December 29, 2008
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Virginity Pledges
A recent study found that teens that make virginity pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens that don’t make the pledges. They are also less likely to practice safe sex.
The study actually compared “those who had taken a virginity pledge with similar teens who hadn’t taken a pledge but were likely to delay having sex” but “didn’t include teens who were unlikely to take a pledge” Here is the link: Link
The study found “Virginity pledgers and similar non-pledgers don’t differ in the rates of vaginal, oral or anal sex or any other sexual behavior. Strikingly, pledgers are less likely than similar non-pledgers to use condoms and also less likely to use any form of birth control.”Do you think virginity pledges are ineffective?
Comments (179)
I think it all has to do with the one pledging.
Not on the whole, but ultimately it’s always down to the person. If biological urges end up overtaking a person, then even a card in their wallet won’t help them. People are simply people.
I think the reason why they’re least likely to take precautions is because they took a pledge, they feel they don’t need the other stuff. So when sex comes up, they just do it with no precautions because they hadn’t been expecting to do it.
It doesn’t make them useless for EVERYONE…I’m sure there’s people who pledge and take it very seriously and don’t break it. But it is useless if you do it anyways, even after pledging.
I think they’re one of the creepier aspects of the American psyche.
i’m turning 21 and still virgin and I don’t care what the study is saying. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have an exciting sex life in the future.
To answer your question: YES.
Ultimately, it comes down to the person. For some, these pledges mean something, and they honor them. Others get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget all about the pedge.
I feel like making a virginity pledge now .
Kidding, but uhhh.. I don’t know?
my best friend at age 16 got mad at me because I was having sex. She said she was going to wait until she got married. Yet, she gave her boyfriend blow jobs. She couldn’t see it was the same thing. Both are sex.
I pointed that out to her. She stopped talking to me.
Well it sure sounds like it, doesn’t it…
I have pledged not to have sex until I am married, and yes at times I am tempted, but who isn’t? Even Jesus was tempted in every way!
I think it depends on the person and how much self-control they have and also how much respect they have for themselves to know that they are worth the wait!
It all depends on if you put yourself in a situation of temptation. I don’t care who you are or what you pledge, if you put yourself in front of temptation and TEMPT temptaion, there is a good chance you will loose. Those who are SERIOUS about that pledge, YES, it does work.
When I see photos of nine and ten year old little girls at purity balls, signing contracts and making pledges, I think that’s worthless. They’re still children; they probably still think boys have cooties and have no understanding of what they’re doing or how teenage hormones will affect them in a few years. I’m sure it just adds to the guilt they’ll feel if they break their pledge. On the other hand, for those who are teens and older who make a personal, private commitment, I think it’s of great worth. It’s important to understand what you’re committing to or your vow is worthless.
i think ultimately the pledge izzan elitist attempt by fathers to xzert power & kontrol over daughterz makin virginity sumthim sik instedda wat it iz a phaze we go thru in lyfe why not maka pledge to remain in the womb orra pledge to stay in kindergartin or or or virginity iz for the jonas brotherz & they can keep it btw i remained a virgin until i wuz 22 & it sukd no pun intendid i pledge i wont EVER do thatta gen
in some cases, yes. it really all depends on how much it means to the person who is pledging.
i think when ppl so young make discision that are to big they shouldn’t make them without being educated and support, unfortunately if you look in to it you’ll find that these kids were less supported and educated than their counterparts
I wouldn’t say it’s completely ineffective…depends on the person.
Yes, I think virginity pledges by themselves can often be ineffective.
people are ineffective in keeping their promises. I’m sure there are a lot of people are have pledged to keep their virginity and still have. On the other hand, some people might underestimate their desires.
I’m going to have to agree with the masses and say that it depends on the person and their will power. All promises or pledges are only as good as the will power of the person doing the promising or pledging.
With that said, I find those purity and abstinence programs hilarious.
I think it has to do with the reason for pledging.
A lot pledge because of a religious obligation; they feel they must abstain until marriage until they are married because they are a christian. They pledge without really believing what they are promising.
Some pledge because they honestly believe sex should wait until marriage; whether they believe it because of the bible or religion, or because of another reason. I’m part of this second category, and it’s worked for me so far. :]
Signing a piece of paper or wearing a piece of jewelry (a modern day phylactery?) is ineffective. Making a real personal commitment is very effective. Unfortunately, we adults tend to think we’re not actually accomplishing something unless we have verifiable numbers, thus we focus on those worthless pieces of paper, not teaching and mentoring young people long term.
I think it depends on the person. I think the kids taking the virginity pledges are less likely to talk to their parents or anyone else about safe sex practices than anything else. They are probably more likely to feel judged if they do ask about it so they don’t.
I’ve never taken a “pledge,” but I plan on remaining a virgin until marriage.
I think it depends on the person and the reason they take the pledge.
Right, virginitiy pledges are ineffective.
By the way, these posts are totally predictable. I saw that story in the paper and logged on just to see this post about it.
For some people they are. I’m not saying that promise rings and virginity pledges are “bad things,” cause they’re not, but this whole Disney bandwagon thing where all these teen stars are declaring them virgins until marriage is a little ridiculous. I’m sure some of them truly want to stay virgins until they’re married, but some of them are probably doing this just because their Disney friends are.
I think it’s a bit of a silly practice, honestly, and I don’t care who that insults. If you’re gonna stay a virgin, fine, and I think it’s important people aren’t made to feel ashamed of that, but honestly; if you feel the need to declare to the world then I think you need to analyze your priorities. It’s a personal decision, between you and yourself; god, your youtube, your churchgroup, your school and most of all your parents shouldn’t be involved.
I’m staying a virgin until marriage… and while yes, I’m a Christian, my reasoning is more along the lines of fear of pregnancy. XD
apparently
I also believe it depends on the person. It seems to me that there is at least one other factor, that being the support these kids have following their pledge. If they are surrounded by friends who are like-minded on the subject, it certainly will be easier for them to stick to their pledge.
I agree with Grampy that the pledge is upheld much more easily if they don’t place themselves in a position of being tempted. Play with fire and you will eventually get burned. Don’t play with fire and you won’t.
