December 30, 2008
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Dear Dr. Datingish, Yes I Did Hit Her
She kept on nagging me about drinking and smoking.
She is always trying to change me.
Why are women always trying to change their man?
She kept on nagging me about drinking and smoking.
She is always trying to change me.
Why are women always trying to change their man?
Comments (174)
Cause we’re stupid. Damn.
i think women like a ‘fixer upper’?
Because it seems easier than admitting they’ve made a horrible mistake.
They always see some kind of flaw in us.
because somewhere along the line someone taught them they could change people.
Because certain women think they have a right to.
Oh, snap.
Hell, most of the women I pal around with drink and smoke just as much as I do.
Cause you can always be improved.
Teeheehee.
I have yet to figure this one out for myself. I’ll get back to you when I do, or you can tell me when you find the answer.
See, that’s why I never want to get married. I will get blamed for caring. Go figure…
I try to not change my man. We compromise a great deal since it makes living together easier, but changing? Nah.
@saintvi - oh my – so true!
Men are screwed up. Some need a little fixing.
Wow, some of these answers are…
Anyway. Women try to change their men because it’s in their mind that if they can change the man he will appreciate it and ultimately stay with them in the way that they want him to be. Hitting her is a little bit too much. Telling her that you don’t want to be changed is alright. In my opinion, much better than resorting to physical violence.
Because women don’t know what they want
Same reason men try to fix up perfectly good houses? I really don’t know.
We’re only trying to change you for the better! J/k.
It’s because they don’t want to accept the fact that they don’t actually like him as much as she used to and that their relationship if failing.
Someone needs to change you, right over the head, if you think hitting someone can be blamed on them.
This reminds me of an episode of Roseanne I saw a long time ago. Jackie and her were talking and Jackie says “Well you have Dan, he is a great guy. So its possible to find one.” Or something like that. And Roseanne looks at her and says “What, you think he came out of a box that way?!”
I dont agree 100% with that, but its all about seeing someone, and accepting their imperfections. People are going to change throughout their entire lives, and if you are with someone else and have a SO, then you will change together. And that other person will have an impact on how you change no matter what, whether they try to change you or not. What I am saying is, it isnt right to try and change a person – You should love that person for who they are; afterall thats why you’re with them right?
But its all about compromise and being the best person you can be
optimistic?
Depends on the man..
Because we can’t fix ourselves
if that is a blog regarding the other blog on datingish. because some guys don’t know when to stop, and the only thing a girl thinks of doing is nagging. cause we get tired of being nice. and regardless…no one should be hit fo rit. bad headline man!
Because women think they have some sort of psychological power over men…but you can’t change them.
I’m 23–and have already decided that there is no way that I can change my man–besides if I made him perfect–we wouldn’t have anything to argue about!–then life wouldn’t be near as fun with him!
sometimes change is for the better.
and guys try and change a woman too you know!
I think women try and change their man because they want to be remembered for being a good influence on their lives. I don’t think they want to be forgotten. Also, since they care for their men so much they hate to see him live a life of which they think is “wrong”.
First off, men find women and don’t want them to change. Women find men they want to change.
Any man who hits a woman needs to change. He’s an asshole.
Any woman who sticks around after being hit needs to change too.
cause we want the best for em
because woman think they can change him… when in reality the change has to come from him.
Although I do know a woman who changed her man… He was probably completely in love with her though… He went from cholo gangster to a sophisticated went back to school for a bachelors degree kinda guy.
He really loved her though and changed for her to keep her. Because she meant business when she said she’d leave him if he didn’t straighten up.
1. the woman is settling
2. if we succeed (well let’s face it if we think we did) we feel really good about ourselves
3. we like a challenge
4. it’s kind of romantic to hear him say “she made me who i am today”
5. we’re stupid
6. men suck
they always try to fix men so they can ignore the fact that they themselves need fixing too, but as long as they keep the spotlight on men, they can hide all their crazy and retarded flaws and keep it from being fixed…..females….scary!!! =P
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
No one should try to change anyone…only the person can change themselves…
And if you’re with them, you must accept them for what they are. If you don’t, you’re not with the right person.
@Lithium98 - Nothing…you already told her twice.
Because men are always WRONG.
Because they don’t always see men for who they are before committing and are too scared to break that commitment when it really would be the better option. Plus, the value of one’s own life tends to slip in those situations from what I’ve seen/heard.
