January 23, 2010
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Child Support When It’s Not Yours
A man is being forced to “pay more than $10,000 in back child support” even though he has taken a DNA test proving he is not the father of a 15-year-old girl. Here is the link: Link
Men are sometimes required to pay child support if they were married to a woman who lied to them about being the father of the child. Usually the cases involve a marriage where a woman has cheated and continued to lie to the husband about the child being his long after a divorce.
Courts in some states require men to pay child support if it is in the “best interest of the child” even if the mother lied to him about being the father.
Do you think a man should have to pay child support if the child is not his child?
Comments (95)
Oo! Now that sucks! I would say if the child is not his then he should not be required to pay.
Hell no, the whore needs to find her baby’s daddy! Go to the maury show!
Not forced, no. But if the man has raised the child as his own for as long as the child remembers, you would think there would be some sort of moral obligation. It’s not the kid’s fault that their mom is a lying whore.
Did I just say that?
Child support should be done away with. why have children and fight for them in court if you can afford to have them on your own. if you cant support your own damn kids; the state should take them away. do away with child support period.
Hell no. If a woman truly wants to be treated equally she should support her own damn child
Idk. I guess it kind of depends on the circumstances. :/
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - Because in some cases the mom is a stay at home mom who didn’t expect to be dumped by the dad and now has no way to pay to keep that child fed. Child support is for the CHILD not the parent.
@seriously_meredith - then that child should go to the dad if thats the damn case; take a minute and think about that. for the better of the child.
This is disgusting. It’s like the government likes to take people’s money away from them just because it can.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - So a single mother shouldn’t receive any support for her child just because she and the child’s father didn’t work out? That doesn’t make any sense to me. Also, there’s the issue of whether men should have any say in whether a woman gives her child up for adoption, has an abortion or keeps the child. It’s pretty sticky, but in most cases, I think the father should have to pay child support.
I think if there is any doubt, every man should ask for a DNA test soon after birth. In general, I think that if a mother and father are married, this isn’t even an issue, but if they ever get divorced, that would be the first thing I would suggest to do – take a DNA test in case something arises. I don’t think it’s necessarily in the best interests of the child (as the article states) for someone who is not married to the mother and is not the child’s biological father to have to pay child support. To me, that just makes ZERO sense.
If the bitch is that irresponsible, she should have to pay for it on her own.
@Morningstarrising - why dont you put on your thinking caps. so no matter what the woman should get the child? WRONG! then that child should go to the dad. whats it like being a rocket scientist? you didnt even really answer the question; why have children and fight for them in court if you can afford to have them on your own?
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - You will not get many fans for that. Think, just a minute. You should not have a child with a woman you plan on leaving. Just because it grows in the woman’s belly does not mean the man has no responsibility! When couples part the child still needs to be supported.
In cases where the woman cheated and lied, a resounding NO! Whoever she cheated with should be held responsible. And if she keeps on lying she ought to be punished!
Nobody should ever have to support a child. Ever.
It depends on the circumstances. If the child wasn’t “his” but he raised the child as his own, then left, then he should still have to pay. But if they just had a fling and the man was uninvolved after that, then the paternity test should end it for him. Depending on the situation, the woman may have to be prosecuted for fraud.
definately no
Uhh, no.
I don’t believe a man should be forced to pay for a child that isn’t is.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - Because not everyone expects to get divorced when they have a child with someone. A child is not a dog or cat that you can let go and then get a new one when you can afford it, a child is a part of you that you love more than yourself and would do anything to keep and make happy. If that child’s other parent decides to move on, then they should pay to keep that child fed and clothed and in school.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - In that case the father does not want the child, so why should the child be forced to live with him just because he has the money?
I can’t fathom why DNA tests aren’t performed for every pregnancy in the first place. That would eliminate all these scammers.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - It’s to support the child, not the mother. Both parents decided to have sex; both should be financially responsible for the child. How hard is that to understand? Both parents are legally responsible – if the father decides to get up and leave his family, then absolutely he should have to pay child support.
@coolmonkey - I imagine because the majority of spouses trust each other.
Sounds like both of them are pretty low life characters. The woman is a cheat and liar. She lied to both the man and the child for a very long time. The man’s not a whole lot better he pretended to be a father for 15 years and suddenly dumped a child because of DNA? How lowlife is that? Neither of them are fit to parent children. Oh and no the man should not be forced to pay child support for a child that’s not his. If he were any kind of decent human being he would sue for custody and raise her himself. She deserves to have at least one parent who loves her for who she is and doesn’t lie to her. I feel so sorry for that poor girl.
