November 24, 2007
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Keeping the Baby a Secret
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A woman had a one-night stand with a man.
She became pregnant. She decided to keep the baby a secret from her family and the guy that got her pregnant. An appeal court in the UK ruled that the woman could keep the baby a secret from the guy. She is putting the child up for adoption but felt the husband wouldn’t be a long-term solution to provide care for the child.
The court ruled the woman has “the ultimate veto” on whether the father knew of the baby. Here is the link: Link
Do you think a woman should be able to give a child up for adoption without informing the father?
Comments (87)
He should know. And welcome to Facebook!
If she doesn’t plan on asking the father for child support or involvement in anyway why should she have to involve the father? It was after all a one night stand, and she could have just as easily gotten an abortion without telling him. I really don’t see the difference.
No…that is selfish and not thinking of the child.
If I were the father, I’d want to know.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I don’t think so.
absolutely not.
No. He deserves to know. She doesn’t want to keep the baby, but what if he does? The child should at leas have the opportunity to be cared for by its father before being given to another family.
Not sure.
I would be asking questions when I am older if this happen to me
Sure, it’s not like he’d actually be involved. It’s a one night fucking stand, you idiots.
That is crazy.
If I was a father of a child
I would have a right to know.
The child is the offspring of BOTH parents.
one parent doesn’t have the right to choose whether the father gets to pay child-support, or if they don’t even know of the childs existence.
The mother could be a very bad mother and abuse the child and the father wouldn’t even know they had a kid that this was happening too?
* I think it’s one thing not to tell the guy if you get pregnant and are having an abortion. . .but so long as you’re planning on having the kid. . .and heck for that matters are probably going to have a shower and everything. . .announce it to everyone. . .then He is definitely one person who should know!
Instead of “everyone else but him”.
bah, no.
but perhaps that’s because I’m adopted? I don’t know. equal rights. hah
well okay. . .now that I’ve actually gone and read the article. . .she actually DID keep the pregnancy a secret from EVERYONE she knew. NO ONE knew, not family, not friends. . .
Still, I think the guy would have a right to at least know. Even if life becomes more complicated. Even if he doesn’t get to have any say in raising the child himself, even if he can’t keep her from putting it up for adoption, even if knowing is in some ways harder then not knowing, I still think knowledge is better.
Knowledge is power.
Maybe in that situation. If it was someone she didn’t even know. If there was a relationship then he should definitely be involved in the decision making process.
No…What if HE wants to keep the baby?
After a one night stand, I don’t think I’d tell. I’d also probably abort it, but wahey.
Of course, if he’s running around having unprotected one night stands, I don’t see how it would be good for him to have the baby. At leasts he’s being responsible and getting rid of it. (Would be more responsible to have just offed the damn thing, but whatever.)
should not even think of one-night stand.
He should know even if she plans on giving the child up for adoption. Shouldn’t he have the option of raising his own child if he wants to? Not telling him is a form of robbery.
At the point that the man has the threat of having to pay child support hanging over his head, he has to have a right to know.
Naturally, decision of the baby’s fate lies with the woman; but that extra bit of knowledge to the father doesn’t change anything physically.
no, the father should know. he may take up responsibility and take care of the child.
why would she want to keep it secret from the father anyways?
A sperm donor has no rights!
By law she can kill it, giving her the right to to give it away, seem rather small in comparison.
aj mudd
No…What if HE wants to keep the baby?
YOU’RE mixing apples and oranges here.
There are two seperate questions here: Whether the father deserves to know and whether he has any say over the decision-making of the baby’s fate. Dan’s question is that purely of knowledge. It is entirely possible for the father to know of the baby and communicate his opinions to the mother, while him having no actual power over the fate of the baby.
That’s a tough one… she must have major issues if she would keep this a secret from everybody. I’m surprised she didn’t just abort it.
I think this is a tough question. I believe that the father of any child has the right to know whether or not they’ll be having a baby. Now, I don’t think the woman should feel obligated to tell him based on the fact that it was a one-night stand.
I’d like to know how she plans on keeping it a secret when she’s about 6 months along. Mine only stayed secret until 7 1/2 months.
