August 26, 2007
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Genital Herpes
The following letter came into the contracostatimes.com:
“I am a lawyer. During a first date with another lawyer, we had sex, and I wore a condom. Days later, when I came down with a bad fever and couldn’t determine the cause, she revealed that she had genital herpes. A judgeship will soon open up in her county, and she’s a near lock for it. But if I report her lapse of sexual ethics, I doubt that the selection committee will pick her. Should I?” Here is the link: Link
Should the man report the information to the selection committee?
Comments (93)
Health information is confidential… as much as she’s a loser for not telling him, he shouldn’t tell.
Yeah, fuck the bitch.
Hey, was I first??!!
Hmm, health information is probably confidential, but this also counts as ethical information.
I really don’t know.
And he really should also blame himself if he has herpes now…it’s both of their fault. If you have sex with someone after only one date, how can you trust them enough to tell you if they have an STD?
I might need more information about the type of judgeship and the area that it is in.
I would say yes, but like Emjay1 said, health information is confidential and if he told, it’s still not going to make his situation go away. It makes her a loser for not telling and him stuck with a disease for life. Either way is a no win situation.
It’s sad that something like that would matter for him to consider it a threat. I bet that lawyer is married and is pissed because now he’s gotta tell his wife about his herpes. But then again, aren’t lawyers good at lying?
I think that instead of going to the committee, he should confront her about not telling him before they had sex, and if she’s a total bitch, then screw her and tell the committee. Idk thats my personal thought.
I don’t think anyone’s personal habits and ethics should directly affect their work life. As long as she possesses the abilities and skills to be a good judge, then it shouldn’t matter what her personal ethics are. I thinks this works the same way with presidential elections– people shouldn’t reveals personal scandals of the candidates as part of a campaign.
i think the fact that she had sex with him on the first date should have told him something.
Why does that sound very petty and not professional about the work ethic?? I mean it is not like related to health industry that she is going around and giving it out..
I don’t think the man should.
As much as I sympathize with his situation, reporting the woman would do no real good asides from “getting back at her.” I don’t particularily blame the woman for no disclosing her condition (who would want to advertise themselves as a walking cesspool?). I don’t think the woman’s deception has relevant standing with her being elected to the judgeship.
If the man were to report the woman, I wouldn’t think too much of it. She had it coming, after all.
Not to sound like I’m easy, but its somewhat commonplace for adults to have sex on a first date. Not sure what world you’re living in.
I don’t think he should. They both had responsibility of thoroughly asking each other for their sexual history and both should have been honest. And besides, just because she has genital herpes it doesn’t mean shes a bad person. She didn’t ask for it like she wanted it.
Personally, I think it sounds very petty. And I agree with nutshell. It was really irresponsible of him to not even consider getting a sexual history before he slept with her.
I read the answer to his question, but I think the answer she gave would have been very different if the girl had HIV. It that case, it would be a life and death situation. But the female lawyer’s action (or lack thereof) is the same in either case – the actual or the hypothetical. The same rules would have been broken, but the response would have been different. Tough question to answer.
it would be very lawyerly of him.
he fucked her, he deals with it.
Yes…I would tell!
Maybe he should have kept his pecker to himself and just masterbated. He fucked her now he should live with the consequences. You take a chance, everytime, even with a condom. Sounds to me me he just wants revenge and doesn’t really care if there is an “upstanding” judge on the bench.
drock19901309
he fucked her, he deals with it.
What a stupid sentiment. Would you feel the same way if she had AIDS and passed HIV along to him? How would he deal with it then? Or if a serious STD were passed onto yourself?
Karma will get her eventually. If you report her out of spite, Karma will get you back someday too. But you are both lawyers, so go right ahead and be a sewer rat.
I dont think her sex life really has to do anything with her job…so no.
Revenge is bittersweet, and more importantly, completely fruitless. I wouldn’t report it.
-David
LadyValkryrie
Maybe he should have kept his pecker to himself and just masterbated. He fucked her now he should live with the consequences. You take a chance, everytime, even with a condom.
