June 17, 2007
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Donating Sperm
I have a friend here on xanga that has an interesting situation that I asked her if we could discuss. She is a lesbian and her partner and her want to have a child together. The problem is that they need sperm.
Now they can get a sperm donor through the regular method of going to a “sperm bank.” But it is cheaper if they find their own donor. So she has a guy picked out. He is everything she would want a man to be if she was interested in men.
But her problem is asking the man for his sperm. She explained to him what she was doing and he sounded interested in the process. The man would sign off the rights to the child. The problem is she is sort of embarrassed to ask the man to make the donation.
Ladies: Could you ask a man friend for his sperm for the purpose of getting pregnant?
Guys: Would you give your woman friend your sperm if she asked for it?
Comments (128)
i suppose… i guess i’d feel safer with a friend than a stranger?
Yeah I would ask, but the bigger problem would be could they still be friends with him, or could they trust him enough not to get a paternal attachment to the child.
Sure…if she helped extract it….and signed a waiver.
ha, for sure i’d ask.
No I wouldn’t ever ask a male friend for sperm. Except my husband.
then again, i’ve no shame about things like that. so i’d easily cover all the moral, legal, whatever nonsense and get to it.
Hmm. Why don’t they just have sex?
Pay the money and get an sperm bank donor. This is not the time to be cheap. By law the genetic father is the real father. They will pay the lawyer if not the sperm bank.
No stinking way. Why doesn’t anyone comment about how bizarre this situation is? Okay, I just did. It’s so bizarre. Romans 1.
Id rather they went to the sperm bank; if we were that great of friends, there’d be the risk of developing a strong paternal feeling towards the child, and I wouldn’t want to interfere…
And any man would ether be a fool or very trusting to give these woman any sperm. They can take him to court for child support. Lots of legal documents, what a pain, just go use the sperm bank
I would donate, depending on the situation and the friend.
I don’t know if I wouldn’t get attached though, knowing that I was the father. I would probably want to be involved in the child’s life as a friend or an uncle but eventually he or she would want to know who his or her father really is. This is were the whole thing would get sticky.
Sounds too much like a soap or a Will and Grace episode.
“Why doesn’t anyone comment about how bizarre this situation is?”
Because it will do no good
I think I could. It would have to be someone I knew really well and loved.
I don’t think I would. If I wanted a child and needed a donor I would go to a sperm bank and make sure everything was legal so I wouldn’t have to worry about him wanting custody in the future.
My sister who is NOT a lesbian but had no guy ( was getting older etc.) went to a sperm bank and had twins.
I don’t think I would want to ask a friend because it’s all well and good to sign off when there is no baby, but when the baby comes I think things could get messy. And what about when the kids older and wants to mett his/her dad> I think I would just do the bank.
And I’m thinking of this more like if i were married and me and my husband didnt have kids and needed someones sperm. why use a strangers when you could use a friends?
if the guy was a good friend, he would understand.
“why use a strangers when you could use a friends?”
Because the friend is the father and that and get messy. With the sperm bank you have the information that is needed genetics and such, but there is no other father. They are totally confidential.
Yeah, I dunno. It would depend on our relationship alot.
If I was a guy, I think I’d be pretty flattered if someone asked me.
I like the extraction answer. That’s what all guys think, but don’t want to say it.
So what if the lesbians break up and daddy doesn’t much approve of the birth mother. Maybe he has converted to Christianity and thinks homosexuality is a sin. That donor has the rights of a father, he might be able to take the child if the genetic mother has something wrong with her.
Things such as this have already been hitting the courts.
Use the stinking sperm bank tell them to talk to a lawyer, he say same thing. If they just want to save money, it is a really stupid move.
I don’t have a problem opening my mouth and asking.
But I’m pretty sure that after the whole thing we might not be such great ‘friends’ anymore.
Course, if I wanted to be pregnant I’d go and get married to a guy.
Man, why does being a lesbian have to be so stinking complicated?
RYC–Dan, I am aware of DTS’s good reputation. Also, I got accepted, and I think that it was affordable, but I have different things in my life right now. Maybe in a year or two.
