It may be wrong at the moment, but everyone’s mind wanders sometimes, it can’t be helped.. we’re all human…
Every couple should make a customized contract before they get married to decide what’s okay and what’s not okay, so that there’s no surprises in the future. If fantasizing about other people is allowed in a married couple’s contract, then it’s not wrong.
Yes – foundation of disloyalty
As in lust. Adultery happens first in the mind.
Maybe. But if you’re a man, that’s like asking if it’s wrong to breathe throughout the day.
Yes. It’s adultery. And jerky behavior.
Yes, it’s wrong.
Yes!
Sex thoughts might happen when you see an attractive person, but it’s your choice what you do with those thoughts. You can either sit there and fantasize or kick the thoughts out of your head.
no, it’s natural. As long as it is just fantasy…
Very much so.
Once? No. But recurring… I question why you’d do it.
Nope. Why do you think I wear a brown paper bag over my head everytime?
Fantasize? No, not really. To do it – grey area (with swingers, threesomes, and so forth)…
no…yes… no…
I don’t know! Yesh…
Well that’s a loaded question.
Wrong? Maybe, but realistically it happens. As long as someone doesn’t act on it or make their spouse feel bad about it, it’s not a horrible thing.
If someone is smart about it use it as an opportunity to question why they’re feeling that way and find ways that are inclusive to the spouse to fix them. Fantasies don’t equal infidelity to me.
yes and no, if it keeps on reoccurring that’s a bad sign
I do think that is is wrong,especially if you do it while you are having sex with said spouse.
yes, that’s why when i fantasize, i fantasize about my spouse having an entire face/body lift to look like brad pitt /christian bale /rain. it works out for everyone.
Yes.
If its a dream (aka you have no control over it) then no, but if its daydreaming then yeah.
is it bad to fantasize about your spouse when you’re cheating o them with someone else?
No, there’s nothing wrong with pretending.
only in a serious, emotionally disloyal way, like realistically wishing you were with someone else.
occasions like an accidental sex dream, or thinking of [hotcelebrityname] when you start fapping don’t count, IMO.
Absolutely.
I think if you’re regularly fantasizing about someone else (particularly if it’s someone you know in real life), then you might need to re-evaluate your choices.
If it happens once or twice, or if you occasionally fantasize about a famous actor or something, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
But I think that everyone should be primarily attracted to their spouse/fiance/boyfriend, and shouldn’t really be considering other goods. Something like roleplay games where your spouse plays the mailman or schoolgirl are fine. Roleplay games where your husband plays his best friend Todd probably aren’t healthy.
Oh, and there’s DEFINITELY a difference between who you think about when you’re having sex with your spouse, and who you think about when you’re masturbating. When masturbating, the rules are much looser. But if you’re pretending that you’re having sex with someone else… that’s not so great.
@anth0nyc - Depends on where your heart is. If your heart is with the person you’re having sex with outside of your marriage, then yes, I think so.
No….hell at my age its good to have a few fantasy women
it’s bad, but i feel like men can’t help doing it.
nothing wrong with thoughts
Yes, absolutely. Fantasizing brings about desires that many people end up acting out on..
yes
Yes, I think if you’re in love you should find it hard to think about anybody else in that way
What boring sex lives xangans have! Boooooo.
No, I think it’s healthy.
Do people really have choice in this matter?
@wherethefishlives - Good to know you think so And the answer is yes for me too.
@VersaGratis - And you know, I’m not denying the fact that 99 percent of the population does it at some point, I’m just saying it’s not right.
Yes. I believe the whole “lust in your heart = adultery” thing.
eh I don’t know. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in.
Yes, I do.
Fantasies about sex can be just that, or they can be more like obsession. Obsession I think leads to action.
Although someone who feels the need to fantasize about sex outside of a relationship may do so because of limitations within that relationship that are out of that persons control, like mental or physical illness.
Generally though I would say that extra marital sexual fantasies are probably not helpful to a healthy marriage or relationship.
YES! it’s unfaithful!
Nope, as long as it’s in healthy doses. Everything in moderation.
true fantasy with the celebs….giggle oh heck giggle
My wife is the one person I never fantasize about . . . .
I notice that a lot of people are referring to your “mind wandering”. I don’t think that’s what fantasizing is. Fantasizing is dwelling on and “making a fantasy” out of a situation. In essence, you are building up a story and you supply the characters. It is NOT a fleeting thought.
So yes, I think it’s bad. Even if I didn’t bring biblical implications into play.
HECK NO! I mean as long as you do not act on the it is just a fantasy you are showing your creativity. Right?
