November 25, 2007
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Attractiveness and Dating
I added a Facebook on Friday. Add me. Here is the link: Link
I was reading an article by a woman that was discussing how women will often date men who are less attractive than them.
She points out the couples on TV but appears to think this is the case in real life. Here is the link: Link I am not sure but this might be a regional issue because I don’t see that much around here.
She writes a statement at the end of the article: “Still, it seems like men — attractive or not — have it easy in the dating department.”
Do you think men have it easier in the dating department?
Comments (94)
Not sure, but I may be first today.
Amazing! I’ve never been first.
Now to answer the question, men don’t have it easy. Maybe less difficult than women, but not easy. I suppose that more women ask men for dates these days than when I was dating (been married for almost 29 years!!!). But, still, the anguish that men feel when trying to get up the courage to ask a woman out is something most women never will experience.
Dan, how many more of your posts must contain a desperate plea to monopolize the Facebook site as you have this one?
Are you insecure?
What gives you your significance?
Maybe you should have married a beautiful woman . . .
Just kidding, Jen. : )
The TV thing bothers me, and I think it has more to do with the Hollywood double-standard than anything else. Men can be fat and have wrinkles and still be considered good actors. Women have to be talented AND gorgeous. It’s everywhere– from sitcoms with fat, balding men married to young, skinny, attractive women, to rap videos where these ugly-ass rappers have all these hot, half-naked chicks rubbing all up on them. It doesn’t make sense to me, and seems to speak the stereotypes of male superiority and female submissiveness.
Some might argue that there’s an evolutionary reasoning for this, the whole men value looks b/c it signals fertility vs women value personality and talent b/c they want someone who can support them financially, and who’ll treat them well. But those are very simplified generalizations.
I agree. Men DO have it easier than women when it comes to dating. We girls go for a guy’s personality more though that doesn’t mean that we always go for not-so-good-looking men. We just pay more attention to the guy’s personality. But guys… they do go for looks FIRST. Personality comes much later.
Definitely. Men have it easier.
I don’t know, all of the gals I know seem to have higher standards and expectations than the guys do, except that doesn’t make sense that “women often date men less attractive than them.”
A lot of times when not-so-good-looking girls DO get dates, it’s because the men who date them know about their personality ALREADY, that’s why they date the girls. But if they were to know them FIRST by their looks (the girls’ looks), I can guarantee you that the men won’t date them.
And I kinda agree that women often date men less attractive than them… One of my girl friends’ boyfriend has put on so much weight (he was already big-sized to begin with) after dating her because she would feed him all her food if she can’t finish them during their dates! She said that it’s because she wants to stay slim, and says that it’s better if her boyfriend is not so good-looking like her. I don’t know – I don’t agree with that so much.
A very interesting topic.
I think both sexes have it difficult sometimes.
I think females have it far easier. I, for one, would HATE having to ask a guy out. Double standards or not, I rather enjoy being female.
There have been studies in which photos of men and women were rated on a scale of 1 to 10. The women were rated higher than the men they dated on a rather consisitent basis. So if you are asking if homelier guys have an easier time getting a date, then I’d say, yes, that’s possible.
If I were on the market, I would have women by the droves vying for my affection, but alas, I am married and they can’t have me……….of course it doesn’t hurt to have a Harley………So Dan, to answer your question, if you are me as the man, it is much easier
Depends how shallow one is and has nothing to do with gender.
Both genders want attractiveness, so it is not so much an issue of gender but whether you’re ugly or not. That said, the cliche is that women do check out character more than men before making their choice. That would seem to make it harder for men with no character to speak of.
Therefore, if you are shallow enough to hold that attractiveness is more important than character, then stupid people with either large mammary glands or bulging biceps have it made over deep thinkers.
I’ve been out of the dating pool far to long to be qualified to answer this question. I do know several lovely, funny, talented young women who are unable to get dates. I think guys in their 20s must be looking for sex more than relationships.
A rider to that is that it is ridiculous to judge humanity by the dross that decorates our TV screens. If one sees an attractive girl with a fat ugly wrinkled old dude, then it may just be true that one could win a bet by saying that the said chap’s wallet is bulging. What the woman would be in that case is open to debate.
