May 16, 2008
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Sexual Tension in Friendship
I was reading Squeakysoul’s site and she was discussing the issue of whether men and women can be friends.
Here is the first few lines from her post:
“So I have come to the conclusion that it is difficult, if not
impossible, for men and women to be friends. Because the sex gets in
the way. Not actual having sex, of course. But at least one party is
always thinking about it – and it’s not always the man.”She ended the post by asking “Can men and women really be friends?”
It is interesting that even those who believed that friendship was possible appeared to think that there would always be “sexual tension” in the relationship.
Here are portions of a few of the comments:
“In my view, its impossible for men and women
to be friends..sex always gets in the way at some point…especially
the closer both of them get to each other.”“It’s not easy, but it can be done. There is
always a certain amount of sexual tension, but it’s been channeled into
humor between a couple of my male friends and I.”I think it is possible to have a friendship between a guy and a woman without there being sexual tension.
Do you think it is possible for a guy and a woman to have a friendship without there being some sexual tension?
Comments (158)
Nope, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be friends. It’s just something to be aware of. Well, unless they are both attracted to their same sex, then they should be sexual tension free.
Not entirely, no. But that does NOT mean that friendships cannot happen between a guy and a girl.
I think it is possible.
just do it man just do it! am i wrong? bang. everyone stay away.
Maybe.
A majority of my friends are male, for the specific reason that woman are dramatic bitches and I don’t care to be around them. And I can honestly say that I don’t want to jump the bones of any of my male friends. I’m not saying the thought hasn’t crossed my mind at some point, but it doesn’t disable the friendship ability.
Yes, absolutely. Or, even if one party does think about sex sometimes, so what? As long as it doesn’t become a real desire, or an infatuation, or lust, then there’s no problem.
I have lots of guy friends, and we have no problems. I feel much more comfortable around guys. Also, many of us are involved in other relationships, so we usually tend to think of sex in terms of our SO’s, NOT in terms of our friends. Plus, some of my male friends are homosexual, so they wouldn’t be attracted to me anyway.
I do think that the sexual thing might be weird if I had a lesbian girl friend who thought about sex with me. For some reason, I would feel more uncomfortable thinking that a girl might have considered me sexually than a boy.
im not sure…i have never had a friendship like that without some sexual tension
if one side thinks about sex with the other then they can’t really be friends. They CAN have a functioning friendship but only one side will view it strictly platonicly, if even that. So I would say no.. I wrote a post like that as well.
Its possible, but not without boundries. You have to have boundries. The other person may or may not need to know them.
Hillary Clinton (years ago) asked Rev Billy Graham to have lunch with her to discuss some spiritual/political issues. He declined. He told her he does not eat lunch with attractive women alone. Now whether you think Hillary is attractive isn’t the issue. He had a boundry.
I have seen situations at work where a 2 co-workers of the opposite sex had to travel, stay in a hotel (obviously separate rooms), and eat their meals together. You gotta have mental and physical boundries or YOU’RE TOAST!
absolutely, as long as there is an understanding between both, that it will never be anything more than friendship. I think the reason it is often difficult is because it is unclear to one or both as to the nature of the relationship
It IS possible, but very rare. My friend has been referred to as my wife and vice versa when we are out. And also after her divorce, she developed some feelings for me but thankfully didn’t vocalize them!
It’s possible, but one just has to keep a safe distance away. And both parties should be aware that humans have the tendency to want to breed, since that is one of the purposes of life.
From my experiences, I actually don’t think so. I’ve never had an experience of friendship with a man in which there was absolutely no sexual tension anywhere, unless he was married or gay.
And it’s not because I’m so cute no man can resist me, sometimes I’m the one finding myself being attracted etc. The ones who I have no feelings for often seem to be interested in more than just friendship and therefore keep me at arms length as a friend, the ones who I’m platonic friends with I sometimes find attractive and I’m the one who keeps them at arm’s length because I don’t want to cross the line.
The only straight men I feel no “tension” with have been married men, and even then it seems a bit inappropriate to get too close or familiar with a married man because I wouldn’t want to give the appearance of scandal.
So the only close male friends I have, if you can call them friends, are my father and brother.
