September 30, 2007
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Adoption
If at the age of 20 you suddenly found out that you were adopted, do you think you would want to meet your real parents?
If at the age of 20 you suddenly found out that you were adopted, do you think you would want to meet your real parents?
Comments (112)
First! Yes, been there, done that. Long story, but I’m glad I found them.
Where the hell is my comment? I wrote one…and it’s not here.
Actually, I didn’t just suddenly find out at 20, but I was in my early 20′s when I found my birthfamily, with the help of my adoptive parents. What a blessing they have all been to my life.
20? probably yes
Probably not.
W E I R D. I said, “Maybe just for curiosity’s sake, but I am not sure. When I was younger, I actually had thought about what it would be like if I found out I was adopted. But the idea was unlikely to be true; I look too much like some of my family member’s to make that a possibility.”
Okay, that looks rude. I meant, “WEIRD” about where my lost comment went – not about the adoption question. Okay, sorry about the multiple comments. I am done now. Promise.
No, there would be no point IMO.
My parents aer the people who loved and raised me. If I found out “now” at my age, (thirty something) I would feel the same way. I would have no desire to meet the “biological” parents. None what so ever.
No.
Maybe?
The best part about it for me was finding my biological, full sister – it has been so good for both of us, and our families. Our children have cousins, everyone is close; I don’t know what I’d do without her. We missed growing up together, but we both had good, happy childhoods, and now we are the best of friends. I have WONDERFUL, supportive adoptive parents, and I’m so happy I became their daughter.
It was good to get the questions answered, see people who looked like me, and get to know my biological mother and know what she went through. I consider my biological father merely a “sperm donor”, unfortunately.
I think so.
It’d be nice….then again, If I were a parent, I’d tell my kids if they were adopted. I mean, just look at Eddie Vedder.
No.
definitely
Yea, expand my family circle. Finding out whom I was born from.
Been there, done that. Except, I did that at 15. Prolly the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
hmmm…I will be pissed of at my parents that raise me for not telling me that I was adopted. Why hide the truth in the first place? I got five cousins that are adopted and they knew they were adopted from little age up.
I’d be very curious about them that’s for sure.
yeap but my adopted parents will still be mom & dad to me
Maybe.
Yes, I would seek them out. It is always good to know your biological heritage.
I would. I am too nosey.. not to.
yup!
Nope. Your ‘Real’ Parents are the ones that raised you, not the ones that gave birth to you.
No. I wouldn’t really care. Why look for someone who wasn’t there. They would be parents biologically but not mentally, emotionally, or time-ly….yeah.
Steve-n
Sure.
yes, but they would never replace the people who raised me.
Actually, I’m not sure I would.
My parents have done such a fantastic job of raising me and I love them so much that I don’t know that I’d even feel the need to meet a family that decided it didn’t want me.
If I did decide to look for them, I think it would be more out of curiosity. I doubt I’d start spending Christmases with them or anything.
i would be first off mad that my mom didnt tell me
and i dont know it would be hard i would be scared if they were really freaky people
Yes, but I would never consider them to be my real parents.
Of course, for both practicality’s and personal curiosity’s sake. What if your blood relatives have inheritable physical conditions that you wouldn’t have known about? And everyone who was the least bit curious about themselves would want to know.
Yeah, just once, and only to tell them that I know the truth but don’t need them in the least.
No. Unless I needed to contact them for medical reasons. but if I was raised by someone else my whole life then they were my real family, and the person that gave birth to me has their own life completely separate from me. it would be unfair for me to hoist myself into it.
20? I would be incredibly pissed that my adoptive parents didn’t tell me sooner!
yes, i would want to get the right version of the story. Why they gave me up, how much did they earn for selling me, if they didn’t sell me, what the hell happened etc. etc.
But of course, it’s not like they would take over and be my parents, my adoptive parents would still be my mom and dad.
It would be a interesting experience, you know, a whole twillight zone of ‘what if’s’.
Be good for medical histories as well.