I’ve tried so hard to not try and change mine and he’s drifting away. But, as painful as it is, that is the way it should be. If I tried to change him and he stayed a little while longer, he wouldn’t be staying around for the right reasons. He’d be staying because I manipulated him.
Because they think they can. And if they can’t, they either leave or keep up the fantasy that they can.
Wow..I cant believe some of these answers..Most of the time when we try to change something its not just some little thing we’re being picky about it..If it is well than my mistake..but not all women do..And that certainly does NOT give you the right to hit her.
There is absolutely NO good reason to hit any woman.
I’m not. The guy I like is pretty much as amazing as they get… I would be very sad if he changed at all.
Because women want the men to be who they want them to be. I’ve done it a million times. Finally realized it was pointless.
Man. I’ve got to say, this post was assembled remarkably well.
Apart from that, I suppose for the same reason any man would try to change their woman: dissatisfaction coupled with a desire to maintain the relationship (for whatever reason).
I read some of these comments.. and I know what I want. Changing men… we cant really do. We would like to think we can, but in all reality you guys will always be the same so we change ourselves for you and some cant appreciate it….Most cant appreciate it, but we do it anyways……
@musicmom60 - What if she’s 250 pounds, has been lifting weights constantly for the past ten years, and was beating the snot out of me?
I’m sorry. I just felt like a little reductio ad absurdum.
@Lucky_Charms_891 - Well, yeah, if she bashes you to the ground first, you might want to defend yourself
@musicmom60 - Then I demand that you retract your objective statement!
the male race also tries to change us women too.
ex: Oh don’t wear that, it’s too revealing.
Oh why you have so many male friends? Don’t you know they’ll mack on you?
Change your hair style. I don’t like how you dress. Why you have that attitude? Why do you always listen to your friends and not me? Why do you have to do stupid things? Don’t you use your head? etc etc
Many women I know seems to be drawn to the bad boy, of course with the intention that they will be housebroken with little effort.
I’m sure this has worked out for some people, but possibly not most.
and on the flip side, I’m sure some men have tried to change women, with bad results.
People can change and grow, but I think it has to be organic, and not engineered
@musicmom60 - Nah, that’s different…I’ve always taught my kids to walk away from a fist fight, if they can, because violence doesn’t solve anything. But in your hypothetical situation, I’m imagining Attila the Hun standing over you with a club or something…
@Lucky_Charms_891 - Duh, I meant that for you. I really didn’t mean to reply to myself. It’s getting late
“Nah,
that’s different…I’ve always taught my kids to walk away from a fist
fight, if they can, because violence doesn’t solve anything. But in
your hypothetical situation, I’m imagining Attila the Hun standing over
you with a club or something…”
I think girls nag at their man to change cause they see that he can be better, and they want to help him achieve that potential. If talking about it won’t work, the girl ultimately falls back to nagging.
@musicmom60 - Makes sense. I grew up being taught that I should never start fights, but, if the need arose, defend myself and finish them.
Atilla the Hun … except a female.
You have just guaranteed me a resless night full of nightmares.
because we know better.
and when we succeed, you’ll thank us.
I don’t know why, but this is funny.
Cause some women love the idea of “saving” the bad boy. ::Rolls eyes:: It’s sad, really.
Um…I’m pretty easily swayed by the girly pout…XD.
…not that I will always do what they say though…ohh…I hope she doesn’t read this. ;P
what? “Why are women always trying to change their man?” is an absolute statement and a generalization. guys statistically are more of the romantics. so someone pls tell me how i can stop men from being so clingy. i don’t waste time trying to change men.
and plus how do you define nagging? a lot of times people get terms mixed up. it’s called interpersonal communications and one person’s commenting or inquiring is another person’s “nagging.”
thats fucked up very sad…. i would never stand a weak man hit a woman…. just would make me crazy i would have to burn the man………… sad dont like the pic…..sad:(
Because women are impossible to please.
Change is good, Donkay!
@baranorewen - That’s what you should do. I never change who I’m with – it’s all about compromise. They should want to change for themselves.
no one has the right to hit anyone, whether your being nagged or not. if you don’t wanna be nagged walk away. you had it in your hands to walk not make a fist. it is abusive and i doubt you deserve her. she’ll only take beatings for so long and then realize she is an intelligent, passionate, BEAUTIFUL, kind woman who deserves a lot better than physical abuse because she cares and doesn’t wanna see you hurt yourself. but don’t worry abusser, you hurt her..did you feel powerful..was it worth it?
do you still think it was all her and she made you do it.
most abusive people blame their victim.
but she shall rise above this and overcome whether you want her to or not. get some help. seriuosly..clearly you need some sort of anger managemt or AA or hey, how about both. you few jerks give all the nice guys a hard time.
