from my blog tags: greenvitapiss

a mighty flow afterwards 

(edit) i stole this entryfrom a comment i “left” over at gunstarhero‘s
site…then decided to torture you civilized folk with it as well…not
because you are bad, but because i am lazy. please be forewarned that i
use the term ‘cock vulture’ and ‘vita-piss’, so i ask that you not star
this post at all less the minds of america’s youth be corrupted. so
dont put a star on it please i beg you dont throw me in that there
briarpatch! please! won’t somebody please think about the children???

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ryc:( i am way too old fashioned to do the ‘reply’ thing)

dude, i bet you were tweaking to the gills off of all that Dew. then a mighty flow afterwards.

so, in way, *you* were the solid gold dancer.

if you can equate pissing and dancing
together. i dont know, the two seem somewhat entertwind in my mind due
to a penile experience i had about a dozen year ago or so. i was on
probation at that time for drugs, assault and conspiracy charges, and i
was 2 months away from being released.i had taken a few hits off of a
blunt in a hot tub with these two hot chicks and i just knew that the
dickhead of a probation officer named paul was just waitin to bust me,
just months from being a free man again. i wont take probation anymore,
just do my time if it happens. fuck being slave to to the state.
anyway, i had drank two different kinds of headshop cleansing products
as well as drinking a gallon of water. i always had a hard
time peeing for paul, as he was the kind of faggit i dont like looking
at my schlong, ie, not paying me money or dressed up like pippi
longstocking, and just the intense pressure, i mean he’s alll like
staring at my cock in a cup to make sure it’s not some kind of dildo
clean piss squirting device or something, and he’d breath all hard over
my shoulder. then we had talks about shit like intellectual chess games
about time and money. anyway, here i am at the last time i get to see
paul before he i am transferred to a less intensive 3 month form of
probation…he wants to get me. i got my lucky green sweater on. my
grandmother gave me that sweater for christmas. i went back into the
hood when i got out of jail back in the day and made the doorman at the
shooting gallery give it back to me strait up and scared his ass in the
cold wet houston winter. that sweater looked soo conservative young
gentleman. anyway, this time, this time, i have drank over gallon of
water and two 48 ounces of cleansing product… you’d think i’d be a
pissing like a racehorse. nu uh. paul is such a cock vulture, circling
me buzz buzz buzzard with spoken audible insinuations, saying such
slithering things like, ” have you been using? just tell me now, its
better this way, maybe some more counseling….my god i will stabinate
the next councillor that the man makes me talk to. i will stabinate her
very soul with my eyes to the blackest nights of frozen oblivion if
they make me so much as listen to one iota of CoDependancy…the
false religion of the skinner box priests…but anyway, back to the
bathroom with my wang and paul’s waiting eyes. i cant go. just three
drops. it just so happens this special day that paul has brought a
friend. he’s some cool looking black dude that looks like he’s got a
part time job as a certified drug screener brought in by the county in
wake of the archaic way the state had administered tests. paul was
taking no chances of me saying i had a personal vendetta and he screwed
with my sample. i cant pee for paul. i’m tense off of thousands of
times the B vitamins the fda recommended allowance is. my wang is
silent. a gallon of water and two huge nasty zydot type drinks at $40
each…a whole fucking gallon and a half. i just cant piss in front of
pauls smiling lechery. i produce maybe six drops. he takes the cup back
to the lab tech and ask him if its enough for a sample. the cool
looking black dude says its not but maybe it’d be ok if i went by
myself. paul says no. the black dude asks if it’d be ok if he went with
me instead, as he couldnt wait around all day and he could see how
tense paul made me. i said it’d be fine by me. i liked his photo id on
a lanyard that said he was state certified ( i have a similar one now
for vehicles…not for piss) . paul had his probation badge like a cop.
so i sure, maybe i’d have better luck with someone new. i’m just
extremely pee shy unless your a hot chick with a freaky side or your
one of my homeboys and we’re pissing on someone who crossed us. it’s
easy then. but with some bitch watchin you…he must have really liked
his job is all i could figure. so me and the dude go to the stall, and
he turns on the water and turns himself completely away from me. when i
flush after filling his cup to the line, he say’s he could just imagine
how he’d feel if “somebody strange” was looking at him when he had to
go. a real fucking human being.  so we take the cup to the table. my
urine has a decidedly greenish color. paul ask why. i tell him that it
might be my vitamins. he raises an eyebrow. we’ve played mental chess
before. i sugested it might be the light from my green sweater. paul
looks like he may be allowing for light, but remains unconvinced. the
cool black dude whispers in my ear, “tell him you’re a vulcan. you have
green blood.” i look paul in the eye and tell him i am indeed a vulcan
and have green blood.. you’re a vulcan, eh? and paul looks somehow
defeated and scribbles something down in his notes. the test takes an
inordinate amount of time. i got two quickly read what the reagents
were on the box…one of them was olivetol. damn, i knew that this test
was for weed and not methamphibian. it’s not easy being green. paul is
going on in confidential tones to the guy with the state badge he’d
failed that day with a sinister grin…some who were almost finished
with their sentences, and if they’d only been honest with him, he’d
just added a few weeks counseling…. the black dude has my results. he
shows them to paul, and hope dies in his eyes. the cool black guy has a
smile on his face and tells me, “you’re all clear man, and thats what
you need.. i shake hands with him easily rolling the fingers in a
groove like manner. when i shake paul’s hand it’s like gary kaspirov
and big blue and  i’m like the breeze out the door… i buy one last
coke from the accursed machine in the rat smelling office and magically
catch the 222 bus right on time and its about half way home i remember
my bladder, which has been taken up residence atop a tenser’s floating
disc from my ubergeek days of d&d lore…and hast now returnethed
with a vengeance… i stop the bus and run for the woods behind the
circle k…. i make it to about a hundred feet and rip open the buttons
of my 501 jeans…i dont have time to even grab it…my wang has taken
off like a runaway fireman’s hose, franticly spewing green droplets in
a undulating serpentine explosions of vita-piss…it was the longest
piss on human record at that time, and it also set records for
distance,,,i soaked the tops of  several cedar trees as well as
embarrassingly getting quite a bit on myself. and i cared not, for i
was a free man again…just now soaked in green pee. and i never forgot
the wild dance of my penis, it was an uncontrollable  flagellating
gyrating pressure driven fleshy hose dispensing the bright green
droplets of rich smelling vita-piss…but since i was wearing my lucky
green sweater, none of the errant droplets were visible and it was into
the shower i went for a nice hot bath being scrubbed by a matronly
female who brought my bowl of kind. the end.