June 18, 2007
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Privacy and the Internet
I received this post idea from http://www.xanga.com/pseudoecho
“I just downloaded this type of software on the computer my two girls use. They’re 12 and 13. It takes screenshots of all the sites they’ve been to, monitors keystrokes, passwords, chat logs, basically everything they do on the computer.
Do you feel this is a violation of their privacy or do you side with the parents who use this software as a means to protect their children from viewing adult sites, pedophiles, etc?”Does it violate a child’s privacy for a parent to install monitoring software?
Comments (208)
Wow! Another new post
Depends on how much you trust the child, but I would think that it’s leaning toward violation of privacy.
the girls are 12 and 13…I’d say that’s young enough to monitor them still.
Kids shouldn’t have an expectation of privacy with their parents.
I don’t think the parents are violating their privacy…especially at such a young age. Parents are to protect and teach their children.
Violation of privacy simply because I wouldn’t want my parents hovering over every single keystroke and password I change on the computer. However, if the parent feels they want to protect their child that way, it’s their decision. I still feel that if the child is trustworthy, it shouldn’t be a problem because the parents should have raised them with good judgment.
Monitoring is ok…but you have to let them know you are doing it!
I think it is a parent’s responsibility to monitor all of their children’s activities to keep them safe. For some kids, it may mean using a program like this. Our family keeps the computer in a “public” area where hubby & I could view what the kids are seeing at any time. At this time I don’t use an extra program, but could view the history, etc.
hell yeah i think thats f-ed up
i look at porn
i expect my kids are looking at porn
and i’d rather not know whether they’re doing it -_-
Yes, it does. Luckily, most kids these days are much more tech savvy than their parents. My mother could never install anything like that without my eventual knowledge.
If a parent is concerned about their 12 and 13 year old children looking at adult sites, there is a big problem. I think it’s a huge violation of privacy. Sounds like a bit of a trust issue to me.
I think that if you trust that you’ve raised your children right, you don’t need that shit. It’s the crappy parents that need that kind of monitoring. Just my opinion. My parents raised me and my brother so that they are not afraid of us being online alone. I’m 19, and my brother is 13. They taught us internet safety and put rules in place. Guess what? Neither of us has had a problem with a pedophile.
Yes, it invades your child’s privacy.
Not at all. It’s less about trust in your child as it is about trusting other internet users.
Yes.
depends on the age- 12 and 13..i think they’re young enough to be monitored.
also depends on their maturity…
psssh. some ADULTS should be monitored
The words privacy and Internet should never be used in the same sentence. I also have to wonder: did the 12 and 13 year olds buy the computer? Do they pay the Internet bill? The electric bill? Exactly.
I’m interested to see the responses to this questions broken down by age.
Children don’t have real privacy, and its not as if they bought the computer. The parents are monitoring their own property and doing their job as parents. Any parent who gives childern, private access to the internet, is one piss poor parent.
Children have no privacy. If you’re living in my house, I own your butt. I can monitor anything and everything I choose, because you’re in my house, with my rules. Once you earn my trust, you can have some more freedom, but until then, I’ll do as I please with the stuff I let you have/use.
(I’m only 16, so I have no kids, but what the heck
)
This kind of thing isn’t necessary if you know you raised your children well enough not to view adult websites or talk to any strangers.
It is not the site’s fault, it’s the child’s decision of allowing this to happen.
I don’t like it and I don’t want my privacy invaded. Thank you.
As a parent, I would rather know what my kids are looking at on the internet, but I definately agree with Joycemom4 about keeping an eye on them in a public area rather than installing software to monitor keystrokes. By the time my kids are that age they will probably be a lot more competent with the computer than I could hope to be.
Since the kids are 12 and 13, i think it should be okay since the intent is reasonable. But i am not exactly all up for this software though, young or not, the kids deserve rights to privacy.
IF, the parents were to see the kids doing something ‘wrong’ online, i think it will be quite awkward to open up the discussion on what they are doing is wrong. The kids might deny if parents should approach the issue directly, and when parents come clean that they have installed a software to log their every action, i don’t think the kids will be that pleased.
justtheway_youare
Your not a child but you parents are screwing up with your bother. What are the chances that he has not been to the barnyard love site yet? There is a lot more bad stuff on the net than just pedophiles. Not that they are not bad enough
I think every keystroke is a bit extreme. And wouldn’t it take a lot of time to review all that information? If they’re going to use it, the kids definitely have to know.
I agree with some of the others who’ve commented; if they’ve brought their kids up with the right ideals it shouldn’t be a problem anyway.
it’s definitely a violation of privacy, and i agree with the people who said that it’s an issue of trust.
And who said the parent are hiding the fact that they monitor the computer. If they are, they should be honest about it. It is their right to watch their childern, they should not be shy about it.
Some parents just don’t tell their children that they are monitoring them. My parents were like this to me and my brother. I’m pretty open to what websites I go to, who I talk to on myspace, etc.
trunthepaige – There’s a thing called a “history” on your computer, and my parents are competent enough to check that. The computer’s in the living room, and my brother goes to bed before my parents (and stays in bed…).
I’ve been allowed on the computer without constant adult supervision and without ridiculous monitoring since I was 11. I do not think they are screwing up my brother by giving him the same opportunity. It’s sad that parents that are competent are looked down on because they trust that they raised their children right. Yes, my father does check the history on my brother’s sign in and on mine. No, he has not found anything objectionable. So, looks like they were right in trusting us…
The best way to handle internet safety is to explain it to the children (no, don’t leave internet safety to the schools) and to keep the computer in a public place in the house.
Anyone that truest a 12 year old to away do the right thing is one a fool. A 12 year old is still a child they make mistake they and sometime they openly defile the will of there parents. Its the real world, total blind trust of a 12 year old is really just not being a good parent. Ether that or you live in a fantasy world were 12 year olds, are fully grow mini adults.
Parents have the right to monitor their kids’ activity. That’s part of good parenting.
No, paige, I must live in a fantasy world where my parents actually raised my brother and I to be responsible individuals. Lock ‘em up! They’re contributing to society!
