November 12, 2008
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Number of Sexual Partners
I was reading an article where a man mentioned that his female partners had more sexual partners than he had. Here is the link: Link
I was also reading this article about how many partners men claimed to have versus how many partners women claim to have had sex. Here is the link: Link
Men claimed 20 partners in the survey while women claimed 6. The median was probably more accurate with men claiming 8 and women claiming 3. (Either way, someone is lying).
Now on the one hand I can see that a person would want their partner to have less sexual experience. They would not have to worry about suffering to comparison. On the other hand, an experienced parter may bring more to the table.
If you had to pick one or the other, would you rather your partner have more sexual partners or less sexual partners than you have had in your life?
Comments (134)
I wouldn’t change anything
I’m all for equality.
Frankly, I’ve dated some sluts, and I’ve dated some prudes, and it’s all about the middle ground.
Not that slutty women (a term that entirely defies any genuine qualification) don’t have some bitchin’ stories.
I would have to say the less parteners the better. If they need experience, thats what practice is for haha
i would prefer less, if only to feel the change in them as they get expierence
I’d say we had none. Unless he was married once already. That be it.
i like them with about the same..or less.
I would say less is better. Yeah the experience helps but the less they have the less people you are having sex with by having sex with them. Plus, you can work with them if they are lacking experience.
Less, I guess…
or none, but I’m not keeping my hopes up on that one.
@Drakonskyr - Maybe promiscuous is a more appropriate word
Screw that, they’re slutty.
It doesn’t matter as long as the number is within a normal range.
I’d have to with the same as me or less… only because if they have TOO much experience then they have expectations of what they want you to do. And sometimes you don’t want to do that. and also… I tend to be paranoid about STD’s. yikes!
Less partners. Less chance for stds.
Ah, I’m a silly little good old fashioned prude on this one. At least to me, I feel it’s best when both are equal: at zero. (Or one and one, with each other, I suppose, heh.)
more.
I need a man that knows what he’s doin. I have him now, but even when I was in middle school this boy had never kissed a girl so I stopped talking to him. lmao I sound like I was mean back then.
more
My husband has been with many, beautiful women. I would tell you the number but it might make Gene Simmons look bad. And I think that it’s just awesome that 1) he totally knows what he’s doing 2) of all the beautiful women in the world, he chose me as his wife.
In a perfect world neither of us would have had any but hind sight is always 20/20.
I would think it wouldn’t matter as long as they’ve been careful about protection and whatnot. STDs are for losers.
I’d want it to be about the same. Give a couple take a couple.
If I could change anything, it would be that I actually shared that number truthfully with my husband. That was a mistake…my “number” was higher than he thought it should have been….really messed with his conception of me. We eventually adopted a “B.U.” (before us) mentality, otherwise I don’t think our marriage would have survived.
I don’t think the idea of having ‘one for one’ (ie, if I’ve never been with anyone, I don’t want you to have been either) is a good or realistic idea. I mean, based on my past experiences, I know how good I have it now- without that comparison, I wouldn’t appreciate the good sex I now have with my husband.
I understand not wanting to be compared (my husband absolutely does NOT want to hear about my past sexual partners) and yet I ask about everything and anything that might come up about his past experience. I personally have more partners then he’s had but it doesn’t seem to bother him. And it doesn’t bother me either. As long as the number isn’t anything insanely large (I mean, really- do you want to sleep with someone who’s been with hundreds of people? That just strikes me as unhealthy- mentally and physically for them.) I don’t really think it should matter. If both partners are satisfied, then that’s all that matters.
I prefer someone who wasn’t too sexually promiscuous.
More. Let him train me. haha
Honestly, however unfair/weird this may be, I’d prefer it either be one polar opposite or the other. A few people is the worst; I feel like if they’ve had sex with one or two people, they probably still look back on that occasionally because that’s all they have to compare it to. If they’ve had sex with no one, I don’t have to worry about them comparing or thinking about other women and what they looked like and etc. If they’ve had sex with a lot of people i feel like they’re jaded and at this point don’t bother making comparisons, which is great as well. That’s assuming they’re not infected with anything or whatever.
Sorry for the long-winded response.
less. without a doubt.
I guess, I would rather a guy have had no sexual partners, than having had 2+ (I have had one). Here’s why:
- With a virgin, there’s no need to worry about STDs. Obviously, we’d both get tested beforehand, but if he’s a virgin, then he doesn’t need to be tested.
- I prefer a man who reserves sex for committed relationships. And I prefer men who are in my age range (18-22), and frankly, that is not a lot of time to have formed more than one committed relationship. It’s possible, but less likely
- I don’t mind inexperience or even inadequate technique, as long as he’s willing to learn.