That seems so strange to me… it’d be like asking a friend of ours to donate sperm (like if my husband couldn’t do it). I guess for me I think I’d rather it be an anonymous donor, otherwise it would just seem.. wierd. I don’t know. Then again, I can see why you’d want to have some contact and emotional connection with the “father.”
If it’s someone that’s a close friend, sure it might be awkward, but I think you can definitely sit them down, and tell them about how you and your partner want to have a child together, and that you’d be honored if he could donate his sperm to make your goal happen (and, of course, then explain all the legal logistics, etc).
Yeah I would.
Only a very very good friend…
Here a bottle and some porn, but first sign these 15 pages of legal documents. Ok now just play with yourself and put the results in the bottle. Thank you
If they are that good of friends, she really could just . . .
I’d ask. I think the guy would be flattered, whether or not he decided to father their child.
Ok if she really wants to save money and the thought of a man’s touch is that disgusting, she could just use a really clean turkey baster. Face it, that is all the doctors really do.
This girl will save tons of money
Happy Fathers Day Dan
there are a lot of people whose sperm is highly desireable but who i wouldn’t want to have sex with. my history teacher, for example. i want my children to have his genes. and i consider that a compliment. i mean, if some one came up to you and said “i think you are the perfect specimen of intelligence and attitude and i am having trouble getting pregnant so could you please jerk off in a cup for me” i’d be like YEAH! RIGHT ON!! I’M PERFECT!
if you get sperm from a friend then the kid could know the dad and i think that would be sorta cool; only problematic if someone was being weird about it.
that would be kind of awkward. the whole situation, not just the asking.
no way. that’s like giving away your baby.
Why do birds fall down from the sky every time you walk by?
happy father’s day haha
and I wouldn’t mind donating my sperm
I could ask,you don’t know if you don’t ask.You need to be secure enough to handle the rejection, which I have had lots of practice at in my lifetime.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAN!!!!!
No, I don’t think I’d ask. But then, I plan on being married, so there shouldn’t be a problem where that’s concerned.
No…
If I really wanted it, I’d ask. I’d probably trust the genetics more than a stranger. But hopefully, it won’t come the that.
I would.
I will only give things like sperm to my wife, and of course, if she asks for it, that will be fine too.
Yes, with conditions of course like being a part of the child’s life, such as uncle, the child is told who the bsd is when he/she is of age
Please pass the sperm?
eww..
Why not? I would.
i fully support whatever they decide to do!
depends on how close i am to the guy.
Yes. But I’d have to super comfortable with him.
Any child that would be conceived by my sperm would be my child. I could not participate in anything like this.
No. I think that I would trust God to allow my husband’s sperm to work. If not, I know there would be a reason, and we would have to maybe consider adoption. I think it would be way to weird to ask a friend anyways…
actually I was in this very situation before (no I’m not lesbian, but my husband has genetic issues). I tried for two years to get the guts to ask this man I’ve known for years, but never could get the guts. The whole random sperm donor just grossed me out too much.
messy messy.
I would just start laughing and than walk away
Sure.
No, that is against my beliefs.
It really depends. I’d like to think I could be open to it, but the reality could be different.
I really dont think I could be an uninvolved father, so I would not be a good choice.
I know I couldn’t, and wouldn’t.
I guess. Free delivery, though.
Probably. It would depend.
I wouldn’t do it. Nor would I be flattered.
As a guy, I would do it for my friend. I’d sign over rights to the child, but if the kid wanted to look for me when it grew up, i’d understand.
And i guess it wouldn’t matter if donating the sperm meant ejaculating into a cup or actually having sex.
I’d have to be in the situation.
Paige, being a contrary young girl has some valid points.
Idealists think it would be one big happy alterna-family skipping into the sunset, but actually my concern would be being liable for donating some baby batter.
I would have paternal concerns, like being able to see the child my sperm helped create, buuuuuut…
My biggest concern would really be being held somehow liable as the father.
How much does your sperm obligate you in a gentleman’s agreement?
That is why sperm banks cost money.
LAWYERS.
Kill em all? Sigh…
We need lawyers. People crap daily too…
I’m a guy. I wouldn’t give my sperm to anyone. If my sperm is used to inseminate something, I plan on being the one responsible for its upbringing.
However, I wouldn’t really have a problem if someone else wanted to donate it. It’s just a personal thing for me.
