September 27, 2008
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Poop in the Bible
The Bible mentions poop over and over again. It refers to it as dung.
- 1 Kings
- 1 Kings 14:10 Therefore,
behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off
from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut
up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of
Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.
- 1 Kings 14:10 Therefore,
- 2 Kings
- 2 Kings 6:25 And
there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it,
until an ass’s head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the
fourth part of a cab of dove’s dung for five pieces of silver. - 2 Kings 9:37 And
the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field in
the portion of Jezreel; so that they shall not say, This is Jezebel. - 2 Kings 18:27 But
Rab-shakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to
thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on
the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss
with you.
- 2 Kings 6:25 And
Here is the link: Link
Do you think God blogged about poop too much?
- 1 Kings
Comments (96)
no…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! (of course — as with most things — there could always be more!
)
ew.
Dan, you are incredible.
Everyone poops, even God. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
You’re incorrigible! I would have to assume that God spoke about dung exactly the right number of times.
p.s. fanning the flames make me giggle. i <3 dan!!
delicious.
How very lowbrow of God…
LOL – GOD said DUNG – LOL
You’re on a roll today aren’t ya? I still love ya, Dan (even if I never hear from you anymore).
As far as I’m concerned, God can “blog” about whatever he wants to! What a way to get your point across, haha.
God’s a blogger…lol
I made a blog on poo aka poop and the subject as why God made poop smell. Got any ideas Dan?
I love you.
I have never once read the Bible, but just from your examples, I have to say yes.
Very nice.
well see, even then God is “cussing” .. dung as shit, you know? LOL sheesh… big point on those things aintcha?
nice, but come on it’s natural.
yes pun intended.
what was the question?
First oral sex, now poop. Wow Dan…
god likes poo
See you just made my point for me. At least the point I have been trying to make for years.
THE BIBLE REALLY IS FULL OF SHIT!
Four-score pieces of silver for an ass’s head! That’s damned expensive. You can get them cheaper than that on Xanga, and they give them away fornothing on Myspace.
Man God was full of shit.
Teehee.
u never know what you’ll find in the bible…lol
Is there anything in The Bible about a high-fibre diet?
“blogged”? lawl.
Four verses out of….. I dont know 800,000 or whatever, isn’t much. C’mon.
I think Andrew is closer to God than most xangans who wont shut up about Him.
When America takes a nuke, I am going to blame everyone on friends lock who gossips, but prays loudly in public in a loud tone of voice.
I think it’s rather amusing, really. An inside-joke.
I love it. You know that people are already angry about some of your posts and you are just shoving it down their face. haha – You forgot the New Testament. Paul talks about dung in Philippians 3:8.
o.O
So, like, the Bible is God’s blog?
Bigger question: who the fuck was it who bought bird poop for five pieces of silver?
i didnt know the bible was so full of crap
Haha. Well I’ve never really realized all of the dung references until now, so I guess it wasn’t an overdose of poop or anything.
forget poop – god for the omnipotent being he is had many inaccuracies in the bible. many things that didn’t match up with other things in the bible…
oh…ew.
Okay, I was going to have some normal comment until I saw another comment that got me irked and defensive. Okay. Take a breath. I think one of my favorite things about the Bible is that although the culture is different and the technology is different, the people are very modern in their thoughts and feelings. I like the realism, even if sometimes it is uglier than I like. There are some sad stories.
I don’t like it when people go digging through the Bible looking for crap. No pun intended and I don’t mean you Dan. It’s like they’re dying to make a million Christians mad by proving their special book is worthless. It’s like picking apart a Monet looking for ugly flaws.
Or maybe they just want Christians to shut up and think if they can shatter their confidence, they’ll be quiet. Or maybe they just hate God/Jesus.
But the Bible is a really interesting book. And the view changes when you look at it differently. It’s rather multi-dimensional. And I think people should be curious about it before being critical. And if you don’t get it, maybe ask someone who does what they see. Perhaps you’re looking at it through the wrong lens.
And poop…who cares? I think if God says he made people and people poop and he’s inspiring a book for people, why shouldn’t he mention poop?
@darkoozeripple - have you heard of Ezekiel bread?
technically it’s someone else “blogging” for God…
Mr Theologian, I have to say, you are a strange bird! What brings on a post like this? Did you get one hung sideways or something?
@charlottegeely - Are they a punk band?
@darkoozeripple - hah, no it’s a health food bread based on this diet that God told the prophet Ezekiel to follow. VERY high fiber and also talks about dung I think…. It’s in the book of …Ezekiel (hah) in the Bible. Here’s a link. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel%204:9-17
@darkoozeripple - oh, you’re Brittish…perhaps it’s an American thing. The bread, not the Bible.
Just posted a response in my blog. Check it out!
