August 29, 2007
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Expectations
I was watching the Today Show this morning. They mentioned that women feel pressured to have sex in relationships. They mentioned that people now get into relationships with an expectation of sex.
Do you think there is an expectation of sex in romantic relationships now?
Comments (103)
first!
Yes, just look at the media
SECOND!
RIGHT?
right.
yes. i think so.
think.
think think think.
damn it.
THIRD! woopy!!!
by the way, I get so tired of hearing about JUST THE WOMEN getting pressured. What about the pressure for a man to…’perform well?’ If you’re not sowing your seeds then talking about it around the water cooler…then you’re not “a man.”
fie on culture
I know I expect it.
Somewhat. Though I will say, the women who I used to know back home in Anchorage tended to be really aggressive, so it was usually THEM pressuring men to have sex. But yeah, with most romantic relationships that last over, I’d say, six months or so, there tends to be a subconscious notion that the couple has to do something sexual. But, that’s just based on my feelings and experiences and those around me.
-David
Sadly, I think you are correct. A lot of it stems from the media, but I think it is just our ugly nature showing its face.
If people realized the emotional bond that happens during sex, they would save it for their husband/wife. It is so freeing not to carry around sexual baggage from past relationships.
yes I think so.
yea i think so!
Yeah. But that doesn’t mean you have to. It just makes finding a significant other that doesn’t expect it/pressure you really hard.
of course. love and sex go hand-in-hand.
oh boy.
oh yes.
am i the only one who thinks it’s not a crazy expectation to have? yeah, sure; i’m not expecting sex out of my week-long summer fling. but after a certain amount of time, if you’re in a committed relationship and all…. why is it crazy to expect sex? why is it crazy to expect that if things go well, you will end up having sex with the person you’re in a relationship with?
yes, there is that expectation. it always comes up when you are dating someone. when do we have sex? a week, a month, 3 months, 6 months? the question is always there.
Of course there is. You know, there aren’t time constraints on sexual activity in relationships. It’s not as if you meet some one and a clock starts ticking. I completely agree with Kestryl.
Yes…but it’s both way, not just the men.
Yes there is.
But I’m not complaining.
I like sex, I don’t see anything wrong w/ doing the ‘dirty deed’ when in a relationship. As to when it is expected it is between the two people within the relationship and how comfortable they are with each other and within the relationship. Though some relationships are purely physical :S
Ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
YES.
That’s why you need to date men that aren’t perves. But they are so hard to find. Basically if you’re not having sex with your boyfriend most people think that there is something wrong with you. Or him. Or both. And if you are dating someone that believes sex outside of married is okay, and you think that it is not okay…wow what a shocker.
Yes
Not for me.
Yes
Duh, yes.
RYC: Oh, you flatter me, Dan. The problem is that I’m too lazy to ever post now a days.
I think for the most part yes…
“Now”? What makes now so different? It’s been like this for years.
definitely. Especially since the percentage of people who wait til they are married is something crazy like less than 10%.
Yes
I think both genders have a lot of pressure. It’s all based on media expectations.
Yes
Oh yea, no doubt about it..
I believe sex is not everything, but a very important part of a relationship.
Yes, but that doesn’t mean its required. The people who REQUIRE sex at the begining of a relationships are assholes. But yes, I do EXPECT sex close to the start of a relationship. Not out of some obligation, but because it just happens. If it doesn’t I may be disappointed, but that won’t stop me from pursuing that person.
I hope not.
I don’t feel pressured or pressured into having sex at all.
There are at least in my relationships. I don’t know about other weirdos who don’t do the nasty.
Outside of the Christian community, yes. Inside the Christian community, well, expectations vary.
While we’re on this topic. People should go dutch. Why do guys always have to pay?
Oh and ditch the whole charade that women aren’t interested in sex. I hate that, when women say they don’t want to have sex; like its something to hold over their boyfriends. If guys did this too, no one would ever have sex, haha.
Seriously, why do guys have to pay?
Are we paying for your meal, or are we paying for your company? Don’t you have a job?
