I guess the reaction would all depend on a variety of circumstances: where were you hoping the online relationship would go?  What kinds of activity did the two of your participate in? (online game-playing, casual chats, cyber sex etc).  Why did the person lie?  Are you flexible enough to hear the other person out and give them a chance to explain and fully consider their explanation?

This actually did happen to me (to a lesser extent) about a year ago.  A girl whom I considered to be an online friend for several, recently revealed that instead of looking like a sexy vamp, she was actually morbidly obese.  She’d been doctoring her photos for years and led many a naive internet Lothario on a merry game of cat and mouse; never actually meeting any of them.  She had quite a following of panting, desperate and surprisingly intelligent males.  When she finally did decide to reveal her deception publicly, she got crucified.  The men who had been chasing after her for years, were disgusted and furious that they had been duped.  Some of the women who had claimed to be her friends called her a liar and really ripped into her.  Me and one other gal stuck by her.  As far as I was concerned, my friendship with her had nothing to do with looks or even gender.

I knew why she started doctoring her photos…none of those men would have given her the time of day if they’d known what she really looked like….NONE of them (even though they all claimed it was her dazzling brilliance and not her giant hooters and sexy figure that attracted them…yeah right whatever).  I can guarantee she would not have had the cult following she did, regardless of her “dazzling brilliance” if she’d put out photos of what she really looked like.  And once she took that first step towards deception, it snowballed on her until she felt she had no choice, but to continue the charade for years until she finally couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to make a clean slate of it.

Was it right of her to lie to everyone about her looks?  No.  Understandable, maybe, but not right.  Did that make her a liar of the first order?  One who could never be trusted then?  No again.  I think the situation was unique and that for the most part, she’s an honest person.  Certainly she’s been painfully candid since her revelation and shared many things that I know would have been easier to just gloss over or not tell at all.   She seems dedicated to putting her truest face forward now and I have to say, I like her better for it.

So…with the so-called hypothetical Asian friend who first seemed to be female, but then turned out to be male, I’d have to reserve judgment (and that’s what it would be…a judgment)  until I learned more about his situation.  Perhaps he’s transgendered or just a cross dresser, but felt the friendship had reached a level that he needed to come clean.  Or maybe the rhetorical Asian friend is truly a female and has decided that you are getting a little obsessive and figured that would be the best way to get you to back off…  Who knows?  All I know is that if anyone thinks that what you see is what you get, when talking to someone online, they are being exceedingly naive.  Everyone, to some extent, presents only the online face that they want everyone to see, whether it’s only using photos from two years ago before they had the baby and hadn’t yet gained all that baby fat or only presenting the intelligent/ alluring /playful (or demonic/ dangerous/ mysterious) side of themselves to achieve some sort of ideal persona. 

That’s just a long way of saying, in answer to your question, “It depends.”