I certainly wouldn’t count number of sexual partners against a man. I just want to know the CONTEXT, and chances are, I’ll like that context better if it’s a lower number.
@Rosie1268 - I disagree. I have had one sexual partner in my life. And I’m sure I will have another one. But I will never regret the sexual relationship that I did have.
A lot less.
I barely trust where I’ve been. Anything more than me I know I couldn’t trust where you’ve been.
Less.
I don’t honestly care as long as she’s clean and faithful, as I’d be. I figure sex will be enjoyable regardless of silly things like experience and all that which mean nothing as long as I’m with the one I love.
I’d want my partner to have only me as their sexual partner, and me only them, personally.
I would just have too many paranoid thoughts if he has had any other sexual partners but me.
I would like to just get one.
It is actually mathematically possible for men to average more partners than women, provided the promiscuous women were *very* promiscuous.
I don’t think it matters. My boyfriend has had about 60 partners (that he can remember), and I’ve had about 10, including women, but in all the 6+ years we’ve been together, we’ve been loyal to each other, and the sex has been great from the start. In fact it only gets better. So I guess it just depends on who you’re with. And who you (currently) are.
Doesn’t matter to me.
@grammarboy - well said
whatever, as long as they haven’t slept around with tons of people.
in fact, i know sexual “practice” makes better sex but i think it’s so much more about learning what your partner likes and what you guys like to do with each other. just with simple kisses, everyone is different.
I sometimes wish I’d had more.
But there are some people I definitely regret sleeping with…so if I could just swap those out for some studly men, that would be good too.
Without a doubt, most of my ex wives blew me away (pun not intended) on the sheer numbers…one or another I might have passes, but mostly cause I had been married more times than they had.
I think this notion that most people have that men need more experience is pure unadulterated BS.
Experience, skill, talent, comes from taking the time to get to the know the basic anatomy of the gender you are with followed by a desire to please this person…and then taking time with that person.
Sex is as much about emotion, communication and genuine knowledge of the other person as it about get on, get in, get your jollies.
I would like to think that if I were with one of the honeys that is talking that trash that who we were with before wouldn’t matter…and that my sheer care for her, that I choose to be with her and as such am willing to spend all the time in the world to please her would take me to the top of her list….
But then, when you have been married as often as I have, you start to figure this S*** out,
Women always give it up too fast and then they are left wondering why…
It’s a prize you have ladies, don’t give it away to every tom, dick and harry….and yes, pun intended this time.
To me, it doesn’t matter how many people my significant other’s been with before he was with me. All that matters is that he is only faithful to me once he’s with me. Oh, and I’d also rather he doesn’t have AIDS or any other STD.
How about NO stds and NO “surprise, i am a tranny; prepare for buttsex”?
more. i have no desire to have to teach someone. he should know what he’s doing, boys don’t attract me, men do.
Someone with the same or more experience than me. I’m not much of a teacher. If they don’t know which hole is the vagina, which hole is the ass, where the clit is…basics like that, then I don’t want them as a sexual partner.
I would want him to have more because I would feel like a whore if I had been with more. I think that comes from the double standard that men are supposed to sleep with more people than women are though.
hmmm, interesting topic…
I’ve had more partners than my hub has had…and while he knows he wasn’t my first, I’ve never actually sat down and gone over numbers with him…
It wouldn’t bother me if he had been with more women before me, it’s the NOW that matters, not the past…
*HUGS*
@la_faerie_joyeuse - thanks for disagreeing…
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- @ficklemistress - @CallMeQuell - @PPLrWierd
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- @mayanao - @StewieIsMyHero-
I say we all do sex party and do all-some! That’ll be awesome and fun
Honestly, a LITTLE bit more. Just not TOO much more:P I do enjoy a guy that already knows what he’s doing. I was never meant to be a teacher. I’m far too impatient.
Probably more partners, that’s all I’ve ever experienced
@sexybuttonly - I’m not trying to be mean but I did not follow that first sentence at all. I also can’t tell if I’m misconstruing it as sarcasm. haha
same or less
Just no extra ones during our relationship, that’s my only rule
This is the case where less is definitely more.
It doesn’t matter to me as long as the girl isn’t so promiscuous anymore. I try to avoid deal-breakers because everyone’s life is different and some people go through phases.
I guess ideally less experience though.
I believe in the biblical model, that barring death or adultery, you should stick with only one sexual partner – your spouse.
Oh, and I would prefer a spouse with the same value set.
I was just chatting about this the other day… My friend-for-wine did a quick calculation and revealed that she has had 27 fun-time friends. *27*. Wow, that’s a lot of penis. =P
@listen_to_The_Pixies - I didn’t understand what she/he was saying either.
definitely less.
