September 26, 2007
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Age of Responsibility
This is part of a message I received from AL_GAConnection
“At what age should a young adult be responsible for their own well being? Such as…work, pay their own living expenses (housing, food, transportation), make decisions about their future and the responsibilities this entails (college, move out on their own, etc.).
In essence, when should a parent cut the apron strings with their children? I realize this is based upon ability and maturity of the child, but when is the age to that these responsibilities are NOT the parents anymore?”
At what age is a parent not responsible for their child anymore?
Comments (104)
I’d say 25 at the latest. Gives them time to get through college (bachelor degree) and get a job, etc.
First! Even though I’ve been financially responsible since 18 and living solo since 21.
depends i know alot of 18 year olds that act like 7 year olds
but it would be better for the kid if the parents stopped paying for this and that
at 18 or 21
It really does depend on the child. But on average, I’d say 21, 22.
Above the second decade of age, DEFINITELY.
18/19/20
I’d say somewhere around 25. I think parents can gradually start the process around 18, giving them more responsibilities, preparing them for the big MOVE OUT and GET IT TOGETHER.
But that’s just me.
Oh, and ideally, I would say it should be before that…but I am looking at 25 as the “end of the line” age.
by twenty-one we should all be able to supply ourselves with our own beer money….
but besides that, maybe 24?
WHEN THEY’RE BORN
According to the pro-death ilk.
By 25 the parents need to step on back and let their baby sink or swim for themself!!!
It really varies on each individuals. Some I would say at 21 yrs old which they are pretty much legal age for everything.. But I have met very well mature people that already grew up too fast at the age of 16 or up.. But most ideal would be 21 or so..
it depends upon what the parents have agreed to do in their childs life and their plans. Some parents choose to pay for their kids college, then it should be 23 and 25, but otherwise, if a kid is just going into the workforce at 18, 19 or 20.
around 21 or 24 I would assume
This really is something that should depend solely on the maturity level of the child. I have known some people who were financially independent at 15 and others at almost thirty are not even close. I think that 30 is a little old. However, this does depend a lot on how a child was raised. I went to school with some kids whose parents wouldn’t allow them to even think about having a job until after college because they felt school was that important that there couldn’t be any distractions.
not in college between 18 and 20, in college at the completion of a bachelors or 25 years. but this can be varied by what the person is doing, if you’re paying all your expenses except for college fees like i am it could be different.
25
I won’t be done with law school until 25.
now, I have worked as an undergrad, but not because I had. I worked for my own spending money, and that was the first step.
Next summer I start work as legal clerk, and my boyfriend and I will move in together. That following year, our expenses are our own but my Dad will still be putting me through school.
Once I graduate, that’s it. My car insurance and everything will be on me, at that point.
I think all these people who are saying 21, obviously never went through college trying to pay their way. I think between 25-27, even then my Mother says true financial independence comes at around 30. I’m trying to pay my own rent and buy groceries, and at close to minimum wage, it’s not easy so I do appreciate the help my parents give me occasionally.
I do not know
My parents help my sister out with money even if she at uni. My parents help me since I am at still living at home and would help me out if I did not live at home.
Post-college.
Parenting never ends.
Help out when needed.
even when ones adult son or daughter has a family- Families stick together
It all depends..
Some just need their parents more than others..
Whatever age they graduate from college and/or get a job. Or, if they haven’t done either by then and aren’t working toward either, 25. But parents will ALWAYS feel responsible for their children. It comes with the title.
Once they graduate HS they should be expected to start paying into the household if they are going to live there. If they are going to college they should still have a part-time job and 30% of their income should go into the household. If they are away at school then they should still be responsible for providing for their own entertainment funds, etc.
I can understand give “seed” money to help get them started while they are getting a job after college but they should be weened off of dependency as soon as possible.
I’d go with 2 years after they get a real job, or by thr age of 25.
I kinda think my parents are going to never feel im old enough for the responsibilty though, they really really like to baby/spoil me, espcially my mother…
It depends. I have been on my own since I was 16. I think 25 should be the latest for anyone.
I’m very surprised to see all these comments who are saying in the 20s. I was married, in college, and on my own at 20, so I was leaning more toward 18-19.
You know thinking of it as a mother of 4 children. I guess I feel that my job never really ends. I mean if they come to me at 18 or 50 and are in dire need and need my help am I going to refuse them? no. They are my family and thats that. I do my best to raise them to be independant and know the value of hard work and right from wrong and all i can hope is that I did my job and they will be fine. If not I should help them.
