taken. Personality should also be considered. An aggressive child is not someone you necessarily want to arm with fighting skills. You might consider a martial arts school that teaches discipline and has a self-defense only mindset.
no, sometimes fighting can be good because it indirectly teaches a child the essence of fair play and to stand up for himself and herself. I think the parent should take special care to teach the child the right moment to fight and the right moment to make peace.
Hmm…
They should be able to defend themselves without really hurting the other person.
i think the best path is to always keep reminding them that you only need to fight someone if the other person is getting ready to harm someone or you, you know, like self defense
although fighting IS NOT the solution, keeping ourselves whole is the dominant choice…….kinda like, for example, how cops are not allowed to shoot the bad guys unless the bad guy(s) are posing harm or make a move to enforce violence with a weapon……..otherwise, the only thing to restrain them is to tazer, beat, or knock down on floor and handcuff them
at least that’s just the way i see it
QUESTION:
do you like never comment back ppl, is that like how you work or something…..just wonderin
whoops…. i accidentaly commented you on another xanga.
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Of course! Bush’s Doctrine of Preemptory bloodshed is fun for the whole family!
It’s what Jesus would do!
I think most fights should be avoided but not at all costs. Some things are worth fighting for. One just has to determine what those things are. Pete
cool
Teach them to fight for what is right. Whatever you decide that may be.
I think that defeats the purpose of it….
I get picked on sometimes, too, though. I have found that the only way to make it stop is to ignore it, but that obviously doesn’t make it stop immediately. I don’t know, I’m still a work in progress, especially in dealing with aggressors.
“Of course! Bush’s Doctrine of Preemptory bloodshed is fun for the whole family! It’s what Jesus would do!”
With all due respect, what does this have to do about Bush?
I think your plan is just fine – learning disciplined self defense may not be a bad idea, but if they are confident in who they are – they’ll know when to walk away and when to flip a table that needs it.
no, to physical fighting…
yes, to fighting (non-physical ways) for what is morally right…& what he believes in…
they should teach self defense, but not to be used as a way of life. I was taught to never hurt anyone, but if it came down to me getting really injured, i was told to defend myself. It should be that way because life is not safe. But it also should not be filled with hate and violence.
When my oldest 2 were little (girl & boy) a neighbor boy kept hitting them. I finally told them to hit him back. They went outside and I heard them call “Freddy, come back here. Our mama says we can hit you.” When we went to Africa we did not take any toy guns, because we did not want to re-inforce the image of violent Americans. We had not been there long before all the children (African, Swiss, and American) were happily playing together, using sticks as guns.
I realize I didn’t answer the question. I think it just depends.
yea sure. a little self defense is good, but should only be used as a last resort.
Hmm.. this is otugh.
Firts off, explain to him that while fighting is bad, he does need to draw a line. If another child goes so far as to hit your son, teach him not to hit back, but instead walk away. this is what Jesus called “turning the other cheek”. If the toher child continues, an adult obviously needs to get involved.
<3//j
self defence like tae kwon do wouldn’t hurt. teaches self control and stuff
You don’t start a fight, and you avoid fighting if it is possible, but you also have to know when to stand up for yourself and kick some ass if you’ve been wronged.
There’s a also a clear difference between war and fistfights, though. In war, innocent people always get hurt in some way. In a fistfight, you really can target only the person who has been treating you unfairly and stand up for yourself. I only mention this because I assume that people will get into the Iraq war debate somewhere in this discussion.
Whoops, I can already see that people have gotten into it. Yay scroll function!
you must fight for whats right…if, what your fighting for is the right to party…seriously, though, I only got in one fight with a kid who wouldn’t leave me alone…he weighed about 30 lbs more than me…thats when I was a stick…one day I had enough of his crap…he provoked me and I beat the living daylights out of him…he never messed with me again…we even became friends…those who pick on other people will become those who operate the fry machine at burger king
Fight. Gives them the respect they need.
perhaps..
Teach them to respectfully confront someone. Teach them when they need to fight and when they need to let things go. Don’t teach them to put up with being disrespected and walked on.
I say yes. But only because I got tired of watching my kids back down. My husband had opposite feelings…he believed you should walk away.
I would watch out the window as my kids would play football and my oldest son would come in the house and cry because one of the guys hit him and he didnt wanna hit back. I sat him on the couch and I said…next time he does it you just knock him back as hard as you can. And I watched out the window…sure enough, it happened again and my son socked him one and the kid ran home crying and my son came in the house crying…and I said…what’s the problem, and he looked at me and said…”That was just so against what we believe”…and I said ya, but he will never do it again. And it cured my son from ever being picked on again, because that kid wore a black eye to school for over a week.
And yes my husband was mad.
RYC: Thanks for you kind comment. The older I get, the younger I try to be.
Nicely phrased question. People should know how to defend themselves, and they should know when they need to use physical force. I wouldn’t call that “fighting”. Maybe “Karma comin’ atcha w/ a can of Whipass,” but not fighting.
I think that just encourages it more.
they should teach them to stand up for themselves.
so if someone is stealing your stuff, and you think you can take them, fight back
but if someone goes is just going “hey, wanna fight? are you chicken?” or stuff like that, then you should walk away
(girls fight to, by the way. though I am assuming you are referring to physical fights)
As mentioned before me, Martial Arts/ Karate ect… is a good tool to teach people to fight, but avoid them when possible. It worked for me.
