i think being a virgin is very hindering in this day and age
“Wise”? Yes..I think avoiding the risk of STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.. Is, wise.
Of course…especially in this day and age.
It doesn’t matter. It’s their body; let them do what they want with it.
Yes
Yes!
YES!
I don’t know that it is a matter of wisdom, but it is a perfect example of the morals that our society once had that needs to be gotten back to. I think it is definitely wise with the way the world is to save yourself for a lasting, monogomous relationship.
It most definitly is.
Yes, I tried to do it..but in the end i walked down the aisle four months pregnant.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
There are pros and cons to it. Its certainly a lofty goal. I think its always wise to wait until you are in a serious relationship, but if you do it before marriage with someone you love you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it.
and noble…
but I don’t think that the only thing Christians should focus on in relationships is NOT having sex… there is so much more to work out and discover before getting married.
Wise, sure. Feasible — that’s debatable.
Yes, society cannot dictate to God what he expects of us.
It depends. Virginity till marriage can become a burden by your mid 20′s if you aren’t married yet. The older you get, the more it sets you apart from “normal”. Once you are 27, everybody you meet has children, and what mom is going to look at you and say, “this guy knows what it means to have a family”. No, she’ll just say, “this guy is naive. He probably looks down on me for having a child and being divorced.”
Virginity after college limits your options in life.
No, that’s quite old-fashioned.
Yes, I can think of know better way to so your love to the one you will marry by being willing to wait until the God ordained time for sex. Talk about an incredible gift to one another as husband and wife on their wedding night. No better way to show your loyalty also. God bless your day!
~Grampy~
Virginity through college is a good thing though.
Yes. Being ‘good in bed’ or ‘having practice’ are just lame excuses for sex whenever you want it.
MEN ARE NOT FREAKIN’SHOES!
For crying out loud melissamj4!
If that’s how most women are then I can see why similar men wouldn’t want to get married.
And why would being a virgin hinder anyone in any way? That makes no sense! Companies aren’t going to reject you becasue you are a virgin. Schools won’t reject you because you are a virgin. If someone says they won’t marry you becasue you are a virgin then they are the biggest idiots ever. Becasue all they want is someone who is “good in bed”.
To everyone who wants to be or wants someone who is “good in bed”:
DEFINE good.
See if ya’ll come up with the same things.
most people who are virgins on their wedding night get married between 18-24
Wish I had.
im, 30, unmarried, a virgin, and male, im not really sure how its “unfeasable” or even difficult. seems like an argument of the weak to me. honestly, i expect the same thing of anyone i would devote myself to. and while that may sound cold, i saved myself, why should i settle for someone who didnt?
I would like to find out before I marry someone weather they are terrible in bed, snores like a dinosaur, and/or drools puddles on my pillow.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
11/13/2007 10:26 AM melissamj4
I don’t understand your comparison. It only works if the marriage is entirely for sexual purposes and not much else. If you love the person enough to want to commit to them for the rest of your life then I don’t think whether or not they’re good in the bed is as relevant.
Yes, I think it is wise. Though I fail to see why ‘this day and age’ would make a difference? Yes, kids are pressured as young as 11 to have casual sex but that doesn’t mean they should.
i think its a great goal, but if you don’t reach it, don’t beat yourself up. There are more things to live besides sex, which a lot of people don’t realize.
I think it’s old fashioned as well. It’s wise to be smart and learn and protect yourself.. but I’m so glad I didn’t wait. #1 if I was married to my first I’d be miserable and so would he. #2 I never would have found my husband.
If for no other reason, it should be because there are so many friggin’ diseases. That makes it a smart thing to do.
I’m waiting mainly because I don’t want to have a baby and end up getting screwed with school…it’ll make it difficult…I’ll take my BA first. And I just think if I can hold out, it’d make it special. As lame or old-fashioned as that might sound to some people. But, I don’t hold it against people if they don’t. I come from a family of that. My grandma had my dad with some random guy, then he left her when he found out…my mom was getting sick on her honeymoon ’cause she had my brother in there…and my brother’s son was born before he got married. To each their own.
It’s a great goal for young people; too late for some of us who are “old” and later along in life, but still wise to wait
I think it is a good way to prevent STDs. As for it being a hindrance, it only is if you let it be. How you react to your virginity means more than whether or not you have it. I don’t tell guys straight up that I’m a virgin, but if it comes up, I’m honest about it and don’t act like it’s a problem. Being a virgin (or not being one, for that matter) is only a problem if you act like it is.
“I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on
earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my
life without first tying him on?”
I so agree.
If you’re not a virgin, then I advise you not to have sex. If not, put on your raincoat, or make sure he’s wearing one.
wise, sure?
Being a virgin is not a bad thing, it should be something that people applaud even.
For me NO- when I first got married back in 1986, we did not have intercourse- My Now husband & I slept together even before we knew each others last name.( heh, call me a ‘ Ho ! )
I believe not sleeping with my first husband was a big mistake- If I had slept with him – I am sure I certinally Wouldn’t have married him !
Just being in Love does Not Guarantee a great sex life- You have to be physically attracted to them too !
It’s a lofty goal. A moral goal. A good goal. Wise? Not so sure. In this day in age finding a spouse who also has not had sex also is fairly difficult. If I was a virgin up to my wedding day, I would also want the person I marry to also be a virgin.
Yeah, I think so.
That’s my goal..
I think your question should have been worded differently. But yes, it is a wise choice. I am surprised how many other xangans think so also.
It is if you marry a virgin!
not really. sexual satisfaction and compatibility plays a huge part in relationships nowadays, and i thinks it’s best to have some experience with it. it’s natural and people should be educated about it on a few levels. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION THOUGH! unless a couple consists of both virgins and are willing to be patient with each other sexually while learning at the same pace, having sexual experience would only help things along in mainstream relationships.
Oh please! “Normal”?
Oh many of the people who made that comment do you think regularly preach that we should be “Normal”!
Bullshit.
since when is it realistic to associate any sort of sexuality with wisdom? no one is sensible or wise when it comes to sex
Absolutely. It may be a challenge to keep your virginity but who says challenges are bad? By facing challenges we grow in wisdom and self-control and many other facets of our character that make us respectable humans. Of course, I ended up prego before marriage- but the only person I’ve ever been with is my hubby. Still, I look back on those days with shame and regret because of all the mess it caused.
Wise…but difficult. I agree that no sex through college is definitely a wise idea!
Wise? Well, if you get married a virgin your husband is terrible in bed and has a tiny penis, I suppose it’s not like you would know that your sex life sucks. So ignorance is bliss in these instances.
I made a conscious decision to not be a virgin and not get married, and I don’t regret it. For me, I think those decisions were wise. It’s the type of person I am. And I hope to meet someone with similar goals. I’m out to have relationships, not cater to the expectations of society.
It’s highly unlikely in this day and age, besides it’s nice to know there’s a ‘good fit’ beforehand!
Do you buy a car without test driving it first? Do you buy a dog without seeing if it even likes you? Commitment, man!
AIDS, genital herpes, chlamydia….and the list goes on and on. I would say it’s a wiser goal to have now than ever before.
I hope so for my sake.
totally agree with ImportedKokoPuffs.
It will always be a wise goal. Some traditions are good and stand the test of time. There are however drawbacks to it. Unless your partner has also saved themselves for you. Sex it the easy part. Anyone can be sexually compatible if they work on it and communicate. The hard part is everything else.Loving somebody spiritually and emotionally is not always so easy, and yet if that part of the relationship is lacking, then everything else doesn’t matter.
It is neither wise nor unwise to have pre-marital sex. It doesn’t matter one way or another.
The only thing that would have changed if I remained a virgin is that I would have had a lot more sexual frustration. I’m sure you will find the same true for most people – those that actually are educated about the subject of sex and sexuality.
Yes
Depends on who you are. Personally, it wouldn’t be right for me, because I could be in love with someone I wasn’t necessarily going to marry. But for some people, they choose to wait, because of their religion, chance of unwanted pregnancy/disease, or because they want to only have one sexual partner in their lives. As long as one proceeds with caution, it is neither “wise” nor “unwise” to have premarital sex – it depends on your beliefs and your limitations.
I’ve met a lot of virgin girls and let me just say this…boring. I respect them as a person but I can’t tolerate their attitude. They’re boring, not the least bit fun, never understand any sex jokes or innuendos. With this being a new generation in society where sex is important then yes, it hinders. I say do whatever you want. Most people who are virgins before marriage are either religious or incapable of being social with the opposite sex. My best friend married a virgin girl and he says she is a very naive person when it comes to sex and kind of puts a damper on their sex life, however he still married her for other reasons. I’d like my partner to have experience with satisfying my sexual needs and sexual experience is a big part in a relationship to me. I’m not religious at all either so I don’t want anyone throwing their Jesus mumbo jumbo on me.
yeah.
