no. but there is a difference between self defense and a fist fight or a beating.
If her brothers and male friends descend upon him to kick his ass for doing that to her, is it really their fault that they outnumber him?
…shit. i guess not. but…why does he have to take it that far? if she’s punching him, and he’s stronger, why can’t he just restrain her?
HA! Oh, Dan.
Edit- rethought that. It’s not his fault he’s stronger, BUT! It’s his fault he did it in the first place.
She’s sort-of at fault for inciting it, but it’s really his job to resist. If a woman wears a short skirt, is it really her fault she’s raped?
That’s still no reason to hit a woman, unless she’s wielding a deadly weapon. It’s not hard to grab someone’s wrist when they’re punching and pin it behind their back.
it’s called self-restraint.
just cause you can beat the crap out of her doesn’t mean you should.
and it doesn’t make you any more of a man.
just a loser who hits girls.
It’s still unacceptable.
Oooo… good question. Really, I don’t think anyone should be hitting anyone. But, we don’t live in a perfect society, so that’s not expected. Honestly, it’s both of their faults.
this reminded me of a terrible (but hilarious) joke….
what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing. she obviously doesn’t listen.
@alynn89 - you took those words right out of…my fingers?
She shouldn’t be hitting him and he shouldn’t be hitting her.
She shouldn’t be hitting. He shouldn’t either. Any man who hits a woman seriously needs some reeducation about how to treat women. But a woman shouldn’t be egging her man on, either.
I think that ..its none of my business
Eh, back when I was younger, I once threw something at my father and he smacked me into a wall. This happened a lot, actually. Thanks alcohol.
So I’d say yes. <__<
This is one of the biggest questions of domestic violence. Too many times, the woman does hit first. What then is the acceptable response for the man?
Not black eyes, that’s certain. But unfortunately, pretty much any response on his part can be interpreted as domestic violence- even just an attempt to restrain her so she won’t keep hitting him.
I’m so conflicted on this one.
In my house, the womenfolk arm themselves with saucepans when the shouting starts. Weaker sex? It’s like Ride of the Valkyrie if they get upset.
You know what domestic abuse is between two men, or two women? It’s called a fair fight. Legalize gay marriage?
He can defend himself but that is over board.
My sister in-law hit her boyfriend in the knee with a baseball bat. He just took the bat away from her and limped away. He never even touched her. You have to respect a man that can do that.
Plus he should have stopped. By the looks of these pictures the men kept pummeling the women.
i’m conflicted as to how i should respond. =/
It’s not his fault that a man is stronger than a woman. It is his fault if he goes too far. Anything beyond trying to subdue a woman and prevent her from harming anyone is inexcusable.
@static_song - That’s terrible. It’s fathers who act like that make me want to be the exact opposite once I have kids.
@sarahb_86 - Yes, why can’t we all just get along?
If she hits first then he has a right to use just enough force to stop her from hitting him, not a bit more though.
That is my opinion.
Domestic violence is a two way street. If problems are escalating to that degree and both parties actually want to stay together, someone should take the initiative to seek professional help.
It’s not right either way.
If the woman hits first, why should the man go that far? If he is stronger, he should use enough force to restrain her, and that is all. Those photos are scary…and unacceptable.
yes, there is something called self restraint
Yes he is stronger and she can not hurt him because of it. A man has no excuse for hitting a wife or girlfriend. No excuse even if she attacks him. She is no real threat to him, but he can kill her with only his hands
Any man who is strong enough to beat the crap out of a woman that badly can be a real man, take a few hits and walk away. Why would you remain within hitting distance of someone who is hitting you?
@MCTCanadian - ha, sorry. i’ll put them back if you’d like
its not his fault. BUT he should only hit once or till she stops attacking. I think women shouldnt take for granted being a woman…or think its ok to hit a man, even though he shouldnt hit back. But if she hits him and it hurts……I think its logical if he hits her back but only to disable her. After that, he should walk away.
I think the man should have enough respect to never hit his girl.
Yes, the reasons already mentioned. It’s one thing to defend yourself, it’s to go too far.
If he’s strong enough to do that much damage to her, he’s strong enough to be able to either restrain her or get away from her.
Unless she had a reasonable excuse as to why, she probably asked to get smacked back. BUT, to take it to the extreme and that far, regardless of the fact she hit him first or not, he still doesn’t have the right to BEAT her. Unless it’s self defense because she is threatening his life.
I’ve never agreed with hitting or fighting when it comes to expressing anger or negative feelings. What’s the point? I don’t like hurting people, and I certainly don’t like it when people hurt me.
No reason is a good enough reason to beat someone unless it’s life threatening or self defense from the same thing. And even then, hopefully only enough to free yourself and get away. Some people get carried away.
I guess..
That’s why a woman should marry a weak and scrawny man. Bleck.
There’s a difference between domestic abuse and a fistfight. Abuse is unprovoked beating for seemingly stupid reasons and then an apology so she stays with him. It’s about manipulation. If she hits him like in a fistfight, that’s not abuse.
As I think more about it, I can see where guys get screwed every which way when it comes to judging these situations. Still, if he really is stronger, he should have the ability to leave and be with a woman who doesn’t toss him around. A lot of other people seem to think the same.
@Powerpal2015 - That’s how I try to look at it. My friend went through something similar, and the thing we fear most is turning out like our parents, and I think we’re better for it… Though both of us are too scared to have kids just in case.
@darkoozeripple - As hack as that line is, you have a good point.
they just shouldnt be beating each other. period.
@Powerpal2015 - It’s not his fault that a man is stronger than a woman. It is his fault if he goes too far. Anything beyond trying to subdue a woman and prevent her from harming anyone is inexcusable
Yeah. Sounds about right.
What a loaded question……no fair, you’re making me think, Dan! LOL!
There is no defense for domestic abuse on either side. Violence in a relationship spells trouble right away. No matter who has done it and no matter the circumstance.
I used to work for the DA’s office in both the violent crime division and the misdomeanor division (where domestic violence usually categorized). Many women would call the police and then later recan’t what they said and said they would not testify against their husbands. It is a sad situation.
There is also mental abuse that can happen from both sides as well. What pain humans afflict upon one another. Especially those we say we love.
i believe that there is no possible way a woman can be as strong as a man so why cant he walk away?
just because the woman hits first doesn’t mean the man has to hit her back.
women are stronger than men: they are able to sit through menestrual craps and give birth. i’d like a man try to take those pains.
