October 6, 2009
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Rape in Marriage
Last week Trunthepaige started off a conversation about race and rape.
In listening to all the discussion, I didn’t see the topic of spousal rape come up. Spousal rape is when a person rapes the person they are married to.
I was just reading a wiki entry that claimed that the Western World was slow to consider rape at a crime because of Christianity.
The Bible teaches:
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.“ I Corinthians 7: 3-5 Here is the link: Link
Do you think it is wrong to deprive your spouse of sex?
Comments (126)
Let’s remember the words of a fond song, in this case.
Why do you build me up, buttercup…
This outta be good…
@Drakonskyr - JUST TO LET ME DOWN
Yes, I think it’s wrong to deprive your spouse of sex. I also think it a very unloving thing to do to someone you claim to have loved. That being said I also think that if your spouse truly loves you he will not ever try to force you into something.
WUT?
Nope. If you’re not in the mood for sex, you’re not in the mood, and it should never be forced on one spouse or the other.
@Drakonskyr - Hahahahahahahah, good job =)
@Drakonskyr - And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
This could be a potentially touche subject. I’ll answer by saying that you should never be forced to do something whether you’re married or not, but I think in a true loving relationship this would never be an issue.
Rape is wrong, regardless.
If someone doesn’t want to have sex, no one has a right to make them.
@KikeLikes - Just mess me around!
That verse is taken way out of context, IMO. Either way, the forcing of one body to the will of another is unhealthy and inexusable.
@Drakonskyr - I need you! More than anything, darlin.
I had to butt in. Sorry.
Anyway, no means no, married or not.
Women aren’t property anymore!
There was an entry up on xanga not too long ago I think.. actually maybe it was datingish.. probably earlier this year.. about a woman in a marriage who never said no to her husband (sorry if I’m airing anybody’s laundry out) no matter her mood and held a likewise expectation of him. According to her her marriage was stronger for it.
I’d like to think my marriage will work like that.
@Drakonskyr - so build me up, Buttercup!
and don’t break my heart (not fuck me).
@Drakonskyr - So build me up, buttercup. Don’t break my heart.
lol. For real, though…marriage isn’t all about sex. So if one partner doesn’t want to do it, there’s no real obligation to. That goes for men and women.
@rhiannonator - @KikeLikes - I’ll be over at ten, I’ve told you time again, but you’re late, I wait around at the door and can’t take anymore!
My opinion is unorthidox…but I believe that whoever lives in the body, it is THEIR own choice. Marriage definitely does not restrict the responsibility of an individual. That’s a violation of human rights.
It is detrimental to a husband to consider that his wife has full rights over his body; and for a wife vice-versa? Likewise.
The bible’s anthology is ridiculous in this sense.
Why have bodies in the first place, right? They might as well be bartered, sold.
what if i don’t mind being raped and then getting thrown off a bridge?
you shouldn’t deprive your spouse of sex…but if you did…that’s not grounds to rape anyone
i think one should be control of their own body.
sure, rejection from your husband/wife hurts, but it happens.your SO isn’t going to want sex all the time when you want it.
xo
I think no means no, even if married.
I like that this is more a singing round than a discussion of the silly topic at hand.
@abilene_piper_lg - I dont think you should ever be forced into sex with a spouse. That isn’t right. If youre not in the mood you’re not. However, I do think it’s wrong for a spouse to withhold it from the other spouse. Intimacy plays an important part of the relationship. While you don’t have to always be in the mood every time your spouse is, that’s to be expected, you shouldn’t deprive them of sex. Because ya, it becomes frustrating and difficult, not only because it’s needed, but it can cause the one being deprived to feel insecure and like they aren’t desirable.
But no. FORCE is never the answer and NEVER okay.
I think it could be considered cruel to deprive one’s spouse of sex for an extended period, barring medical necessity or other extenuating circumstance, but I certainly do not think that either a husband or wife has the right to simply ‘demand’ sex whenever they so desire, regardless of the other person’s needs.