Waiting until marriage is a bit much considering many people put off marriage until thier late 20′s early 30′s I can’t wait that long. However, I’m not even going to think about it until I’m at least 21 or out of college. Preferably both. I’ve seen too many of my friends (who ironically use protection) fear that they have an STD or that they’re pregnant. One of them is two months pregnant right now.
Absolutely. I can say so from the experiences I have had this year alone.
Never ceased to be.
yes, i did it
Yes. It’s very wise. No doubt about it!
I’m not sure how realistic it is for some, considering our culture and the fact that people are getting married at older ages than they were in history.
It’s not a wise goal if you are horny…
I really hate in-your-face virgins.
It’s a personal choice, but they better not preach to me.
If you aren’t a virgin, a lot of nice/sweet/conservative girls won’t like you. Same for nice conservative guys..they don’t like shoes that have been worn many times. If you sleep around, you deserve people that sleep around…so if you get STDS too bad.
Yes keep your virginity!
It’s working for me so far, and I’m 22. I haven’t run into any problems as a result of pledging to remain abstinent until marriage.
Yeah, and actually just a few days ago I was thumbing through God’s Outrageous Claims by Lee Strobel, and in the section discussing sex he cited some statistics that said couples who abstain from premarital sex are drastically less likely to get divorced or commit adultery. So it’s statistically supported wisdom.
Wise, but how many actually can achieve that.
it depends on your religious views.
Wise or otherwise?
Yes, it’s a good choice. Won’t miss much, if you wait till marriage.
absolutely. bringing no sexual baggage into a marriage is very blessed thing.
yes
I think its really cool.. but.. wise? Can’t say I really believe that. What if your partner SUCKS in bed (no pun intended) then your stuck. (again.. no pun intended)
I’m very surprised by all the comments saying “yes.” I don’t know. Wise is also difficult to ascertain – is it wise to get married too young because you just want to have sex but won’t do it before marriage?
From a Christian standpoint, that particular issue is not about goals, really. It’s about commands.
To love the LORD your God with all your mind, heart, and strength, now THAT’S a wise goal.
dan, I’m confused about the way you asked this question… when would virginity not be WISE? as if there is some advantage to sleeping around? or some possible evil lurking around the corner if you don’t experiment sexually? virginity is always a wise decision.
I would have expected you to say ‘realistic’ or some other such adjective. very interesting.
They’re boring, not the least bit fun, never understand any sex jokes or innuendos.
while I blush deeply and squeak in embarrassment upon hearing them, I DO understand sexual jokes and innuendo. you can’t randomly choose three or four movies made in the last five years, watch them, and come away still ignorant about sex. and this is just your opinion anyway. most of my guy friends think it is cute that it embarrasses me.
doesn’t matter. don’t judge people. “oh, you’re not a virgin? nevermind, i don’t wanna marry you anymore” haha. none of that.
More like unrealistic.
Yes, though I’d like to know how many people who said “yes” actually WERE virgins till they got married…hindight is 20/20, no?
I agree a lot with UnworthyOfHisGrace–for me, it’s a lot of different reasons. Because God said so is a major one… also because I don’t want anything to get in the way of going to med school. I think I’m very conservative in relationships as far as modern standards go–I just had my first kiss a few weeks ago, and I want the first night with my husband to be a completely new experience.
What if your partner SUCKS in bed
this is the most vile and shallow qualification for a spouse I’ve ever heard in my life.
and it bolsters my opinion that even for Christians marriage really has no point except to say, “okay, have sex now.” marriage is not just about sex!
and if your partner sucks in bed the first few times, tell him (in a nice way, obviously, lol) what you want and try again. if you’re married, the security of knowing neither of you are going to walk away based on one bad experience will give you the ability to be okay with his or her lack of expertise.
but seriously. that statement? shallow and vile. because nowhere in that attitude is a spirit of giving or of selflessness. if your partner doesn’t do it exactly the way you like it (see below), then you wish you’d never married him? how about you concentrate on pleasing him (or her, as the case may be) because he is your husband and you love him and you like to make him happy?
and there is another advantage to virginity, in my opinion: you don’t have such a set in stone idea of what is good and what is not, what you like and what you don’t like, which gives you the freedom to try things out with a good attitude, thereby upping the chances that you both will enjoy it. this is an advantage psychologically, as it will serve as a very strong bond that only this one other person knows the little things that you like, that make you unique as a lover.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M TALKING ABOUT THIS. my face is about as red as a tomato. but I also can’t believe the selfish and crazy ideas my generation has about sex and marriage. if anyone is offended by my frankness (though I doubt it, haha), please forgive me.
Losing your virginity is really blown out of proportion, I think. It’s not a big deal, it’s a natural process. But having sex is so emotionally bonding (at least if you don’t exploit sex), I feel I’d want to be as close to my future spouse as possible before I marry them.
for me that is not a goal but i’m sure it is the way to go for some.
Yes.
absolutely. It’s always a wise goal.
Wise, yes. Difficult, yes. Safe, yes. Respectful to your future spouse, definitely.
yes
I think I would have issues believing someone that said they were a virgin unless they just woke from a very long coma, but disease free is a definate plus.
No.
I wouldn’t acquire a new pair of shoes without trying them on first and the shoes would stay in my life for a much shorter time than a husband. Any man who would not agree with me on that concept is probably not someone I would want to married to anyway.
We asians are more concervative so i guess its not so much of a problem here…..as far as i know. It does happen but on a much smaller scale. I’ll say do try your best Many great people in the bible have fallen down because of lust.
as a christian
of course
why wouldnt it be?
i think you should be as sexually expierenced as your partner
I think I want to be a virgin when I get married, but I don’t care if he is or not, as long as he hasn’t had a bunch of one night stands.
“Yes, though I’d like to know how many people who said “yes” actually WERE virgins till they got married…hindight is 20/20, no?” – Nikolais_apprentice
It says a lot about virginity and waiting if people who have made their own choices and already know the results are saying yes. I think it would be wise to listen to them.
I think it would have been of more value if the question were…”How many people did not wait until they were married and what would they suggest that others do”?
goals are supposed to be ideal and impossible.
I think most girls try it, some guys claim to, but overall most everyone agrees its a worthwhile goal. I tried but wasn’t successful. Still I did marry the guy that took the cake…
0% risk of pregnancy or contracting STDs…
once-in-a-lifetime gift to give to someone very very special…
the perfect wedding gift…
YES!!
I don’t see the point.
Christ, who cares? It shouldn’t matter.
“Yeah, and actually just a few days ago I was thumbing through God’s
Outrageous Claims by Lee Strobel, and in the section discussing sex he
cited some statistics that said couples who abstain from premarital sex
are drastically less likely to get divorced or commit adultery. So
it’s statistically supported wisdom.”
Correlation does not equal Causation.
Your statement does not mean abstaining from premarital sex means you will be less likely to divorce or commit adultery.
Yes…and there is a good reason for it.
I think it’s a noble goal, and with all the diseases fluttering around it’s certainly not a stupid idea… but other than that, I don’t see much point anymore.
You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, right? And how do you know that what you’re getting is good sex if you have nothing to compare it to?
You only have one life, you might as well live it up while you can.
I hope to taste a few virgins before I get married.
If it’s what you want.
I waited until I found the man I was going to marry, but it seems less important now than it did eight years ago. If a person is in a loving and committed relationship, the number of partners shouldn’t be a point of contention. Now if you are talking about staying a virgin to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs then of course its wise since the only safe sex is no sex…
Yes, STD-wise. There certainly more of those. Very unsafe. Better sex education is necessary. No, because the American culture is saturated by false conceptions of sex and when you get married and you realize your not sexually compatible (or you are, for the first three months then it dies and you don’t know how to cope) you’re not ready for that and it causes all sorts of issues and then you get divorced.
It’s a personal choice. It used to be sleeping around made you a slut. Now not sleeping around makes you a freak. Sex is a personal thing, if some people want to have sex with many people and no attachments- good for them! If somebody wants to wait until marriage- good for them too! It really shouldn’t matter what others think about your sex life (unless you have sex with them). You have to do what makes you comfortable, what you believe in and what makes you happy.
This goes both for people who enjoy sex with different people and those who want to wait and have sex with only one or a small number of people in your life. It’s nobody else’s business.
I do think teenagers should be encouraged to wait at least a little while. We should stop scaring them with STDs and just tell them to be careful in life. Likewise we should stop glamorising or demonising sex. It’s part of life and everybody does it.
Over hyping all the negative aspects about sex creates a culture of fear. We should be open and honest about the risks and the pleasures involved too. Kids can do stupid things sometimes but they aren’t stupid.
Not likely, but sure.
yes no matter what age you are!
Yes….for emotional as well as physical reasons!