I think that “turn the other cheek” should be used most of the time, like in the basketball case. Your sons should have given them their football too I guess…
Obviously, you have to defend yourself from violence.
Good, tough, question actually. Hmmmmm
Jesus didn’t have to pick a fight. He didn’t have to smash those who picked on Him.
ARE YOU LISTENING FUNDAMENTALISTS!!!
*ahem* now then….
It is good for a child to have enough confidence in who he is, what is right and wrong, that he knows when something is worth getting in someone’s face about and when it isn’t. That’s how Jesus handled confrontation. He confronted the Pharisees and people who needed to be confronted, but He let a lot of people just go their way, whether they agreed with Him or not, whether they used Him, wanted to use Him, betrayed Him, spit on Him, tried to throw Him off a cliff, whatever….
Teach them to stand up for themselves… but also teach them when is the appropriate time to do it. Also teach them that it’s ok to defend others, ecspecially when they have girlfriends and wives one day. I think it’s good to teach them to fight. Just make sure they only use it when they have to.
It’s one thing to defend himself if someone is beating him up, but you’re better off to tell him to ignore people at all cost… they’ll eventually get bored and leave them alone
I think it is essential for a kid to be able to stand up for himself/herself. If that involves a fight now and again, so be it. You can’t get beaten up your whole life.
no its not if you want your kids to take up for themselves…just let them know to only fight when there is a real cause to fight…and not to start it..my mom always told me to avoid fights at all cost except when it was needed and that the stronger man takes the second punch….i would tell your kids about certain fights in your life…not all just to give them the clue that its ok when it comes to taking up for themselves
NO! Fighting is wrong….allways.
only teach them self defence and to use this skill only as a last resort.
RYC: Since the world leaders seem to be at the core nothing more than immature kids getting into stupid fights anyway, I don’t really see how it’s that hard to make the connection.
How hard is it, really, to get decent leaders in power? Why are people like Gandhi so revered? Because they are smart enough to realize that everything would be so much better if everyone would just put some effort into peace.
Just because they went to Ivy League schools and have other people who went to Ivy League schools standing behind them doesn’t mean that our leaders are actually doing something smart. Intelligent, maybe, in the way that they manipulate people. But not smart, because someone who actually has something more than a flicker of a light in their attic knows that all this stupid crap is not good for humankind.
George Dubya’ is just a sad man who never grew up. He’s been shoved into a suit, but if he seriously thinks that what he does in the White House is good for humankind, or even for the America he claims to love, then he doesn’t understand what he’s doing. I’m pretty sure that he knows exactly what he’s doing, however, and his goals are far less admirable than Fox News would like you to think.
I don’t believe that we should teach our kids to fight, per se, but equipping them to deal with some of life’s less nice moments is neccessary anymore. I want my children to be smart about situations, but I also want them to be able to stand up for themselves when appropriate.
Giving children self-defence lessons isn’t a bad idea, either. Most self-defence institutes that teach children teach them that hitting back is a last resort.
I would not encurage your sons to fight, however let your sons fight each other occasionally. That way they can see how to fight when the time comes that they actually need to fight.
When i was younger me and my brother fought almost everyday, untill my mum would break us up, or untill he had finally hurt me enough for me not to rush back at him. This is how i learned how to fight. Then a couple years later when i moved and started going to an all black school, white kids were usually picked on unmercifulally. But because i actually stood up to them when both them and I knew they would kick my butt, they never bothered me. Most of them eventually became me good friends, all because i refused to back down.
You could say it like my dad di to me, “there should only be two hits, you hitting him, and him hitting the floor.” teach them to defend themselves and others (i.e. little brothers or sisters) and to stand up, but not to be the aggressor unless they feel it absolutely necessary for someone’s safety, and it doesn’t hurt to have them drag their opponent to the principal or the police, or you to explain the situation as soon as it’s over.
when i was in middle school, one of the kids that bullied me all the ime walked out of the bathroom (we did that line up to go back to class on the big line in the middle of the floor thing) and punched me in the face with no provoking, no fore-warning, nothing. i took him byt the throat, and threw hi through the assistant principal’s doorway, and told her to deal with him, because i was tired of putting up with him, or i’d kick his ass next time. i was one of those kids that put up with the bullying and said nothing about it, afraid if i did, y parents would get involved and it would be really awkward and uncomfortable, and i might hit him one day and get in trouble.
no, but at the same time i think it’s important for the kids to learn it for themselves or else they might actually get picked on. i have a friend who grew up in detroit and got in a lot of fights as a kid but now is all for peace and avoids it when he can (unless he was getting picked on and there was no way to back out) because I guess he realized fighting doesn’t accomplish much.
dont encourage him and dont tell him not to fight. let him stand up for himself.
teach them to fight, but tell them only to do it in self defence. my mom doesn’t care if i get suspended for a fight, as long as I didn’t start it.
yeah… i think you should.
no
Fighting when he or his loved ones, or valued property is at stake.
Never as a provocation.
Perhaps it would be better to teach your children how to stand up for themselves in a non-physical way. It is alright to tell them that physical fighting will not solve their problems, but they need to know what they can do instead.