/stopping
//should have stopped a while ago
Yes.
yes yes yes. Sex is too common now a days.
oh yeah, on my commute to class this morning I was listening to the radio and the top was sex in relationships as well.
ooops, topic*
Yes, I do think there is a high expectation of sex in a relationship now. And it has NOT always been that way. People were a lot more conserved back in the day. Of course it still happened, but it wasn’t nearly as common. I a big believer of saving one’s self until marriage. Though now-a-days that’s not really the “cool” thing to do. Not that I care about that.
yes, but it’s not just the men who expect it, but i don’t think there’s nything wrong with it if both people enjoy it.
And yeah, haha. “Hi, my name is Jessica. And I have a photography addiction.” The first step to recovering is admitting the problem, am I right? =]
RYN: I think the place Tazie liked best was with her people. She didn’t enjoy walks very much (she had joint pain) and she was a couch potato! If she had liked being outdoors, I would consider spreading her ashes somewhere, but she was the type of dog that just wanted to be around us! (especially if that involved laying on the couch with her head in your lap…)
Absolutely. It’s completely expected, now.
yes and anyone who says no is lying or just really blind.
Which makes the fear of an STD all that much more prevalent.
Depends on the people involved, I suppose. Not everyone feels that it’s necessary, and some prefer to save that for the “real thing.”
Sex is expected EVERYWHERE! Even in public restrooms with people of the same gender! Relationships has nothing to do with it.
Probably. I don’t really know, I wouldn’t expect it.
Yes
Yes.. but go tell that to the parents who think their daughters will be virgins until the day they get married.
Yea. The problem is that we are pressured way to soon in the relationship (heck, before it’s a relationship). A good topic, Dan, would be do people believe in the 3 rd date rule (sex)?
Sex is expected EVERYWHERE! Even in public restrooms with people of the same gender! Relationships has nothing to do with it. This_Is_Important
haha ..too true.
interesting. i dont expect sex at all, in or out of a relationship. i have to kind of wonder about people who hop from bed to bed all the time. honestly, i think less of the people that are with them.
hypothetical situation: girl: “hey, do you want to go out this weekend?” me: “um, didnt you date guy A? thanks, ill pass.”
really, the STD thing bothers me, as does the fact that there will always be bagage, whether she says so or not, im not interested in being compared to some other guy she’s had, even if it’s favorably.
“now”!?!?!?
hasn’t there always been … elsewise, where did we all come fro? storks??
really, the STD thing bothers me… ionekoa
Good point, ionekoa. I wonder how people live with themselves wondering if they have an STD. I read all these comments and most of them make me sick. So, if I wait till the 3rd date with a guy I barely know, have sex with him, I’ll be ok? Come on, it’s just sex right. Everyone does it.
No, I’ve just shared an intimate experience with a guy I barely know… I’ll carry that experience with me the rest of my life. And I’ll carry any diseases he had…because he sleeps around too. NO, it’s not worth it.
I’d rather have sex with one guy and one guy only… for the rest of my life!
To quote Marvin Gaye, “If the spirit moves you, let me groove ya.” I’m back, Dan.
yes
Totally, it’s been like this since the start of 2000. Probably before that.
The decline of morality has been going on for decades.
Regrettably yes.
I don’t understand the question. Why is it even an issue? Unless you’re talking about underage couples, which it doesn’t seem you are.
It’s like the implication is that expecting sex in a romantic relationship is a new trend or is unwholesome. Making love is the ultimate expression of love between two people, and if you’re in a romantic relationship, that implies you are with someone who you love and who loves you. Making love is natural part of that. Yes, I would expect that a romantic relationship should lead up to making love, and I would expect the woman I’m with would expect that it would as well, otherwise it’s not a romantic relationship … it’s a friendship.
Yes.
There should only be an expectation of sex within marriage, but within marriage that expectation is more than reasonable. In fact I would say that for either partner to deprive his spouse of sex to spite them is a grave sin within marriage
yup.
Yup. Put out on the first date or get put out forever.
not in our house! we have a very poor record. mainly b/c we’re both so tired all the time.
I expect the people I date to have sex with me. The only exceptions are when I date virgins. I dont put pressure on them to have sex, but I make it clear that I am experienced and I do enjoy having sex.
I dont understand what is wrong with being female and wanting to have sex as much as a man.
Yes, there is that expectation.
I think so…… I found it amusing that when I saw this post in my subs, there were 69 comments at the time. LOL…..
Of course! Hasn’t there always been? I think to men sex is one of the meanings of life hehe.
Yes. I think it is sad.