HELL NO! that’s awful! cruel, cruel women.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - I personally find that offensive. My mother is disabled and can’t support me on her own, so she requires child support from my father. Now, give the kid to the father you say? MY father is in prison for murder and attempted murder. He’s also an abusive alcoholic. Still want to give me away to him?
no
Did he raise the child as his own and was he married to the Mother? If not, and if he is some guy she just named because she can’t remember who she slept with, then no way.
If the gloves don’t fit you must acquit
Absolutely not. That’s messed up.
Your wife’s child is your child, it is the law and it is not an unjust law. The fact that a man would try to abandon a child he raised from day one. Well his wife might be a whore, but he is a cold hearted bastard.
A disloyal whore is likely a better wife than the man ever deserved.
As to these sperm donors who did not marry the woman or ever raise the child. This is a travesty. You should not just force a man to pay for a womans mistake, just because it’s good for the child. A child he had nothing to do with
I think it is wrong to force a man to pay child support for a kid that is not his biologically…unless he had adopted it.
Only if he wants to.
The current laws for child support, custody and control are severely outdated. They focus on the age-old adage that the women is the victim and the best person to raise the child. That’s not always the case, as evidence that a 15-year old girl is not the biological offspring of the father. In this such case, I could see if he wanted nothing to do with the girl then she should be placed in foster care and the mother jailed for fraud and perjury. In many cases it would probably be a matter of the father assuming full custody of the child and the mother incarcerated.
But as a father myself, I know how much I love my son. I don’t know that it change very much if I found out he’s not mine but I know it would hurt very much. Everything you’ve ever felt for that child will feel like a lie and it will be very hard to make that decision to remain their parent. While I can’t justify the option to leave, I can sympathize with the emotions they would be going through. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone.
No.
Florida is actually one of the worst states when it comes to mens’ rights in cases of divorce and child custody
No. But I think that if the man had raised that child as his, yes. It isn’t the childs fault the mother lied, so the child should not be punished. I think that the amount should be lowered in such case.
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - If the father does NOT want the child then he shouldn’t have the child no matter if he can provide, just give the money to the mother so she can take care of the child. That way the child would be with a parent that does want the child and will also get what he needs to survive. A child doesn’t just need food, water, and shelter. A child needs love or that child will die a different kind of death, and/or suffer from more things then is necessary.
I think he should have the choice.
Naaah.
No. If the woman lied to the man then it’s her responsibility to deal with it. He shouldn’t have to pay for a child that’s not his.
@Morningstarrising - Trust is just an excuse to be unprepared.
HECK NO. Man, I feel bad for those men.
For the sake of the child, yes. I would hope that bonds of affection would overcome the absence of blood ties.
So it would depend on how long the man was a father to the child.
Only if there was an adoption.
Otherwise, track down the real dad and stick it to him.
P.S.
No alimony for cheats.
If he is not the dad, why should he pay?
Like you’ve written, this is a public policy created to support the best interests of the child. Regardless of the reasons as to why the man believed he was the father of the child when he was not, the child can bear no responsibility for such things. And the child’s needs for support do not end upon the man’s discovery that he is not a child and wishes to divorce the mother of the child. People may wish to condemn the mother of the child if she willfully misrepresented to the man that he was the father of the child. However, forcing the mother to bear the complete financial burden of raising a child will likely be detrimental for the child, again, who had no part in the underlying reasons as to why the man believed that the child was his or held himself out to be the father of the child.
What a scam, so “best interest of the child” is their justification? What about the interests of the man being forced to pay? Why is he being treated as a second rate citizen in comparison to someone else’s child. Child support is a very expensive financial burden for most who are forced to pay it. Paying it is taking a chunk out of that guy’s health, happiness and freedom in life. They’re basically enslaving him through a false debt. As for the guy they mentioned who lost $80,000, he should be entitled to sue the mother for that amount plus interest.
This is such a complicating situation. The mother obviously was a cheating liar, and the father (or not the father, I guess) is an innocent bystander. HOWEVER, he has raised this child as his own, and it is in NO WAY the child’s fault… so for him to leave the child out to dry isn’t fair either. It’s a dirty situation, but any man with character should WANT to be involved in the child’s life, child support and all, since he’s been there for 15 years.
No.
I would say no, but if he raised the child her whole life, then I would think he would want to pay it. I’m sure he’s probably pretty mad at the mother, and doesn’t want to help her out, but the child shouldn’t have to suffer because of that.
I don’t think he should be forced though, if it was proven that he’s not the real father.
What most people don’t get about child support is that it’s not about the parents, it’s about the children. If he’s been raising her child, of course he has to continue to support it.