Yes.
<li class=”itemsubmitter”>blessed_saint_catherine Let me just answer a few of your comments about how shallow people are who want a good sex life. If you have never had a bad sex life, then you really don’t know what in the heck you are talking about. There are men out there that you can smack in the head with a boulder the size of Texas and they STILL don’t get it. You can tell them they are not good, you can leave articles laying around on ways to please your woman, you can scream shout, refuse sex, coach them til you are blue in the face, moan really loud on the good stuff, and get quiet on the bad stuff, and they still don’t get it!!!
Guess what? I KNOW from experience how frustrating and annoying that is. There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than knowing you can masturbate and have more fun then enjoying an intimate sexual experience with someone you love. No, sex is not the only important part of a relationship, but people know GOOD sex makes a GOOD relationship even better. For crying out loud, what’s the point of make up sex if it just pisses you off again because it is lame?
It is important, and yes I throughly believe if you are in love and committed to someone you should WISELY see if you are sexually compatible or if you even can be. Finding out too late can and will cause problems in any relationship.
I find the answer to Dan’s question a no. I don’t think it is wise to wait, but I always don’t think it is wise to whore around either. Save it for love.
This is a good question, Dan.
I would say yes.
It all depends on what YOU think is right.
Absolutely!
ABSOLUTELY!!! It shows respect to God, respect for yourself, respect for your potential spouse, and it would save a lot of people from emotional pain and regret.
I think it is a beautiful way of life. If you love someone enough to marry them and devote yourself to them for the rest of your life, why would you not wait for such a person and give them the very best of you? Would you want the love of your life to be second in line for anything? What is the big hurry?
I think it’s a great idea really. I’ve known a lot of people who screwed up their lives by screwing around too young.
I think it’s a wise goal in any day and age.
it would be wise but its not a realistic goal. human nature can vouch for that.
Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? You got less to worry about if you wait until marriage. You asking this question just shows that our society is going downhill.
Virginity is a largely useless state, but damn, it makes ‘em easier to snag up.
Marriage, however is far more useless.
Since I was attacked when I was 5, I really didn’t have that option. I believe people should wait if they can though, because it’s a sign that you are ”giving yourself totally” to the other. There are also alot of scary things you could get if you run around having sex with different people before you marry.
More than wise, it’s good. And that should be what matters.
I think if you are wise and you are careful, then you can have sex before marriage.
I personally value my virginity, but I don’t think its right to try to push my values on to someone else.
oh most definately.
It’s a PERSONAL CHOICE. Some find it wise and some don’t. Just because some don’t think it’s wise and do have sex before marriage, doesn’t mean the others have the right to judge and call names.
Yes it is a wise and good goal if you are a Christian (and even if you aren’t). The Bible teaches that it is to be reserved for a husband and wife. It’s not impossible.
One of the issues is the importance our culture places on sex. Our sexuality is only one of many aspects of who we are.
wise-yes, probable-no
No because it increases the chances you will cheat I think.
To be a virgin or not to be is a personal choice. They are the one that have to live with that. Wise or not is how they deal with it in their own way.
Of course. Who likes anything second-hand? Granted, it can be beautiful – like buying second hand stuff, but it’ll never be its pure, new form again. Ever.
Yes.
…How come so many people are relating no pre-marital sex to God?
DEFINITELY wise, and it shouldn’t just be in “this day and age”. It should be “always”.
And to those who say “don’t beat yourself too hard about it” if they’re not virgins before getting married… I think that they’re just trying to comfort themselves over mistakes done.
Sorry, but that’s what I think.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
11/13/2007 10:26 AM melissamj4
I don’t understand your comparison. It only works if the marriage is entirely for sexual purposes and not much else. If you love the person enough to want to commit to them for the rest of your life then I don’t think whether or not they’re good in the bed is as relevant.
Yes, I think it is wise. Though I fail to see why ‘this day and age’ would make a difference? Yes, kids are pressured as young as 11 to have casual sex but that doesn’t mean they should.
<li class=”itemtimestamp”>11/13/2007 10:38 AM
<li class=”itemsubmitter”>riri_maggie
ok, ok, ok
You people really don’t understand what I meant by that comparison…
There’s a LOT more to marriage than sex but if you and your partner are not sexually compatible, not even the best marriage counseling or the biggest love on earth is going to make that marriage work. When two people love each other and they have sex, and that sex is good and they are both pleased it is THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. And I can tell you based on personal experience, I had a boyfriend and he was THE WORST in bed, after 4 years together trying to work things out I just couldn’t take it anymore and I had to break up with him because it is frustrating and I am a human being and I have needs. Would you imagine if I married that guy? of course I’d be divorced by now.
Then I met my husband and we love and care about each other,we have a wonderful marriage and the sex.. awesome.
sure
Of course.
And why would being a virgin hinder anyone in any way? That makes no sense! Companies aren’t going to reject you becasue you are a virgin. Schools won’t reject you because you are a virgin. If someone says they won’t marry you becasue you are a virgin then they are the biggest idiots ever. Becasue all they want is someone who is “good in bed”. awth44
THANK YOU! I was going to write the same thing myself but I decided not to bother. People stigmatizing others for staying virgins are immature and childish. And really, there is nothing all that great about being “good in bed” It just means that the opposite sex is more likely to drool over you, thus make you a peice of meat in their eyes than a real person.
Ugh, it would be wiser to avoid marriage altogether.
Yes!
yes it’s very wise much smarter than not.
In theory, sure it would be wonderful but in practice it isn’t possiable. People tell you it is God’s will for you not to have sex with anyone but your wife/husband but what if you never marry? What if you never find that “one” person?
Yep. Wise, but many still don’t follow it. >.<
I think it depends on the person and what they want. When it feels right, it feels right. If that is only on your wedding day, so be it. But I think people who marry as virgins are setting themselves up for an awful disapointment in some cases, you can’t possible know if you are compatible with someone without experimenting. Never underestimate the importance of good sex in a marriage.
basically we have probably over 80% of your commenters with the idea that if you don’t have the most fantastic, mind-blowing sex every single night, you will be unable to function, emotionally deprived, get cancer, be in the next building someone flies a plane into, lose your job, wreck your car, be evicted from your home, and be framed for the assassination of the pope. oh, and the borg will invade.
please, no one ever tell me that america’s youth are not being sexualized via music, movies, and television. and public education.
dan, I am writing a post on this some time in the next week or so. fyi.
Sure.
Some things never change. Perhaps it is more important than ever, and to marry a virgin is important, too. (Both the man and woman should be virgings when married.)
yes; it will make you feel like you have done something smart & def. helps prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS & STD’s.
This is absolutely an awesome goal. It shows committment to a moral path. Fox News reported today that “More than 1 million cases of chlamydia were reported in the United States last year — the most ever reported for a sexually transmitted disease, federal health officials said Tuesday.” Why ould one want to run the risk of exposing themsleves or someone they love to the possibility of something worse.
Why would it be unwise? Because other people don’t? That doesn’t mean anything.
Honestly, I don’t see why everybody thinks it’s a GOOD idea. “It feels good.” O…k? There ar elasting effects here that we should be thinking about as well, but I guess “this day and age” is dominated by the easy way out. Temptation? Give in and stop worrying!
Sorry. Mini-rant. I promise I understand the temptation, but I don’t see why that makes it okay.
Wise?????? Â Prudent might be a better choice of words. Â For some, maybe moral. Â But wise?????
yes, even though it is much much harder to accomplish.
I don’t know if I’d say it’s “wise” (or “unwise” for that matter)… I think it’s admirable that someone would hold their faith so closely as to “save” their first time for their future husband. Though… I’m not sure how realistic it is.
Depends. It seems just about impossible, and the only one I would ever promise it to is my current love.
Heck YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It worked out well for me… No risk of STD’s, no worries about pregnancy, no baggage from previous sexual relationships, satisfying sex life as a married lady.
maybe a century ago, but definitely not today
Of course. Virginity is ultimate.
it’s a person choice, but i personally think yes.
as a non-virgin, i can say i think it’s a very wise goal to wait until you’re at least in a very long-term committed relationship (but i’m not going to say married, because i think marriage isn’t all that sacred anymore anyway), but it’s unfortunate, because the only real way one can know how much sex complicates a relationship is to actually experience it…and then it’s too late.
c’mon in this day and age, it would be the last sacred thing a person could have.
Honestly, I’m just not sure what the point of it is. Any time I share myself with someone I love it’s special and new. I think a wiser goal is to save sex for loving, committed relationships, and to always be safe when doing so.
Its not advised.
So many marriages fail, not because of sex perhaps, but why not make sure that part of the relationship works too.
