March 27, 2007
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Emotional Cheating
This is an issue I received in my message box:
“my husband is leaving me stating he is no longer in love w/ me, he has been in an ongoing “friendship” w/ an old friend from high school, who is a women. shortly before my husband decided to leave, I discovered an email stating how much they loved each other. He has moved out, and has gone over his cell phone minutes & texts talking to this woman (I know cuz I’m still paying the bill, thou it’s his money) I also have heard messages she has left professing her love to him and how she can help him get to sleep at night.
he states nothing physical has ever happened, they are just friends. I say it’s an emotional affair.
my question, is this still cheating?”
Comments (234)
1?
I would think so. Maybe that’s just me.
HA!
Anyway, I should think that is cheating. I’ve done it once, and I felt so guilty.
yep.
yeah it is cheating, anything like that, physical or not, is definitely cheating, because you’re still cheating your spouse out of the love they deserve from you.
Cheating is giving anything to another person that you should only be giving to your spouse.
This includes intimacy both sexual and emotional.
Yes.
yeaah
yeah…it is….
he is cheating without the physical act…. i think it probably hurts more to have an emotional cheater. if you had someone just having sex with random people instead of a “love affair”…. i think the love affair would hurt worse. where as a one nighter wouldn’t.
Of course. . .if your heart is in a relationship with someone else, that’s even more then a “physical cheating”.
Absolutely.
Technically yes, but what would the alternative be? Would your friend rather have him stay with her and sleep around, lying about his true feelings. Hey…at least he had the balls to end his relationship before pursuing a new one. Props to the man.
it is…even more so if they’re professing love for eachother…
it isn’t fair, that’s for certain.
SHOOT HIM!
yeah..there are some areas of our life which are reserved for our spouses, which extend beyon physical intimacy.
This very much is the case since they bonded non-physically and now he left her.
Yes, as much so as anything physical.
CHEATING!
Yep. Been thru this one myself too. It hurt me just as much as when he physically cheated. The other woman had no clue about me and was told I was a crazy ex when she even found out I existed.
Most definitely… even though he hasn’t physically cheated, he’s sharing a sort of intimacy that is not meant to be shared with anyone outside of that marriage.
Xcholo4u, this is true; however, he was not honest if he waited until he was in love with another woman to tell his wife.
It’s the thought that counts.
Of course not. I’ve repeatedly told my girlfriend that she’s my one and only sex object. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yes, because I did the same. I broke it off a good couple of months ago and am happily in love with my boyfriend of more than a year. But something like that can be so damaging to a relationship, mainly because relationships are about the emotional connection you get with someone. It’s not what’s physical that really matters. It’s the emotions.
yes
Yup.
I think this would hurt more than physical cheating. There is a bond between a husband and wife that does not leave room for anyone else.
Yes, and I’d actually be more hurt by purely emotional cheating than purely physical. They are not “just friends” if he talks to her so much with her professing her love for him, and the biggest evidence that this is not a “friendship” is that he is leaving his wife for this woman. I don’t understand why guys only think it’s cheating when it’s physical - or maybe they just find it convenient to pretend that they think so.
We’re hearing one side of the story. Adultery involves sex. Emotions are not sinful and even talking about emotions is not sinful. If a marriage is “happy” and whole, there’s no way emotions – past or present – can break it up.
Yes.
Well, so what if he’s no longer in love with her? That eventually happens anyway. Feelings on “being in love” are fun, but they don’t last. True love is doing good for someone – the best you can – not feeling all floaty and hearing birds singing when the person walks into the room.
And yes, it is cheating.
There’s talking trash just to talk and then there’s cheating. Intimacy is intimacy–physical or emotional. Yes, in this case, it’s cheating!
Vickichicki…. read your Bible dear….. emotions can be sinful.
Yes, giving yourself emotionally is almost worse than physically to me. It breaks a barrier that it intimacy that is reserved for a husband and wife or someone committed to one another. Cheating is cheating
Yeah, I think so.
An emotional affair is cheating I think.
Emotions make the relationship last longer then if its just physical.
Yes, and it’s worse.
yes. sadly, it happens all the time.
yeah
Yes.
“Cheating is giving anything to another person that you should only be giving to your spouse.
This includes intimacy both sexual and emotional.
Yes.
