September 28, 2009
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Competition and Dating
When I was back in my dating years, I would never compete for a woman.
If a lady indicated that she might be thinking about another person and was trying to make a choice, I would not play that game. This happened to me once when I went out with a lady a few times. I simply withdrew and told her she should go for the other guy.
Would you compete for a love interest?
Comments (115)
No
I’ll kill for love.
I guess it would depend on how much I liked him. I prefer to just bide my time. They usually come around.
I never have and it is a little late to start now
No, not really. Not worth the effort… I tried fighting twice. Didn’t work out.
@odiada - O.O
Only if I really, really, really, really, REALLY loved the guy.
well, i’d never tell her to go for someone else… but i might withdraw.
maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Depends on how much I wanted to be with her. Though most of the time I won’t compete. Too much trouble and drama involved.
Have and would again.
I always win.
I try to stay away from competition and all that dating drama. I’m ok with dating multiple people for a little bit and settling down with one eventually, but I’ve personally always felt that girls who view relationships as a type of competition or game will never become emotionally attached to you, and are more likely to go from one guy to another as if it were nothing.
:/ I’m not sure. It’s a difficult thing. I don’t know unless I’m there.
Nah. There are so many fish in the sea. ♥
Probaly not.
I would have, for one guy, but I was actually in love with him, not just interested. Otherwise, it’s not worth it.
No, I would find the whole thing too juvenile and demeaning for me to engage in.
Depends. You know if it was like a friendship that had more to it I would compete. If it was just a good looking girl then no.
There is one person I would compete for.
When I go for someone I get them. I’ve never really considered anyone else competition.
My boyfriend just told me on the phone last night, “If you ever had to choose between me and another guy, I wouldn’t fight for it or anything. You should be allowed to make whichever decision you want.”
It’s hard on the person deciding too, so it is definitely best when the guy doesn’t fight about it.
I’m with you, let the other guy have her. But once, I fell in love and there were some other guys around who wanted her, too. It was kind of difficult for me. I waited, while everybody was there for her attention to focus on me and then I didn’t compete. Emotionally, though I fought them quietly inside myself. She knows now how I feel. I don’t know if that’s competition. I’m still single
nope. you only demean yourself
if you really loved the person and you really wanted to be with them then you would wait, or try harder to make them realize that you are the person that they want to be with, but if not then there is not a reason you should wait around, and you should let that other person know how you feel about the situation. sometimes it just makes them want you more…i think that if you are with someone then you should know that you truely wanna be with them. i know that there are doubts and things like that, but there shouldn’t be. if you ever have any doubts you should let the other person know. i used to have doubts about me and my bf and i told him and he really loves me and he worked harder to make me want to be with him forever, and now in two years we are getting married and i know that i want to be with him forever.
never
@ecoutezmonhistoire - I’m not anyone’s judge but if I said that to my girlfriend what I would really be doing is playing a game with her. I wouldn’t be saying “I love you and I’m sure and you are the one for me.” If I was really in love I wouldn’t mention the choice. I’d try my best to keep her.
No I wouldn’t because that is just who I am..if she wants to go out with him and I am unsure of his feelings towards me than I will back off, but if I did know his feelings towards me and it was the same yes there would be some competition and the end would already be known to me since I already know his feelings.
@butterfly350z - No, no, no. The thing to do is let the person you want know you want them.
No. I got nothin’ to prove – if she can’t realize how I’m obviously the better choice, then it’s her loss, not mine, and it further makes me question what exactly she values in a man, which kind of makes me feel less attracted to her.
Depends on how strongly I feel about the person. Last boyfriend? Nah, it wouldn’t have been worth my time or effort. This one though? Oh hell yes I would have fought for him if I thought it was necessary.
I wouldn’t.
@designandart - and thats what my bf did, i think that it is cruel to have mixed feelings about someone that you are with, and not let them know, it would literaly break my heart to find out later. he def wanted me, and he proves that still everyday, i also came to my realization that i had someone who was so wonderful and would do anything for me, and love me unconditionally. what more could you ask for?
i do occasionally when i’m single and i know for sure that he’s also single and up for grabs.
@Paul_Partisan - well, you don’t really compete for love… you just pay for it.
No, but I’d probably plan there perfectly timed demise for a few weeks though. Nothing traceable, of course.
I’m afraid I must leave now. >_<
@odiada - The Great Ed Templeton once said, “You should never be ashamed to pay for sex.”
