August 20, 2007
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Regret
As I mentioned in my photoblog, the results of a recent study showed that married women were almost twice as likely to wish they had married someone else than men were.
The title of the article was “Why women regret their choice of spouse more than men.” But the article never answered why women were more likely to regret their choice than men. Here is the link: Link
Why do you think women are more likely to regret their choice in a spouse?
Comments (86)
No idea, but I recall hearing this on the radio a few weeks ago. I remember thinking, “That’s totally interesting.” Maybe because women think too much about stuff like this…and men just cheat? HAHAHA> I am sooo kidding. No need to stereotype. LOL.
I don’t know.
That doesn’t make sense. It’s always the woman begging for commitment. Maybe men lose their “edge” moreso than women as they age.
-David
The survey I had heard about said that if they could do it over, 30% of the women would NOT marry the same man. Honestly, I think that’s pretty sad. I mean, if they aren’t happy, why wouldn’t they either work on it or move on? It seems pretty pathetic to regret a marriage but not do anything about it.
What happens is that they learn how long 10 inches really is
Seriously it is more than likely the old belief about the grass being greener on the other side of the hill. And 10 inches in really 10 inches on that side of the hill, or so I have been told.
the man does not fulfill the woman’s emotional needs as well as he did in he beginning of the relationship.
will leave this one to the wisdom of women…
Because they thought that they could change the men and come to realize that what they are trying to fix was actually permanent damage .
It’s probably something biological. Like the need to reproduce many offspring or something, I don’t know.
Cuz women think too much.
1)Women have higher expectations.. a female, from the age of 5 dreams of her wedding day, of finding that “prince charming.” Guys want a wife, I think, but most of the time I think they are more into their dream career, money, travelling, a sport, etc.. but women, their whole life sometimes is rapped up into finding that someone perfect. And when they find out that someone isn’t perfect, when their expectations are shot down, they have regrets. (or)
2. Women are just more aware. I think they are more sensitive, more discerning, more emotionally impacted by the things going around them.. Most of the time women are emotional, and it doesn’t take THAT much to offend them, so if their husband over time becomes less more romantic and more colloused, more normal and not as caring, women get disapointed.
Or, guys just suck. I really don’t know.
Because women go into a relationship expecting the man to change and he doesnt…
Because after being married they found out about the real guy and not the one who was on his best behavior.
ehh…I think women just think too much.
I know I do.
a lot of the time the woman marries just to get out of her house. so, those who marry for that reason are typically not happy.
A lot of women think they can change their husband. Thing is, he won’t change unless he wants to.
Another reason might be that the man may no longer act romantic or “pursue” his wife, like he did while courting her. A woman has deep emotional needs in that department, and some guys think once they marry all of that extra stuff isn’t needed. The truth is that a woman likes a bit of romance in her life.
Because men suck.
Sheer fickleness.
boredom?
over-analyzing?
greener pastures?
maybe a dose of reality?
who knows…
Hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps women have a more nuanced view of the way things might have been.
Maybe men are more apprehensive about committing, so when they do they’re really sure they want to be with that person, whereas a woman is just happy someone will commit to her and jumps into the marriage? Or she gets too fixated on the “perfect” husband and rips her man apart when she compares him? Maybe she goes through the relationship thinking he’s okay-ish, but figures if she gets married to him she can push him to change and he doesn’t?
i think women–not all, but certainly a considerable number of them–go into a relationship with a certain mindset… sort of expecting romance, and believing that they may be able to tweak their men a bit… but they live and learn, and eventually realize that they can’t.
Does any man fully comprehend women?
No.
i think some women think they can change things about their husbands, and when they realize they can’t, they aren’t too thrilled. some women probably just think too much.
Hmmm, Not from personal experience, but it could be because the way men are being raised now. They expect the woman to work 2 jobs while they work one, then they still expect them to clean the house and make dinner.. umm, lets add to the list things that need to be fixed, and they never are. Lying about nothing at all. Just stupid stuff, I’m sure.. You know, like laying on the couch eating chips and watching sports all day long, or sleeping while their child is down for the bi weekly visit. Sleeping all the time.
I don’t think it’s because he wont change, I think it’s because he does change…
I think most of it stems from the fact that we as women are fixers. If we can’t “fix” the person we are with, then we regret ever being with them. It’s just a thought anyway.