I think the above verse really needs to be applied more towards fidelity and spiritual and sexual union than any sort of actual ‘property’ connotation, if it is to be at all useful.
@sombraluna - Yup that is for sure.
If you are using it to get what you want, yes. As in, “No more sex until you do X.” This is manipulative, and manipulating a spouse is always wrong. (Personally, I have never used sex this way.) Also, one of the first indicators a man is having an affair is that he no longer wants his wife. However, as a victim of spousal rape, I can also state with absolute certainty that no means no, wedding vowels or not. You see the Bible also says,
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
There are cases of rape in the Bible, but none that I can find within the confines of marriage.
@NikBv - Well, let’s be honest; it’s always a bit rapey over here every now and again, it was high time to spice it up with some music.
Next time it’ll be about abortions and singing Don’t Leave Me This Way, Baby.
@Drakonskyr - I look forward to it. Better than most of the hum-drum crap that otherwise surfaces.
No means no.
And what about the husband who deprives his wife of sex? Is that wrong? I think so.
So, no forcing in marriage. I don’t care who you are. If you’ve just had your wisdom teeth pulled and your spouse wants to have sex, it’s perfectly okay to say no.
The Bible, while I believe it is inspired by God, is still written by men and subject to man’s biases.
i agree..i don’t think it’s right to make someone fuck you..if you don’t want to be fucked. Marriage is a strong bond that should be able to understand that.
Yes. Unless there’s a real, legitimate reason, you should always consent to sex with your spouse. And “not being in the mood” is not a legitimate reason. That said, obviously if your spouse loves you they won’t rape you.
@tsh44 - Exactly.
As a married woman, I can tell you right now, that I have said no to sex to my husband a countless number of times. When I do, I either don’t feel good or he was being a jerk the entire day or week. Why should I satisfy him after he was an A$$ to me the entire day or week? Also, why would I feel like sex if I have puking or have a cold?
A woman is not a man’s sex toy; married or not.
Best.Song.Ever.
I’d interpret it as “don’t use sex as a tool against the other person.” Don’t deny them sex in order to punish them – that isn’t the point of sex.
I’m not sure where we’re at with butter cup, so on to “Let’s get physical”
Let’s get physical, physical,
I wanna get physical, let’s get into physical
Not at all! I believe that even if you are married or in a relationship with someone, when one of the people involved says no…it still stands. No means no no matter what!
Yes, it is wrong to deprive one’s spouse of sex.
The line refers to both genders, and does not even approach the idea of forced sex. It is saying that it isn’t okay to deprive a spouse of sex.
Edit: I’m pretty sure that if someone really does have a headache, it’s perfectly acceptable to say “not tonight”. Deprivation would seem to imply a prolonged period of time.
It is wrong to continually neglect your spouses needs, sex is a need just like any thing else. But the Bible doesn’t condone rape it calls on husbands to love their wives and love is patient and kind. It’s just as wrong if not more so to rape the person whose sworn to love you.
I think this verse is trying to say that they belong to each other and therfore shouldn’t be selfish.
I think it is spiteful to deny your spoue with out a good reason. For example: No honey I’m playing PS3 right now— that’s not a good reason. but No honey I don’t feel well tonight—understandable.
However rape is still rape and no one should ever be forced upon. Yes one may be wrong in refusing but two wrongs don’t make a right.
rape is wrong, no matter who is ‘depriving’ the other of sex. that being said, I do believe it is wrong to choose to abstain from sex during marriage. it is a little bit selfish, and it can also jeopardize the relationship.
Yes, well, considering this comes from the chapter of the Bible that begins with “It is good for a man not to marry” and then later states, “It is better to marry than to burn,” I think these passages have to be taken with a grain of salt. I mean, this was written by a guy who was never married, never had sex, and is (in conjunction with Jesus) the reason for the vows of celibacy within the Catholic church clergy. It’s kind of like asking an anorexic for good recipes.