’nuff said…
I don’t know. If the info of who and where they are was readily available, then maybe, just out of curiosity. But my parents would always be my parents. To me, a biological connection to people I’ve never met doesn’t mean much– those who helped raise me are my true parents.
I would already know my “real” parents, but I might want to meet my birth parents just out of curiosity and to obtain some medical history. When asked by doctors, most adoptees have no idea what illnesses run in their family
Yes… pretty much been there, and done that. Though I always knew my step-dad adopted me.
I think we have to remember in this situation, that sometimes it takes more love to give a child up for adoption when you know someone else will provide for them better, than it does to keep that child.
Only for medical purposes; it’s important to know what diseases you might be susceptible to.
I wouldn’t, I think, suddenly love and want to be with my biological parents. As far as I’m concerned, my parents are the ones who raised me to be who I am–not people who just happened to fertilize an egg and then abandon the baby.
to me, my ‘real’ parents are the people that have raised me.
so no, i wouldn’t bother trying to find out who my biological parents were.
i would. i’m curious like that. not knowing would leave a void in my identity/background. i’d want to know, “do i have my dad’s eyes and my mom’s smile?”…
it is amazing how most who have answered this think the worst about the parents who had “theoretically” given them up for adoption.
Not sure. I probably would.
As someone who is adopted (but found out, by mistake, early on in life) I struggle with that very question. I, however, don’t really have a desire to meet my biological parents, I would just like the truth about my adoption (I’ve been told several different stories as to the details behind it all) and, more importantly, be aware of my medical history. When I became pregnant with my first child I asked my mother for information (this is a VERY taboo subject with my parents….they don’t want people to know) but all she would say is that she was unaware of any serious medical conditions and that if something should happen she knew could find a way to contact my bio mother. WTF?????? Anyway, as frustrating as it is I’ve resigned to the fact that I may never know my true history.
My real parents would be the ones who raised me, but I would be curious about my birth parents.
I think I would. If they gave me up for adoption they did what they thought was best for me, and I am thankful for that. My cousin gave up a baby for adoption and I think it would be kind of cool to meet her sometime, if she wanted to meet us when she got older.
it is amazing how most who have answered this think the worst about the parents who had “theoretically” given them up for adoption. pseudoecho
That is pretty interesting. Speaking from experience, I found my birth family, maternal side, to be quite normal – just a typical family – and my birth mother having been in a sad and difficult situation in 1960, where she felt she had no other choice at the time, due to her circumstances, than to make an adoption plan so that I would have two parents and a good upbringing. She wasn’t freaky or weird or anything. It was VERY good to know the medical history, finally, and very important stuff there that otherwise, I would have had no idea – this information has been VERY important to know during my pregnancies and childbirth, for my children, and as I grow older and start developing some of the same medical problems.
Yes, my real family are the people who raised me. Absolutely. Unfortunately, I lost my mom when I was 28, but my dad is 81 and still here, and he is a peach – I love him so much. No one else is “Mom and Dad” but them.
depends on my mood
**you are already living with your real parents.** the question would be would you want to meet your *biological* parents.
in answer to your question: probably not.
At any age i would. It would answer a lotof questions about genetics since many traits are passed on at birth even if adopted. Just to find out. But I agree with Davocrinator, your “real” parents are the ones that raised you.
I’m not sure. That is a question that I would not be able to answer in an instant after I found out that I was adopted. I’d have to brew on it for days or months first.
yes!
Of course I would! When you are trying to put a puzzle together you need to have all the pieces. Not having vital information, even the sound of someone’s laughter/voice can be the smallest piece in ‘the big picture’.
yes
I’d probably see where i got my nose from.
What’s so bad about biological parents? Wouldn’t you want to meet your biological mother and tell her that you turned out okay, and she made the right choice?
I mean, it sucks they had to give you up, but that’s definitely not an easy thing to do.
You betcha.
Yes, if that were me. Curiosity, medical history, and just to know. That would not negate what I thought about the “family” that raised me.
20, probably not, but i might wanna kill the ones i thought were my real parents.
Yes.