Yes. End of story.
YES!!
It is a form of test from God to mankind…we are not created total perfect in body, mind, spirit, soul and nature but whoever is tempted of the devil to go against God’s Commandment that leads to the Straight Path… then it is a sinful act and the punishment is Fire of Hell unless God’s will of Forgiveness…only God knows…
I think i might go to hell if i answer this question truthfully….so i am going to say yes..it is wrong
No one is perfect so i wouldn’t be surprised if it happens. It could happen out if curiosity or lack of sex or some other issue. However that doesn’t mean that it should continue and it’s definitely something to question oneself about.
Yes. A dream and a fantasy are different. One is deliberate.
It was nice to read through all the interesting posts you made while I was gone. Happy summer!
I don’t think it’s wrong to FANTASIZE about someone who is not your spouse, as long as that is as far as it goes.
Yes. Like Paige said, adultery occurs first in the mind. If you’re married, you should not be fantasizing about anyone but your spouse like that.
Yeah, it’s a thought crime, and Big Brother’ll get you for it.
Double plus bad.
But no, I don’t think so.
It’s hard to say, really. I mean, sex is a natural thing, and instincutal thing. And to be completely honest and logical, I don’t really know how “natural” it is to have one partner in the first place.
BUT . . .
If I was married, I would be hurt that my husband fantasized about other women. I’d feel like I couldn’t satisfy him enough to keep his mind on me. This question is difficult.
Personally, I consider it a form of emotional cheating.
if one feels guilty than it is more than pure fantasy…some thing or some one else is bothering your intolerance level. every woman as well as every man will and know they will entertain themselves with sexual images.
it’s just that insecurities makes people afraid to lose a personal possession. once they bed n wed than they are entitled.. no more work!
Absolutely.
If it’s just a fantasy that’s never gonna bcome reality, then I don’t see the harm in it. Is it wrong to dream about owning a porsche if you drive a dodge?
Wow, what a tame bunch here! Obviously not Savage Love readers, or you’d all be up on an apparently quite common fetish by the name of cuckolding. Some people really get off on that kind of stuff, and there are degrees that involve just talking about it, and degrees that involve actual “cheating” which I put in quotes because it’s consensual. No pun intended.
Bottom line, what are the terms of the relationship?
Yes. I wouldn’t allow that and believe me, my husband will know what I’m comfortable and what I’m not comfortable with.
Xo
It’s normal but, just don’t carry away like bring friction into reality. There is where you cross the line of doing something wrong.
No, because the mind is always working. It’s natural to wander and wonder sometimes.
ummm no?
i don’t know… i don’t have a spouse and i don’t know how it feels… but i think it’s okay… that’s why it’s fantasy right? we all know it’s not real.
It’s perfectly wrong to be human, sure.
In fact, if you ever entertain the thought of doing anything socially unacceptable, you probably have several mental disorders.
Here. Take these pills. They will make you behave correctly. Or not at all. But then, what’s the difference?
no. it’s part of being a human in nature. that is why I disagree with religions so much, they try to take away basic human needs.
I don’t really fantasize about sex with other people because my imagination is pretty broken, but I can’t believe that so many people think it is wrong.
YES
Everyone has a wondering mind… The key is being able to control it in a world that tells us not to think for ourselves and instead to follow our desires…
Fantasy is kind of like a cancer… It is easiest to treat in the beginning stages.
That’s like asking if it’s wrong to be human. Thoughts tend to be spontaneous. The decision to continue a line of thinking or to act or not act upon them is determined by will and ethics.
I think its alright, I mean once in a while people fantasize. I don’t exactly want to know he is fantasizing about anyone LALALA but if he does, its okay as long as I don’t know XD AND as long as it is someone that he will NEVER EVER see in real life , it is completely different if he sees that person daily or something. And also it depends how often it happens… Same for me. And anyway, fantasizing is cool when you are NOT having sex with that person. I mean if you have to fantasize while having sex with your spouse… That’s just horrible degrading, BAD and EVIL. I would never do that… And I would be devastated if found out anyone ever had done that… >:O
I think everyone here is lying. Its fine, they can’t freakin read ur mind!
Provided you don’t act on the impulse, or allow it to interfere with your realtionship or raising children. (If there are children.)
Well, what would you like me to think of when I’m trying to orgasm so that you can feel better about yourself and your woman pleasing abilities?
I don’t think it’s wrong. If it happens all the time, it is, but sometimes it just happens. And unmarried people who won’t have a spouse in the foreseeable future need someone to fantasize about.