I wanted the guy i married to have slept with more people than me. Not a lot more, just one more if need be. That way he could never use it against me and call me a slut because he’s slept with more.
I got lucky and married a man who has slept with 5 women. I’ve slept with 4 men, so it works out perfectly
That would be gross to find out that your girlfriend had sex with all those people.
It doesn’t matter, really. As long as she’s not a total slut.
Here’s my stance on the number:
number of committed relationships
+ 3
————————————————
One’s number of sexual partners.
Sex can be a normal part of any committed relationship and should be. I can also excuse one drunken escapade, one for that weird “first time” with your s/o of a week or two when you were 13 (I think everyone’s got that one, honestly, or something close), and one for that ultimate revenge lay after your most bitter break-up when you bedded her best friend.
definitely less.
I don’t want anyone’s herpes. Less is more, people.
My husband was a virgin, so less is so much more. He is wonderful
less.
@ShamrockLover - haha, I feel as if the type of guy who would call a girl a slut to begin with wouldn’t even bother to subscribe to the logic that he slept with more people than her and therefore can’t say that.
hopefully the same: none
It depends on your own personal experience. If you’re very inexperienced then it’s probably intimidating for you to date someone with a lot of experience. On the other hand, if you’re experienced you’re going to want someone who knows what they’re doing.
Or if you’re into the romantic sense of sex rather than it just being good, then you’d probably want to go for someone who hasn’t had many previous partners.
Personally, my boyfriend has had more partners than I have, and at times I worry that I don’t measure up to his previous girls, but in the end I know he loves me and assures me on a regular basis that I’ve been his best.
ewww omg who wears those stockings to bed anymore anway LOL ^referring to pic^
I would prefer that my sexual partners bring me additional sexual partners. To celebrate my brilliant answer, let’s all have a group hug.
@ficklemistress - EPIC FAIL
less! virtue is the SEXIEST thing a woman could ever have.
Honestly, more. But not too much.
hmm….i think i would have to say more than me….i need him to bring some variety to the table
@listen_to_The_Pixies - as in 3some but the more the merrier. just a suggestion! girl you’re sure a beauty! love to have sex with you.
less or equal
I was expecting you to ask for #s
Less
@sexybuttonly - why, thank you.
NONE! However, that’s probably next to impossible.
Less.
my boyfriend/future husband has slept with roughly 25 people… and I was number 20 (we got into a relationship after being friends with benefits for a while).. and I’ve been with 11 people, he was number 7 for me.
I think that a person shouldn’t be judged by how many people they have been with because it really depends on the chemistry the couple has together. someone could have tons of experience but not be able to satisfy their current partner based on that person’s preferences. someone with less experience might wind up being wildly talented.
I*m glad my wife and I both saved ourselves for in our marriage. Neither of us had sexual partners before our wedding night.
This is the first time you posted something and I have to say that I really don’t have an opinion on that. It could go either way. I would want him to be experienced but not overtly man-whorish. There is one thing I do know, I can not handle a virgin. It would just freak me out too much. Other than that..I dont really know. Good one.
That’s an intersting question. I’m in a realtionship in which my partner has had more sexual partners than I have and really it doesn’t bother me, I can’t see it doing so unless the other person had a ridiculously high number of parterns in comparison.
Best answer: we each have only one.
I think most people lie in polls and surveys
Less. I don’t mind being frank and admitting that (this is the truth!) I have had fewer than ten sexual partners in my entire life and I can’t fathom how anyone could just have one-night stands without any love or be proud of having a huge number of partners. To me, more partners means a higher chance of being infected with some heinous disease.
@desertrose2890 - Yeah I couldn’t handle a virgin either. If a man gets to be in his twenties and is still a virgin, in my experience they’re too skittish to be much good at sex and are generally either very religious or gay.
I could care less as long as I don’t get a STD. My number is higher then a lot of the guy I have slept with and none really seem to mind.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter to me. Its just a number and as long as they don’t have a STD I am fine.
shit, i wont be picky………….hell at this point i get happy if somebody just touches my leg!
actually i don’t know which i prefer, i mean if somebody has had a lot of partners then they are usually better. then again, fewer partners means less change of disease.
I pick burgundy because that’s my favorite color.
I would want them to have close to the same, actually. I’ve only been with three people, so I would prefer them to have been with other people before, but not a lot of other people. That way they wouldn’t get all clingy, but they don’t just give it away to anyone either.
less I think
I’m intensely paranoid, insanely competitive and occasionally jealous. Right now, I’m with the guy that was my first and I was his first. I don’t know how I could function in a relationship where my partner had been with a couple of other people, let alone a bunch.
less, i think.
I don’t understand why people harp on experience as a necessity. Can’t you get that having sex with the same person and waiting for that one person? Maybe I’m old fashion…
Uh…..I can’t believe I’m saying this on here……but I guess I’d prefer someone with………..experience.