It depends on the person. But I’d say whenever you graduate college is a good time to move out and become independent. Before that, it’s hard to do unless you like living on ramen noodles and sharing a dive with 10 roomates. But that still doesn’t excuse people in their 30s who are working on their Ph.D (or just plain not working at all) and still hiding out in their parents basement. I’d say anyone who’s older than 26 or 27 needs to grow up and get out.
24 or 25 sounds good. Parents should allow their kid to at least get a bachelor’s degree and a secure job before allowing them to move out on their own.
That’s hard for me to say. I’d say post-college at some point, but there are a lot of factors that could play into the decision.
ryc: I am proud!
Wow… these are old ages! I’m wondering though–do you mean completely sever ties and be fully independent? I don’t think that ever happens for a lot of people. I mean, we ask and do favors for our friends–that’s dependence. The age I think parents should stop holding our hands and let us make our own mistakes is 18–going off to college, voting, etc. We should be able to get from point A to point B on a daily basis by ourselves. We’re out in the real world. But that isn’t to say we don’t need a little help sometimes.
However, in the case of severely retarded individuals, if they’re not put in a home, their parents take care of them for the rest of their lives. And some of us are mature enough to go it alone at 16; some of us need a little nurturing a few years into college. It depends on the person.
I think it depends on th attitude and respect of the child .If the kid says “When I turn 18 I can do what I want” and proceeds to do all the things formerly forbidden then I believe with that freedom should come the responsibility of supporting yourself and your choices . If they try to live within the guidelines that their parents have set then I think that helping them thru college / full time job if possible is good.
There is a huge problem with the question as the person admits that maturity is a factor, but they want to find a definitive age too, as some people, no matter their age, will never be mature enough to live on their own.
As long as they remain a “child.”
RYC: It exhausts me too.
i think that it is a gradual process…not because that it should be, but because that’s what things have come to with our generations. an observation i’ve made: college seems to me to be a prolonged period of adolescence. it no longer ends when you’re out of your teens, but lasts for many college students because they are still being at least partially supported by parents, don’t have responsibilities other than school, and are at this period of time where they’re trying to “find themselves.” the term “adolescent” never existed until highschool and college came around and created an alternative to providing for oneself once maturity hit. there is this sort of incubation period for us to discover our own maturity. the pros of this is that we have a strong sense of self (or ideally, we should). the negative is that there is a prolonged clutch to immaturity and selfishness that comes with adolescence. the phase of adolescence just keep growing and growing as the generations progress. i think its one of the biggest explanations for our generation.
times are a changing…I was financially done with my parents at 17 and still put myself thru college. My own kids are a different story…the financial aid that was available to me, is not there for my kids and the economy is different. I will help them get settled on their feet-be it working, or thru college. My son is already completely independent at 22, but my oldest kid is moving back home to start a job here in town and get on her feet-she is 23. my two youngest are 20 and still live at home and go to school full time. we’ll just have to see how it all goes.
18. End of story.
I think that responsibility should begin lessening at 18. No later than 25.
It depends on the child, but a parents is always responsible to help their children out when it is not detrimental to the child’s well-being. I believe 26 is a good age to move out on your own, but perhaps they’ll still need help. It’s not a parents’ decision to just push the baby out of the nest. We’ll want them around forever.
About 25. It depends on the child. Financial needs and educational ones. Sometimes being a parent means helping out. Parents need to encourage their children’s independence.
I think everyone who says it’s impossible to pay your way through college etc. at a young age just isn’t trying hard enough. I know several people who are going to college, living on their own, paying their own car/insurance payments, cell phone bills etc. And, at the ages of 19&20 they don’t receive any help from their parents…
It’s possible, people, it’s just a matter of how hard you’re trying.
Their legal responsibility ends at 18.
But if they want to extend assistance to the child beyond that, even way beyond that, that is their prerogative. Many people in my generation have returned to live with their parents in their mid-late 20s. And they are all – including me – responsible people with educations and jobs but who stay with their family either by choice or because of high cost of living.
In other cultures, parents are not in such a hurry to kick kids out of their home. There are many people who go from their parent’s house to their spouse’s house. If you come from one of those cultures, it’s not so odd to be living with your parents as an adult. Even if you come from this one, it’s becoming more and more acceptable, as it becomes more and more difficult (because of rising costs and static entry level salaries) to begin a life.
i think college (or college age) is the transition. where the child starts to pick up his/her own responsibilities and such
so like 17-21 ish. if you’re old enough to buy cigs and booze you’re old enough to be responsible to clean up the mess you made and go into work….so you can pay the bills
Good question – my 21 year old just came back home, and there’s no way he can manage himself yet. I always said 21 is the age of independence, but my oldest has some disabilities and other issues, and although I feel I should be “done” by now, and concentrating on my younger two, truth is, the oldest is the neediest one and still needs guiding and learning and growing up, almost more than the other two. It’s very draining.
