March 29, 2010
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25-Year Age Difference: Can It Work?
I was just reading an article about a 17 year old girl who fell in love with a 42-year-old man. It was titled, “25-Year Age Difference: Can it Work?”
The man was married. She felt that they were lying and doing something that broke the “seventh Commandment.” She was 18 before they did anything physical.
In the article she mentioned it bothered her that people said her feelings were a crush, or “say that I was just falling for him because I was desperate for male attention.” Here is the link: Link
25-year old difference: Can it work?
Comments (121)
uhhhhmmm…
I’m sure it COULD work. I’m more concerned about the fact that he was married when they “fell in love.” I’m not a fan of home-wreckers.
If’ he’s married already, I think age is the least of things working against the success of the relationship.
It COULD. Does it usually? No. I wouldn’t be interested in finding out, either.
ask OJ? Nicole Brown was 18 when they met.
yuck
The fact that he was married shows he’s having a mid-life crisis. It won’t work. But if they met in good circumstances where they were both free and everything, I would say they have a good a chance as any. So many relationships with people of similar age do not work, so when it comes to these drastic age differences, who really knows.
No
The age difference is bad enough but the man is a cheat and she has morals of a cat in heat.
Doubt it.
25 year age difference? Sure that can work. One of them already being married? No.
Lol well Anna Nicole Smith & her billionaire guy 26 ? + 89 ? but we all know why she married him
As some people said before, I’m sure a 25 year age difference could work out, as long as the guy wasn’t already married…
He’s already married. So, given the few details above, I would say that it’s probably not going to work. One day she will wake up and he will just be “old” instead of “older”.
That is a big age gap, no matter how old you are. But it doesn’t strike me as being so unreasonable with say a 30 and 55 year old. But a teenager young enough to be his child? When he’s married? That doesn’t sound like the greatest foundation to build a relationship.
Oh man, I don’t think so.
It could work…maybe.
I just do see how two people with a 25 yr age difference could have anything in common.
What a dumb bitch. If you have 18yr old pussy you should use it to get a 90yr old billionaire!
Personally, I say who are we to judge? Homewrecker… midlife crisis…. amoralistic…. I haven’t walked a mile in their shoes, I try very hard not to throw stones, as my glass house is very fragile. Good luck to them. I just hope nobody gets their heart broken.
@ShimmerBodyCream - roflmao, you have a point there!
Im positive that it could work. But it sure as heck wouldn’t work for me.
Sure it can. Love knows no boundaries.
@ShimmerBodyCream - you said it
Erm… 17 and 42? My mother was in her late 20s early 30s and my dad in his 50s when they got together, but late 20s is a bit different then 18. Whatever works for you (legally) I guess.
HELL NO.
he is older and has different values.
i think it was just infatuation .
@nomilktoday - Different values?
I doesn’t sound like he has any at all, but then ether does she.
Personally, I think it’s gross. I have a friend I graduated from high school with. She married a 38 year old guy when she was about 22 or 23. It still weirds me out to see pictures of them together. On the other hand, my parents have a 17 year age difference, and my in-laws have a 20 year age difference. It can work, but I still find it rather strange.
@trunthepaige - haah true. i cant find myself marrying a man that is 25 years older…cant see myself in love with a much older man. i would be thinking of my father YUCK! maybe if he was a billionaire and if i was a gold digger/home-wrecker it would work.
Why, sure it can.
If you’re kidding yourself.
this young, no, i would imagine not.
if this were about say, a 30 year old and a 55 year old, i’d say yes, that probably could work.
I don’t know. I think a lot of women my age would feel their hearts break seeing me with a 27 year old. I really think couples should stay within their decade.
lol at people who believed in “love conquers all” before they read this.
It could work if neither of them is a fucking dumbass. But that’s rarely the case.
I think the biggest problem is that he’s married. What’s she thinking?
I wrote a post about this about a month ago – and it was actually happening to a friend of mine. She’s 20 and the man (who was in the middle of divorcing his wife) was 42.
It could work, but I think only in certain circumstances. It would be a rarity to see it succeed.
Did it work for you, Danny boy?
Been there with a 20 year difference, it won’t last.
Age is just a number.
considering that he’s already married? i doubt it
Yes. I’ve seen it work several times. …until the older of the two dies.