Good luck!
They should teach them to STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES. And to STAND UP FOR OTHERS. But not to fight for the sake of fighting, for the sake of beating down others. That is wrong.
And…I know this may seem rather odd, but I think you might enjoy a post I wrote. It’s the most recent one. If you don’t have time to read it, it’s fine. You seem like a pretty busy person.
-John
I don’t get your question.. it’s dumb
but.. I teach my kids to not put up with BS and if that means smackin’ someone upside the head then do it!
My kids will not be bullied.
A child shouldn’t be encouraged to fight or discouraged to fight. To avoid telling them about your past at all costs is just as ridiculous as glorifying your fighting matches. A healthy balance of being honest with teaching the right lessons would be more beneficial as it’s more believable to them and doesn’t set them up to think that you were perfect and they need to try to live up to an image that doesn’t exist.
Secondly, there comes a time and a place that one needs to stand up for themselves, others and what they believe in. No matter if you are a male or a female. Every now and again – a good ass-whooping just comes to order for the right reasons…and yes I do believe there are right reasons from time to time.
I think a child should be taught when to walk away and when to stand up for himself. Fighting is never the answer, but sometimes it’s the only choice.
Everyone should know basic self-defense, but should also know that it’s not the solution. It is only what you have to do if you are attacked.
A season for all things – but the biggest battle to be fought is not with others – but with self. True courage has no need to display itself.
teach them how to roll with the crowd…but not so much that it changes who they are.
That’s a difficult situation. I think parents should definately discourage fighting, but, as in all things, there must be moderation. There are times when you have to stand up for yourself, the most common of which would involve self-defense.
good question. I grew up avoiding fights at all costs, but there have been times when I would just punch the other guy in the stomach and then run home because I didn’t want to fight at all.
I must admit, I don’t know what produces those people who aren’t timid but don’t get into fights that we all should live up to. When I figure it out, I’ll have one less thing to learn before becoming a father (probably in about 6 years)
I don’t have sons, and assume the dynamics between little boys is different than that of arguing girls. I do tell my daughters to not EVER, EVER let anyone put their hands on them (other children) and would be angry if someone got physical with either of my children and they didn’t fight back. Does that make me a horrible person? *cringes* I just don’t want people to see them as weak. So far my girls haven’t had to get physical…there has been no knock down drag out fighting situation they’ve been in. Arianna is the more likely of my girls to be physical, and there has been some pushing and shoving going on over the years with her….like if someone tries to cut her on a line….or if someone tries to cut another child who is quiet and shy….Arianna will get physical then…to stand up for herself or someone else who isn;t standing up or themselves……and I like that quality about her.
no, they should teach there kid to fight so they win the fight.
I think there is some level of difference between teaching sons, or daughters, to turn to other cheek as Christ taught, and teaching them to never defend themselves or others. To say that fighting is completely wrong may lead to physical harm coming to a child because they won’t defend themselves. But to teach that fighting proves something, is also just as bad.
I used wit, savvy, tact and humiliation to avoid every physical confrontation I’ve ever been in
I think a parent should teach very carefully when it’s ok to stand up for yourself, but not encourage belligerince (is that even a word?).
Fighting may be the only choice?? Aw, com’n, people. There are all kinds of choices rather than a physical fight. There’s sarcasm. Humor intended to embarrass the offending party in front of others. Poker faces. Telling his Mama. Telling your Mama to tell his Mama. And what about the infamous bluff?? I was always good at bluffs. My father taught me to bluff, and to do it right. I think he realized that I was small for my age, and one of the super-smart kids, and other kids were picking on me a lot. Big kids, too. So, I learned to use words to fight their intent of torture. I learned to bluff my way thro an intense situation. Oh, yeah, I am female, and that never changed. I was even one of those pretty, dainty ,little girls with curls and all. I have no idea why kids—mostly boys—wanted to start fights with me. I just know that I won. Always. And without raising a fist. Usually the kids that attempted these fights with me became my friends later on. Several of them stated that they didn’t realize I was so nice.
Ryc: Yup, that’s pretty much it. Only, Morgan nor I ordered a single thing. The prices were insane! Ah, Southern Living…I have a message for you… Not everyone is that well off.
with the public school system being the way it is…I think they should learn to defend themselves and others…but not fight for the sake of fighting….learning the difference is the key…
I am still in the fighting age. I am only 15, so this is coming from things that just happened. I have never had a need to get in a fight. I am not very strong, but I expect I could hold my own. I am a Black belt, and wrestled with my friends and brothers almost everyday for about 3 years. I have often wanted to get into a fight, but I learned a trick that has helped me out. If your kid *wants* to go fight someone, have them think about for a couple of days. If they still want to do it, it must be a serious issue. Most of the time, they will just realize it was a stupid issue.
Self-defense is a whole other issue. I had to defend myself once or twice. You don’t need to teach bloodshed, but teach about respect and standing up for good causes. If a older kid was picking on your son, wouldn’t you want him to show the other kid what’s right and what’s wrong? He doesn’t have to fight, he just needs to get the point passed the bully. It’s worked well for me. And walking away is always useful. Being the bigger person can be as damging as a kick, if used right.
And I say kick, because in my experience, kicks hurt alot more then punches.