It really depends on the person who is taking the pledge. There will be temptations and those teenage hormones don’t help matters one bit.
I didn’t make a pledge to remain a virgin until I was married but I did indeed wait until I was married. I got married less than three months past my 18th birthday so it wasn’t a very long wait. I married in January 1997 and found out I was pregnant with my son In April 1997.
Depends on the person.
I really do think they are ineffective, because eventually, anyone can find reasons to break them. I said I was going to be abstinent and got a bracelet in highschool and my highschool boyfriend did too. When I went to college, I broke up with that boyfriend and threw out the bracelet. I realised that the real reason I got the bracelet in the first place was because I did not want to have sex with my then-boyfriend and I wanted to stay abstinent through highschool! I overestimated the chances of pregnancy, like many abstinent people do, and that kept me motivated. But I realised that if you use condoms PROPERLY(not just the fit but proper lubrication and such) every time, you will not get pregnant. (I know I know, I have heard the horror stories of people on birth control and using condoms who still got pregnant, but obviously they were not using one of their contraceptives properly or it would not have happened. When you choose to have sex, you take on that risk and responsibility and you have to accept the consequences.)
I do not regret my decision for a second, though of course I still respect those people who choose to remain abstinent. I just decided that was not for me. Granted I am NOT promiscuous and have only ever been with one person and that is the only one I plan to be with, and I think that is just as good if not better than abstinence. It wasn’t that my “desires” got the best of me randomly because I am not some “lusty” girl, but I just decided to change after highschool – who doesn’t do that?
But the thing is, if you want to be abstinent, don’t make such a big deal about it. Don’t make a pledge, don’t brag about it to your friends, or advertise it to the world. It is a personal decision, regardless of your reasoning. I decided that no, True Love does not always need to wait, and it was very rude for me to proclaim that to the world anyway. That may be one person’s decision, but they do not need to preach it to the world. If you choose to be abstinent because you saw someone’s jewelry said “true love waits” and you want your relationship to be true love so you wait, it is NO guarantee that your relationship will be successful. Keep the world out of your decision; it is between you and your partner only.
I disagree with the above in stating that if you keep from being tempted, then you won’t break your pledge. Taking pledges is not about avoidance, it is about a promise to yourself – your morality so to speak. Morals are not escape or avoidance, it is upholding your values in the face of temptation. When you want to quit something, you do not avoid what you are trying to quit, because once you come in contact with it again, you will be tempted once more. You have to overcome the temptation period. And I think people can overcome sexual temptation regardless of whether they are abstinent or not. For example, just because someone is not abstinent does not mean they will never be in a tempting situation that they must overcome. People cannot have sex all the time because of menstrual cycles, most fertile days that they want to avoid, arguments, just “not being in the mood”, or if they are tempted by someone other than their partner, etc. It might make it easier while you are avoiding, but you will not know how to handle it when you are faced with such a situation if you just avoid. And that’s my 2 cents.(and what we talked about for sooo long in an ethics course a year ago that I just had to share, lol)
Pledges can be effective, but it all depend on the person’s will to sustain it.
Personally, I have not taken a virginity pledge, but I’m still a virgin. I’m almost 20 now, and of course I’ve had urges, but I told myself that I would wait until I get married with that one special girl (it might sound corny, but it’s true haha).
I’m gonna have to agree with a few of the above- if you take that pledge, you’re going to think you’re not going to have sex. You’ll then find yourself in a moment that’s full of horny passion and oops! No condoms on hand. Only a ring. (And that’s not going to help much.) Oh well.
Depends on the person pledging… and depends on if the person pledging is doing it because THEY want to, not because they are being pressured.
Yes. I do not begrudge an INDIVIDUAL the right to make his own pledge. But I certainly do not support the forcing of such a pledge onto an adolescent by threatening parents & church community. It should be a personal, private pledge.
virginity pledges and all that other bullshit is just a way for religious authorities [ to attempt ] to curb sexual appetites by avoiding and ignoring sex , yet in the end , kids don’t know anything about std’s / sti’s , pregnancy , or protection … and then we are left with a bunch of catholic school kids with itchy spots between their legs …
That’s interesting.
But I have to agree with @Millsanicole, I think it depends on who pledges.
it depends on the person who pledges.
If they’re easily tempted, then they can break their promise.
but it seems as though the facts aren’t in their favor <_<
Do you have a link to this study?
- John
Virginity pledges aren’t about reducing teen sex. They are about advertizing teens’ religious identities. It is part of that larger culture war being waged by Bill O’Reilly and the Religious Right.
The study is fixed! Comparing those who would take a pledge with those who are “likely to delay having sex” is comparing two similar subgroups of teens. It slants the results. How about a study that compares the rates of sex in teens who take a virginity pledge with the rates of all teens? I think those results might show a difference.
Yeah, because I think alot of times, teens are pushed into this by parents or friends.
At least, that’s my experience with it. Of all the people I know who took it, there’s only one who I expect to follow it through. He took the pledge for himself, knowing he wanted to wait until marriage. And he was 17 when he took it.
yes
The concept is ridiculous.
Especially at the age they’re trying to make these kids pledge; at the most rebellious stage! D=
I swear, people just don’t get that people will fuck. And no one will stop them.
So teens should be taking condom pledges? Possibly
I think it depends on the person.
Um yes? You can say what you want but that doesn’t direct your actions. I could take a pledge to never again drink milk but that doesn’t mean I’ll never again drink milk. Don’t make promises if you’re going to break them. I rarely make promises. Most people shouldn’t make them, really.
I think it just depends on the person.. I think that the reason that pledgers are more likely to have unprotected sex is because they are more likely to have sex with only that “special” one and find it less important to wear a condom than it would be if they were having random sex.
