November 26, 2006
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Birthday Post Part 3
It is my birthday today. I am 35.
Here we go:
I thought it was interesting to read a comment that was posted under my entry about strip clubs last night.
The comment was from Viccieanne. Here is a part of her comment:
“I am in the minority…I see nothing wrong with him going to a strip club…a lot of people seem to be equating seeing a stripper as sleeping with her too…that isn’t true
Plus, I am still under the philosophy that there is no way that you are only ever going to be attracted to just your partner….and there is nothing wrong with a man looking,,,,as long as he is just looking…”
Is it realistic to think you are only going to be attracted to your partner?
Comments (188)
first!!!
hahahahahaha!!!
I don’t think so. I mean you should be attracted to your partner the most, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to anyone else. It’s just sort of human nature. I say there’s no problem if you look as long as you don’t touch.
Happy Birthday!
and second!
you don’t deliberately go look.
Happy 35th Birthday!!!!!! What are you doing to celebrate?
(however I do think you can emotional cheat on someone without ever laying a hand on anyone else. Obviously there’s more to a relationship than just sex, and when someone starts getting everything they would if they were in a relationship with that person, there’s still a serious problem there, and I think that’s still cheating, although not in your basic way)
Nope. =/
no
no, but you should be attracted to your partner the most and be committed to them. but just being attracted to them and them only is not going to happen.
and happy birthday! any exciting birthday plans?
haha, no
That’s how it should be but unfortunately, it’s not.
happy birthday
i’ve been with someone for a year plus, but i’m still attracted to another guy.
as long as i don’t act on it, then it’ll be fine.
and, happy birthday
not at all…yet it is realistic to be faithful to your partner
Happy B-day!
I think lots of guys are cute or handsome. But none can compare to my boyfriend.
Pshno.
Even old Jimmy Carter in a Playboy magazine interview when he ran for President said he had lust in his heart for other women. So there ya go.
happy birthday!! *konfety falls from celing and fire works go off* little dramatic?
Ok well this is how i see it, A stripper needs to get a real job to help the economy and if they thaink there to good for that they might as well be homeless.
i almost forgot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hands you a gient (input your favorit sweet here) with candles on it*
Xx-Nicole-xX
No way, of course your going to be attracted to to other people, it’s when you act on it that it is bad. RYC: looking forward to hearing it on here.
no, it’s natural to be attracted to other people
No. Someone is lying or phsycopathic-obsessive.
Of course you are not only ever just going to be attracted to your partner. However, that does not give anyone license to commit adultery in their heart (which is what looking at pornography, going to a strip club, or having an emotional affair with an opposite sex friend would be). You go to a strip club to basically lust after unclothed women – that is cheating – just because you haven’t laid a finger on them doesn’t mean that you are not guilty of seeking out an opportunity to do cheat in your mind. As far as I’m concerned, it’s still cheating.
Of course not.
no. it’s realistic that your partner is the only one you ever love, because love is more of a decision than any other cliche it has ever been called. but that natural attraction you feel the moment you see certain individuals is not going to be held back by sheer will power.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
have fun
No not at all.
no. psh. you can’t think ur wife is the only hot person in the world. c’mon, there are those hot celebrities!
happee birfday
everybody’s birthday is coming up.
ya it is..i have a gf now and it doesnt sem to do anything if i look at other women. i think well they are nice but the person i am with is so much hotter
No.
Hell no. No matter if you’re married or not, when you see a hot guy or woman, your gonna think, “Hey. That’s a hot guy/woman.” We’re human beings.
As long as you don’t do anything about it, you’re fine.
Happy Birthday!
No. Thats true in any sort of relationship. But Thats what marriage is for, i think. Partially, marriage is a sense of securtiy knowing that you can trust your partner and yourself, that they will be the only one you truly love. All the other people are just “eye candy.” You watch, and in a mere matter of minutes, they’re gone.
sure you won’t be attracted to just your partner. But I find that I’m not attracted very often to other men. Other women… well thats a whole nother case.
Nope. It’s human nature.