25 is okay then. That’s good to know.
When they feel like it!
A lot of people are saying 21, but I bet those people just don’t remember being in college.
I think it’s more reasonable to say 24-25 because they’re out of college by then, and have hopefully established themselves a little better with what they’ll be doing. However, many people go to grad school, and I think the parents should help pay for that a bit too, so it’s hard to say an exact age.
I think cutting the ties is a gradual process. First you let them buy their own living expenses,then let them pay their own insurances, then you stop paying their rent, and then finally when they have a good job that’s it… on their own.
I am 26 now having just had a birthday and I still live with my parents. Why? four reasons. 1. I am in college and it is cheaper than the dorms. 2. I pay rent in a mutually agreed upon manner 3. I help to take care of my bedridden father. 4. when I was in my late teens early 20′s I went on 6 mission trips with the North American Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention. each one was about 2-5 months and so for a large block of time, my plans for moving out were put on hold so I could do missionary work and cement in my own mind what I wanted to go to school for. Now as I said earlier I am in college and I am paying my own college bills.
In bible times when a male child got married he simply added on to his father’s house and then the son and his wife would move into the add on. When I was in Houston helping out at the food pantry, almost all of our hispanic families had at least 2 generations if not 3 living with them. What is this rush that we have to kick family to the curb? I am paying my school bills, I am paying rent, I am paying towards the family utility bills and so why should my parents kick me out? what is so wrong with living with family and taking care of each other?
The easy, technical answer is 18 yrs old.
However, I think that in order for someone to be able to make good decisions for themselves as an adult, they have to have practice making decisions about important matters. This can start as early as 2-3 yrs old. It’s part of a parents’ responsibility to help their child become their own person, who can think for themselves. This starts with simple, easy choices like picking one of 2 outfits to wear for the day, or choosing what sorts of foods will go into their lunch that day (which, of course, is a choice made between certain foods that the parents has pre-chosen, so the child will always end up with healthy things to eat, you’re not just letting them raid the pantry and have chips and soda for lunch b/c “that’s what they chose”). Over time, you give the child more and more responsibility in making their own decisions and choices. That way, the child is going to be much better prepared to make smart choices for himself when the time comes to make the really important decisions.
id say somewhere between 18-21
18 y/o’s have a habbit of abusing power least the immature ones…
(which is most of them)
so to refine my answer ill say…
parents are responsable for there kids untill they move out or turn 21.
Of course, there is no clear cut answer for this question. But I would hazard a guess somewhere around 25. By that time, the child should have acquired enough tools through school and life experiences to apply it to an independent lifestyle. Additionally, in an ideal world, the child should have saved up enough money to live on their own… and also have a steady well-paying job.
That really depends on teh child. Special needs kids will be at home long after they should be responsible for themselves. Some young folks are responsible very early, some aren’t. I really don’t think there’s a definite age…but I think 25 is a good age. In general.
I can tell you from personal experience a child does not learn anything about real life until they are on their own. I just did this to my college age daughter recently due to financial problems on my end. I went from paying for everything and getting no thanks to making her get student loans and a full time job to pay her bills. Funny thing is she thanked me for it. Not because she likes having all the responsibility but because now she gets it.
Graduation of high school, or 16, which ever comes first. Parents should only provide their children with an education (if they can afford it), and shelter after that age. Then, once they get their first degree, only shelter. Shelter should be for life.
18 or 21 depending on the maturity of the child
ryc amen to that!
RYC: Yes, you’re right – but yesterday, I had to take him around to get things done, as he isn’t allowed to drive right now, and off meds, isn’t in any functional shape. He should be in hospital, but they wouldn’t admit him. He has to follow strict guidelines at home, or he will be taken to the Salvation Army or a men’s shelter. He’s got one more chance to try to do the right things if he is living at home. If he chooses differently or refuses the help that we’re all trying to set up for him, he will be shooting himself in the foot – again – but he’ll have to do that elsewhere.
I think 18 is fine. It’s our job as parents to teach and prepare our children for the world and if we can’t do that in 18 years that’s too bad. It’s not stopping being a parent, but if parents were responsible until 25 financially, well I can just imagine. Really, kids should start learning the values of a job (like babysitting or a paper route) and saving money as early as possible, keeps them from growing up to be moochers that just expect other people to be responsible for them. Too many kids have educations and don’t know how to use them when school is done.