Statistically speaking, no, virginity pledges do not work. They are simply another way of teaching abstinence. Remember, if you do not educate children on things such as STD’s and how easy it is for most teenagers to get pregnant, you get teens with STDs who are pregnant. If you leave people in the dark about something, you essentially give them a hall pass for ignorance. I don’t know about Rosenbaum’s methods for this study, but as I understand it, this idea has been pretty well established for awhile.
it’s really not fair to make that assumption about everyone. it decides on who’s making that pledge and what exactly the pledge means to them. i never told myself that i would wait until i was married…in my eyes that just wasn’t realistic.i told myself that i would wait until i ready and save it for someone who deserves it. some people’s parents give them the ring, for anyone who’s watched “Secret Life of the American Teenager,” would know that if you’re raised in a certain home you’re expected to do certain things. if you can hold yourself to that standard, then good for you.
@XfantomcatX - Yes, but if you are always putting yourself in situation were you are tempted to be either sexually aroused or just simply flirted, there is a much greater chance you will give in to the temptation. Think is, abstinance and purity isn’t about not getting pregneant, it’s about keeping pure for your future husband or wife. If your reason is to honor God and keep yourself pure for your future spouse,and not just to keep from getting pregneant, it puts a whole new light on things.
On the temptation thing, why would a recovering alcoholic go into a bar? Why purposely subject yourself to a weakness. It’s the same with sex. When you can’t get away from temptation in a certain instance, then thats when you put your thoughts on that commitment and block out the temptation to have sex. The mind can be an asset as much as it can be an enemy.
I’m guessing you were refering to my comment is why I’m replying to you. I don’t normally read all the comments, but just happened to see your and thought maybe you were replying to my comment.
Pledges are only as effective as the sincerity of the decision. People fail……the come back is what counts.
Nope. I know first hand.
Depends on the person. Really. People can’t predict what they are or are not going to in the next few years when the teenage body takes control.
Yes, as in any pledge if you do not surround yourself with people who will hepl you to uphold it.
An alcoholic who takes a pledge to stop drinking and yet hangs around with the same friends and same people they used to drink with will likely fail in their pledge.
When a person takes a pledge, that doesn’t mean they suddenly have this magic power over whatever they pledged not to do. They have to make radical changes in their lives. If you take a pledge to remain a virgin until marriage, hang around people who will support that and, if you are going to date, date a person who will respect and uphold that pledge and will not constantly seek ways around it through any means. Taking a pledge of virginity does not mean one has to compromise their pledge by circumnavigating around the whole “virginity” issue through oral and anal sex. That’s a slippery slope that will ultimately lead to breaking your vow.
it depends on the person pledging. i know a lot of people whose parents seem like they made these pledges for them. when someone doesn’t want to dissapoint people, they tend to hide their sex life from them. they don’t ask for condoms or a trip to the gyn. because they dont want to shatter their parents’ illusion of them as a pure lets-wait-for-marriage virgin.
i am still a virgin, not by circumstance, but by choice. i plan to stay that way, because i’m worth it!
No idea.
sweet, is yahoo your homepage too?
It always comes down to the person.
Your post just proved that it was.
A friend of mine told me she was keeping her virginity until she got married. That was when she didn’t have a boyfriend. Two months after her relationship with a guy she had sex with him. I couldn’t believe it.
I have made a pledge to not have sex until I get married, and I am going to keep it. I know I will.
So like many have previously said, it depends on the person.
The idea that waiting until marriage so that you can have your crazy sex life then, with your infinitely small knowledge of sex, is retarded. Just because sex is a natural urge does not mean that you will have any idea of what to do when it happens, especially not after the words of your wedding vows.
It depends on the person. If I swear ‘on my honor’ for anything, you can count on me to do it, no matter what. If not, it depends on the circumstances. If it negatively effects me more to keep the promise than it negatively effects the other person for me to break it, then I don’t feel bound by it.
But this is just me. I haven’t made a virginity pledge, and I’m not going to. I feel that a virginity pledge is something that you make to yourself, because you want it. Even if you are doing this for religious reasons, the pledge must be because you want it, or it is meaningless. I don’t feel the need to make one. I’m not religious, and I don’t see sex as a bad thing, a dirty thing, or something used solely for reproductive purposes.
It is–or should be–a very intimate and loving act. Therefore, I wouldn’t have sex with someone I didn’t care enough about to want to marry. If I decide to, I do; if not, I don’t. It’s as simple as that.
I think if the pledge is done for peer pressure (“Everyone eles in my church youth group did it”) reasons rather than a true conviction the pledge will fade away as a motivator.
Not exactly. Thanks to the liberal media machine and all the garbage they are introducing children to at an earlier age in school, it is becoming more difficult to maintain positive control on the situation. My concern is not exactly the crap that plays on the TV as it is the commercials for all the shows that come on after 9 p.m. My kids have seen more racy garbage that way than if I just watched some trash right in front of them. It’s that little glimpse that creates the spark to start the fire.
It depends on the person, but the act of making a pledge (and signing something or wearing something) is worthless if the person isn’t actually committed to whatever they’re promising, anyway.
It was for me. But then again, when I made mine I don’t think I was being serious at all about it.
Pledge doesn’t really matter because it’s all up to the person. If you are not going to do it anyway, you don’t need one. If you are going to do it anyway, you don’t need to make a liar out of yourself on top of it, and you might as well go learn about contraception.
@Ancient_Scribe - Excellent answer as usual.
Inneffective and just one more way to get around teaching teens what they really need to know about sex.
Also, anyone who has to take a pledge to stay a virgin clearly need to re-evaluate themselves.
i think it all has to do with their reason for pledging and the person pledging.
Depends on the person, their dedication, motivation and overall reason for taking the pledge.
Yes.
Obviously. A lot of people just make them to keep their parents off their backs.
*shrugs* Sometimes.
its not the pledges that are flawed its the kids… simply put the people that are willing to take these pledges aren’t as knowledgeable as they should be on sex education, their fear provokes them to sign this pledge, their lack of education causes them to make dumb decisions when it finally comes to sex.
this isn’t true for everyone, in schools where the education is non biases when it comes to sex and provides a thorough understanding of all related material, the people should do fine as has been seen in previous research.
so get these kids out of pointless pledge programs and into education programs that lack bias in any direction.
unilateral sex education is the only way people are going to learn the true dangers and rewards of sex these days, especially with todays parents being far to scared or uneducated to do it themselves.
well the idea of the pledge is that ull loose your virginity when you getr married, so therefore there’ll be no use of a condom.
