August 27, 2007
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Discipline
A father felt his son was out of control. So he restrained him to keep him out of trouble. He handcuffed and chained him to his bed. The police found him chained to the bed and arrested and charged the father with unlawful restraint and false imprisonment.
The very next day his son was arrested with some friends for vandalizing a few cars and trying to steal a car. Here is the link: Link
What can parents do when they feel like their child is out of control?
Comments (88)
Sometimes all they can do is let their child get into trouble and learn the hard way.
He should have just spanked the boy. The threat of the belt is surprisingly effective on most sane, bratty kids.
Just read the article – 13 is young enough to give a good spanking to.
ryc: isn’t British Airways the airline recently accused of price fixing… or was that Virgin? Can’t remember
A good spanking. It worked for me!
Counseling.
Yeah, a good spanking. Not a spanking in anger, but yeahh, spank your kids.
I’m spanking my kids. Fo sho.
LOL @ TheRottenOrange. Are you serious? THat kid will get better with counseling??
LMAOOO
^Heh. It sounds like the father’s fucked up just as much as the kid. It’s probably a bit of a rebellion thing from the dad, and I’m sure a counselor could possibly sort it out. =)
Of course, spanking would work too.
BEAT THEIR ASS!!! no matter how old
My parents had always just ground me. But clearly I see that this kid is probably one who isn’t grounded easily, as the father felt the handcuffs were necessary. If your kid is so out of control that not even you can do anything to stem his behavior, you just might need to take the usually unnecessary step of putting some money into a visit to the psychiatrist and perhaps get him wired on Ritalin or something.
Why laugh at the notion of counseling? It might not work all the time, but neither does spanking. As a matter of fact, if you’re inflicting pain on your children 24/7, there’s a chance he might become somewhat of a repressed psycho.
-David
Spare the rod to spoil the child… a good whipping always straightened me out.
still does….. ha
if proper discipline had been evident at the get go, rather than letting the kid go free-range as the soft, fruity baby boomers would permit, neither would have happened. maybe. there isnt actually enough in the above post to make a really good decision on. however, it SEEMS self evident the kid had been indulged for a very long time.
Out with the belt/paddle.. Enough said.. It worked on me when I’m up to no good..
There are times when it might be best to bring in a third party, another authority. I’ve known parents who had to call the cops when their kid got violent.
If the kid doesn’t listen well to his parents, perhaps they could find him a mentor, someone that both the parents and the kid could trust.
Maybe the parents should go to therapy or a support group so they can get some feedback and support.
You should be able to give your child a hiding. But no thats abuse. Abuse is not teaching your child boundaries.
That father should sue the US government for interfering.
Let the courts handle it now
they’re like this for a reason. parents need to learn how to talk to their children, and then let them make their mistakes.
he should have kicked his ass ! oh, shame on me , i guess he should have given him a “time out”.
They can get them into family counseling, for one thing. Not only does the child need help, but his parents need support as well.
haha,this makes me laugh because every time my brother would go to jail we would just leave him there. I really think all you can do is let them learn the hard way
Apparently having them arrested is one option….
I’m sure it is hard for parents to be in this situation. In my opinion, his parents waited too long to regain control.
Well, the belt usually straighten me out.
Although, I know a few friends that had mothers who called the cops if they got out of hand. Pretty intense so yeah.
There’s much better ways to discipline children and deal with problem behaviors like that than handcuffing them to a friggin bed. That
s only gonna make the kid more angry and rebllious.
It’s obvious lots of these posters haven’t had kids yet!
When you have a rebellious one, about all you can do is the best you can; they will rebel against all forms of discipline and teaching anyway, and have to learn from consequences. We had therapists telling us to reverse the lock (doorknob) on our son’s room because he wouldn’t stay in any form of time-out at age 3. His grandparents threatened to call DCFS. He is now 21 and still learning the hard way. Usually kids like that have some kind of mental illness or learning disability. It’s not easy or cut and dried. Spanking does not work – it only turns into a power struggle, and in anger, can become abuse.
