July 31, 2008
-
Shacking Up
I was just reading an article that suggested that the divorce rate was higher if a couple lived together before marriage.
The article suggested that although the divorce rate was higher for those who lived together first, factors like children and other people living in the home played into the divorce rates. So the author of the article was pointing out that a couple may actually be better off to live together first. Here is the link: Link
Would you ever give serious consideration to living with a person before you married him/her?
Comments (137)
I would never do it any other way….
live together waaaaay first. Just to see how things go. You know?
Yes, I have even as a Christian, I have toyed with the idea. But I can’t. I need the paper, signed, sealed and dated!! Call me a wimp, but I need the commitment!
I would NEVER even consider marrying someone without living with them first. There is a lot about a person you discover just by being around them 24/7. Living with them shows you what it would be like if you were to get married. There are a lot more issues likely to arise if you get married first and then move in together.
-L
nope
Been there. Done that.
Doing it now.
I think I’d feel better if I was engaged to the person but I’m not completely against the idea either.
I would say living together gives you the idea of what being married would be like. It tells you if your more compatible, and it tells you what the person is like in their own private time.
NOT to say that you should just give up your apartment and move in, “because in a world where carpenters are resurrected” anything can happen.
Did it before I married.
Can I get married yet?
i don’t think living together before you are married could ever give you a realistic picture of marriage. the way a person acts when they have the option to leave you and the way they act when that option is gone are completely different.
i think it cheapens everything and nothing can ever truly prepare you for marriage. even if you have dated for 10 years, 10 months, lived together, had a long distance relationship…whatever.
it’s a whole different mentality. one alot of people are afraid of.
Didn’t you ask this question not long ago?
Nope. Call me old fashion, but I like the idea of having my own space until I say “I do”. I don’t mind spending the night or a few nights at each others places.
i did live withmy ex before we got married – we lasted 13 yrs….
Nope, I won’t.
that is not news, nor is it at all contested. lots of research and it all says the same thing. living together doesn’t work if your goal is a lasting relationship. the common belief we that living together is a good idea before marrying is simply wrong. those how do not live together, have better change of a long tear marriage, than those playing house first.
No.
Id live with my boyfriend for a year then i want a ring on my finger and wedding plans happening within the year.
Xo
It’s the only plausible way I would EVER marry someone.
yeah i need to know what its like to live with someone before getting married and being screwed forever
I have no intention of living with a man with whom I have a romantic relationship without the benefit of marriage. Obviously I discount family and platonic roommates in that thought
. I learned a long time ago that living together before marriage actually is linked to a higher divorce rate, and due to my personal moral beliefs I don’t believe in it either. I also wouldn’t want to do it for practical reasons. Think about it: why would a man who has the benefit of you living there freely giving him sex and other domestic benefits (cooking et al) have any motivation to get off his ass and actually marry you? What kind of man would want to live in an arrangement like that other than someone who is looking for a no-strings arrangement? No marriage = one foot out the door at all times. I say bollocks to that; you want to be with me, we’re gonna do things right.
No. You move in together the day you get married.
@LifeNeedsProtection - How about with other people? Like, live with your significant other, with a few other roomies too. I’m in college, and a Christian too, dealing with this now, and I’m okay with it. As long as the amount of time you spend together doesn’t lead to something it shouldn’t.
Yes.. I will probably do exactly that.
I would and HAVE lived with someone before I married them. The first man was not for me, and I found this out ONLY after living with him, which was a HUGE blessing, let me tell you. The second man I am married to right now and we are super happy!
I also reccomend having sex before marriage, as it is really important to know that your partner can take care of your needs sexually before you are with them for eternity, and vice versa. It will also prevent a person from rushing into marriage just because they need to get laid, which happened to my friend Ashley and BOY was that a disaster.
Been there done that. I wouldn’t marry someone without living with them first. End of story.
I would never live with a woman who had a pony-tail like that.
No.
This is awesome news for me! J and I lived together, but we were engaged and we never lived with anyone else. Apparently that boosts our chances of not divorcing. Woohoo!
I couldn’t marry someone I didn’t live with.
Maybe.
Hmmm… I’d consider it but for some reason I’ve always preferred the idea of living together after we make it legal. For me, it would make the marriage feel kind of like a piece of paper if we lived together before.
After 26 years of marriage (yes, I’m still married) – if I ever was in that position again in my life, you betcha.
A lot of people asked me if I was going to move in with my fiance before we got married. I said “NO!”