Too bad marriage isn’t always lasting, and it isn’t always monogamous. Fix that and people will see the positives in “saving yourself.” I don’t think a piece of paper, a ring, and swapped vows has anything to do with it – if you love the person, and they love you then you two should be able to make a decision yourselves. I don’t need a book or some material items to tell me I’m ready to lose my virginity, I’ll make my own decisions and decide whether they’re right or wrong for myself.
I think since lifespans are much longer now, we should wait until we are emotionally mature enough to understand what the consequences and benefits are. 28? 30? Some folks never? It seem to work well for football quarteback Steve Young?!
It can be for some, I guess… I believe sex ia a personal thing, and both Christian and secular society try to have too much influence over what should be between two people.
I can’t help but notice that in all of the comments about the shoes, no one ever says, “I wouldn’t buy an old pair of shoes without trying them on first.” Anyway, it seems to me that the people who waited for sex until after marriage and then it didn’t work out are pinning it on the fact that they didn’t have sex first. How do you know that the relationship would have worked if you had not waited? It’s better to not have sex and find out that something didn’t work, than to have it and have all of that baggage to take to the next person.
Yep. Hubs and I both did, and have no regrets at all. It was the best choice we could have made!
It is not just the external, legal fact. It is the offering of purity to someone….to be your very special someone whom you can trust. YES, it is always a great goal. And goals can be re-set. Secondary Virginity has a lot of validity. Transparency and honesty can help build the long term relationships that are much more satisfying in EVERY way.
Absolutely. Without even considering all of the moral aspects of it, just think about all the diseases out there…. eeeeeewwwwww. (Some of which will KILL YOU.) It’s just flat out STUPID to take that kind of risk.
Yes.
People carry around so much baggage because they give themselves [mind, soul, body] to entirely too many people before they decide to get married. Signs: People are getting married later and later in life, divorce is prevalent, rise in infidelity and praise of such. I think these are all direct causes of people being confused, hurt from past relationships that were physically (and, therefore, spiritually) intimate. That kind of intimacy isn’t meant to be shared with everyone.
I was recently told by someone that is no longer my friend, that I was a person worse than her because I had had sex (with ONE guy ever, imagine that? XD )
Despite that run in with her, of course it’s wise considering you can’t trust anybody these days. Abstinence is the only thing 100% effective against STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.
But that’s not to say you’re a better or worse person for not waiting. Shit happens, y’know?
ok, I’ve read a lot of these comments…
I’m waiting for reasons that are both moral and practical…mostly practical. 1. I would get way too emotionally attached, and I wouldn’t be able to deal with it well if things didn’t work out… (then again, that is a chance with marriage too.) 2. STDs. cause let’s face it: while there’s some protection, there’s no guarantees. 3. Pregnancy. It happens even with protection. One of my roommates and her sister were concieved, even with their mom on birth control and after their dad had a vasectomy… anything is possible. also… I can barely support myself. How on earth would I support a child? That wouldn’t be fair… and there’s no way I would be able to live with myself if I got an abortion…
and the whole moral aspect… I’m not getting into.
and for those of you who are of the mindset where you have to know what you’re working with… how do you know it’s bad if you and your partner aren’t experienced?
I think that sexual intercourse is an important part of a relationship and waiting until marriage to find out if those two people are compatable in that area can be a horrible mistake. It may also lead to disappointment in the sense of making the event so important to the relationship, that it could never fulfill any of the expectations created surrounding it.
I lost my virginity at 26 and I regret it… Because no guy is worth anything these days. They come and go and don’t want nothin’ from you except for a few minutes or “hot steamy action” if you let them. At least I was careful and I got married to my now husband. He married me because of what I am, not because if I’m virgin or not.
What does wisdom have to do with it?
It’s a personal choice to have sex with one or more people before one gets married. What if somebody decides they don’t want to get married? Ever?
If somebody waits until marriage to have sex, then awesome. Good for them. If somebody wants to have sex before then, then awesome. Good for them.
And by the way: having premarital sex does NOT mean you’ll automatically get pregnant and get STDS. I’ve read a few comments like that. What a naive, closeminded, rude thing to say. Just another way for all the Christians who are uptight and closeminded (not that all of them are; just the ones who ARE) to show hatred and intolerance for anybody who chooses to live a different life style than them.
Of course. God is the same God!!! Yesterday,Today and Forever!!! And especially today with an over abundance of incurable STDs!
Depends. If both people are virgins when they marry, then there is almost no chance of them having and STD/STI Both people are probably more mature since there were able to keep sexual desires to themselves but it also may lead to infidelity. One person may start to think “is this all there is?” Of course, a person who has been on the field prior to marriage may also cheat so…. Now what about cohabitation? Is it a wise idea to “test drive” marriage?
Interesting comments. I can only comment from my experience. I lost my virginity to the man that I married. So he was all I knew. 19 years later we separated and I fell in love with someone else and had intimate relations with this gentleman. My husband then wanted to get back together, and after being with this other guy there was absolutely NO WAY that I could ever had a sexual relationship with my husband again. I had no idea how wonderful a sexual experience could be because I had never had that. It is human nature to compare I suppose. So….. difficult question really. Are you better off not knowing and so accepting what you have as normal, or are you better of shopping around?
i think the world puts waaaay too much emphasis on sex.
sex isn’t a thing to fuck around with. sex is a very important thing that can affect the rest of your life.
being a virgin in these times is looked down upon, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. it’s better than sleeping around, isn’t it?
Yep. I don’t want to deal with the repercussions and moral decisions of sex right now, and neither should anyone else. Decisions like that are medium, ’cause anything well done is rare…
DEFINITELY!!!!
hola como estas? teehhe
ever been to birmingham alabama?
Yes, I believe so. This should also be applied to men too not only to women.
“Defintly Yes!”
First of all, I’m sick of people treating sex like it’s nothing special, just another outlet for natural impulses. Secondly, I’m sick of people thinking it’s all about them. It should be a very special joining of two people, and personally, I don’t know how anyone can have sex with someone they aren’t emotionally attached to, so if you aren’t ready to deal with the emotional consequences, don’t do it. Also, for that reason, I don’t think you should have sex until you make a commitment, so yeah, I would say it’s a wise goal. I know it’s not a common goal these days, but I still think it’s worth waiting.
its wise but (and ik there are ppl who are going to think its wrong that im saying this) i think its best to lose your virginity at an earlier stage that way you get the akwardness out of the way and you know what not to do. this could maybe save marriges, cuz obviously a lot of them are ruined due to problems in the bedroom
according to the cult of true womanhood, which defined roles for a woman in the 19th century, the finest hour of a woman’s life is when she bestows her “greatest gift” upon her husband on their wedding night… just for that, i wish to sleep with as many men as possible before my husband.
does anyone else notice how defensive and self-righteous everyone seems to get when discussing sex among interwebs of strangers?
if u can last that long, more power to ya
I think it’s a good idea if that’s what you want to do with yourself, but if you find someone you think your in love with and your ready to take that step in the relationship then you should go for it but always be precautious as in using condoms (everyone and then some have diseases these days) and go on birth control if not already. Keep it safe and meaningful.
and this may sound shallow but you don’t want a person bad in bed!
no. not becoming pregnant or contracting an STD maybe
Haha, I’m glad when you have questions like these. It’s encouraging…not to mention interesting.
Personally, I think it’s great if people stay virgins until they’re married. It’s a good goal and if kept…even better.
I think sex is a step in a relationship that comes after marriage. Nowadays it’s love, sex, then marriage. Or most times it stops after sex.
For me, it’s not because of the risk of getting pregnant or an STD. It’s the principle. I’m old school. Yay.
well you don’t want to wind up pregnant and get left for some bimbo after you tell him so…. that’s best but it’s your choice.
Yes.
“Do you think being a virgin when you get married is a wise goal in this day and age?”
So you’re asking whether people should REMAIN virgins AFTER marriage? That defeats the purpose of being married.
> ….yea and nea, as there is still some competition out there in the boys ‘hood to see, to some degree, I’m not sure how much ’cause I have not polled the question, to notch as many conquests to outdo the homeboys…. Used to be the case, in a mixed bag way, but these days i dunno, I’m outside the dating pool these days…. biggest proviso is how I’m hearing from the younger ladies ignorance/under informed on sex ed, venereal disease, even dating protocols. Scary don’t even cover it. I have a few 20 something male friends who didn’t even think of condoms who now are called Daddy!! Dummies!!
Peace to all
Yes, this is what I keep telling my girls!
it’s possible but not likely.
I personally don’t want to get stuck with an ED man.
It doesn’t mater to me have smex if u want to
ABSOLUETLY!
it might be good for some. but with images in hollywood, and movies, people get curious. especially middle school and high school kids.
Comments (214)
first
yes…but look who that’s coming from :/
Yes.
Well, they’re are many positives to it.
Fuck. there*
YESSSSSSSSSS
i think being a virgin is very hindering in this day and age
“Wise”?