Absolutely. If one is married? Not at all.
…….
Unless if you’re from the Biblical days.
I think it could work, but the younger person would have to be incredibly mature. 25 years is a lot of life-experience, so I imagine it could get frustrating.
Personally, I think a 10 year difference is about the very maximum. I just don’t think I could take it if my husband was old enough to be my dad.
I’m in my 40′s and get to shoot with girls in thier 20′s. I consider a few of them good friends because we work well together.
Are they attractive? Yep.
Are they intelligent? Yep.
Are they interesting enough to have a relationship with? Not beyond a platonic relationship. Women in that age group just don’t have enough in common for a decent conversation with a guy in my age bracket and vice versa. In fact, how can you have a conversation when the kid stops everything because, “OMG, I got a text and must reply immediately.”
gross.
He’s a gonna leave her like he left the first wife.
Im sure it could work… just it rarely does.
If no one minds my input…ew.
@ShimmerBodyCream - I’m not a billionaire, but I have great promise, and a jelly jar full of quarters that I saved up.
If the man wasn’t married….
anything like that involving an already married/in a relationship person is not right.
but if both parties are single and all that, yeah, it could work.
Age is nothing but a number.
I think a 25 year age difference can work, but not when one of them is only 18.
My mother and my father were 43 years apart and they were together for 20 years.
Who the heck knows anymore
no…
@radicalsounds - Agreed.
Wow. Personally, I think that’s repulsive. I’m sixteen and I cannot imagine having the hots for an old forty year old man who was already graduated from college and working when I was born. Creeepy. But whatever floats your boat, I guess. *shudders*
It DOES work for some people, yes.
17!? She’s still a kid. Under these circumstances, this would never work out.
Bon Jovi and I are 25 years apart and I thought about this awhile ago. Yeah, he’s still hot, but I don’t think I could be with someone that much older.
ugh.
That’s more levels of awkward than I care to deal with.
By “work” you mean….?
well I don’t know how many people who commented saying ‘HELL NO’ or something along those lines actually read the link you posted, but I did. and I think that their relationship really could work! I don’t think it’s just infatuation; I think it really is love.
and I don’t think that we should be able to judge who’s relationships will work and who’s won’t. we’re always in peoples’ business these days. leave them alone.
Eh. Iffy.
Not when one is married!! Sheesh that is called cheating and doesn’t anyone truly think that is wrong anymore? Ugh..
It can work now, but in the future, I have no idea. What you want (and (think you) need) changes a lot at this time, it’s a crucial stage in her life, her age now upto her late 20s. Who knows if she will still want him then?
However age difference means a lot less when you’re older. So if they’re together when they’re older, like she’s in her 30s, I think it can definitely work.
it could work but very rarely
Nah! I doubt it!
Yes, if he’s not married.
Can it work? Possibly. Will it work? I doubt it. I’m with Masked_Melody above–not a fan of home-wreckers.
Depends on the ages it includes. If it is 5 and 30… no, probably not (haha)… even at 17 and 42, I see it being an issue (and I don’t just mean one person being underage), what can a 17 and a 42 year old have in common? I don’t know… maybe he’ll drop her off at a school dance while he goes to the bar and they’ll consider that a date.
I’m not saying it can’t work if the love is truly there… but, I guess I could see it working a bit better with both people being adults… or older… even if that means the older person is 60.
Well of course anything is possible, though I have to say, I wouldn’t want any man who I knew would cheat on his wife. My thinking would be if he did it WITH me, maybe one day he’ll do it TO me.
@ccarothers - Haha, good parenthetical thought there.
I think it could definitely work, depending on what stage of life each person is in and how mature they are. I find it hard to believe that a 17 year-old could have much in common with someone in their forties. But then again, I’m 25 and I would consider dating someone who was 50. I’m an old soul, and if two people connect, age can just be a number.
17 is still a child in my opinion. Realistically, I doubt it will work out.
I would like to see what her father says when the 42 yr asks for his daughter’s hand in marriage….
It is an ego-tripping train wreck on both their parts.
ew..
Eh, I don’t think so. Not at 18 and 42. Maybe 30 and 54 or something, those ages are comparable. And I just don’t like anyone who is married (and not also legally separated) cheating on their SO, no matter what age.