I just finished taking a dump, and I read this. How fitting ^_^
LOL That’s the funniest damn photo I’ve seen all day (and I’m on here a lot)
God is shit.
He was the lens with which we once made sense of the world. God gave morality. God gave meaning. God was great.
We’ve now moved beyond that. God has become a vestigial organ, a tumor of our collective conscienceness. Philosophy, morality, anthropology have all given us a better sense of how things are. To cling onto God is to muddle how things actually are.
God needs to be passed out of our systems. It’s to be flushed away.
@Mcon - Everyone poops, even God. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I just realized, Jesus didn’t have much of a toilet when nailed to that wonderful cross.
HAHAHAHA at the picture! ;D
I would love to see you lead a bible study class.
I saw Kristenmomof3′s tirade about you on her blog. I actually agree with a lot of what she had to say, BUT, I’m not sure that ripping you a new one on her blog like that was any more “Christ-like” than what you blog about. That said, don’t let her (or anyone else) get you down. It’s been my experience that if you don’t believe just like she does…well, she gets pretty ticked about it.
@charlottegeely - ’the people are very modern in their thoughts and feelings.” Yes. In short, they are real. The account is in some way real, whether distorted by time, recorders and translators, or not. But – except in the case of halfwits – I do not think that people attack The Bible out of hatred of God or Jesus. No, they do so often for a much more reasonable and just cause: hatred of all the arrogance and crap that has inspired so many “Christians” to harm so many in the name of God and Jesus, thus making said names stink.
God has a sense of humor
@darkoozeripple - Good reply, props.
But there are also the assholes and mean-spirited idiots who bash Christians for the fun of it. It’s hard with these people, I don’t know whether to call them out or to nod my head in agreement. =/
@darkoozeripple - “Or maybe they just want Christians to shut up and think if they can shatter their confidence, they’ll be quiet.” But maybe that’s not the same thing as what you are talking about. I guess I don’t think much about Christians killing in the name of God since it is SO far removed from my personal experience with Christians. Well, I can say you’re right that killing in the name of religion isn’t very fun. In fact, I can’t think of any New Testament Christian killers. It seems like they were usually the ones getting killed. As far as crusaders, inquisitionists, etc….maybe they didn’t have a very realistic view of Christianity… maybe it has nothing to do with the Bible…. unless you are looking at the Old Testament. No answer for that one.
Since when did God blog??
@charlottegeely - …Well, I can say you’re right that killing in the name of religion isn’t very fun. In fact, I can’t think of any New Testament Christian killers. It seems like they were usually the ones getting killed…
As long as religion and Christianity exists, there will always be the possiblity of a virulent strain. New cults and denominations mutate from the old. There is always the chance of the revival of the old intolerance and the old violence.
In American Christianity today, we can see its more subtle poisons. There are those religious folks intent on handicapping our children in science education with their Creationist rubbish. The Christians of many states are pushing for legislation to systematically discriminate against same-sex couples.
This is what happens when the foundations of an entire belief system is mushy shit. It’s all not very sound.
It should be remembered that God was communicating with people, who needed concepts expressed in terms they could understand and relate to. So, when it says Jezebel’s carcass will be as dung on a hill, I hypothesize that it was a very graphic way of getting the point across: Jezebel was evil and her end would not be pretty.
I’m not sure how to respond to that. I’m not convinced.
I’m fairly sure that God left that designation for you alone, Dan.
No comment.
Well you know, it was part of God’s perfect plan to create humans (and animals) with digestive tracts and poop shoots, so it would follow that His mentioning of that end product here and there in His Word would be appropriate. And as with all things God does, His references to such waste are sufficient.
BTW: love the pic:) Makes me miss creating fun sand sculptures on the beach… have you ever heard of the sand sculpting evangelist at Ocean City, MD? Now THOSE are some pretty fascinating works of art…
@PreciousOnyx - Don’t forget about colon cancer. With malignent tumors, God arbitrarily tortures good Christians and play with the emotions of their family members.
@huginn - The second law of Thermodynamics is not inherently contrary to God’s perfect universe. Death and suffering are. Christianity is not anti-science or anti-intellectual. Here is one of many sites http://www.tektonics.org/scim/sciencemony.htm that rather plainly demonstrate the weight of Christendom in academia- and these are just the scientists. The modern world owes much to the accomplishments of Christians- even Darwin (his only degree was in theology, btw).
You’re getting a little snarky, btw. Time for bed for you, I’d say.
the topic is really shitty and it stinks !!
AHAHAHA…God blogged about poop.
Very nice.
@one_trached_momma - tee hee
@PreciousOnyx - The second law of Thermodynamics is not inherently contrary to God’s perfect universe. Death and suffering are…
Oh no, I was trolling you down a different alley. =/
You know, like how imperfection and suffering shouldn’t be possible with such a perfect God. You were supposed to bring up the garden of Eden and original sin as an answer, and I was supposed to do my best to make fun of it.