Apples fall from apple trees.
Beat them.
so… did the police handcuff the father? if they did he should sue them for it. as for the people saying “he should have done X..” by the time the kid is 13 im sure he had tried X, Y, and Z. something tells me that shackling a 13 year old to a bed wasnt the first idea that came to his head, but when nothing else works, people get desperate.
boot camp!
or dr. phil
Pretty difficult to spank a teenager that is all likelihood is a big or bigger than you. I think let him make the mistake, get in trouble, deal with the consequences. If that does not work – military school will… ask my cousin!
Outward Bound
It is the responsibility of the parent to snip disruptive elements of the child’s life at the bud. The son should not have had the chance to grow up with the bad influence of his friend, and his actions certainly should not have gone presumably unchecked so long.
At this point, I’m not sure if there’s anything the Dad could do. I like YourOuterCritic‘s suggestion of an outside mentor. I also feel that it’s at the point that the kid needs some serious shock treatment to preally put a dent in his gargantun biases and tendencies: Something to jolt perspective into him.
Kill their mother?
what stays behind closed doors…
put them up for adoption.
the gov’t is better at grounding bad kids… and they can do it legally.
i don’t think the authorities were right to intervene- by doing so they take away the authority of parents to work with their children- ULTIMATELY it is the parents’ job to do the raising.
i agree with spanking so long as it is done purely for punishment and not out of wrath, i’m a little leary of counseling- depends on WHO is doing the counseling… grounding might work on more obedient kids
as with this case, unfortunately, now he’s in the hands of the law and hopefully they’ll be harsh enough with his punishment that he’ll get the message
You should teach them respect and right and wrong when they’re children, not teens.
how utterly frustrating
Recently a friend had a stepchild that became violent with them. The police were called and the child was arrested for domestic violence. After going to court and some fairly tough reality from the pretrial folks the child has straightened out some.
Sometimes you have to get that third party authority involved in order to get through to a teenager.
I agree with the others. Spanking always worked on me. My mom never grounded me (or my brother). She saw no point in it.
Probably the bit with the car(s) was a bit of rebellion on the son’s part. But still…
<33
IDK, but damn thats a good way to tell someone, “I told you so”. Haha!
I agree with IssyMae. If the father feels he needs to handcuff his child, he’s waited too long to do anything about it. Hindsight is 20/20. At this point, jail may be the best option for the child. At least then somebody will be teaching him right from wrong.
RYC Thanks Dan (^_^) I don’t really want to take the break, but don’t wan’t to ‘compromise’ anything either.
Mauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Cam
I don’t think handcuffing your kid is the answer, but you’ve got to appreciate the irony here. I can’t imagine that parents can do much of anything when a teenager gets out of control. I think discipline has to start young–be lovingly firm, without being abusive. Learn to say “no” when the situation warrants it.
Other than take the kid to Dr. Phil?
I’ve heard of creative punishment?
With troublemakers as such, he’s probably acting out to seek attention from his parents. His dad is probably overly critical and never really recognized when the son did do a good job – so what is really the use of the kid being a good kid if he sees no rewards for it? His mom probably doesn’t have a strong enough stance to be an authority figure to the kid. Additionally, the kid probably rolls with the wrong type of people – the same with background as he.
I actually think counseling will bore him to death. He’s 13 – on the cusp of the most influential stage of his life, age-wise. He’s going to act up more than he did when he was, say, 11 or 12. What the parents should do is seek advice from a psychologist – not a psychiatrist – and develop new ways of parenting. After they’ve done that, they can try implementing their methods. If there’s even a small improvement, it’s note-worthy enough to mark as improvement, which the father will probably not recognize. A lot of questions about what the kid thinks of certain things would be a good start – parents tend to be very overbearing and push their ideals on children that are beginning to develop their own – a very harsh clash that can end up in a then-psychiatric mess. I don’t believe in complete compromise, but more seeking what the available options are. Parents have to start playing part-psychologist and stop looking at things only from an authority-based perspective.