Hummm… I dunno. Maybe some women settle for someone thinking they can change their spouce, or will adjust to eachother, but then realize they cant. Or they go for the “bad boy” only to find out they should have gone for that guy their mom liked. Or maybe the fact that the relationship changes after marriage, and they dont like that things arnt all peaches and cream. I’m not sure. I had no idea this was true. lol
Don’t know, I just hope that isn’t me. “Grass is greener”, I guess. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it is women doing so much of the pursuing now and we have to settle for scraps because of all the competition for men? Or maybe men just aren’t all they are cracked up to be? Meh, most likely it is that women expect too much from the men they marry.
I have known women who had such low self-esteem they took the first offer of marriage they got because they were sure they would not ever get another. Others just wanted to have a perfect wedding and put all their energy into the ceremony and none into the marriage – any guy would have worked for a groom; the wedding was just a production followed shortly by a divorce. I know one woman who had a pathological need to be the center of attention and milked out every stage of engagement, wedding, newlywed, pregnancy, motherhood, adultery, divorce and remarriage. There are almost as many reasons as there are regretful women.
I think the old adage that “women get married hoping the man will change and men get married hoping the woman never will” is true here. Women are constantly changing, evolving and reinventing themselves (usually around their husbands and their families), whereas men simply don’t. I think men tend to be more “stuck” in their thinking, where women are constantly analyzing and rethinking situations, causes, etc. And while I don’t think these things are bad, the problem comes because men simply don’t notice.
Women are more emotional. We fall too hard too quick and get too deep too soon. We’re all looking for Prince Charming, only not all of us get him on the first try.
women are very romantic and feel like they need to be married. they rush into things because they don’t want to miss their “chance” and don’t really think about what the rest of their life is going to be like. they realize later on into the marriage that maybe they jumped into things a bit to quickly and maybe didn’t pick the right person.
Of course! Look at the men that they have from which to choose!
“Hmmm, Not from personal experience, but it could be because the way men are being raised now. They expect the woman to work 2 jobs while they work one, then they still expect them to clean the house and make dinner.. umm, lets add to the list things that need to be fixed, and they never are. Lying about nothing at all. Just stupid stuff, I’m sure.. You know, like laying on the couch eating chips and watching sports all day long, or sleeping while their child is down for the bi weekly visit. Sleeping all the time.
I don’t think it’s because he wont change, I think it’s because he does change… ” quitlikinmyhand
I agree with that! Sometimes, that is what happens….and it’s pretty pathetic and sad. I wouldn’t wonder for a second why a woman would regret that choice.
There are some interesting responses here. I think that there are many people who have responded with some very likely answers.
Personally I would tend to think that it probably comes largely down to a difference of expectations. Everyone expects to be shown affection in a certain way and may have a tendency to see a lack of affection if it is presented differently. Perhaps they get into the marriage and women are expecting one type of affection display and the guy another and the guy just adjusts a little more quickly or not being as fickle with emotions just believes it without needing the reassurance.
There is also the possibility that men are just more likely to file for divorce if they are getting unhappy.
They regret their choice because they thought they could change him. What they didn’t do is accept him as he is. Open your eyes, ladies.
he does change …. good point quitlikinmyhand
they stare at a tv or a computer and never talk
never
happy in their won world
needed no one
they need to be alone
that is what happens
they forget the woman exhists
Hopes for the future turn into bitter seeds of regret when they realize that change has be initiated by the man, and the man has to SUFFER first, and he doesn’t, so whatever silly plan they had blows away in the wind of years to watch each day melt with sameness into the next.
the operative phrase is “do it over again.” why would you marry the same person twice? then there would be no point in doing anything over again!
haha no but the problem here probably isn’t that the woman is too moody or didn’t make the right choice– the problem is that men are fat and mean.
I agree with Completely_Compelled on this one. Women dream all their life of being married, which may lead to them grabbing the first guy they think is “perfect” and not letting go for fear of not being married, which in turn leads to regret when they realize the man isn’t perfect.
cuz most guys are doushe bags…. bags of doushe, or some related matter…
Because women have brains and men don’t.
Or possibly because women notice more about their spouse, than their spouse them (breasts, va-jay-jay and food).
I think women are more likely to regret in general.