My parents let me pick my own college so I guess I started having freedom at 18. I pay for my own tuition and such, but I do not pay rent or contribute food, pay bills, or pay my cell bill because my mom believes that paying off my college bills is much more important than forking over 20 bucks for the cell bill when the majority of the time, she’s the one calling me.
The deal is that as long as I am in college and paying my own way, then I will not have to pay rent to live at home over the summer. It’s a good deal.
When they start college. I mean, a student of medicine, for example, won’t graduate in at least ten years… so yeah…
15-16ish. That’s when people should start accepting the consequences of their actions.
Whether their parents continue to support them after that age is up to them.
Well, I would say that once you become the age of 18, is when I child should consider having a life and responsibilites of their own. (As that’s the legal age of becoming an official adult here.) What I mean, is that, once they reach that age, then their parents’ are no longer obligated to attend to their responsibilities for them.
Take care.
somewhere between 18 and 21
If they’re out of school and working and living with their parents, they should at least be contributing to paying expenses – electric, gas, rent. I know when the time comes, hubby is going to disagree with me, but that’s my take. That’s how it was for me growing up. I don’t think, however, that parents are ever no longer parents. They just shift responsibility to advisory positions once their kids are on their own, and then only advising discreetly unless directly requested.
Whenever they can support themselves, but as a general rule I’d say 25
18.
after high school with the exception of them paying for the college, but not grad school
As a parent I will always be responsible for my child, however I think by the time she graduates High School she should get a job, part time if she’s going to college. I don’t care when she moves out though, whenever she’s married I guess.
My mom and stepdad decided it was the day after I graduated high school. For me, I say 21. It don’t want my kids to be like my brother in law, who stayed with mommy and daddy until was 27, despite being a college graduate and holding down a high paying job. Who then had the nerve to look at me when I was eightteen, and tell me that college wasn’t the best idea for me at the time, unless of course I decided to learn a trade. Prick.
yeah, i’d say somewhere in their twenties.
although, this could bring about another question, of how most kids think they’re able to handle their life when they go to college, and do stupid shit while they’re there…
as soon as they turn 21 and hit the bar.
My parents are generally cutting the strings with me. I pay me own food, rent, college, etc. They pay for my car insurance and phone bill. They know that no matter how hard I try right now, I can’t pay those two bills on top of everything else. Eventually (when I graduate and get a real job) then those will be my responsibilities as well.
I think 25 should be the cut-off point, unless something goes wrong in the persons life later on down the road. Then I don’t see any problem in the parents helping out, unless they are enabling them to be irresponsible.
Parents now adays do everything for there kids. Friend of mine got a SAAB after he got his license. I’m only 16, and I already have to pay for my cell phone, car insurance (once I get my license) and other things. I don’t get money from my parents to do anything, so most outings with my friends I have to fund on my own. I find that these little things do teach responsibility and maturity.
after college would be the last straw. -_- gotta grow up sometime…
Hmmm, well I pay for most of my stuff… I dont pay for my cell phone… and I live in the dorm as a single graduate student cause its cheaper – but on breaks i still go home for a week on thanksgiving and a month of christmas during the break, partly to see my family and partly because the dorm is closed
good question – I say 22 to 30 (18-21 to some who do not go to college), depending on how well people adjust and how easy or hard it is to find job and whether they go on to graduate school and whether they are single or married – all those are important variables.
Daniel (doubledb)
When they get their very first job after college.
legally its 18, but at that age i dont think people can fully support themselves. i say once theyre out of college.
my parents have always told me that they’d be there for me if i was struggling financially. we’re relatively well off as a family, so we can afford that luxury. but some families aren’t so lucky, and i’d say it depends on how much the parents can afford.
i know in CA, cal grants pay off almost everything (tuition + books + rent) so they don’t need parents to help financially. I, however, needed my parents to help pay tuition because the govt decided i wouldn’t receive any cal grants. so…while my friends were off spending govt money, i was working two part time jobs for money for bills, food and books. (my parents paid tuition + rent)
Those strings should be cut by age 21-
I like the idea of 25, it makes sense… to get the child throu school and what not… but I was living on my own and paying my own way @ 17 and that was not by my choice…
It depends, but seriously, after college.
Of course there are situations that are beyond control, but 28 and your mommy paying your rent, that’s pathetic
18 if the kid is being a pain in the arse, later if they deserve it.
Family is forever.