Yes..I think avoiding the risk of STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.. Is, wise.
Of course…especially in this day and age.
It doesn’t matter. It’s their body; let them do what they want with it.
Yes
Yes!
YES!
I don’t know that it is a matter of wisdom, but it is a perfect example of the morals that our society once had that needs to be gotten back to. I think it is definitely wise with the way the world is to save yourself for a lasting, monogomous relationship.
It most definitly is.
Yes, I tried to do it..but in the end i walked down the aisle four months pregnant.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
There are pros and cons to it. Its certainly a lofty goal. I think its always wise to wait until you are in a serious relationship, but if you do it before marriage with someone you love you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it.
and noble…
but I don’t think that the only thing Christians should focus on in relationships is NOT having sex… there is so much more to work out and discover before getting married.
Wise, sure. Feasible — that’s debatable.
Yes, society cannot dictate to God what he expects of us.
It depends. Virginity till marriage can become a burden by your mid 20′s if you aren’t married yet. The older you get, the more it sets you apart from “normal”. Once you are 27, everybody you meet has children, and what mom is going to look at you and say, “this guy knows what it means to have a family”. No, she’ll just say, “this guy is naive. He probably looks down on me for having a child and being divorced.”
Virginity after college limits your options in life.
No, that’s quite old-fashioned.
Yes, I can think of know better way to so your love to the one you will marry by being willing to wait until the God ordained time for sex. Talk about an incredible gift to one another as husband and wife on their wedding night.
No better way to show your loyalty also. God bless your day!
~Grampy~
Virginity through college is a good thing though.
Yes. Being ‘good in bed’ or ‘having practice’ are just lame excuses for sex whenever you want it.
MEN ARE NOT FREAKIN’SHOES!
For crying out loud melissamj4!
If that’s how most women are then I can see why similar men wouldn’t want to get married.
And why would being a virgin hinder anyone in any way? That makes no sense! Companies aren’t going to reject you becasue you are a virgin. Schools won’t reject you because you are a virgin. If someone says they won’t marry you becasue you are a virgin then they are the biggest idiots ever. Becasue all they want is someone who is “good in bed”.
To everyone who wants to be or wants someone who is “good in bed”:
DEFINE good.
See if ya’ll come up with the same things.
most people who are virgins on their wedding night get married between 18-24
Wish I had.
im, 30, unmarried, a virgin, and male, im not really sure how its “unfeasable” or even difficult. seems like an argument of the weak to me. honestly, i expect the same thing of anyone i would devote myself to. and while that may sound cold, i saved myself, why should i settle for someone who didnt?
I would like to find out before I marry someone weather they are terrible in bed, snores like a dinosaur, and/or drools puddles on my pillow.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
11/13/2007 10:26 AM
melissamj4
I don’t understand your comparison. It only works if the marriage is entirely for
sexual purposes and not much else. If you love the person enough to want to
commit to them for the rest of your life then I don’t think whether or not they’re
good in the bed is as relevant.
Yes, I think it is wise. Though I fail to see why ‘this day and age’ would make a difference?
Yes, kids are pressured as young as 11 to have casual sex but that doesn’t mean they
should.
i think its a great goal, but if you don’t reach it, don’t beat yourself up. There are more things to live besides sex, which a lot of people don’t realize.
I think it’s old fashioned as well. It’s wise to be smart and learn and protect yourself.. but I’m so glad I didn’t wait. #1 if I was married to my first I’d be miserable and so would he. #2 I never would have found my husband.
If for no other reason, it should be because there are so many friggin’ diseases. That makes it a smart thing to do.
I’m waiting mainly because I don’t want to have a baby and end up getting screwed with school…it’ll make it difficult…I’ll take my BA first. And I just think if I can hold out, it’d make it special. As lame or old-fashioned as that might sound to some people. But, I don’t hold it against people if they don’t. I come from a family of that. My grandma had my dad with some random guy, then he left her when he found out…my mom was getting sick on her honeymoon ’cause she had my brother in there…and my brother’s son was born before he got married.
To each their own.
It’s a great goal for young people; too late for some of us who are “old” and later along in life, but still wise to wait
I think it is a good way to prevent STDs. As for it being a hindrance, it only is if you let it be. How you react to your virginity means more than whether or not you have it. I don’t tell guys straight up that I’m a virgin, but if it comes up, I’m honest about it and don’t act like it’s a problem. Being a virgin (or not being one, for that matter) is only a problem if you act like it is.
“I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on
earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my
life without first tying him on?”
I so agree.
If you’re not a virgin, then I advise you not to have sex. If not, put on your raincoat, or make sure he’s wearing one.
wise, sure?
Being a virgin is not a bad thing, it should be something that people applaud even.
For me NO- when I first got married back in 1986, we did not have intercourse- My Now husband & I slept together even before we knew each others last name.( heh, call me a ‘ Ho ! )
I believe not sleeping with my first husband was a big mistake- If I had slept with him – I am sure I certinally Wouldn’t have married him !
Just being in Love does Not Guarantee a great sex life- You have to be physically attracted to them too !
It’s a lofty goal. A moral goal. A good goal. Wise? Not so sure. In this day in age finding a spouse who also has not had sex also is fairly difficult. If I was a virgin up to my wedding day, I would also want the person I marry to also be a virgin.
Yeah, I think so.
That’s my goal..
I think your question should have been worded differently. But yes, it is a wise choice. I am surprised how many other xangans think so also.
It is if you marry a virgin!
not really. sexual satisfaction and compatibility plays a huge part in relationships nowadays, and i thinks it’s best to have some experience with it. it’s natural and people should be educated about it on a few levels. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION THOUGH! unless a couple consists of both virgins and are willing to be patient with each other sexually while learning at the same pace, having sexual experience would only help things along in mainstream relationships.
Oh please! “Normal”?
Oh many of the people who made that comment do you think regularly preach that we should be “Normal”!
Bullshit.
since when is it realistic to associate any sort of sexuality with wisdom?
no one is sensible or wise when it comes to sex
Absolutely. It may be a challenge to keep your virginity but who says challenges are bad? By facing challenges we grow in wisdom and self-control and many other facets of our character that make us respectable humans. Of course, I ended up prego before marriage- but the only person I’ve ever been with is my hubby. Still, I look back on those days with shame and regret because of all the mess it caused.
Wise…but difficult. I agree that no sex through college is definitely a wise idea!
Wise? Well, if you get married a virgin your husband is terrible in bed and has a tiny penis, I suppose it’s not like you would know that your sex life sucks. So ignorance is bliss in these instances.
I made a conscious decision to not be a virgin and not get married, and I don’t regret it. For me, I think those decisions were wise. It’s the type of person I am. And I hope to meet someone with similar goals. I’m out to have relationships, not cater to the expectations of society.
It’s highly unlikely in this day and age, besides it’s nice to know there’s a ‘good fit’ beforehand!
Do you buy a car without test driving it first? Do you buy a dog without seeing if it even likes you? Commitment, man!
AIDS, genital herpes, chlamydia….and the list goes on and on. I would say it’s a wiser goal to have now than ever before.
I hope so for my sake.
totally agree with ImportedKokoPuffs.
It will always be a wise goal. Some traditions are good and stand the test of time. There are however drawbacks to it. Unless your partner has also saved themselves for you. Sex it the easy part. Anyone can be sexually compatible if they work on it and communicate. The hard part is everything else.Loving somebody spiritually and emotionally is not always so easy, and yet if that part of the relationship is lacking, then everything else doesn’t matter.
It is neither wise nor unwise to have pre-marital sex. It doesn’t matter one way or another.
The only thing that would have changed if I remained a virgin is that I would have had a lot more sexual frustration.
I’m sure you will find the same true for most people – those that actually are educated about the subject of sex and sexuality.
Yes
Depends on who you are.
Personally, it wouldn’t be right for me, because I could be in love with someone I wasn’t necessarily going to marry.
But for some people, they choose to wait, because of their religion, chance of unwanted pregnancy/disease, or because they want to only have one sexual partner in their lives.
As long as one proceeds with caution, it is neither “wise” nor “unwise” to have premarital sex – it depends on your beliefs and your limitations.
I’ve met a lot of virgin girls and let me just say this…boring. I respect them as a person but I can’t tolerate their attitude. They’re boring, not the least bit fun, never understand any sex jokes or innuendos. With this being a new generation in society where sex is important then yes, it hinders. I say do whatever you want. Most people who are virgins before marriage are either religious or incapable of being social with the opposite sex. My best friend married a virgin girl and he says she is a very naive person when it comes to sex and kind of puts a damper on their sex life, however he still married her for other reasons. I’d like my partner to have experience with satisfying my sexual needs and sexual experience is a big part in a relationship to me. I’m not religious at all either so I don’t want anyone throwing their Jesus mumbo jumbo on me.
yeah.