First I would like to know who took the survey. If these were mostly women who married early…that might be why. If if these were mostly women who had never had any other experience in life…that might be why. Religion may play a factor. Same thing for the men. Personally I think the article could have given more information. Plus what kind of article does not answer the question it is meant to be written for?!
From personal experience, it’s because I was so focused on focus on creating and finding the perfect everything, (“perfect” relationship, perfect in-laws, perfect house, perfect car, perfect dream life, etc.) that I forget to actually look and see if it was what “I” really wanted and if it was what will make me happy. Everything was going perfectly so why bother? Because anything that goes wrong will also work out perfectly.
Oh yea and for men…not to be stereotypical, I think as someone mentioned earlier, men do not dote on this as much as women, so I guess that they get and build that “perfect” life and are just satisfied with it and don’t care to think too much on it. While women tend to analyze it later on.
men have much fewer needs. Feed them and give them sex when wanted and they will keep coming back. Women do think too much
We just need to focus our energy on what we DO have instead of what *could* be.
Probably because society paint a picture in movies and books of marriage that’s not real. Then we glamourize marriage and when it’s not what we thought we’re disappointed.
I honestly think it’s because women marry “down”, thinking or hoping that they will be able to change their man for the better. Men don’t have that concept going into the marriage, so they are happier later on because their expectations haven’t been broken.
It would be nice if people didn’t regret the one they married!!!
Because men are more likely to be unfaithful? That was certainly the case in my experience.
Its the idea of ROMANCE.
Men do love thier mates, but sometimes i get the feeling that women love the feeling of being in love, of being “swept of their feet” more than they actually love thier actual mate. It is seen in the movies they see and the books they read. It is their addiction and somethign they “want” in “real” life. I am not saying a husband should not romance his wife – btu if she expects that every single day.. lol, then she should expect to give him sex every single day.. ha ha (get my point).
Daniel (doubledb)
Everyone changes during a marriage. My question is, of the 30% or whatever of women who long for what might have been, how many of them married on an emotional high, without seeing if the relationship would stand the test of time first…
I dont know…I sure hope that when I get married I dont regret it.
Sometimes, when we want something or someone that we think will make us happy, we still aren’t happy at all even after we get what we want. I think that’s part of why I waited to get married. And now I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
“That doesn’t make sense. It’s always the woman begging for commitment.”
I beg to differ! In my relationships, the man wants the commitment and I’m the one who doesn’t want to settle down yet. But then both guys I’ve dated have been older than me.
But anyway…I think that even with the women’s movement, a lot of women still feel they should get married at some point. And then they have their biological clocks. Men can become fathers for a longer time than women can become mothers, so they don’t feel as urgent about selecting a spouse. Because of that, they may be more likely to marry someone they really want to be with.
Also, women are often given unrealistic ideas about marriage through chick flicks and fashion magazines. Society is always drilling into them that they need to find their ”soulmate”. And with those kinds of messages always around, maybe they wonder if they missed their soulmate and just “settled.”
Because a woman is entitled to change her mind. That’s what I heard.
Because things CHANGE !
because some bitch always has the better spouse.
just kidding.
Because society has portrayed an ideal to women in what men should be like and that love is a mushy gushy emotional thing that you see in Hollywood movies and have failed to discern that this is not reality. Society has erected eros love (erotic, sensual, sex-based) over agape love (self-sacrificial, selfless) yet we still have the expectation of the results of the latter in pursuing the former. This cannot be. It’s simply foolish to try to assert that you can get the latter from the former of these two loves. And since men are given to worshipping the former- no wonder they fail in terms of giving women the latter.
Marriage is hard work even for those who do practice agape love, no wonder marriage is failing in the world among modern couples who fail to grasp the concept that a good relationship simply cannot be founded on the sensual.
Women get married because they want intimacy and to be cherished. Men get married because they want a mother who will perform in the bedroom as well. Once a woman figures this out – small wonder she is dissatisfied. Wouldn’t you be? And THEN you have that added disillusionment of the whole 10 ” thing…. ha ha ha.
Womens desires are not quite as provincial as mens.
All these relationship crap makes me sad….