Posted 3/27/2007 12:31 PM by ChrisRusso”
I couldn’t have said it better!!!
We’re hearing one side of the story. Adultery involves sex. Emotions are not sinful and even talking about emotions is not sinful. If a marriage is “happy” and whole, there’s no way emotions – past or present – can break it up.
Posted 3/27/2007 12:43 PM by vickichicki
Jesus said that whoever looks upon a woman with lust has committed adultery with her in his heart. That puts those “emotions” as sinful.
Definitely!
i think it is.
yes
Definitely.
I agree with Steph and Annakristine.
Yes. This kind of stuff is so sad and it makes me sick to my stomach. I wish her the best of luck.
absolutely!
Severe betrayal of trust. Which is pretty much what cheating is.
yes … you’re sharing emotions and time that belong to your spouse.
Yes, it is cheating. Inappropriate thoughts are bound to come creeping into our brains occasionally, but we can choose not to entertain them. We don’t have to rehearse them or dwell on them. We can immediately dismiss impure thoughts and we can refuse to commit emotional infidelity. In my experience in this area, women tend to emotionally fantasize more than men and it is really hard for many women to overcome.
yep…and, IMHO, even worse than physically cheating.
Absolutely.
yes
It certainly is.
I don’t think that it would stand up in court in divorce trials, but I would call this cheating.
You bet your buttons that is cheating.
YES
according to the bible, yes.
Yes it is.
Hell yes it is! The fact is that they are both saying that they love each other, and hes no longer saying it to his wife. Hes leaving her… and is sending messages to this woman. They have probably been sending messages and talking a lot longer than she knows. This doesn’t just happen overnight. Ptsh… cheater!
most definitely
Oh yes.
definitely
his heart is in the wrong place. in that way, yes. he feels he has already left you.
Yes.
Dump him.
I don’t buy that there is no physical cheating going on.She should find out, that would change things a bit in divorce court.
Even thinking about being with someone else…yep! That’s cheating…
Thoughts become words…words become actions…
In the words of Lewis Black:
“If curling is an olympic sport, then oral sex is adultery!
Because personally I think oral sex is harder than curling and if you’re any good at it you deserve a medal!”
uhh, yeah it’s definitely cheating, I’m really sorry about that.
My father did the same thing to my mother, he met a lady on the internet and they’d talk all the time and that kind of stuff.
I think it’s even more cheating than having sex, because they’re so deeply involved with each other that it’s more than body parts together.
yes.. and I honestly think that emoational cheating is worse than physical. althought they both are horrible.. it would be easier for me to deal with if it was ONLY physical… however if it was only emotional or both.. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
YES
Yes, I think it is cheating. Unless she needs to go over the phone records for proof in her divorce case, I would say she is just hurting herself. She should go talk to a lawyer and to a councelor.
Yes.
uhh. heck yes.
It would had been better if he got drunk one night an had sex with a stranger. It would have been less of a betrayal than what he did do
Yes
Do you even have to ask?
After reading just the first page of comments, I’m curious about how many men vs. women have emotionally cheated. You know, having a “friend” on the side whom you have developed a close, intimate relationship with. I think this is the next question you should ask, Dan. According to the people who have answered this question, emotional cheating is still cheating. So, I want to know if women are more prone to emotional cheating than men are.
it is cheating. the husband should use his wife as an (if i may use the term) ‘emotional outlet.’ thats part of the agreement they make when they marry.
this is all from a single persons perspective.
i also found it fascinating that you got 80 comments in about 4 hours.
peace, love, hummer
JP
Yes-ish, it’s not as bad as if something physical had happened.
But it is kind of a moot point whether he physically cheated or not since they are splitting up.
Good to hear from you today…Dan
…hehe…hope things are going good for you…have a good day…^^
Yep. Almost the exact same thing happened to me in my first marriage.
duh
The emotional cheating is so much more damaging than the physical… sure the physical is “real” and everyone sympathizes with it, but I’d rather my partner have a drunken one night love affair and be sorry, than be in love with someone else but have never officially commited adultery. At least you can still work on your relationship if it was physical cheating.
i don’t know,ok
yep.
You’re not “just friends” with a person you’re openly professing your undying love for (and in return). If you’re telling each other you love each other, and planning to leave your wife for another woman, it long ago left the realm of “innocent.”
This is so sad… yes.