No.
I have a close friend whoo’s gay. That’s all I’ll say there.
@maxximumforce - You make a good point about boundaries. I have very firm boundaries with all male friends (with all my friends, really). Unfortunately, the boundaries we put up keep us from forming a truly intimate or deep friendship; which is what I was pondering on my blog. It’s strange because I have physical boundaries with my girlfriends and we have close friendships. But somehow the boundaries with my single male friends often seems to keep the friendship on a superficial level.
It’s NOT possible. Men and women can’t make it without one wanting more. However, that doesn’t mean that even amongst the sexual tension they still can’t be GREAT friends.
it’s not sex that’s at fault; but peoples fear, that casts a dark shadow on the act itself.
too uptight to enjoy life? Go double click your own mouse.
If flirting starts, then you better beware. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s flirting, or just simply trying to be funny. There’s a fine line that some would just as soon not even get close to. I don’t mind being friends with females, it DOES mean you have to keep your guard over your heart much closer. Emotions can play lots of tricks. But yes I think men can have very good relationships with women that have no sex thoughts at all. I’m happily married, so why even entertain sex with another woman, it ain’t gonna happen.
What was it my husband said to me once….
Any man that is friends with a women is her friend because at some point it crossed his mind to F%$# her…
It might not all start out with the intent to be just friends, but I think it can develop that way. I actually have several guy friends that I have never thought about in a sexual manner.
@maxximumforce - Absolutely fantastic point.
@squeakysoul - Isn’t it sad what sin did to humanity. What should be something AWESOME turns into something ugly! Just sad! I SOOOO hate sin!
No.
I couldn’t figure out why I was so upset when my platonic male friend got engaged. And this is specifically the reason…I feel like she is taking him away from me, even though I’d never want to date him. It can never be the same again.
I have a lot of guy friends…surfer dudes, work pals, drinking buddies and guys that I occasionally use for the proverbial shoulder…and I think it is extremely easy to have great relationships with all of these men without sexual tension. Occasionally, something will happen that reminds us both that we are members of a different sex, and I think that a sexual attraction at that point might be re-visited in either of our minds. But a constant level of sexual tension, I believe, does not exist.
@UnworthyofHisgrace - Sin stinks.
Way to steal Sneakysoul’s thunder. Just recommend it and we’ll go there. Tsk tsk.
apparently this person must be from a really old school generation. I am a guy and most of my friends are female (and I’m not gay). I know girls that have mostly guy friends as well. I can hang out with them alone or not alone; it doesn’t matter. none of our friendships have the “sexual tension” or whatever because once you pass a certain attraction point and don’t become more than just friends, you realize how important this person is to you as a friend and don’t want to screw it up. plus, when you have many friends of the opposite sex, you begin to see and feel the different types of emotional connections you have with each person, where some are only that you feel with around a really good friend vs one that is sexual or that kind of attraction. you also value these people on a much higher level than just that of the ol’ mate and recreate level.
basically, what I’m saying, is that once you have many friends of the opposite sex in your life, you start to understand the different types of love that exist where only one of them is “romantic love” and the other types are friendship related.
conclusion: men and women can most certainly be friends because I am living proof it (and so are the women that are really good friends with me)
Sexual tension? No. Acting on that sexual tension? Sure.
I think it’s possible, but only if you are not attracted to the other person and could never be attracted to the other person.
yes if they’re both unattractive.
I kid!
i definitely think so. i have a lot of guy friends and it’s clear that we don’t have any sexual tension.
well actually, i think there was at some point with most of them, but once you get over it, you can have friendship.
i agree that it is possible, but both parties have to be aware of what could happen. my husband’s best friend and i were really good friends. we just hit it off as friends immediately. as time went on, though, it became more apparent. that’s when we kept away from each other a bit more and made sure things stayed kosher….like keeping the apartment door open if it was just he and i waiting for hubby to come home.
Yes. I 100% think so. Ever been friends with a small child? An elderly person? A married person? A gay person? Somone who is downright ugly?
The reasons we are attracted to potiential mates are different than the reasons we are drawn to certain people as friends. Even peers (even physically attractive peers) can be friends without sexual tension.