I don’t think it matters that she’s a woman or that their married – beating anyone that badly is barbaric. No, it’s not the winner of the fight’s fault that he is stronger – but it IS his fault he couldn’t control his anger. Self-defense and a vicious beatdown are two very different things.
If she hits first, equal quantities of strength are fair game in my book. But no more.
Are men and women really equal? I bet there are many situations where SHE is the bigger, more forceful, person.
Abuse is abuse. Defending oneself is not abuse. If she inflicts pain, and more is imminent, I don’t see why you wouldn’t do SOMETHING.
I think there is a disconnect between your question and the title and images leading up to it. They’re different issues.
i’d never hit a woman, but i’d shake the shit out of her
That’s an extremely loaded question, Dan.
i never hit first. and i never fight back. but i deserve every one i get. and i never make smartass comments at him anymore.
No, but he should try to restrain her from fighting not beat the crap out of her. There is no excuse for him to do that.
No, but it is his fault that he decided to beat the living shit out of her. Seriously, there’s no excuse for that, I don’t care who “hit first.”
If she hit him because he did something to deserve it, like a slap on the face for cheating on her, he should take it like a man and realize that if he doesn’t want her to hurt him again, he shouldn’t hurt her either.
If she hit him just because she’s a mean spirited girl and he had no way of seeing it coming… I guess I can understand a swing back out of initial surprise- but no more than that, and he’s more of a gentleman if he can refrain from even that, and yes- restrain her if necessary.
You’re really trolling for comments on this one…
Yes, it’s his fault if he lays so much as a finger on her. He needs to know how to walk out of the violent situation and let her emotions subside before engaging her again.
Believe me, I know what I’m talking about.
No use of force is excusable, unless you have to save someone’s life (your child’s, mostly– a man should be able to look past the physical pain and be a source of calm in the storm).
You have to live by the principles of Judo in these situations, like in the movie Redbelt: “There’s always an escape!” and “Who imposes the terms of the battle will impose the terms of the peace.” You always have to battle on your terms, and keep the higher ground.
On that note, check out these tips from Sophie Keller on how to “win” an argument:
TIP 1: You WIN if you ‘Lose the Battle to Win the War’. Chose your battles with your partner. Don’t pick them up on absolutely everything, you’ll grind them down and crush the feelings they have for you as they will stop feeling free around you. If it’s a really, really important battle to win or something really annoys you fine, but otherwise, with little things, just LET THEM GO! In the long term it will work to your benefit.
TIP 2: You WIN if you praise your partner for everything that they do that’s great and pass up any opportunity to criticize them. If you think their hair looks great, say it. If they did something to please you, make sure that they know you noticed it, they’ll want to keep doing great things for you, if they know you appreciate it.
TIP 3: You WIN if you say ‘SORRY’ when you’ve done something wrong and you say it quickly. Don’t make everything in to a drama. Don’t take hours to battle over the point and then say it. Remember, you’re losing the battle to win the war. Don’t waste precious time to love each other.
TIP 4: You WIN if you FORGIVE someone immediately when they say Sorry. Many people hold on to things for way too long, you must be able to move on quickly rather than let it get way out of proportion. Holding on to resentment can lead to physical illness!
TIP 5: You WIN if you’re partner is upset with you, and you realize it is very likely for a good reason. You must listen to their reasons for not being happy with you.
As you can see my tips for ‘winning’ are about both winning, not making the other person feel less than or inadequate in any way. If you want your relationship to last try to come to agreements as quickly as possible, so that you can look back on your life together with very few regrets.
@findingliberty - a man can’t restrain a woman without breaking the law (at least in California)– she can press charges just for him holding her back, especially if he holds her down.
He has every right to stop her from hitting him, or even forcibly remove her from wherever he is.
But since, in the scenario you’re describing, he has the power to do much more, he has the responsibility to exercise that power, you know, responsibly. And not hurt anybody with it.
I think it was Locke who talked about the government taking care of its citizens because it had power over them, and the powerful having a responsibility to care for the powerless? Something like that applies here as well. It’s a judgement call–where does protecting yourself end and hurting someone unnecessarily begin?
Of course, that assumes that the man is, in fact, more powerful than the woman. I’m not a particularly strong guy, and I’ve had girlfriends who were almost as strong as me, so I guess I can’t really understand the situation.
@happenstance8 - Once again, any man who restrains a woman or “forcibly removes her” runs the risk of arrest and 72 hrs. in jail (at least in California). Don’t do it! The police do not care about your “rights” in such a situation, if it gets to that point. If the man makes a habit of “stopping” her, it will likely get to that point. That’s the point where your life goes to complete sh**. Leave the situation, and if she can’t control herself, leave her. Do not engage.
In the words of Redbelt: “There’s always a way out. You just have to find it.” Get out. It’s the manliest thing you can do. It is the path of the gentleman and the master.
As in: “Look what you made me do”? Disgusting.
Actually it works like this…If emergency personal view 1 victim (hurt individual) the other goes to jail for 24 hours and pending Domestic Violence charge.
If emergency personal views both (man and wife or wife and wife or man and man) victims … Both go to prision for 24 hours and pend a Domestic Violence charge or multiple charges depending on the extent of the incident
VERY SIMPLE A man …A real man walks away or calls authorities. Individuals, educated individuals know how to solve issues corresponding to marriage, children, etc … right? So why hit?
Self defense should only be used in fear of possibly bodily harm such as Castle Doctrine (Able to use your firearm within your home and or vehicle in defense when feared your your life or bodily injury). Example: She hits me or comes at me with a knife, hammer, chain, gun, etc … Yes!!! I will defend myself by every means necessary and the same should go for a woman.. I mean HEY it works both ways!
Now adays woman are becoming and are extremely independent and women are encouraged to take martial arts , earn how to fire a firearm and every learn defense tactics…keyword DEFENSE
[ I taught my wife how to engage in self defense (grab, punch, kick, grapple, disarm, hurt, disorient, even shoot and stab ]
It’s also psychology…I mean ladies I’m sure you’d agree that the majority of women of all races always think ‘I can change him’ and ‘hejust hit me once b/c I ticked him off’ … NO you should not put upwith ABUSE that goes for men and for women. Abuse is abuse ….Defense is Defense
Note: WOMEN … you can not always change a man MEN you can not always change a women … Abuse is abuse.
If you are a victim of abuse please contact 911 today before it gets worst.
It’s not really about principle and who hit first — it’s all about the reality and the effect of a girls punch on a guy and vice versa that our laws and expectations of domestic abuse come from. The girl is “wrong” for slapping me, but I’d be hauled off to jail for slapping her. I think the law is on the girl’s side for this one.