The ONLY reason I think it would be a good idea to keep the knowledge of the baby from the father is if he is a druggy or an alcoholic. But then the fact of becoming a father might be something that could turn him around. There are just too many unknowns really to make a decision like that. One thing is for sure though, ABORTION should NEVER be an option.
No.
Yes, especially if it was a product of a one-night stand. I’m not saying I agree with it, but I’m saying that a woman should have that option available to her.
if the father has no say about the baby’s future anyway, what’s the point of telling him?
Did you know that today, a baby laughed?
Also Freeeverse is the cutest commenter above me.
What was the question?
No, he should know, unless there is good reason to keep it from him (e.g.- he was abusive)
Yes. I can see few reasons not to tell
Why should a woman necessarily decide what happens to a child? MY mother was a crazy bitch, and I wish she’d never even SEEN a child before.
No, basically, i think the ‘father’ deserves to know.
Now that’s a particularly obvious secret to try and hide. Alas, if everyone really wanted to know, including the future child, DNA testing wouldn’t be too hard administer. Oh jeez, what’s the UK equivalent of a daytime talk show?!
(Btw: my answer is that the big secret is all futile because of the big tummy.)
If the man was in her life, he would know if she was pregnant.
There are several people saying the mother should have just aborted the baby. What the heck is wrong with you. Having an abortion after like a one night stand or something is NOT being responsible. It is being selfish. The responsible thing is to put it up for adoption.
Obviously most of you didn’t read the article. There were a lot of special circumstances.
I’m divided on the issue. Just because her one night stand coworker lent some DNA to this kid shouldn’t give him any rights over her, especially as it’s shown that he is currently unable to take care of her. But knowing of her? He should probably have been at least informed of her existence, at the same time being told that he had no legal rights in the case.
I hope this kid never unearths these articles eighteen years from now.
I think he should. Then they would be living a less funny version of the movie ‘Knocked Up.’ I mean if the guy were a complete ass, then I guess it would be okay not to tell him, but if he were a fairly decent person, he has the right to know.
Yes, it would be better if he didn’t know, as she is giving the child up for adoption no matter what he says.
I think the guy has a right to know, but its touchy subject.
no.
I think it’s just effing sorry!
So a one-night-stand father can be sued for paying child support, but according to those judges he has no rights to the child, even the right to know about his/her existence? Sheesh.
I think honesty is the best policy.
He should definitely know!! It takes 2 people to make a baby, people. Sadly, she’ll keep it a secret until she needs child support one day then she’ll “decide” to tell him and he’ll end up paying. Sad world! He should be told from the beginning.
hell no. The child belongs to both of them. People love to say that the child only belongs to the woman because she carries it but that is sexist and wrong.
I think he has a right to know.
I agree with #2.
The point is, its a one-night stand and it is somehow an unspoken rule of the game that both parties need not pay responsibility to whatever consequences their actions will bring themselves as individual.This may sound bad, but i feel that the girl is doing the right thing.
It should be legal, but I think she should tell him.
The father has the right to know!!
NO! A similar situation happened in my family. My grandmother cheated on my grandfather while he was in the war, and my dad was the result of that affair. Now unlike the story above, my gram didn’t give my dad up but her and my grandfather also never told my dad that my grandfather wasn’t his real dad. By the time my dad found out he was 58 years old and both his parents were dead. It’s an awful feeling not knowing your biological roots.
absolutely not!
he may have wanted to raise the child himself. every woman knows the risk of unprotected sex if she is going to carry the child then it should not matter who raises it. i thin kdad should have the chance.
The thing about that is, if the father ever found out he can go back at any time and claim the child again. The mother signed away her parental rights when she gave the child up for adoption, so she’d be powerless to stop it. But he’d still have his rights to the child, under law, even though the kid was adopted and being raised by someone else.
I’m not sure still what I think about informing the father in general. I feel that in most cases the father has a right to know that he helped create a child, but I can also see how in some situations that could be difficult, or even risky, for the mother to do, and just complicates things.
I think he should have the first option if he wants the child.
Yep.
Her body, her baby.
Bring on the hate.
Nope, it takes two to tango, and unless the father has forfeited his rights to be a parent, he has a right to know about his child, and should be given equal power for decision-making for the future of said child. End of story.
this is why one-night-stands are a bad idea…
I think he should know about it. Of course, I also don’t think a woman should be able to abort a child without the father’s consent as well. Actually I don’t think abortion should be allowed at all; but if it must be I think the man and the woman should have equal rights in the decision making process.
