March 20, 2008
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Nice Guys Finish Last
I posted an article in my photoblog that was titled “Harvard Study: Nice Guys Finish First.”
The article was based on the idea that coaches that punish the athletes constantly tend to do poorly in the long run. Here is the link: Link
In the comment section, I received this comment:
“When it comes to dating, nice guys finish last. GOOD guys, thoughfinish first, even if they act cocky and play the occasional jerk.” QuantumStorm
When it comes to dating, do nice guys finish last?
Comments (85)
No… especially if they have a bit of a naughty side to them…
Are there even any nice/good guys left in this world?
it certainly seems that way a lot, doesn’t it? so many of my guy friends that really are “nice guys” get dumped in favor of someone that is just wrong for that girl… one thing is for sure- if all he’s got going for him is that he’s “nice” then OF COURSE he’s going to get dropped
…but sometimes it ends up ok, i like to think i’m i nice girl that actually appreciates the “nice guy” she’s got
not if they aren’t lusting and mooning over air headed, anorexic models who don’t know they exist.
it applies for girls, too. >__>
No, I’ve dated nice guys and I’ve dated jerks and nice guys always finish first in my book. Jerks may be able to get more women in the beginning but jerks don’t last too long.
“Nice” guys are not really what a woman wants. At least, not this woman. What woman wants a man to just roll over and be nice?
I’m with Quantum. I want a good man… not necessarily a “nice” one. There is such a thing as too nice…
I waited to date the nice guy till last.I am a good wife though so I guess he didn’t finish last.
Not necessarily, but sometimes, yes. I’d be willing to date a nice guy, if I could just find one!! :]
Sometimes, yeah.
not in my book.
I only go for decent people… not the bad boys.
I think nice guys often end up taking a lot of crap from people, but when they are ready to settle down, that’s who most people go for – the NICE guys. I know I did and I got him!
i have my “bad boy”…who is a total nice guy. so no they don’t finish last in my book.
Nice guys do fine. It’s Nice Guys(tm) that finish last… you know the assholes who follow girls around and open doors for them and blahblah just because they want to get in their pants, then freak out when she doesn’t reciprocate.
The guy who’s actually a genuinely nice person, though, as long as there are no extreme circumstances (disproportionately ghastly/unmanageably shy) will probably go far.
Not really. I equate “nice” with “polite”. Generally not being polite is bad.
Not with nice girls.
@angi1972 -
I agree with you!
@couldquitepossiblybeme - That’s exactly it! The Jerks don’t stick around! The nice guys tend to be more honest and willing to work with it…
I prefer nice guys!
sometimes..
Like I said in the photoblog, nice guys finish first. Whiny, needy guys who can’t stand up for themselves finish last. The whiny, needy guys think they’re nice, but they’re not.
Eh. I say that any woman who won’t appreciate a nice guy isn’t worthy of him.
My boyfriend is amazingly sweet, and it landed him a happy relationship with a very healthy sex life. So idk what QuantumStorm is talking about… maybe because my guy is both nice and good.
i don’t think that nice guys finish last. my boyfriend is a mix of both, he’s not ” goody-good” but he is respectful and caring of others, he is great at lots of things including sports. i think that nice guys finish first- no matter what anyone else says!
always
Nice guys, like me, may finish last, but we finish best. While those cocky guys are settling for superficial fluff, we quiet nice guys find the beautiful treasures that are worth the wait.
Depends on what you mean by “nice guy”–PUSHOVERS will more than likely finish last, ending up with a girl that enjoys being in charge more than she actually cares for him as a person.
haha cool video
Whenever I hear about nice guys finishing last, and boo-hoo no woman appreciates them, I always want to jump up and down waving my arms and scream, “Look over here! look over here! I appreciate you! It would be cool if you could try to date a nice girl instead of mean, slutty ones!”
I don’t think that would go over too well, though. And thus far I have attracted only complete jerks.
@msbutterfli - Everybody says they prefer nice guys, but often I have observed that (1) girls really prefer guys who are jocks, conceited show offs, or exciting bad boys, and in most cases they prefer (2) guys with looks over guys who are just nice. Of course, the popular guys tend to do the same, too, preferring girls who are sexy over girls who are plain and nice, at least until they are more mature.
Maybe not finish last, but they can get burned quickly.
My 21 year son was dating for over 2 years. She dumped him via an email for another guy. Though I may sound like a bragging mother or perhaps naive, but I have seen the way he treated this girl with great respect and love.
He looked at me and said, “I did everything right so what happened?”
My heart broke.