” He has every right to stop her from hitting him, or even forcibly remove her from wherever he is.”
Forcibly removing an individual from property, from your personal surroundings… Is Assault and you will be charged for Domestic Violence, Battery and/or assault.
Restraint is not legal…unless used within self defense. The keyword is SELF DEFENSE remove the threat from your personal space by defending yourself to defuse the threat
So the question is: “If she hits first, is it really the man’s fault that he is stronger?”
If she hits first and he does nothing … It’s assult.
Strength is not an issue in this situation only if he does hit her back… Both will be charged with assault but the basic principle of life … A guy who hits a woman is not a man.
I think this question can be better asked!
Where did my comment go !!! ???
i would just call the police and then divorce her and then take half!!!!! it’s about time we let the law handle these UNruly women. send them to jail and let them rot!!!
Unless it’s to save your life, a man should never hit a woman, not for any reason.
Are you serious?
Even if a man and woman are the same size. the man is still twice as strong as a woman.
Violence against women makes women hate men, and men hate themselves.
It’s a pointless and destructive cycle.
I really hope you’re not being serious.
It is always the woman’s fault. The man is always right. This topic is redundant.
Move on.
No it should not matter who hit first. No man OR woman has the right to hit another out of anger. I went through this and I never hit first or hit back. I didn’t want to get hurt more and I would have rather he be man enough to walk away. Most times i did nothing to be hit. Sometimes I wore the wrong color shirt so I guess I had it coming. I didn’t wise up until he tried to kill me.
Some people aren’t lucky enough to wise up in time. I have known many women to be more abusive then a lot of men.
Yes. He could make her stop but not hit back. It’s a bit like with children. When a child hits me I won’t beat him/her up like crazy just because he/she started.
Two options, a man can either restrain her as gently as possible (even if that means squeezing her arms to her sides while trying to keep your face from being head-butted or bitten and your feet from being stomped as well as your testicles from being kicked/kneed) or, and preferably, walking away.
A cowardly piece of shit has a third option, which involves hitting back, but then those guys should get kicked in the face ’til they shit out their teeth.
If any of you ever want your kids to hate the shit out of you, just beat up their mother in front of them. It’ll leave a lasting impression.
EDIT: I’ve been in situations where walking away was actually worse than what transpired in the parenthetical. Those are girls you ought to avoid.
Oh, Dan. What a horrible horrible question to ask.
It is not his fault he is stronger, but it is his duty to control himself and not cause harm. He’s stronger, that means it’s easier for him to restrain her to keep her from hurting him, in a way that doesn’t hurt her, either.
Damn these bitches got fucked up!!! jp, nah I think its wrong in 90% of situations to hit a female, unless your some how in grave danger. But I think it’s bullshit when girls hit guys, because they think they can get away with it. Soo yeahh…
Fuck you! How could you even ask that?
No woman on the planet should take the blame if she is beat or abused by a man! Self-defense is self-defense, even if it is the first punch!
@j_flo_in_TX - great reply. couldn’t say it better myself
@JimiRy - I like how you commented elusively, I like that I found your comment sifting through nearly a hundred comments.
Wait! Dan, have you posted this blog before? I just had some serious dejavu as in, I’ve for definitely read this before……
There is no reason to hit ANYONE. There are far less men out there who are abused, but it happens.
I’ve never been in a screaming argument before. I’ve thought about it though, what if?
I think if I got hit I would probably just hit back once, in a really painful disabling area and that would be it. I would have to be hit very hard to respond like that and in a lot of pain as well.
If a woman screams stop or falls down or is bleeding then the fight is pretty much over. Then it’s just a psycho beating a screaming woman.
A guy should know when to restrain himself. Yes, technically she DID hit first, but it’s still wrong…
Guys who hit girls should have five women who are PMSing beat the crap out of him with bamboo sticks.
@eclipse_the_dawn - I agree. It is certainly a rare accasion that a man has got to actually “hit” back.
I broke up a few fights in my day, not by hitting, but by grabbing wrists and pinning arms, with their faces in the floor.
I was threatened to be beat up a few times for this… but nothing ever came of it.
I say throwing the first punch makes you fair game.
Dan- lately you have become a total asshole. I dont know if I can even respond to some of your questions. Between this one and the last one about the fake bill, you are really asking some stupid questions that promote both hate towards women and a historical candidate.
I dont know Dan. The quality of your blog has changed. Dont come off as a douche.
As the others have said, there is a difference between defending yourself and beating a woman.
My mother was very physically abusive, I watched her beat the crap out her boyfriend/s on several occasions. They would just go at it, makes it hard to mature normally. Heh, what’s normal? She really asked for it several times, but still, neither of them should have been hitting at all. Anger management please?
I hate your sarcastic posts; this is a real issue Dan. Thanks for bringing it to light. I wear my purple ribbon!!
When a man hits a woman, it’s not a question of strength – it’s a matter of his weakness.
I think it’s wrong for anybody to physically abuse another. Sometimes women are stronger.
I read in Ann Landers advice column once that more than half the time, women throw the first blow and more often use serious artillery, like an iron skillet. Does that justify the man beating her up? Of course not. It just means they are both very, very sick people.
When I was a kid the woman across the street had a male visitor. Apparently the evening had not gone well, but when he tried to leave he realized he had a flat tire. All night long he tried to change the tire while fending off blows from the drunk woman. Mom heard the whole thing from her bedroom window and watched some of it as well. All she saw him do was defensive maneuvers, to keep her from hurting him. She was cussing him out the whole time.He kept saying, “Just let me change my tire so I can leave!”
When the cops finally arrived, the damsel in distress burst into tears and said, “He hit me!” and they put the poor guy into handcuffs.
“That’s it,” Mom said. She got up, went outside and told the cops the real story.
This is unexceptable behavior. Neither party should be getting physical especially men who are physically stronger.
Turn it around: if he’s married to a pro-female wrestler and she hits him, is that abuse? Of course. It’s not a question of strength, but of intent and action. If the woman hits her husband first–clearly not a case of self-defense–then it is abuse and his response is also abuse. They’re both equally wrong.
@ELBOWpasta - Good point. Just because he’s stronger doesn’t mean he has to fight back, or fight back to the point where he’s hurting her.
Evasive action is easy to do, especially when you’re bigger, stronger, and faster.
I seriously thought this was a joke. But I’m reading some serious comments so maybe I should rethink what I find funny….