I know someone who has, and it’s a good thing, too. Just after he learned who his birth mother was, his adopted Mama died. So now he has even more family than he did before, another mom and dad, a little sister and some cousins. Lucky guy! http://www.xanga.com//InnovativePercussionRLTB
I believe I would…
I don’t look at adopotion as “abandoning”. I agree with what shortethechilehead said:
“I think we have to remember in this situation, that sometimes it takes more love to give a child up for adoption when you know someone else will provide for them better, than it does to keep that child.”
Eh…idunno. Depends why I was put up for adoption in the first place.
“Your ‘Real’ Parents are the ones that raised you, not the ones that gave birth to you.”
I agree with davocrinator.
Yes!
I would want to, if simply to see if I had other siblings. Maybe to get a family medical history, too.
If at any time I found out I was adopted then no. They gave me up and never wanted to find me so why should I find them? Besides your parents are the ones that raise you.
I don’t think I could ever give up a child that was mine. Not even if I absolutely had to. I would find someone I knew that would take it not a stranger
no.
Yes, out of curiosity. But that’s all.
I don’t know, it would depend on a lot of things…
I have only had experience (personally) with step parent adoption. I am in awe at a HS friend who recently adopted a baby and claims she loves and will remain in open communication with the birth mother.
My husband was a victim of being given up by one parent in a bitter divorce (step parent adoption) and left to step parent adoption. His birth father contacted him when he was 18 and he made the choice to meet him when he was 21. He enjoyed the visit but has no desire to include the man in our lives. Sadly, hubby’s mother found out and has ultimately disowned him. So now he has no roots.
I am adopting my step daughter. Her birth mother gave her to me when she was 19 months old and begged me to take her. She is 7 now and the process has been slow and expensive and she is a very confused and angry girl sometimes. She bad mouths her mother sometimes but I know she secretly misses her and wants so badly to understand her. The woman is bat-shit crazy though so I am scared that meeting her as an adult will be hurtful.
I struggle to see giving a child up as anything but selfish. If you aren’t in the position to raise a child, be selfless enough to change your position. I did. You are inflicting permanent abandonment scars. Someone may ultimately be able to fill your shoes, but I can never make the ache of abandonment go away from my husband or my step-daughter.
To answer the question, not knowing what I know now, at the age of twenty, would I seek them out? No. Because I was pretty stubborn and dead set on independence at that age. I had family members I had been estranged from since early childhood and I had no desire to contact them. I still don’t.
i don’t think so. i have parents. the fact that they didn’t give birth to me wouldn’t change the fact that they are my real parents.
I would probably want to see them, thought the extent that I would want them in my life would not be very great.
NO
But maybe at a later age
Yes. I would want to know.
sure
No. After the anger, I would hopefully get to the point that I would be thankful that they gave me a better life and I wouldnt want to possibly tarnish that great image i have of them.
I would want to meet my biological parents,I hope that I would reguard the ones who raised me as my ‘real’ parents.
yes.
I think that I’d want to meet my BIRTH parents, yes. But would not want to hurt my REAL parents who raised me.
You’d think at your age you’d have realized by now that parents who raise, love & care for a child ARE the REAL parents.
I found my birthmom when I was 19… it was a great experience…
Well, I’m 20 now, and soon to be 21.
Yes I would.
Because my mother in real life died years ago.
But if I was adopted, my mother would Still-Be-Alive. . .
if my adoptive parents were okay with it.
yes but only so that they can take me out of here.
i dont think so, if my real parents had not made any attempt to see me in 20 years i dont think they’re worth my time. not to mention the fact that they set me up for adoption in the first place, i know it can be rough sometimes to have a kid, my brother is 20 years old and a father, but he is taking care of his son, of course it cuts into your life but thats no reason to just drop the child off somewhere.
Yes, however your “real” parents are the ones that raised you. But it’s nice to actually see what your biological parents look like, and if you have brothers or sisters that kind of stuff, medical history.
Yes I think I would. I am very inquisitive. I don’t think I could not try to find out.