Of course its possible, even if the you aer a beautiful woman and your guy friend is extremely gorgeous and wealthy. Because as all women know, the man that has it all and would be perfect for us, is usually GAY. And gay guys and straight woman, and lesbian women and straight guys make the best of friends usu. without any sexual tension whatsoever. u know the other party isn’t interested,
@sgmeridian - Well said.
Probably, if only rarely.
Eh, I think people are condemning sexual tension unnecessarily. There’s nothing wrong with sexual tension; put a male and female in the same room together and eventually the thought will cross someone’s mind. The point is whether or not you can have a friendship despite that; if you can respect each other and be friends beyond whatever moments of inevitable fleeting attraction there might be.
Sexual tension, at one point or another, definitely enters into every male-female friendship. It’s entirely possible to move past it, though.
possible, but it depends on who they are.
I think it is indeed possible for a man and a woman to be friends, but there may always be some sexual attraction towards one another. For example, I’ve been best friends with a woman for 6 years, and we hardly ever have any sexual tension. We do find each other attractive, and have on occasion seen where that attraction has led, but we still remain best friends.
I believe that what can ruin a friendship is trying to have a relationship with that person. People get attached, and feelings get hurt. This has happened to me with another of my female best friends. We tried to have a relationship, and it seriously hurt our friendship.
@squeakysoul - I don’t really have a problem with women being sexually attracted to me…not many are attracted to an almost 7 foot tall BEAN POLE
I find that you have to careful when you look into the eyes. Sure, men focus a lot on looks, but looking directly into the eyes on BOTH weither you are a man or woman, that’s where the danger begins. I usually only make eye contact in spirts myself when talking to a woman. That is one thing about ME that I have to be careful about, I have these big baby blues that I’ve been complimented MANY times by women I don’t know but just meet. Funny thing is thats what attracted my wife to me…after we got married she looked at the rest of me and thought…..AAAACKKK! what have I done! 
From my personal experience, no. All my friendships with guys have been ruined/affected by this. The only one that hasn’t probably will be soon. As squeakysoul said, my father and my brother are really the only guys with whom I can have a purely platonic friendship. The only people I know who disagree with me are those in very committed (married/engaged) relationships. But in all honesty, I think that there is still sexual tension in their friendships; however, their commitment to their relationship allows them to suppress it so much that it doesn’t consciously affect them.
Definitely. I can count many friends that are ladies, and sex never gets in the way. If it does, you don’t have an adequate definition for friendship. Believe it or not, sex as wonderful as it can be, is not necessarily transcendent (unless it’s what you truly worship). You just have to keep things in their proper place. Just because the majority of a wayward culture can’t, doesn’t mean you can’t.
Yep, men and women can be friends and not have that tension. I have a few guy friends…and one of them is really close to me. It’s possible.
I believe it depends on the relationship
I truly do not believe that a man and a woman can be friends without there being sexual tension at some point. Now whether it is always there or not.. it could be (which means the friendship probably won’t last long unless it develops into a relationship) or the two involved could work past it. But in my experience, and from what I’ve seen, either the man, the woman, or both at one point in time is going to have more than friendship on their minds. It is just what happens when you have that close of a bond. I don’t think it’s a bad thing in itself. Who doesn’t want their sexual partner to be their best friend as well?
It is possible. Don’t say it’s not possible, because it is possible. It is just extremely hard to find conditions under which is works.
I have only encountered 1 such situation where I haven’t felt the slightest bit of sexual tension with a non-family member of the opposite gender; And neither has she.
But this 1 situation would demonstrate it is possible.
it’s possible for me but i’m not too sure about the guys around me. male friends are rather weird they’ll be nice to female friends because he sees her not just as a friend.
@Czolya - I’m with you on this one. No.
It’s difficult. Especially, if the friends are outside of a club, job, group, etc. My cousin had a male friend of hers attend her wedding from another country (they attended graduate school together – but I don’t know how her husband felt about it). Once one is married or seriously involved it is very difficult. There is usually jealousy from the person involved with friend.
It’s possible. Especially if neither finds anything attractive about the other.
it is very very possible. i have very close friends of the opposite sex, and we are cool, and we have been friends since forever. so you can say, we’r a pretty good example that it CAN work.