I don’t know that I like this question. Domestic Abuse is so much more than who hit whom. It’s not anger management. It’s not about physical power. So in reality, who hit whom really isn’t so much the issue as is why it happened.
I think this is sort of a dumb question. So if you are a man, you think it is OK to hit a woman? Not much of a man. I am probably biased as I am a recovering battered woman but there you have it.
I have ALWAYS believed that if you are man enough to hit a man, you are man enough to take it back. If I punch my husband, then I believe that he has every right to hit me back. No, he doesn’t have the right to knock me out, but he does have the right to hit me back. However, this would never happen in my house because 1) I have enough respect for my husband to never hit him. 2) He would never hit me. 3) He never gives me reason to hit him.
If a child or even adolescent is hitting you, you don’t beat the shit out of them. You could never claim in your defense that it’s not your fault that you’re stronger.
However, most females have gotten used to being able to physically hurt guys and not expect retaliation, which is also an issue.
Women shouldn’t hit either, but there is never, ever, ever an excuse for a man to hit a woman. I already tell my boys this. . .totally unacceptable to hit a girl.
guys hitting girls is never acceptible.
In my case, all dogs get a bite.After that, if they try it again, they are going down, and I’m going out the door. I’m not the type to fall for the”aw baby, it was an accident” stuff. It only gets worse if you allow someone to get away with hitting you. Women( or men) who stay in a relationship with an abuser are fools
No, but he should defend himself instead of hitting back if he is, indeed, stronger. If you are capable of defending yourself vs attacking back, you should take the former and reserve the latter for an extreme circumstance..
If she hists first then it’s self defense to stop her from hurting him. But what I see in the pics above is quite clearly NOT selfdefense.
Not her fault.
If he’s strong enough to do that, he’s strong enough to restrain her.
She obviously lacks self-discipline; however, that is still no excuse for a man to hit a woman. Rather than stoop down to her level, he should have the self-discipline to walk away.
If you need to defend yourself, hit back. If you can just walk away and be fine, walk away.
When someone abuses you, the right thing to do is leave them, not become the abuser.
Wow. Men shouldn’t hit women. The end.
My parents taughts us to keep our hands to ourselves.
Depending on the situation,
Both are at fault.
She’s at fault for thinking that violence solves a domestic dispute.
He’s at fault for joining her in primitive problem solving.
The key is avoiding both those mistakes. Once two people make those mistakes, the chips usual fall in the mans favor physically.
If people articulated their point of views while remaining reasonable, there’d be no need for this question.
However, I think all will agree there’s an exception to every rule..
if she hits first, and he hits back, then they’re both at fault.
I think if she (or he, or anyone) hits first, then you have the right to hit back, or restrain them, but not to the point where you’re causing that much physical damage. It’s a question of restraint, I guess. I don’t know, it’s complex!
Restraint is ok, abuse is not.
where did my comment go?
women should not hit men, men should not it women. It’s both their faults.
Gees, those pics remind me of how my mom looked from ’01 to ’06
It depends, I suppose on how hard she hits him….if she walks up behind him and pats him gently on the shoulder and he starts beating her, saying that she hit him first….whose fault would you call that???
I would call him a trigger happy, irrational sonofabitch. Excuse my French.
Just because she hit first doesn’t mean that he has the right to beat the shit out of him. No, she shouldn’t have hit him for no reason. But consider this: The couple is in a verbal argument. He starts walking toward her like he’s going to do something so she swings and hits him. Whether or not this happened, I don’t know. This does, in my opinion, seem to be the case when it comes to domestic violence. It also needs to be considered what injuries each party sustained. One has little to no injury and the other happens to look like the woman in the picture. Who do you think lost control and is more at fault? I’d also like to add that the same applies to men. Just because the man first puts his hand on the woman doesn’t mean that she gets to beat the shit out of him either.
I am against any form of spousal abuse. They should just get a divorce.
yeah, i mean, why is the wife punching the husband? did he give her reason to be punched?
what did the guy do to make the woman hit him in the first place?
Most men who abuse their women in *cough* self defense were hurting them first.
Plus I’m not afraid to beat a man with a golf club if he cheats on me or tries to hurt me.
Guess it just depends.
I hope the man would know he’d be nothing more than a coward for the rest of his life the minute he hit her though…
I agree with Mr. Colorful. My current boyfriend’s ex was physically abusive but somehow she turned it around and called the police and made it look as if HE had been hitting HER. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse, no matter who’s doing the hitting or insulting.
Well, if he’s stronger, he should just restrain her, instead of hitting her back.
@runaheadofme - Well, I’m not really talking about what he should do, or what he legally can do…
I’m just the mandated reporter who has seen many people get locked up for doing what they thought was right, or acceptable, that’s all. But, y’know, follow your gut. I’m sure everyone will understand. When something bad happens, just press that little “rewind” button and we’ll all pretend it never did.
Don’t believe everything you think. Look closely at the world and how it works.
@happenstance8 - Disclaimer: I don’t think any of this stuff has anything to do with you personally, I’m sure you’re a pretty peaceful person. It’s not a personal attack. I’m just being very firm about a completely hands-off, non-violent approach to domestic problems because of the way I’ve seen families and relationships fall apart because of this stuff.
I’ve been working with families in Oakland for 7 years. I’ve seen CPS and social workers and the police come into many a situation. Those people were good people, too, and some of them hit their children with a belt, or hit each other, or held their woman down to keep her from hurting her child. One child got ripped out of his mother’s arms by his father and thrown into another room. The mom got stabbed, the grandmother got knocked down and hurt. But in the end, the grandmother and the father got locked up, because the grandmother went off on the man with some unmentionable weaponry and they didn’t cut her any slack– even though she was old and he had attacked all three of them. The grandmother got out quicker and the father was locked up for much longer, but you can see from that story that even if it’s self-defense in your eyes, or acceptable, the law may see it differently.
God forbid any of you end up in those situations, but I want to alert everyone to get out. Do not get involved. Escape. End of rant.
Agreed word for word with mrcolorful: “If she hits first then he has a right to use just enough force to stop her from hitting him, not a bit more though.”
Comments (134)
no. but there is a difference between self defense and a fist fight or a beating.
If her brothers and male friends descend upon him to kick his ass for doing that to her, is it really their fault that they outnumber him?
…shit.
i guess not. but…why does he have to take it that far?
if she’s punching him, and he’s stronger, why can’t he just restrain her?
HA!
Oh, Dan.
Edit- rethought that. It’s not his fault he’s stronger, BUT! It’s his fault he did it in the first place.