For me, it defeats the purpose of getting married, you know? If you’re already living together and sleeping together, then marriage is nothing more than a formality. A piece of paper. A legality. I wanted my marriage to be an actual change in my life, not just a ceremony I had to go through. If I had moved in with my fiance before we got married, my whole entire family would have frowned upon me, anyway.
Besides, it’s my 7 month anniversary today and my hubby and I have not had any problems when it comes to our living arrangements. So you can, in fact, make it work without living with the person before hand.
P.S. My modern psychology book actually agreed that people who cohabitate before marriage have a higher divorce rate.
I don’t believe in shacking up. It’s a sin. And really weird, I would imagine.
Yes. I need to know I can live comfortably with him first.
Hmm let’s see. Got married and didn’t live together beforehand; worst mistake of my life!!!!!!!!
Fast forward 7 years and I live with my boyfriend turned fiance’ for about 16 months then get married and we’re totally happy.
I think it’s like buying a pair of shoes without trying them on. Things are way different when you are with them 24/7. And if you don’t make sure that you can live with that before you get married, you are in for a rude awakening!! Not saying you’d not make it if you don’t live together first but I think living together first reduces the chances that you’ll divorce.
Marriage?!?! .. *Gulp*
@ficklemistress - About satisfying sexual needs: your partner should always be willing to learn and change to satisfy you. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex before marriage to make sure. But it’s a matter of personal choice. I waited until I was married, and sex is very satisfying in our relationship.
@KechiNeko244 - I don’t think it defeats the purpose of marriage. The entire purpose of marriage is vowing that you’ll love your significant other until the day you die and that you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with him or her — not to live together and have sex. Its not only a formality, but its an emotional and sometimes spiritual ceremony that binds a couple together. I know there’s a high divorce rate and all, but that’s just my take on it. I don’t think moving in together first and even having sex prior to the marriage is bad. It all depends on the two people and the status of their relationship at that point. I plan on moving in with my boyfriend soon, before marriage, not only to be with him more often and see if we can happily live together, but also because of financial issues. Its easier to afford an apartment together and neither of us can stay where we are now.
I’m currently living with my boyfriend. We eventually plan to get married but I do not have a ring on my finger yet.
I believe that different living situations are better for different relationships though.
I think living together first is a deffinate. I didn’t do it…considering I’m 17. But me and my husband just had a 2 week taste of living together and we have alot of stuff to talk about, like rules and boudaries lol. Nothing to argue about though.
@Nikolais_apprentice - Sure..I do not see a problem with it. If you can abstain from sex …you have more willpower than I ever had!!
I think you SHOULD live together before marriage. Help get to know them further before marriage.
I’d feel better if I got to know them for a bit before marrying them just to see if everything goes well.
But I’m already in an amazing relationship, so thats the first thing we plan on doing soon as we get a place. ^^
I would much rather live with someone before marrying them. I think it’s the best way to determine if our relationship would withstand anything and everything. Besides, it would be rather unfortunate to discover that you can’t stand living with your new spouse…after the wedding.
Yeah.
Nope. I’m pretty sure living together would lead to premarital sex and I’m against that.
@LifeNeedsProtection - eh… for some reasons that it would be a long story for me to explain, abstinence is ridiculously easy for me. And I was thinking–I wouldn’t live with my SO unmarried and alone with him, but living with other people is like dorm life. We have coed dorms so I’m used to living with boys. And even if we were tempted, there’s always the threat of someone walking in. That’s enough to scare any temptation right out of me.
That’s the way I did it……for a few months. We have been married 29 years.
yeah. kind of like test-driving a car. little things like cleanliness can make a huge difference, and lead to a divorce when people don’t try out living together first.
It would be irresponsible in my opinion to marry someone you haven’t lived with…you don’t truly know a person and their vices till you have to hear them snoring or burping, or even farting all night. It’s the little things that make the difference in the end
I had another thought: marriage should be an adventure and a new step. Living together before hand almost seems like it would take the mystery out of it. I guess I just kind of like mystery.
Another thought: there’s a lot of comments about “getting to know the person first”. Well, if you need to live with someone so you can “get to know them”, then you probably shouldn’t be getting married anyway! You should know a lot about a person before entering any kind of commited relationship, but you don’t have to live together to do that. It’s called “talking”.
Uh, I already did… in early 1991. And that guy and I just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary this past Spring. I guess we’re just odds-defying.