I have tons of guy friends and there’s no sexual tension at all.
Course they are all gay but……
No, I think a sexual tension will always be there, but I do think that friendships without sex or the acting upon are very possible. My closest friend is a male who I have never had or wanted to have a relationship with.
I think it is possible. It might not be common but it is possible.
I’ll respond in the form of just another question:
IF you respect your mutual boundaries and are committed to maintaining them, does sexual tension have to be a “bad” thing? Does there HAVE to be an “either/or” paradigm here?
Personally, I don’t think so. My friend Jen and I knew each other for 15 years and had plenty of sexual tension, and would crack jokes at each other (and the world) filled with sexual innuendo…. and yet, NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, because we’d agreed we weren’t going to “go there.”
i had no problem in high school having lots of close guy friends. some would still be close friends if we actually lived nearby… sigh. but i don’t think it ever HAS to stay at a certain distance because of sexual tension or whatever
It is absolutely possible for men and women to be friends without sexual tension. My closest friends are male, and the only time I ever noticed sexual tension is occasionally when they’re drunk which works for me because I don’t drink and therefore am rarely around them when they do, lol. Honestly though, I think the sexual tension enters into your platonic relationship when you first consider it, even jokingly. If you joke around or even say in passing have you ever thought about yourself and so-and-so, it doesn’t take long for that passing comment to become part of your thought process in reference to so-and-so. As humans, God created us to seek out the companionship of a mate that we connect with mentally, emotionally, physically and I would have to say most importantly in matters of pro-creation. Now look at your platonic situation; you already connect on a mental, emotional and more than likely a physical level (nobody really goes around having close ugly friends…lol). The only component missing is the idea of pro-creation, so if you let that idea be entertained, I would not let the sexual tension surprise you.
Of course, I could be completely off base. I am in a great relationship and because of that I may be completely blind to the sexual tension in my friendships…who knows!!
I have plenty of male friends that I am not attracted to. And they always tell me about other females they are attracted to, so I don’t think they’re attracted to me. I think it is possible. It depends on what the person finds attractive. Like for instance, if I prefer tall dark haired guys and most of my male friends are blond, short, and prefer Asian women, then what’s the problem?
And even if one is attracted to the other, that doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. I am very attracted to one of my male friends who has a girlfriend. I still enjoy his company. He does not know how I feel, so that makes it easier.
Yes of course. But there has to be boundaries…like not getting too close…
I have more boy mates than girls hha
i dont believe its possible… i mean its hard for me since are group of friends consists of guys and girls and there is always sexual tension betwen us all lol
In the majority of my friendships with guys, there is no sexual tension. It’s something me and my male friends have never had to deal with. I do have guy friends that I find attractive and would consider dating, but sexual tension has never been an issue.
If I’m friends w/ a guy, I’m not sexually attracted to him. This is the story of my life.
@cuteluvr21 - so true
Maybe if you’ve never had sex. I’ve never experienced a relationship or sex or anything of the matter so it’s no big deal for me to have male friends. Most of my friends are guys anyway.
I’m under the impression that it can’t happen. Even if you have been friends for year, the tension arises. It happens every time.
@squeakysoul - I agree. Usually with girls I know who are already dating someone I know are off limits as far as sexual attraction. There can be a regular attraction assuming the girl is hot.
It’s possible.
There’s always going to be some kind of tension so why not let it be sexual tension? I think that you can learn to deal with the tension.
Absolutely it is possible. I do not become friends with someone just because I’m sexually attracted to him/her. I become friends with someone because they have the same likes or I have fun doing things with that person.
no. most of my friends in highschool were guys and I found out that they wanted to date me. very distressing.
I think it is entirely possible for a man and a woman to have a friendship without any sexual tensions. It’s about knowing where to draw the line and knowing not to send the wrong signals. It requires both parties to be mature and good at reading signals, so that neither of them mistake the other as being interested sexually. It helps if both parties are in relationships. It helps more if both parties’ partners are understanding about this friendship.
In my country, and depends on my experience (in positive way of course) it is possible taht man and woman to be a friend without sexual tension. Its all depends on both of them and how far their relationship is, usually they getting wanna do sex, becoz they like each other, but they not realize it.