It depends on your definition of what a nice guy is. My mom’s definition of a nice boy is my definition of a mama’s boy. I think they say that nice guys finish last because they tend not to be *as* aggressive in going after what they want. And I see nothing wrong with a little cockiness in a man- a bit of edge and attitude can be fun. If nice guys are finishing last, maybe they need to step it up a little and stop going after female jerks.
@Gentle_Shepherd -
So true! The best things are usually the ones worth waiting for, so even if many nice guys are kind of forced to wait, a lot of times they end up happier in the long run.
If I am meant to marry, I’m going for one of the nice guys.
I think they do finish last, yes. But I’m not a nice guy, so.. meh.
Not for me.
I mean, in my past I’ve dated the not-so-nice guy, but thats only because I was fooled by their trickery to think they were nice guys.
The only downfall to nice guys is that they let other people walk all over them. Hence why most think they finish last, when really their not really trying and just letting other people get ahead of them in the dating game.
No; that statement is a product of shortsightedness.
As for Quantum’s comment: How the hell does one differentiate between “nice” and “good”? It makes little to no sense.
If nice means that he is a punk, yes.
But if nice means that he is a good man, no.
@Gentle_Shepherd - I agree! You hit it on the head, thank you.
i think that depends on what kind of girl they are going after.
nice guys get all the girls, it’s the bitches that leave them for a jerk…
YES. My God. I don’t know why, but it seems like all girls in the world are attracted to assholes and jerks, who treat them like crap. But nice guys always seem to get the screwgie. I don’t know, maybe that’s just at my college anyway, but I’ve been watching this trend for quite some time it seems…
In my experiences, nice=last.
It’s nice for a guy to be a bit of a jerk once in awhile. It makes you appreciate their sweeter side even more.
I think girls date jerks but look for the nice guy to marry.
Nice guys are the best. My husband is a really nice guy. He also has a great sense of humor and is very confident, which may be the key for “nice guys” finding someone. Generalizing here, but confidence increases men’s attractiveness for most women.
In the short run yes, but when both parties are ready to settle down for the long run no.
I’ve been thinking on how I can captivate a woman. Usually I was just usually around a girl I liked and really sickeningly nice all the time.
Us eventually getting together reminded me of a fungus enveloping something it is near as it grows.
Relationship osmosis?
It takes too long. I’ve been thinking if it takes a certain set of qualities to really captivate a woman, then yes, nice guys do finish last.
They do finish, but last.
There’s a difference between a gentleman and a guy who is too “nice”. Women want to be respected, but not smothered. They also don’t want a man who gives in all the time. I want a good man, yes, maybe even a gentlemanly one, but he also has to have a sense of adventure and a naughty side. I don’t want to date Mr. Rogers.
And I REALLY don’t want to date the guy who whines about how he’s nice and the girls pass him up because of it. I hate hearing about how women only go for jerks. To me, that says they guy thinks women aren’t smart enough to make good choices, and I don’t want to be with someone who gives off that sort of vibe.
No, nice guys don’t finish last.
Depends on the guy I suppose.
this question is overrated..
what’s it matter if nice guys finish last or first.. chances are that at the end of the day, they’ll end up with someone..
Nice is such a vague word. I prefer guys who I consider nice: respectful, responsible, kind, agreeable. But personally, I don’t like guys who are passive or shy or overly emotional. So I think guys who let themselves be walked on get walked on.
I guess there is a difference between “nice” and “good.” I like good guys better, i guess.. i need a guy who can speak his mind. I find that “nice” guys hide things..
i like that comment. good guys do finish first. nice guys usually get walked all over. it’s their own fault, really. hahhaa.
@pnklace - Yeah I know what you mean. It seems like guys who loudly declare themselves to be “nice guys” are actually kinda manipulative and silently resentful more than anything else.
The question should be phrased- “Do girls tend to prefer the cocky guy (even if he is an asshole)?”
And I think the answer would be that they do. Arrogant guys almost always get the girls.
The phrasing of “nice” can be confusing, because most guys are “nice” to their girls, even the cocky pricks (which usually makes the girl feel special and like one of the few people that truly “understands” him), unless the person is just a complete asshole.
I think this idea really depends on who the nice or good guy is trying to date. Some people just don’t work out no matter how good or nice they are. And some people work out well even if they are not nice or good.
yes
Definitely not. I have a huge weakness for nice guys.
for the most part.
but it’s partially their own fault, because they go for not nice girls.
if a nice guy wants a nice girl, he’ll probably get it. otherwise, he’s finishing last.
Stereotypical nice guys do, yes.