@onlyoneshallheal - i read your comment and was touched b/c i was shocked by the men and woman that agreed and gave the abuser props i’ve been abused in all ways but am aware of what i am worth now and doing a lot better. i just wanted to know…you’re response…i really needed to see it up there..thank-you..may i subscribe to you or maybe even be added as a friend?
Soulstar76
aka
Keria
Um… what the fuck.
Anyway, women are fickle about everything in life. Why should their man be different?
the only person who can make change happen is yourself, nobody else can do it for you
Are you determined to have these women around here hunt you down and beat you with a rolled up O magazine?
I think if there is anything you feel that you need to change in your man then maybe it’s the man you need to change. You should love the man you have for everything that he is, if you wish to change him maybe you’re just a crazy b*tch and should get a life. hahah.
that was sort of serious. lol.
QUIT DRINKING AND SMOKING, DAN! AFTER EVERYTHING I’VE DONE FOR YOU! ARGH!
its not about tryin to change them. men (and women) should be more than willing to sacrifice certain things and make changes in their lives for their significant other when they choose to commit. i think that in most cases (like the case with my ex-fiance) men are less willing to do things like that. most of the time we dont even want a full change, simply a compromise but we cant even get that, and if there’s something about you that your woman doesn’t like and they bring it up and you’re not trying to hear it, dammit we’re gonna keep mentioning it…then it becomes ‘you’re trying to change me.’
why aren’t men more willing to sacrifice, change and compromise with their woman? that’s a question that needs to be asked as well.
Sometimes it’s easier to make the attempt at changing a man than changing men. If I ever find a man worth taking the time to attempt to change, I’ll have a more reasonable answer. I’m glad the root of the problem is revealed in the blog though and that the real issue is being addressed, the girl obviously deserved it seeing as she wanted him to live longer and not smell like nastiness.
this might be funnier if you were blogging just for yourself and a limited audience.
out here..there are real people who have the right to be offended or reminded of bad experiences by this.
come on dan…*sigh*..you’re getting sloppy.
people come first, right after God. please dont’ ever forget that man.
@jediwa72 - nice
Because they had family members die because of lung/liver cancer and they don’t want the same to happen to you?
But (bad) habbits are as difficult to change as personality.
Why do men force women to do things their way or else they would threaten you with all sorts of consequences and punishments???
how does that justify violence?
A lot of men I know actually try to change their women. It goes both ways really.
Oh dear. This post made me laugh lots. This must surely make me a very bad person?
@kristentsuii - I once told my ex-girlfriend to wear this one ‘revealing’ shirt.
She responded with a punch to my manhood.
Ouch, the pride.
cuz we know what’s best
goodness me, there are some seriously fucked up responses here.
why did i try to change my man? because he was doing drugs, that’s why. and i was successful in getting him to stop.
some people really need a fucking wake up call.
Things I’ve Changed in Men:
poor sexual skills, nailbiting, general slobishness, bad fashion, poor table manners
We change bad things into *good* things. So quit’cher bitchin’.
Dan, the use of the photo and the topic at hand you imply that spouse abuse (man hitting wife) is justified.
There is NO justification for a man to hit his wife.
dan you are so messed up!
Change is bad even if it’s for the better because it’s a change. But beating up someone when she has your interest at heart? That’s worse.
why are men always trying to change women?
it’ll go one way or the other..
Not all of them try to change their man. Mine doesn’t try to change me.
…LOL!
Because they want to see a positive change in us if they can’t change themselves.
Plus, they get sick of us not taking out the trash when we’re told, but they like it. Somehow.
They really change us without us knowing it, and then one day one our guy friends says “man you’ve changed!” and then you realize it. They do it slowly and quietly, it’s almost scary. Guys are scared to change on our own. Fifty bucks says Michelle Obama came up with that “change” slogan, and probably the “yes we can!” slogan too.
Honestly, sometimes I go “WHY DO I LIKE WOMEN SO MUCH IF THEY GET ON MY NERVES SO BAD?! But then, I know why. It’s because they rule.
