April 6, 2010
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Xanga, Suicide and Crisis
On xanga, we tend to jump on the issue of the day. If someone dies, we can talk about it for a week. People share stories about the person who has died claiming best friendships with the person. (This happens even when you can go back and read comments and tell that none of these people commented on their “best friend” for months).
If someone is thinking about suicide, the person can get 50 recommends, 30 posts dedicated to him/her and 150 messages of concern.
It makes me wonder, is it an overreaction? Hear me out on this.
I had a friend who said he was going to commit suicide. He must have said it 4-5 times. He is still alive 20 years later. Yet, I have known a few people that committed suicide.
I talked to each of them just days before their death. But they did not mention committing suicide. Looking back, I could tell they were down. But the thought that they might commit suicide never came to mind.
I know when there is talk about suicide, more people contemplate it. In other words, all the attention to suicide could cause a person to take the step.
(I would prefer to keep the talk away from any individual).
Is there such a thing as overreacting to a suicide post?
Comments (108)
Most people who commit suicide do not leave notes.
@lil_squirrel4ever - Really? I didn’t know that!
I would prefer overreacting to underreacting.
I would usually think not. =
If you love the person and don’t want them to go, of course you would react. I’ve personally lost three friends to suicide already. So i treat any scare as a issue i try to fix if i could. =
so personally i don’t think so. I’d rather play it safe and be there just in case than be the guy who ignored the real plea.
You just never know when something like that is true or not. I think it’s best to try to help anyway.
Not to cast a dark shadow, but i know that if i ever were to commit suicide, id try to leave little to no signs leading up to it, i dont want someone to catch a hunch and end up leaving me alive.
I think that theres some people that might kill themselves for headlines, and its a bit counter-productive to help them, but i think the best step is to step in, overreaction or not.
@lil_squirrel4ever - My mother-in-law left a note. My husband was 18 when she killed herself.
@radicalsounds - it’s not thaaaat surprising. imagine how difficult it would be choosing your last words; you’d never be satisfied!
Possibly. But it’s also good to be reminded that you matter to others once in a while, when you’re feeling down in the dumps.
@yaneznayu - I guess for me that’s reason enough not to do it
Did you mean hear?
My dads best friend committed suicide, and no one saw it coming. He had some issues, but they weren’t public. Everyone still asks why??
As far as your question, I have no clue…
@theacematt2 - precisely what i was thinking
For the many people who are just in it for attention, there’s got to be at least one or two who really DO mean what they say. I don’t think you can overreact.
No?
When someone is talking about attempting suicide it’s usually a cry for help… And when they get those comments, recs, etc… It’s just people being supportive and trying to help them get through their tough time… It is possible to over react, but usually its just people being helpful.
I think you should PM them, but not give them public attention. That way you talk to them if they truly need it.
@radicalsounds - Yes, it’s a very disturbing fact. I remember learning that when I was in university. The statistics also show that most people who finally succeed have tried before (men are more successful the first time around), and that there is a copycat effect (hence why the media should and do not talk about it much).
Another thing is that most people, ironically, commit suicide when they have the energy to do so and thus most people around them do not sense that they are depressed at the time.
I do not know.
But I have talked to a woman about commit suicide. She was telling jokes and teasing people. She seemed just a bit down for her, but she was always so much fun to be around. She shot herself that same night
@iamthebella - considering the individual in question, I’m not sure anyone was willing to assume it was a cry for help, either….or maybe that was just me ::shrug::
but i think people who speaks put their intention of committing suiside is less likely to kill themselves because they receive warmth from other’s, that why they choose not to die. People who wont speak out is more dangerous in that….
Most people who commit suicide do not come and talk about it on Xanga.
I never really react. Meh.
@radicalsounds - ditto haha
Yep.
Unless the suicide post is fake (which is sick and disturbing in and of itself), I would say that there’s not really a way to over react. One never knows who’s really going to go through with it, and who will change their mind (which people generally hope for in these suicide posts) or who attempts suicide but are unsuccessful in their attempt (which is one of the few times where success is worse than failure). So many of the fellow Xangans try to convince the person posting the suicide note to not go though with it in hopes that they listen. So I don’t think it would be an over reaction if lives are saved.
no, there’s not. I would hate to think that there’s something I could have done, but didn’t. And I don’t think anyone’s going to feel bad about trying to help someone.
I’d rather over react than do nothing at all.