If children are raised correctly then they will take responsibility for their own expenses when they are finished with their education, get a job and earn their livelihood. Parents should always be there to lend support, not necessarily monetary, but emotional and family support always. My door will always be open to my child if he ever needs to come home after he leaves. There is a difference between children raised correctly and spoiled children who expect to live off their parents forever. Those type children were not raised right and it is the fault of the parents.
I’m out of parent supervision once I’m done with college.
Ugh!
20-ish, because…I guess it just seems right.
I have 15-year-old friends who have the responsibility of 5-year-olds, and I hate that. But I also have friends that age whose parents make them pay for EVERYTHING(food, clothes, car insurance) who are very responsible. I’m sure no matter what age you are, there are always gonna be different kinds of people with different levels of responsibility.
I would prefer that now (I’m fifteen). Of course, me being licenses-less is a big hurdle. So 16 sounds nice. Of course, that really won’t work, what with certain other restrictions. 18 is my final answer
once you’re out of college.
To be able to make their own decisions – 18. That doesn’t mean that I am going to shoosh them out of the house or stop paying, it only means that they are free to make those decisions and I am free to pay or not pay.
by 18 the kid should be able to. if the kid could not support themselves if they had to by 18 then there is a problem. i think that as long as the child is capable and has a reason for not doing so by 18 (such as going to college) then additional time is resonable. I think that if they do go to college though, they should be independent by 6 monthes to a year out of college.
and as soon as they are married, of course. If they get married at 18 it doesnt matter, they need to support themselves.
It has to be gradual. I started when I was sixteen. This was when I was expected to pay for gas to get to work and I paid for my own clothes and all social activities and extracurricular trips. Eighteen it was understood that my education was up to me and me only, this includes textbooks, rent, food, utilities. Now I’m 20 going on 21 and I pay for a good portion of my health as well (eyes, stuff that my insurance doesn’t cover). I am also expected to take my cat to the vet using my own money. For some reason my mom is pretty benevolent with my cell phone bill but that’s it. By 23 I will undoubtedly be completely independent. As for other people, it’s all how one is raised and what kind of means you have. Face it, if you don’t have the money to give to your kid, they will grow independent much faster.
Dan, I honestly ask myself this question every day. I don’t think it’s as simple as a level of schooling OR maturity.
It keeps me up at night, more so every night. I’m a senior in high school, fairly mature, theoretically entering college next fall, and totally lost as to how I shall live 45 minutes away from home without my parents. Sink or swim. Or, join an assisted living center right out of high school, which seems like a less pleasant but realistic option. That can’t be right either, you should see my college-prep transcript.
When you die.
? …. ’til death do you part….?
Peace
I was 18 when I moved three hours away and got my own apt and job, I myself think that was to young, so I think more on the lines of 25.
I think early 20s for most people. It obviously depends on the person but, I think the majority should be able to support themselves before the age of 25.
My daughter is 28, I still worry about her, but shes an adult and on her own, I don’t feel responcible for her.I believe in most cases once they are able to work for themselves parents are more or less no longer responcible for them, unless something catastrophic happens
I have heard the part of the brain that deals with critical thinking (good decisions, cause and effect, consequenses) is not fully formed until around 24. That seemed to be a magic age for my 3 daughters – stay tuned for the 5 grandkids!
Peace and Joy from The Hermit Loon
p.s. I post daily thoughts at http://delboltblog.blogspot.com
I’m 19 and I pay for everything except my phone bill and 1/2 a car payment (mom’s insistance…she’s not quite ready to let me be a total free bird…i think paying partial makes her feel still needed.). I live in a house by myself and I work full time doing night audit at a hotel. It’s really not that hard. I think the sooner a person learns to depend on themselves the better.
It truly does depend the child. My son will never reach that “age” because he is developmentally disabled (Autism) and will never be able to care for himself because our government and tax payers don’t see any reason to give him a proper education. But hey, as long as taxes stay low, who cares if my child dies in the streets once I die, right?
Growing up in an asian house hold I’ve been very much independent, but growing up in America I’ve learned that families here are different. Parents tend to nurture thier kids well into thier 30s, and in some cases 40s. Even though the child is independent, the apron strings are never really cut, depending on how strong your family bond is. They will always be there for you. I matured a lot faster than some of my friends, and you can’t really put an age restriction on maturity. Its not somethign that can be measured. But according to the US government 21 seems to be the age.
I say around 18-21, or when they get a job and start paying their own bills. Some people try crawling back to their parents to freeload off of them after awhile. I say no. Once you enter the real world, you can’t leave.
There are some situations where it’s alright to go back to your parents.
I can’t say much for myself right now >_<