Unless those 12 and 13 year olds in Dan’s posts are maniacs, I don’t see why their parents have to have access to every single keystroke. My mother knows my brother’s passwords, because he told them to her. He also knows that that’s just for safety and checkups. There is no need to record a child’s every keystroke, and the internet history records websites visited.
wow;in my opinion,it is definitely a violation of a child’s privacy. i believe parents and children should try and build a trusting relationship, which has to begin at some point in life where the child is given freedom. basis and boundaries may be set by the parents, but then they should leave it to their children to develop this bond. Of course discretion may always be used in terms of different children and their behavior. But overall, if the kids have not displayed any reason to distrust them; then this software is over the top and offensive.
ABSOLUTELY.
Well — I don’t know…
I think a better way would be to sit with your younger children and visit the internet together. Talk to them about what sort of information is dangerous to give out online and that sort of thing.
If your computer is located in your family room or living room, then walk by occasionally and see what your child is looking at. Ask questions like: Who are you talking to online (if they IM someone), etc.
Don’t let your children have access to the internet in their bedroom. It should be out in the open where you can see what they are doing.
It seems sort of sneaky to use software to monitor your kids. I think it is better to keep the lines of communication open with them. If they think you are spying on them, they may not open up to you. Besides, what would stop them from visiting sites online at the library if they feel they have no privacy at home?
Your parent monitored you by keeping the computer in the living room and reading the internet history. Please saying that a keystroke monitor is a bad thing and reading the internet history is fine is well is a little less than honest. That is the same thing.
Not that histories can not be deleted and keystroke monitors can be turned off as well. I’m a computer newb and i know this. Your parents did the lest trusting thing of all. They put the computer in the living room. Instead of a software monitor they personally did the monitoring. They are good parents.
well I think you should tell the children it’s there… I think parents should be up front w/ their kids they WILL be monitoring what they do…
while trusting your child is ideal- trust is something to be earned, until that trust is earned and established and the children know how to navigate the internet according to the house rules, monitoring on some level is fair
as a parent i do not appreciate society trying to usurp parental rights for governing our children- the whole “it takes a village” mentality is screwy… I gave birth to my child ergo I will take the responsibility to raise MY child as I deem profitable to their being. PERIOD.
HELL YES.
especially if you’re keeping it a secret.
if my parents did that to me, i would never trust them at all, it would just make me a worse kid.. it would be like reading my diary.
the us government should install that into all of its citizen’s computers.
Histories can be deleted and still accessed. I’m…too good at computers for my family’s good. I would find out about gifts beforehand by checking the history…
I don’t think placing the computer in the livingroom showed a lack of trust at all. It was most convenient for everyone in the family. Until I went away and got my laptop, we had one computer, and no better place to put it. Any of the bedrooms would have made the comp. disappear…
Read internet safety guidelines: most will recommend placing a computer in a shared family area.
Can I be a case in point? I was raised in ways I would not raise my own children but a lot of the things my parents did for me worked. When I was 13 I specifically sought out pornography on the computer. In the early days of the internet in 1991 that was aol and bbses.
I came into contact with some people who were delighted to find a 13 year old looking for porn in a chat room. I chatted it up with some truly creepy people. But because of how I was raised, even though I was a 13 year old horn-dog it was never very interesting to even consider going beyond chatting and actually meeting some of these cretins.
Parents need to raise their children to be aware and be savvy. At 13 I had no interest in anyone but my friends. Oh, and porn. Even though I came into contact with parents worst nightmare, my upbringing didn’t have me falling into the trap I would regret later.
When I have kids, I am going to make them aware and arm them with esteem and street smarts. Parents who want to monitor every keystroke and log every chat are way overdoing it. You can’t get rid of predators, I assume there are more born daily but you can arm your kids against them. I wouldn’t need this software, there would be little secrecy in my home, and I think my family to be would be far better off in the long run. If you leave something alone and watch from afar to see if it will crash and burn?
It will.
My Mom says children have no privacy rights and that all parents have a right to look at what they want.
It’s annoying and unethical. Didn’t they want privacy when they were kids? I think parents need to understand demands of the child and how they were like as children to make a promising compromise on what’s looked at and how often it’s looked at.
If I insulted anyones parents, I did not intend to do that. that would just be wrong of me.
No. That’s just good parenting.
My teenaged daughters would be PISSED if they found out we had that software on the puter.. Of course, if we had in installed they would be well aware and if they decided to make bad choices anyway.. then it’s fair game.
RYC: Sometimes we need to hear the things we dont always want to..and it’s all good.
Personally, I think it’s alright to some levels. Taking screenshots of every page seems a little over the top. The internet is used for support sometimes. What if the child is going through something they are not ready for their parents to know?
No matter how “well” you’ve raised your kids, there are always going to be outside forces influencing them. They could find some kid from school who knows about a porn site and go home to check it out – it’s not your fault, you didn’t raise them wrong – they’re kids and they’re curious.
I don’t think this monitoring thing is a good idea, unless you tell the child ahead of time. I think it’s very much an invasion of privacy if you’re doing it and NOT telling them about it. But, if you tell them about it, it gives them an opportunity to behave. Everyone has secrets they don’t want their parents to know, and they’re not always earth-shattering. So, give your kids some space.
It depends on how technically savvy they are. If they’re very savvy, I say no, but I doubt that with a 12 and 13 year old.
yeah that seems like a little too much, i mean i’m all for monitering for child safety but that seems too much
I once heard an old man say that, “sharing computers with children is like sharing underwear.”
PLEASE PLEASE DO INSTALL PROTECTION (and tell your kids about it, of course) SO MANY CRIMES COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED: ABUSE, KIDNAPPING OR MURDER. Talk to your children and watch your own habits concerning privacy and safety. Some european parents developed quite good safety rules and tested different safety software. Teenage kids feel tempted to disable the safety locks and it turns out to be a kind of family challenge. Trust is good, protection is vital.
it’s for their own safety. besides, what have they to hide?
It can be..
like if a parent goes and reads they’re XANGA!!
12 and 13 year-old girls probably do not masturbate. Case closed
Yes, it violates their privacy and I hope the parents keep it up.