I’ve only had one friend commit suicide, and as far as anyone could tell it came out of nowhere. I saw her maybe 3 days before and we made plans for that weekend…and then she went “missing.” It’s a weird thing to think about, both about yourself and about other people, too many “what if”s.
In this case the reaction was kind of amazing, and honestly it seemed a little like a faux-empathetic overreaction. But better that than “what if”ing.
People are total drama queens. But once everything turns back to normal, they pretend it never happened.
I do admit the ones who probably are going to commit suicide seems to be the ones that don’t talk about it, or couldn’t find anyone to talk about it to. And those who send a suicide note are just checking their pulse, in terms of who cares about them enough to force them to hold on. I’ve seen that trend happen all too often. Funny enouh when he posted that note, I knew he was going to be alive. And its not just because of the notes from various Xangans either.
One on here? Yes I think one can overract. But when it’s someone you know personally, there is never enough overracting!
@AmeSoeur - I agree. Some people DO post things to get notice (not in a bratty way) & when they think no one cares, they kill themselves. Some rarely talk about it before they commit suicide but a select few do as a possible last try for help.
I honestly don’t know. But i don’t think so if you’re GENUINELY close to the person. However… if you’re not, and only feign concern when they are threatening it, and then ignore them the rest of the time, i honestly think that may make things worse.
@AmeSoeur - i could not have said it better
I think that’s a possibility, but under-reacting is a danger as well. Sometimes someone threatening suicide is a cry for help. If no one answers, then it solidifies the false idea that they’ve formed in their head saying they’re not worth anything.
I battle depression, sometimes to a severe degree. Self-injury was something I did for attention, even if I didn’t always realize it. I needed to know that someone else thought I was worth keeping safe, because I’d stopped believing it myself. I believed that I deserved the harm that I was doing to myself, even more-so, because I was weak enough to do it in the first place.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes one is so deep into depression that one cannot clearly see one’s way out of it, even if a solution seemed clear as day a few days before. Sometimes I need that smack upside the head of people telling me how much they love me & how much it’d hurt them if I hurt myself. That being said, I’m to the point where I try to keep my cries for help out of the spotlight. I’ll carefully reach out to a few, trustworthy people. Some people just aren’t to that point yet.
I think private messages are better, because they don’t validate unhealthy means of getting attention if the person is merely looking for that.
@theacematt2 - I’m just talking about suicides in general.
@EilisAngelos - there you go… You pinpointed exactly what I meant and made it sound way better. I agree.
do strangers on Xanga really care if you kill yourself or not? i would guess 99% of the people who comment on someone’s emo post about them wanting to commit suicide probably wouldn’t go out of their way to help these people outside of posting some canned response about how life is too precious to throw away… not trying to make light of a very serious subject, but posting about it on xanga is just attention whoring
I think people overracted to a certain’s Xangaceleb’s recent breakdown and dedicated tribute blogs to him. That guy gets more coverage on Easter than Jesus.
Xanga makes me want to kill myself too.
Possibly.
You can NEVER overreact to a suicide post.
As a crisis hotline operator, I can tell you that most people who commit suicide DO attempt to tell someone before they actually do it, whether they outright say it or not–and hearing about the topic of suicide is not going to prompt someone who was not already considering it to begin considering it, generally. Overreacting is, in this case, always better than underreacting.
I usually encourage them to take action!
I could write a novel on this one. There are several categories people fall into on the issue of suicide. It is true that most who follow through with it don’t talk about it. This is a double-edged statistic and one must wonder if that has anything to do with a potential sucess rate of people who talk about it being dissuaded. Regardless, of those who do talk about it, there are three main groups. The first are those who are simply acting out. The second are those who are genuinely toying with the idea but are afraid to go through with it and are looking for a way out. The third group are those who say something to announce what they fully intend to do, though normally this is done in a way that will not likely be found until after the fact. Further complicating matters is that these groups are not cut and dry. One can be in one and move into another and it can be difficult to distinguish unless you really know the individual’s thought process and emotional state well enough to gauge it. Ultimately, if you break it down, suicidal thoughts are about as selfish a thought process a person can have. This also can make it very easy for a friend trying to talk them down to lose their cool and become angry and later regret it if the person follows through with it. Perhaps my perspective on the issue is unique, you see, I was suicidal by the 4th grade and very nearly took my life. I had taken extra care to be sure that nobody was around because I didn’t want anyone stopping me and forcing me into some stupid counseling sessions (which in my mind served to prove that there was something wrong with me). Through a genuine act of God, my life was spared. I know all too well what went through my mind at the time and years later that gave me much-needed insight when there have been times where I have had friends who were on the brink as it were. I won’t go into detail publically (and even privately, I won’t dare say who those people were or share thier private information) but suffice it to say, that dealing with a genuinely suicidal person is one of the scariest, most nerve-wrecking experiences and each time took about 2 months for the person I was dealing with to be out of immediate danger and another 4 before they were really in the clear. By the grace of God, (and I really mean that) each person I have dealt with in this manner is still alive today. I know some on here who read this will think I’m saying this to show off and I’m not going to convince them otherwise. Regardless, if even one person benefits at all from my breaking this down then it’s definitely worth my sharing it and that much, even my critics can agree on.