Well, my kids came from “sperm donors” and I didn’t necessarily ask to get pregnant (of course I’d be silly to say I didn’t know it could happen). Personally, I wouldn’t be bothered. Especially if he plans to sign over all rights before the kid is born. Why not?
“Man, why does being a lesbian have to be so stinking complicated?”
It’s complicated because homosexuals have brought upon them a curse. But there is a way out.
(Read “Blessing or Curse: You Can Choose” by Derek Prince.)
oh no, too complicated. within the friendship, he would get attched to the child.
My fiancee Caleb says “Hell no,” because he would not want “a little bastard child running around.” Insensitive? Maybe, but true.
oh dear. prolly not. and coming from me since im not lesbian, it would be a bit awekward… <.<
o__o That would REALLY depend on…which friend…but I guess…
Yeah. O__o Because I’m upfront enough to do so.
”I want your babies : D”
I have been asked for sperm before and said no. I simply couldn’t give up all claims to a child I had genetic attachment to. But I think they should ask anyways, not every guy is as weird as I am.
gross.
thats not natural. lol.
If I was a lady, if I was asking a man to donate some sperm for me, I would think again and say ‘Am I not mental?’
And if I was a guy I would think, ‘Is she not mental.’
First off.. I wouldn’t be lesbian. xD
Second, it would depend on the guy.
Man, why does being a lesbian have to be so stinking complicated? (Soultender)
—–
Because a womans private wasn’t meant to be paired with another womans private.
absolutely never
depends on how close I am to the friend.
Um no… The only sperm I’ll be “getting” from anyone is my husband thank you. And if we couldn’t have kids, I’d rather adopt than potentially ruin a friendship.
yup. what no body says doesn’t hurt anyone.
I could ask a question:’What if the child grow up one day and find that his or her body has another genes that is not the same as the one who grow him or her up?’ He or She might grow up with a confused sense of belonging and identity.
and ‘What if the ‘father’ see his child one day?’Is he going to seperate from his own child who share the same blood with him?’
and is it a ‘wise’ solution to having a baby?
Though I can’t say for sure due to a number of factors, I probably would not donate my sperm to a female friend. Two reasons; one, I would likely not be able to ignore the fact that the child was mine, and the second is that it would make my friendship extremely awkward and most of my friendships are already awkward enough.
I would not expect that I would be opposed to being asked by a friend. I would hope that a friend of mine would ask if they wanted such a thing without hesitating since I think that good friends should be able to discuss anything without worrying how the other one will take it.
AWKWARD….
0_o I think I’d probably just go to the sperm bank.
No. But if I really wanted my man friend’s sperm to impregnante me I’d just have sex with him. I, however, am not a lesbian so that might not work out so well.
Lots of issues on this one, but I will stick to the basic question. Yes, I would ask if I felt they were suitable.
Um…. no I wouldn’t ask….
No.
yeah i think she should ask. just go for it. if he says no then atleast u know what the answer is and u can just look for another guy. i think if they found a way like if he wanted to be in the kids life or something but that could be written out in a waiver.
that’s iffy, im a guy. I most likely would, with a bit of hesitation. It truly depends on if I were in a serious relationship at the time or not. That could be a tangled mess of complications…
GREAT TOPIC!
my neighbors did just that. they each have half white/hispanic kids. the women are hispanic lesbians and they actually paid for anonymous sperm. star has a girl and candy has two boys. the kids are cute, too.
i always kid my husband and ask him if he would do that for our daughter. would he give his sperm to inseminate her girlfriend, this way the child comes out looking basically like her and my daughter. i tell my daughter to ask her girlfriends father, too.
everyone thinks im brilliant and kooky at the same time, but that’s me.
so yes, ask away and agree to some sort of agreement and waiver. i mean the worst that can happen, is him saying no..you only live once, so go for it!
what if they didn’t have money to do the “donation” and the gay person had to figure out how to ask for sex to get the sperm. it could be worse!
It would have to be a really good guy friend that I’d known for a very long time, who either didn’t want kids, or already had a family of his own. That is really a very complicated situation.
i would give you 5 stars for this topic, but it seems to have been disabled…blah.
I would ask him. I mean, we’d have to either be incredibly close friends, or complete strangers. They both have their ups and downs.