@Drakonskyr - hahaha. my thoughts exactly.
Here’s something extra I’d like to contribute to this:
Sexless Marriage
no. If you don’t want to have sex, then why should you? It wouldn’t be good anyway.
@elvesdoitbetter - wonder why he hated women so much?
@PopeOnABomb - Let me hear your body talk, your body talk!
I don’t see how that has to do with rape… I think that’s talking about making sure you satisfy your spouse to keep him or her from cheating.
If the wife doesn’t want to do it then that’s fine. A problem is that so many women have been abused as childen and it affects their adult life in a very negative way so they may have some psychological problems that need to be taken care of. If that’s the case then life can be miserable for the husband ( or visa versa ) eventhough there is love in the relationship. Therapy isn’t something to be afraid of.
@elvesdoitbetter - Your analogy doesn’t hold water. Take the Bible for what it says. It’s good for a man not to marry. That’s self explanitory. ….better to marry than to burn with lust sleeping around with everyone and only thinking about sex all the time…is the way I understand the passage. I don’t understand why the Roman Catholic priests are not allowed to marry ( by their own choice ). There is a lot of sex that happens anyway with them so back to the passage of the Bible
Jesus knew all about erotic love, He created it. Did you know He is believed to have been madly in love with a prostitute?
@Cognizant_Wolf - It sounds like there are major problems in your marrage. Wives should submit to their husbands, jerks or not.
@designandart - No, there are not major problems in my marriage. I’m assuming from your response that you are male and like to be in control.
@Cognizant_Wolf - No, I need respect and validation.
@designandart - I’m not of the belief that the Bible is a fax from God. I judge it by the same criteria I would any historical or non-fiction text. Which is to say you have to consider who wrote it, why they wrote it, and in what social climate the text was written. This chapter is the words of Paul, not Jesus, so however Jesus felt about the issue is immaterial. I’m not going to take sex and relationship advice from someone who has never had sex or been in a relationship. Just like I’m not going to take advice on how to fix a leaky pipe from someone who has never done any plumbing work, or get help on my Spanish homework from someone who has never spoken or studied the language.
The theme of the whole passage is that lust is a sinful affliction of mankind and you have to either refuse it entirely or, that failing, get married. Viewing marriage as the cross one has to bear when they are too weak to resist their own lust is far from a positive or enriching outlook.
@designandart - Well, if you want respect, then you need to treat your wife with respect at all times. Respect is a two way street buddy.
Validation for what? You shouldn’t need validation for anything. All you want is to be reasurred that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want and still get laid whenever you want; even if it means treating your wife like crap.
Men like you, are the reason women do not trust men anymore.
It’s not wrong to refuse to have sex with your spouse. If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. And that quote, to me, speaks of sex when both partners want it. But, perhaps I’m just interpreting it differently. That’s the thing with the Bible, though. And just about any holy book from any religion. There are about a zillion different ways you can interpret any one thing you can pick out of there.
However, if you rarely ever want to have sex with your spouse, it might be beneficial to go to counseling to see if there is a deeper reason than you are just not in the mood. :/
But, no one should ever be forced. That’s my opinion, anyway.
@elvesdoitbetter - How Jesus felt about this is of the utmost importance and did you know the words from Paul were inspired by God as well? I don’t feel marrage is made of sex only. Love comes in many ways. By the way, I repaired leaky kitchen sink plumbing for my Dad while he was getting ready to sell his house. I hadn’t had any experience but it was pretty easy to figure out.
@NikBv - It’s not a silly topic. It actually happens a lot.
@designandart - ”I don’t feel marrage is made of sex only.”
How you feel about sex and marriage is also immaterial, since we’re talking about what Paul said. In this scripture, he is saying marriage exists to be a sanctified release for sex and lust. What Jesus said on the matter is only relevant to this discussion in so far as the parts Paul chooses to interpret, but it’s still Paul’s interpretation, not the words of Jesus himself.