If all else fails, send the kid off to boarding school.
: ) that’s my .02
I think that is a good bit extreeme, Dan. Raising a child right has a lot to do with it, but I do not think that it is right to cuff a teenager to his bed just so he won’t break the law. Now I might call the cops on my own boy and then not bail him out for a few days if I knew what he was going to do. For example, if I got wind somehow that him and his buddies were about to steal a car, I would call and say “be lookig for these boys, they’re going to swipe somebody’s car.” He would learn his lesson the hard way, but some won’t learn any other way!
RYC:
a town called Elkhart. Or near it. I have heard that the job might end up being in Franklin. My sister will be in Elkhart working in Palestine.
Cowboy
My fiance (he’s in the military) said that we’re going to be fairly strict parents from the very beginning with our children. He also said we would send them to military school as punishment for their first major offense (doing drugs for example). If our kids were over 18, we’d stop financially supporting them. Both of these punishments though will more likely be for our boys.
If we have girls, I think taking away all of their material possessions is worse punishment, especially makeup and fashionable clothes for school. I know a guy (also in the military) who did that to his daughter when she was getting “out of control,” and she had to slowly earn back those things. He said makeup was the very last thing she got back. She had to do chores, spend quality time with the family, be respectful, make good grades, etc… Their relationship has been full of love and respect ever since.
go to the woods and get a wooden object…
come back in the house and use it…
Yeah, just call the police on them. My friends’ parents heard that he was having a party w/ alcohol there, so they called the cops on their own son and busted his ass.
Tough love indeed.
BEAT THEM!
A truly out of control is not going to respond to spanking. More is required. Maybe jail time?
I say bootcamp, or take away all their priviledges and allowances. My sons have a hefty trust fund that would be taken away within a heartbeat if they should decide to get “out of control”. However, my father would say take out the belt, slipper, or hanger and that should do the trick.
Get your child involved in a group activity, whether it be through church or a volunteer group at school. Or even a sports team. The more “good” friends they have, the more they will be peer pressured into doing good things instead of bad.
he got in trouble for trying to restrain him (which I’m not condone-ing in the least…it was a bad choice) and he would have gotten in trouble for child neglect or something like that because of the actions of his child it this hadn’t been brought into considertion. He should have sought out professional help whether it was going to a therapist or to the police.
Depending on the age of the child, “Tough Love” is the only option. The rule of “behave my way, or hit the highway” would rule if the child is passed 16. I would never consider handcuffs or tying any child to some thing. If they are even to that point get them to counseling, get them to a Rest Home Facility (I can only think of our closest one is “Pine Rest” about 50 miles away). Somewhere that allows for restraints if that is the only option, but don’t do it yourself. Parents are not trained to deal with the emotional trauma of something that severe. Get your child AND YOU the help you need.
I dunno, but it’s still false imprisonment.
let them get arrested and learn the hard way…
as long as its somthing smaller and not too dangerous, it could whip them into shape to be handled that way. but by people who are more scary than your dad.
go on jerry springer. oh wait, i heard it was canceled?
They can go to court and petition for the detention by the court or the wayward child.
Whatever works…I teach in the inner city and encounter out of control kids daily….Juvy is a great place to get help…I referred a parent there today in fact.
This is a tough one. I agree with Issy. Once you let a child get away with so many things, you can’t just randomly start punishing them one day. It sends mixed messages. If you want your child to obey you have to teach him from the very beginning. I heard that a child’s personality is set by the age of 5. Most of the work should be done before then. Not that he’s a lost case…it’d just be harder to knock some sense into him at that age.
They should have probably done a better job of raising their kid.
But yeah, you can’t really do anything until your kid’s done something bad.
THEN you call the cops.