-jacob
hmmm
Happy Birthday
No but its a lot easier to stay attracted tot he same person if you make a choice to. After a while it becomes easier especially if you start each day saying “How can I love this person better today”.
Definitely not! That’s ridiculous, because women often have crushes on people other than their partner. *raises eyebrow*
`~HAPPY BIRTHDAY~`
no. And happy birthday as well…
No, it isn’t realistic. Unless they’re the only person you have seen and the only person you will ever see, I suppose. I don’t think there’s even really anything wrong with lusting after another person, so long as you have enough respect for your partner not to act on it. I would be fine with Sam going to strip clubs every day of his life, if he wanted to — I trust him, and I know he’d never act on it. And besides, it can’t be cheating if you go together!
I would go to strip clubs to enjoy the music and watch people dance, much like a seedy ballet.
No. Things like attraction are determined by our nature, which is given to us, not by our invented concepts of etiquette and contract. How we respond to that attraction is another matter though.
happy day after your birthday!
sorry i’m a bit late…
Oh, I forgot! Happy Birthday, Theologian Man.
It’s my birthday tomorrow!
I’m 21!
Again!
No. Like as long as you don’t act on it like someone else said.
Happy birthday! It’s my mum’s birthday too.
I think it is realistic, yes. My parents have only been attracted to each other for 21 years. They say that it’s hard, but worth it. You have to put a lot of time into your relationship and each other.
HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Noooo! You’re supposed to old, with a bald head, and a pipe…
I just do not get the whole “…license to commit adultery in their heart (which is what looking at pornography, going to a strip club, or having an emotional affair with an opposite sex friend would be).” thing. I’ve been to several bacheolor parties with strippers as the main attraction so to speak and yes they got nude and danced and some even did other “tricks” without touching anyone – except for their coworker – and some tricks that did involve touching single men there… but that’s besides the point. I’ve been to strip clubs, seen porn in print, in film, and online and guess what? I’m still happily married to the same woman.
Sure there are other women I find attractive and if I was a single man I’d likely act on it. There’s so much more to be concerned about that if a guy finds a woman other than his wedded spouse to be attractive. It’s NOT cheating in his heart or mind, it’s only if he’s weak enough to act on it and commits adultery (i.e. actually sleeping with the woman, touching her in private areas or in intimate ways outside the bounds of friendship) that is cheating.
There is such a thing as personal honor and commitment to one single person. And there is no woamn here who can tell me they don’t find other men (like say actors, sports figures, etc.) attractive. To me it’s the flip side of the same coin – sure women think Brad Pitt is hot but if they ever met him if they had any sense of honor and commitment to their spouse or signifigant other they would not act on it.
My point is this: looking at strippers is not cheating and should be no big deal. Especially in a strip club where there are rules about contact between the stripper and the customer – and laws to back the rules up. Things are a bit looser when it’s a different setting such as a bachelor party given at a house but even then there is a bouncer there to enforce the rules which are pretty close to the rules at a strip club.
The whole “looking at strippers is cheating” attitude is pretty counterproductive and tells the man straight off the bat that you don’t trust him to honor the wedding vows he took and that right there creates an instant problem in the marriage because trust is one of the cornerstones of a marriage and without that trust, it will eventually cave in and crumble. The lack of trust right at the get go will eventually create resentment which might then motivate him to go see strippers without saying anything, hiding this from you, creating more stress on the marriage from his point of view which could snowball into even worse actions while you sit there unknowingly driving him to it because of that attitude. Think I’m wrong? It depends on the man in question really… but my wife trusts me to do the right thing by her and so far I haven’t disappointed her despite the temptations of gyrating naked female flesh in person a foot in front of me.
Oh, and Happy Birthday Dan with many happy returns of the day…
Happy Birthday again.
No. It’s unnatural to think otherwise. Being attracted to someone has nothing to do with respecting and loving someone.
Hear hear, athynz!
no. i think theres an obvious huge difference between attraction and lust. there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else, that is only natural. but, i think to let yourself sit and lust over someone else, is wrong.
You should go to a strip club to celebrate your birthday.