Well, it depends, if you can prove that the “father” had been a real father figure, than yeah. it’s not really fair to go find the guy who really fathered the kid 15 yrs later, who had no idea about his child, and force him to pay. I think any normal man would be willing to step up to the challenge to the best of his abilities, but the courts are skewed to view every dad as a potential deadbeat it seems, because if you don’t have a job they make you pay even more if the judge doesn’t like you, and because you can’t make that payment, you end up in jail anyways. My bf works in corrections and believe me when I say that in certian places, the number of people in jail for unpaid child support far exceeds the number of people in jail for drugs, or assualt charges…and it hurts them more. Most men are TRYINg hard to make child support payments but can’t even support themselves because of the economy, or the job market, and after being jailed, well no one wants to hire them, so it’s right back into jail for them, because they can’t pay. it’s a vicious sad cycle for men, when there are ALOT of women who see it as a payment so that they don’t have to work. I really believe that women should have to work or show evidence of providing equally for their child. You can’t tell me a mother can’t work 9-3 while her child is in school, or start a home business…..some women have babies for a paycheck. i also know this because i’ve heard some sad converstions that women have had in the checkout line where i used to work (in a low economic area, where most people were on foodstamps…etc )….it’s freaking ridiclous!!!!
It seems a little disconcerting and unfair to the non-biological fathers, doesn’t it?
no
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - What if the parent is a completely wonderful parent to their child, but can’t get a job that pays enough to support them (epsecially in this economy). children are expensive and relationships don’t always work out… that’s not the child’s fault. They should have to go hungry, or suffer the the trauma of being taken away from their family because their parents relationship didn’t work out. That’s not fair to them.
As to answer the original question, no, definitely not, though as someone stated if they took part in raising the child or care about them at all, there should be some moral obligation there. But no one should be FORCED to pay someone money for a child that isn’t theirs.
Depends. Did the raise the child as his own for her whole life? You would think there is some sort of ethical or emotional obligation. No it’s not an ideal situation, but there is more to family than blood. If he can just drop his responsibility and his bond to that child because she is not biologically his then maybe he shouldn’t pay, but if there is some father-child bond then I would think he ought to pay… at least in part…
I dont think there is a right answer to this question. obviously the woman was an idiot for cheating and lying. the man doesnt deserve this. but, what about the child that thought this person was the father? and now he just banishes because hes not her bio dad. this whole situation just sucks. i feel sorry for the child.
It should be optional. In the end, it is the girl who loses, because not only has she been lied to, discovered her mom messed around while married, and now the man she called “Dad” for years is not, and wants no part of her life.
The guy really should think about the girl he called his for many years, and how his actions might hurt her. If he showed her love as a father before, he should suck it up and still love the girl, no matter how much he is angry at the mom. The mom, well, she is just awful.
That’s kind of a tough call. Normally I’d say that it isn’t his problem if it isn’t his child, but I can understand it being for the best interest of the kid. Really though, how often does that money even get spent on the child, you know? I think that often times that mother’s milk the situation.
Here are two ideas I have one the mother will be forced to pay back the child support after a certain amount of time. Or even better the real father of the child and the morther must pay the child support back. The court is unreasonable in this aspect.
Succubi don’t eat the souls of men from intercourse. That’s a myth..
They just suck their wallets dry pulling shit like this.
- Kunoichi
And that’s the part of the story where I move to an island and let the broad bear the brunt of her own foolishness.
Something seems amiss here. Why is it that the biological father isn’t paying support? If the man signed something that basically consents that acknowledges the situation and accepts the child as his own, then bails, then he should have an obligation to make certain the child is cared for. If the woman hides it and the moment the truth comes out, the guy bails, then something is still messed up there because if he loved the child, he wouldn’t leave them in the dust. As for this case, it’s a tough call and the sad truth is that both parents seem to be acting in completely self-serving ways. This isn’t even about the child in spite of the fact that the poor kid is at the center of the issue. My honest opinion is that the two should have to work things out. In a mess like this, any other ruling one could make just seems unfair and impartial.
no, unless he loves the child and wants to keep in touch.
I think those children need someone looking out for them.
No. It should be his choice whether or not he wants to continue the support. This is why I feel like a dna test should be done whenever a mother/father has to pay child support, period, to stop these sorts of cases.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
but I know that in Florida, if you are married and your wife has a child, then you are legally responsible for that child. you are the father, unless you take a DNA test, then you’re good.
@coolmonkey -
Maybe I’m naive and still believe in things like loyalty and faithfulness, but I find that kind of thinking to be very sad.