“By the way, I repaired leaky kitchen sink plumbing for my Dad while he was getting ready to sell his house. I hadn’t had any experience but it was pretty easy to figure out.”
Right, because you learned by doing. This actually goes a long way to prove my point. I might ask for your help to fix a leaky kitchen sink, since I know you’ve done it, but before that you didn’t have any better idea on how to go about it than I would have. I’d be better off learning by trial and error than asking your advice.
@elvesdoitbetter - You’re putting words in Paul’s mouth.
Depriving the one you love of intimacy is the same as depriving them of love period. You must be able to show physical love as well as give emotional love. They go hand in hand.
I think it’s unhealthy to deprive your spouse of sex given you are both healthy and able. It’s one part of marriage that is exclusive to the couple and is a bonding agent. If you let that go, other areas of the marriage and bonding will slip away also (not to mention the tension, bitterness and discontent that follow).
But of course, no still means no, even among married couples.
And people wonder why I don’t marry.
marriage is just thinly veiled masochism and sadism…
Ok…. as a married woman I think I have a little bit more of a say so. (Not saying if you aren’t married you can’t have a valid opinion, but trust me perspectives change when your married.) Yes, I think its absolutely wrong to deprive your spouse of sex. But deprivation isn’t saying “No not tonight honey.. ” a time or two. It is denying them repeatedly for an extended period of time. Lets say… 3 months (I’m a military spouse 3 months without sex seriously isn’t that bad.) I would consider 3 months of my husband being home, and denying me sex over and over again “deprivation”. I would be pissed, and I would certainly have a talk with him, so we could figure out WTF is up. But force him to have sex with me? Even if that were physically possible… No way would I do that to him. I would be more concerned with whats wrong with my husband, and our marriage than I would be getting some. But… the bible is definitely right..”Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.” If your getting it at home, why would you have to go else where?
I wonder if when sex has left a marriage, love didn’t take a hike with it.
“Deprive” does not even come into the picture where rape is involved. Sometimes, especially in marriage, men tend to TAKE without the consent of the wife. That is rape. That is wrong. In marriage, according to the Bible, a husband is also supposed to love his wife and she respect him. He is to love her as Christ loves the church. There is no rape in Christ’s Love.
I don’t know. For the spouse that’s not getting any.
I think I forgot the question when we started singing.
Bam chiki bow-wow!
yikes. lol.
If you’re not in the mood, you’re not in the mood. I mean, come on. It’s not wrong to go a couple days without, but a month or more would be wrong.
That passage is, to my understanding, talking about using sex as a manipulation and leverage point, rather than using sex to gain unity and strengthen the marriage relationship. So I think it’s wrong to deprive my husband of sex just because I’m mad at him.
If there’s a marriage having bigger issues than “You didn’t take out the trash yesterday” and those issues need to be worked out before sex happens again, that’s an entirely difference scenario. The passage mentioned is, again to my understanding, talking about a normal healthy marriage.
I definitely believe spousal rape happens and I definitely KNOW it’s wrong.
~V
That’s not nice…I mean why withhold sex? Thats the point of being married. I think if everybody tried just a little harder to get along we wouldnt have these problems
@Paul_Partisan - *sniff sniff* Is that the scorching scent of bitterness wafting in the air?
That Bible passage talks about mutual respect. Obviously, rape is the opposite of respect. If she doesn’t want to *bom-chicka-wah-wah* at the moment then she shouldn’t have to.
I want to hear more of the song!
lol
But no means no.
Its just not cool to force yourself on to anyone!
Absolutely. Using sex as a weapon or bargaining chip in a relationship only goes to show how little you consider of the other person.
I’m always amazed at the amount of women who have convinced themselves that sex isn’t that big of a deal, and it’s totally okay to deny a husband on a regular basis, without any particular reason.