Haha. Trun said newb
It can be used the wrong way, but generally I don’t think it is a bad thing.
Yes. That’s quite a extensive list of things they are monitoring. How can a kid learn, if he can’t make mistakes? Never mind that they will never be able to keep anything from their parents. Guess that kinda blows the secret they were keeping about the Father’s Day gift, huh?
NO- it is not a violation and privacy.
If I pay for the computer, the electricity, the house, etc., then I can do what I wish with it. If they are good kids, there shouldnt be anything to hide. Not only that- when they are old enough to work, and spend their own money, and make grown-up decisions, then they can do what they’d like.
Why do so many people act like kids have those rights? They are PRIVILEDGES. Do we have to be mean to our kids? NO. But- parents usually want the best for their kids, they want to be assured that the children are ok- and adding a tracking devise to the computer in order to have that assurance is definitely not a bad thing.
It really depends on the child(ren). My Parents trust me when I am online, even though the computer is in a closed office/guest room. And normally, the door is shut. They know that I know what sites I can visit, and what site’s I can’t. If you think your girls would visit bad sites, then it’s a good idea. However, you can block sites that have certain things on it, or chatrooms or boards where people talk. Personally, even though I am 17 (and maybe that’s why.) I don’t like my Parents looking over my head reading what site I am on, or what I am typing. I am a very private person. But, your girls are younger. I guess you should go by how much you can trust them. (And others that they might be talking with.)
Does it violate the parent’s privacy when the kids interrupt their already infrequent episodes of sex?
News flash for ryoma136
Girls are a little different than guys. We don’t need pictures for our sexual fantasies. Usually they just get in the way of our wonderful imaginations.
Paige…that might qualify under TMI…lol.
it’s for their own safety. besides, what have they to hide?
<LI class=itemtimestamp>6/18/2007 10:03 PM
<LI class=itemsubmitter>Coffey (message)
With me, I don’t have anything to hide, but I still like my privacy. And I think that every Parent should give their kid SOME privacy. Still check stuff out, but I think what was mentioned above was a WAY over protective site. But, they are young still. I still think it’s over doing it.
12 and 13 year olds don’t need privacy on the internet.
only up to a certain point; i think under a reasonable age it is a great idea for parents to monitor their children’s online actions so closely.
after a while you have to trust them enough to cut the cord, though.
Perfect. They don’t need a computer, they can just go into the bathroom when it’s convenient. Case closed
Heck no. I agree that parents should go ahead and tell their kids that they’re monitoring their computer activity. Parents monitor what their children watch on t.v. They monitor who their kids are hanging out with (well, the little ones anyway). They try to see that they eat foods from every food group. Of course they should be careful that their kids aren’t getting into trouble with the internet. However, I take a much more low-tech approach. There’s one computer in the house, and it’s in the den, where I can see it.
There are no privacy rights for minors as far as I’m concerned. If a pedophile can stalk them why can’t a parent ‘monitor’ them at the same time? Since when does a child’s safety take a back seat to their privacy? They should be experiencing privacy in other aspects of their lives, just not on the web.
I would say that’s probably not right, though I would be more likely to get such software to keep MYSELF off bad sites, by letting others watch where I go.
Paige, I agree with what you have said here completely. Now, shouldn’t you be getting ready for something?
rather be safe…than find your child raped and dead on the side of the road
Only if the child bought the computer.
Not if they are your kids and live in your home…it is the right of the parent and I think it is something a responsible parent should do.
keystrokes? passwords? what if they have a… xanga? and then you have access to their personal thoughts… thats horrid… what kind of parent? maybe you should just raise a kid that you trust… maybe they can learn trust through example… starting with you…
I think that instead of monitoring a child obcessively, parents need to take the steps to teach their children what they should and shouldn’t see by making responsible choices. Of course, anyone knows they won’t pick up on the idea right away but they’ll learn and become more responsible adults.
My parents never had any problem with me being online. When we first got my computer when I was 12 years old, and it asked if he wanted to set up a child block on AOL, he said no, cuz he trusted me.
I have my password saved on my computer (meaning all I have to do is click sign-on; no password needed) so that my parents can access it if they ever are suspicious, but I have nothing to hide, cuz my parents actually raised me well. They know I’m not hiding anything, because if I WAS, then I would have a it password protected. I would’ve been really upset if my parents had monitored me behind my back. The kids should at LEAST know about it.
And also… if the parent is concerned about what the child sees… guess what? They’re either gonna see it at someone else’s house or they’re gonna hear about it at school. No child is safe from that kind of stuff these days.
Being a teenager, i think its an invasion of privacy. I’m not doing anything bad like talking to pervs on the internet, and i’ve offered to my mother to see my myspace, xanga, etc. But i’d be pretty pissed if she installed a software thing that tracks myeverymove. And i’d probably uninstall it and throw a huge fit.
Thankfully, my mom trusts me. Obviously the mother of these kids doesn’t trust her kids. I mean, yeah, they are 12 and 13, but they’re not stupid. Guess what OMFG. people under 20 can actually think for themselves. I know, right? Crazy!!
But maybe 12 is okay, but 13 its getting kind of stupid.
yes, but the parents should do it anyhow.
Privacy is very biologically necessary for children, as it is for most people. Personal space is required, and when it is violated, hate and distrust forms. What a way to build a relationship between your kids.
Thats crazy!
Honestly, if your that worried- look over there shoulder a little. Put some real effort into it.
This is a privacy matter.
I dont do anything really bad on the internet except cuss a little here or there, but Id still rather not have them snooping around. It’s just the fact of the matter- its a voilation of privacy.
Parents who does this sounds like a little bit over protected of their children and maybe even control freak. Kids need their own privacy and room to grow like any human. Instead, parents should reach out to their children and make them feel they have special bond where they can trust each other and be open.
Seems a little extreme to me, though I understand where the parents are coming from..
okay, wow. it’s one thing to install filters to prevent your kids from going to age-inappropriate sites but jesus! if i was 12 or 13 and i knew my parents were reading all of my chats with my friends and logging my passwords so they could later hack into my personal sites! even if i had nothing ‘bad’ to hide, it’s still my life! 12 and 13 year olds are most likely into adolescence, and it is ridiculous for a parent to demand that much intimacy into their teenagers’ lives.