Matthew 5
I’ve heard it called strip club, nudie bar, booger bar and some names I’d rather not write. Is it a regional issue as to what you call this sort of establishment?
sol sol la sol do ti
sol sol la sol re do
sol sol sol mi do ti la
fa fa mi do re do
Happy birthday, Mr. Cafe.
Uhm, sort of.
You’re just naturally going to be physically attracted to other people besides your spouse… BUT, that’s all it is, “attraction”.
First off……….Let me say Happy Birthday!!!!!!………….I hope your day is filled with blessings and love………..
Second…………….I don’t agree with the “allowing” of a married man to go to the strip club…..or any man for that matter……….but that is a long drawn out discussion that I won’t get into on here………I do not however think that you will only be attracted to your partner………I was truly madly deeply in love with my X……..extremely attracted to him………and during our marriage I still saw other men who I thought were attractive…….I was married not dead…….LOL……however did I ever “want” them or lust after them…….no…..I did think they were attractive………I appreciated their looks……and even admired them……….they just weren’t going to turn me away from my husband……It is sorta like the way you can see a beautiful woman…….admire her looks…….but not be a lesbian………don’t know if that makes sense to ya…..but that is the way I see it………
Once again………..happy birthday………hugs, TA
Happy Birthday.
No. Some people swear they never find anyone else attractive once they meet The One. These people must be very rare. I’ve had a few minor crushes while I’ve been married. I see guys I find attractive. I know my husband sees attractive girls. As long as neither one of us pursues anything with any of these other people, there are no problems.
No, and Happy Birthday Dan–what are you doing to celebrate?! Got cake?
naaw…
No. But seeing someone walking down the street that you think is attractive is different than going to a strip club and seeing one.
The key statement there is “as long as he is just looking”. It will evolve into more than that after time if you let it. You need to, essentially, nip it in the bud, before it begins. Why in the world would a committed man who supposedly loves his wife want to look at other naked women anyway? If that is his idea of fun and relaxation, I’d be having second thoughts about him.
Happy Birthday on Christ the King!!!!
35. Ah, to be so young again. I’m 51. I love your site. I haven’t visited since it was more traditional in look. The spilled coffee cup is the best. Have a great day.
As to visiting a strip club–a) the women are disconnected from the patrons. They usually have stage names. They cannot possibly be real, but feed into the natural human desire of the male. Men are visually stimulated more so than women. In spite of the Chippendales, most strippers still are overwhelmingly female, with males the overwhelming patrons. Women who are paraded around for a fee become mere sexual objects. If a strip club becomes a regular venue for a man, his view of women and sexuality become distorted. If it is so healthy to visit a strip club, why do strip clubs operate mainly at night, away from the main center of the towns, and why is there so much drinking/drug use/prostitution and just plain nuisance behaviors surrounding them? Why not visit a museum and view the classic nude sculptures and paintings to appreciate female sexuality? It is truly disingenuous to say that a strip club merely provides a way for a man to “only look” at a woman. Right.
No.
Psh, no.
But then again, I think I am a lot different than about 90% of the people here…If a couple allows themselves, I don’t see what’s wrong with them doing anything sexually with other people.
The first couple I ever heard doing that was in my freshman year of high school. There was this 15 year old girl who had a boyfriend that allowed her to do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted, as long as they knew she was taken and it wasn’t anything serious. It really surprised me at first, and I used to think of her as a slut, but I eventually warmed up to the idea, and realized it wasn’t all that bad. Biologically, it makes sense.
Oooh, let me delve into the same old rehashed stories of the wreckage of the past year…
Nahh, lets me not.
I used to think you could cheat in your mind.
I was wrong about that, everyone looks, and if you want a reason to be pissed in a relationship you will be.
That is the bottom line. Ease up! To me, not you.
Just not too much.
ummmm, I forgot b) what is the difference between being attraction and concupiscence?
“If it is so healthy to visit a strip club, why do strip clubs operate mainly at night, away from the main center of the towns, and why is there so much drinking/drug use/prostitution and just plain nuisance behaviors surrounding them?”