Making a pledge is simply an attempt to conform to the morals of that person’s community or circle, religious or otherwise. I believe the attempt to conform creates this restriction on free will and thought that cause, to some degree, unhappiness. And in the pursuit of happiness, pressure is placed on this restriction (ie. the pledge), making it more likely to be challenged or even broken.
While non-pledgers go about their lives unrestricted, they go about it livelier, happier, and more likely to succeed without having the need to conform to any moral obligations.
So, ultimately depends on the person.
I have stayed true to mine for 25 years and I intend to keep it that way until I’m married
Nothing is effective without work and faithfulness behind it. I can say I don’t want to have sex but there’s alot of work behind that statement. There’s a huge commitment and a large amount of faithfulness to that. So if kids just say they aren’t going to have sex with nothing behind it….it’s definitely ineffective.
@UnworthyofHisgrace - I’m not saying to purposely put yourself in tempting circumstance, but I am saying that you should not have abstinence as just avoidance of temptation when it is really about keeping yourself pure even in the face of temptation. I would never tell an alcoholic to go into a bar because they have a PROBLEM with alcohol and DO need to avoid it – that is not a moral issue, it is a medical issue because alcoholism is a disease. Abstinence is in most cases a moral issue (staying pure for themself or God) not about avoiding pregnancy(I never said that). I was always discussing abstinence as keeping pure, not avoiding pregnancy. If it was only about avoiding pregnancy, then yes, avoiding temptation at all costs is definitely the case.
Can you really praise yourself for keeping pure if all you did was just avoid being tempted? That’s all I was saying. 
Yep. If you’re actually secure in your personal pledge, there’s no need for the pageantry of having other people think you’re so perfect and pure. If you’re looking to surround yourself with likeminded people, then I understand. But in most cases I’ve encountered, “pledgers” put themselves up on a pedestal to condemn those who are actually getting some and aren’t so tightly wound.
That said, I’ve got nothing against abstinence.
Perhaps Jocelyn Elders could have been the savior for teens of our time???
Maybe the pledgers don’t use birth control because they’d have to carry it around and doing so would contradict the pledge (by demonstrating intent or even an openness to the possibility of what could come…) and stopping “at the moment” to grab/buy some protection would give the moment of reflection that they couldn’t later deny… So they have to forego the protection because in using it they would be diming out themselves…
@Monastro - What in the world are you talking about? That’s how you’re SUPPOSED to run experiments and studies. Of course comparing them to normal teens is going to show that regular teens are more likely to have sex. Using a group “also likely to delay having sex” but not pledged: they’re called the control.
We’re testing for the effect of making a virginity pledge vs. not making one. If you tested a new cancer drug you would compare one group of cancer patients who got drugs and one group with cancer who did not (only placebos) then see who gets better. You wouldn’t compare the drug group to the rest of the population.
The answers are so bloody predictable. Non religious ppl know that abstinence only education does not work and makes ppl LESS likely to practice safe sex when they give in, so this article is nothing more than a “Duh!” moment.
Religious people follow ideology not reality, so this article won’t make a lick of difference in how they regard the aforementioned practices.
So I’m off to crash one of those twisted, borderline-incestual purity balls. Who’s with me?
yes.
PS – I didn’t really answer the real question because we can always be surprised by what fate or God puts before us. A pledge can be a roadmap; it just might not be an accurate predictor of yoru destination!
YAY SEX!
The pledge is upheld by the pledger. If the pledger chooses to go against their pledge, it’s ineffective. If they choose to uphold it, it’s effective.
It only works if the teen making the pledge really believes it’s the best way to go. If they’re just doing it because they’re supposed to or whatever then it won’t work.
This is no new study. In 2005, a study showed they’re 6 times as likely to have an STD than those who don’t pledge.
I think it absolutely depends on the people making the pledge… I also understand why those pledgers are more likely to have sex without a condom – considering they are SO in love and all that. You know what I mean.
@XfantomcatX - I understand what you are saying, I just think when you know you will be tempted to do something sexual just don’t even put yourself in that situation.There will be plenty of times when something just happens and the temptation jumps you when you never saw it coming. Thats all I’m saying.
On the being abstaining so you won’t get pregneant, I just through that in because so many seem to look at it that way. I’ve even said things like, “When used as birth control, abstainance works 100% of the time.” I don’t mean to be implying myself that that is why someone should abstain from sex before marriage, but some look at it as thats why they teach abstainance.
I could tell that just by seeing the kids in our church. Seriously, a lot depends on the character. It goes beyond sexuality; it’s about keeping a vow. A lot of kids are just as good on their virginity pledge as they are paying off their student loans.
Don’t ask me, you know I am the wrong person to ask.
@stalkdebbie - 21? And still a virgin? I would ask you how is your ass but since you are still a virgin at 21 something is clearly horribly wrong with you. You think things are fine but I am sure there is a long trail of men who ran away from your dysfunction behind you.
I can help, but you have to really be sincere in your desire to receive what I offer.
@i93 - HAHAHAHHAHAHA!
it depends if they take it seriously or not.
if they make it, but feel there is nothing wrong with premarital sex/oral sex, then they will not end up sticking to it.
i dont think the waititing until married value is in our generation nymore, just as divorce is no longer taboo. I think they should pledge to have safe sex, whenever they choose to have it, and use protection and get tested often. People no longer take into account the std’s and seriousness of catching hiv. no concept of death at all.
@ihaveanalibi - agreed.
I pledge not to be a human being.
Virginity pledges are dumb.
Oh, goodness. The fact that pledgers are more likely to have unprotected sex is not surprising at all. If one makes a pledge of virginity, chances are they won’t be toting protection or contraceptives in their backpack. I imagine that most fornication perfomed by pledgers is an accidental slip of the heart, if you will … a sort of crime of passion. I doubt they expect it to happen. They haven’t the will power (which is nobody’s fault but theirs) and allow themselves to be put in vulnerable situations without the slightest clue as to where the night will lead.
