November 19, 2007
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Engagement Ring
We will change the last post around a bit. How about we have a guy this time? He has an engagement ring. He breaks up with the woman and she gives back the ring.
Can the guy give the engagement ring to the next girl he wants to marry?
Comments (137)
ew no!
no way!
When I did that to a girl she kept the ring and later sold it.
I deserved it.
Sure… it’s just a thing…
I think I’d rather have a piece of property.
No way.
if the new fiance is alright with it.
look. it’s one thing to give the neew fiance an old ring masquerading as a carefully selected new one. it’s another to say “hey. i’m broke, have this gorgeous ring, what’s important is that i love you, marry me.”
no way
I wouldn’t care.. Buying a new ring would be an insane waste of money. But a lot of people care about the “emotional significance” of the ring or whatever, so that’s just my personal opinion and will not likely be held by the majority.
why say anything? don’t say it’s new and don’t conceal it’s truth if questioned. so why not?
Noooo.
no.
he went to buy that ring with the intentions of giving it to another woman – imagining her response, the look on her face when she first sees it…he picked out the ring for her.
not for someone else.
i think maybe taking the diamond out and having it reset would be okay but not the ring as is
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Just throw away all receipts and evidence.
It sounds tacky to me, but the wedding dress thing didn’t, so it could just be some kind of cultural double-standard.
No. He must return it.
Eh
I wouldn’t really like it. It was specially purchased for another girl…
I think that’s different, for the same reasons I mentioned in the last post. The ring was for the first girl, so giving it to someone it wasn’t for it re-gifting, and that’s not cool.
If she doesn’t know
Eh, probably not a good idea. He has to consider what she likes.
I really hope that never happens. The poor guy.
Nope, it’s been used!
No! The ring is usually chosen with the bride in mind. Wouldn’t they go ring shopping at some point in their relationship…just for fun? Then the guy gets an idea of what his girlfriend likes.
Just as long as the next girl doesn’t know … hihihi
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Absolutely NOT!
I agree with Kestryl.
well, a ring is something you’re kinda stuck with for life. so if you kept the old ring, it’s kinda like wearing someone’s leftovers forever (if you last that long). just sell the ring and use the money to by a new one. ^_^
No.
With the wedding dress, she picks it out for the wedding.
But an engagement ring?
He picks it out for the girl.
The one girl in particular.
lol…no.
It’s bad luck to do that. No way.
He’d be Wise not to let the new fiancee know if he did!!!
Again, I kind of have to worry what the problem is if she cares more about the ring than him…
no. again, i am just too superstitious about that sort of thing.
The thought absolutely disgusts me!!!
Nope!!
Hey, it’s better if the guy does it like my guy did… I was his first gf, and first fiance, and we’re gonna be getting married in a few months! =D
wheeee…. life’s great
The CLEAR difference is that he bought the ring as a gift for his first girlfriend/fiancee.
I wouldn’t want something that he bought for someone else.
But I don’t care if I get a ring or not. It’s not about that… anyone who DOES care about the ring is in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
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nope. the ring is chosen for that specific girl.
NOOOOOOOOOO
If money is an issue, sell the ring and buy a new one that reflects the style of the new lady. Even if they have similar styles, one should still buy a new ring.
No way!
but he can sell it and use the money to buy a new one…
no way. if she found out, she would feel like shit, like she’s second place and only worth a “hand-me-down” engagement ring that’s probably not even her style or fit. sell it back. then use different money to buy another one that fits her.
If it is an heirloom then yes,if not, he should trade it in .
“left-over” engagement ring…..better word choice
ha ha funny you bring this up… my ex asked for a divorce and confessed to adultery, so in a rage i took off my rings and left them in the bathroom. I didnt THINK of keeping them so I could pawn them for the money.
Two months after our divorce, he married the girl he was having an affair with and he used the SAME RINGS!!!
Jokes on THEM. *Smirks*
Were I to get engaged, I would try to pick out a ring that most fit the personality of the girl I am in love with, but if it doesn’t work out, I think I would sell the ring or something, not reuse it. The ring should be personal. If it holds memories of another woman, I don’t think that’s a wise thing. If I am getting engaged, I think it should be a clean slate. There’ll be enough reminders of exes without it being the “token of our love and affection.”
My ex tried to do that to me. I knew all about his ex-fiancee and all the time and thought and care he put into picking out her stone and designing the setting. Then he asked if I would mind having that ring when he proposed to me.
Needless to say, that relationship never worked out. (for many reasons, not just the ex’s diamond)
He can do anything he wants. But what a bad idea that would be.
Some jewelers have an upgrade policy were they will credit you the value of the ring, if you wish to buy a better one. Seems like that would be a good idea. But don’t talk about the credit and were you got it. Ex’s are usually sore subjects
Nope. Sell it and buy a new one.