Yes. No ands, ifs, or butts. Period.
Quite wrong, I’d say.
You shouldn’t be having sex with that person if you’re fantasizing about someone else. That’s never happened to me and if it does, then… fuck.
It would be a kind of spiritual or emotional adultery to fantasize about someone other than your spouse.
In my case, I’m still fantaszing about someday having a spouse. But like all fantasies, it’s a fiction that ain’t gonna happen. After all, we live in a real world where fantasies don’t come true–and if they ever did, they’d probably be more like a nightmare than the stuff we dreamed. . . .
Yes it is wrong. In the eyes of God you would be committing adultery. The Bible says that even if you look at a member of the opposite sex to lust after them you are committing adultery. It would be the same with thoughts and imaginings. The Bible also teaches that we are to keep our thoughts on all that is pure, noble, just, lovely and of good report. Phil. 4:8.
depends on the one youre fantasizing about… someone youre close friends with? oh hell yes its wrong a movie star? no way
Absolutely, yes.
It depends on if the person is comfortable with it, and if he/she can keep her thoughts to herself if her partner is offended. I don’t believe in “thought crimes”, otherwise we should all be serving life sentances in prison right now. But I do believe each person is responsible for how he/she affects those around him. So no, fantasies aren’t wrong, and can actually be good for comeing up with more creative ways to have fun in the sack. Just don’t hurt anyone with them.
Yes. Jesus said, “‘You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
@Nanaline - Yeah, that’s pretty much the same for me when you really like/in love with a person. I can be in an elevator filled with male models and in my mind, I’m thinking ‘man I can’t wait until my work ends and see my guy afterwards.’
@trunthepaige - I am going to have to agree with this comment.
idk
Yeah. Emotional adultery is ten times worse than physical adultery. If you’re having these thoughts about someone other than the person you vowed to love, then you’re probably in love with this new person.
hmm, i would say no…because sometimes you can’t help but fantasize…your mind wanders. i suppose im more physicallly/sexually secure in some ways. i think its worse to have emotional attachment to someone, rather than fantasize about having sex with tyra banks or jessica alba.
Yes, but everyone does it. As long as they don’t live out their fantasy.
Comments (100)
yes
as long as it ends there…
and doesn’t happen recurringly
No, why would it be?
It may be wrong at the moment, but everyone’s mind wanders sometimes, it can’t be helped.. we’re all human…
Every couple should make a customized contract before they get married to decide what’s okay and what’s not okay, so that there’s no surprises in the future. If fantasizing about other people is allowed in a married couple’s contract, then it’s not wrong.
Yes – foundation of disloyalty
As in lust. Adultery happens first in the mind.
Maybe. But if you’re a man, that’s like asking if it’s wrong to breathe throughout the day.
Yes. It’s adultery. And jerky behavior.
Yes, it’s wrong.
Yes!
Sex thoughts might happen when you see an attractive person, but it’s your choice what you do with those thoughts. You can either sit there and fantasize or kick the thoughts out of your head.
no, it’s natural. As long as it is just fantasy…
Very much so.
Once? No. But recurring… I question why you’d do it.
Nope. Why do you think I wear a brown paper bag over my head everytime?
Fantasize? No, not really. To do it – grey area (with swingers, threesomes, and so forth)…
no…yes… no…
I don’t know! Yesh…
Well that’s a loaded question.
Wrong? Maybe, but realistically it happens. As long as someone doesn’t act on it or make their spouse feel bad about it, it’s not a horrible thing.
If someone is smart about it use it as an opportunity to question why they’re feeling that way and find ways that are inclusive to the spouse to fix them. Fantasies don’t equal infidelity to me.
yes and no,
if it keeps on reoccurring
that’s a bad sign
I do think that is is wrong,especially if you do it while you are having sex with said spouse.
yes, that’s why when i fantasize, i fantasize about my spouse having an entire face/body lift to look like brad pitt /christian bale /rain. it works out for everyone.
Yes.
If its a dream (aka you have no control over it) then no, but if its daydreaming then yeah.
is it bad to fantasize about your spouse when you’re cheating o them with someone else?
No, there’s nothing wrong with pretending.
only in a serious, emotionally disloyal way, like realistically wishing you were with someone else.
occasions like an accidental sex dream, or thinking of [hotcelebrityname] when you start fapping don’t count, IMO.
Absolutely.
I think if you’re regularly fantasizing about someone else (particularly if it’s someone you know in real life), then you might need to re-evaluate your choices.