I find myself more often having to beat the taken guys off with a stick. Okay, I exaggerate a little. But really, it’s always the taken guys that show interest in me.
I don’t know if I’d compete or not. Most likely not…unless he was THE ONE and I somehow KNEW it without a doubt.
i like your thinking. i dont know if i believe in competition and love either.
but if i truly loved a woman or i believed she was THE ONE, i think i would declare all out war for her.
and by that, i dont mean competitively. i would just go all out and be me.
im more of a… internal competitor.
@odiada - And on my budget there is no way I could afford it. We could have dates at my apartment for Diet Coke but who would go for that to start?
@Paul_Partisan - that’s pretty pathetic, paul.
@thesecretfee - I’m with you, too. I like your thinking.
nope…
how good is she in bed?
No, I would not compete for a man. I would also never put a man in a position that would make him feel he had to compete for me. I think both of those things are rather low.
No. If their eye wanders long enough to invite a 3rd party to compete for them, I would decline. Not worth it.
I’ve come in second place several times, so pursuing the girl never helped me win her.
Still, one should make one’s case before simply giving up. Struggle builds character more than accepting defeat at the first hint of a challenge.
I’d rather not be strung along by a girl who can’t (or refuses to) make up her mind. I don’t think I’d quit talking to her, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to ‘win’ her either.
nope! my exact words were “you should be with the other girl.” i didn’t want to boost his ego.
I wouldn’t want to divide her loyalties.
no, it spells drama
but on the off chance that i do, she better be damn worth it
I think there are times when competing for someone’s affections is called for – if I’m interested in someone, I want them to know it. I’m not going to immediately disregard my feelings because I suddenly have a rival.
“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” right?
no – if she / he really loves you – theres no need to compete* for their love
if you need to compete* – you’ve lost half the battle already – cause piece of them isnt with you
I’d fight to the death for it
Never did, never would. With you all the way on this one.
I don’t think I would compete. If ever I was in such a situation, I expect the guy to fight for (aka choose) me–assuming we have a strong bond.
When it’s been the other way around and I am the reason for fighting, I never felt really good about it. I had loyalty to my original partner even if I questioned our relationship and was flattered by the new person’s attention or advances.
I didn’t try to get the attention of a guy I knew liked someone else even if I had a crush on him. I think it was a matter of pride and self respect.
ideally, yes. but realistically, never.
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ahh the power of the WEAKER sex , given because of the unanturalness of a MANDATED relationship form ..the 1 on 1 ,, man woman ,, man man ,,, woman woman …. all grounded in multiple levels of FEAR .
Bye have fun young lady , i do not buy into this form of POLIGNY , 1 female mulitple males.
One thing I know women do that to see hard will the guy fight to win her love. It goes way way way back in history. Men fighting for the love of a woman. If you do not put up a fight she will fill you are not interested in her. Sometimes women want to see that Knight in Shining armor riding threw the night to win their heart.
Sometimes thats all it takes for love.
but the question is did you really like her?
As wrong as it sounds, I have, but only because the other guy was a douche.
Needless to say, she ditched him and we’ve been together for almost a year.
No
Thats crazy how could just let him get away like that! I know if I like a girl and she likes another guy. I would definitely fight for her! I’ve done it before and won a girls heart doing that! That guy you had a crush on could have been yours. I know that really gets my attention when a woman lets me know how much she likes me. I think love is worth going after even if that means there’s a chance of getting egg thrown in your face because you never know.@ItsWhatEyeKnow -
I dont know… Its hard to say, when you’re not in that type of situation at the moment… I know my husband had to fight to be with me…. and i LOVE him for it. I would’ve made a mistake if he wasnt willing to be so strong and patient…
Nope, because then you give the woman 2x as much power as she did have before.
Plus, I’m a man of pride and principle.
If he wants that woman so badly, he probably:
1) Can’t get any other woman
or
2) Thinks this woman is special and worth fighting for (highly unlikely in most situations
or
3) Just doing it to be a douchebag b/c he on an ego trip and want to get in her pants.
Nope.
haha i kinda have before..
I’ve only ever had to once, and if I have to compete to be the one he wants, then he doesn’t really want me back as much anyways, and he’s not for me.
It depends. If I really truly thought something was there. Yes. But if I didn’t think much would become of it, no.
Hmm, pretty nice topic. I might.