She’s sort-of at fault for inciting it, but it’s really his job to resist. If a woman wears a short skirt, is it really her fault she’s raped?
That’s still no reason to hit a woman, unless she’s wielding a deadly weapon. It’s not hard to grab someone’s wrist when they’re punching and pin it behind their back.
it’s called self-restraint.
just cause you can beat the crap out of her doesn’t mean you should.
and it doesn’t make you any more of a man.
just a loser who hits girls.
It’s still unacceptable.
Oooo… good question. Really, I don’t think anyone should be hitting anyone. But, we don’t live in a perfect society, so that’s not expected. Honestly, it’s both of their faults.
this reminded me of a terrible (but hilarious) joke….
what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
nothing. she obviously doesn’t listen.
hahaha
@j_flo_in_TX - Best answer so far!
@alynn89 - you took those words right out of…my fingers?
She shouldn’t be hitting him and he shouldn’t be hitting her.
She shouldn’t be hitting. He shouldn’t either. Any man who hits a woman seriously needs some reeducation about how to treat women. But a woman shouldn’t be egging her man on, either.
I think that ..its none of my business
Eh, back when I was younger, I once threw something at my father and he smacked me into a wall. This happened a lot, actually. Thanks alcohol.
So I’d say yes. <__<
This is one of the biggest questions of domestic violence. Too many times, the woman does hit first. What then is the acceptable response for the man?
Not black eyes, that’s certain. But unfortunately, pretty much any response on his part can be interpreted as domestic violence- even just an attempt to restrain her so she won’t keep hitting him.
I’m so conflicted on this one.
In my house, the womenfolk arm themselves with saucepans when the shouting starts. Weaker sex? It’s like Ride of the Valkyrie if they get upset.
@eclipse_the_dawn - a woman IS a deadly weapon.
You know what domestic abuse is between two men, or two women? It’s called a fair fight. Legalize gay marriage?
He can defend himself but that is over board.
My sister in-law hit her boyfriend in the knee with a baseball bat. He just took the bat away from her and limped away. He never even touched her. You have to respect a man that can do that.
@ELBOWpasta - Agreed.
Plus he should have stopped. By the looks of these pictures the men kept pummeling the women.
i’m conflicted as to how i should respond. =/
It’s not his fault that a man is stronger than a woman. It is his fault if he goes too far. Anything beyond trying to subdue a woman and prevent her from harming anyone is inexcusable.
@static_song - That’s terrible. It’s fathers who act like that make me want to be the exact opposite once I have kids.
@sarahb_86 - Yes, why can’t we all just get along?
If she hits first then he has a right to use just enough force to stop her from hitting him, not a bit more though.
That is my opinion.
Domestic violence is a two way street. If problems are escalating to that degree and both parties actually want to stay together, someone should take the initiative to seek professional help.
It’s not right either way.
If the woman hits first, why should the man go that far? If he is stronger, he should use enough force to restrain her, and that is all. Those photos are scary…and unacceptable.
yes, there is something called self restraint
Yes he is stronger and she can not hurt him because of it. A man has no excuse for hitting a wife or girlfriend. No excuse even if she attacks him. She is no real threat to him, but he can kill her with only his hands
Any man who is strong enough to beat the crap out of a woman that badly can be a real man, take a few hits and walk away. Why would you remain within hitting distance of someone who is hitting you?
@MCTCanadian - ha, sorry. i’ll put them back if you’d like
its not his fault. BUT he should only hit once or till she stops attacking. I think women shouldnt take for granted being a woman…or think its ok to hit a man, even though he shouldnt hit back. But if she hits him and it hurts……I think its logical if he hits her back but only to disable her. After that, he should walk away.
I think the man should have enough respect to never hit his girl.
Yes, the reasons already mentioned. It’s one thing to defend yourself, it’s to go too far.
If he’s strong enough to do that much damage to her, he’s strong enough to be able to either restrain her or get away from her.
Unless she had a reasonable excuse as to why, she probably asked to get smacked back. BUT, to take it to the extreme and that far, regardless of the fact she hit him first or not, he still doesn’t have the right to BEAT her. Unless it’s self defense because she is threatening his life.
I’ve never agreed with hitting or fighting when it comes to expressing anger or negative feelings. What’s the point? I don’t like hurting people, and I certainly don’t like it when people hurt me.
No reason is a good enough reason to beat someone unless it’s life threatening or self defense from the same thing. And even then, hopefully only enough to free yourself and get away. Some people get carried away.
I guess..
That’s why a woman should marry a weak and scrawny man. Bleck.
There’s a difference between domestic abuse and a fistfight. Abuse is unprovoked beating for seemingly stupid reasons and then an apology so she stays with him. It’s about manipulation. If she hits him like in a fistfight, that’s not abuse.
As I think more about it, I can see where guys get screwed every which way when it comes to judging these situations. Still, if he really is stronger, he should have the ability to leave and be with a woman who doesn’t toss him around. A lot of other people seem to think the same.
@Powerpal2015 - That’s how I try to look at it. My friend went through something similar, and the thing we fear most is turning out like our parents, and I think we’re better for it… Though both of us are too scared to have kids just in case.
@darkoozeripple - As hack as that line is, you have a good point.
they just shouldnt be beating each other. period.
@Powerpal2015 - It’s not his fault that a man is stronger than a woman. It is his fault if he goes too far. Anything beyond trying to subdue a woman and prevent her from harming anyone is inexcusable
Yeah. Sounds about right.
What a loaded question……no fair, you’re making me think, Dan!
LOL!
There is no defense for domestic abuse on either side. Violence in a relationship spells trouble right away. No matter who has done it and no matter the circumstance.
I used to work for the DA’s office in both the violent crime division and the misdomeanor division (where domestic violence usually categorized). Many women would call the police and then later recan’t what they said and said they would not testify against their husbands. It is a sad situation.
There is also mental abuse that can happen from both sides as well. What pain humans afflict upon one another. Especially those we say we love.
i believe that there is no possible way a woman can be as strong as a man so why cant he walk away?
just because the woman hits first doesn’t mean the man has to hit her back.
women are stronger than men: they are able to sit through menestrual craps and give birth. i’d like a man try to take those pains.
I don’t think it matters that she’s a woman or that their married – beating anyone that badly is barbaric. No, it’s not the winner of the fight’s fault that he is stronger – but it IS his fault he couldn’t control his anger. Self-defense and a vicious beatdown are two very different things.
If she hits first, equal quantities of strength are fair game in my book. But no more.