Well Dan I rell you it never works out……you shack up a few years get married and still hate each other………………..nope does not work …I should know I shacked up with this one girl for a couple years got married and 30 years later were still shacking up…………..
For me, to lose my independance and give up my own place, it would have to be a total commitment.
Sounds like a plan.
Seeing as how I can’t get married in most states, I wouldn’t have a choice, would I?
Seriously, I would definitely live with someone first. If you don’t, you have no idea if you’re really compatible as roommates.
i lived with my husband for 3 years before we were married. i wouldn’t do it any other way. it may not be right for all, but it’s what works for me.
No.
I wouldn’t marry them without living with them first…
They might not like me walking around naked all the time
Living together just makes economic sense; why should we both pay rent at two seperate places if we’re always together at one of the places? Take out the middle man!
I want the guy to know exactly what he’s getting in for and if that involves me at all hours of the day, so be it.
again, i will never cohabitate before marriage. i’ve seen it’s downfall and i dont want to get there. i just think it’s unhealthy.
It’s pretty much the logical thing to do isn’t it?
I don’t want to get married. So.. yes.
I don’t believe in moving in together before you’re married. In my opinion, if you move in before you’re married, then the only difference between actually getting married is a piece of paper. The whole beauty of getting married is to get the privilege of living with that person and seeing all their little quirks. It makes marriage more fun. I’ve known a lot of people that lived together for years, got married, and then when I asked them how it felt, they said,
“Like it always has. Nothing’s changed. We’re just legally married now.”
@KechiNeko244 - AMEN!!! Excellent point that you’ve made!
It worked out well for my brother Joe and his wife. They’ve been married for over 20 years now (I think it is 22 this year), and lived together for almost ten years before they got married. My husband and I lived together for four years before we got engaged.
You don’t REALLY know a man until his toothbrush is sitting next to yours. I didn’t want to marry a man I didn’t “really” now.
I will point out that, in both my brother’s case and mine, we knew moving in that the INTENTION to eventually marry was there. I would not do it otherwise.
I would neverrrr marry someone without living with them. How else do you know if you guys are going to click together with your living styles overwise?
@MidnightExotica - That didn’t happen with us. We didn’t think it would feel any different when we actually got engaged, but it DID feel different. And we don’t feel the same way about each other now as we did then; it’s a lot more intense, a lot deeper.
WAY more than a piece of paper.
But I’m lucky. I know it isn’t for everyone.
Hate to ruin the 69 comments about living together before marriage…but….
Yes I would. Absolutely.
@GrumpyBear54 - That is cute
@SamsPeeps - Oh, that’s good then. Yeah, I mean it’s not the same for everyone; there are always exceptions. I’m glad you two are so happy, though! When things work out even better than expected, then that’s always a good thing.
that’s the plan come spring after we graduate
@KechiNeko244 - LOL Talking to someone is not the same as living with someone! That’s like my girlfriend who said that, as far as getting to know one another, staying weekends at her boyfriend’s house was the same as me living with my then-boyfriend… uhhhh… no (they’re divorced now btw…turns out they were completely incompatible!).
I would. I think it makes practical sense.
But, as a family development major, I’ve learned several times over that there are many studies that prove there are definite negative reprecussions to living with different people before you’re married. However, if you live with JUST the person you are marrying (and never any other boyfriend or girlfriend before them), the divorce rate is comparable to that of the nation as a whole, and sometimes even lower.
i would. but my parents would freak. haha
@MidnightExotica - Yeah. I actually think it depends on the two folks involved…and honestly, if I did not think that we were headed toward matrimony, I don’t think I would have moved in with him… and, I don’t know, it as all corny “love at first sight” stuff LOL Still is.
Thanks for letting me be all wishy-washy!
@Shirlann - Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! That’s really cool!
Moving in with someone before marriage works for some people and doesn’t for others. Stephen and I plan to move in together before we get married because we have always been long distance so the idea is to live together (and share the cost of rent) to see if we can actually be together on a day-to-day basis, not just an every couple of weekend basis. We’d like to get married one day so this is just the next step towards making sure that its what we really want to do. I also think that because we have created a strong relationship the small quirks that come from living with someone can be worked out more easily that other people’s relationships that may not be as strong (my friend and bf moved in together very early on in the relationship bc it was an escape for my friend from her broken house yet the tend to argue about stupid things bc they moved in together at the same time they were still starting out as a couple, which doesn’t always work out). Anyway, my bf and I will see how it goes living together for about a year before we seriously think about marriage.