I do have to amend my original thought about this case. Thinking about it, the child’s needs should come first. If this man has been the “father” for 15 years, I’m thinking there must have been some indication this child was not his own. Poor kid. I feel bad for the child more than anything else. What a crappy situation.
This is why I use condoms and flush them when after usage.
No, he shouldn’t. My brother in law is in that situation. He had a really sucky lawyer that told him to not get the DNA test because he might be charged with statutory rape (he doesn’t “remember” sleeping with her and she lied about her age, but could describe his apartment down to a T). Then the lawyer told him he didn’t have to show up to court, and then the lawyer didn’t show up to court either so it was defaulted the kid is his and he has to pay back child support. The kid doesn’t even look like him and his wife bought a DNA Paternity test, but he never went to go and get the test done with the child. Now the woman moved and they can’t get in contact with her, so because he waited like a year and was a dumbass about it he never got the DNA test and now he can’t.
No. Coming from a child of divorced parents, the ex-wife should really know who the “baby-daddy” is. Seriously now.
NO. that’s final. it’s not even his child!
@trunthepaige - That explains the story, thanks!
Right, let me take a second to think about tha- FUCK NO!
Not his child, not his problem. In fact, he should sue their asses for this affront on him.
Of course not. I can’t even believe that happens. That’s just one of those laws that make sense, like how you can be taken to court if you harm a robber that comes into your house. I don’t understand how people BREAKING the law – with clearly no respect for the law – are PROTECTED by the law.
In the animal kingdom, it is not uncommon for an alpha male to kill children that of his kin.
I completely feel for this guy and feel very strongly about this sort of thing in general. Legislation should be put into place to protect these men. I think women should get nothing in these type of situations. Oh wait- maybe some mandated parenting classes?!?! Family court needs to start whipping these liars into shape. It’s the child who suffers in the end. NO child should be treated like a meal ticket.
SHAME ON ALL THE WOMEN WHO DO THIS!
If he has been the child’s only father since they were born or from a very young age, then yes, he should be obligated to pay child support for the child. If it’s a matter of purposely being deceived for the express purpose of getting money out of the man and that he’s never actually been a father to the child, then no, he shouldn’t have to pay, but there are instances when he should have to.
the mamarazzi pretty much said it for me
If he took responsibility for the child before the marriage/relationship failed, why does he get to toss that out the window now?
I agree it’s wildly unfair, but at the same time, he did act like it was his child, and for all intensive purposes, that child became his. Blood doesn’t define family. People do.
I think that in this particular case, the guy should not have to pay child support, because the child isn’t his. I also think that if you cannot or are not willing to take care of your children, then you shouldn’t have them. Throwing them in the system might not be the best thing for them, but things could be a lot worse if the children remain with their parents. I also think that, if the mother isn’t a suitable parent for her children, then the father should be taken into consideration. In most cases, the mother walks away with the children, PLUS child support…
On the other hand, if you’re not responsible enough to work out your differences and come to a mutual agreement about the children, then I don’t think either parent should have them. I honestly don’t; I grew up in a broken home, I think that my life would have been a lot easier, had we been taken away from our parents and adopted out, honestly. At least, away from my mother anyways. She’s psycho…
No.
So, people pay because they were lied to? Ive heard this before:TAXES!
The link actually didn’t give any details about why he thought the child was his for so long or at least why paternity came into question and why he took so long to get the DNA test.
A lot of times its due to the fact that the man signs the birth certificate as the child’s father.
But, to answer the questions the post posed, I don’t think that a man should have to pay for a child that isn’t his if he didn’t know that it was his and had no reason at the time to question the paternity of the child, once he proves that the child is not his.
And, I can’t see how it would be in the best interest for the child if someone who isn’t her/his father is forced to give up money to take care of it. What kind of life lesson does that teach the kid? Probably not a very good one. And the US is already filled with people on state assistance.
I think in these cases the real father should be located and have to go through a DNA test and once it is proven he is the father, he should be forced to give child support. It is his child. It takes two to tango.
However, if the man is fully aware at the time that the child is not his, but he is together with the mother and signs the birth certificate as the father anyway, then that is his own fault and if he later separates from the mother of the child and decides he doesn’t want to pay child support anymore, I have zero sympathy for him.
In cases like the link referenced, where a man paid $80,000 in child support before he was able to prove he wasn’t the father, I agree with no longer forcing him to pay. However, I think it is wrong to not reimburse him.