Granted, there is a risk behind any sexual contact with any person by anyone. This fact, however, doesn’t absolve the woman of her moral responsiblities. The woman had Herpes and that she made the conscience decision to not disclose. She must have been smart enough to be aware of the possiblity of transmittance even though her partner were wearing a condom. Rather than giving the man a knowing choice of whether or not to subject himself to the risk of infection, she decided to keep in him the dark.
The woman’s responsiblity in the matter were greater than the man’s. The transgression of knowingly risk exposure to an incurable and serious STD to one’s partner is much much greater than simply wanting a quick sexual encounter.
no, he’s only doing it for revenge, and it wasn’t just her fault, it was his too for being promiscuous.
A Birds Eye View
I dont think her sex life really has to do anything with her job…so no.
What is realted is the woman’s moral judgement in the situation. Besides, the mere act of the man’s free speech is only that: A volunteering of information. It is the selection committee, a band of impersonal decision makers, after all, who would decide the woman’s appointment.
I wouldn’t. Take it as a lesson as what can happen with multiple partners you don’t know that much about.
frogbabe23
no, he’s only doing it for revenge, and it wasn’t just her fault, it was his too for being promiscuous.
Granted, but I’m sure any reasonable person would admit that the woman’s responsiblity in this matter far out-strips that of the man’s.
She should tell… If the other lawyer isn’t a good judge of ethics in his personal life, why should he be able to judge other people’s personal lives???
What’s inside eventually comes out. If you hate dealing with people, but you hide it to get a job, you still dislike people, and will suddenly turn your normally awesome job into a drudgery…
Why is the #1 thing nearly everyone misses is personal integrity?? Is Responsibility a curse word now??
YES!
People with stds and aids gotta be responsible and upfront about it. They have to recognize that others have the Right To Know.
Sex life and jobs are 2 different matters BUT if it poses as a problem…..than it becomes an issue that cannot be ignored. Especially when someones health is invloved. If we dont have good health than what do we really have?
If she didn’t tell the truth about that, what else could she be lying about?
just agree on some price out of court, and use blackmail as a backup.
If he wants to be a bitch, go ahead tell
if they ask him, yes
if shes gonna be a judge, she might have to rule on a case where someone gives someone an STD by not telling them they have it, in the court system, this is punishable (at least im almost positive)
No, it’s his fault for shagging her on the first date without getting any information from her about her health and stuff. sex on the first date is just plain stupid.
Well she sucks for doing that to him, but no he shouldn’t report it, it really has nothing to do with her career.
I wouldn’t blame him for reporting her. She definitely should have told him about her condition before they had sex.
absolutely not – much more money in blackmail….:-p
However, I’m not sure how relevant that is to the judgeship. It does bespeak a certain lack of ethics, though.
Yeah, it will make you feel better.
I would say yes… She should have been honest.
Wonder how many judges have not had lapses of ethics?
What would it say about him and his sexual morals?
All I have to say is..
that sucks unbelievably bad.
Just goes to show you that sex on the first date is never the answer.
In terms of ethics, that was a low thing for a judge to do. IS that the kind of person someone who you want to be your judge? “Oh it’s her sex life” Their sex life involved another person who they infected without telling them to get what they wanted. I personally expect more personal ethic, moral, from a judge. I don’t have a problem with anyone having an STI but if that’s their behavior despite it?
pot-kettle=black? and just where does he think he fits in this picture?
It didn’t sound like revenge to me, more being obligated to bring issues of ethics to the attention of the judgeship committee. It’s something they need to know–not that she has genital herpes, but that she didn’t bring up the issue with the person she had sex with before they did it. Hiding things can become an issue if she becomes a judge.
He really should have gotten her sexual history before he slept with her. His irresponsibility bit him in the ass and now I suspect he is considering reporting this to the committee not out of altruism but revenge, to get her back for giving him an STD. His own behavior, according to professional standards, was pretty stupid in itself. The man showed a lack of judgment. In short, he really has some nerve.