Are men and women really equal? I bet there are many situations where SHE is the bigger, more forceful, person.
Abuse is abuse. Defending oneself is not abuse. If she inflicts pain, and more is imminent, I don’t see why you wouldn’t do SOMETHING.
I think there is a disconnect between your question and the title and images leading up to it. They’re different issues.
i’d never hit a woman, but i’d shake the shit out of her
That’s an extremely loaded question, Dan.
i never hit first. and i never fight back. but i deserve every one i get. and i never make smartass comments at him anymore.
No, but he should try to restrain her from fighting not beat the crap out of her. There is no excuse for him to do that.
No, but it is his fault that he decided to beat the living shit out of her. Seriously, there’s no excuse for that, I don’t care who “hit first.”
If she hit him because he did something to deserve it, like a slap on the face for cheating on her, he should take it like a man and realize that if he doesn’t want her to hurt him again, he shouldn’t hurt her either.
If she hit him just because she’s a mean spirited girl and he had no way of seeing it coming… I guess I can understand a swing back out of initial surprise- but no more than that, and he’s more of a gentleman if he can refrain from even that, and yes- restrain her if necessary.
You’re really trolling for comments on this one…
Yes, it’s his fault if he lays so much as a finger on her. He needs to know how to walk out of the violent situation and let her emotions subside before engaging her again.
Believe me, I know what I’m talking about.
No use of force is excusable, unless you have to save someone’s life (your child’s, mostly– a man should be able to look past the physical pain and be a source of calm in the storm).
You have to live by the principles of Judo in these situations, like in the movie Redbelt: “There’s always an escape!” and “Who imposes the terms of the battle will impose the terms of the peace.” You always have to battle on your terms, and keep the higher ground.
On that note, check out these tips from Sophie Keller on how to “win” an argument:
TIP 1: You WIN if you ‘Lose the Battle to Win the War’. Chose your battles with your partner. Don’t
pick them up on absolutely everything, you’ll grind them down and crush the feelings they have for you
as they will stop feeling free around you. If it’s a really, really important battle to win or something
really annoys you fine, but otherwise, with little things, just LET THEM GO! In the long term it will
work to your benefit.
TIP 2: You WIN if you praise your partner for everything that they do that’s great and pass up any
opportunity to criticize them. If you think their hair looks great, say it. If they did something to please
you, make sure that they know you noticed it, they’ll want to keep doing great things for you, if they
know you appreciate it.
TIP 3: You WIN if you say ‘SORRY’ when you’ve done something wrong and you say it quickly. Don’t
make everything in to a drama. Don’t take hours to battle over the point and then say it. Remember,
you’re losing the battle to win the war. Don’t waste precious time to love each other.
TIP 4: You WIN if you FORGIVE someone immediately when they say Sorry. Many people hold on to
things for way too long, you must be able to move on quickly rather than let it get way out of
proportion. Holding on to resentment can lead to physical illness!
TIP 5: You WIN if you’re partner is upset with you, and you realize it is very likely for a good reason.
You must listen to their reasons for not being happy with you.
As you can see my tips for ‘winning’ are about both winning, not making the other person feel less than
or inadequate in any way. If you want your relationship to last try to come to agreements as quickly as
possible, so that you can look back on your life together with very few regrets.
@findingliberty - a man can’t restrain a woman without breaking the law (at least in California)– she can press charges just for him holding her back, especially if he holds her down.
He has every right to stop her from hitting him, or even forcibly remove her from wherever he is.
But since, in the scenario you’re describing, he has the power to do much more, he has the responsibility to exercise that power, you know, responsibly. And not hurt anybody with it.
I think it was Locke who talked about the government taking care of its citizens because it had power over them, and the powerful having a responsibility to care for the powerless? Something like that applies here as well. It’s a judgement call–where does protecting yourself end and hurting someone unnecessarily begin?
Of course, that assumes that the man is, in fact, more powerful than the woman. I’m not a particularly strong guy, and I’ve had girlfriends who were almost as strong as me, so I guess I can’t really understand the situation.
@happenstance8 - Once again, any man who restrains a woman or “forcibly removes her” runs the risk of arrest and 72 hrs. in jail (at least in California). Don’t do it! The police do not care about your “rights” in such a situation, if it gets to that point. If the man makes a habit of “stopping” her, it will likely get to that point. That’s the point where your life goes to complete sh**. Leave the situation, and if she can’t control herself, leave her. Do not engage.
In the words of Redbelt: “There’s always a way out. You just have to find it.” Get out. It’s the manliest thing you can do. It is the path of the gentleman and the master.
As in: “Look what you made me do”? Disgusting.
Actually it works like this…If emergency personal view 1 victim (hurt individual) the other goes to jail for 24 hours and pending Domestic Violence charge.
If emergency personal views both (man and wife or wife and wife or man and man) victims … Both go to prision for 24 hours and pend a Domestic Violence charge or multiple charges depending on the extent of the incident
VERY SIMPLE
A man …A real man walks away or calls authorities. Individuals, educated individuals know how to solve issues corresponding to marriage, children, etc … right? So why hit?
Self defense should only be used in fear of possibly bodily harm such as Castle Doctrine (Able to use your firearm within your home and or vehicle in defense when feared your your life or bodily injury). Example: She hits me or comes at me with a knife, hammer, chain, gun, etc … Yes!!! I will defend myself by every means necessary and the same should go for a woman.. I mean HEY it works both ways!
Now adays woman are becoming and are extremely independent and women are encouraged to take martial arts , earn how to fire a firearm and every learn defense tactics…keyword DEFENSE
[ I taught my wife how to engage in self defense (grab, punch, kick, grapple, disarm, hurt, disorient, even shoot and stab ]
It’s also psychology…I mean ladies I’m sure you’d agree that the majority of women of all races always think ‘I can change him’ and ‘hejust hit me once b/c I ticked him off’ … NO you should not put upwith ABUSE that goes for men and for women. Abuse is abuse ….Defense is Defense
Note: WOMEN … you can not always change a man MEN you can not always change a women … Abuse is abuse.
If you are a victim of abuse please contact 911 today before it gets worst.
http://www.brokenspirits.com/information/forms_of_abuse.asp
It’s not really about principle and who hit first — it’s all about the reality and the effect of a girls punch on a guy and vice versa that our laws and expectations of domestic abuse come from. The girl is “wrong” for slapping me, but I’d be hauled off to jail for slapping her. I think the law is on the girl’s side for this one.