Sometimes.
cause it’s easier to look at someone else’s faults then your own ,maybe
Well it generates traffic to your blog, I’ll give you that.
I have no clue. I’m one to accept a person for who they are, instead of trying to change them… so I’ve never tried to change my boyfriend, because frankly, there’s nothing to fix.
Hitting is not an option.
@MissSpaceship - I really like your answer. I agree with your comment but I think sometimes it does not deal with how the partner feels. The negative character traits are overlooked in order to fit the fantasy of the woman. When a woman is in a domestic violence relationship she only sees the honeymoon period where he was chivalrous, dashing, kind, and charming.
To deal with the reality of the situation that your first perception of their significant other is too painful to realize. They make excuses because they need that person to better than they are.
@baranorewen - I think every relationship needs some sort of compromise in order to work and that’s not just romantic relationships. Life is all about compromise, so I definitely agree with your comment.
@lotta_valdez - Lol I love your writing! That is fantastic if your in a relationship it is not supposed to be an egotrip of one partner being subservient to another. A relationship is about give and take; you learn from one another. You have an identity seprate from your partner but know that he or she will always support you in all your endeavors (unless detrimental to your health).
A wise person is different from a flatter. A wise person will tell you the truth even if you did not want to hear it. A flatter just wants to be on your good side so he or she will reflect whatever they think you want them to say. In the flatter’s situation they are not a real friend and their is no growth. Perhaps your negativity towards your girlfriend is not what she has done but it is your self pity being directed at her. I have a feeling you know she is right and instead of realizing this it is better to act out against her to remove feelings of ambivalence and negativity towards yourself. If your girlfriend didn’t care about your health and welfare then why would you be with her?
Do you care about what she thinks? Do you care about her happiness and well-being?
(Also there are also so many great comments on here you really need to take their advice. But to tell you the truth you are not ready for a relationship you need to spend some time alone looking for insight into yourself.)
Yeah I’m still not getting why that’s okay to hit her…
She probably just wants to help. Those habits are unhealthy. It’s not nagging, it’s love & you hit her?! Tell her how you feel!!
Why do men tend to prefer violence over talking?!
Because its a woman’s nature to always be working on something or fixing something.
By trying to change men we actually make them worse. Each person decides for themselves if they want to change.
I’ve discovered that when I make him feel like “the best” he wants to be “better”.
Because his behavior is unacceptable to her but she doesn’t want to give up on him anyway because she either loves him too much or simply doesn’t want to loose face by admitting her relationship with him was a total mistake.
Personally, I would never stay with a guy who hit/beat me. I’d have him arrested and then wash my hands of him. Life is too short. Let him be who he wants to be but far away from me. A man like that doesn’t deserve the love of a woman.
I think most women have the mother hen syndrome. They feel that they have to fix whatever they think is wrong. As we get older we realize we can either accept the things we can not change or move on.
Haha.
Why didn’t Dr. Datingish put that one up? I’d love to see some responses for that.
It is beacuse they do care about their man!!
I think everybody cares about wt the one they love do when their hobbies is harmful to their life~
Because otherwise, our drinking and smoking men would end up like this
I think all good relationships take change. You can’t be in a relationship and NOT change in some way (that goes for both people) and I don’t believe that women are only out to change men.
My husband and I have changed each other over the years, whether we meant to or not. It’s just a part of growing up, growing together, and living life. Sure, I’ll nag him when he forgets to take out the trash or leaves his clothes in the middle of the floor- and he’ll nag me when I leave a wet towel on the bed or put my cold feet on him in the middle of the night. The thing is- it hasn’t changed either of us. He still leaves his socks in the floor, I still leave my towel on the bed.
And FYI, I don’t care how much I nag, hitting is NEVER a solution to get me to stop. He’d be castrated by morning if he did, and he knows it.
I want a man just like me, but a much better cook.
Since that doesn’t exist, I’ll just try to mold the men who are sort-of-close into things more and more closely resembling me.
It’s been successful so far.
because women are stupid. it’s “easier” for a woman to try to change a man than admit she needs to change herself?
i never bothered with that nonsense.
I wonder….do women change their man because…it’s their man??? I mean, say if a woman is living with her best friend and they do everything together, do they do stuff to change their best friend? Because when I think of a man I think of someone that they spend a lot of time with and possibly living with. I think that when I was living with my ex’s sister and mom, I tried to change them too. Don’t we try to change things or people because we “think” that they can be better?