I think he should know.
didnt we have this topic before? anyway … NO! why was the bitch not using birth control?
I might be wrong, but I believe in WI it is required that there be an attempt made to alert the father before an adoption is finalized. I know that is the case in court-ordered termination of parental rights. This attempt could include a notice in the major newspaper of the area of the mother or where the father may be. The notice is only valid for a certain time period, though.
For a one-night-stand, or if the father is abusive or a druggy, let her do what is best for the baby. He doesn’t need to know, because he woulnd’t be a good father anyway.
On one hand, a father, who donates sperm, will nevr know if he has a kid or not, and can’t impede that woman from giving the kid up for adoption.
On the other hand, the father might want to keep the kid since he did not donate that sperm (well, he did, but not in the literal sense) :0)
No, but how do you enforce that?
I don’t think so. If she decided to go through with the pregnancy, she should at least give the guy the option of being a part of his child’s life.
So, instead, this kid grows up thinking both of his parents didn’t want him. He grows up, finds his mom. “Hey, just curious… why did you put me up for adoption?” Whatever explanation she gives, she’ll end up saying, “Oh, your father? Uh… he doesn’t even know you exist. I never told him. …Sorry.”
A woman has control over her body.. If she doesnt want the guy to know than she should be able to keep it from him.. If by chance he does find out, than he should have a little say in the matter if he wants… the guy may not be able to be responsible enough for a child at the time of the pregancy
I know if I was in that situation, whether or not I wanted to keep the child, I would still want to know. You can not go and a have a kid and not tell the father!
The father should know. I thought this was interesting…
“felt the husband wouldn’t be a long-term solution to provide care for the child.”
Shouldn’t she have thought about that before she had sex with him?
In most cases-no. But my sister was raped and became pregnant and gave the baby up and didn’t let the father know for obvious reasons.
Maybe parental rights should reflect responsiblity. If the mother has, for instance, twice as many rights than the father, then maybe she should get half as much financial support from him.
It was a one night stand so obviously he could care less about her or the baby. She has every right to give it up but she will probably regret it later.
No!!!!
The dad should probably get first pick.
But it would be him *adopting* it, without the mother being obligated to pay medical bills and such.
this is one situation and there are an infinite number of other possible situations in which adoption is an option with or without the fathers knowledge. basically the courts and other people should stay out of things like this and allow a mother to make her decision, whether it’s abortion, adoption, single-motherhood, or having the father involved.
100% no
I think the father SHOULD know, but it’s ultimately the woman’s decision. If the woman got raped the father wouldn’t have to know. A one night stand is consented, but it’s implied there are no strings attached. A baby is a string.
Still, I would tell if I were here unless there are circumstances I am unaware of.
If any guy in his situation didn’t care enough to be around her to notice that she was pregnant, I doubt he would care what happened to the baby. The mother had to deal with the stress of pregnancy, so she should be able to decide.
Ooooooh tough.
Wow she has some issues… no, I feel like the father should know.
I think the guy has the right to know – unless of course, she was raped. Then the bastard should have no right to know anything about the child or have any hand in raising the child at all. Personally, even though the right to an abortion lies with the mother, I still believe that the father should be informed that she is aborting his child. A child isn’t born to one person, but to two.
I’m a girl and I believe that no matter what the cercumstances of the pregnancy happening, the man has as much right to know about his child as the woman does. Just because the woman HAS to know because the baby is growing inside her, doesn’t mean we should just forget about a man part in this. It is half his fault to and he should have to help carry the burden. Also, this man may have settled down and taken the child himself if he knew about it, and that could have been the best thing that ever happened to him, seeing as how if he continues having one ngiht stands he is almost garunteecd to get an STD in this day and age. She should have told him, and now that little boy or girl will never be able to find their birth father because he doesn’t even know they could be looking!
no.. i think he should be given the option to raise the child. if he doesn’t want to, then i’d say it would be okay to put it up for adoption.
um…. hmmmm… it was a one night stand? I guess that’s ok then… it’s not like she had a long term relationship with the guy… I dunno.
No I don’t think she should be able to get rid of it in any way, without giving the father a fair chance. After all it is his child too. He has rights too.