I’ll just say I won’t feel sorry for my child if they are half as whiny as the kids now days that have been raised to think that everyone has to like them, treat them fairly, and the world is made of sunshine, rainbows, and puppies. Of course I am raising my kids to fight.
Your child is the only one that can let himself feel “picked on.” If he knows that he is doing the honorable thing by turning the other cheek, he will not feel “picked on.” He will know that he responding to what Christ would have him do.
I disagree with the idea that violence should be used only as a last resort. Life isn’t a game, and if society is not prepared to do enough to deter verbal bullying then kids should have the right to learn whatever skills they need (including physical and psychological ability to commit violence) in order to protect themselves from the psychological damage that verbal bullying can cause.
If I had children I would make sure they had martial arts training – including use of weapons – from an early age.
I think that a parent should teach their kids to defend themselves the right way, and to stand up for the guy being picked on. My Dad told me that the only reason to actually fight is if somebody insults your women folk, or if they start beating on you first. I was taught a lot of judo which keeps people from hurting you without really hurting them. What I found is that if you hurt a bully and he leaves you alone, that gives you a reputation. What in the world would somebody want with one of those? Having to fight everytime somebody thinks they can beat you…it’s all rot. However, killing the pride that turns a boy into a bully without hurting him is much more effective. He leaves you alone, and he is still the one with the rep (although a bit of a damaged one).
My mom always told me that if anyone ever picked on me, to fight them…and if I put up one good fight, win or lose, no one would ever pick on me again because they want a push over, not a fight…
she was right haha
First off, fighting has evolved over the years, or at least the fighting I endure.
It’s more verbal taunting and blackmail.
Yea, kids blackmail each other. It’s quite scary.
I think parents should not teach their kids to fight, but moreso how to respond to threats and stuff like that correctly.
of course.. i’ve been taught how to fight and now i kno what i can do to someone if they want to fight me… so i avoid all fighting.
I would teach them a bit about physical fighting. Sometimes it’s necessary
I would see nothing wrong with teaching my son how to fight, if I had one… because I would also Teach Him several concepts of Philosophy to balance out agression.
Hey Dan, just wanted to stop by say hi. Deb and I are going to give it one last shot…. I am sure she has already told you by email or the other.
No.
OK…AT AGE 8 I WAS PLAYING TAG FOOTBALL WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD BOYS (I WAS A TOMBOY). ONE OF THEM TACKLED ME, I WOULDN’T GIVE HIM THE BALL SO HE BACK HANDED ME IN THE JAW. I WENT HOME PISSED OFF…DAD SAID, “WELL, GO WHIP HIS ASS!” I TOLD HIM I DIDN’T KNOW HOW…HE TAUGHT ME 3 THINGS & I WALKED BACK DOWN THERE & PUT AN END TO THIS BOYS WORLD! LOL…THAT SAME BOY, 3 YEARS LATER, BECAME THE FIRST BOY THAT I EVER KISSED! LOL
FYI…TONY TAUGHT MY SON HOW TO FIGHT BECAUSE THE FIRST 2 DAYS OF SCHOOL ANOTHER BOY WAS BULLYING HIM & IT PISSED HIM (& ME) OFF. TONY TOLD HIM WHAT TO DO, HE WENT TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY & DID…LANDED US ALL IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE BUT IT WAS SOOOO WORTH IT BECAUSE IT GAVE ME A CHANCE TO SAY, “I TOLD YOU TO PUT A LEASH ON THIS KID SO THE BULLYING WOULD STOP…YOU DIDN’T, SO I DID!” THAT BOY NEVER MESSED WITH MY SON AGAIN!
TEACH YOUR SON TO DEFEND HIMSELF & NOT TO TAKE ANYONE’S CRAP…IT DOESN’T MEAN HE WILL BE PICKING FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE! OOOO…BETTER YET, PUT HIM IN TAE KWAN DO. THEY TEACH DEFENSE BUT THEY ALSO STRESS THE FACT THAT IT WILL NOT BE USED IN PLAY OR AT SCHOOL. GIVES THEM LOTS OF CONFIDENCE…AND WHEN THE OTHER KIDS HEAR ABOUT IT…THE END! LOL
MISS TALKING TO YOU DAN…
DEBBIE
ryc: the last post just a few minutes, because it’s mostly just photos. Much of the poetry/writing I pen as I’m posting, so I have spent hours on certain posts. ~tony
And yes, it would cool too meet in a social venue like my party… instead of this wasteland of zeros and ones, lol.
No.
No matter if the boys get picked on or not, the right thing to do is turn the other cheek. Daddy teaches us that this is what we are to do. He tells us that we have the power to heap coals of fire on the heads of our assailants when we do that.
It is a hard thing for a dad to know his kids are getting picked on. Been there. But do we want to teach them that violence is the solution or following the teaching of Jesus?
God takes care of those who get picked on and there are consequences for those who do the ‘picking’. I think you have done good.
L,r
Maybe, maybe not. But I think a parent should teach their child anything and everything in order for them to defend themselves.