It’s not only a violation of privacy, it’s also a practice that will backfire as the kids resent it, seeing it -instinctively, but none the less correctly – as an attack on the process of growing up. About 12 or 13 is the age at which children start to transit from being “children” to young adults, both physically and mentally, and this occurs whether one approves of it or not.
Just as a point of interest; is there any type of software that can be set to prevent kids from viewing evangelist websites? I have heard that there are international networks of these people, who are a law to themselves, and will band together to protect each other from legal retribution. I’m also told they have great powers of charm, which can easily influence the susceptible minds of young people, who they groom with a view to recruiting more of their kind.
Safety first.
I think that if a child is horrible enough that you cannot trust them and have to moniter their every mood, you may as well follow them everywhere they go. It’s like eavesdropping on a phone call.
I’m sorry to break it to you guys, but 12 and 13 year olds are people too, and as annoying as they are (and dear GOD are they annoying), they aren’t the dumbest people in the world.
If a parent does not trust their child by the time they reach 13, there are a lot more problems than just the internet.
Besides, if you find a pedophile, you’re either talking in chatrooms or giving your address out on myspace. Both of which are dumb.
I don’t think so.
no. as long as they are under my roof and on my computer, using my internet, it is not an invasion.
Keystrokes? Passwords? Chat logs?
Definitely an invasion of privacy.
Even if they’re talking about something completely innocent (like *boys*), to a teenage girl that’s not necessarily something they want their parents to be looking at.
Can’t you just install an adult-website blocker instead? This seems kind of extreme, and it’s only fair to let your child know if you’re going to monitor the computer this closely – UNLESS there are serious issues like you suspect he/she is sneaking out, doing drugs, or something like that. And if you did suspect something, the better idea would be to talk to your kid about it… just maybe… and use the Big Brother software as a last resort… >_<
if you think your kids are that stupid.
Just don’t let them chat until they’re old enough to know that if an adult shows them pictures of their naked body, they should tell the police.
Kids have limited privacy until they’re 18, and some even after that. Ultimately your kid is going to find a way to do something if they want to, it all depends on how well you taught them, and how well they’ve responded to what you’ve taught them. But monitoring computer use isn’t violating their privacy.
I agree with what most people have said.
I think if a parent raises their kids properly, then they wouldn’t need to snoop on them, because they wouldn’t be paranoid about their child doing the wrong thing online. It is an issue of trust.
♥
If you are living at home with your parents you should be suspect of any illusion of privacy especially when you are young and 13 still counts as young.
The parents have a right and responsibility to know what their kids are doing at least until the kid is 18 and no longer legally dependent. If the kids know about it then it could help keep them out of trouble.
As me being a ‘kid’ myself, I’d say definitely yes! If my parents can’t trust me enough that they have to use a monitoring software, I don’t know what to say..
It’s the same thing as parents reading a kid’s diary. The fact is that these girls are accessing and putting information on the internet, clearly a public forum. I think parents have every right to be able to know where their kids have been and what they’re doing online- just like they should keep up with where their kids are and what they’re doing in “real” life.
Yes, that is a violation if piracy. Installing antivirus software and software to filter out adult sites is one thing, but monitoring keystrokes and sites? Saving passwords? That is too much. Parents need to trust their children. This disgusts me.
*edit* It’s NOT the same thing as reading a kid’s diary.
Umm, yeah? What the hell is wrong with you? God I hate stupid parents…
No. The parents are held legally responsible so they have every right to look for accountability…
That’s a bit too much, IMHO.
Well, it doesn’t make my job any easier.
As far as I’m concerned, if you’re a minor, your parents can check out anything you’re doing. I was a good kid, but my parents checked up on me anyway. And that was up to their discretion. They didn’t hide the fact from me that they were doing it….but yeah.
If you’re a kid, it’s your parents’ job to take care of you. If they think that’s the best way to do it, then so be it.
I’d be pretty pissed if I were being snooped on with everything I do…everyone needs their privacy. It seems that kids who are more restricted are bound to go out and do worse things than parents would expect, like Christian kids….who knows what they do now!?!
yes it is. but then that’s also part of a parents job – to protect a child requires some degree of access to their private activities. When I was young enough for this issue, the main “bad” thing on the internet was porn. I’d hate to imagine the risks now, or how I’d deal with them as the adult in charge.
I think that being proactive and actually teaching your kids about internet safety is a better way to go. The only thing that will happen when those kids find out their every keystroke is being monitored is a backlash of secrecy and mistrust. Keeping the computer in a very public area, giving the kids limited amounts of computer time, and occassionally asking them what site they’re going to is probably a much better method of monitoring. At least this way the kids know you are there and watching them instead of not being honest with them and fooling them into thinking you trust them. And if your kid has enough common sense not to get into trouble on the internet, and never has before, then have the decency to trust them.
Hmm…Im 14 so yeah, I think that the stuff that moniters the IM logs and stuff is an invasion of privacy but I think knowing your kid checked their myspace would be ok.
A child is a child. I guess its fine. Maybe when they grow older stop doing those stuff. Instead start emphasizing on trust.
No…if they live under my roof, they do what I said…PERIOD.
Privacy violation. ):
They’re still young kids, but they’re old enough to start being trusted a little on their own.
I mean, I hafta say that. o__O They aren’t but a few years younger than I am.
I think the girls should be aware of the software being on the computer. Otherwise it feels too much like snooping to me.
Another option I like is having the computer in a very open area of the house, like the living room or kitchen, wherever there’s lots of people around usually. That alone will make the girls more aware of what they’re looking at and doing online.
that is totally a violation of privacy. im 16 && i would die if my parents did that. if your gonna keep the thing on there, at leats tell them.
Monitoring software is bullshit. Oh noez, my baby looked at porn. Now s/he is scarred for life!
Kids have privacy too. The home is not the workplace of children. Put the computer in the living room, and don’t be an ass so your children feel comfortable talking to you. DON’T install programs that TAKE SCREENSHOTS AND MONITOR KEYSTROKES.