Yes.
It depends. But in my opinion, as the article said, I don’t think it matters whether they ‘pledge’ or not. Shit happens.
Pledges are ineffective. If you want to stay a virgin, do it for yourself and for no one else. Some card with your name on it won’t change anything.
Abstinence-only education has done very little to empower young men and women to make wise choices. In the end, many give in and decide to have sex, but they are mis/uninformed about safe sex practices, which leads to the insane spread of STDs. The reason is because they are planning not to have sex, so they do not inform themselves on safe sex practices or have condoms on hand, whereas someone open to the possibility of sex will be more prepared to do it safely.
I think the virginity pledges only serve to make you feel like a piece of crap if you change your mind.
I think some people like to do things merely because it’s trendy or celebrity endorsed.
I made a pledge to keep my virginity as an 11th grader…and I kept it. I kept it for myself and for my love for God and (at the time) for the future love I would have for my husband.
I think it has to do with the person making the pledge and for what reason. I also think that parental support helps, and also making the pledge that truly has a conviction about why they are doing it.
Any kind of flaky pledge is worthless. If they don’t have the tools and instruction in how to keep themselves out of such situations where they would break it and, again, support from their family, they probably won’t keep it.
I married a virgin 14 years ago, and we’re happily married with 4 kids.
Sex is great, but it’s also great to know your wife hasn’t slept around. I now feel guilty that I wasn’t a virgin.
I’d previously read that such pledges lose any effectiveness after something like 30% or more of the girls make them.
I’m not comfy with calling sexually active young women ‘sluts’, and there’s no such negative (himbo? ha!) word for guys, but there’s something attractive about being your wife’s only lover. Don’t know how to help more girls make the choice to wait until they get married.
It would really depend on the person pledging. In my case, being forced to make a pledge was completely ineffective.
I think it has to do with the person taking the pledge. If they are serious enough about it, and devoted to their morals enough, then I think it can be effective. But at the same time, just sticking a ring on a kid’s finger and making them repeat a few words isn’t going to stop them from having sex. There needs to be a comprehensive program to back it up, to say “Look, here are the consequences of sex.”
It depends on the level of commitment. If you are pledging just because you are bitter that you haven’t gotten laid in however long (like I was, at first), then of course you are going to lose it quicker than anyone. Should the opportunity arise.
However, if you are genuine about your pledge, say a rape victim, then I think the pledge can hold firm.
It’s all about the commitment a person is willing to make.
I think it just depends on whether or not they wanted to pledge or if they were made….to pledge….
Of course they’re ineffective. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t stop right when I’m about to have sex and say,
“OMG I FORGOT I HAVE THIS PURITY RING.”
And besides, the statistics show that people who take purity pledges are even more moronic about having sex, because they think they won’t ever do it before they get married and don’t use protection.
Lulz at that. Sucks to be them!
You can’t lump everyone into a statistic. Even if these people do choose to have unprotected sex. You also can’t blame it on religion…Especially since education on birth control and contraceptives are very much available. When you knowingly take a risk, you can’t blame it on ignorance or lack of education. Do we really know every single person and the extent of their intelligence on the matter? They do because they do. Each person has their own reasoning, even if the reasoning makes very little sense. All that one could hope is that they learn from their mistakes.
It depends on the person. I made a pledge but I sure as hell didn’t stick to it. Do I regret it? Depends on the day. With the guy I lost my virginity to in a way because he keeps coming back wanting it and I’m getting really sick of it. When it comes to my respect for myself as a person and what I’ve done? no. I don’t regret it. I’m glad I didn’t stay with my pledge.
But that’s just me personally. My best friend made a pledge and sticks to it religiously and that’s what’s important to her. It boils down to that specific person and nothing else. Pledges mean nothing unless you are willing to completely 100% commit to it and stick by it. If you’re not 100% then you most likely will not keep it.
Granted, there are exceptions to this.
haha. I read about that.
Who are these teens doing it for exactly? Themselves or for the ears of their worried parents?
I think the motive behind making a pledge like that is a very important factor. I’ve had a few friends who made a virginity pledge b/c they wanted to be good for their parents, and the pledge didn’t do any good in the end. I made mine b/c I believed that I should commit my heart, soul, and body to God until he provided the man I was to marry…. it worked for me!
I amm confused. Virginity pledgers still have sex?
I think most pledgers never really think that they’ll actually be tempted to have sex, so they don’t plan on the opportunity, in case it happens. Some think that by purchasing condoms or taking birth control will be the okay to have pre-marital sex. For some, they think if they don’t have the birth control and safety items–it will keep them from having sex in the heat of the moment. I do think that safe sex practices should be taught though and parents should actually get off their butt and discuss this with their children—and girls should not be considered women at 15!
I do think it is possible to keep a pledge as such, but I don’t think it’s necessary to have a special ring for it. My husband and I didn’t have rings and we made it a specific ground rule that we would not have sex before marriage. Thankfully, we were strong enough for each other that we did not before we married.
not only are they ineffective, but they are a joke!
who would want to abstain from something as great as sex?!
I think it depends on the person pledging
personally, I don’t need to pledge
I know I’m staying a virgin till i marry
When I was 15, I vowed to not have sex until marriage. Two months before my 16th birthday I signed a piece of paper, saying I would remain abstinent until I found true love. Three days before my 16th birthday I met, someone I thought I’d be with forever. Two months after I met him, I lost my virginity to him. I’m 17 now and regret all of it…That piece of paper was ripped up and thrown away.
I think virginity pledges are often pressure based. I hope that if people make that decision it is for themselves rather than parental paranoia. The other thing to consider, not everyone who has sex is a bad person. Sex doesn’t equate valuelessness or stupidity or pregnancy. Sometimes people who don’t stay virgins are just as well adjusted if not more so than other people.
@Kristenmomof3 -
He better have given her oral sex too then!
Religously pressured virginity pledges are pretty worthless as well as unfair. If you’re gonna make some kind of promise to yourself, do it because its something you were thinking about on your own, not because some bible thumpers tried to beat it into your young head that their way was the only right way.