Posted by sheila0405
Because it is the sexual nature that is the gateway, and they have to hide it from their intolerant and non-understanding wives, obviously. When they realize they cannot simply look at these beguiling women without being berated, they say “fuck it” and move on to worse behaviors, thereby cutting off the nose to spite the face.
Nope. There’s a difference between being attracted to someone and lusting after them, or acting on that attraction/lust. And i’m not even gonna comment on the stripper thing, everyone’s pretty much beating a dead horse by now.
Happy Birthday…..no ~ on the one partner thing………I think strip clubs are fantastic…..I would rather my husbend go there then go out to a bar to see girls….because there are rules there…..also the womens body is beautiful and alot like art…
Firstly –happy birthday! Secondly, no! Being attracted to someone, and loving someone (as you would your partner) are two different emotions.
No its not.
But then paying money so someone you fined extremely attractive can get naked and dance in your lap. Well try that line of crap on a dumber girl than I am. A lot dumber girl
Nice layout! =D
Happy Birthday to you, Dan! Are you going to a strip club? *lol*
I do not think it’s realistic and i’ve been married for ages. I have been attracted to tons of people. It’s one thing to be attracted, another to act upon. My husband is the same way.
The world is full of attractive people..body, beauty, and mind.
Have a wonderful 35th!
no but u should be commited to your partner…happy b-day by the way…mine birthday’s tomorow
ryc: You are so welcome, Dan!!
Happy Birthday.
Realistic?
It would be if we were nudists. But when we cover up stuff like the bosom–which exist in women for the sake of the baby having milk to drink and make it a “sexual” thing, everything becomes warped.
There was a time women’s ankles were sexually stimulating forbidden erotica, lol.
I see no reason why you shouldn’t be attracted to just your partner. But we cover up ourselves to such an extent that curiousity is always aroused. . .to the point of having strippers!
Happy Birthday, Sir!!!
35 is a good year. Have fun this evening!
most of the definitions of love (assuming we are talking about loving a partner) that I see here are not very down to earth. I don’t think that it is realistic to be attracted to only a single person, but I think that being with someone means that you also work to be with them; there are more than mere emotions involved, and emotions are so fickle. you have to strive every day in your relationship.
happy birthday, by the way. =]
also, another thought on my above comment: I suppose the work that goes into the relationship makes love a very conscious choice, rather than something based simply off emotion and passion.
Yes.
Just because you’re on a diet, doesn’t mean you can’t read the menu.
not rly
happy birthday! :]
We are only human, but as long as your hands and feelings stay on your partner I see almost no problem to thinking that someone else is a atractive
Happy Birthday!!!
Physically, no, but there is so much more to it. While a super model might catch your eye, the passion isn’t there. It wouldn’t compare.
No. But it is not entirely different from having a pet: it may not be the most attractive of sorts, but the partner has his/her charms and have emotional bonds. Having a partner is more than simply being attracted to him/her.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!! I second squeakysoul ‘s comment !!!!!!!
Happy Birthday! My birthday is Dec.26! We are 20 years & 1 month apart age wise! Thats very cool!
no. unless you’re lying.
No, but getting out of your way to get attracted to someone else can only make you unhappy.
Some of you should read the book Every Man’s Battle. It addresses this very issue.
looking seems like the gateway to worse things though.
Fight Mental Illness Stigma
Happy Birthday, and no it isn’t.
p.s., happy birthday, dan.
Fight Mental Illness Stigma
well, no.
But I disagree with the looking doesn’t mean anything. Looking, especially at a strip club, is all about lust. And lust is desire for someone else. Isn’t encouraging that, by deliberately going to a strip-club, cheating in one sense? Certainly, I hope that I will never do it.
Happy birthday.
I think there are times when other ppl will catch your eye, but it’s possible to only love your spouse.
The Bible says if you look at someone with lust you’ve already committed adultery with them in your heart.
I mean, we’re human, but we can look at someone without lusting after them. Then again, I’m a girl, so maybe it’s different . . .
