March 15, 2007

  • Aggressive Women

    I was reading the Men’s Health section of yahoo.com.  David Zinczenko was talking about relationships and how women at times can be too aggressive.  He mentioned how women were becoming more independent and liberated and that was causing some problems in relationships. 

    He was pointing out the good and bad of women and aggressiveness.  The title of the link to the article was “Is aggressive sexy?”  Here is the link:  Link

    Is aggressive sexy?

     

Comments (99)

  • i guess idk

  • 1st yes!

  • not always. depends.

  • Not too agressive.

  • Oh baby! second! that’s the highest i have ever been. woot!!

  • I read this article yesterday; I remember that it was talking about how agressiveness can be good in certain situations or stages of the relationship but not in others. So, there’s really not a set answer to that question….

  • Nope. If I was a guy, I wouldn’t think so.

    I like being passive and being protected.

  • In some ways, I’m pretty aggressive and I would consider myself to be sexy

  • I just made myself sound like a total pushover, but I’m not

  • It depends on what she is being aggressive about.  But strength of character is always attractive and admirable.  A firm stance in one’s beliefs is respectable.  There are definitely ways a woman can be assertive, intelligent and strong and be very sexy.  Of course, being aggressively foolish, or becoming immodest in their aggressiveness can work against them.

  • at times it can be

  • No but it is effective

  • I’m a girl, so I don’t know if this applies to me, and since I don’t know, I won’t answer. The article was definitely interesting though.

  • I would think aggressiveness would be a put-off, but a strong, assertive woman is admirable.

  • I love Paige, she is keeping it real from the ‘publican side.

    :P

  • I second Bokgwai.

  • And aggressive is sexy in terms of makeup sex. How many fights have been due to women who now wont budge? I miss the days of yore, kitchen and the bedroom…

    ;P

  • No..it’s a turn-off for me.

  • [coming from a girl:] when women are aggressive, it’s sexy to a point. but it’s sexy to the same point as it is when men are agressive.

    there’s a difference between being agressive and being bossy/demanding

  • To a degree.  A slight degree.

  • Independent? Yes. Agressive? That has a sort of neggative connotation. I’m gonna say no.

  • Yes.

  • Hell yes. Dominatrix = yummy.

  • I like aggressiveness in the bed. That really turns me on. But I am a girl…

    But I am not really not an aggressive female. Well, actually, I guess I am aggressive when competing or when it comes to my degree. I get what I want. But every boy I’ve dated has loved that about me.

    Ok, so I really dont knwo what my answer to this is. When it comes to guys, I love aggressive guys in terms of ambition and sex. When it comes to being a girl, I like being aggressive in a way.

  •  I think a lot of young women see it as a good thing.. but when a women is agressive they attract aggresive men.. as a women, aggressive men are a major turnoff!!!!

  • I don’t want a girl yo be a pushover but I also don’t want so see her getting into fights and bringing gunds to school.

  • i’m not usually agressive….but just recently, i gave it a try for a change, and it had FANTASTIC results. i think i’ll pull that move out for special occasions. haha. and i dont nessasarily mean in a sexual way.

  • I don’t know, but I DO know that “independent and liberated” and “aggressive” are very different things. A woman can be independent without being aggressive.

    Also, some of the men who perceive women as aggressive are just insecure.

  • I read that too!

    I think men definitely like women with a bit of backbone, but they don’t like women who are far too agressive. The ones that like women to be completely submissive, I find, are generally not worth having.

    So I’d say that men think some aggressiveness is sexy.

  • Aggressive men…yuck! As to the question I have to go with Bokgwai ‘s comment.

  • It depends on I when the woman becomes aggressive….she’s got to read the signs and know her man’s desires….

    Candy

  • I love aggressive men…yummy.

    Candy

  • Just as I clicked the “add a comment” button from my subs, I thought, “I wish he had a picture up for this one!” …I think that was my libido answering for me.

    A little aggressive can be good. Too much could easily be Hell.

  • I don’t know.

  • This really is all opinion. I think that a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to fight for that very sexy. However, I know many guys who think that attitude is a very ugly one. I would not want my wife to rely on me and would probably need her to keep me and my sometimes unintentionally self-destructive actions in line.

    Likely there is a combination of maturity level and degree of self-absorption that is involved with a guy’s opinion of this matter. However, a girl can go so far as to destroy any relationship no matter what the guys opinions.

  • Yes, to an extent. But sometimes, I think, it can be overbearing, just like any other trait.
    Happy balance, baby.

  • It depends on how aggressive they are beign and what they are being aggressive about. What a vague word! I am assertive, and if I want something I ask for it, but I don’t demand it. I don’t like people demanding things from me, so it’s common courtesy. On the other hand, if we’re talking sexual aggression, and not just interpersonal, I’d have to admit to being pretty damn aggressive. Not that my guy puts up much of a fight when I tackle him!