It depends on the person!! I pledged when I was 9years old and now 13 years later I am still a virgin. My younger sis on the other hand, gave abstinence talks all through high school, only to lose her virginity her first year of college.
@stalkdebbie - hahah cheers! same here .. 21 and strong
@Millsanicole - Exactly.
I’m 18 and have decided to keep my virginity until marriage. I have not made an “official” pledge, besides to myself.
I remember taking the pledge, but just barely. I don’t remember how old I was or where I took it, which I suppose just goes to show how much it has really affected me. I never thought twice about it, and had completely fogotten about it until this blog.
These days children are handed permission slip after permission slip, form after form, signature after signature, and the binding power of these documents is just completely lost, from a pysocological standpoint.
Plus, you have to take in to perspective that the effectiveness of these pledges is all based on the child’s own regard to authority and giving their word. How reliable is that?
In school, we pledge to honour the school and everything else as well–the toilet is full of graffiti, something always seems to be broken, and someone is always sitting outside the principal’s office. Gee, pledges are as effective as the claims in chain e-mails to destroy you if you don’t forward.
How ironic is this? I just found out that tonight, one of my best friends from high school [we still keep in touch], just recently lost her virginity this month [we're both 19, she's turning 20 next month]. We both went to one of those Southern Fundamentalist Baptist private high schools where we signed pledges to keep our virginity intact until marriage. I didn’t sign because in my mind, I believe that sex should be saved with the right person at the right time. Marriage doesn’t automatically constitute that to me.
So she signed it & even pledged in front of the church she would be a virgin until her wedding night. Her & her recent boyfriend didn’t use condoms or any form of prophylactics, either. They’ve had intercourse four times so far: three times without protection & one with, but the condom broke. I don’t know how she’s not pregnant. God bless her, huh?
So far, every one [usually females] I know that has made the vow to stay a virgin until marriage has broken it. I started off saying that I would do the same, but it felt weird to me to be putting a timestamp on when I would lose my virginity…& this is around the age of 12 or 13. Usually at that age, you’re caught up in the hype of doing that because it’s the “right thing to do”. I never believed that. So from that, I just said it would be at the right time with the right person in the right place.
The funny thing is, I’m still a virgin & I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years now. We’re waiting for the right time. He says that’s our wedding night & I’m still staying steadfast with my notion. If that’s our wedding night, then so be it. If not, then so be it. [Note: He's not one of those people who made a type of vow, either. It's just his personal preference.]
As for your question, I agree with many people saying that it’s up to the person pledging. I know many people who’ve made the “virginity vow” that have stayed true to it & will stay true to it. It’s just all up to them.
@benjimau5 - ha! nobody ever dared, seriously
@foolishmistakeZ - nice nice
most times id be more positive, but i’m living proof that it didn’t work out so well. umm yeah.
Only to those who don’t keep them.
I took a bible study with an option of taking a purity pledge. I never signed anything or spoke out a pledge to wait until marriage but in my heart I have. I’m 18 and I have no plans for having sex before I’m married… that just isn’t an option to me. I pray that God will be strong in my weakness and guide me always. I don’t have any idea if I’ll get married but I’m pretty sure I’ll have an awesome sex life if I do
I think the virginity pledge is only as effective as the person making it. It will only stick if the person is truly committed to stay true to it. I think people who pledge to remain virgins are less likely to use protection when they break the pledge because the person they’re sharing themselves with is someone they love and plan to marry. In order for them to break their pledge there have to be some strong feelings other than lust that cause them to make that choice. I say this because most people don’t make the pledge without actually planning on keeping it and for them to break it means they’ve found someone worthy of their special gift.
i made a pledge. i didn’t keep it. hormones control your mind more when its in the moment
here it is. virginity pledged are bullshit. what they do is give you abstinence talks scare you into thinking if you have sex you WILL get an std or pregnant, then hand you a card asking you to sign it and say you are going to wait. to some that card will mean something but really no one cares about a card that you signed. its up to you and what you really think would be. i couldve signed the card but by then i wasn’t a virgin i lost it when i was 14, they start sex ed so early in your age that you begin to learn and get curious really, i think they should wait until you are about 13 or 14 to know about sex not when you are 8. its okay to have a puberty talk i mean you are going to wonder but sex should be in the conversation. its to big to comprehend at such an early age, then after that you get one twice a year which in state mean you wont listen after awhile its just pushed on you to the point where are like yeah yeah i know, but you usually say that when you dont want to listen and dont really care.
@denigma21 - A control group is supposed to be as similar to the group being tested as possible but not exposed to the experimental variable, in this case the virginity pledge. The control group in this study has not taken such a pledge but has indicated that they are not going to have sex any time soon. Making such a statement has an effect that is so similar to taking the pledge that these people cannot be considered a real control group. This “study” is a fraud.
delays the inevitable. ahahha
No, It’s just like new years resolutions. I don’t think it changes what you would have done (or not done) in the first place.
Also, who’s bright idea was it to try to override the biological imperative with a little promise? That’s what years of guilt and brainwashing are for. Seriously though, abstinence-only sex education is useless, misleading, and harmful.
i think they’re not completely ineffective. especially since that study compared kids who pledged verses kids who didn’t pledge but who fit into the survey-ers depiction of people who could potentially make that pledge. that’s sort of like comparing kids who say they don’t drink to kids who probably won’t drink and being surprised that the numbers are similar (first decent comparison. my point stands)….
i feel that the people pledging are ultimately the ones who decide if it’s effective or not. obviously someone who has made a deeply personal commitment to refrain from sex is a lot more likely to keep that pledge than someone who signed a piece of paper cuz everyone else was doing it or because their parents made them.
There is more to abstinence than just a pledge. The promise to do something is powerless unless you can fortify that with resolve, discipline, and support. Personally, when people believe that abstinence is really the best and love God more than their own sensuality, then people will abstain, not until then. It comes down to knowing God and being in His word. Many students today see little value in actually studying and, dare I say, memorizing, Scripture. They go into a sword fight with John 3:16 and that’s it and expect to win battles.
The tongue will say one thing, the loin will say another.