I’m only attracted to one woman…until I see another, and then my heart belongs to her…until another woman comes along…..rinse and repeat if necessary.
no
why is jesus in the corner?
No.
I’ve been with my husband for the last 15 years…and granted, I have been attracted to other men, I am still very attracted to my husband. I don’t act on being attracted to other men, I just appreciate how they look or whatever. I mean, I am attracted to Johnny Depp – doesn’t mean we get to do anything.
heh. Attraction is one thing – cheating is entirely a whole other ballgame.
hello, we’re all human–it’s impossible to only be attracted to one person for all time…it’s inevitable; this world is just filled w/too many damn gorgeous ppl, eh?
but more importantly is how you act in these situations, and put yourself in situations where you’re just tempting yourself, playing w/fire…going to strip clubs when you’re in a relationship is stupid, in my opinion–why set yourself up to get all pent up w/the sexual energy when you’re supposed to be faithful to your partner?!? yes, ppl that you’ll be attracted to are out there, all over the place. but don’t go seeking them out and ogling them–it’s demeaning to your partner and tempting to you personally.
btw, sry i didn’t come up w/a picture or anything more for your bday–the most i can offer you is this:
Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
Zhu ni sheng ri sheng ri kuai le
Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
*aka, bday song in mandarian chinese pinyin!*
have a great one, man!
…anytime that I am in a relationship, and in love, I cannot imagine possibly being with anyone else. While I may find other males attractive in the remote sense that I ever find females attractive (meaning- nice to look at), there is absolutely no sexual attraction. Period. I am monogamous in the utmost sense of the word.
However, that’s not necessarily true for all people. Even if you are attracted to other people, your partner should be the most attractive to you, and you should never willingly seek out other people to whom one would be sexually attracted. Why would a man want to see strangers strip for him, when he could be watching his wife strip for him instead? While it’s not physically cheating, if he’s thinking about having sex with those women, and wants to have sex with those women, it is intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually cheating.
I hold my men to the challenge that if I am not a goddess in their eyes, and the only woman worth looking at, then I’ll find someone who thinks of me as I think of him- the best, sexiest, man in the world… if you think anything else, then why would you be in the relationship?
Yes. You may find others to be attractive but be attracted to them as you are your mate, probably not.
There are men I find to be handsome but desire them? Nope.
Ehh, it’s hard to say I guess. When I was with my first love, I loved her and her only and I didn’t find other people attractive. I am still kind of the same way, if I don’t know someones personality they simply don’t have affect on me.
It’s hard for me to explain but it’s almost like I have layers, I can recognize a certain woman as pretty but I’m not neccesairly attracted to her.
BUT, for most people I’d say it would be silly to think theyw ont’ be attracted to other people.
At the same time going to a strip club or watching porn is kind of subjecting yourself to it. Then again there are couples who watch porn together.
i let my boyfriend go to a strip club for his 18th birthday, he went with his friend. i was jealous, but he told me that he didn’t really understand the point because.. as he put it.. it was one of those “you can look but not touch” things and he would rather have spent the night with me. but i let him have his fun, i found it pretty funny how much he had to pay to get in and sit down though!!
Of course not. It’s normal to be attracted to many different people for many different reasons.
It is unrealistic to think that you won’t find others than your spouse attractive, or be attracted to them. Its what you do afer the first impulse that matters.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!
Well your partner is the only one you’d love… but you could be attracted to others.
I just think it’s gross that the night before he’s married, he’s off looking at some random woman’s boobs etc. Nice.
happy birthday! and no, i don’t think it’s realistic, but there’s a big difference between attraction and lust, i think, that people are confusing. i’m definitely a hot-blooded guy, and when i’m married i don’t think my hormones will suddenly go unidirectional, but there’s a huge difference between noticing that a girl is beautiful and all-out oggling her. the difference is a respect and love for the one you’re with. i could be wrong, though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the real world, we will be attracted to a lot of different people. It is different to be attracted to someone and acting on it.