<33
maybe
nice guys are usually boring.
no selfconfidence, no spontaniety, doesn’t know what the girl wants …
I want a guy who is fun and respects and treats me right, and occasionally acts like a cocky jerk. always wanting me doesn’t hurt either.
@la_faerie_joyeuse - That’s probably a very good combination (the nice and good, that is)
What I mean is, it doesn’t matter if you’re polite or have good social graces – if you’re a creep at heart or if you’re the spawn of evil, you’re not going to get very far. In the short run, being NICE will get you somewhere, but being a GOOD person helps out more, even if you’re a bit rough around the edges.
I was thinking about this question the other day. Good timing! It depends, in part, on what your definition of “nice” is. According to my definition, niceness means being polite and kind. To others, niceness means being a wishy-washy doormat.
Doormats are unlikely to get quality dates. Polite, kind guys are more likely than doormats to get a date,but other qualities play far larger roles in the attraction game. If a guy possesses those other qualities, he can be a more successful dater – even if he’s a jerk.
I don’t know. I know nice GIRLS finish last. Not for nothing is there a book called “Why Men Marry Bitches”.
Well, the nice guys may finish last, but they definitely get the best girl.
not if they go to a small christian school.
then all the “nice guys” hook up with the “nice girls” and mutate into a “couple,” never to separate or experience their own lives for the next 3 years of college. meanwhile, all the ”good” guys with personality get left out while the rest of the girls just date assholes…
that was a joke. a sad, bitter joke… but in all seriousness, i like nice guys with personality, i.e. wit and a sense of sarcasm. i wouldn’t say they have to be a jerk, but as my good friend j.d. once put it, “there’s being nice and then there’s being a purse holding bitch.”
I don’t think it’s so much of how nice a guy is, it’s if he’s a good person. You’d have to be a GOOD guy to finish first in my book.
Nice guys attract women that are going to use them, just like nice women attract user guys. That’s why they always appear to finish last. Once the nice person learns to weed out the users, they no longer finish last because they aren’t finishing alone.
Define “nice” guy. Are they a.) push over b.) act all nice in the begging and when he doesn’t get what he wants he show his true face. c.) have social skill problems. d.) none of the above. He have his heart in the right place, truly loves you, and his job is a bit nerdy but, he needs to socialize he is able to do so without any problems.
?
If your answer is d.) then yeah, “nice will finish last.
hate to do a Clinton, but it depends on what you mean by “nice”….
I guess it depends, there are three basic approaches to relationships – submission, assertion, and aggression.
most “nice” guys fall in the submissive category – they tend to lack assertion overall and are more passive-aggressive, flimsy and are often pushovers. who wants that? When it comes to women, they are really just looking for substitute mommies (someone to cook their food and fold their underwear).
Jerks fall in the aggressive category – they overstep their bounds and instead of being push overs, tend to push people around. They are often just as insecure as the nice guy they just hide it better (or try to) in their attempts to control others. After all, hurt people, hurt people.
Good guys on the other hand… fall in the assertive category – assertive guys know how to get what they want without hurting others but instead helping others in the long run – they don’t push others around and they lack superficiality, have character and integrity. Good guys are emotionally secure, financially secure, materially secure.
What women want is really the good guy and not the nice guy or the jerky ones.
Hope this helps some.
My hubby was and is a Very “nice” guy. Women who choose otherwise are stupid.
UGLY guys finish last.
Okay, I like nice guys but I DON’T like passive men. Sometimes, I think we confuse nice guys with men who don’t speak their minds or who aren’t proactive.
The girl always finshes last in this game, really.
@breathe_deep -
breathe deep – couldn’t agree with you more. When it comes to dating there are no more Mr. Nice Guys, rather ” Everybody plays the fool, play it sly keep it cool”
jbarouch
Usually that’s the case. Nice/shy guys don’t advertise them well so girls buy whatever attractive to them first. I like nice guys; if they are shy that’s OK too.
Ah, nice guys always finish last. Usually because we give way to those who may be far more competative.
Women are attracted to power. A “bad boy” shows confidence, an evidence of power to control his life. A “nice guy” is polite and dosen’t push people around, so from the outside looks less confident.
And if you are Fat and a nice guy, no women will want you.
@EccentricSiren - I agree with you 100%.
yah accha hai.
I like nice guys.
Oh! Anyone seen the Star Wars where Leia is all, “I like nice men” and Han is all, “I’m nice.”
That was amazingly cheesy and wonderful.
No, nice guys don’t finish last. But somone up there said they finish best. I completely agree.