Haha! This is so funny I actually wrote a post on my blog about this exact topic couple months ago and didn’t get any attention. And here we are thinking this something new.
Actually, yes. I say this having had many male friends with whom I have been really close and there hasn’t been the sexual tension I’ve experienced with other guys. Or put it this way, if THEY were thinking it, it certainly didn’t create any tension!!!
I have lots of close guy friends. I think it’s possible to have them without sexual tension. But with alot of my guy friendst he sexual tension is definitley there.
I guess I feel that for it to be true that it’s impossible for men and women to be friends without one of them thinking about sex, people would have to be sexually attracted to every member of their sexually preferred gender who was within their age range, reasonably attractive, and on a first-name basis. It doesn’t work that way. Different people find different physical characteristics and personality traits attractive, which narrows down how many people they’ll actually want to sleep with. Most of my male friends aren’t my type, and I don’t think I’m theirs, either. It is possible to sexual tension to develop, but it is not a given.
more than possilbe. People are so sex crazed though which is what makes it difficult. I have a female friend and it is purely plutonic
Yeah, I do that all the time.
casual sex with a friend
friendly sex
(:
Well, some of my best friends are male, but also gay. Not really any sexual tension there. I can’t think of a friendship I’ve had with a straight man where there wasn’t a little bit of sexual tension, but that doesn’t mean that it damaged the friendship or that I shouldn’t have been friends with them. I do have one friendship now where I feel the sexual tension is almost completely gone – and it’s with someone I almost dated. I value my male friends too much to either stop being friends with them because of the problem of possible attraction or to act on an attraction which might ruin the relationship. And I think that people in relationships can have friendships with members of the opposite sex as long as they are honest with their partners.
i think so, but it doesn’t happen very often
Sure there is. My best friend is a guy, no sexual tension. That said, we joke around about sex sometimes and I told him he has a nice ass. Actually, most of my close friends are guys, and while sex is a common topic for us, it’s not as if we truly want to ravage each other. Of course, some of these friends are people I met on a sex forum. =P
My husband has always had lots of female friends, some of his current closest friends are women. And at least from his side, there is absolutely no sexual tension.
Why is it that we assume that there will always be the issue of sex between any one woman and man?
I really feel like there needs to be MORE sexual tension in my friendships with boys …
very true
wow, this is such a weird concept to me. Throughout my life, the majority of my friends have been guys, and I have never had any problems. My guy-friend to girl-friend ratio has increased over the years and it seems quite balanced now, but I have never faced any problems with that.
I could see how it could happen, but…I think it is completely and utterly possible to keep a friendship between a guy and a girl.
@EccentricSiren - thats extremely insightful of you, and I agree 100%.
absolutely. if there is no attraction or if the attractio nis only one-sided and not acted upon. 90% of my closest friends are guys… who are married or in other relationships.
Absolutely men and women can be friends. They just have to me mature people who use their brains, common sense, and a sense of humor.
People who sabaotoge their friendships based on sex are usually folks who have failed to be smarter or they are just hitting puberty.
I mean, crap sometimes happens. But if we can see each other as human beings than we can look beyond the fact that so and so has a vagina or a penis.
I need my guy friends, cause who else could I enjoy platonic spooning with?
this reminds me of the movie when harry met sally. bill murray’s character addressed this same question & his answer was no. and meg ryan’s character said yes. so! i think it’s possible but it is hard. =
There’s a lot of sexual tension between my male friends and me. But then again, that could be chalked up to the fact that we’re all hormonal teenagers.
yes. simple as that
haha, it’s a page taken out of when harry met sally…
anyway, i do think it is possible for a man and a woman to remain friends, even if there is sexual tension. as long as both are strong-willed enough to keep it platonic, i don’t see any reason why not.
i have alott of guy friends and we’ve bine best friends for years, and i dont think sexual tension will ever come between us, because we always laugh and joke about it and i no none of them feel uncomfertable.
Yes it is indeed possible. I have mostly male friends & that never comes to my mind!
As for them, some don’t think about it & others they most probably do…but friendships are possible.