All that says is, “Hi, kids. I don’t trust you.”
Nope, I think it’s a good thing. And it’s how my brother in law discovered his wife is having an affair. An added bonus!
sounds like a wonderful thing to me. where do I get one?
no. its protection. however, I think it is also important to tell them that the software is on the computer and have a frank discussion about why its on there- the dangers that are out there and also the way you want your daughters to behave on the internet.
RYC: Dan, having friends in practically every country in the middle east I have to tell you that you are sorely underestimating the impact. You don’t screw around with the women…
I think the parents should be upfront with their kids and their kids should get over it. That provides the kids with accountability. It also helps keep the kids from doing some incredibly stupid stuff that they wouldn’t see coming otherwise.
And for all of you who call it an issue of trust, how many 12 year olds would you trust to peruse the Internet without any restrictions or supervision? You can bring your kid up with the right ideals, but that doesn’t mean (s)he will always make the right decisions.
No, I’d say its taking responsibility. How many times do we have to see the specials on TV about online stalkers?
I have very mixed feelings about it. I’ve tried to write a comment, but I am torn about it.
I think the parents should do what they think is right. My parents “raised me right” but I still didn’t necessarily listen to their wisdom as I got older. Part of that is finding your own way and making your own mistakes, but I was still living in their house and was still a minor. So they had every right to correct me. Except that they didn’t know what I was doing, so they didn’t correct me. And now, I wish they would have. I say, more power to these parents.
Yes. BUT Your children need to be protected from PREDATORS. Until your children are old enough to fend for themselves, it is important to violate their privacy in this instance.
Children have no privacy.
No one has any privacy. Get over it.
Thinking that you need to have privacy is a very bad thing.
It depends on how smart their children are. If their children do not know about the “history” tab or how to automatically save chat logs, then why download a software to spy on your every child’s move? Passwords are something that meant to be private. What if the child has an online journal? He/she wouldn’t want their parent reading it. If the child has been having a conversation with someone who they shouldn’t be talking to, you can check the saved chat logs. If they’re visiting inappropriate sites, check the history. There’s really no need to watch EVERY SINGLE MOVEMENT.
But if your child knows how to delete this stuff then download the software and spy on their asses.
I understand the parent’s perspective of wanting protection and monitoring passwords and sites is A.O.K. in my book. The only problem I have is with the chat logs.
Where AIM used to be that I could have personal conversations with my friends and discuss my problems and their solutions; now that my parents confessed they read EVERY IM I ever send, it’s turn to nothing but “blah blah” chitchat.
There is no such thing as privacy in the modern age.
In my opinion a child’s privacy while they are underage is minimal. Until my children are of legal age they are my responsibility. I hope to build a trusting relationship with both of them, but if I feel they are entering into something that just isn’t safe (i.e. certain sites on the Internet) then I have no problem installing such software. Especially if they are still living under my roof. They can have full privacy when they are an adult and out of my house. Until then, certain rules apply…
A child has no right to privacy, no more than any adult has. Privacy is not in the constitution or any amendment. It isn’t in scripture, either. Its just BS. Evil is darkness and it cannot stand to be exposed to the light. To keep a child in the light is to preserve their life, their very soul. To protect them is our greatest responsibility. That’s my 2 cents!
There is no need for privacy. Every teen that commented on this site commented about their “violation of privacy” and the fact that they “would just die” if they knew their parents were keeping track of the websites/keystrokes.
That is exactly why parents need the use this software or keep the computer in an open area. Teens are in no way fully in control of their emotions, thoughts, and decisions. And if you do raise a very mature kid, then he/she shouldn’t have a problem with the software.
I routinely use software monitoring. I recently had to change my 17 year old son’s settings because I notice him deleting files and cookies. If he doesn’t want me to see it, it is probably something he shouldn’t be looking at. He is a child, forming his values and priorities. It is not just my right, but my responsibility to help him develop into an adult who God will be proud of. I plan to liberalize the settings when he is an adult.
This kind of software is very interesting. It will generate so much information that the parents are likely to get overloaded with it and actually make their monitoring of their children’s online habits much more difficult.
I think monitoring is okay, but at the same time, every keystroke, screenshot? That seems excessive. I’d hate if my parents did that, because I think you’ve got to have a certain level of trust with your kids. We like to be trusted. If you trust us, we’re less likely to do something wrong. Also, some parents get weird about the littlest things. Let your child have some freedom if you do plan on monitoring him/her. (For example, I’m fifteen. I have a myspace, but that’s no big deal with my parents because my profile is private and I only friend people I know from school)
Parent to dissaproving child: “You are not 18. You are still taken care of. You don’t have any privacy. If you want privacy, get a job and your own place.”
Oh, yeah.
Who cares if it violates the children’s privacy on the computer? They’re freakin’ kids. They need supervision and protection until they get older and more responsible!
It’s happened to me
Yes, violation of privacy. O_O I would stop speaking to my father (He’s the computer-literate parent) if he did that, even if I had nothing to hide. (I’ve already told him that I do keep chat logs, but he can have fun going through them; they’re some of the longest files on our computer)
I have no problem with this, as long as they are aware they are being monitored. It’s not an invasion of privacy if it’s not really private.
I am 14, and I wouldn’t mind. It feels nice because I know that my dad is trying to protect me. I think ‘Loving Family’ and not ‘GOSH I HATE THIS FREAKING OVERPROTECTIVE FAMILY’.
I think the problem is that it monitors chat logs and everything – even 12 year olds need to be able to talk to their friends without their parents reading every word. I think the kids should know about the program, it should only be used in extreme cases, and the better way to deal with internet use is to talk to the kids and promote trust on both sides of the relationship.
No, but parents have to be careful not to be overly intrusive and controlling.
my mom used to read all the internet conversations that my sister had with this one friend of hers who was in college and then my mom would like try to be his friend too or pretend to be her online or email him and i thought that was the most creepy and wrong thing ever.
YES!
I mean, it’s stealing passwords and all. If you don’t want your kid to view the sites, block them, but monitoring won’t solve the problem. They will still be able to look at the sites, you’ll just find out about it later on.