Waiting until marriage is a bit much considering many people put off marriage until thier late 20′s early 30′s I can’t wait that long. However, I’m not even going to think about it until I’m at least 21 or out of college. Preferably both. I’ve seen too many of my friends (who ironically use protection) fear that they have an STD or that they’re pregnant. One of them is two months pregnant right now.
Absolutely. I can say so from the experiences I have had this year alone.
Never ceased to be.
yes, i did it
Yes. It’s very wise. No doubt about it!
I’m not sure how realistic it is for some, considering our culture and the fact that people are getting married at older ages than they were in history.
It’s not a wise goal if you are horny…
I really hate in-your-face virgins.
It’s a personal choice, but they better not preach to me.
If you aren’t a virgin, a lot of nice/sweet/conservative girls won’t
like you. Same for nice conservative guys..they don’t like shoes that
have been worn many times.
If you sleep around, you deserve people that sleep around…so if
you get STDS too bad.
Yes keep your virginity!
It’s working for me so far, and I’m 22. I haven’t run into any problems as a result of pledging to remain abstinent until marriage.
Yeah, and actually just a few days ago I was thumbing through God’s Outrageous Claims by Lee Strobel, and in the section discussing sex he cited some statistics that said couples who abstain from premarital sex are drastically less likely to get divorced or commit adultery. So it’s statistically supported wisdom.
Wise, but how many actually can achieve that.
it depends on your religious views.
Wise or otherwise?
Yes, it’s a good choice. Won’t miss much, if you wait till marriage.
absolutely. bringing no sexual baggage into a marriage is very blessed thing.
yes
I think its really cool.. but.. wise? Can’t say I really believe that. What if your partner SUCKS in bed (no pun intended) then your stuck. (again.. no pun intended)
I’m very surprised by all the comments saying “yes.” I don’t know. Wise is also difficult to ascertain – is it wise to get married too young because you just want to have sex but won’t do it before marriage?
From a Christian standpoint, that particular issue is not about goals, really. It’s about commands.
To love the LORD your God with all your mind, heart, and strength, now THAT’S a wise goal.
dan, I’m confused about the way you asked this question… when would virginity not be WISE? as if there is some advantage to sleeping around? or some possible evil lurking around the corner if you don’t experiment sexually? virginity is always a wise decision.
I would have expected you to say ‘realistic’ or some other such adjective. very interesting.
They’re boring, not the least bit fun, never understand any sex jokes or innuendos.
while I blush deeply and squeak in embarrassment upon hearing them, I DO understand sexual jokes and innuendo. you can’t randomly choose three or four movies made in the last five years, watch them, and come away still ignorant about sex. and this is just your opinion anyway. most of my guy friends think it is cute that it embarrasses me.
doesn’t matter. don’t judge people.
“oh, you’re not a virgin? nevermind, i don’t wanna marry you anymore” haha. none of that.
More like unrealistic.
Yes, though I’d like to know how many people who said “yes” actually WERE virgins till they got married…hindight is 20/20, no?
I agree a lot with UnworthyOfHisGrace–for me, it’s a lot of different reasons. Because God said so is a major one… also because I don’t want anything to get in the way of going to med school. I think I’m very conservative in relationships as far as modern standards go–I just had my first kiss a few weeks ago, and I want the first night with my husband to be a completely new experience.
What if your partner SUCKS in bed
this is the most vile and shallow qualification for a spouse I’ve ever heard in my life.
and it bolsters my opinion that even for Christians marriage really has no point except to say, “okay, have sex now.” marriage is not just about sex!
and if your partner sucks in bed the first few times, tell him (in a nice way, obviously, lol) what you want and try again. if you’re married, the security of knowing neither of you are going to walk away based on one bad experience will give you the ability to be okay with his or her lack of expertise.
but seriously. that statement? shallow and vile. because nowhere in that attitude is a spirit of giving or of selflessness. if your partner doesn’t do it exactly the way you like it (see below), then you wish you’d never married him? how about you concentrate on pleasing him (or her, as the case may be) because he is your husband and you love him and you like to make him happy?
and there is another advantage to virginity, in my opinion: you don’t have such a set in stone idea of what is good and what is not, what you like and what you don’t like, which gives you the freedom to try things out with a good attitude, thereby upping the chances that you both will enjoy it. this is an advantage psychologically, as it will serve as a very strong bond that only this one other person knows the little things that you like, that make you unique as a lover.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M TALKING ABOUT THIS. my face is about as red as a tomato. but I also can’t believe the selfish and crazy ideas my generation has about sex and marriage. if anyone is offended by my frankness (though I doubt it, haha), please forgive me.
Losing your virginity is really blown out of proportion, I think. It’s not a big deal, it’s a natural process. But having sex is so emotionally bonding (at least if you don’t exploit sex), I feel I’d want to be as close to my future spouse as possible before I marry them.
for me that is not a goal but i’m sure it is the way to go for some.
Yes.
absolutely. It’s always a wise goal.
Wise, yes. Difficult, yes. Safe, yes. Respectful to your future spouse, definitely.
yes
I think I would have issues believing someone that said they were a virgin unless they just woke from a very long coma, but disease free is a definate plus.
No.
I wouldn’t acquire a new pair of shoes without trying them on first and the shoes would stay in my life for a much shorter time than a husband. Any man who would not agree with me on that concept is probably not someone I would want to married to anyway.
We asians are more concervative so i guess its not so much of a problem here…..as far as i know. It does happen but on a much smaller scale. I’ll say do try your best
Many great people in the bible have fallen down because of lust.
as a christian
of course
why wouldnt it be?
i think you should be as sexually expierenced as your partner
I think I want to be a virgin when I get married, but I don’t care if he is or not, as long as he hasn’t had a bunch of one night stands.
“Yes, though I’d like to know how many people who said “yes” actually WERE virgins till they got married…hindight is 20/20, no?” – Nikolais_apprentice
It says a lot about virginity and waiting if people who have made their own choices and already know the results are saying yes. I think it would be wise to listen to them.
I think it would have been of more value if the question were…”How many people did not wait until they were married and what would they suggest that others do”?
goals are supposed to be ideal and impossible.
I think most girls try it, some guys claim to, but overall most everyone agrees its a worthwhile goal. I tried but wasn’t successful. Still I did marry the guy that took the cake…
0% risk of pregnancy or contracting STDs…
once-in-a-lifetime gift to give to someone very very special…
the perfect wedding gift…
YES!!
I don’t see the point.
Christ, who cares? It shouldn’t matter.
“Yeah, and actually just a few days ago I was thumbing through God’s
Outrageous Claims by Lee Strobel, and in the section discussing sex he
cited some statistics that said couples who abstain from premarital sex
are drastically less likely to get divorced or commit adultery. So
it’s statistically supported wisdom.”
Correlation does not equal Causation.
Your statement does not mean abstaining from premarital sex means you will be less likely to divorce or commit adultery.
Yes…and there is a good reason for it.
I think it’s a noble goal, and with all the diseases fluttering around it’s certainly not a stupid idea… but other than that, I don’t see much point anymore.
You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, right? And how do you know that what you’re getting is good sex if you have nothing to compare it to?
You only have one life, you might as well live it up while you can.
I hope to taste a few virgins before I get married.
If it’s what you want.
I waited until I found the man I was going to marry, but it seems less important now than it did eight years ago. If a person is in a loving and committed relationship, the number of partners shouldn’t be a point of contention. Now if you are talking about staying a virgin to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs then of course its wise since the only safe sex is no sex…
Yes, STD-wise. There certainly more of those. Very unsafe. Better sex education is necessary.
No, because the American culture is saturated by false conceptions of sex and when you get married and you realize your not sexually compatible (or you are, for the first three months then it dies and you don’t know how to cope) you’re not ready for that and it causes all sorts of issues and then you get divorced.
It’s a personal choice. It used to be sleeping around made you a slut. Now not sleeping around makes you a freak. Sex is a personal thing, if some people want to have sex with many people and no attachments- good for them! If somebody wants to wait until marriage- good for them too! It really shouldn’t matter what others think about your sex life (unless you have sex with them). You have to do what makes you comfortable, what you believe in and what makes you happy.
This goes both for people who enjoy sex with different people and those who want to wait and have sex with only one or a small number of people in your life. It’s nobody else’s business.
I do think teenagers should be encouraged to wait at least a little while. We should stop scaring them with STDs and just tell them to be careful in life. Likewise we should stop glamorising or demonising sex. It’s part of life and everybody does it.
Over hyping all the negative aspects about sex creates a culture of fear. We should be open and honest about the risks and the pleasures involved too. Kids can do stupid things sometimes but they aren’t stupid.
Not likely, but sure.
yes
no matter what age you are!
Yes….for emotional as well as physical reasons!