If it happens once or twice, or if you occasionally fantasize about a famous actor or something, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
But I think that everyone should be primarily attracted to their spouse/fiance/boyfriend, and shouldn’t really be considering other goods. Something like roleplay games where your spouse plays the mailman or schoolgirl are fine. Roleplay games where your husband plays his best friend Todd probably aren’t healthy.
Oh, and there’s DEFINITELY a difference between who you think about when you’re having sex with your spouse, and who you think about when you’re masturbating. When masturbating, the rules are much looser. But if you’re pretending that you’re having sex with someone else… that’s not so great.
@anth0nyc - Depends on where your heart is. If your heart is with the person you’re having sex with outside of your marriage, then yes, I think so.
No….hell at my age its good to have a few fantasy women
it’s bad, but i feel like men can’t help doing it.
nothing wrong with thoughts
Yes, absolutely. Fantasizing brings about desires that many people end up acting out on..
yes
Yes, I think if you’re in love you should find it hard to think about anybody else in that way
What boring sex lives xangans have! Boooooo.
No, I think it’s healthy.
Do people really have choice in this matter?
@wherethefishlives - Good to know you think so
And the answer is yes for me too.
@VersaGratis - And you know, I’m not denying the fact that 99 percent of the population does it at some point, I’m just saying it’s not right.
No, actions and thoughts are different things.
No
@wherethefishlives - I understand, and I agree.
Yes. I believe the whole “lust in your heart = adultery” thing.
eh I don’t know. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in.
Yes, I do.
Fantasies about sex can be just that, or they can be more like obsession. Obsession I think leads to action.
Although someone who feels the need to fantasize about sex outside of a relationship may do so because of limitations within that relationship that are out of that persons control, like mental or physical illness.
Generally though I would say that extra marital sexual fantasies are probably not helpful to a healthy marriage or relationship.
YES! it’s unfaithful!
Nope, as long as it’s in healthy doses.
Everything in moderation.
true fantasy with the celebs….giggle oh heck giggle
My wife is the one person I never fantasize about . . . .
I notice that a lot of people are referring to your “mind wandering”. I don’t think that’s what fantasizing is. Fantasizing is dwelling on and “making a fantasy” out of a situation. In essence, you are building up a story and you supply the characters. It is NOT a fleeting thought.
So yes, I think it’s bad. Even if I didn’t bring biblical implications into play.
HECK NO! I mean as long as you do not act on the it is just a fantasy you are showing your creativity. Right?
Yes. End of story.
YES!!
It is a form of test from God to mankind…we are not created total perfect in body, mind, spirit, soul and nature but whoever is tempted of the devil to go against God’s Commandment that leads to the Straight Path… then it is a sinful act and the punishment is Fire of Hell unless God’s will of Forgiveness…only God knows…
I think i might go to hell if i answer this question truthfully….so i am going to say yes..it is wrong
No one is perfect so i wouldn’t be surprised if it happens. It could happen out if curiosity or lack of sex or some other issue. However that doesn’t mean that it should continue and it’s definitely something to question oneself about.
Yes. A dream and a fantasy are different. One is deliberate.
It was nice to read through all the interesting posts you made while I was gone. Happy summer!
I don’t think it’s wrong to FANTASIZE about someone who is not your spouse, as long as that is as far as it goes.
Yes. Like Paige said, adultery occurs first in the mind. If you’re married, you should not be fantasizing about anyone but your spouse like that.
Yeah, it’s a thought crime, and Big Brother’ll get you for it.
Double plus bad.
But no, I don’t think so.
It’s hard to say, really. I mean, sex is a natural thing, and instincutal thing. And to be completely honest and logical, I don’t really know how “natural” it is to have one partner in the first place.
BUT . . .
If I was married, I would be hurt that my husband fantasized about other women. I’d feel like I couldn’t satisfy him enough to keep his mind on me. This question is difficult.
Personally, I consider it a form of emotional cheating.
if one feels guilty than it is more than pure fantasy…some thing or some one else is bothering your intolerance level. every woman as well as every man will and know they will entertain themselves with sexual images.
it’s just that insecurities makes people afraid to lose a personal possession. once they bed n wed than they are entitled.. no more work!
Absolutely.
If it’s just a fantasy that’s never gonna bcome reality, then I don’t see the harm in it. Is it wrong to dream about owning a porsche if you drive a dodge?
Wow, what a tame bunch here! Obviously not Savage Love readers, or you’d all be up on an apparently quite common fetish by the name of cuckolding. Some people really get off on that kind of stuff, and there are degrees that involve just talking about it, and degrees that involve actual “cheating” which I put in quotes because it’s consensual. No pun intended.