My mom makes me go to therapy. And then she goes to therapy. Cause we wasp it.
Therapy or alternative school.
Pray for the right answer and go from there. I will admit depending on the child you may need some pretty extreme options.
They should have spanked and punished him more when he was younger and he wouldn’t have gotten out of control.
There are some kids that are just beyond help and destined to become shit.
…Boot camp… they have them for teens you know. Once they’re breaking the law, it’s past home-grown discipline time and into serious correction – before they get taken away by the Department of Corrections….
Beatin. My grandad went as far as makin ur kneel on pointy rocks, while holdin rocks, palm up. If u moved, u got a nice belt to d back. As a result, i dnt wear a belt. Or steal cars.
Gain control while they’re young and you won’t have to worry about it.
Apparently not handcuff them to the bed.
if they are REALLY out of control, Juvy, or make them live with their estranged uncle.
Simple solution: tell the kid boarding school is in the deal if they screw up. Scares kids shitless.
’nuff said..
tell them, u can do what ever u want, but if u get in trouble, i’m gonna whoop ur ass!!! not tie u down. well maybe tie u down and then whoop ur ass! but untie u b4 the cops get there and say, no officer i never touched my son. =)
It is difficult when you have a strong-willed child to know how to discipline. Sometimes a good spanking, done out of love and not anger, will set them straight. Sometimes a grounding works. Sometimes counseling works. And sometimes it might help to call a cop in and have him talk with the kid about what is going to happen if they keep up such violent/law-breaking behavior. A parent can only do so much, but they should then not be afraid to call in some help.
Sounds like the typical American family. *rolls eyes*
If a child is beginning to go out of control, there is a thing called Boys Town which is a boot camp for teens. There are also lots of mental hospitals with counselors on hand. If all else fails, wait ’til your kid commits a crime and call the cops. Sometimes jail is a wake up call, especially when the parents refuse to bail the kid out on principal.
A long time ago, before he went crazy, I had a half-brother who started to go out of control. Some things happened and he ended up at juvey then a mental institution. He wasn’t released until he was 21. Needless to say, he was disinherited which is sometimes the best thing parents can do.
Usually kids like that have some kind of mental illness or learning disability. /27/2007 10:49 AM
<LI class=itemsubmitter>musicmom60 (message)
The old public school excuse: “Your childs not bad, he just has a learning disability!” Great idea. Not only do we let them get away with what they’re doing now, but we give them a crutch to lean on when they’re older so they’ll never have to accept full responsibility for thier actions. And of course, it hides the fact that you can’t discipine your child for crap.
I wonder how many commentors here have kids and difficult kids at that. I’m just glad that the kids vandalized cars and not killed someone.
It’s hard to say what parents can do when they feel like their child is getting out of control. Different kids react differently to things. I would go for spanking, but then again you have to remember that in America, a lot of people would consider that abuse. (And there is a fine line between the two.) You spank the kid, the kid calls the cops and tada! The father is arrested and kid goes out to steal car.
Some say let them learn it the hard way. That work with some kids too. It did with my sister. But some kids learn it the hard way and turn out ok, while others learn it the hard way and end up in jail.
But once the father had to handcuff the kid…that is a sign that the situation is more than the father can handle. In cases like these you NEED outside help. Whether it is authorities, institutions, counselors, etc.
And yes, there ARE kids out that who are not bad and only have learning disabilities. You just need to take the time to figure out if yours is one of them.
There are people who said, “well this happened to me and I turned out ok.” Well…two things. One, YOU think you turned out ok. And two, there are those who did not turn out ok.
Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this case.
My daughter is just like that. She isn’t doing anything unlawful YET. She will. They get too big to do anything but let them learn the hard way.
Someday she’s do something, get arrested, and have to sit in jail.
The Dr. Phil-meister.
He should have gone to the authorities first.
my mother has punished me more severely for things that don’t even come close to being that bad.
honestly, most people take for granted how great they have it.