Christianity is not anti-science or anti-intellectual. Here is one of many sites http://www.tektonics.org/scim/sciencemony.htm that rather plainly demonstrate the weight of Christendom in academia- and these are just the scientists.
Christianity is the dominent religion of the Western hemisphere. Yes: Most of the historically great scientists and many of our monder thinkers happen to be Christian. Just as most of them happen to be male and be American or European. Their ideas of science, however, are seperate from the percularities of circumstance.
The pursuit of science is entirely seperate from the philosophy or content of the Bible. Interpretations of hte Bible, though, has locked past and present societies to scientifically inaccurate ideas. (Geocentric model, etc. etc.)
Yes.
ahahahahahah is this for real
i never knew that
I look at the picture you have posted here, and I wonder why the guy didn’t pull up his hoodie? It is going to get really messy on the inside with that kind of BM.
Well, I’ll be darned. The KJV does use the word “piss”. o_O
Being an NIV devotee, I totally missed that. LOL
Best. Counterpost. Ever.
man, i didn’t know that!
Yes he did, very unchristian of him!
EEEHEHEHEHEEHEHHEHEHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! God, if I ever go to church, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to keep a straight face. What between this and the Song of Soloman:P:P:P:D
Oh, is that you, on the beach in the pic?…..I think it’s something you would do:D
@huginn -
Christianity is the dominent religion of the Western hemisphere. Yes: Most of the historically great scientists and many of our monder thinkers happen to be Christian. Just as most of them happen to be male and be American or European. Their ideas of science, however, are seperate from the percularities of circumstance.
Actually for many of these great thinkers it was because of their belief in the Bible that they were able to make their discoveries. Namely, the idea that the universe can be understood in terms of laws because it was designed and not haphazardly thrown together by time and chance.
The pursuit of science is entirely seperate from the philosophy or content of the Bible. Interpretations of hte Bible, though, has locked past and present societies to scientifically inaccurate ideas. (Geocentric model, etc. etc.)
While the Bible is not a science book- it is not inaccurate in its descriptions of the universe. The geocentric model was actually a Greek concept that the Church didn’t really bother to challenge until later on- it was not derived from the Bible. The language in the Bible is speaking of cosmic events such as the Earth’s rotation in terms of how we see it from Earth’s perspective. The constellations we see only make sense as such from our perspective here on Earth- they’d be distorted from how we understand them from another standpoint. The same goes for how we watch the sun- even meterologists refer to the Earth’s rotation as “sunrise” and “sunset” because we can’t really see or feel the Earth rotating. It’s not inaccurate it’s poetic language. Neither does the Bible teach that the Earth is flat- “the four corners of the Earth” refers to the compass points (N, E, S, W) and they are also made in reference to the direction of the wind- that is still how we describe wind movements with all our sophisticated scientific discoveries in this day and age. Any “inaccuracies” are more likely the intentional misinterpretation of those who want to refute the Bible… not unlike yourself…
“Pooping” has always been a religious experience for me, it is when I do most of my praying.
Haha. I love watching Xanga politics unfold…
God blogs?
Pisseth…that’s a new one… : )
You missed a reference in Judges (chapter 3 I think) in the story of Ehud. He runs the Eglon, the obese king of Moab through with a sword and the phrase added is “and the dirt came out” which basically means he lost control of all bodily functions. That is also why the kings attendednts took so long to find out the kind was dead… because they thought he was relieving himself. …just thought I’d add one to the list.
@Mcon - well, God isn’t human, or any other creature. god doesn’t eat or sleep. he’s like a spirit so I don’t think He would poop.
yeah……….
@huginn -
I doubt that Jesus had much of anything left in his digestive system to produce a stool.
the bible is poop
lol. Thinking of the Bible as God’s blog makes me giggle.
Well,no,I believe it is what everything does,poops…
Instead of the main topic, I’d like to comment on something else.. I never really thought of my savior as a blogger, before.
God didn’t “blog” hahaha!
You forgot one passage: the place in Deuteronomy (the 5th book of the Torah, the Jewish law) where God gives instructions about how to dig latrines:
23:12 Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. 13 As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. 14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.
Now if God only told us how to wash our hands after we poop, maybe more of us would remember to do that, too.
The bible is the inspired word of God so everything in it has its place. So I would say no. The best part is in the old testement where God cursed the guy for not getting his sister-in- law pregent after the death of her husband the Bible says tha he spilled his seed on the ground.
Haha…you’re silly.
Are you pulling my leg? Did you make this stuff up? Seriously!
wow…
I don’t think God blogged, not too mention the book was written by many others, not by God… but in the bible, I think they used the appropriate word wisely as to make a point across.
not dogging anyone, so don’t read me wrong