Very interesting topic on spousal rape.
From my understanding, the blueprint of a happy marriage is enclosed in these words of God;
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
The LEAVING has to do with the legal phase of the marriage ceremony, and it is usually apublic announcement. Also the couple should establish their own home, and that the parents should leave them alone to manage their own business affairs.
The CLEAVING is the personal commitment to marriage, It should be based upon the three Greek word for Love. No marriage should be entered into without Love. God requires love, maarriage , then sex. We have seen in our life time how the word LOVE IS THE MOST ABUSED, MISUSED AND MISEMPLOYED WORD IN OUR VOCABULARY. What most of us call love is really just mushy sentimentatism wrapped in lust. As we know Wall Street and Hollywood has so prostituted the word love, to the extent that millions cannot differentiate between REEL LOVE and REAL LOVE!
The Greek language used love as Eros with is erotic love and senual expression. Philia is companisonship, friendship, which involves a memothional and physical sharing of interest. And agape love is that deep, enduring and spiritual.
Eros produces romance; spouse is your lover: Philia makes your companion , your friend: And agape is total cmmitment to each other. It is selflessness.
In John 15:13-15 Jesus is emphasizing agape love. Only when a marriage partner is willing to give his or her life for his mate or her mate has the deep, penetrating meaning of Love been experienced.
How few marriages have reached this high standard of selfless love.
Ephensian 5:28 “so ought men to love(agape) their wives as their own bodies.
Last but not less, most marriage in our society is based solely on one kind of love eros. It is erotic and romantic, but it is not enduring. It won’t hold up under stress and strain. When problems arise the love vanishes like the deew during th brilliant sun. Sad to say, there are many marriages that don’t even have philia love. Mates are not even good friend. They live under the same roof but are worlds apart.
There should be love, genuine true love, before the one flesh experience, and the wedding.
Gos who created us male and female invented sex, and designed sex to be performed only within the beautiful, blessed boundaries of marriage.
i don’t know. what if there is healthy sex already going on but the husband is a sex maniac and rapes his wife? what if he called his friends over to rape her in front of him to watch?
Is it wrong that I heard in my head “go together like a horse and carriage.”?
But yeah, sorry – just woke up.
Good topic for a blog.
This, of course, all assumes that the wife is depriving the husband of sex. Sometimes it goes the other way, believe it or not. And no, rape is not acceptable in any case. Marriage is about love, union and mutuality. If one spouse doesn’t feel well, or if the other spouse is treating their spouse badly, why would sex be mutually desired? It wouldn’t. Ideally, they should want to have intimacy with each other – what fun would it be if one didn’t want to? I personally couldn’t stand to have sex with someone who is treating me badly, being rude, being a jerk or not treating me like someone he loved and cherished. And yes, husbands can act like that. The whole idea with the Bible passage is that marriage partners need to treat each other with love and respect – respect not meaning subservience, but respecting the other person’s body, feelings, needs and desires, all the way around.
Our laws aren’t supposed to be based on religion.
It is wrong to deprive your spouse of sex IF you are withholding sex as a punishment. If you are simply not in the mood, then NO means NO!
@striemmy - That was my entry and it was not on datinish. The concept is still doing very well in our marriage. Rape in the other hand is a far different thing. It would be imposable to be that selfless with anyone who seriously considers forcing you.
I hope it works for you as well
Depriving him of sex is a good way to get what you want xP
Seriously though, rape is wrong.
Yes, it is wrong to deprive your spouse of your body. But a spouse should also be respectful – if the other partner does not want to share their body for a time, that desire should be respected.