  • no, those girls tend to like the kinky stuff, im not that way.

  • “Men tend to leave a lot of the life details-from social planning to family planning-to the women in their lives. So when a woman has all the power, and she asserts her new role as boss in many realms, it can leave men feeling a little, well, little.”

    The article said that. . .well boo hoo.  That’s what guys get for not taking a more active role in the home life!  Well guys are busy with their jobs?  Well it’s the woman who are raising kids AND working a career, sometimes singe-handedly.  No sympathy there.

  • Aggressive?

    I wouldn’t want someone too aggressive for a relationship, No.

    Since that’s the question “is aggressive sexy”.

    It’s all about letting things happen as they happen.

    Not pushing for this or that. 

    but. . .I like guyly girls. . .

    So if by being aggressive, as a guy might be, I might find that VERY sexy.

    : ]   : ]   : ]

  • You have to have a happy balance of both to make a relationship work.  Smart women already know this.  Is it sexy?  If done right, absolutely.

  • I don’t roll that way, Dan!

  • In some cases, is it more an issue of the woman being aggressive, or just being very confident?

    A lot of men are intimidated by confident, outgoing woman who know their worth. I don’t know why, but they are. (And no, I don’t have a problem with this…. lol I’m actually about to be married). There have always been certain roles for both genders in relationships, and when the roles don’t necessarily fit the conventional ways, it can cause some… unrest or confusion (for lack of better words).

    I would think aggressiveness would be attractive in the corporate world. Some big shot in the offices might like to see a woman who can hold her own.

  • Aggressiveness can be admirable to an extent, but any trait can go too far. There’s even such a thing as being too nice.

  • I unsubscribed. >:P

  • No, I’d rather be assertive than aggressive… knowing what you want is sexy, but being forceful or rude about it when unprovoked isn’t.

  • oh yeah! :P

  • thats not the right word because agressive is more to the rude side you dont have to be a bitch about anything but you should be independent strong and opinionated

  • wow, that was a very insightful article. i can’t comment on the question though, because i don’t know the answer.

  • no its scary.

  • I dig.

  • Completely irrelevant to the question, but I couldn’t help noticing on your blogrings you had “Chinese Pride” and “I <3 Paris Hilton.”

    You are my idol.

  • Do you mean aggressive sexually? Cause that’s sexy indeed.

    Aggressive in the sense of firm in stance and conviction? Not sexy, but a good trait to have.

  • Coming from a female: It is sexy to a certain extent. After that, it is just plain scary.

    Agressive men, though, are definitely not attractive. lol

  • There’s a big difference in being aggressive and being assertive. I am assertive in meeting my goals, voicing my opinion, etc..I am aggressive when I am attacking someone verbally when I am upset. I choose to be assertive.

  • let the women decide. if they want to be indepedent and liberated, then my props to you. if your traditional, go for it.

    But there is no study like this done on men. So much prejudice still remains in our society.

  • if they’re physically agressive, it isn’t

  • No, most certainly not.

  • sometimes, sure

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  • hm not really. then they require a guy that can handle that aggressiveness. which ends up being an axe murder.

    besides ; its fun playing the ‘princess in need of saving’ role XD

  • I get hit regularly, does that count? and no I don’t like it.

  • My husband thinks it is. :)

  • There can be no exact answer because everyones sexual tastes differ. But in my opinion/past exprience; yes, agressiveness (within the range of non violence) is percieved as sexy. Rawr.

  • There are levels of aggresiveness. Theres the old 40 minutes of hell *razorback plug* and then theres the half court press *not to be confused with the half court trap*. I’m not a fan of the 40 minutes of hell…no…not a fan of hell

  • aggressive probably not.  Assertive, yes.  The same goes for men.

    I didn’t read the article but part of me says that men that can’t handle an aggressive woman need to STFU, get their testosterone levels checked, and grow some damned balls. boo hoo.

  • I dont think so..no..

  • My friend promised she would never hit me agian so i dont have to worry about it..YES!! It hurts when she hits me!She pushed me into a pole and broke my toothe before. It was an acedent though….

  • its a balancing act. a lot of men ive talked to have said tht sometimes they may be a lil intimidated to approach a woman. so in result, more women are approaching men.

    speaking as an aggressive woman, a lot of men like that. I’m not gonna go club a guy in the head and drag him home by his hair!!! It’s about eye contact, playing it smooth. you can say a lot with ur eyes. and take it from there. make conversation, exchange numbers!!!

    the biggest problem is communication. if you dont communicate the right way, then the aggression can be a turn off. we have to listen to each other.

    aggressive men are a turnoff for me also. i like a lil aggression, i want the man to take the lead, but dont jump in it if i oppose it. that is a major issue. if o said no the first time, rewording the question is not gonna make me respond any differently.

    PeAce Love Soul

  • This is off-subject, but I have noticed that no more abortion cards have appeared on your site..

    Would this be because of all the complaints, or that nobody else has made any?