Yeah it is. And it probably was physical. If these two people were into each other THAT much, what makes anyone think that nothing physical happened? C’mon, if he can’t control the minutes of his phone………..he’s not controling his lower regions. Besides, when a cornered man is asked if anything happened —-he’ll almost ALWAYS lie!
Yes, it is.
yeah
yeah
i hate it when it sends em twice
Yes, definitely.
Absolutely. He’s a jerk and needs to get right.
Yes, it is cheating. He may not have cheated physically . . . yet. But he cheated emotionally. The lure of the promise of love – physical and emotional yanked him away from his wife because he didn’t guard his heart against outside influences and he didn’t cherish his wife and shut the door on the temptation in the first place.
Yes I know there are two sides to the story. His wife may have become emotionally distant and the other woman was emotionally wide open and exciting.
Marriage is work. It is a job. You must work on it to make it successful or this will happen.
Yes.
hell yeah! my husband wouldn’t have any balls left if i suspected him of doing half the things you she know’s hers has done.
yup
Yes. A man who is 95% faithful is not a faithful man.
Cheating is giving anything to another person that you should only be giving to your spouse.
This includes intimacy both sexual and emotional.
Yes.
Posted 3/27/2007 12:31 PM by ChrisRusso
what a good way to put it, I AGREE. totally cheating!!! (if not worse than physical)
Of course!
It’s emotional cheating, but cheating nonetheless. Looking but not touching is one thing but this went a step further and they became attached to each other emotionally. If his heart isn’t with his wife, he did the right thing by leaving her. She’s better off. If he would have stayed, he would have been miserable and he would have made her miserable. What kind of life is that to lead?
absolutely.
Fight Mental Illness Stigma
how isn’t it? just because it isn’t physical, doesn’t mean it isn’t cheating.
Yes. It is.
It’s the thought that counts.
Posted 3/27/2007 12:41 PM by jimmyjazz86
haha so true!
yeah, although you cant call it physically cheating.
yeah. welll. i unno. sounds more like a fling.
Absolutely. She needs to start fighting for him and give him legitimate reasons to stay if she still wants him.
Although, I don’t know if I would want to take back an ‘emotional cheater’. It’s a really tough call.
Cheating.
of course. if this was just a friend he would have asked her to come over and have dinner with him and his wife. He would have made her part of both of their lives not just his.
absolutely it is. any relationship needs the emotional connection, and if he has that with this other woman he is not being true to his wife
absolutely. Love is work. he’s working with someone else… physically or not. and you can not work for two at once. that’s cheating if I’ve ever heard it! probably worse than physical becuase hormones and stupidity can’t be blamed…
YES IT IS CHEATING!
I say let his bitch pay the bill…why foot the bill for their bullshit.
yes.
It’s obviously enough for him to alter his life and hers… so I would say absolutely.
Yes, totallyyyyyy.
yes
definitely.
Absolutely.
Nope.
I think it’s hilarious that some people here think they can control the person they’re with, or at least have a right to control them, to the extent that they can even demand that they not feel an emotion.
If the person you’re with has feelings for someone else, and you “love” them, then perhaps you should re-think the demand that they not leave you? How is that ever part of the agreement?
What? You love them, but would rather them be less happy and stay with you?
Sounds emotional AND physical.
yes.
theres no way he’d get a divorce if nothing physical has happened. yes, its still cheating either way
Of course, nothing physical needs to happen in order to cheat on someone.
yes.
A relationship is not just a physical connection, but it’s an emotional one. And the emotional connection is the most imporant since it is indeed the part that helps the relationship work and fuels the passion between the two people.
If said husband is confessing his love to this woman, and she doing the same in return, then, yes, I think this is cheating.
yes
a) Of course it’s cheating! b) Do she REALLY believe him??? pffffffffffffffffft
Yes. To me, it would be even more devastating to find out my significant other was in love with someone else than if they did something physically.
Yes
yes…
Yes
Nope.
I think it’s hilarious that some people here think they can control the person they’re with, or at least have a right to control them, to the extent that they can even demand that they not feel an emotion.
If the person you’re with has feelings for someone else, and you “love” them, then perhaps you should re-think the demand that they not leave you? How is that ever part of the agreement?
What? You love them, but would rather them be less happy and stay with you?