As a bio and psych student…the study is flawed in too many ways to prove anything. They’re comparing people who’d pledge virginity with people that already wants to delay sex. So obviously they’re just as likely to have sex. What about comparing them to the general population? What about comparing those who want to delay sex versus those who aren’t having sex but feels indifferent about it?
As for the safe sex part, people who are expecting to have sex would always carry condoms…and people that aren’t expecting it (because they expect to be virgins)..well.. aren’t gonna carry any…
DUH.
gang oaths
pledge of allegiance
wedding vows
legal contracts
People wear tattoos, jewelry, uniforms, hair styles, and sign paperwork to make a pledge that many times they retract. The bigger question is if ANY PLEDGES are ineffective. With that macro question, you have your micro answer.
@IXOYE_AD - I read this comment and I had to stop and reply. The way you phrased your comment was quite insulting. I do not know if you meant it to come out that way. But to say that someone who is sexually active has no respect for themselves. This again a perception of the individual because there are a number of ways that one can be “self-destructive” and be considered to have “no respect” for themselves such as cutting and drug abuse (destroying one’s body).
However in your argument you state that sexuality has a place and a time. You want to make a commitment to your partner- and to share all of yourself with one person. This is admirable but it does not make it any better or worse than another’s choice to be sexually active. Humans can be no better or worse than anyone else granted we all have our strengths and weaknesses but that makes us unique. However, to say that one is better in a particular field does not make them superior or inferior to anyone else.
Sexuality can be driven by hedonism (heat of the moment; hormones) but can also be driven by a longing to be closer to your partner (whether you are married or not). I think one can have respect for themselves when they are acting to build up their self esteem and take care of themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually(in tune with oneself, have a purpose[does not mean be christian]). I agree that friends with benefits can be very destructive to one’s self esteem but to be in a closed, long term, unmarried relationship can still be beneficial.
I think that marriage is a big step and that you really need to know that person on every level including their sexuality. Sex really does change how you relate to one another. Also, I think a lot of individuals fall in love with an idea of the person at the time but as they change a partner can become dillusioned leading to an unhappy marriage(can be mutually destructive).
It is interesting because in different religions sexuality is considered a sacred act in which one can commune with God. I recommend you read the Da Vinci Code. Also, in Judaism when two married individuals have sex it is a celebration and communication with God.
@Garistotle - I agree it really depends on your definition of abstinence that can lead you into that kind of situation i.e. kissing and outercourse. It is really interesting because I found out in my human sexuality class any form of sexual contact means not being abstinent. I never knew that I always assumed it was abstaining from oral, anal, and vaginal intercourse.
I think abstinence is an important part of sexual education, but should not be the only facet of the curriculum. Anyone can choose to be abstinent even after losing their virginity. I think that it may relieve some pressure to be sexually involved. A lot of teens feel pressured and feel to be a part of the group that have to be sexually active too but in high school there is a higher proportion of teens, who are still not sexually active.
The reason why abstinence pledges may cause teens to not use contraceptives is they are taught that having a contraceptive is considering actually having sex. That is the reason why the Catholic Church does not condone condoms and why many parents do not want their children exposed to sex ed. If they talk about it will make them (teens) want to have sex.
Many abstinence programs look to discourage teens from having sex by giving faulty failure rates saying condoms break “30% of the time.” That is rediculous if you use condoms correctly and consistently they are 97% effective but abstinence (abstaining from anal, oral, and vaginal intercourse) is the best method!
@Kristenmomof3 - I understand fully a lot of individuals including President Clinton believe oral sex is not sexual contact. Many people construct this theory of abstinence because you cannot get pregnant. However you can get an STD- also from kissing is that amazing?
@ikissedtheboy - not only are they ineffective, but they are a joke!
who would want to abstain from something as great as sex?!
I dunno,…people who have been traumatized by watching a rape-murder as a child? People who have contracted AIDS? Normal people who have only seen other people get into trouble because of it? (cheating/divorce, prostitution stings, abusive partner…)
Also, I see people pointing fingers back and forth: liberals blame conservatives for “abstinence only” making our kids irresponsible, and conservatives blame liberals for “over-sexing” our kids.
Both are wrong! You can educate all you want, people are going to get an urge to do something if they want to do something. Hand out all the condoms and clean needles you want, people will still be too focused on getting off or high to take precautions.
People say “ignorant” instead of “unedurant” for a reason. (on a side note, I know a handful of religious people who think in the butt or mouth don’t count)
Extremely ineffective. You can try and coherse a kid into abstaining as much as you want, but unless it’s what THEY want, it’s never going to happen.
My kids will be educated about sex and aware of the consequences of sex. I’ll also make sure birthcontrol methods are readily available for them, and that they always know they can come to me and talk about it- without judgement. The rest is up to them, and I hope I can raise intelligent enough kids to make the right choices for themselves. That’s about all we can do as parents. But I surely won’t stick my head in the sand and refuse to believe they’re having sex because of some silly virginity pledge.
It all depends on the person, really. Also, notice how young most kids/teens are when they take the pledge (i’ve seen documentaries on tv where they encourage kids as young as 8, 9, 10 years old to pledge to stay pure until marriage…i bet they don’t even know what that really means at that point either). They haven’t lived enough to form their own opinions and are just taking this pledge based on what others are preaching to them. Some of them might continue to believe that preaching, which is fine, but others begin to form their own opinions on things as they get older and experience life more. As these ideas and opinions form, they may realize that they no longer believe in what they thought they did, which is good because everyone is entitled to think for themselves. If they eventually believe that they don’t need to keep a pledge made years before when they were younger, thats their choice. If anything, making a pledge might make them feel guiltier when they finally do the deed than if they hadn’t pledged at all.
Ok not everybody beleives that they need to be married to have sex. When your ready to have sex your ready. When you love and care for someone it doesn’t matter if your married or not. No one can judge you for what decisions you make and no one has the right to judge you.