Sure why not.. ?
I mean the girl before her had him and she is still taking him.
Why not do the same with the ring?
The guy is real and the ring is material..
Geez I would rather have a used ring than a used guy!!!
YOU WOMEN ARE SICK!!!!..
Hehe.. just kidding ladies..well almost.
I mean hey,*If the ring fits…
**For those that dont get it..
“If the shoe fits”
No no no! Very tacky.
It is one thing if the ring is a family heirloom. It is another if he just bought the ring and then the engagement was called off. Sell the thing. Don’t ever give a woman something that belonged to your former girlfriend/fiancee.
At a minimum, I’d have the diamond remounted… happened to my brother. He did turn in the ring for credit, but his fiance wanted the diamond – it was a beautiful stone. So they remounted it in the setting of her choice.
Unless that ring is a precious family heirloom, it better be hand picked for the girl that will be wearing it. Not to mention girls taste in rings differ quite a bit which may come into play if you try to give an emerald cut diamond to a girl who only wears marquise shaped stones…you run into one of two situations either you are an ass for not trying to find out what kind of ring she would have liked or you are an ass for not getting her a ring that was meant for her. Really you don’t want to run into either, sell the old one and buy her a new one with the profits and a little extra out of your pocket. Never be cheap with something she will wear every day for the rest of your lives together. You may just live to regret it…
Hahaha that is so tacky. I’d flip, and demand a new one. It’s like giving someone your unwanted Christmas present as a present.
Depends on what he’s giving it to her for. I have someone’s would-have-been-an-engagment-ring. her loss, my gain. but it wasn’t given to me as an engament ring for me. if you follow me.
Well, that would depend on the ring. If it was bought specificly for his ex-fiance, it would probably be awkward to give it to the new fiance. If it was handed down from another generation, then it wouldn’t be out of place. There are probably instances where I would be ok with someone giving me a ring that he had previously given to his ex-fiance, but I don’t know what they are.
No.. because that ring symbolizes all the man’s hopes/dreams for their marriage and same thing for the wedding dress, that’s just tacky even though it’s never been worn… eBay it, objects from the past (baggage) need to be purged for a new true beginning so the marriage may be unadulterated by other factors besides the two people in it… It’s just the right thing to do.
“anyone who DOES care about the ring is in a relationship for the wrong reasons.”
la_faerie_joyeuse
Sure, if the ring is the only reason a person is in a relationship, they are definitely in it for the wrong reasons, however caring about a ring does not mean that someone is in the relationship for wrong reasons. The ring is meant to be symbolic of the love a person feels for another, and is a physical reminder of that love and commitment. Symbolism is very important for many people, and it does play a part in their relationships, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
see, the dress was unused …. the ring was. if the ring was never given to anyone else, then sure .. why not.
Why does he get it back anyway, if he broke off the engagement? She should have gotten to keep it.
Tacky, tacky to give it to someone else.
haha. Oh hell no! But he should totally sell it.
Unlike a ring, you don’t give the wedding dress to your spouse to wear the rest of his life. You wear the dress for one day and then it’s over. The comparison of reusing a wedding dress and reusing a ring isn’t exactly valid. But I’d still say sure, whatever, as long as the girl is okay with a ‘secondhand’ ring.
NO…..but he will….no matter what he tells us…..
tacky.
You gotta get a new ring. Sell the ring you bought and buy another…
Don’t spend so much money on a ring that you could never buy another one.
Sell it and buy a different one.
First of all the girl should keep the ring IF he breaks off the engagement or he cheats..ect. It is NOT okay to give a used ring to someone else.
The question about the dress. If she has not previously worn the dress, sure I think she could wear it. Some girls have big dreams about their wedding day and that includes the dream dress. If it didn’t work out with finance number one then why kill the dream.
I wouldn’t. The ring is usually something they pick out together. My wife and I have matching rings that we picked out. Now if the girl likes the ring and says Hey, lets keep those rings, then fine. I think that call is TOTALLY up to the girl. I don’t think many guys would really care.
No. I think the dress is alright because the woman bought it for herself and her own use, separate from the groom. It is different when it is a gift for someone else; that just seems wrong and extremely inconsiderate.
of course not!
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her! Just make sure to file down the engraving.
— Blas
What if the ring is a family heirloom? If that was the case, I will answer your question with a yes.
YEAH! It’s just an object.
The ring’s for someone else, the dress question was for herself. So, no… I don’t think he should give it to her if he was going to give it to someone else.
Only if he WANTS to start out w/ a divorce.
no
You do realize that many engagement and wedding rings are family Heirlooms anyways?
looking over many of the answers here and the previous post makes me think there are some people being hypocritical!