Posted 3/27/2007 3:55 PM by Yohsiph
I agree that you can’t control someone, but wouldn’t you be sad if your partner left you? Wouldn’t you try and get them to stay?
of course it is D:. but he should be man enough to tell his wife the REAL truth. but at least he’s man enough to not make it a physical affair.
absolutely.
Yes.
It’s the most painful cheating too. Getting over a partner’s physical cheating is easier when there is ‘no emotional attachment’, but with emotional cheating, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about how much your partner wants you to put out, it’s that they aren’t attracted to you as a person.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
heck yes
Yes. That would be an emotional affair, alright!
Emotional affair or cheating, it ALL hurts.
duh!
i feel sorry for the woman =/.. offer her our condolences dan!
of course. emotional cheating
hurts more than physical.
ugh what a bastardly thing to do.
this is cheating, i hate ppl like that
my questino is, what if u r with ur new bf/gf, and u still think of ur ex bf/gf sometimes, does that count as emotional cheating??
cheater
yes.
it doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional. it’s still cheating.
Yes.
absolutely… he sounds like a terribly guy and it’s good he’s gone b/c she obviously deserves better.
If he was “hiding” their relationship then it’s cheating.
yep… emotional relationship. and dont try to work it out, he’ll just find another one.
I think that’s worse than cheating.
I wouldn’t think it’d qualify as adultery, but that doesn’t mean it’s right by any stretch.
Absolutely
Without a doubt. Why must sex be the pinnacle of a relationship?
Is this for real? Duh! The guy is leaving her for another woman and she wants to know if his relationship with the other woman is cheating? Duh again!
yes definitely!!
i believe emotional cheating is worse that physical cheating
maybe it is cheating, maybe it isn’t. that’s just a matter of opinion
but you can’t blame someone for falling out of love as much as you can’t blame someone for falling in love. it just happens.
An emotional affair can be even more damaging to all parties than a physical affair or fling.
I was in a dating relationship for nine months during which we had little physical contact beyond holding hands, but were both aware of how we felt about each other. Sure it’s cheating.
“I think it’s even more cheating than having sex, because they’re so deeply involved with each other that it’s more than body parts together.
Posted 3/27/2007 1:40 PM by attercop”
I agree 100% because it’s happened to me. I’m still with my boyfriend, and it’s been a year of trying to work it out, but I feel like it would have been an easier relationship had he just had sex with her; I would at least feel as if I have something concrete on which to base the pain it has caused me.
Going steady is one thing, but marriage is supposed to be the real thing. This makes me so sad.
i think that’s cheating. i think cheating is defined by the other person you’re in a commitment with. if you’re doing something that your partner doesn’t think is right and wouldn’t do to you, then it’s wrong.
Heck yes it is! That story makes me really sad.
Tiffany <><
I consider that worse than physical cheating.
It’s a form of..
Hes a cheating bastard. Castration haha thats the way to go.
heck yes
seeking emotional support is one thing, proffessing love and wanting to help someone sleep better insinuates a physical relationship.
Even wanting to be with another woman besides your wife is having an affair…it’s just more mental, and it’s still wrong.
Is it wrong to say,”hey, that guy’s cute?” no. is it wrong to say,”hey, here’s my number, you’re cute, I wanna do you.” yes. stupid. freaking. question.
lol. I’m in bitch mode today.
Yessir.
YES!!!! I am praying for that lady…
Yes.
Yep, it is cheating.
Yes it is. Cheating is dealing with someone who is other than besides your spouse/partner.
If it’s NOT cheating then what the heck IS it?
It’s wrong, that’s for sure.
hell yea thats cheating
This person on featured content posted something about this very same thing. The article they posted was actually from another blog. But, here’s the xanga link:
http://www.xanga.com/kits_purse/578951699/can-men-and-women-be-friends.html
Some of you may have already read it. But, I thought I’d post it here because it is in line with this post. I hope it helps those reading. – JN.14:27 Rom.5:8
yes
Yeah.
well, cheating or not, it seems like ur relationship is over. My solution…go have sum wild sex with people get ur mind off things =]
I would think so, but my wife dont think it is,She doesnt think its cheating until
someone other them me stick something in it.
yes.
Oooh, is that not an open wound?