If they had no desire to see me then no, bo ut if they would be open to it why not? My dad hasn’t seen me since I was 5 y.o. and plenty of opportunities to see. I have no desire to see anyone who doesn’t want to visit me.
I don’t think so. I’ve spent enough of my life around adoption to know that biology doesn’t count for spit.
Yes.
Yes. I would be curious about what I came from, not to mention possible biological illnesses that I could be a carrier for – family history and whatnot.
Of course, idk how I would feel at 20, but that’s how I feel now at 18.
Yes. I would be curious about what I came from, not to mention possible biological illnesses that I could be a carrier for – family history and whatnot.
Of course, idk how I would feel at 20, but that’s how I feel now at 18.
Sure, I’d want to meet them. I agree that “real” parents are the ones who raise you. But I still think it’d be interesting to see where you came from (physically).
My little sister has met her biological mom (used to have visitation with her when she was little). But I don’t know if my nieces will ever meet any biological relatives, since they were born in China. Still my brother and SIL would like to take them to China one day to visit, so they could see where they came from.
Nope. They aren’t your real parents. Just the people who gave birth to you. Whoever raises you is your parents.
are*
Definitely. Whyever not?
Real parents…I already know them. Biological parents. Hmmm. I’m still working on the courage to meet my biological dad. He’s done nothing for me except run away BUT I’m so damn curious what traits I got from him. Yes I do want to see him and learn about my heritage from Syria. Although my real parents would be the ones who were truly there for me and didn’t consider me some accident that they didn’t want.
I met my birth parents at 20. But I was told I was adopted from the very beginning.
meh. i dunno. i’ve always been curious about birth order and genetic inheritance and stuff, so maybe yeah. but the people who raised me will always be mom and dad. i’m not going to immediately emotionally attach myself to random strangers, as they often portray in the news/movies.
I’m guessing I would, even if it weren’t a positive experience. I hate not knowing why. I’m guessing, unless they had a really good story, that I’d probably be rather disappointed.
Yes
I think so.
i think it depends on the person, personality, and who they are or sense of self/identity. i wasnt adopted but felt meeting my dad helped with finding who i am. my aunty was adpoted and, as a teenager, decided she didn’t want to meet hers. i think either way it’d b a huge decision
As someone who has never been there I’d like to offer an outsiders opinion. I think I would want to meet my birth parents simply to find out why, and find out about my biological family. But if I were raised in a family who loved me as much as if they had given birth to me through their love, I think my journey might end there. Maybe a relationship with the birth parents on a friendly basis. But you have to do what’s in your heart. Throw logic out the window and do what your heart tells you to do
Definately – I am way too curious of a person.
Having been adopted myself, no, I wouldn’t. I was adopted at the age of 5 after being in a foster home for a couple years and I’ve never had any desire to meet my biological parents. The little communication I’ve had with my 2 much older biological sisters over the years has caused enough unrest… meeting (or even hearing from) my biological parents would cause an emotional upheaval. My case worker told my adoptive parents that the situation I came out of was the worst she had seen… I was very young and therefore have little memory, but there are a few sketchy ones that are unpleasant and I know that my relationships and the way I handle things in my life today have been greatly affected by that stage of my life…
no, they made a choice to get rid of me, why would I bother them?
yeah, because i’d be curious.
Since the 1970′s it has been relatively easy for a pregnant woman/girl to abort. It is no easy thing to carry a child for nine munths and then surrender the baby for adoption. It is a heart-wrenching decision that almost always is all about what is best for the baby. SELL the baby as someone said?? Hardly ever happens in this country. It is painful and emotionally draining to let go of one’s child. One never really gets over it. Some women have no emotional support, or are in no situation to care for an infant. It take a lot of courage and love to let go of parental rights, knowing you may never in this life lay eyes on your birthchild again.
Whether there is a reconnection should be first up to the child. I think it’s wrong for a birth parent to force their way in after surrendering rights. But, if both wish to reunite, it should be with the understanding that the relationship would never be one of “normal” parent and child…