YES! Men have it really much easier than women. Physically larger men may be liked because they are cuddly. Women? No such chance.
Yes…and thank the God, Allah, Buddah, Mother Earth, the spirits, Meitreya, or even Sai Baba…whoever is responsible for that phenomena!
In the looks department, they have it easier… but they have other challenges when it comes to dating that evens out the scales
No… I think it is all one big obstical course.
You were also quite lucky with your wife, weren’t you?!
P.S.: I didn’t mean to say that you are unattractive though.
Men do most of the asking out, so I would think that that could be very intimidating.
how about the exchange of looks with a witty and humorous guy but still of pleasant looking face? that’ll be great for xmas.
I do not find it “easy”.. so I am nto sure about easier yet
Not really.
I think that a woman will always find a man, but that there are more men that remain alone than women. I also do agree that women tend to… “date down”, for lack of a better word. But the truth is that women will always be “in demand” and that if they must, it’s easy to just put on some make up and dye there hair. Whereas men… usually won’t go the lengths or understand how to.
I think women who believe they are dating men less attractive than themselves have an overrated opinion of their own appearance.
Well, I for one would pick a witty personality and life expectations over a nice ass any day, but I can’t say the same for many of my friends, who are decently shallow as far as dating is concerned.
Regardless, I think women have it easier as far as just dating is concerned. I don’t have to do much and BAM, I’m on a date. No work, no nothing. As a woman, regardless of what you physical appear, there’s some kind of guy somewhere that’s looking for you. We dress to attract the kind of guy we want.
I like attractive men. But not those guys, who are beautiful. It’s more about personality. Smart, confident, funny. These personality features attract me.
I don’t think that women intentionally date with men who are less attractive then them.
I think those tv shows just give ugly guys false hopes and dreams that will later be snatched away from them.
I would also like to add that there is a lid to every pot and sometimes the lid looks better than the pot.
No. It is easier for them to be ugly and date attractive people, but it is harder for men to get dates period.
How the hell do men have it easier? She fails to give any kind of reasoning for that statement, in fact that statement came out of left field which last time I checked is not a valid place to begin play in baseball. It would be nice if she could explain how she got out to left field with that ball.
Why do people care so much about celebrities and tv shows anyway? Neither one is valid proof of a damn thing in the real world.
clearly the only answer here is to start dating women.
that would solve the equality problem. we’d BOTH be dating down.
I think that GUYS have it easier….But what do I know? I’m a GIRL.
I have noticed, though that when U see a man who is not so attractive, and they are with someone who is really attractive, the first thing that someone will say is “he must have money” or “he’s got a huge penis”. That’s pretty shallow. They never take into consideration that that person might just be really awesome on the inside. I, personally, would rather be with someone who is less attractive, and has a great personality, then someone who’s hot, but acts like a total jackass.
Something else- Dating sucks [ at my age] all the good ones are married or gay…
I dunno. I think women can be just as superficial as men.
No they don’t.
If a man goes up to a woman and says “Wanna fuck?” She takes it as sexual harassment.
If a woman goes up to a man and says “Wanna fuck?” He says hell yeah!
I think men have it better than…well, ugly women. Think about it: Attractive men have it easiest; they can pretty much get whoever they want. Ugly men and attractive women are pretty much equal: some ugly men are useless and will get nothing, but others somehow bag the hotties. Beautiful women will have it easy if they’re confident enough to go after what they want… otherwise they’ll settle. And then ugly women have it worst, because no one wants them but the useless ugly men, no matter how talented and wonderful they are personality-wise.
I probably sound like a complete douchebag now. Still, given the choice, I’d rather be an ugly man than an ugly woman any day.
Why is it a competition?
I don’t know which sex has it “easier”.
As for myself, I go for personality. I’ve noticed a lot of the hot guys are full of themselves. Hot guys = eye candy. But, I don’t pretend that looks don’t count at all. Of course, they count. I’m sorry, but if I can’t look you in the eyes when I’m talking to you because you’re too damn fugly then it’s just not gonna happen.