Happy birthday
It’s not realistic to expect anyone to only be attracted to his or her spouse. But That doesn’t mean it’s okay. Marriage is a commitment to your spouse and only your spouse. Remember those vow things you’ve heard of on TV and possibly at your own wedding? “Forsaking ALL OTHERS in sickness and in health…etc.” Yeah. Those.
Even if your not married and are only dating someone, you probably shouldn’t go into a strip club. I know my boyfriend would be a goner if I found out he was oggleing other women since he had met me. :)
no it’s not! well i’d like to xplain wht i mean instead of just saying no but im in a rush but HAPPY BDAY !!!!
XOXO,
cG.
it’s my birthday too! happy birthday
Happy Birthday and
you should focus only on your partner instead of passing pardon on every stray glance as human nature. if dating were easy and commitment something anyone could nail I would not be very single. The bible says (so I suppose this applies to only those who believe it) that looking after a woman with lust on your mind is the same thing as committing adultery. Therefore looking in some girls minds is the same thing as sleeping. I would want a guy to make me feel like I was his woman not one of his women. Kind of takes away from that “lovin feeling”
Although, on that note I do believe it is possible to find someone attractive without being attracted to them. (many people don’t believe me) And it is possible to look at an attractive person without wanting to have their children (again something most chicks today can’t handle) We rag on guys for being physical and sexual all the time and in the mean have not realized that women are catching up very quickly.
-end rant-
No. I’m attracted to other guys (and sometimes girls), even when I have a boyfriend. It doesn’t mean I love him less, it just means I’m human. I would never act on the attraction to other people, but they are still there. Nothing wrong with thinking another person is good looking.
Happy Birthday to the Man!
Sure it is realistic….providing you do not mind disappointment.
It all has to do with terminology. You used the word “attracted.” Usually, a person should be “attracted” to their partner in multiple fashions. For example: physical attraction and mental attraction. Most divorces are a result of just a physical attraction instead of both a physical and mental attraction. So when a guy is attracted to a girl (or the other way around) and he is happily married and there seems to be no reason for a divorce, it is usually just a physical attraction. So I guess my answer is that yes, it’s normal to be attracted to someone other than your partner for life, but it is usually a different kind of attraction. Besides, humans are animals after all and animals have the need to get their genes into the gene pool as quickly as possible, so it’s perfectly normal for a human to be attracted to someone they are not married to because of the need to get their genes into the gene pool.
Happy Birthday. Visit my site.
No, but it’s realistic to strive towards that goal.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
probably not, but he/she should always be number one to you. I guess it’s less of a shallow attraction?
no, but it isnt just “looking” thats just an excuse…….
Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Yeah I know the software I have is in NKJ version…… but it is still there…… “just looking” is a stupid excuse we men have made up for sexual immorality
btw happy birthday……
Of course. The important thing is controlling your emotions and not letting them control you. Such as making you do something you regret.
No.
Love is a choice, a conscious decision, requiring a lot of work and commitment, not just hearts and flowers feelings. It involves not only being attracted to the way someone looks, but maybe moreso to the way they are, and who they are. Seeing someone who appeals to you is inevitable. But not only is it a bad thing to pursue another individual other than your spouse, but it is also flirting with disaster just thinking about it. Rolling things around in your head is a choice as well. The more you think about it, the more you’re likely to act on it. If you want a relationship to survive, you have to keep your eyes, your mind, and your heart solely on your spouse.
Happy Birthday Old Man…………..Strippers are Single Moms, and I go support the single moms because of their kids, I do it for the Kids!
I meant of course not.
I didn’t realize I could choose the way I feel! That’s great! I can finally get out of this depression!
Only if that’s the only person you will ever see. Nothing wrong with being attracted to other people…as long as you don’t act on that attraction.
Happy birthday young man!
That being said, you’d better make darn sure you get the right person the first time. Believe me, they’ll be a part of your life forever, especially after having kids.
So its safe to say people are attracted to people other than their partner, but it has to be put out of your mind as soon as it gets there. Don’t think about it, don’t act on it.