Bottom line, what are the terms of the relationship?
Yes. I wouldn’t allow that and believe me, my husband will know what I’m comfortable and what I’m not comfortable with.
Xo
It’s normal but, just don’t carry away like bring friction into reality. There is where you cross the line of doing something wrong.
No, because the mind is always working. It’s natural to wander and wonder sometimes.
ummm no?
i don’t know… i don’t have a spouse and i don’t know how it feels… but i think it’s okay… that’s why it’s fantasy right? we all know it’s not real.
It’s perfectly wrong to be human, sure.
In fact, if you ever entertain the thought of doing anything socially unacceptable, you probably have several mental disorders.
Here. Take these pills. They will make you behave correctly. Or not at all. But then, what’s the difference?
no. it’s part of being a human in nature. that is why I disagree with religions so much, they try to take away basic human needs.
I don’t really fantasize about sex with other people because my imagination is pretty broken, but I can’t believe that so many people think it is wrong.
YES
Everyone has a wondering mind… The key is being able to control it in a world that tells us not to think for ourselves and instead to follow our desires…
Fantasy is kind of like a cancer… It is easiest to treat in the beginning stages.
That’s like asking if it’s wrong to be human. Thoughts tend to be spontaneous. The decision to continue a line of thinking or to act or not act upon them is determined by will and ethics.
I think its alright, I mean once in a while people fantasize. I don’t exactly want to know he is fantasizing about anyone LALALA but if he does, its okay as long as I don’t know XD AND as long as it is someone that he will NEVER EVER see in real life , it is completely different if he sees that person daily or something. And also it depends how often it happens… Same for me. And anyway, fantasizing is cool when you are NOT having sex with that person. I mean if you have to fantasize while having sex with your spouse… That’s just horrible degrading, BAD and EVIL. I would never do that… And I would be devastated if found out anyone ever had done that… >:O
I think everyone here is lying. Its fine, they can’t freakin read ur mind!
Provided you don’t act on the impulse, or allow it to interfere with your realtionship or raising children. (If there are children.)
Well, what would you like me to think of when I’m trying to orgasm so that you can feel better about yourself and your woman pleasing abilities?
I don’t think it’s wrong. If it happens all the time, it is, but sometimes it just happens. And unmarried people who won’t have a spouse in the foreseeable future need someone to fantasize about.
Yes. No ands, ifs, or butts. Period.
Quite wrong, I’d say.
You shouldn’t be having sex with that person if you’re fantasizing about someone else. That’s never happened to me and if it does, then… fuck.
It would be a kind of spiritual or emotional adultery to fantasize about someone other than your spouse.
In my case, I’m still fantaszing about someday having a spouse. But like all fantasies, it’s a fiction that ain’t gonna happen. After all, we live in a real world where fantasies don’t come true–and if they ever did, they’d probably be more like a nightmare than the stuff we dreamed. . . .
Yes it is wrong. In the eyes of God you would be committing adultery. The Bible says that even if you look at a member of the opposite sex to lust after them you are committing adultery. It would be the same with thoughts and imaginings. The Bible also teaches that we are to keep our thoughts on all that is pure, noble, just, lovely and of good report. Phil. 4:8.
depends on the one youre fantasizing about… someone youre close friends with? oh hell yes its wrong
a movie star? no way
Absolutely, yes.
It depends on if the person is comfortable with it, and if he/she can keep her thoughts to herself if her partner is offended. I don’t believe in “thought crimes”, otherwise we should all be serving life sentances in prison right now. But I do believe each person is responsible for how he/she affects those around him. So no, fantasies aren’t wrong, and can actually be good for comeing up with more creative ways to have fun in the sack. Just don’t hurt anyone with them.
Yes. Jesus said, “‘You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
@Nanaline - Yeah, that’s pretty much the same for me when you really like/in love with a person. I can be in an elevator filled with male models and in my mind, I’m thinking ‘man I can’t wait until my work ends and see my guy afterwards.’
@trunthepaige - I am going to have to agree with this comment.
idk
Yeah. Emotional adultery is ten times worse than physical adultery. If you’re having these thoughts about someone other than the person you vowed to love, then you’re probably in love with this new person.
hmm, i would say no…because sometimes you can’t help but fantasize…your mind wanders. i suppose im more physicallly/sexually secure in some ways. i think its worse to have emotional attachment to someone, rather than fantasize about having sex with tyra banks or jessica alba.
Yes, but everyone does it. As long as they don’t live out their fantasy.