@jilleybean12 - Well first off that is my beliefs alone. I don’t really care if anyone agrees with them, not trying to be snotty, but that’s me, I’m not gonna change. Also a lot of time sexual promiscuity leads to self-distruction, so therefore if you have enough respect for your boyd which is God’s temple (1 Cor. 6:12-20) if you respect God and yourself you should remain pure till marriage. I did not mean to make it sound as if people are evil if they are sexually promiscuious and not married. I know people who are and yes, they are very nice.
Secondly, I will NEVER read the Da Vinci Code is makes a mockery of my faith and my beliefs, I curse that book!
Thirdly, Judaism doesn’t believe that sexual promiscuity is a sin, they believe that adultary is commited when you cheat on your spouse. That is not true. Jesus said that if you just look at someone with lust that you have already comited adultary in your heart. Judaism also believes that Jesus my Lord and Savior is just a good guy and not the true Messiah. So I don’t care what they think!
I’m almost 22 and I’m still a virgin!!! Praise the LORD! I made a commitment to God, to my parents, and to my future husband (whoever he is) to keep myself for my husband.
In the media-driven culture we live in, young girls (and boys for that matter) must make sure they don’t get caught up in the hype. It is so easy to get distracted and lose yourself. It hasn’t been easy for me, but God has kept me. And by the Grace of God, He will continue to keep and protect me in Jesus’ name!
Regardless of what a person does or where a person is, that person can make a commitment, a vow, to keep themselves. If they focus on God, they will be able to conquer whatever may come their way. God never puts more on us than we can bear!
Blessings
I highly recommend staying a virgin until you are married. That is what I did, and so did my wife. And let me tell you first hand that sex inside of marriage between two people that have never had it with anyone else is a beautiful thing.
To all of you who claim that it is impossible to remain a virgin due to biological urges- you are foolish and lack self control. I knew my wife for 8 years before we got married, went to high school with her, dated her twice, and was engaged for 5 months yet we never had sex or oral sex or any other type of sex until our wedding night because we both vowed that we would wait. One thing that helped was that we held off on kissing as long as possible. We didn’t even kiss until we had dated for 7 months, even though we both really really wanted to from day 1.
Now I don’t consider myself to be an amazing person, in fact I consider myself a pretty average person. I did it, and so can anyone else. Just have a little self-control and know that it will be worth it.
Everything I’ve read indicates that virginity pledges are largely ineffective as well as abstinence only programs. Apparently the more open parents+ being informed about sex/sexuality is the best way to guarentee that a first timer will practice safe sex and continue to be responsible.
I love my wife with all of my heart. I was a virgin when I got married and so was she. We gave each other everything. It was awesome. I am so thankful I get to spend the rest of my life with a person who waited for me.
Yes. Ineffective and ultimately damaging, if they go ahead and engage in sexual behaviours without protecting themselves.
@billgrip - That’s all fine and good, but I’m guessing that you were both fairly young. Is it realistic to expect your partner to be a virgin if you’re both in your 40s or 50s? And should you dump them if they’re not?
Love happens at any age; we don’t all get married right out of high school.
@Kristenmomof3 - LoL That’s hilarious.. XD Sorry she stopped talking to you though. But then again, can she really be considered be a friend if she stopped talking to you?
the “pledgers” probably only did it to put on a front for mom and dad…make them look like they’re not up to anything when they are
@Millsanicole - I agree.
I myself have taken a virginity pledge and wear a ring on my ring finger to signify it. Some of my friends have also taken the pledge, but it all depends on the person. Sadly, I don’t see some of my friends [although I pray I'm not right] who have taken the pledge sticking to it. The pledge means nothing, just like the ring, unless you mean it. A silly ring isn’t going to be some forcefield keeping me away from sex. My heart has to make that decision.
i don’t get how people choose to have sex during high school. it seems just not right to me. it’s like they don’t care about the consequences. even though some people practice “safe” sex, but i just think teens should not have sex at all. maybe you are going to think i am wired but that’s what i think.
I think it depends on the person. Sometimes, people could be forced into pledging by their parents so they don’t really mean it. Also, people who don’t make actual pledges could pledge things to themselves.
Perhaps. But I think they’re morally wrong. How capable is a junior high-age adolescent (that’s when they usually hit you with these things) of making Forever And Ever decisions about his or her life?
I didn’t make a virginity pledge.
I did however make a lifelong pledge to have fun.
It’s easier to keep.
In other news, not eating might make you starve.
It all depends on the person and why he/she chose to make this pledge.
yes!
Yes, because most “pledgers” tend to do it before they hit puberty and thus don’t know what it feels like to desire sex with someone and therefore (in my opinion anyway) don’t truly have the life experience to decide yes or no. Hey, I used to be one and yes, I broke my “promise.” Didn’t work in my case, and in most studies kids who take pledges, tend to actually have unsafe sex more frequently than those who didn’t, because they assume they’re always going to want to keep their pledge and thus don’t bother to learn about birth control.
What’s a Virginity pledge? I know I sound ignorant but I never really heard of it until now.
Dear Dan:
It should be pointed out that the “survey” was fundamentally flawed. The earliest statistics offered were seven years old (going back as far as thirteen years). Also, the group of alleged “pledgers” were only 1/3 the size of the interviewed non-pledgers. Additionally, this survey was conducted by an individual whose anti-abstinence bias had been made apparent earlier.
I’m not saying that no young people who’ve pledged abstinence have failed to keep to it. The cultural pressure to engage in sexual activity at ever younger ages has become immense. So has the cultural bias against Christian morality.
That so many young people have either resisted or attempted to resist the ”siren call” of an irresponsible lifestyle under such conditions is to their credit. What is needed is for decent citizens and parents to force the culture czars to end their assaults on our children’s hearts and minds. When kids are routinely exposed to vice (and even made party to depictions of it for their peers to see) then it’s little wonder that crime, corruption (and misery) is so common among them.
I can’t say. I have never met anyone who made this pledge before. My family and most of my cousin stay absence with out any pledge. Mainly because we are afraid of what our parents think of us. They have this idea good daughters should stay a virgin until we get marry. If not, we will loose their respect, our dignity, and credibility. Yeah, this is what make us Chinese. Our parents are old school.
Im not pledging to anything like that. I personally think it is silly