Also, the couple should communicate if there is any particular reason they don’t want to sleep with their spouse so they can correct the issue. That’s just good a relationship tip.
i have never understood “withholding sex” from a spouse as punishment, or because you are mad. that concept is crazy to me. I have friends who do it OFTEN and LONG! i see that as denying myself from the closeness of my spouse as well, and I’m not mad at me! there are other ways to demonstrate anger or upsetness (yes i know that isn’t a word) with your spouse. (using your voice being one–conversation)
i interpret that Bible verse as a warning, that witholding sex from your partner could lead to infidelity or unpure thoughts about others ”due to our (fallen human) lack of self-control”. If intimate needs aren’t being met at home, we don’t have enough control for extended periods to not think/look/daydream elsewhere. Most standard marriage vows say, “keep yourself only unto ______” , well if _______ is constantly not taking care of your intimate needs, than Suzy or Bob might start looking more appealing than ________….that your promised those vows to. And trust me, there are more than ample amounts of people who are in the same boat of the opposite sex that just a little attention to/from each other can end 2 marriages quickly. just look at our society and broken homes!
it only makes sense to me, if your husband/wife is happy and satisfied at home, they have no need to look for greener pastures. (or cheap hotels for lunch flings)
Do I think rape in a home is possible? Yes.
Is it right?. No. There are sick people who do things they shouldn’t everywhere.
But should a wife/husband withhold sex because of an arguement or because they are mad? No.
The Bible verse you referenced makes perfect since to me….Sex is one of the reasons for Christian marriage….and I do see it as a “duty” to sustaining that marriage…if a marriage is healthy, neither party should have to demand the other’s body….they both give it freely and with anticipation and excitement even after 10 years +!!!!!!
To purposely deprive them as a method of revenge/punishment, yes. If you’re tired/not in the mood/stressed/etc that’s different. But to withhold it as a weapon, that’s wrong.
Not necessarily wrong, but it is pretty weird…..why would you not want to make love to the person you love? As far as that Bible verse goes, that’s why I have a problem with the Bible and religion. Why in the fuck would you want to “own” someone? Why the fuck would you want to purposely live a life full of contradiction just to please some being that you can’t see, touch, or anything like that?
you shouldn’t deprive your spouse of sex but they shouldn’t rape you either.
brb gonna raep mai waifu
@trunthepaige - O_O you mean we agree about something?
@morbidcoronerchick - why would you want to do anything for any being, regardless of your ability to sense them? Why do you do things for others?
@abilene_piper_lg - I think deprive means more that you continually refuse to have sex with them, not refuse every now and then because you aren’t in the mood.
I think continually refusing to have sex with your spouse is cruel, but when people get married, they do need to realize that the other person is going to have times when they aren’t in the mood, and that neither of you is a 24-hour sex service, but that you are both people who might not always want sex.
@breaking_expectations - I agree with your comment.
@striemmy - You just had to reply, didn’t you?
If I do anything for anyone it’s because I’ve decided to be kind or because I like/love that person. 
I really have no idea, since I have never been in a situation where I would think about this properly.
But I think if there is a proper reason, like you are ill or really tired or something, then that makes absolute sense. But part of marriage is working hard for each other and putting your spouse before yourself. If it was just a case of “I do not feel like it”, then I would put that aside, because he is my husband. And in return, I would expect the same if ever it was vice versa.
But rape is out of the question.
@morbidcoronerchick - have you ever heard someone speak of loving God or having a relationship wiht Christ?
@striemmy - Yeah…..what does that have to do with your question? You should probably message me.
Should give and get freely without forcing.
I don’t think one should “deprive” their spouse of sex, that being said, deprive is too strong of a word, it sounds so cruel. However If the woman (or man) does not want to have sex, his/her spouse should be respectful of that. Sometimes your are just not in the mood, you don’t feel well, you’ve had a long day, or sometimes arguments and conflict in the marriage may result in just not wanting to have sex with your spouse. However, I believe that if you are with a person you truly love and they truly love you, this would not be an issue.
Damn you, I was just going to post about rape in marriage!
While I do think it’s wrong to deprive your spouse of sex, it’s a two way street, it’s wrong to force your spouse to perform.