But if I knew he’d be okay with it, I don’t see why on earth not.
i could and would ask a guy to donate to me if i needed it… my maternal clock was ticking and had david and i not settled down i was considering going the same route as your friend.
I was friends with a guy once and I asked him if I could have his sperm if I became a lesbian or just never got married.
He felt honored that I would ask and agreed
That is all
I think I would rather go to the sperm bank. The situation would be wierd. However, I would not be embarassed to ask a friend if I didn’t think it would be wierd.
I think it would probably be very flattering to the man whom I was asking. So yes, I would certainly ask him.
I wouldn’t do it. This is my personal opinion, but I think it’s kind of dumb how people go to so much trouble just to have “biological” children. If I was in a situation where I couldn’t give birth for any reason, I’d adopt. Actually, I think I’d adopt even if I could have my own children. There are so many kids out there who need homes– can’t you love them just the same even if they don’t happen to share your genes? It baffles me to no end how women spend piles of money and go through so much pain for fertility drugs and artificial insemination and all that, when that money could just as well be spent on adopting a child who needs a family. I can understand that there’s a biological impulse of sorts that makes us want to bear our own children, but we should be able to recognize that for what it is and realize that it’s actually not that important.
I suppose what you could gain would be bigger than what you could lose. Maybe if I lost my fiance, I’d still want to have his child (or close to it) and would ask his gay brother for some sperm…
They should have that new surgery done where two women can use their genetic material to have a baby girl. If they want a boy… then they’re screwed. lol.
i would ask for a sample, and then once he was gone, get the turkey baster out and self inseminate.
I’ve heard of people actually doing this and conceiving…no joke.
I wouldn’t have a problem because I’d never be lesbian. If I wanted to get pregnant, I’d marry my BF and have his kids.
No, that is against my beliefs.
I wouldn’t have the guts to ask.
i dont think i would ask a friend, although i think i am close enough with some that they wouldnt have a problem helping me out. just personally i would think it would just be weird if they grew up looking just like my friend….eerie..
This question would require alot of thought, and would depend on the situation
Sure I would ask. If he’s a friend the least he can do is listen to you and say, “No”.
I wouldn’t want to donate sperm or an egg (since I don’t actually have sperm) to anyone I knew. That would be totally weird. Now to someone I don’t know…well, I wouldn’t donate then either. Probably. I don’t know if I really believe in that whole artificial insemination thing. *shrug* Just go get a foster kid, guys. Really. Or adopt. It’s probably about the same cost.
My daughter had children that she put up for adoption. Being raised as I was, I would have hoped that she would have kept them and they could be members of my family. I understand her decission though, and seeing pictures of how healthy they are, and the people who are raising them, and the joy they have of having children they can call their own makes me think that it was worth it. I think most people deserve the right to become parents(if they are mentally, emotionally and financially stable) and if another can make it happen, it would be nice:)
Not no, but HELL NO
NEVER IN MY WHOLE FUCKEN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would certainly donate.
I have to ask though, are they just asking him to put it in a jar for them or to actually fertilize one of them?
I don’t think I could (ask a male friend for his sperm). The situation would be too awkward for me.
you know what… if you choose to be lesbian… choose to either adopt or not get the privilege of sperm… you cant have the perks without the downs… selfish women…
Lebians can’t adopt? That would get rid of the whole sperm/no sperm problem.
Yeah, I would ask.
Isn’t there a different kind of insemination-type procedure where they make artificial sperm from the bone marrow of one of the women and use that?
Or is this an experimental thing still?
Sure I’d ask him. Maybe blush a bit, but I’d do it.
no
It would have to be a really close friend…if I was a guy I am not so sure that I could so easily give up my DNA…
this is a bad idea methinks. the emotional issues are too deep to touch.
geesh things would be a lot easier if you were straight!!! if i seriously asked that from a guy, he would say something like, “wouldn’t it be easier if we had sex?” no i couldn’t ask that from a guy. if he was a really good friend and if indeed that interested him, then she should not have a problem to ask him.
So….how was he interested if she didn’t ask for his sperm?
If he was my friend, like close friend, yeah I’d have no problem.
Esspecially if I was a lesbian…which I’m NOT