NO. Thats trashy.
He CAN, but I don’t think the prospective bride would appreciate it.
definitely not.
though isn’t the rule of thumb that if the guy breaks off the engagement, the girl gets to keep the ring?
Heck yes. Buying another ring would be a poor use of money.
RYC: But you have to admit, the jayhawk takes the cake for cute.
no way! it belongs to the first woman….. the 2nd woman probably wouldn’t even accept it. i wouldn’t.
I think that an engagement ring and a wedding dress are different.
You will wear the dress once. You will wear the ring every single day for the rest of your life, if things go according to plan.
Personally, I would be uncomfortable with both situations. A new relationship deserves a clean start. But would have a much easier time looking the other way in regards to the dress.
as a jewelery salesman, i have to say no-way. but as a very sensible guy , of course. who the hell would know ?
nope.
NO! He must buy the bring with the girl he intend to marry in mind!
no. too much room for an issue there.
Cuteluvr,
I still don’t understand why the ring is important, unless (as some people mentioned), it’s an heirloom. Honestly, in my opinion, you should know how much and why you love your partner, without needing a physical reminder.
I don’t get symbolism, or why it matters to people. If you love someone, you love them, and having a symbol of it won’t make this stronger.
Is there something I’m missing?
No.
hmmn…. the dress was purchased by the bride for herself. the ring is purchased by the groom for the bride. i guess it’s kinda like asking if you would give someone a reject gift…
wow, that’s a hard question….. because diamonds are expensive. i guess if it was a cheap one then probably not, but if it was a beautiful stone then i think if the setting was changed the center diamond could be kept. unless it’s something the bride doesn’t want at all…. or if the stone has laser etching on it that was meant for the ex fiancee, that might prove to be a little awkward to explain someday.
oh i don’t know… this question was a little too close for comfort. made me think a little.
No he should trade it in for one even bigger !!!
I view both wedding ring and wedding dress as more than ceremonial decoration: They are symbolic for unique beauty of a marriage between two people meant for one another. Just as the wedding ring is symbolic for the bonding of a man with a paritcular woman, the wedding dress is symbolic for a specific wedding ceremony. To reuse either the ring or the wedding dress cheapens the marriage: It’s as if any man or woman would have done with tthe ring or wedding dress.
I probably woudn’t.
dreamcatcher
hmmn…. the dress was purchased by the bride for herself. the ring is purchased by the groom for the bride. i guess it’s kinda like asking if you would give someone a reject gift…
The dress was purchased for the wedding ceremony of both the bride and groom. The ring is purchased as a symbol os marriaged (passed during the wedding). The symbolism and purpose of each article is tantamont. Most other details are really superficial to the question of appropriateness.
I think thats just plain ol cheap…sell teh ring and use the money for one specially picked out for her…thats ok
No, it’s different. A man buys a ring with a specific woman in mind. A woman buys a gown to please herself.
NNNNNOOOOOOO…unless it’s an heirloom. That ring is supposed to be chosen just for her!
i’ll never forget a line i heard on t.v. once. in an episode of family matters, harriet comes to find out that her wedding ring was originally meant for a different girl, and when carl asks his daughter, laura, if it was really that bad of a thing, she looks at him and says ‘think back to the day when you were in the jewelry store, looking at rings…now imagine the happy face you saw in your mind…’ and then carl says ‘i’m in big trouble, aren’t i?’ (or something to that effect)
an engagement is intimate, and it shouldn’t be tarnished with a past fiance having previously worn the engagement ring.
My, my, my, doesn’t sound like people are equitable on this one. :~)
Why is it ok on the dress, and not on the ring?????? Let’s say the ring has been a family heirloom?
No way! It’s tacky and inconsiderate!
And no way on the dress too!
The ring should be picked out based on attachment, emotion, and love. Not out of convenience.
As for the dress. That should be picked out differently as well because the dress should represent the beauty of that special day with that special person. Again, not out of convenience.
All the girls are saying no!! this..no that; but I bet if that rock diamond was the size of an acorn they’d wear it…right girls? Come on…you all know you would!
> ….if she knows it, you may not get away with being so cheap, but I guess it depends on the male view of tradition…. after all, how cheapshot is the tightwad?
Peace
No.
Agree with Kestryl.
Definately NOT! Absolutely NOT! No Way! In fact, I went with my ex-fiance to the jewelry store to make sure he took the ring back!
Carlos_Hernandez - “…I bet if that rock diamond was the size of an acorn they’d wear it…right girls?”
If I found out it was on another girl’s hand before mine, I would throw it back at the guy and walk away in disgust! Honest.
absolutely not! Even if he didn’t get around to proposing if it was bought for one woman it goes to that woman, or back to the jeweler.