I think there is a difference between going and looking for a fight and fighting to stand up for yourself. My parents taught us to fight to stick up for ourselves and others weaker than ourselves. But fighting is something little boys do naturally. Its part of their make up and shouldn’t be discouraged, just make sure they know not to go out looking for a fight. Boys like to wrestle, their games are full of violence. This doesn’t make them bad, its just how they’re made. When you were listening to your Dad’s fights weren’t you caught up in it? You enjoyed hearing about his exploits? Its ok to pass that along. Boys are prone to fighting, hiding them from it won’t help the. I’d suggest you read “Bringing up Boys” by Dr. James Dobson. Its a great book…good luck! Children are wonderful!
I bet all his little friends make fun of him for being a pussy.
There’s a sign in my highschool that basically says ‘All this won’t matter when you graduate…’
So. Just encourage him to do the right thing.
Because as long as he knows it’s right, it doesn’t matter what everyone else says.
But he needs to know when to stand up for himself.
And when to just back down because he knows things will spiral into a fight.
No fighting, it causes more problems. Schools dont allow it here in Texas and students can get suspended, and tickets.
I think that there is a difference between fighting physically as opposed to standig up for yourself. I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to encourage physical confrontation because it can be dangerous and it doesn’t solve anything. That said – It is important to knwo that you can stand up for yourself with words and be the bigger person so as not to be waled all over all the time. If you begin to avoid all confrontation you can start to be pegged as a door mat. I think the trouble with father’s realtingtheir own fighting experiences to their sons comes in the way they do it. If you were to brag about your fights as though they were a part of your “glory days” then you end up glorifying the concept of physical fighting. Discussing physical fighting as something that should be avoided is a good idea, but it’s important for your sons to know the other options they have in a situation that could warrant a fight so that they are prepared and don’t constantly end up at the short end of the bullying stick to be made to do things that they don’t want to just because they canot stand up for themselves could almost be just as harmful as a punch in the face.
Teach them to fight to avoid fighting? That doesn’t make sense. I guess maybe if you put them in a martial arts class (and stress the factor of only using it when necessary, never to srat a fight or for a frivolous fight) then maybe.
I am opposed to fighting all the way. I will always encourage my kids to use their words or walk away rather than get in a fight. Fighting accomplishes nothing orther than broken limbs and bloodied noses. Perhaps if you’re the biggest kid or best fighter it gives you status, but otherwise you’re just getting beaten up. Besides, what if that fight gets you in trouble? I don’t think it’s worth it.
There will always be assholes in life, whether they’re throwing your basketballs in dumpsters or taking credit for your work. The smart person figures out how to avoid or get around these sityuations without resorting to force.
Fighting doesn’t solve anything!
ryc: Ha! Try to answer yesterday’s post.
Let me know when you figure out the answer to this one. . .Haven’t even thought about physical fights yet (in regard to parenting, as my oldest is only 9 –and a girl). Self-defense is good, but you wouldn’t want them coming to blows over a basketball. I think one of the advantages of self-defense training is that folks leave you alone, and you never have to get in a fight. Now that may just be true for girls (I was a black belt in highschool); I wonder if I’d been a guy if guys would have felt the need to ‘test my skills’ by picking fights with me.
you could teach them what to do if someone tries to stab them.
I think self defense is completely different from bullying and instigating fights. Self defense should be taught.
uhh….NO.
Teach them self defense. I’m a huge advocate of self-defense, but you must be sure to emphasize the “no first attack” principle.
Defend. Not initiate. J had problems when he was in grade school. His dad always told him to stay out of fights – that he didn’t want to get a call from school ever because of a fight. He went to a rather rough elementary, and became the brunt of bullies, because of his avoidance. One week, he came home with a torn shirt three days in a row. One of the bullies had decided that he would rip his pockets off every day. J’s dad, a struggling businessman, was tired about the ruined shirts, finally told him to let the guy have it.
The next day, the school called. The bully was sent to the hospital after J defended himself.
He never was picked on again.
Since we are attacking fundamentalism back there…
Read the bible, God has a warring nature. Read the book of revelations…Jesus when he comes back isn’t coming back all nice and pretty…since men are made in God’s image they are naturally fighters. Jesus isn’t just talking to the pharisees when he confronts them, he does turn over a few tables in the temple where they were selling animals for sacrifice. Its just natural for kids to fight.
Quote from Wild at Heart…”And when Christ returns, he is at the head of a deradful company, mounted on a white horse, with a double-edged sword, his robed ipped in blood. (Rev. 19)
I was taught to only fight if I had to. I was to never start the fight, but if someone hit me or pushed me, then it was ok for me to fight them.
But you must be careful that your kids aren’t going to go around looking for reasons to fight.
ALTHOUGH…how unfulling for the bully to not have his aggression matched by aggression. True? Your son basically told these bullies that they were not worth his time and energy. He told them that, fine, whatever, we’re going to do something else. Did they run home crying…or simply walk away?
There is great strength in protecting his younger brother and walking away to safety. Fighting is not always the answer. Jesus was faced with some harsh bullies and yet He maintained his composure until He came across the money changers…and then it was righteous anger. I don’t think you are raising a whimp…I think you are raising a great man…a great protector for his future family.
Strenght through deterrence is my motto, and I’m passing that on to my son. You only need to win one good fight to avoid many others. Sometimes, avoiding a fight costs more in face than that getting punched in the face. My advice to him has always been to stand his ground and look down an opponent.