Lived with my first husband before we got married. i knew our relationship wud not have lasted. but we got married anyways and it died out in two years time.
now living with my boyfriend that WANTS to be married but I told him i see no point of marrying [again] if we just look at ourselves as married.
The only differences would be the government shit. i hate them. they bug into our married lives than they do if we are not married.
better off left alone.
No, I definitely would not dream of living with a man other than my husband.
This reminds me of a quotation from Jonathan Lindvall, “Don’t marry the one you love, love the one you marry.”
No. That’s what honest discussion is for.
You don’t really know someone until you live with them. You never know what might drive you nuts… I lived with my husband for a year and a half before we got married, and I think that was too short.
Kids definitely test your strength as a couple. For sure.
@fullmetalbunny - Honest discussion won’t reveal whether or not you can’t stand the way they brush their teeth, or how they snore or some such thing. Little things you might miss unless you lived with them…
you get to know a person for who they really are if you’re around them constantly. for better or for worse, right?
@WomanOfLight -
Amen to that! I would never live with a man before marrying him. It seems cheap and half-hearted. It seems that a lot of people think that living with someone first is the way to “play it safe.” After all, no one goes down on their knees and says, “Sweetheart, I love you very much, and I’ve been thinking… well… will you live with me?” Come on! I need a ring and a proper proposal. And if the guy I love is skittish about marriage, he should either get some courage or just forget being in a relationship with me.
My sister once said, “All dating relationships end. All of them. Either you break up, get married, or you die.”
@nicolexanna -
But if you really loved them, wouldn’t these little things not matter so much? Sorry, just asking…
i did live with him, with the understanding that we would be married. we married exactly one year to the day that we moved in together. we couldn’t be happier together.
Yep and I didn’t marry him after I got to know him. Saved myself a nasty divorce.
I would have to live with someone before marrying them, period. It’s just a statistic – any couple who wants to do things right will.
@WomanOfLight - “why would a man who has the benefit of you
living there freely giving him sex and other domestic benefits (cooking
et al) have any motivation to get off his ass and actually marry you?”
…because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you?
What kind of man would want to live in an arrangement like that other
than someone who is looking for a no-strings arrangement?”
A man who wants to find out whether you’re compatible, or a man who enjoys your company.
“No marriage =
one foot out the door at all times.”
Not for everyone!
I think living with the person first, for me, would decrease chance of divorce. When you live with someone you see how they really are; for example everyone thinks my roommate is nice and sweet, kinda shy. I thought so too.. until I moved in with her. She is INCREDIBLY bossy, a packrat to the max(SO. MUCH.SHIT.), and really inconsiderate(being really loud and turning the light on when I am sleeping and have to get up in 4 hours). I wouldn’t want a similar situation to happen when I get married. And if all goes as planned, I’ll be moving in with my boyfriend next year after he graduates college.
I read that article yesterday, and it seemed to me they were saying times have changed, and now it is more normal to cohabitate before marriage and that the “risk” of divorce isn’t really raised anymore. I don’t care what the stats say anyway – I’m not a “typical” person. ^_~
@BebstersBlog2 -”"Don’t marry the one you love, love the one you marry.”"
What the hell? That’s quite possibly the most senseless thing I’ve ever heard.
i’d definitely do it. you have to make sure you can stand living with each other.
I think it is a smart idea to live with someone at least a year before marrying them.
what if you discover you can’t stand being around them all the time? or they have annoying at-home habits?
it’s good to get to know someone as much as possible before making a commitment. so you can be sure you aren’t making a mistake.
<3
Well, seeing as I am incapable of getting married in the state in which I am currently living, that’s really the only option I would have.
I should move to Canada.
But I’d do it there, too.
i think it depends on the couple and how mature they are in their relationship.
personally, i think the farthest i would go is to give him my apartment key. i guess i’m old fashioned with the whole not before marriage thing
Living together prepared us for nothing. The change of level of commitment almost did us in, Thankfully a supernatural encounter saved my marriage.
Not so sure on this one. I do know couples were living together first then married and little under a year divorced happened.
@KechiNeko244 - I wouldn’t trade my sexual life before I got married for anything in the world…it was the experience and knowledge that I gained from my partners before that makes me a more well-rounded person now. Of course, I am not saying that this is for everyone but for me, it worked!
what were they thinking? Duh!