That said, unlike the advisor on that page, I think a lack of sexual responsibility can be related to the conduct of that person on the bench. When seeking a judge we’re looking for someone not only who knows the law and can do the job, but someone who can exercise good judgment, and has a sense of justice and balance. A person who is irresponsible in some way whether in abusing drugs, sex, or something else is someone I’d think long and hard about before I put them on the bench. If he reported the conduct yes I think it would be a bit relevant. If he were to report the conduct it would have to be taken into consideration whether that is someone they want to have on the bench.
Maybe, if he hadn’t had SEX with her!!! Sheesh–his morals aren’t exactly spotless, either! So many people seem to take sexual intimacy with the same casualness as a handshake. Is it any surprise that STDs and such are on the increase?? If not for moral reasons, any sane person should be very discerning on who he/she “partners up with” for their own physical well being.
Maybe he shouldn’t have had sex with her on the first date!
As for reporting her it would be unethical on his part.
What? No. How completely irrelevant. Her sex life doesn’t effect her abilities as a lawyer, sooo.
I don’t know. Does herpes even give you a fever?
HECK YEAH! talk about unethical! If there is any way this person has a chance of being a judge and he can shut her down he should… I mean come on… how can you mess with others physical health like that!
I’m with Deflates. Fuck that bitch.
My gut rx is to say “What the heck do her “sexual ethics” have to do with her being a judge……and what about the lawyer’s sexual ethics? Who knew we even had them?
Yeah Genital Herpes can cause flu like symptoms including a fever…I was kinda surprised you can still get it with condom…you see those commercials on tv with the happy couple and one of them has genital herpes and the other doesn’t and they talk bout taking precautions…but according to the net, people infected should completely abstain from sex with uninfected partners…not sure how happy that couple could possibly be…as for him telling or not…what would really be the point other than revenge? Considering he can’t sleep with anyone else at this point he should just marry her, use her as his personal sex puppet and take her check to buy himself expensive man trinkets…
You should never sleep with a girl before getting a Girlfax History Report!
If he doesn’t, she seriously fuckin owes him.
To be honest it sounds a bit vindictive of him… I don’t really know much it’s that he’s interested in reporting her “lapse of sexual ethics” as it is that he just wants to humiliate her.
If someone did that to me I would seek revenge in a way that benefitted me more.. like blackmail :]
Depends on how bitchy he’s feeling. I mean, not telling him about the herpes was pretty bitchy. Though perhaps disporportionately life-affecting.
A true gentle men would not kiss and tell.
squeakysoul
He really should have gotten her sexual history before he slept with her. His irresponsibility bit him in the ass and now I suspect he is considering reporting this to the committee not out of altruism but revenge, to get her back for giving him an STD. His own behavior, according to professional standards, was pretty stupid in itself. The man showed a lack of judgment. In short, he really has some nerve.
You’re absoultely wrong here. It was not the man’s responsiblity to ask for a sexual history but the woman’s responsiblity to give it. It was very unlikely that the fact of her having herpes magically slipped her mind prior to as well as the days after their sex.
While it may have been loose practice for the man to consent to sexual intercourse with the woman on a first date (moral or not depending on one’s own personal standard), it was definately immoral for the woman to knowingly transmit an STD to the man. The man showed poor judgement in loose sex, the woman showed worse judgement in the same loose sex AND transmitting an incurable STD.
It’s his fault for fuckin the lawyer even with “precautions” to not get preggo or get an STD. I know it’s confidential… but she’s gonna continue having sex with assholes without telling them… that’s worst…
No he shouldn’t. That won’t affect the way she does her job. He’d only be doing it out of revenge. He has a right to be mad, but maybe if he had taken the time to ask her about sexual history before sleeping with her, he could have saved himself from getting herpes. She’s not the only one to blame here and he needs to take responsibility for what he did as well!
so was the lapse of ethics her not telling him she had herpes, or was it sleeping with him on the first date. I’m confused.
Why is everyone only blaming the guy for not getting her history? If he had given HER something that stay with like that he would have been a JERK and PIG for not mentioning it to her.
absolutely not. i think a person’s private affairs should have nothing to do with one’s professional life. yes it was wrong for her to do that. But then again… they did use a condom. it’s not like she convinced him not to use one. maybe this is a case of “oh well shit happens.”