I also feel that if it’s something that is continually a problem, both people should probably seek some marriage counseling, because chances are there’s a different issue there entirely.
There’s a difference between not being in the mood, and not wanting to have sex with that person. I think if it gets to that point, whomever is at the end of that spectrum really needs to take a look at their marriage and decide if they’re really in love with their spouse, or just staying with them because it’s convienient.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. After that long, just not as interested anymore. Maybe it is because he isn’t into alot of the fun stuff anymore, maybe it is because we see each other 2x a week, or maybe it is because we are just too tired. Who knows? But depriving, well, keep in mind, if one can not find their favorite food in one store, the person is bound to go looking at another.
Spousal rape- My da and his friend raped my mother. She got pregnant but the question was who was the father. We know now. The thing is, rape is wrong no matter what the circumstance of the couple. Plus, because of what happened, there is a child in this world that is pretty messed up after finding out.
Rape is rape, regardless.
My boyfriend and I didn’t have sex for nearly 3 months when I was in school because I was so stressed, but he never pushed it or even asked me when he knew I would say no. If he had it would have only stressed me more and made me angry, not a loving thing to do at all.
you left out the part of the verse dirctly after that says “this is a concession not a command.”
No means no!
I think you shouldn’t deprive your spouse of sex for a long time but if you don’t feel good then don’t do it. it’s an act of love and if you are not feeling loving towards them then you should not have sex with them. if they force you it’s still rape.
I think it’s a very bad idea.
I have to preface this by saying that under no circumstances can one person be given autonomy over someone else’s person. My body is mine, yours is yours, married or not.
That being said… I can’t necessarily make the argument that I think it is “wrong” to deprive your spouse of sex. But it is pretty stupid. I can think of a lot of circumstances in which I would not really be in the mood for it, and speaking from experience (though I’ve never been married) I know that there are a lot of circumstances that women aren’t in the mood for it as well. But I can’t think of even one of those that, if I were to oblige anyway, despite not being in the mood, that my mood would be worsened by it.
In fact, I can’t think of a situation in which having sex with your spouse would ever make your day worse, barring some kind of very important time constraint or a natural disaster. (“Honey, the building is burning down.” “It’ll be fine, just a quickie before we flee.”)
$0.02
Yes.
@elvesdoitbetter - i agree with what @designandart said.
also, if you need any good recipes, i have a whole bunch. i’ve collected them over my eight years of anorexia. i’m a really good cook, too. my family and friends all want me to go onto MasterChef and compete.
anyway, back on topic.
as far as spousal abuse goes, i think the reason that it’s taking it’s time to be considered a crime is that it is a bit harder then other abuses to define. sorry, that doesn’t sound quite right – it’s harder for the abuser and the abused to realise that it’s going on, because in a marriage or marriage-like relationship there are certain expectations (like, without a good reason one partner won’t say no to sex). i was engaged to a guy who did abuse me, but i figured that it was normal stuff that was going on. as girls, as soon as we have the sex talk we learn that guys can’t help themselves, so when a guy does abuse you in a relationship, you doubt yourself and remind yourself ‘he can’t help it, he’s a guy. if i were to say yes more often then he would be satisfied.’ etc. i know that there are heaps of great, strong girls and women who know that’s a load of BS and don’t do it. i am also aware that relationship abuse does happen where the woman is the abuser. i’m not picking on the male gender, i just haven’t learned about abuse with a woman perpertrator.
a few people have already said it, i think, but to me that verse is about sharing your bodies. when you get married, ‘two become one’. your bodies belong to each other. it doesn’t mean it’s okay for one person to force their partner into sex, but it’s also not okay to withold sex to get your own way. both people in a relationship are meant to help and uplift the other, the more each partner tries to please the other, the better the relationship will be (provided both are doing that, otherwise the one giving all the time becomes resentful).