Obviously she was concerned about your health in the future. She nagged because she cared. You could have sat down and talked to her about it, told her that your future is your decision and that she should respect that. Instead, you let her nagging anger you and tried to resolve it in the wrong way. You both need to get out of the relationship if you’re resorting to violence instead of communication or you need to seek help from someone who can teach you both how to communicate properly.
Oftentimes it’s to benefit the guy…. something like the smoking, drinking, etc. is seen and the girlfriend/wife/female tries to eliminate that issue to make it easier for the boyfriend/husband/male.
Sometimes it might just be an issue of not really liking them as they are, but in this case it’s obviously not that.
men wouldnt change their spots.
Idk…
to make them the perfect image they have dreamed of…
to make them a better man…
Idk…
Because they foolishly think they can. They only can change a man who sees a need to change. Unfortunately for those women and the rest of the world, most men seem not to see such a need.
Sometimes we try to change our men to make them the best person they can be. We see it as a kind and helpful act of service.
Does this mean it is ok to hit a girl cause she has a problem of nagging or doesn’t know what she wants?
Because we like getting slapped around..
I think your last post about her in which you claimed she was just doing the post for attention was disgusting. I’ve been an avid reader of yours since 2006 but I think you’ve crossed a line. Yes, I’m still reading but sometimes you need to show a little tact.
Why are women always trying to change their man?
Because on the whole, men such as yourself, are too stupid to change on their own.
Because we care, and we’re “doing the right thing”
such a poor excuse for hitting a woman…
I don’t know….Why do men always try to change their women?
Wow to some of the other comments.
I suppose there are many women who try to change their man because they are so afraid to be alone that they settle for second best and in some twisted rationalization decide to transform him into “the one.”
Really?
…I’ve seen you do better man.
What’s the point of being with someone if you want to change them?
(unless there are horrible, horrible qualities about them)
It’s a desire inherent in everyone to try to control others. I recognize it in myself as a character flaw, and that’s why I lean anarchist-libertarian in my politics, and try to be that way in my personal affairs.
@thorninroses - wow, hell yes.
It’s easier to see someone else’s flaws. Unfortunately, in any relationship, the only person you can change is yourself. Still, trying to change someone else always sounds easier.
We don’t try to change men, we try to “save” them! If they drink/smoke, it is bad for their health. If they dress funky, it is bad for their social life.
dude. just because they nag at you about that stuff doesnt give you the right to hit them. you can go to jail for that sort of thing now. most states now have it as a mandetory arrest and once that happens you lose some rights. girls think that they can prove something by making you into something they like which isnt what you are. if you dont want the nagging find a girl that has similar interests to yours. oh and if you go around bragging about how you hit your girl some dude is most likely going to kick your ass. just be happy your safe behind the computer screen
I don’t try to change them. I have a guy who is willing to change if it makes me happy, even though I never ask ; ]
this is pretty fucked up, considering theres plenty of people who are physically abused every day and there’s people who have commented here that I know for a fact they are currently trying to get out of an abusive relationship…
there’s plenty of things to joke about, but I don’t think domestic abuse is one of them..
Sometimes change is for the better?
@saintvi - exactly, and in some people change would be fitting.
How woman go about doing that is a differant story. She never should have been with you though, plain and simple.
i think people just outgrow eachother. if you buy into stereeotypical gender roles than hey, youre playing right into the icky guy one and shes playing into the nagging wife role. if you see yer parents or role models behave a certain way, and dont try to fond new models to base relationships on what else would one expect? but personally if a guy hit me, even once hed be dead.
Because Disney has instilled the idea of ‘The Perfect Prince Charming’ in girls’ heads. Edward Cullen doesn’t help either.
I like my man the way he is.
@saintvi - I think this is the most insightful answer I’ve seen.
LMAO, I love the idea of this entry/response.
i hope you die of lung cancer and alcohol poisoning.
I think it depends on what it is as to why. If its just the way they dress or something who cares. If they drive like a maniac or something like that, I dont want to sit in the same car with them, which causes problems. I hate to say this, but I look at jfk jr and the fact that he insisted on flying in poor conditions, and his wife and her sister paid with their lives for his poor judgement.
I guess I am just not that devoted.