Is it realistic to be only attracted to your partner? No, I don’t think in most cases it is, because realistically, most couples aren’t really in love
As for Viccieanna’s comment, “looking” like that is lustful, and therefore IS the same as sleeping with the stripper, or any other person for that matter
i only think i’m attractive
possibly..
And if a man has already lusted toward a woman in his mind it’s just as bad as if he had slept with her.
no, it doesn’t. Commitment is a realization that you are going to be attracted to others, but you chose you wife/husband because s/he is the one for you.
There is a big difference between attraction and love. I think you can find someone else attractive. But that doesnt mean that you should look at porn and strip clubs to get horney. That is a whole other issue then being attracted to someone.
Apparently not many are for me on this one. But I would say it’s very realistic. I’m in love with one man and I only find him attractive. I don’t look anymore simply because I found ‘the one’ and I only long for him.
So speaking from experience I think it’s very realistic!
no
No. There’s no way that you’re not going to look at another person again and be like, “Damn, he/she’s hot.” You know? You can’t just be attracted to one person, even if it’s your partner.
-KrIsTiN-
No, it’s not realistic that you will only be attracted to your partner. I believe you will love your partner (hopefully) but you will still find other people attractive. I think people who think that is unrealistic and those who demand that is crazy!
We are only human. We will be attracted to many people in our lifetime. But attraction does not equal sex. My J and I talk about this from time to time. He knows I am a huge flirt and is ok with it (he is a flirt too btw). In his words “I know who I am going home with at the end of the evening.”
happy birthday.
no, it’s completely unrealistic. however, there is a difference between a coup de feu, and going out looking… i can understand my husband finding someone at work attractive or desireable, but were he to go to some place designed specifically for the purpose of inciting attraction and lust, i would not be so understanding.
likewise, i have been hit over the head by intense desire for someone without ever considering it anything other than a momentary loss of concentration. the key would be that it were momentary, and fleeting… (we are talking here about attraction, not relationship, which is a whole different thing)
1. Happy Birthday
2. anyone who thinks that way also thinks that marriage is a happily ever after…with no work…
take off the rose colored glasses..that is my advice to anyone thinking that way…
it is work….worth it…but work nonetheless
boy was wondering why I got so many hits to my site from here today LOL
Ah, some people are just not realistic if you ask me…(and I am sorry, but people who bible quote…to me that is their OPINION. I am a religious person, but everyone interprets the bible differently and not all religions live their life according to the bible)
The way one person defines lust, does not define it for someone else (hence why I got into this on my site last week)….
I still think there is nothing wrong with thinking about it. Don’t care if I am in the miniority on that one….to me it is human nature and it IS human nature to fantasize. My relationship is a happy, healthy one and I would never even consider touching another man…my heart and soul belongs to the man I am with, but you can be damn straight there will still be a puddle on ym chair for Jeff Hardy
LOL
No, we weren’t made that way.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I definitely enjoy checking out other guys, especially at school
I don’t feel guilty because my boyfriend does it, too. So no, it it not.
happy birthday!
You don’t act on it though. I believe I can remain caring and LOVING one person for my whole life.
And…happy birthday, Dan!
i think i’ll only be attracted to my partner…i can’t imagine being attracted to anyone else.
Kelly
There is so much that plays into a relationship. Of course, physical attraction is an initial element to building a relationship, but so many more emotional and relational aspects unite between a couple. I’m generally okay with the “look don’t touch” theory. My issues with strip clubs lie mainly in the objectification of women– how does going to a strip club affect a man who does not go home to a relationship with a real woman? What sort of unrealistic fantasies get built up in those circumstances?
Happy birthday!!!
Dave. You say you are interested in theology but show now knowledge of the subject. What’s up. Who’s theology? Anyone with the slightest knowledge of theology would be familiar with the answer to this question.
Not in the least.
no, its not realistic to think that your only going to be attracted to your partner because God created us to be relational beings. but it is a realistic guarantee that the devil will use what ever he can to destroy your marriage by lust. so all those so called innocent trips to the strip club will do damage internally regardless if they are acted upon externally. happy bday, by the way.
its possible but not realistic
Ditto what squeakysoul says.
Happy birthday!