That verse sounds like it probably meant something more along the lines of adultery than spousal rape, at least to me.
Anyways, everyone is entitled to making choices for themselves whether they’re married or not, no means no. However I’m sure it’s not a thing taken too seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of somebody complain of being raped by their husband/wife. Of course I could definitely be missing something.
I think sex is necessary in a relationship and that you belong to each other is in a sense what the concept of being faithful is, or at least that is how I interpret that paragraph you quoted. I want to belong to him and hopefully he wants to belong to me.
That he is not in the mood is fine with me, and he is fine if I am tired or so on. But IF it ( not having that physical connection) goes on for an extended period of time to me it indicates a problem in the relationship.
That quote made a lump grow in my stomach. -.- I’m not partial to burning books, but things like that make me consider it.
I remember watching some old Oprah episode with my boyfriend’s mom about a woman who was raped by her husband. I only remember a few details…but I mostly remember her confusion about what she should do. She wasn’t even sure she could report spousal rape, thinking it wasn’t considered a crime. The fact that she didn’t know if it was illegal or not actually frightened me. I started wondering how many women out there have gone through the same thing with the same question and figured spousal rape wasn’t even a crime.
There isn’t enough awareness for this sort of thing in my opinion…and it’s not just husbands raping their wives. It could also be wives raping their husbands, how ever rare that may be.
I’m glad you posted this. :]
yes. that’s a really good verse.
Rape is a crime of violence. It doesn’t happen because one person in the partnership just doesn’t want to have sex for the night. It happens because one partner wants to exert power over the other.
This quotation, like almost all biblical quotations, is taken out of context. Read the whole chapter. Paul was answering a question about abstaining from sex. He says that it’s a good thing, but because it’s really really hard, the sacrament of marriage is in place to satisfy sexual urges.
This makes me wonder what people think marriage is, especially since sexual relations are so common outside of marriage. In Christianity, a big reason to get married is to be able to have sex. With that attitude, a married person won’t really ever feel like not having sex. It still happens though, and it’s not a big deal if it’s because of tiredness or health because I’m sure the spouse will understand. I hope it’s not an attempt to spite or punish the spouse though, that creates a similar situation as rape, of one person exerting power over another. I’m pretty sure the Bible speaks out against oppression, but I’m sure someone somewhere will come up with a quotation taken out of context to say I’m wrong.
I don’t think I intentially deprive my husband of sex, but there are definitely times when he’s in the mood & I’m not, so it doesn’t happen. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Believe it or not, there have been (VERY FEW) times in which the tables were turned & he deprived me. But then again, we’re talking like maybe a day or two without, not weeks or months… that wouldn’t be right, and I could see why THAT would lead to cheating, or marriage issues.
That verse changes dramatically depending on which version of the Bible you’re reading. I think the one you have up there is KJV, if I’m not mistaken.
Everyone is their own person and no other person should ever have domain over someone else. The ONLY time sex is alright is when ALL parties involved are willing and able; married or not is irrelevant.
Im not christian, so I say kill the rapists, whether it be spouse or not. Your body is FULLY YOUR OWN! If a man ever does something that your uncomfortable with dont justify it with religion or love! its sick and wrong. stick up for yourself
Rape is never okay, whether it is within the context of marriage or not. It is also not cool to deprive your spouse of sex. But, husband and wife should be understanding and sensitive to each other’s needs……….which means they should understand that the other will not always be in the mood.
Yes, I think it’s wrong to deprive your spouse of sex. That being said, if one partner is not in the mood or sick or tired or has a headache or (insert sex excuse here), etc., then that’s not being unloving unless you make a habit of it. Say “yes” next time. Here’s an idea, you do the asking next time.
Couples that have sex at least once per week are less likely to divorce.
I BELIEVE IT’S WRONG TO DEPRIVE ONESELF OF SEX. Stuff your husband, but I’m currently celebate, so what do I know?