November 29, 2009
-
Save Your Son or Your Spouse?
I found this issue on fark.com. A man came down a road following his wife and son in the car.
The car with his wife and son went off the road and was sinking in the water. He had to decide to save his wife or to save his son. He saved his wife and his son died. Here is the link: Link
Would you save your child or your spouse?
Comments (139)
Save the dog.
That’s the hardest question to answer! Do you want to bury your spouse or you child? I don’t know…
spouse. you can make another kid. & teach that one to swim real good.
That’d be such a terrible decision. I don’t know which I’d choose.
I was actually talking to my husband a few nights ago about if we were in a plane that was going down; would he put the oxygen mask on me before he put it on himself. He said he would put oxygen masks on our children first … I have to say I agree. Children first; you are supposed to protect them — thats why they were given to you.
what a terrible decision to have to make in the first place
but i’d probably pick my spouse
Like another xangan would say: “das fucked up.”
I believe the wife would want me to save our son.
spouse. you can always make another kid haha.
My children are all much better swimmers than either my husband or I so this would probably not be an issue but if it did we both would put the children first.
Oh god that’s tough. If it were me and my child drowning, I’d hope my wife would save my child. That’s a tough situation, but I’d have to probably say my child (I’d think any parent would gladly die in place of their child).
Depends on the spouse and the kid. Who I liked more. Who I could live without. What would my spouse want me to do and how old the kid was.
Think I might go for the son, he’ll be lighter to save if I had* to save someone
Did they get knocked unconscious or something? Because you’d think a 13-year old could escape by himself . . .
I’m not sure what I would choose, since I have neither a spouse or a kid, but probably husband.
And getting stuck in a car underwater is my only big fear, because I’m a decent swimmer and when I was little we almost hit a car on the Savannah, Georgia, bridge. *Shudders*
I think I would save my wife. But then, I’m not married so I can’t really say.
I might save my wife before my child =/
I would save my child first.
I feel like some people are being selfish. I would save my child and I would hope that my husband would want me to do the same.
that’s rough. I think I’d save my husband, but…I don’t know.
Single.
Without a moment’s hesitation; my son. Hubby and I have actually discussed this; both would want the child saved over ourselves.
Radio.
I’d probably try to save both, even if the attempt does register as irrational.
Gah, I’d go for the kid!
I actually have no idea which is harder to lose, but I have a feeling your spouse would want you to save the child, too.
My son.
I would choose my spouse because emotionally they would both be equal but in practicality the spouse makes more sense, because you can have more children (or adopt) and get through the grief together. But if you choose the child and let the spouse die, you lose someone you depend on, possibly financially and other wise, you lose someone to raise that kid with, life becomes so much harder needlessly, and the child must grow up without a mother/father.
being a mother of 2, i would save my child/ren over my spouse. and i know my spouce would do the same.
that is one of the worst decisions anyone can ever have to make.. omg >.<
I’ll tell you when I have both.
@frozencherries - Thats terrible. >.<
I really don’t know, I think my intial reaction would be save my son, because my spouse is another adult, and is as strong as me. My son however is weaker, and needs more help.
Child! I’m sure the couple isn’t old….but you’ve had a semi long life. This kid is just starting out….he has his whole life in front of him. I know my husband would want me to save our daughters. And I would expect that same decision on him.
That’s gotta be pretty fucking hard.
Spouse. I would save my husband (to be). I love him more deeply, more passionately, and more fully than I could ever love a child – because I am created to be his help-meet. A child, not that he/she is replaceable, is just NOT the same as a spouse.
I would save the child first, because I know that’s what my husband would want. I expect he would do the same.
oh this is so sad
Wow. He’s going to feel the guilt for that for the rest of his life.
I would want to save my husband, and I feel awful about not wanting to save a child. But I mean, you can always have more kids right? You can’t find that kind of romantic connection with anyone. Idk I’m not a mother.
Oh I’d so get them both. Aquatics major and lifeguarding for the win!
I think I would save my spouse first, thinking that he could help me save my child… but I don’t think I could make the choice if I knew one would die… I don’t know what I would do.
My husband for sure.
We can always make another kid
and if we couldn’t we could adopt.