Both can be easy, both can be hard.
YES. First of all, most places have more single woman than men. At most singles events it is mainly woman (so guys if your looking – it’s a good place to go). When men have troubles in dating, from my experience, it’s because they don’t take risks (heck, nowadays, a lot of men I know in relationships – the woman made the first move).
WIll you? tell us how young are you.
well… boy meets girl, girl meets boy. according to ratio, it will be 1:1.
I feel its fair chance.
No. Doesn’t it have to even since a couple is two people?
Obviously.
In the area of physical attractiveness, yes. As several commenters have already mentioned, a woman is much more likely to be judged by her physical appearance first, and for some guys, always. Many women are more likely to judge by other aspects of personality. And even when a guy is looking for a girl with a great personality, he still wants an a attractive woman, while a woman is much more likely to be happy with a less attractive man. Women have to be perfect, guys can get away with less.
Those are all generalizations, of course, and I know there are tons of exceptions.
idk, I think my boyfriend is more physically attractive than me… but he would say the opposite
But I really don’t care much about physical attractiveness. I’m much more interested in mental attractiveness
i think it is a case of ..the other person’s grass is greener
all depends on where u sit
ugly dudes need love, too. or so the story goes…
Dang it, I oughta be married to one hot woman according to that!
I went with good instead.
yes… they can go up and just ask – women have to be patient and wait for him to ask.
some individuals have it easier than other individuals and i don’t think it has anything to do with gender.
Probably not. Generally speaking women can always get a date, but men need to pander, beg, or have an approach to get one…unless they’re rich or good looking (or can fake one of the two); in which case women generally are falling all over themselves in a supreme effort to shed their panties for said men.
Generally speaking that is…
yes i do.
Depends on what might mean by “dating” (casual hookup v. serious relationship, getting decent date v. getting that special someone, whatever)… but anyone who can honestly state in a general way (i.e. without specific qualifiers) that men have it easier than women is really going to make me wonder about that person’s grip/view/perception of reality/objectiveness.
It’s hard to say, but I personally think the difficulty lies in the attitudes men and women have towards dating. I don’t think that one gender in general has it any better than the other, but who knows?
Money plays a big part- if a guy has money but is not attractive he can find a date
No… men have to ask out people and make nearly all the initiation in most cases.
No way is that easier than just waiting =)
not really. women and men deal with the same self conscious issues and have the same barriers when it comes to dating. of course women would normally be blind to a man’s plight and vice versa. i really don’t see what relation she’s trying to make about dating though. her statement seems very ill-thought.
derisio: fucking is not dating >_>
I don’t think men necessarily have it easier. I think that men are more likely to pursue than women, usually, and so they will pursue women that they find attractive. Probably pretty much the most attractive woman they think they can get. And sometimes it works out for them. I personally would much rather be with a less attractive guy who is humble and sweet to me than a good looking guy who is a jerk. And alot of good looking guys are pretty cocky. I’d say there are more down to earth pretty women than down to earth hot guys. But maybe that’s just my experience.
Women probably make it harder for themselves. I don’t think guys make that huge of a deal about it.
YES! They totally do! I see it all the time in malls- these really pretty girls with mediocre guys.
Plus it is so much easier for men to be even slightly overweight than it is for women. The standard is so much lower for men, how they need to look to be attractive, and everything.
Guys always go for the pretty girls, and girls (smart ones) try to go for the guys that make them laugh and all that jazz. If guys only knew how far a personality could take them….
I think that is true to a point. Since guys usually are the ones to ask and thus they hold the power in a sense. However, a lot of pressure can be put on that.
Since I don’t really date it isn’t an issue either way. However, I know I could have asked out a lot of different women, but there isn’t a lot of women that interest me.
Yes
I think its easier for men….most men just have to have a good job and a nice car to get a women. They can be fat,bald and have no social skills. Its defiantly a double standard, women can be smart but they have to be good looking also! I agree that some women date men that are not as attractive because they like to be the star in the relationship…men do it too, it screams of insecurity!