Responding to runaheadofme
” He has every right to stop her from hitting him, or even forcibly remove her from wherever he is.”
Forcibly removing an individual from property, from your personal surroundings… Is Assault and you will be charged for Domestic Violence, Battery and/or assault.
Restraint is not legal…unless used within self defense. The keyword is SELF DEFENSE remove the threat from your personal space by defending yourself to defuse the threat
So the question is: “If she hits first, is it really the man’s fault that he is stronger?”
If she hits first and he does nothing … It’s assult.
Strength is not an issue in this situation only if he does hit her back… Both will be charged with assault but the basic principle of life … A guy who hits a woman is not a man.
I think this question can be better asked!
Where did my comment go !!! ???
i would just call the police and then divorce her and then take half!!!!!
it’s about time we let the law handle these UNruly women.
send them to jail and let them rot!!!
Unless it’s to save your life, a man should never hit a woman, not for any reason.
Are you serious?
Even if a man and woman are the same size. the man is still twice as strong as a woman.
Violence against women makes women hate men, and men hate themselves.
It’s a pointless and destructive cycle.
I really hope you’re not being serious.
It is always the woman’s fault. The man is always right. This topic is redundant.
Move on.
No it should not matter who hit first. No man OR woman has the right to hit another out of anger. I went through this and I never hit first or hit back. I didn’t want to get hurt more and I would have rather he be man enough to walk away. Most times i did nothing to be hit. Sometimes I wore the wrong color shirt so I guess I had it coming. I didn’t wise up until he tried to kill me.
Some people aren’t lucky enough to wise up in time. I have known many women to be more abusive then a lot of men.
Yes. He could make her stop but not hit back. It’s a bit like with children. When a child hits me I won’t beat him/her up like crazy just because he/she started.
Two options, a man can either restrain her as gently as possible (even if that means squeezing her arms to her sides while trying to keep your face from being head-butted or bitten and your feet from being stomped as well as your testicles from being kicked/kneed) or, and preferably, walking away.
A cowardly piece of shit has a third option, which involves hitting back, but then those guys should get kicked in the face ’til they shit out their teeth.
If any of you ever want your kids to hate the shit out of you, just beat up their mother in front of them. It’ll leave a lasting impression.
EDIT: I’ve been in situations where walking away was actually worse than what transpired in the parenthetical. Those are girls you ought to avoid.
Oh, Dan. What a horrible horrible question to ask.
It is not his fault he is stronger, but it is his duty to control himself and not cause harm. He’s stronger, that means it’s easier for him to restrain her to keep her from hurting him, in a way that doesn’t hurt her, either.
Damn these bitches got fucked up!!! jp, nah I think its wrong in 90% of situations to hit a female, unless your some how in grave danger. But I think it’s bullshit when girls hit guys, because they think they can get away with it. Soo yeahh…
Fuck you! How could you even ask that?
No woman on the planet should take the blame if she is beat or abused by a man! Self-defense is self-defense, even if it is the first punch!
@j_flo_in_TX - great reply. couldn’t say it better myself
@JimiRy - I like how you commented elusively, I like that I found your comment sifting through nearly a hundred comments.
Wait! Dan, have you posted this blog before? I just had some serious dejavu as in, I’ve for definitely read this before……
There is no reason to hit ANYONE. There are far less men out there who are abused, but it happens.
I’ve never been in a screaming argument before. I’ve thought about it though, what if?
I think if I got hit I would probably just hit back once, in a really painful disabling area and that would be it. I would have to be hit very hard to respond like that and in a lot of pain as well.
If a woman screams stop or falls down or is bleeding then the fight is pretty much over. Then it’s just a psycho beating a screaming woman.
A guy should know when to restrain himself. Yes, technically she DID hit first, but it’s still wrong…
Guys who hit girls should have five women who are PMSing beat the crap out of him with bamboo sticks.
@eclipse_the_dawn - I agree. It is certainly a rare accasion that a man has got to actually “hit” back.
I broke up a few fights in my day, not by hitting, but by grabbing wrists and pinning arms, with their faces in the floor.
I was threatened to be beat up a few times for this… but nothing ever came of it.
@ELBOWpasta - Well said.
I say throwing the first punch makes you fair game.
Dan- lately you have become a total asshole. I dont know if I can even respond to some of your questions. Between this one and the last one about the fake bill, you are really asking some stupid questions that promote both hate towards women and a historical candidate.
I dont know Dan. The quality of your blog has changed. Dont come off as a douche.
@j_flo_in_TX - I like that answer.
As the others have said, there is a difference between defending yourself and beating a woman.
My mother was very physically abusive, I watched her beat the crap out her boyfriend/s on several occasions. They would just go at it, makes it hard to mature normally. Heh, what’s normal? She really asked for it several times, but still, neither of them should have been hitting at all. Anger management please?
I hate your sarcastic posts; this is a real issue Dan.
Thanks for bringing it to light. I wear my purple ribbon!!
@alynn89 - I agree.
Neither person should be hitting.
When a man hits a woman, it’s not a question of strength – it’s a matter of his weakness.
I think it’s wrong for anybody to physically abuse another. Sometimes women are stronger.
I read in Ann Landers advice column once that more than half the time, women throw the first blow and more often use serious artillery, like an iron skillet.
Does that justify the man beating her up? Of course not. It just means they are both very, very sick people.
When I was a kid the woman across the street had a male visitor. Apparently the evening had not gone well, but when he tried to leave he realized he had a flat tire. All night long he tried to change the tire while fending off blows from the drunk woman. Mom heard the whole thing from her bedroom window and watched some of it as well. All she saw him do was defensive maneuvers, to keep her from hurting him. She was cussing him out the whole time.He kept saying, “Just let me change my tire so I can leave!”
When the cops finally arrived, the damsel in distress burst into tears and said, “He hit me!” and they put the poor guy into handcuffs.
“That’s it,” Mom said. She got up, went outside and told the cops the real story.
This is unexceptable behavior. Neither party should be getting physical especially men who are physically stronger.
Turn it around: if he’s married to a pro-female wrestler and she hits him, is that abuse? Of course. It’s not a question of strength, but of intent and action. If the woman hits her husband first–clearly not a case of self-defense–then it is abuse and his response is also abuse. They’re both equally wrong.
@ELBOWpasta - Good point. Just because he’s stronger doesn’t mean he has to fight back, or fight back to the point where he’s hurting her.
Evasive action is easy to do, especially when you’re bigger, stronger, and faster.
@macluhan_was_right - I hope SHE was arrested.
Ha ha Dan!!!!