When I was in 10th Grade this one fellow wanted to fight me. Every day he’d challenge and terrorize me in the halls. Finally, after he and his gang cornered me outside a classroom, I realized I had no allies. A male teacher saw the whole thing and just let it happen. That’s when I realized that society tells us not to fight, but won’t step in to stop one if the thugs push the issue.
My father taught me to end fights quickly. “You’re not boxing, so don’t try to go 9 rounds.” He taught me to draw first blood by aiming my first punch at the nose. So, per my father’s advice, I busted the guy right in the old ’snot locker.’ He had to stop the bleeding and get ice on it for the rest of the day. My reputation was set. Nobody messed with me again.
Fighitng is bad , but not being able to stand up for yourself is too. I think, you should disicipline them and teach them fighting. They should be able to stand their ground, argue their beliefs, and know how to defend themselves in unavoidable situations, but at the same time, they should be well-disciplined enough to know when.
It depends on the individual. I’m really quiet usually, pretty calm. My brother’s only 7, but he’s alot more violent, he got in a fight with another little kid the same age after the kid started verbally insulting him. [My brother won]. He’s in the nurse’s office at his school about once a week because he’s running around do something crazy and gets hurt. Doesn’t matter to him at all though. I was always a really careful kid at that age, pretty much never got hurt. Aside from white water rafting/kayaking I’m still pretty cautious. Kids can be very, very different.
I think that the best thing a parent can teach there kids is at what point does it becomes the proper situation to fight, debate or just walk away.
Is a basketball worth a fight? I think not.
It’s good to know how to defend yourself, not to pick a fight, but to defend yourself from attackers and potential kid nappers, molesters etc.
Of course I am a huge supporter of Judo.
My oldest nephew was picked on when he was little. We put him in self defense classes to help him learn to protect himself, but he just wasn’t a fighter. There was something about him though that seemed draw the other kids into abusing him; maybe because he took it? Then puberty hit – and he GREW and suddenly was taller and heavier then the kids that used to pick on him – and they were all suddenly eager to be his friend. Here’s the thing – they all wanted to be his friend even though he had never fought back and gave no inidcation of wanting to once his size increased. Did they just grow out of the meaness? Did they appreciate his restraint? Did they become friends to prevent him from starting? Don’t know – but it was not in his nature to fight with the boys, either in defense or in aggression – no matter how much self defense class he had. He saved that for his brother
Unless it’s under the guidance of an instructor trained in self-defense, like one of hundreds of Americanized martial arts schools, I think it’d be better to just teach them to avoid fighting. They’re going to be picked on no matter what. Better to raise them not to fight than accidentally create a bully.
I say it’s necessary to stand up for yourself, but to avoid physically fighting unless it is absolutely necessary for self defense. If someone does you wrong, then I believe it is your duty to confront them, hopefully in a calm and productive manner.
fighting is fun, but truly destructive.
its in our human nature to fight and i think there is no way to make our kids abastain from fighting.
because in some way or another they will. whether it be with theyre fists or theyre words…
and some times words cut deeper than a punch…
-kenneth
mm I think ide just teach them to defend themselves if they ahve to and never throw the first punch.
I am a christian. I have a son and I think all boys should know how to fight. But, it is to defend, not to attack. I want my son to be able to protect his family someday, if it is necessary. It’s fine to call 911, but you can’t always do that. So, you pray, and then do what needs to be done. My. 02
My grandma told me that if you ask someone 3 times to stop it, and after the third they do it again, you can hit them as hard as you want. So that’s worked really well for me, because I’ve never gotten into a fight.
I think parents should teach their children to know when they should find, and when they shouldn’t. Self-defense is good to know…and it’s also important to know how to stand up for yourself, but it’s equally important to know when to fight and when to walk away.
hmm well i avoid fights but my parents didn’t nessisarliy teach me that. they told me to stand up for myself.. but personally i don’t like much confrontation so i just don’t get myself into many situations but somethings you cant prevent so i think it nwould be wize for a parent to teach there children to stand up for them selves but never give into violence
No, but I think that they should teach their children to be confident about themselves, because then they won’t stand up for themselves.
I’ve been in many fights in my life, but I’ve never started one. The thing is I have always been bigger (taller and wider) than the other kids ever since I was in preschool. So kids (boys AND girls) always tested me. My philosophy was to never strike the first blow. I can endure cruel words, and I developed a pretty thick skin over the years. But if someone actually hit me, I felt I had complete license to defend myself and put a stop to it. This continued even highschool, because even though the boys had all gotten bigger than me, some of the girls hadn’t, and many were still out to prove something.
I would tell you to teach them not to fight dirty, but unfortunately, real world situations usually call for fighting dirty just to defend yourself.
My duaghter is taught that violence is never the answer, but sometimes, its the last resort and the only thing that works. If she is being attacked, she will fight back. I couldn’t handle a sissy girl.
If your kid establishes himself with one fight against a fairly tough kid then he will be exempt from future fighting, at least for a while. That’s what I noticed while I was in school at least. Oh- and he has to win, or at least come out ahead in some sort.
why do you say my son and his little brother
No, teach them to avoid fighting by not making people want to hit them.