No. Too much work. Why would I want someone that didn’t know if he wanted to be with me or not? and had to make a decision. GEE> Thats love. UGH!
If it’s fresh off the boat then I’d just pass her up. I don’t plan on being a fall-back guy. If I already put in some effort, however, then I’d definitely fight to keep her, assuming I wanted to.
I patiently waited for she whom I would later marry for two years, but I don’t know if I would call it competing. I was simply convinced she was the best one for me and it took two years for her to decide about me. I didn’t pressure her or even ask her to consider me. I just always treated her respectfully and made no secret of how much I enjoyed her company and admired her. Glad I waited as we have been married 15 years now.
Social Darwinism where I would never partake in. Unless it’s life or death, of course.
Umm… I actually cant answer this. All of my relationships happened so quickly. Like… I’ll meet them one day and a couple days later be “dating” them (real maturity right there lol!).
So I’ve never really had to compete. Whenever they ended it ended with them leaving me for someone else.
nope
@odiada - agreed.
I’d kill for love. Myself or the other girl at stake.
Nope I’m above that. I agree with you.
It depends how far in I am. I have done it in the past when I was crazy about the person.
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When I was younger, I would have. Now that I am older. No. its not worth the effort
I have…and ended up with my husband.
No. A lot of women play that game, and there are men who like to take advantage of that by pitting the ladies against each other, but I choose to be a woman who does not engage in that drama. You want to be with a lot of different women, then I’m not the girl you need to be with. I want someone who isn’t a game player.
No, if they don’t want me now, they never will.
No thanks.
depends on if he was already mine. not that he would cheat, but if he expressed he had a crush on another girl.
xo
That makes you a very good man.
Nope, I would not compete for a love interest – if there is another person, then it was either never meant to be, or it could get difficult. It would be easier for everyone if one person withdrew. That would be me: I believe if you let go of something good, that that is never the end. Something better always comes up. Even if that something is just a lesson learnt or a little, much-needed experience.
Suggest a spit-roast.
I tried that once. Fought til she started ignoring me. Justice came though cuz she thought she like him more and now five years down the road they’ve both cheated on each other and broke it off. She tried talking to me again but I refuse to listen.
not really.
Nope. I’ve definitely backed down when It became apparent they were into someone else.
Depends on the situation. Most of the time, no… I always just want to make the love interest happy, and usually it’s seemed that they would be happier with the other person, lol… But in some cases, if I feel they’d be happier with me, then yeah, I definitely would.
My charm has always been in my distance. I don’t engage in competition. I’m more often found by those who are more willing to be on my level, those who notice where I am in the social dynamic, and those who look for a guy who enjoys a great conversation as well as a great silence.
Sometimes I wish was a little more competitive instead of simply being there.
I actually did with a friend once. She was actually with him and I still tried so hard. It’s a terrible thing what I did.
It depends, but usually no. I figure if he isn’t sure then let him go.
I don’t need that kind of heartache.
I would lie and say I was considering someone else too, see how she responds, and see if she gets desperate. If not, walk away.
no. but it seems that a lot of men do
I’ll let my instinct directs me
No.
No way. Not worth it.
I do, however, let guys compete over me. haha.
Doubt it. I’m way too apathetic for that sort of thing.
I did once when I was in college. Neither I nor the other guy won the girl in the long run. I never did it again and would not now (even if I were not happily married).
that was the name of the game. I didn’t want them unless all the others did
Depends if I feel the love interest is worth it.
Also depends on the competetion, if I know I can win, why not?
Hahaha. Well played.
No, I don’t like that game.
Don’t think so. And for a short time, when there were a couple guys vying for me, I felt awful about it.
Maybe.
No Way! I want to be someones one and only and I want to find someone that see’s me as the most important thing in their life. If they indicated that they were playing that game I would be done with them from now on. I’ve never been into games and I can’t stand being around others that play them!
You made the right choice!!! I agree with you.
Tom Petty says it best. “If you can do better than me, GO!!”
if i were a man, i would.
Nah. If you have to compete, the love interest isn’t truly being reciprocated, and it’s really not worth it.
Not unless I was, for some reason, competing for the love of my husband. Hopefully I will never have to do this. If a guy was ever unsure about who he wanted to date, I left – if he wasn’t sure who he loved more, he probably loved neigher of us and just enjoyed being in a relationship.
Only if I really loved him. Otherwise, who cares.