Excuse my French, but HELL no!
I have 5 kids and the eldest two are hitting puberty. Yes, I will limit and monitor their time online. I will, and do, this to protect them. This will protect them from themselves as well as from online predators. Yes, children and teenagers, especially teenagers do need some privacy. But you still have to keep them on a tight leash in some areas. The hardest part, I think, will be knowing when and how much of the ‘leash’ to let go as they get older and more mature. I’ve only just recently gotten to point where I’ve realized they don’t need 24/7 monitoring just to make sure they don’t hurt themselves!
It’s scary and enlightening caring for children.
Yes, it does!
I think it’s a load of crap. If you have an intelligent child, you shouldn’t have to monitor everything they do. My dad has that on the computer, and I can say that I’ve never been in any trouble for what I do, even when I didn’t know that it was there.
I’d say.. if you’re being sneaky about it, it’s wrong. It’s kind of creepy to be able to read all of your kids emails and chat conversations, especially if they have no idea that you’re able to do so. Be a regular parent and just check the history.
It is an issue of trust. You should be able to trust your kids, and they should be able to trust you not to invade their privacy. It is a terrible feeling to know someone has been reading your private things. You wouldn’t go into their room and read their journals or spy on them when they’re with friends, so why would you go to these lengths on the internet? For safety? Really?
For those who think privacy is evil, chill out! Everyone needs some space and time alone with no intruders. It’s perfectly natural to want privacy some of the time. I’m surprised at how many people think kids don’t need any privacy.
Um Hell no its not invasion of Privacy. Kids dont have those rights until they are 18 and even then, if they are living under their parents roof, those rights still dont exist to the fullest.
Im sorry but people need to stop treating kids like they are grown folk and know whats good for them.
I can tell you right know, I monitor my kids internet usage and I dont let my son just click around to whereever.
Kids should not give predators the chance to be contacting them. If the kid was not on a chat site in the first place (especially ones made for adults) then the predator would not have it so easy to contact them.
i understand wanting to know where a kid goes on the internet, but monitoring keystrokes??? that’s bordering on extreme. it’s only showing that the parents have no trust in their children, and that cannot make for a healthy relationship. they should at least try and have a talk with children about responsible internet use first.
My 11 year old cousin sent me pictures of boys kissing, and giggled. She said, “I think they’re called Gay.”
I asked her where she got them, and she said a friend from school sent them to her.
I wish her parents would put forth the effort to monitor what she is seeing. I have no clue what else her friends could have sent her.
hell no! I plan on doing the same thing. what if (God forbid) the child decides to meet a “friend” online and it turns out to be a kidnapper? You’d know who it was, when, where, and can give it all to the police.
My kids won’t have that luxury of freedom until they’re 18. Even if they “prove” responsibility… I remember what it was like to be that age. My house, my rules, and my job as a parent to keep track of what they’re doing. I never told my parents anything once I hit 13. They’re so lucky I was never abducted or anything like that. I don’t want to deal with that.
actually, this is illegal.
NOPE! Please tell me where do I get this software?
Yes, it’s invasion or privacy.
Of course not everbody has computer access at home even now (I imagine most people must in this day and age)
But I sure hope that your daughters at least KNOW this is there Watching them, because if they don’t it’s not watching it’s Spying. . .which is definitely not right.
I think that 12 and 13 is too old to be monitored. When I was 12 and 13 I was only allowed to get on the computer while my parents were home. We still had dial-up and they didn’t want the phone line tied up if I was home alone (which was VERY rare). Now we have high speed and I get on when ever I want. I have a computer in my room. They always sneek up on me. I hate it. They want to know what I am doing, but that isn’t gonna happen. I am not doing anything bad, but I don’t want them looking at my myspace or reading my xanga. Not happening.
My mother has always trusted me online. She respects my privacy- she doesn’t listen in on my phone calls, read my blog, or have keystroke logging software on the computer. She knows how to check the history and I suspect that she does from time to time, but there is no reason to have to monitor a kid’s every move. The 12 year old, I can see that- she’s probably too young to understand pedophiles. I’m 16, I know if someone messages me asking for my boob size that he’s a creepo. Odds are, a 12 year old will know that too. It’s definitely an invasion of their privacy. Instead of spying, why don’t you sit down and talk with your children about internet safety? It will do much better in the longrun than spying on their every move.
ha ha, I just realized it wasn’t you that was saying this but the pseudo guy. Which makes sense come to think of it, since I think it’s boys you have, not girls. . .
Every keystroke is a bit extreme. What if some kids vent about things they don’t want their parents to know about on their Xangas and their parents end up hacking in? That would suck.
I think firewalls and filters and internet security settings should take care of sites that you don’t want your kids to go to.
I think parents need to freakin’ TALK to their children more and be near them more often. When kids are told repeatedly about the dangers of strangers and the internet, it’ll come back to them later. I never needed any software – my parents told me and gave me strict boundaries (and the reasons behind the boundaries), I used common sense, and I was fine. And for that matter I didn’t have my own computer or internet access in my room. That’s ridiculous that these pre-teens already have laptops and cell phones. They don’t need them, nor are they responsible enough, but I don’t think we need to breath down their necks either. If you want them to make good decisions, somewhere down the line you need to trust them to make their own minor mistakes.
I like the word “‘protect’your children” there. It would be more like “prevent”; if your children are viewing inappropriate sites or saying inappropriate things on the internet, they’re doing it by their own choice. Thus, I think the question is whether or not it is a good idea to go to this length to control what you children see, say and do at an age where they are begin to want independence. Personally, I wouldn’t. Seems like that would just blow up in your face.
I’m glad neither bda16981 or perseyownz raised me. I was always trusted on the internet, and well, everywhere. Maybe because I earned that trust? And because of that, I have never been rebellious towards my mom or my grandparents. I don’t feel the need to hide things from them. And as far as perseyownz, if you’re afraid that a 13-year-old won’t tell you everything, controlling them so that they don’t feel comfortable and trusted with you will certainly stop that.
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to attack, but I know that if I had ever been raised in an environment like that, I just wouldn’t have turned out well. I would have rebelled like crazy. But that’s just me.