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Cohabitation is like the final test before marriage. If you can’t stand to live together without being married, how do you think you’ll manage after tying the knot?
nope! i did it once…i feel that papers really do have signifigance.
Sometimes it just makes sense. I’m moving in with my boyfriend in a week, and we’re EACH saving about 200 on our rent, and we’re going to have twice the amount of space. We got together 4 years ago, and I know he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, getting married is simply not an option right now. He can’t afford a ring, and he’s still in school, while I’m working on getting into law school. Marriage will have to wait til I graduate, which isn’t for another 4 years. To not live together for another 4 years is much more ridiculous than doing so.
Also, I’ve heard that the act of living together before marriage doesn’t CAUSE people to end their marriages in divorce. It just so happens that the people who are more likely to live together before marriage are those who are less religious, and more liberal… which means they’re more accepting of divorce if it’s not working. The conservative people who would never consider living together first, are also the same people who are much more against divorce, and would stay in a marriage even if it sucked.
Yea sure, why not?
I swear you asked almost this exact same question not too long ago.
To answer, I plan neither to “shack up” nor to get married. I guess hypothetically I might consider it. Maybe.
You have done this story or one very similiar before.
However Yes I have been there done that and have no plans to ever divorce. I think it should be the step before marriage. Doesn’t mean you have to sleep in the same bed but it will tell you if you are truly compatiable.
of course. you can never truly KNOW a person until you live with them.
Yeah, I have a problem with that. I want to wait till I get marry before I have sex so, living together might be a problem. But, I do understand living with someone will allow couples to see things they don’t normally see when they are outside of their home.
No, I think a couple should marry first, then move into their house together.
No, but that’s just me.
Living together first is a must.
c0mmentz:}
My husband and I lived together before we were married for about a month.
We both lived with my parents. My husband was working days and I was working nights so we only saw each other for a few minuets in the morning each day. I would not recommend that living situation to anyone.
My husband and I did live together for 6 months before we got married, but I already had a ring on my hand. I had lived with someone several years before that for about a year and he and I never had any intention of getting married to each other. I had a key to his apartment within the first month of us seeing each other. I decided after that incident that I wouldn’t live with someone again until I had a ring on my finger and that we were going to get married. The only reason I lived with my husband anyway was because it was more practical. Everyone believed us to be married anyway, so that was just fine by me.
114 comments and just 1 rec’d? that’s just wrong so +1 from me.
I think everything needs to be considered, so yes.
My boyfriend and I are moving in at the end of August.
I don’t really think living together before marriage needs to be a big deal. It works for some people and isn’t ok for others.
People need to do what works for them and quit trying to boss other people around
I would “NEVER” marry someone unless I had lived with them for at least a year. Marriage is a very important decision, much more important than a pair of shoes. I would never purchse a pair of shoes without trying them on first and walking in them for a while.
That doesn’t mean live with “whoever” happens to be your dating partner of the moment. But once you are engaged or at least considering it, I think it would be the wisest move.
Most married couples I know who lived together first have very strong marriages. The vast number of people I know who broke up after living together, were never seriously considering marriage in the first place. The living arrangement was more one of convenience than a serious step in committment.
Doing it now. In fact, we moved in together before getting engaged. You learn a lot about a person from being around them in the moments you wouldn’t share otherwise. Our relationship has become stronger than ever… and I think in some ways we try harder because we don’t have that piece of paper tying us together legally. We both understand that it’s not the same as marriage, but it has made us both more ready for the real deal.
oh man, I’d never marry someone without living with him first. It’s like test driving a car. You have to make sure there aren’t any horrible malfunctions that you just aren’t seeing.
Dan- I think you’re misrepresenting the article. it says that if you only cohabitate with one person then go on to marry them, your odds of divorce are actually lower. (although odds of divorce are higher if you cohabitate with someone before the person you marry.)
I’m happy to hear that cohabitating between a first and second marriage when no children are involved doesn’t raise the risk of divorce, since I really don’t ever want to get divorced again.
Basically, I think I made a mistake in not cohabitating with my first husband (although I’m not sure I would have married him, had I lived with him first- but at least that way I wouldn’t have had to get divorced), so I am currently living with my boyfriend b/c based on my experience, I think its a good idea to live with someone before getting engaged or married. I would encourage any children I someday have to do the same instead of pressuring them to get married too early.
i plan on it.