*hides face* *runs away blushing furiously*
I would have preferred a partner with little to no experience, which would have been equal to my own experience. I think in general it’s best for the couple to both have similar experience levels, whatever that might be.
I prefer a ‘clean-er’ partner, I’ll lead. haha
As long as we please each other, who cares what the number is.
Less partners = less disease.
justsayin….
Less. None, to be specific.
My husband has had just one more partner than I have and that’s ok with me. Sometimes I hate that he had those partners (b/c they weren’t me!!) but I realize that without them odds are he wouldn’t be as good as he is
the same as me – to the decimal dot!
If I had to choose: less than me , then at least I’d know what to compare hin too
As long as he doesn’t make fun of me for being completely clueless, I don’t really care. I’m all about having my world totally rocked.
Surveys always have to be considered to have an adjusted assessment over the number of people polled rather than an actual reflection of the entire American population, but safe to say this is a very interesting study generalizing a decent overlook on how men and women are alike and different sexually and emotionally.
And as for cheating, it’s more or less a psychological fulfillment, most time aided by sexual desire. It could be as much as an insecurity as much as it is a need to get out of a bad relationship. Just be able to face the consequences. Just don’t do it if you have kids. That’s just mean…
http://www.iheartboris.com
Act like ya know!
I’d want a partner with not too many past partners. Too many past partners would imply that the person was not discriminating, and had sex for sport.
My husband has had more partners than me (including his first wife) and I don’t even think about it; it’s just not an issue. It was when he was young and before he was a Christian, and it’s just not something I even think about.
I think that less is good, I have only been with my husband and that is how it will stay. Abstenance is the prevention for STDS and other things.
I wish I’d lived my faith and had zero. He did.
More. I need someone to teach me at this point. I don’t know how to be that intimate with somebody else. At this point, for still being a virgin, I’m just like, fuck it.
Same or less.
Honestly, it doesnt always affect performance. (At least in my marginal experience!)
But as far as the risk for STD’s and such goes… definitely less partners is better!
if your good in bed, then your good in bed. it doesn’t matter how many sexual partners you have… SO LESS IS MOST DEF. BETTER! Sex is something shared between two people who love each other.. chemistry really does matter! my husband has only had 2 partners his whole life and i bet he’s better in bed than any slutty guy!
Having more experience doesnt necessarily mean sleeping with more ppl. It just means they have tried a lot of different things.
IMO, it doesnt matter how many ppl my partner has slept with as long as he knows how to please.
No regrets, but no large number either.
I’m not quite sure, really.
I think my husband had maybe 10 partners before he met me and I had zero. Since then, He has had me to add to his list nd I have him to add to mine. Maybe I should have been a little slutty beforehand,but I am content.
Less.
Don’t care…the past is the past. It’s about the now and our relationship.
I’d be more concerned with how many he has at the time. That life for me has long passed. Haha. Whew!
I would want him to have about equal or less I guess.I don’t want a womanizer or a man hoe!
Less, oh god less. I wouldn’t be able to stand the shame of having someone who knew so much more than me. ): This is a sensitive subject for me, Dan, and I feel like crying.
Really depends on the girl. I have slept with girls that have had more then me and those that have had less. Usually the girls with more sexual partners are much more comfortable with their sexuality where the girls that have less don’t know how to really just enjoy sex. They are too busy focusing on if they are doing it right. Granted this is always the case but in my experience of 27 women that has been the case most of the time. Ideally for some reason I would still prefer a girl that has had less partners then me… I guess it really doesn’t matter as long as she enjoys sex as much as I do to the point where it is a Need and not a want. Perhaps just wishful thinking on my part.
My husband never even dated anyone before me (he could have, but he knew what he was looking for and waited till he found it); I am eternally grateful that I don’t have to worry about cervical cancer or STI’s or the emotional baggage that would have been par for the course had he slept with someone else!
I prefer the same amount—none.
haha
We both were virgins when we got married and it’s been great. Also, I don’ t have to worry about how I compared to the other girl.
slut bitches! keep um’
I’d hope that my future husband saved himself for marriage, like I am going to.
I just want him to have had GOOD sex partners, so as to have taught him well.
You know when I’m with someone I don’t even want to know how many partners they have had and I don’t ever volunteer my information. I sometimes ask though “how many serious relationships have you been in?” I’m more concerned with if they been able to commit and things like that. The number just doesn’t really matter because someone could have been with one person their whole life, but they were together for years, so they might have more experience than the guy who’s been with ten people.
is a kiss considered a sexual partner ?
how about cybering?
I got engaged and before any sex took place ,
I broke the engagement .. and that happened three times
would that be considered sexual partner?