Parents should absolutely be able to monitor any child who’s living under their roof, at any age. If parents are still paying the bills, paying for the computer and the Internet, and the child is still dependent on the parent for these things and is expected to abide by parental/house rules, especially those that are to keep them safe, then a parent absolutely has the right to know what’s going on with their child. Even if you teach them the right things, they will often stumble into something that’s over their head, and they WILL screw up and make mistakes and disobey from time to time, no matter how good the parenting. Keeping my kids safe is my responsibility, no one elses, and at 12 or 13, kids aren’t responsible enough yet to completely stay away from things they shouldn’t go near…Some kids are more responsible and conscientious than others, but parents can’t be ignorant, either.
I think its perfectly alright. Most of the people objecting are teens themselves or are twenty-somethings who don’t have kids that age. I know if I had had the internet when I was their age I would have been using to get into mischief.
Afterall you ARE the parent. And to say good kids don’t get into mischief, or are tempted to break rules is just isn’t true.
We trust, but we verify.
Kids don’t have a right to privacy.
I think kids should be allowed to change their own diapers, because if they soil themselves and the parents see it their self-esteem may be lowered and they could potentially become terrorists. But who am I to force my beliefs on someone else?
Yes. Can you sayy control freaks? I know there are a lot of bad things on the net but come on. Leave them SOME privacy.
That’s a major violation of privacy. By the time a kid is 12 and 13 years old, they know right from wrong. But they only know it because it’s what they’ve been told. If they constantly have someone over their shoulder, how are they going to learn to use their own discretion. Sure, you should know whether your kid is going off to meet someone off the internet, but they should know to tell you.
I depends on how much the parent trusts the child I guess. When I was 12 or 13 years old, my parent’s just made sure I was off Myspace and stuff like that. I think it’s sort of invading the kid’s privacy though.
that is kewl if i had kids i use that program too.
Children don’t have a right to privacy. They’re 12 and 13. They are using the computers in the home of their parents (not their own private residences), and the computers they are using belong to their parents (I doubt a 12 and a 13 year old can afford to purchase their own). It would be same as you using the computer at your job, your school, and your local library. They have a right to monitor what websites you use because you are in their space and they are putting the computer there for YOUR use. What you are allowed to use them for is limited by them. I think it’s important that parents go over the rules with their children. I also think that this guy did the right thing by taking every precaution to take care of his children. There are lots of dangerous people out there. Just read the news, check out your local sex offender database, and http://www.perverted-justice.com/. They’re not playing around!
If you have had previous problems with your child, and thats your last straw, then fine. But just to be a nosey parent…no way. You should bring your children up with values, which would mean they would be trustworthy.
There are ways to restrict what your child has access to. You don’t have to spy on them. I really don’t condone spying, and don’t agree with parents who say they can because it’s their house, blah blah blah. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I have kids, but I was never spied on. If you don’t trust your child, the software won’t help. You need to OMFG TALK TO YOUR KIDS and don’t let a program tell you about your own damn child. Christ.
Trust me, those girls know how to get around it if they wanted to.
That’s awful!
If those kids do go to a site they’re not allowed on and get caught, guess what? They’re just going to do the same thing some where else! If you tell a kid that they’re not allowed to play video games and for some reason they’re always over at their friend’s house, you probably just got out smarted by a 12 year old!
I think it’s around that age when you SHOULD start trusting your kids and give them some privacy. Because when they hit 16, 17, and 18, they’re going to hate your ass like you ran over their favorite puppy and didn’t even apologize!
Instead of just spying on your kids with software you paid $70 for, take the time to learn how to use a computer and just change the security and privacy settings on your browser. Any website with inappropriate stuff on it has to register as one. Your browser has the ability to block that site. Even more, if you just want your kids to have access to a handful of site, you can do that too. No need to spy, no need for not trusting, and no need to spend money!
Parents are scared and want to protect their children, I understand that. But you have to remeber, things aren’t the same as when you were brought up. If you love your kids, put in that extra effort and learn how to use a computer!
PS
I can tell you from experiance that by 12 I was already a computer wiz. My mom would take the mouse from me so I wouldn’t be on the internet so late. I learned how to operate the whole computer using just the keyboard. Why do you think there are arrow keys on your number pad??? Just incase you don’t have a mouse off course!
Who could blame parents for caring what their kids view on the internet? Other forms of media are bad enough but the internet has no protections unless parents actively set them. I also think it’s great because those chat forums can go bad REAL fast. Good for them!
It is totally acceptable under the condition that you do not check their private e-mails or read their IM conversations with their friends that you know…even reading IM convos in general is pushing it.
Well, from what I’ve gathered, you learn after the fact, kind of like closing the barn after the cows have run away. The time to monitor is before, not after, they go to the wrong sites. Developing a good rapport and a strong trust between parents and child is worth more than an alarm system.
which software did you use? my dad said that is on my computer, and i was just wondering if he really did have it, or he was just threatening me to make sure i didnt do anything bad…
if anyone knows how to check and see if i have one, I’d like it if someone emailed me about it.
Thanks!
If you install such software on a PC without the user knowing, it is a felony.
I know my pc inside and out. I built it. My parents tried that kind of software before.
I found it and killed it within an hour.
Most kids my age know how to do it within a day as well.
How invasive.
I side with the girls.
i am pseudoecho..the horrible one who put the software on the computer…
yes the software monitors websites, chat logs, passwords, etc..DOES NOT MEAN THAT I KEEP THEIR PASSWORDS AND READ THEIR PRIVATE THOUGHTS. i don’t use those features, other than knowing what sites my girls have visited. the software does all the above regardless of if i want it to or not.
i never have, nor would i EVER read their diaries.
i installed mainly to monitor the sites and to block those sites that are not for 12 and 13 year old eyes. if they end up viewing that crap at someone else’s house, i can’t stop that, but i CAN stop it from being viewed in MY home. MY home to which I pay the bills… i guarantee you that i will not be the parent that is called from another parent claiming my child watched a video of a teenager being raped by a man at MY home.
lets not forget they are children. and if the software is used with GOOD intention (not to be a snoopy parent), then how is that overprotective? how is that violating privacy?