Yeah it is, but i am progressive now. I fuck guys. I have no interest in guys though. I don’t ever worry about cheating cause I don’t give a shit what they do when we aren’t together.
It sucks having to think about the girl I am NOT with to get off though…
There is no doubt in my mind that this was cheating. Who cares if it wasn’t physical?! Definitely cheating.
No. I wouldn’t say so.
personally, i think it’s a far worse kind of cheating that a strictly physical relationship. i truly believe i could forgive my significant other for having sex with someone else, but making a connection like that, especially professing love as well, is something i could never forgive.
I have done a lot of reading on “Emotional Cheating”. It is not an affair of the flesh but it is an affair of the mind which in fact can be more deep and dangerous than that of the flesh. You are filling a very important void that is missing in your relationship, it isn’t healthy and only creates more problems in the future.
I have had an “Emotional Affair” and it took me awhile to realize what I was doing, once I did I knew it was time to break it off with my lover, once him and I were apart my relationship with this person drifted because I no longer needed to rely on them.
-Meghan
Heck yes!
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Yes. If you ask me, emotional affairs are much more profound than physical affairs.
Then again, getting into physical affairs also has to do with some emotion.
So there.
yeah
he should end their relationship officially
before he does anything only couples do with other people
christ yea
Yes, absolutely.
yes
most definately!
No.
Oh definitely. Woman are to emotions as Men are to sex. The husband might not think its that serious because to him, he hasn’t given her the most important part of himself to her…sex. But she’s given him the most important part of herself…her heart.
Definately Yes! Without a doubt.
sadly it is, and what’s worse, it is in its highest form that is so hard to beat … sexual affairs are much easier because its just physical attraction …
I think the worst type of cheating would be emotional cheating. As Homo Sapiens, it is programed into our DNA to find mates and secure the survival of our species…this is where the physical comes into play. You can be physically attracted to someone without being emotionally involved. Let me state for the record, that this does NOT make it ok to cheat. But emotion involves love as well as hate. This type of emotional connection is even more powerful than the purely physical that eventually fades, and thus one of the worst ways someone can cheat.
I’m so sorry… your story makes me sad. I agree with everyone that said the emotions and I loves yous they’ve been sharing would hurt me more than catching them in the act of sex itself.
Yes!
It is cheating indeed, with do doubt in mind.
Its not the matter of cheating or not. The point is that guy is deeply in love with other woman.
yes.
Is that a serious question? Of course it’s cheating!
I could almost swear my mom wrote that.
Yes it’s still cheating.
cheating can be identified by the emotional effect on the partners involved. Is till maintain that peopel cheat because they are unwilling or unable to express what it is they need from their partner in the relationship – and seek it elsewhere.
I don’t think theres enough information.
anytime your spouse spends with someone in an “inappropriate manner” i would consider cheating as well… i can attest to this, because i’m watching someone clsoe to me doing the same thing, and it’s a saddenign thing to experience :-/
Though if they professed love for eachother, then yeah, i guess.
yes.
This is most definitely cheating.
if cheating could be defined as a diversion of emotional attachment regardless of the medium used, then yes.
The question itself implies that fidelity is mostly a physical obligation, which i believe it extends far beyond.
its scummy
and yes it is cheating
anything you do that you wouldnt feel comfortable doing in front of your significant other in regards to the opposite sex… is cheating
Yes “for out of the emotions reality is formed.”
yes
I’d say its only cheating if the guy continued to be with her. But obviously the guy made the concious decision to leave the wife before anything physical happened. Now if he just continued to have this emotional relationship while still being with his wife than yes. What we have to understand is, people grow apart from eachother and look for other people to spark their interest. Many times this happens and it usually means the begining of the end of a relationship. But as long as the person decides to leave the person they are with for the new person who has caught their interest then no it is not cheating. That’s how I see it.
YES!!! This is definitely call cheating. You can’t be in love with two women at once. Maybe he only tells his wife that he loves her only. but his action already tells he loves someone else. Cheating, bad bad bad!!!
Yes. If your heart is in a relationship with someone else then it’s just as bad, if not worse.
yes.
Yes and looks like the yeps have it.
Intention is right up there alongside action. It’s not the same, but it certainly has weight to it.
YES YES YES
eweeew hes a emo-whore lmao
Yes.
[ariana]
YES
I know this is like the 200th message but YES!!!
yes it is