Absolutely none, probably not. But both of you not noticing that it’s there, I think that is very possible
Possible, but not likely.
One of my best friends is a guy…
but he’s gay. So no sexual tension there.
The question should be whether heterosexual men and women can be friends. We all know gay men and straight women can be.
Possibly, but there is usually that transitory thought of sex on someones mind
I think there’s sexual tension in same-sex friendships too although it may be unnoticed/a different type of tension… like when girls have to have better hair/makeup/clothes than their friends or when guys constantly try to show each other up at the gym. I guess it’s more tension that results in jealousy than in desire though.
Every friend of the opposite sex you have at least once thought about what it would be like to date/sex them. That doesn’t mean you enjoyed thinking about it, but the possibility entered your mind because it’s human nature to think that way.
poppycock. Several of my best friends are girls. What tends to happen, really, is that the girl starts being looked at as part of the gang rather than a girl. One of the guys, if you will.
One of them whom I’ve known for literally my entire life has me as her staunch defender. Some commentors here may say that it’s because of feelings I have for her or jealousy or something. The deal is, one you get close to someone, it doesn’t matter what sex they are. She’s like a sister to me, and I’ll kick a guy’s ass if he hurt her just as soon as I’d call a buddie’s girlfriend out for being a bitch to him.
We’re sexual beasts! It is not possible. You can’t sit there and tell me that you have never thought about having some kind of sex with your best friend, who happens to be the opposite sex. I’m just talking about “thinking” here. I have thought and imagined having sex with my best guy friend. Its our nature.
I say it takes a lot of effort… to get to that point.
But it’s possible.
Absolutely. I have many guy friends, along with a boyfriend who I’ve been going out with for over a year, and there is no sexual tension on either side with my “just friends” guys and me. And yes, Dan, we do have strong feelings for each other.
oh yeah. it can happen. I have 2 really good guy friends and several other guy friends.
one guy is bi, and that might make a difference. but the other guy is awesome, funny and we are just friends. no attraction or tension
The same thing I said to her post: I think men and women can definiately be friends without there being any sexual tension. I see it done all the time. I have guy friends where there is no sexual tension at all, but then again, I am a Christian, and most of my guy friends are too, so we’re waiting until we get married to have sex, so that may be a factor.
I think it is very true that there will ALWAYS be sexual tension between friends of opposite sex. But like, u said ..if one can laugh it out ..channel it into something like humor ..perhaps one can have friends in the opposite sex without sexual tension!
As for me, I have always had such problems
nope…i could write a book about my friendships with men…maybe i will
If he’s:
Taken = no “more than friends” feelings
Single = probably a few “more than friends” feelings
In my personal experience, it’s rather difficult to do. I think it doesn’t have to be an overwhelming factor in the friendship, but it would probably be underlying. I couldn’t help but reply to this one…
yes. i have plenty of strictly platonic friendships. i guess it just depends on the people. i’m a “type” (i.e. only certain types of guys like me, i don’t have universal appeal, and i’m not attracted to a lot of types of guys either in GENERAL), and i make buddy-buddy with guys right off the bat (no flirting, esp. since i’m married now!). my cousin, on the other hand, is the kind of girl that instantly attracts the men, regardless of how she treats them. it’s not just the looks – there’s something very “sexual” about her chemistry, i suppose, that shines through even with no make-up, sweatshirt, and jeans. she cannot have guy friends without someone (either she or he or both) feeling some sort of attraction.
does it always have to be about sex? In any case, I believe it is possible for both the male and female person to be friends.
Err… I’ve had very few guy friends in my life so far… and sometimes there were really awkward moments. O_O
Of course it’s possible! The problem is the hegemonic masculine script. Our society dictates that for a man to be “right” he has to always want sex, and to be friends with a woman with no interest of sleeping with her would say he’s either incapable of performing in bed or gay. I have lots of male friends (though I’m a lesbian so that may skew the data), and many of me femal (straight) friends have male friends as well without sexual tension.
I think it’s possible, yes. One can’t be attracted to every person of the opposite gender.