Yes.
<li class=”itemsubmitter”>blessed_saint_catherine
Let me just answer a few of your comments about how shallow people are who want a good sex life. If you have never had a bad sex life, then you really don’t know what in the heck you are talking about. There are men out there that you can smack in the head with a boulder the size of Texas and they STILL don’t get it. You can tell them they are not good, you can leave articles laying around on ways to please your woman, you can scream shout, refuse sex, coach them til you are blue in the face, moan really loud on the good stuff, and get quiet on the bad stuff, and they still don’t get it!!!
Guess what? I KNOW from experience how frustrating and annoying that is. There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than knowing you can masturbate and have more fun then enjoying an intimate sexual experience with someone you love. No, sex is not the only important part of a relationship, but people know GOOD sex makes a GOOD relationship even better. For crying out loud, what’s the point of make up sex if it just pisses you off again because it is lame?
It is important, and yes I throughly believe if you are in love and committed to someone you should WISELY see if you are sexually compatible or if you even can be. Finding out too late can and will cause problems in any relationship.
I find the answer to Dan’s question a no. I don’t think it is wise to wait, but I always don’t think it is wise to whore around either. Save it for love.
This is a good question, Dan.
I would say yes.
It all depends on what YOU think is right.
Absolutely!
ABSOLUTELY!!! It shows respect to God, respect for yourself, respect for your potential spouse, and it would save a lot of people from emotional pain and regret.
I think it is a beautiful way of life. If you love someone enough to marry them and devote yourself to them for the rest of your life, why would you not wait for such a person and give them the very best of you? Would you want the love of your life to be second in line for anything? What is the big hurry?
I think it’s a great idea really. I’ve known a lot of people who screwed up their lives by screwing around too young.
I think it’s a wise goal in any day and age.
it would be wise but its not a realistic goal.
human nature can vouch for that.
Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? You got less to worry about if you wait until marriage. You asking this question just shows that our society is going downhill.
Virginity is a largely useless state, but damn, it makes ‘em easier to snag up.
Marriage, however is far more useless.
Since I was attacked when I was 5, I really didn’t have that option. I believe people should wait if they can though, because it’s a sign that you are ”giving yourself totally” to the other. There are also alot of scary things you could get if you run around having sex with different people before you marry.
More than wise, it’s good. And that should be what matters.
I think if you are wise and you are careful, then you can have sex before marriage.
I personally value my virginity, but I don’t think its right to try to push my values on to someone else.
oh most definately.
It’s a PERSONAL CHOICE. Some find it wise and some don’t. Just because some don’t think it’s wise and do have sex before marriage, doesn’t mean the others have the right to judge and call names.
Yes it is a wise and good goal if you are a Christian (and even if you aren’t). The Bible teaches that it is to be reserved for a husband and wife. It’s not impossible.
One of the issues is the importance our culture places on sex. Our sexuality is only one of many aspects of who we are.
wise-yes, probable-no
No because it increases the chances you will cheat I think.
To be a virgin or not to be is a personal choice. They are the one that have to live with that. Wise or not is how they deal with it in their own way.
Of course. Who likes anything second-hand? Granted, it can be beautiful – like buying second hand stuff, but it’ll never be its pure, new form again. Ever.
Yes.
…How come so many people are relating no pre-marital sex to God?
DEFINITELY wise, and it shouldn’t just be in “this day and age”. It should be “always”.
And to those who say “don’t beat yourself too hard about it” if they’re not virgins before getting married… I think that they’re just trying to comfort themselves over mistakes done.
Sorry, but that’s what I think.
I wouldn’t buy a pair of shoes without first trying them on, why on earth would I swear in front of God to be with a man for the rest of my life without first tying him on? hehe
11/13/2007 10:26 AM
melissamj4
I don’t understand your comparison. It only works if the marriage is entirely for
sexual purposes and not much else. If you love the person enough to want to
commit to them for the rest of your life then I don’t think whether or not they’re
good in the bed is as relevant.
Yes, I think it is wise. Though I fail to see why ‘this day and age’ would make a difference?
Yes, kids are pressured as young as 11 to have casual sex but that doesn’t mean they
should.
<li class=”itemtimestamp”>11/13/2007 10:38 AM
<li class=”itemsubmitter”>riri_maggie
ok, ok, ok
You people really don’t understand what I meant by that comparison…
There’s a LOT more to marriage than sex but if you and your partner are not sexually compatible, not even the best marriage counseling or the biggest love on earth is going to make that marriage work.
When two people love each other and they have sex, and that sex is good and they are both pleased it is THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. And I can tell you based on personal experience, I had a boyfriend and he was THE WORST in bed, after 4 years together trying to work things out I just couldn’t take it anymore and I had to break up with him because it is frustrating and I am a human being and I have needs. Would you imagine if I married that guy? of course I’d be divorced by now.
Then I met my husband and we love and care about each other,we have a wonderful marriage and the sex.. awesome.
sure
Of course.
And why would being a virgin hinder anyone in any way? That makes no sense! Companies aren’t going to reject you becasue you are a virgin. Schools won’t reject you because you are a virgin. If someone says they won’t marry you becasue you are a virgin then they are the biggest idiots ever. Becasue all they want is someone who is “good in bed”. awth44
THANK YOU! I was going to write the same thing myself but I decided not to bother. People stigmatizing others for staying virgins are immature and childish. And really, there is nothing all that great about being “good in bed” It just means that the opposite sex is more likely to drool over you, thus make you a peice of meat in their eyes than a real person.
Ugh, it would be wiser to avoid marriage altogether.
Yes!
yes it’s very wise much smarter than not.
In theory, sure it would be wonderful but in practice it isn’t possiable. People tell you it is God’s will for you not to have sex with anyone but your wife/husband but what if you never marry? What if you never find that “one” person?
Yep. Wise, but many still don’t follow it. >.<
I think it depends on the person and what they want. When it feels right, it feels right. If that is only on your wedding day, so be it. But I think people who marry as virgins are setting themselves up for an awful disapointment in some cases, you can’t possible know if you are compatible with someone without experimenting. Never underestimate the importance of good sex in a marriage.
basically we have probably over 80% of your commenters with the idea that if you don’t have the most fantastic, mind-blowing sex every single night, you will be unable to function, emotionally deprived, get cancer, be in the next building someone flies a plane into, lose your job, wreck your car, be evicted from your home, and be framed for the assassination of the pope. oh, and the borg will invade.
please, no one ever tell me that america’s youth are not being sexualized via music, movies, and television. and public education.
dan, I am writing a post on this some time in the next week or so. fyi.
Sure.
Some things never change. Perhaps it is more important than ever, and to marry a virgin is important, too. (Both the man and woman should be virgings when married.)
yes; it will make you feel like you have done something smart & def. helps prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS & STD’s.
This is absolutely an awesome goal. It shows committment to a moral path. Fox News reported today that “More than 1 million cases of chlamydia were reported in the United States last year — the most ever reported for a sexually transmitted disease, federal health officials said Tuesday.” Why ould one want to run the risk of exposing themsleves or someone they love to the possibility of something worse.
Why would it be unwise? Because other people don’t? That doesn’t mean anything.
Honestly, I don’t see why everybody thinks it’s a GOOD idea. “It feels good.” O…k? There ar elasting effects here that we should be thinking about as well, but I guess “this day and age” is dominated by the easy way out. Temptation? Give in and stop worrying!
Sorry. Mini-rant. I promise I understand the temptation, but I don’t see why that makes it okay.
Wise?????? Â Prudent might be a better choice of words. Â For some, maybe moral. Â But wise?????
yes, even though it is much much harder to accomplish.
I don’t know if I’d say it’s “wise” (or “unwise” for that matter)… I think it’s admirable that someone would hold their faith so closely as to “save” their first time for their future husband. Though… I’m not sure how realistic it is.
Depends. It seems just about impossible, and the only one I would ever promise it to is my current love.
Heck YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It worked out well for me… No risk of STD’s, no worries about pregnancy, no baggage from previous sexual relationships, satisfying sex life as a married lady.
maybe a century ago, but definitely not today
Of course. Virginity is ultimate.
it’s a person choice, but i personally think yes.
as a non-virgin, i can say i think it’s a very wise goal to wait until you’re at least in a very long-term committed relationship (but i’m not going to say married, because i think marriage isn’t all that sacred anymore anyway), but it’s unfortunate, because the only real way one can know how much sex complicates a relationship is to actually experience it…and then it’s too late.
c’mon in this day and age, it would be the last sacred thing a person could have.
Honestly, I’m just not sure what the point of it is. Any time I share myself with someone I love it’s special and new. I think a wiser goal is to save sex for loving, committed relationships, and to always be safe when doing so.
Its not advised.
So many marriages fail, not because of sex perhaps, but why not make sure that part of the relationship works too.