Also, I support what was also brought up in the link, mandatory DNA testing upon birth. That would definitely alleviate much of the problem. I don’t see any reason not to do it. A lot of men don’t know that their wife or fiance or girlfriend cheated on them and therefore a DNA test doesn’t even enter their mind as something they should do. Also, there are some men who might at the time not want to make waves with their girlfriend/fiance/wife (for whatever reason) by asking for a DNA test (because for some reason men are looked at as bastards if they DARE to suggest that a child is not theirs when the girl got pregnant while dating/married to him). This way, its the government’s fault and its just simply mandatory.
Plus, I have to say that its probably good for the kid, too. On the off chance that something bad happens one day and the child needs an organ or something, or a blood transfusion, not only will it be awkward and shocking for everybody (except the mother) to find out that man isn’t the child’s father, but then you have to go through the trouble (usually FAST trouble, because these incidents often have expiration dates of when its just too late) of finding either a compatible donor or the real father if the mother isn’t compatible. Since the best bet for the body not to reject something or to have a reaction to something is for it to be from a close family member.
Also, it would definitely deter women from lying to their husbands/boyfriends if they do cheat and find themselves pregnant. I have no sympathy for women that get themselves into this sort of situation.
Who I really have sympathy for, though, is the child. There are so many situations involving this sort of thing where the child is put in the middle and nobody seems to notice or care. Plus, what kinds of role models are these? Seriously, adults need to just act like adults. Take responsibility for your own actions and don’t try to foist them off on someone else.
No, I think if the child is not biologically the man’s, he shouldn’t have to pay any child support. It seems sad for some children, because I’m sure there are many cases in which is IS in the best interest of the kid, but if it’s not his, he’s not responsible for it after he’s no longer linked to the mother.
Child support should not be mandatory to begin with. It’s a violation of the 14th amendment, equal protection clause. If a woman has a right to choose, and the man involved does not, but he is then required to pay child support based soley on her decision, he does not have equal say in this action. She is given power over both the bringing to birth of their child and the power over whether some of his earnings must go to the child(and possibly her as well). Under the 14th amendment, there must be a balance.
Now, that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be really douchy for someone not to pay child support, but my mere point is that unfortunately, the government does not have a right to force this and upset the balance, at least as long as abortion is legal.
Now, specifically in this case, if this guy is not the father, it really doesn’t matter. There’s no circumstance under which he should be forced to pay. I think he should still do it, though, because of the childs needs. Though if i were him i would buy everything directly that the child needs, rather then give the money to the decietful mother to possibly use.
@Morningstarrising - Yes because you’re a fool to not ask for a DNA test because you trust your wife. Entirely illogical.
I think if a man doesn’t want the child (ie he wants to put the child up for adoption) he should have that say. If the mother of the child decides to keep the child she should be entitled to NO child support. If a woman doesn’t want a child a man cannot force her to have the child. But if the man doesn’t want a child he has no say whatsoever. WHAT THE FUCK? And now the man doesn’t even have to be the father of the child to be forced to pay child support? This is outrageous! Look. Power to single mothers. They have all my respect and one of my closest friends is a single mother. But being a single mother is a choice. And don’t go telling me I don’t know because I’m not a woman or I’m not a single mother. I am adopted, my birth mother made the decision to put me up for adoption. I am proud of her for making that difficult decision. But in the case of two people having consensual sex and then the woman getting pregnant, if the father has to pay he should get an equal say.
That or we should be able to force women to have babies they don’t want to have, not be able to see the child once he or she is born, and pay us monthly to support the child.
See how outrageous that sounds? Fucking come on.
hahaha what a dang chump
@ghostsoft@ireallylikefood - Agreed. It’s terrible that so many children are brought up in homes with incompetent parents. Of course, I don’t expect the state could do much better…
No!
Just because he is MORALLY OBLIGATED to care for her does not mean he has to, unfortunately. Though I believe he SHOULD provide care for her after raising her as his own, I don’t think that the law should force him to unless he is biologically related.
Or, rather, change it all up and treat EVERY SINGLE CASE based on the situation rather than technicalities. Not everything fits into structure.
@tracezilla@lovelyish - Never mind my comment, I agree with you.
@Sirius_Fan_Girl - lol
so like wtf, why isn’t the biological father paying child support? This reminds of an article I read at the Times. Some guy found out that his daughter was not really his daughter yet he still had to pay child support, even though his ex-wife, who lied to him being the daughter’s father, and the daughter’s biological father had gotten back together. Despite this, the guy couldn’t even see his daughter whenever he want, even though he’s paying child support and the biological father isn’t. How mess up is that? I couldn’t even imagine how much it sucks for the guy. With all the demands for women and men to be treated equally, we sure have a lot of policies that says otherwise!
no…