Well, yes, but that’s really not anything new. I’m not convinced that the “good old days” where everyone waited for marriage truly existed. It’s wrong to put pressure on somebody to have sex with you if he/she doesn’t want to, or to require that by date X you will be having sex, but I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to have expectations/hopes of eventually having a sexual relationship with that person. Also, what’s with the focus only on women feeling pressured? Men get pressured too, maybe not so much by their partners but by the common misconception that you’re not a real man if you’re not having sex all the time.
Women are dumb. At least the ones on The View.
yes
Hasn’t there always been? I’m in high school, so I’d say it’s a month or so tops before you’re expected to at least lend a hand.
there must be because I have sure seen some high hopes crashed and burned.
Yeah, and I’m pretty sure the expectations go both ways. But is that really new? Honestly?
it very much so is. I wasn’t even dating this guy seriously and i expressed to him that I’m not sexually active right now, and it will take some time before I’m comfortable doing so. He said he could wait. 3 weeks later he told me he is a man and has needs and I should be doing my duty. and how other women are throwing themselves at him.
asshole
so of course i told him to say goodbye to me and indulge himself wihtthe plethora of women, he got mad and persued me harder. thankfully, he is out of the picture.
as far as men having to perform well, think about it. you only get better wiht practice and teaching, seriously. so if you’re sleeping with someone and not performing well and they’re complaining, you shouldnt be sleeping with them. it should be a time to learn each other physically.
PeAce Love Soul
Duh. Thats all men think about. And when they’ll be fed, also. Can’t forget that.
Nope. Been in a loving, stable relationship for 14 months now and we’ve both decided to wait until marriage BECAUSE of the usual expectation that surrounds us.
S. Majere x
well, yeah…part of th erealationship is to please each other…
yes.
I think society has more expectations of a couple to have sex than couples expect it in their own relationship. Of course, lots of couples do have sex, but lots of couples believe in chastity until marriage too. It’s society and the media that makes everyone believe that everyone else is doing it and anyone who waits is a liar or a freak.
definitely
Sadly, yes.
Yes. Why wait to find out ur lover is a dud in bed? Like it or not, there has to b a chemistry in bed, n u shouldnt need a marriage 4 dat. N most guys pressure, but girls give in. Takes two to dance, as they say.
yup
i think i could care less, however – it’s hard enough to find a fella who will fit the bill intellectually, romantically, and treat-me-well-ly, i don’t want to worry about that shit
throw romantic out of it. there is no such thing as romance, too often, these days.
for the most part, yes
Oh yeah. I’ve had guys cheat on me left and right because I wouldn’t put out after the 3rd or 4th date.
I need to feel something stronger than just a mutual attraction. There needs to be love or the act itself is animalistic and uncaring.
Screw the guys who only want to get their dicks wet. There are plenty of whores for them who are willing to open their legs for self gratification and nothing else.
I think it is, but I only date guys who respect my wishes to wait until we’re both ready. The more I think about it, though, the more I want to wait until I’m married. That’s just how I was raised.
it’s un-romantic to be pushing it.
…….of course
it’s difficult for me to say there is that sexual pressure in dating relationships these days (being that i’m married)… but i think it’s pretty much a given – of course there would be pressure in this day and age!
And i do agree with izzymae – it is sad, especially cos of the emotional bond during sex and the baggage it adds to relationships down the track, as opposed to staying married to one partner
Might i add how shallow DFWGOD‘s comment is: “Yes. Why wait to find out ur lover is a dud in bed? Like it or not, there has to b a chemistry in bed, n u shouldnt need a marriage 4 dat…”.
I’d say it’s not hard to have chemistry in bed! What’s harder is finding a lifelong companion? Anyone can please ya sexually so there shouldn’t be a need to find that out, so urgently, before marriage. Besides, when youre old and grey it’s not the sex that will determine the relationship, is it? that’s when life focuses on what really matters… and while sex is more than important there is more than the relationship than that!
I think people don’t know how to find true satisfaction and are tricked in to believing that sex is part of the answer… when it’s more of an awesome expression than a solution. No wonder people are left so hurt and lonely. I mean, really – sleeping with people to see what your chemisty in bed is like? shallow.
Sadly yes…
Always, at least to some extent or another.
unfortunately
Yes. And if you don’t put out, you’re automatically a prude.
Don’t you love the media?
Most definitely.
Yes