Yes, I think so.
no, you have to teach them when fighting is worth it.
fighting is how people survieve. It doesn’t have to be physical, mentally as well.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Just give them grenade launchers—or have them make friends with some poor kids who they can convince to do their fighting for them.
It’s the republican way.
hahahahhaha
I think self-defense is very important to learn. To me that includes wayyy more than a lot of people think when self-defense comes up. To me it means knowing how to physically defend yourself with your bare hands, with improvised weapons, and having a working knowledge of firearms use and safety. It means being able to verbally and rhetorically defend your position, and to know what your positions are. It means knowing when you should physically fight for yourself or someone else, and just as importantly, when you shouldn’t. It means knowing how to avoid fights and to give everyone the opportunity to not fight as often as possible. And it means being assertive and kind, using only the minimum level of any kind of force necessary to protect yourself or others. That may be a few kind words to defuse the situation, blocking an attack, disarming an opponent, or shooting to kill, but the guiding rule is to do as little harm as possible.
Of course, that also means never starting fights… but always being capable of finishing them.
My sons and I went to TakKwonDo (Korean Karate) school. Fighting is necessary for survival. What would your sons do if those punk kids started punching them? Run? We have two survival instincts fight or flight. Running is an option but it lowers their self-esteem.
My sons are not aggressors by any means but they don’t get bullied on since they exude natural confidence. Teach your sons to fight Dan. But tell them only to use their training when they have no choice.
Now come watch my latest video
No, I believe in letting children settle their own fights, unless it becomes too violent. They need to learn their own coping mechanisms. and how to handle themselves and others.
The torrid sun melts the mountain snows. When anger comes, then wisdom goes. (Chinese proverb)
Teach him instead to use his mind to avoid violence.
As a child there were times I had to intervene with parents or other children to help him do that. (It is much more challenging to learn than fighting) However, now, as a 21 year old, he has negotiation skills far beyond his years.
teach them to defend themselves, not fight.
I think you need to teach them to walk away whenever possible but there comes a point in time when enough is enough and you have to stand up for yourself. But I think it’s best your children learn when that time is on their own.
i do not believe in violence at all. for any reason. just because you don’t fight doesn’t make you less of a man or a woman, or less human at all. Jesus did not advocate fighting, not even in defense of his own life, and the only time we read of him resorting to violence was the cleansing of the temple. that was in defense of the purity of worship, the worship of his parent-God.
it is more important to be sure that your kids are not losing any personal dignity by not fighting. if they still have a strong sense of selfhood, and just don’t want to engage in violence, that is good. if they feel bullied or cowed, then that might need to be addressed.
if you DO decide to teach them to fight, i highly recommend a martial arts program that would also involve the spiritual aspect, so that they learn about self-control, self-mastery, and inner peace, not just how to punch and kick.
we plan on teaching my son to stand up for himself, but not go looking for trouble.
I think that whether or not you bring up your child peacably, there is a natural human tendency/instinct to defend him/herself, but it’s good to teach them to refrain from using physical force needlessly.
I think they should be taught self defense, because there’s a big chance that someday, somewhere, someone’s going to hit your child first, and have them in a position where they can’t get away to avoid a fight.
Young men, in all their testoserone glory, will always test to be the dominate male. This includes fighting, brawling, wresting, etc. Teach the young lad to defend himself (which DOES mean aggressive strikes) only after he has resolved all other outlets. We cannot live in a world and ‘avoid’ all the bad guys. Sometimes, the heathens ned an attitude adjustment.
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I suppose it depends. If they are getting beaten up and not defending themselves, then yes. Other than that, all kids get picked on from time to time. It’s part of growing up. I’m sure that they will learn that they can stand up for themselves without resorting to violence. If all else fails, I’d use my mothers advice. “If you HAVE TO defend yourself, always go for the trachea. It hurts like hell, and is very effective.”
I suppose it depends. If they are getting beaten up and not defending themselves, then yes. Other than that, all kids get picked on from time to time. It’s part of growing up. I’m sure that they will learn that they can stand up for themselves without resorting to violence. If all else fails, I’d use my mothers advice. “If you HAVE TO defend yourself, always go for the trachea. It hurts like hell, and is very effective.”
Absolutely!, not just one’s sons but daughters too. This work preys on being able to dominant others. I would want my kids to be both emotionally and pyhiscally able to stand up for them selves. As long as they know when to defend and when not to.
Which should be part of that teaching. How to avoid a fight and how to defend
oops work = world preys
In an ideal world where there is no sin, you would be able to convey such values, and you should communicate that getting into a fight is a last resort. However, you are raising young men who by the very make up of their DNA have been deisgned to rough house, play with guns, hike mountains, and learn how to be victors, conquerers, and warriors. and defenders of what is right and what is just. Think about the young men and women we have overseas who are fighting for our freedom. There is nothing wrong with being in fight, or a battle, as long as you don’t start it. However, if something occurs that is unjust or not right, a stand needs to be taken b means of self defense and not allowing bullies to take advantage of getting away with what they can get away with. You don’t have to teach them how to fight, you need to convey the message that defending yourself is okay. Kids don’t need to learn how to fight, it will come about naturally in the midst of a battle. We live in a world today where we have told boys not to fight and allow their natural aggresiveness to be exhibited in the environments they inhabit. The result is we have young men who have passified and sissified in not knowing how to be a man. Not that you are doing this. I think it is okay for a kid to defend himself against a bully because in reality the bully is a cream puff himself if he is going around starting fights
there is something liberating about fighting…so it should be avoided. It’s addictive. I was in an underground boxing club in college. I never got to fight as much as I wanted to.
of course it’s just stupid to go around starting crap, but fighting isn’t bad, esp. when you’re defending yourself. there’s a big difference in knowing HOW to fight & knowing WHEN to fight/not fight.
well, not necessarily fight, just take a stand for what they know is right! (sorry, Dr. Seuss moment there.)