Of course it does, but who cares. The child’s safety is more important than the child’s privacy. As a parent, it is your job to protct your child not be their best friend. I get so frustrated every time I hear a story of something happening to a child b/c of a website that they go to and the parents claiming they didn’t think their child was in danger.
No. And if it does, so what? Until they leave the house, Parents have all the right to violate their child’s privacy.
I think it’s hilarious when kids reach about 14 then try to hide things from their Mom or Dad.
Ha
Let’s look at things psychologically.
When providing reinforcement in order to train a child to not act a certain way, ratio schedules produce higher rates of responding than interval schedules. As well, variable schedules produce higher rates and greater resistance to extinction than most fixed schedules.
By creating a fixed schedule, in which the parent is always there, always watching, ready and able to punish every time, parents will likely find fixed schedules produce ‘post-reinforcement pauses’ (PRP), where responses will briefly cease immediately following reinforcement. However, should that reinforcement suddenly cease to exist (maybe the parent goes away for a weekend), then…
In this situation, by monitoring every single move the child makes online, instead of teaching them what to do, and trusting them to live, and possibly make their own mistakes, the parents set up a false dichotomy, and the child comes to depend on constant reinforcement and negative reinforcement to guide action, rather than some internal compass. So, unless the parent is willing to always be around, they are creating a far less than ideal springboard environment for which the child might grow into adulthood. Not a good idea.
Look, 12 and 13 year olds aren’t stupid. I think most kids have enough common sense to do what’s right and stay away from shady stuff.
It’s a trust issue and a violation of privacy.
haha…yeah, exactly what Davocrinator said. lol
“Children have no privacy. If you’re living in my house, I own your butt. I can monitor anything and everything I choose, because you’re in my house, with my rules. Once you earn my trust, you can have some more freedom, but until then, I’ll do as I please with the stuff I let you have/use.
(I’m only 16, so I have no kids, but what the heck )”
Invasion of privacy. I feel that the parent should only monitor at those extremes if they feel the child’s behavior has changed or become too aggressive or a cause for concern.
YES. plus its kind of creepy.
I think it’s dumb for parents to do that. Kids shouldn’t even have a computer in their room until they are old enough to buy one themselves. If parents are so concerned about their children on the internet, they should have a family computer in a room where everyone can access that. Most kids would be avoiding questionable sites when their dad can walk through the room and glance at what they’re doing.
In essence, it all falls back on the lack of parental responsibility. If you want to protect your child, don’t download software to do it. Become a parent.
Eek yes.
its definately a violation of privacy
when my main use of the internet is talking to friends through various sites i’d really rather not have my parents able to read every conversation, it just isnt right
why not build up their values, and try to trust them first~?
every kid expects getting trust and privacy from their parents~ including you and i, and it’s just like people hope others respecting them and giving them their own privacy~
give the kids a chance, and take it back if they ruined it~
these are what i’m thinking, sorry if it offense
spy away, that’s my motto.
As an over protective mother who may have raised some hell myself as a child I think that 13 is still young enough to be monitored. If you were still using the software at 18 and when your wife was on too…well that is a different story.
I believe that it is the parents right to know where their children go on the internet. If your child is trustworthy then they shouldn’t have a problem with this either. I’m still young and my parents trust me enough to not continuosly monitor me.
However, this particular program goes a tad bit overboard. It’s okay to know where your children have been, but this program is a little crazy. Even a 13 year old will feel special to have her own SECRET password. You have no right to take away what little feeling of freedom this might give them.
Jeez. These are the things that drive a child to hate their parents and wait for the day that they move out and become truly free.
Children have some right to privacy,I too feel that monitoring what they are doing is a violation of trust. It’s a given that 12 year old boys(and older) look at porn. It’s a given teens will talk to their friends about drug use. If you and your child have a good relationship,you should be able to go easy on them in situations you know will happen anyway. You should always make it known to them though what you approve and disaprove of, and always leave the door open to them to discuss things . Hopefully, both adults and children can learn to trust each other enough so that monitoring isn’t needed(there are some exceptions though, where monitoring might be a good idea, but it should be known that you are going to do it.)
not if the child is using the parents computer…I hate to say it but since it’s the parents computer…they can do that…if it’s their personal laptop or something – then no
but there are so many ways to get around that software anyway so it’s pointless…
At 12 and 13 they still do very stupid stuff and like a responsible parent I will monitor them and let them know. It continues until they no longer live under my roof. These rules may help to get them out of the house sooner too
I think it’s the parents decision…but I don’t like it, being a teen ^_^. Still, parents rules are rules.
I would like to know that I was being monitored though.
I absolutely side with any proactive measures that a parent would take on their own to protect their children online. Too often, so-called parents (and their lawyers) want to blame the companies that run websites and tv programming for not babysitting their children for them, instead of taking the initiative to do it themselves.
Total violation. Talk about trust issues. Plus, SCREENSHOTS?!?! As in, all of their emails will be read by there father!?! I would say stuff in my emails like, HI DAD!!!!!! Plus, if the guy is already suspicious of his daughter, he doesn’t need to have this damn program to catch her in the act or whatever–he just needs to have a conversation with her before things get out of hand. Either way the screenshots aren’t going to do anything except worsen their relationship. That is absolutely ridiculous.
Oh sorry, apparently she’s a mother, not a father doing this…Lol sorry, let’s pretend I didn’t do that.
I want to know what’s so wrong about adult websites..
I guess 12 and 13 is far too young to be viewing them,
but if I had a teenager and found out they had been viewing “adult” websites, I don’t think I would be mad.
I mean, come on, it’s bound to happen. Teenagers are naturally curious about sexuality, and themselves.
My parents have never monitored me on the internet, and I have never had problems with creepers and pedophiles and such.
I think it is an invasion — but I might do it once I have kids…..Does that make me bad? Maybe, but I never said I wasn’t.
)
I’m 13 and I think thats the most invasion of privacy ever.
Even if my parents found out I look at porn, what are they gunna say?
I hope that anyone who does that relizes what scum they are for not leaving their kids to their own bussiness.