I seriously thought this was a joke. But I’m reading some serious comments so maybe I should rethink what I find funny….
I don’t know that I like this question. Domestic Abuse is so much more than who hit whom. It’s not anger management. It’s not about physical power. So in reality, who hit whom really isn’t so much the issue as is why it happened.
I think this is sort of a dumb question. So if you are a man, you think it is OK to hit a woman? Not much of a man. I am probably biased as I am a recovering battered woman but there you have it.
I have ALWAYS believed that if you are man enough to hit a man, you are man enough to take it back. If I punch my husband, then I believe that he has every right to hit me back. No, he doesn’t have the right to knock me out, but he does have the right to hit me back. However, this would never happen in my house because 1) I have enough respect for my husband to never hit him. 2) He would never hit me. 3) He never gives me reason to hit him.
If a child or even adolescent is hitting you, you don’t beat the shit out of them.
You could never claim in your defense that it’s not your fault that you’re stronger.
However, most females have gotten used to being able to physically hurt guys and not
expect retaliation, which is also an issue.
Women shouldn’t hit either, but there is never, ever, ever an excuse for a man to hit a woman. I already tell my boys this. . .totally unacceptable to hit a girl.
guys hitting girls is never acceptible.
In my case, all dogs get a bite.After that, if they try it again, they are going down, and I’m going out the door. I’m not the type to fall for the”aw baby, it was an accident” stuff. It only gets worse if you allow someone to get away with hitting you. Women( or men) who stay in a relationship with an abuser are fools
No, but he should defend himself instead of hitting back if he is, indeed, stronger. If you are capable of defending yourself vs attacking back, you should take the former and reserve the latter for an extreme circumstance..
If she hists first then it’s self defense to stop her from hurting him. But what I see in the pics above is quite clearly NOT selfdefense.
Not her fault.
If he’s strong enough to do that, he’s strong enough to restrain her.
She obviously lacks self-discipline; however, that is still no excuse for a man to hit a woman. Rather than stoop down to her level, he should have the self-discipline to walk away.
If you need to defend yourself, hit back.
If you can just walk away and be fine, walk away.
When someone abuses you, the right thing to do is leave them, not become the abuser.
Wow. Men shouldn’t hit women. The end.
My parents taughts us to keep our hands to ourselves.
Depending on the situation,
Both are at fault.
She’s at fault for thinking that violence solves a domestic dispute.
He’s at fault for joining her in primitive problem solving.
The key is avoiding both those mistakes. Once two people make those mistakes, the chips usual fall in the mans favor physically.
If people articulated their point of views while remaining reasonable, there’d be no need for this question.
However, I think all will agree there’s an exception to every rule..
if she hits first, and he hits back, then they’re both at fault.
I think if she (or he, or anyone) hits first, then you have the right to hit back, or restrain them, but not to the point where you’re causing that much physical damage.
It’s a question of restraint, I guess.
I don’t know, it’s complex!
Restraint is ok, abuse is not.
where did my comment go?
women should not hit men, men should not it women. It’s both their faults.
Gees, those pics remind me of how my mom looked from ’01 to ’06
It depends, I suppose on how hard she hits him….if she walks up behind him and pats him gently on the shoulder and he starts beating her, saying that she hit him first….whose fault would you call that???
I would call him a trigger happy, irrational sonofabitch. Excuse my French.
@remingtonsteel - Wow, he gets my respect!!
@j_flo_in_TX - Yeah, but what if she doesn’t have any male relatives….or friends.
@happyvampire - Good one.
Just because she hit first doesn’t mean that he has the right to beat the shit out of him. No, she shouldn’t have hit him for no reason. But consider this: The couple is in a verbal argument. He starts walking toward her like he’s going to do something so she swings and hits him. Whether or not this happened, I don’t know. This does, in my opinion, seem to be the case when it comes to domestic violence. It also needs to be considered what injuries each party sustained. One has little to no injury and the other happens to look like the woman in the picture. Who do you think lost control and is more at fault? I’d also like to add that the same applies to men. Just because the man first puts his hand on the woman doesn’t mean that she gets to beat the shit out of him either.
I am against any form of spousal abuse. They should just get a divorce.
yeah, i mean, why is the wife punching the husband? did he give her reason to be punched?
what did the guy do to make the woman hit him in the first place?
Most men who abuse their women in *cough* self defense were hurting them first.
Plus I’m not afraid to beat a man with a golf club if he cheats on me or tries to hurt me.
Guess it just depends.
I hope the man would know he’d be nothing more than a coward for the rest of his life the minute he hit her though…
I agree with Mr. Colorful. My current boyfriend’s ex was physically abusive but somehow she turned it around and called the police and made it look as if HE had been hitting HER. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse, no matter who’s doing the hitting or insulting.
Well, if he’s stronger, he should just restrain her, instead of hitting her back.
@runaheadofme - Well, I’m not really talking about what he should do, or what he legally can do…
just what I would consider acceptable.
@happenstance8 - Okay. Whatever.
I’m just the mandated reporter who has seen many people get locked up for doing what they thought was right, or acceptable, that’s all. But, y’know, follow your gut. I’m sure everyone will understand. When something bad happens, just press that little “rewind” button and we’ll all pretend it never did.
Don’t believe everything you think. Look closely at the world and how it works.
@happenstance8 - Disclaimer: I don’t think any of this stuff has anything to do with you personally, I’m sure you’re a pretty peaceful person. It’s not a personal attack. I’m just being very firm about a completely hands-off, non-violent approach to domestic problems because of the way I’ve seen families and relationships fall apart because of this stuff.
I’ve been working with families in Oakland for 7 years. I’ve seen CPS and social workers and the police come into many a situation. Those people were good people, too, and some of them hit their children with a belt, or hit each other, or held their woman down to keep her from hurting her child. One child got ripped out of his mother’s arms by his father and thrown into another room. The mom got stabbed, the grandmother got knocked down and hurt. But in the end, the grandmother and the father got locked up, because the grandmother went off on the man with some unmentionable weaponry and they didn’t cut her any slack– even though she was old and he had attacked all three of them. The grandmother got out quicker and the father was locked up for much longer, but you can see from that story that even if it’s self-defense in your eyes, or acceptable, the law may see it differently.
God forbid any of you end up in those situations, but I want to alert everyone to get out. Do not get involved. Escape. End of rant.
By the by, I like Hajimemashite.
Agreed word for word with mrcolorful: “If she hits first then he has a right to use just enough force to stop her from hitting him, not a bit more though.”