I suppose it is wrong to try and alter who a person is,
especially your significant other,
but it isn’t wrong if the woman is trying to change them for the better.
and there is never an excuse for hitting someone you “care about”.
that is just as wrong, if not worse, than trying to alter your partner.
my boyfriend nags me all the time about not skipping class because
he doesn’t want me to loose my credits,
should I hit him for caring about what happens to me?
her caring about you and wanting you to take better care of yourself isn’t ‘nagging’ and its definitely no reason to hit her. theres no reason to hit anyone, there are better ways to deal with things than hitting.
Because women in love want to help their man become the best possible version of himself. So, when they see him doing things like drinking heavily, smoking, doing drugs, things that could hurt him, they want him to stop destroying himself.
Will they succeed in changing him? That’s another matter.
hahahahah
they wanna get hit. they’ll have something else to bitch about.
Sometimes the change is for the better, sometimes it’s not.
You are so out of reason. This is the most terrible excuse that I’ve heard. It’s like you saying that you hit her to made her shut up. I also drink and smoke. And I’m a woman. Maybe I don’t drink and smoke as hard as you guys, but at least, I stop before I throw up. It seems to me that you’re under the influence of whatever vice when you did that. How I wish you were just possessed, that it was not you. Because it’s really unbearable to think that you did that in a normal state of mind. A man can avenge a man when physically hurt, but a woman can’t. Like a man who won’t tolerate being hurt, so a woman won’t. Most men would prefer being punched than being blabbered at, but even a man beaten up by a stronger man feels self humiliated, what more is a woman with the uneven strength? this is unfair. if your woman is nagging at you really bad, then throw and break something. To be honest, there are also times when woman is too loud, I am loud, nagger, but it’s unfair that a man would hit me, make a woman slap me then, at least the next scene is a fair fight.
She kept nagging about drinking and smoking.
You should question yourself whether that justifies why you hit your girlfriend.
Yes, nagging is one of those nuisances that people find to be insufferable. But hitting another person won’t resolve anything.
Perhaps this is a sign of how bad you’re falling under the effects of alcohol?
As for why she may be always trying to change you – it’s not always for the bad. Sometimes changes are for the better. It’s not really meant to be offensive; she just thinks that she’s helping you.
Of course, if she’s trying to make you change religions, telling you who you can/cannot see, and basically telling you how to run your life down to what time you should wake up… that might be a sign to get out of a relationship.
I’m going to gentle point out that maybe you could have dumped her without the use of force?
@nowayout001 - threats and consequences and punishments? With all due respect, I don’t think that’s a man’s domain, or at least not his typical forte’. Perhaps you’re dating a woman in man’s clothing?
Abuse is just that. There aren’t excuses, or reasons enough to jusitfy that disturbing photo, much less the behaviour.
She tried to change you because of your self destructive behavior. She cared about you. Since you hit her you obviously don’t care enough about her.
Sounds like the only relationship someone like you can handle is one with smoking and drinking.
I’VE GOT HOES (I’ve got hoes) IN DIFFERENT AREA CODESSSSSS
I’VE GOT HOES (I’ve got hoes) IN DIFFERENT AREA CODESSSSSS
I’m waiting for the day a man hits me.
He’ll never pee standing up again.
Maybe because you’re a piece of work?
If you don’t like the fact that she’s trying to make you improve your life, leave her and wallow in the bottom of a bottle of your brain-cell killing beverage of choice. However, you have absolutely no right to put your hands on her in a violent manner.
I hope she left your ass.
Oh give me a break…as if guys don’t ever try to change women…
And hitting a “nagging” girlfriend is never ever just.
I hate trying to change people. I hate it when people try to change me, so I try to stay out of others’ business.
I’m mean, obviously, there are a few situations when change is good on both sides. But I think people generally make big deals out of little things. I think change is often unnecessary.
I have to disagree with the notion that women “always” try to change their men. Some of us don’t. In fact, a wise woman will accept her man for who he is, and the same principle applies to wise men.
But there is a history of women AND men who try to change their partners. I’ve seen this happen with friends of mine. It usually seems to occur b/c each partner already has a mental image of what their ideal mate will be. And instead of releasing a partner from the relationship who doesn’t meet their ideal or taking a practical approach and altering the ideal in their heads, they try to change the person. Nobody ever said life would be fair; this is one of the reasons.
well, while we’re at it… all the homeless people should blow up the soup kitchen for wanting to feed them.
what?