Too bad marriage isn’t always lasting, and it isn’t always monogamous. Fix that and people will see the positives in “saving yourself.” I don’t think a piece of paper, a ring, and swapped vows has anything to do with it – if you love the person, and they love you then you two should be able to make a decision yourselves. I don’t need a book or some material items to tell me I’m ready to lose my virginity, I’ll make my own decisions and decide whether they’re right or wrong for myself.
I think since lifespans are much longer now, we should wait until we are emotionally mature enough to understand what the consequences and benefits are. 28? 30? Some folks never? It seem to work well for football quarteback Steve Young?!
It can be for some, I guess… I believe sex ia a personal thing, and both Christian and secular society try to have too much influence over what should be between two people.
I can’t help but notice that in all of the comments about the shoes, no one ever says, “I wouldn’t buy an old pair of shoes without trying them on first.”
Anyway, it seems to me that the people who waited for sex until after marriage and then it didn’t work out are pinning it on the fact that they didn’t have sex first. How do you know that the relationship would have worked if you had not waited? It’s better to not have sex and find out that something didn’t work, than to have it and have all of that baggage to take to the next person.
Yep. Hubs and I both did, and have no regrets at all. It was the best choice we could have made!
It is not just the external, legal fact. It is the offering of purity to someone….to be your very special someone whom you can trust. YES, it is always a great goal. And goals can be re-set. Secondary Virginity has a lot of validity. Transparency and honesty can help build the long term relationships that are much more satisfying in EVERY way.
Absolutely. Without even considering all of the moral aspects of it, just think about all the diseases out there…. eeeeeewwwwww. (Some of which will KILL YOU.) It’s just flat out STUPID to take that kind of risk.
Yes.
People carry around so much baggage because they give themselves [mind, soul, body] to entirely too many people before they decide to get married. Signs: People are getting married later and later in life, divorce is prevalent, rise in infidelity and praise of such. I think these are all direct causes of people being confused, hurt from past relationships that were physically (and, therefore, spiritually) intimate. That kind of intimacy isn’t meant to be shared with everyone.
I was recently told by someone that is no longer my friend, that I was a person worse than her because I had had sex (with ONE guy ever, imagine that? XD )
Despite that run in with her, of course it’s wise considering you can’t trust anybody these days. Abstinence is the only thing 100% effective against STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.
But that’s not to say you’re a better or worse person for not waiting. Shit happens, y’know?
ok, I’ve read a lot of these comments…
I’m waiting for reasons that are both moral and practical…mostly practical.
1. I would get way too emotionally attached, and I wouldn’t be able to deal with it well if things didn’t work out… (then again, that is a chance with marriage too.)
2. STDs. cause let’s face it: while there’s some protection, there’s no guarantees.
3. Pregnancy. It happens even with protection. One of my roommates and her sister were concieved, even with their mom on birth control and after their dad had a vasectomy… anything is possible.
also…
I can barely support myself. How on earth would I support a child? That wouldn’t be fair… and there’s no way I would be able to live with myself if I got an abortion…
and the whole moral aspect… I’m not getting into.
and for those of you who are of the mindset where you have to know what you’re working with… how do you know it’s bad if you and your partner aren’t experienced?
I think that sexual intercourse is an important part of a relationship and waiting until marriage to find out if those two people are compatable in that area can be a horrible mistake. It may also lead to disappointment in the sense of making the event so important to the relationship, that it could never fulfill any of the expectations created surrounding it.
I lost my virginity at 26 and I regret it… Because no guy is worth anything these days. They come and go and don’t want nothin’ from you except for a few minutes or “hot steamy action” if you let them. At least I was careful and I got married to my now husband. He married me because of what I am, not because if I’m virgin or not.
What does wisdom have to do with it?
It’s a personal choice to have sex with one or more people before one gets married.
What if somebody decides they don’t want to get married? Ever?
If somebody waits until marriage to have sex, then awesome. Good for them.
If somebody wants to have sex before then, then awesome. Good for them.
And by the way: having premarital sex does NOT mean you’ll automatically get
pregnant and get STDS. I’ve read a few comments like that. What a naive, closeminded, rude thing to say.
Just another way for all the Christians who are uptight and closeminded (not that all of them are; just the ones who ARE) to show hatred and intolerance for anybody who chooses to live a different life style than them.
God is the same God!!!
Yesterday,Today and Forever!!!
And especially today with an over abundance of incurable STDs!
Depends.
If both people are virgins when they marry, then there is almost no chance of them having and STD/STI
Both people are probably more mature since there were able to keep sexual desires to themselves
but it also may lead to infidelity. One person may start to think “is this all there is?” Of course, a person who has been on the field prior to marriage may also cheat so….
Now what about cohabitation? Is it a wise idea to “test drive” marriage?
Interesting comments. I can only comment from my experience. I lost my virginity to the man that I married. So he was all I knew. 19 years later we separated and I fell in love with someone else and had intimate relations with this gentleman. My husband then wanted to get back together, and after being with this other guy there was absolutely NO WAY that I could ever had a sexual relationship with my husband again. I had no idea how wonderful a sexual experience could be because I had never had that. It is human nature to compare I suppose. So….. difficult question really. Are you better off not knowing and so accepting what you have as normal, or are you better of shopping around?
i think the world puts waaaay too much emphasis on sex.
sex isn’t a thing to fuck around with. sex is a very important thing that can affect the rest of your life.
being a virgin in these times is looked down upon, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. it’s better than sleeping around, isn’t it?
Yep. I don’t want to deal with the repercussions and moral decisions of sex right now, and neither should anyone else. Decisions like that are medium, ’cause anything well done is rare…
DEFINITELY!!!!
hola como estas? teehhe
ever been to birmingham alabama?
Yes, I believe so. This should also be applied to men too not only to women.
“Defintly Yes!”
First of all, I’m sick of people treating sex like it’s nothing special, just another outlet for natural impulses. Secondly, I’m sick of people thinking it’s all about them. It should be a very special joining of two people, and personally, I don’t know how anyone can have sex with someone they aren’t emotionally attached to, so if you aren’t ready to deal with the emotional consequences, don’t do it. Also, for that reason, I don’t think you should have sex until you make a commitment, so yeah, I would say it’s a wise goal. I know it’s not a common goal these days, but I still think it’s worth waiting.
its wise but (and ik there are ppl who are going to think its wrong that im saying this) i think its best to lose your virginity at an earlier stage that way you get the akwardness out of the way and you know what not to do. this could maybe save marriges, cuz obviously a lot of them are ruined due to problems in the bedroom
according to the cult of true womanhood, which defined roles for a woman in the 19th century, the finest hour of a woman’s life is when she bestows her “greatest gift” upon her husband on their wedding night…
just for that, i wish to sleep with as many men as possible before my husband.
does anyone else notice how defensive and self-righteous everyone seems to get when discussing sex among interwebs of strangers?
if u can last that long, more power to ya
I think it’s a good idea if that’s what you want to do with yourself, but if you find someone you think your in love with and your ready to take that step in the relationship then you should go for it but always be precautious as in using condoms (everyone and then some have diseases these days) and go on birth control if not already. Keep it safe and meaningful.
and this may sound shallow but you don’t want a person bad in bed!
no. not becoming pregnant or contracting an STD maybe
Haha, I’m glad when you have questions like these. It’s encouraging…not to mention interesting.
Personally, I think it’s great if people stay virgins until they’re married. It’s a good goal and if kept…even better.
I think sex is a step in a relationship that comes after marriage. Nowadays it’s love, sex, then marriage. Or most times it stops after sex.
For me, it’s not because of the risk of getting pregnant or an STD. It’s the principle. I’m old school. Yay.
well you don’t want to wind up pregnant and get left for some bimbo after you tell him so…. that’s best but it’s your choice.
Yes.
“Do you think being a virgin when you get married is a wise goal in this day and age?”
So you’re asking whether people should REMAIN virgins AFTER marriage? That defeats the purpose of being married.
> ….yea and nea, as there is still some competition out there in the boys ‘hood to see, to some degree, I’m not sure how much ’cause I have not polled the question, to notch as many conquests to outdo the homeboys…. Used to be the case, in a mixed bag way, but these days i dunno, I’m outside the dating pool these days…. biggest proviso is how I’m hearing from the younger ladies ignorance/under informed on sex ed, venereal disease, even dating protocols. Scary don’t even cover it. I have a few 20 something male friends who didn’t even think of condoms who now are called Daddy!! Dummies!!
Peace to all
Yes, this is what I keep telling my girls!
it’s possible but not likely.
I personally don’t want to get stuck with an ED man.
It doesn’t mater to me have smex if u want to
ABSOLUETLY!
it might be good for some. but with images in hollywood, and movies, people get curious. especially middle school and high school kids.
O yes…
yes i was