Well not speaking directly for the people mentioned in the post, it can. As long as you both discuss how your relationship will work & what you want. Especially children since she’s so young. If they had kids within the first few years of their marriage, he’ll be in his 60s when they graduate high school & many people are grandparents at that age. I’m NOT saying no one can be an older parent because there are some awesome ones out there, but it’s not for everyone.
Not only that, if he falls ill & needs to be taken care of, the responsibility falls on her. She’s still going to be very young if that happens years down the road & she may resent giving up her youth to take care of him. And being so young, she may still want to party & he may be a quiet guy who doesnt like to go out & do the same things. Opposites do attract but they need common ground to sustain their relationship.
No one can tell you where to find love, as mom says. So if you love the person, go for it!
didn’t it work in the past? For grandparents or even parents? If so. I don’t see why it couldn’t work…but well. I don’t think it’ll work for them SINCE he is married…. Not cool.
She also has a lot of growing up to do… It might not work for them (if he were single…)
Personally, I do not think so.
Only if the guy is old and you’re doing it for money. But for real? No.
@Masked_Melody - Agreed… what a little tramp. (Somebody punch the guy).
Wow. She is stupid. Not only did he tell her the lame ass excuse every man that cheats on his wife tells the other woman, he is jealous to boot.
Sure it can work for other people but not for me. If I was 18 and with a guy older than my dad, he would have to be uber rich.
i doubt its love. What could a 17 year old and a 42 year old have in common??? seriously. Plus.. once a cheater always a cheater. i think homewreakers should have to have it tattooed on their forhead. I honestly dont see this working. She is barely old enough for consent. If she was in her late 20s maybe. It kinda just sounds like a “sugardaddy” situation.
No Go for me.
@JosephParsons - Yeah… and if you read the article, it actually works out for them too! He freaking leaves his wife and kids to marry her. There’s something really, really screwed up about that.
I say yes, it could work. Age isn’t anything really, just a number. And how can they not have anything in common, to whomever said that… people of a variety of ages have things in common. I’m friends with someone who’s older than my mum and we share many of the same interests!
Admittedly, it’s wrong for the fact he was married. But marriages break down and change over time, you don’t always feel or stay the same person in a marriage.
If they love one another and are happy with themselves and each other, I say why not! Go for it.
Sure, until he dies.
wow i dont even kno……..thats crazyy
it totally kombobulated my mind
@Masked_Melody - And they wonder why the west is in decline. I’d like to ‘Old Testament’ both of them… anybody seen my stones?
@JosephParsons - LOL!!! I’m sooooo gonna need to find an opportunity to use that phrase… stat. “WHAT?! I’m gonna ‘Old Testament’ you, girl!”
Hahahaha, oh you just made my day.
@Masked_Melody -
Sure it could. Many of my close male friends are 15-20 years younger than me. I could totally see it. It’s the cheating aspect of the guy that she has to look out for.
i dont believe it can. the 25 year age difference is a majority thing & i doubt the younger partner has experienced or is as major as the older partner in the relationship .
The whole being married thing is a bigger issue than the age difference…
… only IF she LETS it…
DISREGARD THE “WHORE” TAG!
Yes.
@firetyger - T R U E – very much so…
to each couple their own; my dad’s 40 years senior to my beloved madre’!
Too much a difference!
It depends on how you define “work”. Some people like dysfunction, chaos and adventure – for them it could “work”. The age difference is not the problem; a relationship like that could work in a positive way depending upon the people. The problem is that the man was married. To me this means that the man and the teenager are immoral to say the least. I judge like that because if I personally were considering someone as a partner, these types would fail and that’s how I would think of them.
Anything over 10 years apart is pushing it.
I’ve seen it work really well actually.
The difference is 21 years and they have a family of five children, and have been together for quite a few years now.
no because he left his wife for her and will leave the little slut for another woman too.
YES. YES YES YES.
And I speak first hand, I am in the same situation. Of course mine doesn’t, and has never had a wife or kids. It seems to me as if the people who are posting here haven’t even read the article any way. At first it sounds ridiculous, but not all grown men are the same, neither are all 18-year old women the same. Sometimes we just have to accept the fact that there are things we’ll never understand, and love is obviously one of them.
And you would be surprised what an 18-year old and a 42-year old can have in common.
@chronicmindrape - thank you.