Yes. Someone who doesn’t have the ethics to tell someone that they involve themselves with sexually that they have an incurable sexually transmitted disease can hardly be trusted with matters that involve the lives and futures of complete strangers.
Sure, though it’s obvious he is only considering reporting it to “get revenge” for the STD and not because he actually cares whether she’ll make a good/ethical judge or not. I think it’s the responsibility of both partners to ask about/share sexual history. Also, it’s usually a good idea to know someone’s character before you get in bed with him/her.
Nah, I mean, he wore a condom.
So nobody’s really at fault except the people at Trojan for making a defunct one.
The question I have is “did she know prior to the sex?”. She might have only discovered the herpes when she was tested and he asked afterwards.
He shouldn’t report her. The circumstances of having sex in the first place will complicate the issue.
’nuff said…
I wonder how she feels about it…
Not unless they’re all planning on having an orgy….
Um, isn’t that kind of counterintuitive since 1) revenge like that is never karma free and 2) it takes two people to have stupid sex? come on dude grow some balls and own up on responsbility. hmm.. was that a pun?
how about this? HE should not have casual sex! I mean – what is it all about? to know all the law, and have no meaning. amazing.
I don’t think he should. They both had responsibility of thoroughly asking each other for their sexual history and both should have been honest. And besides, just because she has genital herpes it doesn’t mean shes a bad person. She didn’t ask for it like she wanted it.
* ChubyChicka
I don’t think the man should.
As much as I sympathize with his situation, reporting the woman would do no real good asides from “getting back at her.” I don’t particularly blame the woman for no disclosing her condition (who would want to advertise themselves as a walking cesspool?). I don’t think the woman’s deception has relevant standing with her being elected to the judgeship.
If the man were to report the woman, I wouldn’t think too much of it. She had it coming, after all.
* huginn
I agree with those two 100%.
Yes, he should because if you are sexually active it is your responsibilty to inform your sexual partner of any known diseases.
I say tell. I think ethics plays a big role here. Even if he did have sex with her on the first night, its HER responsibility to tell him that she has an STD. What if it were something more serious, like AIDS? And now he may die because of it? Then what, its still ok because he shouldnt have had sex on the first night….forget the fact that she all out lied by omission. What would she lie about on the bench by omission? What has she lied about thus far? Let money become involved, or let some high-rank politicians become involved, and I bet dollars to donuts she’d lie in a heartbeat.
I don’t think the guy should report it, but if he does it’s understandable.
um… NO! Her having herpes has nothing to do with being a judge.
I think it was pretty crappy to have not told him about a disease like that. However, at the same time, it’s not something that comes up in first date conversation. You have to be willing to take the chances of catching something if you’re going to have sex on the first date. And, I pretty much believe that if he’s bringing her into the spotlight for ethics, he should be there, too.
Hate to say, but I’d do it. And anyone who wouldn’t is a far better person than I am.
I have to agree with Emjay1: “Health information is confidential”
He should keep his mouth shut and just deal with his personal problems privately.
In my opinion, we’re each responsible for our sex life. You can’t expect someone, especially after 1 date, to disclose that kind of information unless they’re asked. (If they lie after you ask, that’s another story). You have to take responsibility for yourself and do the things that the other person technically should be doing. A while back i thought girls shouldn’t be responsibile for carying condoms, but now i see it a bit differently. You don’t want to get an STD? you need to talk it out with your partner before jumping in the sack. It’s your sex life, take responsibilty for it yourself. Don’t expect others to do it for you.
Nah… but he could sue her and have the same effect.
That girl should have been more considerate don’t you think?
But then it is not very classy to rat on her sexual health so that she can be disqualified as revenge.
Ugh. I know I would if I really wanted revenge, but I know that karma would get her soon.
What a bitch.
Yes, because a clean vagina is a just vagina. Please. Like shed b d 1st judge w a shady past. Now if its to get even, then yes. Hes gonna deal w dat 4 life, she should pay too.
Absolutely Not. The only reason for releasing information like that to her comrads is to prevent her from getting the judgeship. Sounds like someone is a little bitter he didn’t get a sexual history before he was promiscious.
No. What an ass. I believe that he had sex too.