    I hope the first one.

  • My boyfriend insists that it is, but I disagree. I couldn’t date an overly agressive girl, seriously. Or a guy, for that matter.
    He always gets on my case though, for not being as outspoken.

  • maybe i just know the wrong men but i don’t know any guys who actively pursue girls.  they all sit back and wonder why no girls are pursuing them.  i don’t pursue guys anymore though, it’s never worked for me and its never been because i’m too aggressive.  more that i don’t look like the kind of girl that guys want.  (i’ve been told that to my face so its not a self esteem thing either)

  • Okay, I think women are too aggressive, and men are too passive! I don’t know whose fault it is, or where it started, but both sexes are at fault! That’s not a direct answer but those are my thoughts.

  • There’s this certain way to do it… Like, aggressive when the other person isn’t and should be. And always going forward for what they want (Of course, it’s only sexy if they want me. Otherwise, it equals envy for me)

  • For a Klingon.

  • It can be in the right situation.

  • umm she is if she takes initiative.  Its kinda wierd when she bosses the guy around as if he is a dog. 

  • depends. i know one that is very agressive and i wouldn’t ever be in a relationship with her. make that 2. to a slight degree it can be sexy.

  • To a point, absolutely.

  • I think the word ‘confidence’ is better.

  • I don’t find women sexy at all so I can’t really answer that..
    But I don’t like it when my friends are aggressive..

  • I don’t think so… assertive and strong, yes, but aggressive, no.

  • I guess it would take a pretty well-grounded, secure man to appreciate an agressive woman.  There aren’t many of them out there.

  • good God we are liberated and independent? and I guess that just screws up everything huh? 

    Agressiveness is good in some ways.  Just as men being TOO aggressive is a bad thing.. the same goes for women.  I think so aggressiveness is needed.

  • and by “so” I mean some. 

    Aggressiveness can be sexy.. if done right.

  • it may be fun for a moment in time, but in the long run, it’s not as attractive as it would seem.

  • No, if it’s out of the line. It’s gonna be scary. Stay in the middle then it’s alright.

  • If it’s not, then it doesn’t matter, because I wouldn’t date a guy who wanted me to be timid and to defer to him, anyway.

  • Not gonna lie, that article says guys want to be more aggressively pursued, but that has never, ever worked for me.  It seems to work out better when the guy is the pursuer.  I’m all for letting a guy know you’re interested by flirting a whole lot, but I think guys don’t really want what they say they want (ie aggressiveness).  So, aggressive is not really that sexy in my opinion.

  • An independent woman is sexy, but too aggressive is kind of scary.

    Unless you’re a guy who is into that kind of thing.

    But then again, I’m a chick and I’m straight, so…

  • It completely depends on the situation and the woman.

  • you’re obsessed with sexy

  • Are they agressive or ASSERTIVE?  Depends on the woman.

    I think men are too wishy-washy… They can never make up their minds

  • Why does everything a woman is and does have to always be about attracting men? Are men characterized and compartmentalized like this? “Oh, did you see that? He was too whiny/weak/macho/whatever… he’ll NEVER get a woman if he acts like THAT!”

    Be yourself, be who you want to be. Then find someone who loves you for it.

  • In a woman, I wouldn’t know.  But I think it can be attractive in a man if it is not…you know. Brutal.  Like an agressive man punching a woman or something. 

  • I think some women can be too aggressive and it may be a turn off. SInce I am not a guy, I couldnt say for sure.

    WOmen should choose carefully when to be agressive and when not to be. When it comes to job promotion and things like that.- yes be aggressive. But I think that as far as pursuing relationships, they should let men do their jobs.

  • As always, it is important to notice the subtle differences between words.

    In this whole discussion, including the original post and the source article, I think “aggressive” is not the word we’re really thinking of. Real aggression is combative, forceful. It seeks to inflict harm on others, without being provoked. Often it seeks be benefit itself at the expense of others, but sometimes an aggressive person simply enjoys trodding others underfoot. If anyone actually finds aggression (as I’ve described it) to be sexy, they need to see a therapist.

    Lots of times, people say “aggressive” when they mean “assertive.” Assertive is standing up for oneself, refusing to be walked on. Like aggressive, assertive takes action. It doesn’t wait for problems to grow into full conflicts before dealing with them. But assertive doesn’t really fit the discussion either. Assertive is when somebody is dealing with a potential problem, not for pursuing something desireable.

    I think what we’re really talking about is “initiative.” Initiative is taking the lead, taking the first step. Initiative is not waiting around for the other person to notice or take action. Initiative is the opposite of passivity.

    Personally, I think a woman who takes initiative can be attrative, as long as it’s not overdone. The man should really be the one who takes the first step, but a woman who wants him can make sure she gets in his way a lot.

  • hell ya

  • I can deal with aggressive men.

    Indeed, I have dealt with aggressive men.

    Aggressive women are just scary.

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