Ermm… This is too much of an age difference, in my opinion.
No, it can’t work, but it has nothing to do with the age difference and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that HE IS MARRIED…
*stepping on soap box*
I think may December romances are just fine in some cases, but this guy is just really being imoral and taking advantage of her… I don’t know them, but I do know right from wrong and so does he… she’s still growing into herself and she’s… flexable? maluable? definitely easily taken advantage of. If this were justa single man looking for a relationship I could see them making it work, it might be harder, but it could be done… That’s so not the case here.
*stepping off soap box*
I would hope that it works.
I think it CAN work, but generally won’t. With an age gap that large I think it takes a lot of open-mindedness that many older people don’t have. The values, lifestyles, and histories are all so different.
My grandpa was 40-ish when he married his 3rd wife who was 18. They were together about 25 years before he died. I never saw much of their relationship (and my grandpa was a millionaire and this young wife was a beautiful blonde from LA…everyone knows that story) but they seemed happy enough.
My husband’s father is 25 years older than his step-mom, and they are *happily* married 15 years later. They have some serious issues, but their marriage and lifestyle is functional. It all depends on what your definition of “work” is.
I’m sure it can work, but only if neither of them is already attached. The fact that he’s already married is the part that bothers me. I fell hard for someone 20 years older than me. I never thought I would. I don’t need “male attention”. But we hit it off and it suddenly didn’t matter that he was old enough to be my father. But he’s married, so I’ve come to accept that even though the feelings probably won’t go away any time soon, I’m not doing anything physical with him, and I’m not getting romantically involved with him. But it is nice to have a good friend who has similar interests to mine. You really never know who you’ll hit it off with or fall for until it happens…
Married man in midlife crisis with a new-to-adult-life teen. Hon: it’s not even remotely “love”. Sorry…
Age barrier – they are in two separate walks of life, each with a perspective that cannot see from the perspective of the other person’s – there goes meaningful communication. It will be a sort of mentor/student thing until either the mentor or student gets pissed off at the other, in which case things are bound to break down.
Add to that – he cheated to get to her.
Add to that: she’s in the process of learning the adult world in adult terms.
Nope. Once the hormones pass, there will be nothing left to talk about to sustain the equally-balanced-friendship portion of the “relationship”, one or the other will wander [whether in physical or emotional], and it will crash and burn – at least my nearly 40 years on Planet Earth has shown me that much.
If the age of the youngest is half the age of the oldest, there is no common ground: medically, socially, and emotionally speaking. The fling may end bitterly, or may fade quietly, but the passion will definitely dissipate.
age is nothing but a number, we don’t know their relationship dynamic to pass judgments.
25 years different yes it can work
The man being married ~ heck no …
I just believe if the man can do it to his present wife, he can do it to you.. divorce and like someone else….
Not when the younger age is 17! That girl is still a minor. Any man in his forties who can look on an adolescent girl in a “non-paternal” manner is probably hiding some severe character flaws. Even among two mature people, inter-generational marriage can prove a handicap. Not necessarily a fatal one, but a consideration nonetheless.
It’s obviously a case of the older guy using his experience to manipulate a younger, naive mind. It is theoretically *possible* for it to work long term but the odds are it won’t last.
I don’t think can it work is the right question. The man’s wife and children were hurt by his actions. The couple fell in love when the girl was in high school working as an intern for him. I’m not 100% convinced they waited until she was 18 to do anything physical, but even if they didn’t how can it be right to seduce a kid and get her to commit adultery with you. I don’t think the guy should be allowed to work with young women, but as far as I can tell nothing happened to him.
Overall the article is a good example of someone using sloppy ideas about love and romance to justify selfish behavior and hurting other people.
Just an update on the article – the man’s first wife is now homeless and studying to be a hairdresser. She had to give up custody of the kids because she couldn’t support them. Leckstrom tries to spin this as a positive thing, but it sounds to me like this relationship caused some serious damage to the people around them.
It’s a shame to use this story as a model for May-December relationships. Most couples with a large age-difference don’t start by breaking other people.
A link to the story about the mom being homeless:
http://www.recessionwire.com/2009/07/06/positive-benefits-of-foreclosure-in-the-famil/
When she is 35, he will be 60
when she is 45, he will be 70… hmmm no go
max is 15 years
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