As long as the child comes away with the knowledge that fighting is a last resort. Self-defense and defending someone else are good things; fighting because someone said, “Yo mama!” is not.
A better man than all of us has already answered the question when he turned the other cheek.
Mt 5:38 ΒΆ Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Fighting is appropriate sometimes. For something such as a basketball, it doesnt seem very worth it. Maybe if someone was hitting them, or hurting them, it’d be appropriate for your sons to know HIT THAT SUCKER BACK!
I think you should teach them to defend and stand up for themselves, but make sure they know the difference between self-defense and pointless fights.
[ariana]
Men were created to provide and protect. Boys should know how to fight. WWJD? He would use wisdom, and where fighting is necessary for the greater good, even Jesus would fight. Do you expect your wife and daughters to feel secure if you are insecure in protecting them? Let boys be boys.
Men were created to provide and protect. Boys should know how to fight. WWJD? He would use wisdom, and where fighting is necessary for the greater good, even Jesus would fight. Do you expect your wife and daughters to feel secure if you are insecure in protecting them? Let boys be boys.
PS Men over 30 playing basketball is the meanest sport in the world. Teach your son to play basketball – teach him to fight.
It’s all a matter of choosing your battles. Obviously if you stand up for nothing you’ll never get any respect. But you won’t get any respect if you fight over every little thing either. You just have to decide what matters to you, and what’s worth fighting for.
don’t fight, but if someone starts pushing ur kids around, there is no need to be run over so let those punks have it
There’s a difference between self defense and starting a fight, big difference. Violence shouldn’t be a solution, but it can be, and not all acts of aggression should be shunned. I’d rather teach my future kids to defend themselves and risk them becoming too violent than lead them to a life of being picked on and abused.
Well i dunno.. my mom didn’t teach me none of that crap but sometimes i walk away from fights and others i just dont.. if you provoke me then you provoke me.. you’ll get your arse kicked. Ha
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yo playa
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Kids should learn to stand up for themselves in a dignified way.
I learned that eventually other kids will leave kids who don’t fight alone, because it only makes them look stupid to be tempting a fight and realizing they can’t accomplish it….Yeah
Definitely yes, After so many people know u can fight they’ll stop messing with u and you’ll also gain more respect.
Its kindof a trick question. No, fighting is not “good.” Self respect is good. Bullies are bad. Standing up for your self can be good.
Knowing right from wrong. Knowing when to fight, and why.
In my Tae Kwon Do class we learn that we should only fight for self defense purposes only. I respect that and I avoid fights because they are useless. Fights lead us nowhere and often leave us hurt. But, they can also help us become stronger and learn new strategies. I think that your children should learn a martial art and learn the basics until they grow stronger both physically and mentally. Tae Kwon Do is my life and it had guided me all the way.
Teach your kids to not go into a pointless fight, but to stand up for themselves and not to be pushed around, show them the point where it is nessisary and the point where it is becoming the bully, show them where to draw the line or pointless violence and self defense
Derek
you fuckicg suck
id say teach em to fight, but not punching and kicking kind of fighting, more of an evasive counterattack style of fighting. enforce the fact that its only if the other person starts it and only if they are in a dangerous situation. my dad taught me like that and i rarely get into fights, and for the one time i did, it was justified (on my part) and dealt with in a nonviolent manner.
Yes, and when the fighting is over, there is peace. When there are negotiations for a disagreement over a moral principle, then, the antagoinstic feelings can come out in the open, with restraint. Also, alevel head can lead an argument, to the point of getting mattersdiscussed fully on all sides. A debate over money, or ”who gets to use the car or not”, in a family home situation, can be a nec in a book entitled, “The History Of God”essary time for communication. It is not the time for power trips by the ones who can thwart the word, “No”, for no apparent reason, than to discourage, disappoint, deprecate character, and show ridicule. That is abuse, and on a large scale would be tyranny and oppression. The Antichrist, whom all the Christians of the world may be looking for, is a little old lady, who plays the organ in her church, who is a wolf in granny’s clothing, for sure! Carnally-sinful by second nature, she has her satisfaction and contentment in the wrong places amongst her brain’s endorfins. What she views as important, she may be studying in a book entitled, “The History of God” which she has reread and is memorizing, I think, so that she may be able to cross-examine ”The Judge” on the “Judgement Day”, and show her knowlege of how he is wrong and she, a communist from World War II, the woman that was behind Adolf Hitler, is right. Wrong!
nope.
you should teach your children how to think and how to know how to handle situations.
sometimes it’s good to argue, or be silent. to fight, or leave.
that’s what parents are supposed to do.
they’re not any good at it anymore.