I guess you could say women are trying to change you for the better? Do you really wanna lie in your coffin because you died of a liver disease? Or because you had a few too many and crashed into a enormous tree? Have you ever thought that women changes their man for a positive reason?
You post such a picture of a young battered woman and this is your question? Are you a dolt or a plug of a man? Your posts are rather sketchy at best and not very well written. That many of your eekish readers agree with this post shows the stones and stocks they are.
Umm, I don’t try to change my man. He’s fine the way he is. If you don’t like the way a guy is, don’t start dating him in the first place, let alone marry him!
We men are always complaining about the women in our lives trying to change us. And it can be annoying! However, this is what women naturally tend to do through biological imperative.
It must be remembered that the basic purpose of dating- beyond companionship and having fun- is to seek out that “life partner”. This requires a man and a woman to “adjust” themselves to one another. By dating, they tend to discover if those adjustments can be made tenable to one another in the future. “Checking each other out”- as the saying goes.
For women, however, this is very important. Even today, men usually provide either the bulk of the family income or are the sole provider. Women are far more likely to be dependent on their husbands’ ability to continue this providence rather than vice versa. This is only accentuated when they have children. Thereby, women have a deep, vested interest in the ability of their husband (or prospective spouse) to maintain high standards and a responsible outlook.
It’s a fact of life that young men tend to be “careless” in their personal standards! At least, when they move out of the house and “mommy” isn’t there to demand they “clean up their room”. And, while single, we guys tend to pick up bad habits non-conducive with family life. That’s where the wife comes in!
A wise wife/girlfriend, however, will refrain from ”nagging”. That tends to be counter-productive with us guys! They should, instead, extend praise along with cautious criticism… and seal it with a kiss. It works well with men… and children, too! Make what you will of that!
Dear Dan: In my previous remarks, I forgot to mention the most important aspect. That picture of the abused girl should make a stark point of morality. There can be no excuse for a man to inflict injury on a woman or child unless they present him or others with a life-threatening situation. Men are put on this Earth to protect and provide for women and children. It is a natural responsibility which is our heritage from many thousands of generations. It is likewise exalted as moral behavior in any healthy culture. To strike a woman like that- and merely because, it seems, she was being critical- is a negation of all that true manhood stands for. Forbearance is called for by both members of a couple to one another. But a couple (or a marriage) cannot be held together by violence. And the man, because he’s generally more physically and psychologically capable of rendering violence, must temper his passions through his higher instincts.
Because we are hopeless romantic. Thinking our love is so powerful it can change our man’s heart.
i think some women want to better than others. maybe a way to do this is to show of thier “perfect” men? this is purely my opinion though…
i do think that in your situation you both are at fault since she was constanly nagging you( about something thats your choice) and you lost your temper and hit her(it wasn’t very mature…)
This is wrong. Yes they do want to help us and change us for the better (usually, and if it’s not for the better then break up with her) and yeah they sometimes go too far and don’t give us time to think it through on our own but that gives us no right to hit them, ever!
And in this case it definitely was for the better. You sound like a total asshole. Wouldn’t be surprised to find you in jail soon haha. Maybe you’ve already been?
No matter how much she “nags”, she obviously cares enough to do something about it, and instead of talking about it, which most men are incapable of doing, they use their strength to beat up on the one they love the most. Oh yeah, good job Caveman. Did it make you feel better?? Here’s something I bet you don’t know: a woman’s range of pain is nine times stronger than a man’s. Try childbirth.
@jilleybean12 - You hit the nail on the head with this one
It is definitely about give and take. My own guy has taught me patience and frivolity, I couldn’t have done it without him.
You know what sucks my friend is in a bad place right now. What happens when you don’t have that support system? My friend is in between boyfriends and has come into contact with a lot of guys who are not up to par with her intelligence or her conviviality. She ends up making excuses until she eventually breaks up and then complains,”all men are alike that they all want to get in her pants.”
I want to show her her strength lies within herself and that to look externally for support is not the way to go. She always says,”I will let the guys come to me.” They do but just not the right ones, but patience is a virtue. It’s just to be with someone for the moment to make that loneliness go away even for a second is not worth it. The price you pay is way too deep… I think we all wish we could be in stable, healthy relationships, but I think to get to that point we have to be content with ourselves and not constantly looking for someone else to think us. What do you think?
because we are never good enough