I couldn’t live without my husband.
I could live without my kid…
i’d try to save both. no kidding, this is a tough situation. but if i had to pick, i think i’d eventually go for my son, because i’d expect my spouse to be strong and mature enough to figure out how to get out on their own…
omfg this situation is horrible
I dont know.
I would probably go for the child simply because I’d assume the adult could get out on their own.But really, how terrible.
The Kid. The Spouse. There is no question. Now two people will live their lives knowing they didn’t save their kid.
@TheGiantSlayer - Agreed.
Whomever you can get to first………or if both could be saved, then save yourself.
Save the spouse. You can make another son. Unless the spouse is a bitch/asshole. Then save the kid.
The kid. At least your kid will take care of you when you’re old.
… if not you can guilt trip them with.. “I shouldn’t have let your mom die… it should have been you”
Hmmm. I have neither spouse nor child.
Son, probably.
I’d save myself and collect the insurance money.
With newfound wealth, I’d be able to afford an upgrade on the bitch I play house with.
my husband better choose our son over me.
my husband and i have talked about this. i told him, i would never forgive you if you saved me, not her. he said the same thing.
The wife.
I have to agree with most other answerers and say spouse… as terrible as that sounds. I hope I never have to make that decision.
You always pose the most uplifting questions.
@impossibleangles - Yep. Indeed.
My son first, hopefully both
@dlmcniel - now that’s the fucking attitude to have ha ha
I could not live with myself without trying to save both. Simple as that. THere is no choice. I either save them both or I die trying.
that is such an awful decision to have to make.
I would spouse, because like someone above said, you can always have another child (as horrible as that sounds).
but I also want to say save the child… because it’s barely begun it’s life and you can’t take that chance away from it.
At first I wanted to say I’d save my kid because he’d have a lot more life to live but then again it’s your spouse and I would hope my spouse would be someone I love so much that I can’t picture being married or with anybody else. and since you can always have another kid… I’m gonna say kid. Or whichever one was easier to save at the time. Idk. I can’t honestly say right now.
@frozencherries - ”& teach that one to swim real good.” you made my night!
I believe I chose my spouse the last time I was asked a similar question, burning building and it was theoretical instead, for the same reason as most people who chose their spouse over their child have already stated.
the child
How sad. My husband would want me to save our child and I would want him to save our child. Same wavelength.
I think the people who are saying “spouse” don’t have kids.
I would save my KIDS! And my spouse would want that. Same for me, if *he* were in that position. I’d want him to save our children. What good would my life be if my children were dead? Especially knowing that they could have been saved, but he chose to save me instead.
I plan on marrying a swimmer…
I’d save my spouse. I can make more kids.
…i’m single.
Spouse.
Either way, the rest of your life would be ruined.
Child, they do not try to divorce you and take half.
“You can always have more kids.”
Just because you can have more kids, doesn’t mean that it’ll replace the love you had for the child that you lost.
If I had a child and spouse and was put into this situation, I’d save my child. I’m sure my spouse would feel the same.
I would say my kid, because my spouse has had time to live my child hasn’t. I can’t really say what I would do for real in that situation but I think the kid. Even if he chose his wife first, I’m sure as hell not going to sit on the shore praying that everything is ok, I’m going to try to say my kid and If I die atleast I know I was trying.
@frozencherries - HAHA!!
Is anyone else a little disturbed at the “we can always have another kid” comments?????
I think my spouse would want me to save the kid.
@n0mn0mn0m - I am D=
Child.
I would save my child first, it is my responsibility to protect my child. When I decided to be a mother, I took on all the responsibilities of being a mother. And I’ll tell you what, I’d expect my husband to do the same. Because if he saved me instead of our son, I would beat the hell out of him every day of my life.
@n0mn0mn0m - I’m extremely disturbed by those comments. As far as I’m concerned, if your outlook is, “we can always have another kid” then you don’t need to have another kid. Because you obviously weren’t responsible enough to protect the first one.
That is definitely something you can’t really decide until you are put into that situation.
It’s really a split second decision and you have to go with your first instinct.But as of right now, I would probably go for the kid first. They are less likely to be able to help themselves and more likely to panic than an adult.