Now I see, squeakysoul talks from her own experience. I can, too. To me it is possible. And it actually is, because even when some of my female friends are the kind of attractive they have a platoon following, we don’t feel attracted to each other. In other words, we have a working friendship where not one of us are thinking on getting too close to each other. If you find yourself being too attractive, you have to check if you’re not giving the “I’m available” signals to the other sex. And that doesn’t mean you have to be boring either!
Of course, there’s a chance you can confuse good friendship feelings for something else, too, and get all mixed-up.
Joey.
if you’ve never had sex with him, sure….but as soon as you do it once…the thought remains. and like she said, it’s not always the guy.
Absolutely.
girl and girl friends can be just as hard.
Haha. The one close guy friend I had, I ended up messing around with once, and ever since it’s been fine. You can analyze that all you want–worked out just fine for me.
I think that it’s possible.
It can and has been done.
Yes, of course! If the guy is in a relationship or is married… one has to set boundaries and can be really good friends.
ha, I have plenty of male friends that doesn’t even wanna give me hugs, let alone have sex!!
It is possible.
I think it’s possible for a girl and a guy to be friends. I have a lot of guy friends and I don’t really feel the sexual tension. They’re my guy friends for a reason. I do not want to pursue a romantic relationship with them at all. However, sometimes I do feel the need to get closer to them by engaging in sexual acts, but something always stops me for we are “just friends” and nothing more. I enjoy being in relationships with guys more so than with women anywho. There’s just a relaxed atmosphere with them that I do not feel with women. Plus, I find it fun to make threats to my guy friends that my marine boyfriend will run them over with his tank if they ever decide to advance on me, haha. [:
ofcourse one can be friends with a member of the opposite sex…
higher evolved people can
the not so evolved people have their minds in the gutter and like to gossip…IMHO :)
My male friends and I are so perverted it doesn’t matter. We just joke about it. I have many good guy friends, and my best friend’s a guy. So yes, I do think that men and women can be good friends.
And besides, I NEVER think of my friends in a sexual manner. Why? Because a few years ago, I was talking to a good guy friend of mine – who I think of as a brother – and he told me that he had a dream that he had sex with me. And he went into a lot of detail. Of course, to me it was about the same as having sex with my brother. So I never, ever think about sexing up my friends, and if I ever do get the temptation, I just slap myself.
I think there’s sexual tension in a lot of platonic relationships. Or if not, at least rivalry (a guy and a girl friend might have tensions from feelings for each other… but two straight girls might have feelings for the same guy, etc). I don’t know, I don’t think having sexual tension with a male friend is a default, but even if it were, I don’t think it would mean male-female friendship is somehow tainted or impossible. It certainly wouldn’t mean that they would be on the verge of falling into bed together at any moment. There can be sexual tension without any intent or real desire from either party.
Probably…
Absolutely. I’m a picky girl myself, so “tension” would almost always not exist on my part. And I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends, because guys are way less complicated, but that’s a different story.
Anyway, I’ve always gotten the friend that I find out later had a crush on me, but I never realize. Any guy friend I’ve had, has never pulled anything or even hinted at asking me out. Guys are either not interested, or too intimidated, and both of em have worked in my benefit, enough to stay friends.
Also, all my guy friends consider me “one of the guys”, so there’s no problem with “oh my god, I wanna go shopping!” and losing friends over the fact of being too girly.
That’s the delicate science behind it all.
Her grammar is not correct.
I made a post about this a few months back
http://weblog.xanga.com/Get_Over_It_Princess/637391536/item.html
i guess you forgot about the gay men or the lesbian women.
I think that if they are good enough friends, than they will realize how much they have to lose by dating. I have tried to date many good friends, and I finally learned that, 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t work as well as you thought it would.
I think it’s possible. with boundaries. I mean, actually, I’m just in high school so I’m not going to be all wise and true about it. But it’s possible. If there is a time where you feel that they are attractive, that’s actually good isn’t it? Because that means there’s something more than just acquaintance. You can be attracted to a thousand people and have only one person you truly like. If you find a friend of the opposite sex attractive (like when he’s playing sports or when she’s working hard at the volunteer center) that just might mean that that’s a quality that you want in your significant other. Not necessarily that you’re in love with him/her. But then again, that might be a sign that you truly do love that person. For me, even though I have a boyfriend, my guy friends are whom I mainly hang out with, and I still think “Whoa that’s awesome” when I see them in concentration mode, because that’s a trait I truly value in a person (the passion and determination to succeed in something).