Yes, because if its true it would make things alot easier.
It’s not natural to be attracted to just one person or to just love one person for your entire life. But, I work at it!
Happy Birthday, old man!
Being attracted to that one person, your partner, is something that is going to be built up for days and days and days, and then years of your life. Shouldn’t such a special bond and attraction be reinforced by not indulging in any lesser attractions you might experience along the way? There’s nothing wrong with the initial, surface attraction, but it should be recognized for what it is. Attraction should be encouraged toward your partner and ignored toward anyone else.
This is what I do. Maybe it’s not realistic for everyone. But it isn’t to hard for me… OR my partner. It’s seems logical to us.
**too and **It seems
I need to type slower.
no.
No one’s just going to be attracted to one person their whole life. They’ll always be attracted to someone else as well.
NO
You are still going to find other people attractive and not necessarily because they are beautiful or handsome. You might find them attractive because they make you laugh, or they like a certain hobby that you enjoy. Your mate/spouse/partner can’t fill everything in your life. The best scenario for it all is to avoid that area or person if you have a problem with it/them, or keep it very basic as far as interest goes.
Of course you’ll still be attracted to other people, but that doesn’t excuse ogling strippers or constantly fantasizing about other people, because that’s just disrespectful to your partner.
hmm i dont think is possible to attracted to just one person … i mean realistically serveral different pple can meet your emotional and physical needs but when and if u get married you pick the one that you belive you are best suited with.
so im sure you can harbour physical or emotional feelings with someone else .. that would have to be the norm.
<3
I think it’s realistic that your partner may look at other people & feel attracted to them physically. They have a duty in love that is acknowledging that you are their one & only, however, & outside attractions should never exceed staring & gentle commenting.
> I’ve run into a few folks over their lives who claim to never have,and they were still very happily married after 50yrs and only stayed in each others company unless otherwise need to be elsewhere, so…..
Peace
It doesn’t hurt to go window shopping… just don’t finger the goods.
It is unrealistic to think that one will ONLY be attracted to their partner therefore it is wise not to put onself in situations that can lead to other things such as like infidelity; IF one has made a vow to a partner to keep themselves only to them. Frequently strip clubs impacts in many different ways.
No. But it is realistic to attempt to keep your eyes to yourself and not indulge in lust for the sake and respect of your relationship/marriage.
it’s never realistic for a man to be only attracted to his partner. i would have wanted it that way.
I guess I AM in the minority… YES.
My mother always said, “You can’t deny god’s handiwork.”
Crushes, attraction comes and goes and platonic-edging-on-something love is something that everyone should experience with their partner or not.
It’s unrealistic to only be attracted to your partner…but when you are sure you’d be happier with someone else then it is time to let them go or it is not fair.
Yes, your spouse should be the only person you are ever truly attracted to for an intimate relationship.
But what does the word “attract” really mean? I mean, here I assume we’re talking about long-term relationship and physical, emotional, mental attraction. But there’s also the type of people you are “attracted to” in your circle of friends. I mean, there must be something you like about your friends, y’know? I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you’re talking about attraction in a “I want you as more than a friend” kind of a way, it should and can be only for your spouse. I believe that. I’m doing that!
~Victoria
no, I definately disagree. And I think he’s right, as long as you look at someone and do nothing else to that person, you’re fine. There are a lot of attractive people in the world, it’s hard to just pick out one person for physical beauty. It’s natural fr people to be attracted to others, however it’s realistic to say you LOVE just one person, that’s a way atronger bond than an attraction/lusting.
wow i agree with the comment.
Of course not. I don’t know anyone who believes that.
She’s right. And she probably has a stronger relationship for it. Being honest with yourself is only one half though.
Not that seeing strippers is worng in and of itself, but the thing becomes a problem when it is an obsession. A man from my father’s company was so obsessed he drove his company vehicle to the strip club for lunch. Needless to say, he was spotted and a customer called in on him. When you just can’t wait till you get off work to go….that might be a bit unhealthy.
nope
No. And to think, I get crap for liking more than one girl at a time…
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