@dlmcniel - you can major in aquatics?
one on left hand and the other one in right hand~
than you can save both of them…
my child
No one can plan ahead for something like this. They can try, but I doubt anyone really knows what they would do in this situation.
That’s a horrible situation to be in, but I would say…my child. In life, we need to put our children first. Yes, having my SO die would be very hard on me, but I couldn’t live with myself if I let either of my children die. They mean the world to me and we are put on this earth to protect the innocent children. What kind of mother would I be if I let one of my babies die?? Sorry, but I would have to go with my child…and I just can’t believe how many comments I am reading saying they would save their spouse. Are you kidding me?
Hypothetically, I’d choose my spouse. But since I don’t like children, nor want them, I won’t have to make that decision.
i would save my son. either way that husband must feel really guilty.
@n0mn0mn0m - i am
my choice: my son/daughterand i’ll want my husband to do the same(heh i have neither of it now though >.
That’s a terrible position to be put in. And I don’t think anyone can accurately know what they would do in such a situation if they have not been put in it. And I would not wish that situation upon anyone!
I would hope that I would save my child. But, I can see how someone might make the opposite decision.
well i’m not married yet neither do i have a child, so for now, my answer would be to save my spouse first.
Spouse.
Wow….what a horrible choice to have to make. That said, without a doubt I’d save my son first. I would expect my husband to save the kids before me as well.
thats a tough question…i would save my husband…
I would save my children.
umm, wow. you are harsh buddy! but your questions are always eye catching.
Child. Always the child. My spouse would do the same.
@Chemical_Bindings - I agree. And all the people who say spouse have probably never had kids. At least I hope not…
That is very sad. The wife was saveable in this case, and it was clearly the choice that could lead to some success/life. If I actually had a choice in such a circumstance, I’d choose my spouse. We are one, and taking care of one’s children is better done without causing them to lose a parent.
I read the article and it sounds like the wife was easier to save than the son, so he chose her. He did manage to save her, so maybe he made the right call… it’s hard to say… if he’d gone for the son who was more difficult to save, maybe all 3 of them would have drowned :(
What a question and would not like to have to pick or be in this situation never.
I don’t understand everyone saying they would be outraged at their spouse for saving their life over the child. I also don’t understand those women who say that their lives are essentially worthless without their kids. Nothing you were doing was important before childbirth? I think I would choose my husband before my child, and hope that he would do the same.
I would save my kid over my spouse (if I had either), they kid would be younger and have more life left to live. Plus I think the spouse would feel HORRIBLE for being saved over there child (well I would be).
Child, without a doubt.
my child first.
save the kid! they’re young, they have their whole life ahead of them to be a great person…
I wouldn’t choose. I would whatever was possible to save them both.
This article is too sad ..that teenager had a life ahead and still so much to live…. what a real shame. If i were married and had to choose between my son or hurband i would give my life and save both without a doubt.
If you wouldn’t save your child then there is something very fucking wrong with you.
The amusing thing is that the survivor would resent you for not saving the other instead. Regardless of what your decision was.
the kid, you’re supposed to protect them.
It’s difficult. You see, the child would have so much trust in you, as they look up to your for protection and guidence. Sure, some people say you could always make another child with your partner, but the loss of the child would be devastating, and it might make a parent become over protective of another child. And when the child is born, how could a parent not think of the one they lost in the accident, the one they could have chosen to save?
Your partner is bound to you by love. And eventually, people usually get sick of being with a person for such a long period of time in marriage, which results in divorce. However, a child is your own flesh and blood, something you created. It is the most creative, brilliant and beautiful thing any human being can make. I say creative because a child will develop it’s own personality, and become who they are due to their parents guidence. If that makes sense
It does in my head!
Yes, it’s a very very difficult decision. But although i am very young, i already know that i would save the child. You will have something to care for, and although the child will have lost a parent, which would be a tragic thing to happen to anyone, the child will pull through, and in doing so a stronger relationship will be formed. The amount of trust and love a child has for you is incredible, as you’re the one they will always come to when troubled or anything. You will have had the experiance of loving someone with all your heart, which everyone should experiance. The child, being young, will not have had this experiance, and so by saving it you create even more love in this cold world.