My two best friends are guys. We met in college, and we all grew in our faith together while in college, serving in our campus ministry. I would never recommend it for other gals, and it wasn’t intentional, it just happened that way. I always got along better with guys: I’m loud, like to be outside, hate movies/chickflicks/makeup/sitting and talking and love video games/sports/wearing sweats everywhere!
i think i was meant to be born a guy.
anywho, i know that if a girl is close to a guy, she can almost always make him like her, but girls always know what they’re doing when this happens. even if they say they don’t. so just act accordingly gals, if you want a friend or a boyfriend.
Actually, alot of my friends are male.
My two best friends of course are female, but for the majority of people I hang out with its the opposite sex…
There’s absolutely no sexual tension between us, mostly because we’ve all been friends for years. I think it’s because we put each other in that “Friend” zone, which has the mentality of looking at each other as siblings. It would just be plain gross to jump in the sack with them, and they feel the same way about me XD
If you can’t be friends with someone because they’re of the opposite sex and you feel sexual tension between the two of you all the time, with every man/woman you come in contact with, It sounds more like the problem is that you think about sex way to much.
@StewieIsMyHero - I totally agree.
wa……….
wa
כל הורה צריך לבדוק אם הפעילות של בנו בחצר בית הספר מתבצעת מתחת סוככים , כי רק אז פעילות זו נחשבת לבריאה.
pretty much no.
You could argue that I am too old (over 60), but I’ve had lots of friends who were women over the years. Some of them were close friends and, in some cases, sexually attractive. However, I reminded myself that I am already committed to my wife for that sphere of my life. Most of the women were similarly committed to another. Just because there might be some attraction does not mean that one must yield to the temptation. In fact, managing attraction oftentimes strengthens the friendship by taking the threat of betraying other commitments away.
Yes, it’s possible to not have sexual tension. I think the key is developing understanding as you get to know each other. It’s worked for me!
Honestly, my platonic male friendships help me get through a lot. Not to say my female friends don’t, but I get along really well with guys.
Anyone else having flashbacks to When Harry Met Sally?
I’m really not sure how I feel about it. I think that, for me, there has always been a little bit of sexual tension between my guy friends and I. It doesn’t even matter which one it is. It’s there just because it’s there. I may never be inclined to act upon it, but for a split second at some point in my life, I thought about it. It’s big enough in significance to merit my interest in harboring those thoughts but not enough to make me do something about them.
I do believe, however, that it could be possible. I find that most of my male friends came to me out of some mutual attraction in the beginning. It’s life… or hormones.
I think so – but there are (obvious) lines not to cross. Also, there is the fact that one or both may be attracted to the other, which is bad if (1) The other does not feel the same (2) they are dating other people or (3) one or both are married.
Possible – yes,
but also more complicated.
My best friend is a guy, he is like my brother and we view each other like family.
Yes. I have had lots of platonic friendships with men. I don’t see the problem. I can also be friends with guys I find attractive, but I have not been attracted to all of my guy friends by any means. Plus, any slight attraction on either part hasn’t really ever gotten in the way of my friendships.
Yes and No. It’s natural to think about sex when you’re with someone of the oppopsite gender. But you don’t have to entertain those thoughts or act on them…you can just be friends
It’s completely possible…if there is no attraction. One of my best friends is a guy, there has never been any ‘tension’ between us because we couldn’t be less attracted to each other if we tried.
It’s entirely 100% possible.
Yes. For example, I have a couple guy friends and while there is the sexual tension with one, there isn’t any with the other. Strange.
i have had mostly guy friends in my life (i am female), and i have either thought about fucking them, or actually did fool around with them. my “crew” in high school consisted of myself and four guys. i slept with three out of the four, and have remained close friends with them to this day (fifteen years later). none of us are weirded out by it. i still joke around with some of them about it, but it’s never awkward. so i think it all depends on your emotional state. if you get attached, then you have problems. i think sexual tension is a great thing, and sometimes it just needs to be quenched so you can get on with your life.