If he made a big investment on the piece that he didn’t think he’d be able to recoup, i can se having the stone(s) re-set, but not into another engagement ring. Maybe as a necklace or a pair of earings. Then it becomes a different piece of jewelry.
An old boyfriend of mine made the purchase but never asked. He later married someone else. I later found out that he still had “my” ring and that he carried it with him. Sort of creepy. I’ve always wondered how she felt about that.
I would prefer that not happen to me. It just seems like a personal and intimate thing. It’s like saying…HEY her thong will fit you, I like it, don’t buy new panties…wear hers. YUCK.
It depends. Because it’s FOR HER. So it would have to match HER style. My fiance had ME in mind when he bought the ring (ie color/look/size).
So if both women have the same style… then sure. If not… he needs to exchange it.
I don’t see why not… as long as it fits the style of the new woman. I don’t think he needs to volunteer the information that it was already given to another woman, though…
u cant do that. atleast sell it and take the money to get another ring. and why did he keep that ring anyways.
No, but I like liassalinn’s idea about having the diamond reset. That’s what you are paying for anyway.
No. The wedding dress is okay because it is just a one time thing, not something she is going to wear for the REST OF HER LIFE. Plus the girl picked it out–you could assume she would probably pick the same wedding dress no matter who she is going to marry, because she picked the dress for her, not for her husband. The ring, though, is opposite. It was picked specifically for the fiance–one could assume he took her personal tastes into account when he picked it out. Ew. I’d be pissed if I got a ring that was meant for someone else, unless it was like my husband’s grandmother’s ring and they wanted to keep it in the family or something like that. That would be okay, even kind of cool.
No.
He should return the engagement ring and get a refund. . .that is possible to do, right?
The dress is okay because it’s still meant for the same person YOU/THE BRIDE (even if it’s in a marriage to a different guy); but the re-used ring we’re talking about is one that is worn by MORE THEN ONE PERSON. It’s an entirely different issue then!
And the bride chose out the dress for herself, right? But the ring the guy gave the girl the girl may have had very little influence on as well. . .
Not unless he has a death wish…
NO FREAKIN WAY!
I think the ring and the dress are the same. If the bride can wear a dress meant for a different wedding then the guy can give the girl a ring meant for a different girl. I think both the dress and ring should be taken back or changed somehow. Of course family heirlooms don’t apply. I think everyone agrees to that. As a guy I know I would not like having my girl wear a wedding dress that intended for a different guy (YES ladies the dress is just as much for the guy as it is for you so stop being conceited). Yes all of this is expensive but I think divorce is even more expensive. I will do everything I can to maintain my marriage even if it means buying ten expensive engagement rings!
Difference is that the ring was already worn by someone else. The dress wasn’t worn at a wedding. Big difference!
He sure can… he has paid for it he has a choice of giving it to the next girl or selling it…
I don’t see a difference honestly. Too many people are materialistic about marriage. Makes me cringe.
Yes
No.
PacifismPlease
…but the re-used ring we’re talking about is one that is worn by MORE THEN ONE PERSON.
What’s the concern, the spread of cooties? Would the diamond be any less of a diamond? Perhaps it won’t glitter as brightly?
It’s an entirely different issue then!
Of course it is. In one, people are being hypocritical, in the other, they’re being truthful.
Same dress, fine. Same ring, NO.
It depends on his reasons. If he’s broke and has no money (but why should he be getting married if he’s broke?), then it’s better than saying, “Honey, ya know, I really wanted to marry this one girl before you, but she didn’t accept. Here’s the ring I was going to give her. Will you marry me?”
I’d probably compromise, keep the diamond(s) and just place it in a new ring.
If she wears the same size ring, sure. If not, it needs to be refitted first.
No, it’s kind of tacky. A lot of jewelry stores might take it as a trade in, that way the guy could get a ring that suited the new girl’s personality and style better.
Sure he can. I did it three times. None of my relationships turned out so hot, though, so maybe it isn’t a real great idea.
Nah, exchange it at the store where you got it for another one or credit.
There is no way he should give the same ring to another girl. You can keep the stone(s) in the ring and reset them for a new engagement ring. That is fine. But, a ring is supposed to be bought specifically for a girl. If you are using the same ring, then, doesn’t that say that the girl isn’t special enough to justify the time and effort to get a ring that is for her?
LoL – I’d be so offended if I was the second girl.
no! The dress is all about the bride, but so it the ring. We focus much on the bride around wedding time dont we? it should be easy enough for him to change the ring out for another, but why would you consider giving one girl jewelry representative of your last relationship?
No. The ring is chosen with the bride in mind. You can’t just give someone an old ring.
no
Sure, as long as he doesn’t tell her he used it for the previous woman. That would bother me knowing that little tidbit. But he might as well. Why waste it?