Depends on the guy and the type of girl he’s interested in. It’s all relative.
Men have it easier.
Women are more likely to settle.
No, I don’t think either gender has it easier, they just have different issues that they have to deal with.
Based on just looks? Yeah, probably..
i’ve been a man for 21 years and I can tell you it hasn’t been easy. Women have all the power when it comes to dating, whether they realize it (the ones that do are the ones that don’t go home alone at night) or don’t.
Yes…but I am NOT available.
Men have it easier. If they are ugly but have a “good personality” or are funny and/or polite then they have TONS of women to choose from. Females have to be good looking AND have a good personality. Obviously, so some extent you can make yourself better looking, but I don’t think make up and hair dye can really help that much.
yes i agree. it seems from my conversations with my male friends that they are initially drawn to someone by their looks and they go from there, as women tend to be drawn to someone’s personality and they slowly grow on them. in the end its a mental attraction that really sticks, but we get there from different directions.
I’ve been to Wal-mart, Target and the Piggly-Wiggly.
I can’t find a dating dept anywhere.
I don’t think either men or women have it easier.
I do agree you are more likely to see an attractive woman with an unattractive man than an attractive man with an unattractive woman.
YES! You don’t see many ugly women with hot dates, but you sure do see a ton of creeps walking around with pretty women on their arms.
Absolutely.
No.
Both genders judge the other by their looks. Guys do it more vocally, but girls do this as well. (if you honestly look at it, this is true. no one ever dates someone longterm that they find absolutely unattractive–unless they are int the relationship for something other than love)
Both genders also take other factors into consideration, such as personality, etc. Guys
That being said, a girls stipulations for “the perfect man” are far more exacting, and less forgiving than the typical guys “perfect women.” Seriously, compare the lists sometime. A women’s will be pages longer than the man’s more often than not.
NO!
I do not gauge America from it’s television.
I gauge America from my travels.
Only 16 year olds are cute in the midwest. By the time they hit 21?
Tank ass.
I totally agree with her… men do have the easy part
Not where I came from. The beautiful people dated the beautiful people and that explains why I was never approached by anyone remotely beautiful until internet. Thank God for internet!
no. but I somehow think it may be easier to date when you are younger.
What is the girl smoking? Guys have to do almost all the damn work. Sure dating is hard for both males and females, but men have way more pressure, especial in the initial stages of dating. The man has to open the girl, get her interested, make plans, make the first move, keep the girl interested. The woman in most cases has the power of choice. Stick most girls in a social venue and she can leave with a guy if she wants, most likely the one she chooses…ask a guy to do the same and most likely he will be coming home by himself.
My not-anymore fiance was less attractive than I. I didn’t mind…I still loved him.
I’m not sure if guys or girls have it easier in the dating department. I would think guys do, but I’m not positive…
There are more men than women in the U.S. Yes, they have it easier.
no.
and this is all assuming that females don’t hold shallow qualities that men do.
i personally, am quite shallow at first. personality matters later after physical inspection.
in fact ALL humans get attracted to someone by sight FIRST.
all humans have a predetermination on whether or not they’d date someone just by their looks if they were put into a position to consider it. personality always comes second >.<;;
We most certainly do not. Girls just look good and we come crawling to them
Erm… I really couldn’t say.
not for this guy. it was hell on earth for me. now that i am married, it seems like I get noticed more by other women. and I suspect I am not near the total dork I was when I was younger, maybe…..
I’ve never had it easy but I tell you what I’m seeing many younger women with older men…I guess younger guys only have a one track mind.
Ooo… if you find this topic particular interesting, I think you should read “Survival of the Prettiest” by Nancy Etcoff. It’s an academic study of beauty that explores it from a social to economic standpoint.
Anyhow, one of the observations she supports with evidence is that a female has much to gain on working on her beauty as a male has much more to gain in working on his financial situation. If this is true, I rather be female when I’m young in the sense that being pretty is more fun than working hard… =P… however, if I’m older, I rather be a male because beauty fades… hard work doesn’t.
Eh, why not work on both?
yep