It is something my mother has advised me to do since I was probably sixteen. She was married and divorced before she met my dad. The guy turned out to be NOT a good person to be married to, for a variety of heinous reasons.. all of which could be hidden until they lived together. She says she wishes she had cohabitated first. She “lived in sin” with my dad, much to the dismay of my Catholic grandma, found out he was someone she could love and share a life with, and they have been happily married for 21 years.
She encourages me to live with my boyfriend if we are still together and if we are both ready next year. I will be 21, and we will have been dating for 4 years. And I fully agree.
Yes. My husband and I lived together 5+ years before getting married. I think the two biggest issues that bring divorce are children and the realities and attitudes toward money. My living-together episode began on my daughter’s 18th birthday, and she had moved out.
@MidnightExotica - That’s exactly how I feel. Marriage shouldn’t just be a legal piece of paper.
Well…I would not buy a house with them. I would not combine finances with them. I would not have children with them. Before we were married.
But I’d possibly live with them. If you’re already spending all of your free time together anyway, there isn’t much of a difference between living with them or not.
I would never do it for various reasons. But I doubt I’ll ever have to worry about it since dating and marriage are pipe dreams for me.
I did consider it but decided to wait until we were married. In my opinion, if your eyes are open, you’ll see something serious before you’re married. Anything beyond that is trivial nonsense that your commitment to one another – if you have it – will override.
Marriage is just a religious institution. The only reason I felt the need to get a piece of paper to tell me what I already knew was because of taxes and medical visitation rights. Just as a person with a college degree can still be a dumbass, a person with a marriage certificate can still be in a crummy relationship. So in my mind, people who are living together are “parnered” and people who are not are “not partnered”, no matter what their legal status.
Only if for completely practical reasons – distance, finances, child care/education -until the wedding can take place, but to tell you the truth, that’s no commitment, and why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
I think if you’re doing it just to find out if you can stand living with each other, then you need to get to know each a LOT better before you even consider something lifelong. There are other ways to get to know each other and spend more time together than moving in together.
I would live together before getting married. You learn a lot about people when you live together.
surely would. but could i marry someone without living with my self first? hmm probaby no.
i don’t see why one wouldn’t want to live with someone first before committing to it forever. thats like buying a house sight unseen. there’s a good chance you’ll hate the cabinets or the floors are too creaky…or that your dream home isn’t as dreamy as you thought..or that you really don’t like waking up to the same person every day.
I think it depends on how long you end up living with them before getting married. I know some friends who have been living together prior to marriage for so long that they don’t think getting married is any different.
yes. don’t want any “surprises” after marriage.
I think you should know as much as possible about someone before you get married. So definitely live together first.
@KechiNeko244 - But you can’t know all of the little things. Such as vices and what not, as others have mentioned. Your significant other may not be trying to hide things from you, but chances are there are little things that you could be unaware of, little things that may actually bother you if they surprised you a couple of weeks or months after your wedding.
I think you’re right, you probably just like the mystery. And really, while marriage is a huge step, it’s really just a way to officially share with the world you are “one.” To the government, your family, general society… it’s totally a formality, with benefits and extra responsibilities, of course. More importantly it’s accompanied by that super special extra word that assures you your man or woman has to stick by you forever: commitment.
Some people just prefer being surprised sooner than later, so they vote for moving in together first as the best option.
And regarding your first comment here: if living with someone pre-marriage means the only difference marriage would make is paperwork, then I’d say one might as well live with their significant other pre-marriage.
Paperwork shouldn’t write your commitment in stone. Love should. And so long as you two love and respect each other, and are mature enough, I think it’s fine to live with one another before it’s official after marriage.
Culture, customs, and generally the way one is raised depends on how people view this controversial topic… I for one wouldn’t mind doing it if he was down. But I know for a fact my parents and rest of family would not allow it! So bummer, but it’s fine. I can always visit his place from time to time anyway.
@AdiOpERsOcoM - But I think the person you love should always be willing to change. If they do ”little things” that bother you, then they should be willing to change habit if they love you. for instance: I am a major packrat. My husband is organized. I gave up saving every little thing after I got married, and I did it for him. He also gave up (most) of his computer-gaming habits after we got married and I moved in.
Besides, if you’re afraid that “little things” like where your SO puts his toothbrush or if he snores are going to ruin your relationship, then your relationship probably isn’t very stable to begin with.
T_T
I know I’m very naive about love, but I feel that if they can’t live together after marriage, then they simply weren’t cut out for each other.