Being a child myself, i know my mother would save me first. If she didn’t, i would feel completely alone and betrayed. Trust is such a delicate yet strong thing. It’s so easy to break.
So all that said, i would save the child
they can go on to make lovely babies of their own one day, and it is a parent’s duty to protect them… in my opinion 
depends how old i am– if i were speaking on evolutionary terms it’d be the son, because he’s young and he can produce more kids than me. however if it was a baby boy and i was in my 20s or 30s, my spouse. of course, both are replaceable at that age.. i could find some random dude to knock me up if i lost my kid and we couldn’t produce.. i mean.. anyway. or i could go adopt and me and my wife would be happy. but… if you were to ask me to answer honestly i’d say the kid again.
Child. The kid’s more than likely gonna live longer than me anyway. That is assuming that the child isn’t a baby/toddler.
I would save my child because they have a longer time to be alive. My spouse would have had a [hopefully] fulfilling life and would gladly go to heaven to spare our childs life.
I’ll definetly save my kid. After all, the kid is your blood. You can always find another spouse.
@n0mn0mn0m - YES.
Whoever was closest probably,I do not think I could pick.
DAYMN. i wouldn’t know.. er er er er er er er grab someone to help me get both !
my child without a single doubt in my mind
Spouse, the other kids depend on him for survival. Also, if I got him out he might be able to save the kid.
I’d save the child.
Vehicle submersion drownings occur approximately 300 times per year in the US; all of these deaths are preventable. Joking about them is upsetting to those of us who have lost loved ones in this manner. Frankly, there is no need to choose among survivors. Everyone can escape through a window and climb atop the vehicle. Had my grandson known the most effective escape method, he would be alive today. Since his death I have made it my mission in life to educate the public in the correct survival method. The Indiana State Police dive team has prepared a video that teaches this simple method. Go to
http://www.igot2know.com/action/viewvideo/234/Two_Minutes_to_Survival/
View the video. Learn how to survive and how to save everyone in the vehicle. Tell everyone you know. This is not a laughing matter. It can happen anywhere, any time, to anyone.
Spouse, because you can always make another kid.
@Losertastic - Probably right.
@the_mamarazzi - I think it would partly depend on the situation. The man in the article said he tried to get to his son but it was too far, and his wife was going down, so he took her to the bank. He tried again, but could not reach his son.
If all things were equal, I would go for the teenager first. On the other hand, if it were a small child, there have been cases where a small child can go longer without air than an adult and still be revived, so in that case I may try to save the spouse first.
But ultimately, in a situation like that, it would be difficult to decide what to do, especially if you are a poor swimmer.
You can’t get your son pregnant with a new wife.
Everybody says the spouse. No one really know until they’re up for it.
That is a terrible decision to make, but without a doubt, I would save my children before my husband. That having been said, I would still die to try to save him, but he is a grown adult and more able to fend for himself, than are my kids. I am their mom, and it is my duty and instinct to protect them. Also, I know that if my husband did survive, at the expense of my children’s lives, he would never forgive himself, anyway, and I also know that he would give his life for them, in a heartbeat, so he would want me to rescue them, instead.
It is completely obvious that everyone who says they would save their spouse, does not have children of their own. I know it sounds like a cliche, but you truly have NO idea what it is like to feel real unconditional love, until you parent a child. As much as you would give your life for your boyfriend/husband/whatever, anything you feel for him/her is DWARFED by the love and protection you feel for your child. And no, it’s not because you are not important, aside from your child, but when you are a parent, protecting your child becomes you most important task. Trust me, the minute you have a kid, you’ll be changing your answer. You’ll believe in love at first sight, too.
I’d like to think that i would save my child but in the heat of the moment you go for who you can’t live without. It may be easier losing a child for some people because you still have your spouse to support you in your hard time. Your child doesn’t understand and needs more support than you do.
I wouldn’t have to go after either. My husband would get out carrying our son… but if I did have to go in after one, it would be my son. My husband is great in water & would make it out anyways, but my son is only three…
My child. Period.
the child because he has so much more to live for
Wow, what a question. If I had a husband and children, I would have discussed this with him. But my gut instinct is to save the child.
Child.