I don’t really know. I think some people don’t really take enough time to get to know someone before making such an important decision. Alot of decisions are made in haste that can turn into regrets later on. I also think we live in a society that almost encourages divorce. People give up and walk away so easily. Sometimes I think they go into marriage thinking if it doesn’t work out they can alway’s leave. Noone is willing to work it out and try to stick together. NOONE said it was going to be easy. Some people get married for the wrong reasons and are almost doomed from the start. What if people weren’t able to seperate and get a divorce so easily? Would it make them be much more careful about who they choose for a spouse? Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve been with my husband almost twenty years. No regrets here.
because we’re too emotional. we always “need” the male to do this or that but what it really is is that we just want them to do it. and women get upset when we dont get what we want and our plans dont go accordingly.
at least, thats how i am sometimes.
in my case, women are more prone to worry in general than I am…..so that is my reasoning, though it may be completely illegitimate.
as little girls, we dream about the fairytale wedding. Once grown up, the fascination is about the big ring and the big day..too much is focused on that rather than finding the RIGHT man. after the ceremony it is realized that the big day was no big deal and the big ring isn’t so big afterall.
that’s my take on it.
or women marry men under false pretenses… or marry for a man money but after the wedding finds out that he’s a selfish bastard. or a woman’s “need” to change a man fails.
the reasons are endless. i think women are just more apt to be honest about marrying the wrong man more so than men are about marrying the wrong woman.
Great question. I wish I knew the answer to that one too. I think I’ll read “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” and see if it gives any clues.
Though this isn’t true of everyone, I truly do think some women out there have the Disney Complex: they find someone they’re infatuated with, and they rush into marriage thinking that it’s all romance and perfection and happiness. They think a white gown, a gorgeous ceremony, and tearful vows with a handsome man are the key to Happily Ever After. And then, when they realize marriage is NOT all sunshine and butterflies, they change their minds.
Then again, women do ruminate too much. We could learn a lot from men in that respect…
b/c women tend to sacrifice or do a lot more for their partners than the other way around…..generalizing of course.
probably because they get caught up in the emotion of “love” and after a while realize reality, and it’s not as shiny. they could also have images of the future when they get into marriage, and realize that it may just not be like that a little ways into the marriage. i guess in one word, it’s disillusionment.
Maybe women are more likely to change after they get married, or think that she can change her man, or get married hastily.
CUZ WOMEN R IRRATIONAL BY NATURE. OR SO HAS BEEN MY EXP. IT MAYBE THEY GET MARRIED ENVELOPED IN D MIASMA OF FAIRYTALE LOVE N THEN D REALITY OF HUMAN NATURE BLOWS IN, LEAVIN NOTHIN BUT REGRET. AGAIN, DATS MY EXP. IT COULD B THOSE 30 PERCENT R IDIOTS.
its just part of whom they are…….
women>men…just kidding
Actually a better reason is that more women marry younger, so they didn’t get that many opportunities to look around. Also men just suck.
Very sad. Sometimes because we didn’t marry the one we really loved in the first place, due to circumstances beyond our control.
You can’t answer that question because it is different for every woman and every marriage, though a previous poster brought up the grass-is-always-greener concept and that is probably the underlying theme in most, if not all, of these women’s doubts. They aren’t necessarily unhappy in their current situation, but they always have that nagging in their minds that it could have been better.
Well, marriage is glamorized on tv and when we grow up we realize that it’s not all lovey dovey and roses. Our expectations are too high and no man can actually meet them. I get angry at Miguel and yeah, sometimes I think of life without him, but I can honestly say I do not regret marrying him nor my ex-husband. Reality can really suck.
women are fickle organisms.
and men aren’t?
Because he has crossed the finish line .. he gets lazier now knowing he already got the girl, making the girl lose the sparks.
Everyone is equally unhappy. Men are convinced that the survey is a sneak attack by their wives. It’s a trap!
They were young, in love, and stupid. Slowly, they realized there is more to marriage than finding each other hot. Also, women think they can look beyond the boyfriend’s flaw when they get married. However, that usually do not happen.
different goals maybe?
1) We are pressured to get married, so find the first man we can who’s willing to buy them a ring so they won’t have to be 35 and *gasp!* still unmarried.
2) We are fed the line about Prince Charming from childhood on, and are taught to expect marriage to be perfect and happy. When reality wets in, many women feel disappointed, and think that it’s b/c they married the wrong man rather than that long-term relationships are going to have ups and downs.
We think a lot.