When arenadi hinted at suicide (like dozens of other Xangans), I see immediate reactions. People started writing like he’s their dearest best friend, wrote tribute blogs and sent us mass message us to read their tribute blogs to arenadi. That guy gets more coverage in Xanga than Easter itself. Heck, they acted like he’s the Messiah himself.
One such mass messagers is theacematt2. When I responded that I don’t read arenadi’s blogs and told him that he forgot to wish my brother congratulations on his engagement, he started to get rude. He said he doesn’t care if my brother is dead or alive and if he leaves Xanga for good. He doesn’t care for my brother’s happiness because he’s too busy jumping on the arenadi tribute wagon? What an asshole. I thought he is a cool guy until his callous, cold hearted insult.
Is that way how a Xangan should act? Insult you because you don’t care much for his tribute blog to arenadi and I don’t read arenadi’s Gentleman Bum blog? I don’t read any food bloggers’ blogs, damn it! Why should I care how your food turns out when there other train wrecks in Xanga I rather read about?
arenadi is a nice guy, and I wish him well, but he doesn’t deserve all that attention.
@ShimmerBodyCream - ”i bold all my comments because they’re important and clever… durp durp durp.”
It’s not overreaction if you care about the person a lot. I want to do everything in my power to make sure they don’t do it.
@andfeud - There you are! You missed me! And you don’t bold your comments…
you can never be too cautious or concerned. It may be attention whoring, it might actually be someone with the means and impetus to act and one kind word might make them reconsider…
I never talked about how I was feeling when I was suicidal… I withdrew and sought help when the temptation was almost too great.
One of my best friends was telling me how she wanted to die and then promised me she wouldn’t do anything when she hung up on me. Not more than two hours later, I was on the phone with the dispatchers trying to get the EMT’s to her apartment after she overdosed on prescription medication…
as I said, better safe than sorry.
even if it is just a cry for attention it’s a cry that should be answered.
after all isn’t a cry for attention really a cry for assurance that you matter? and if you don’t get that assurance you may actually turn to suicide.
It was discussed in my school that usually, the people who will actually commit suicide are those who don’t really say anythin’ about it. People who talk about ending it are usually trying to garner attention. My professor told us that a sudden change of mood (from totally depressed today to oh so happy the next) is more alarming. Accompany that change with him/her giving away prized possessions.
I don’t think so, because it can always be true. Yeah, some people don’t show or talk about it, but some people do. I know someone who pretty much said they’d do it, and did it. So you can’t brush it off just because they talk about it.
Definitely. How is recommending it to 2000 people going to change ANYTHING? Talking to him or her personally will help the situation, not rec-ing the post to OTHER people.
I think suicide is serious. I also think there is, in 90% of cases, no way to prevent it. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe it’s because it’s such a major and extremely personal decision. The problem with Xanga is how do we know it’s a real decision someone is really thinking about or someone just wanting attention and bluffing? We can’t know. There are so many lonely people and we all need validation so no, I don’t think a lot of attention is wrong.
Absolutely not, in fact I dont think you people go far enough.
We need to organize a mass suicide note writing campaign to raise awareness to the issue. A sort of mass suicide pact.
Then we can finally start to make progress on this complex delicate social issue.
Heaven help us if the media gets wind of it though. They have a nack for blowing things out of proportion. I think the headlines “Entire Internet Suicidal” might just be to catchy to pass up
.I always think about how suicide would be…but whenever I think about it, I don’t want to do it at all…I’m scared..I’m now eighteen.this way…
I guess it’s part of human nature.
it really irks me that people want to post on xanga, or any other social networking site, about wanting to commit suicide. i think its more of a call for attention then anything else. i don’t think they need to be ignored though, no. i think they still need help because something is wrong if they feel like they need to post something like that. **i’m not saying that EVERYONE who posts things like that are just doing it for attention but i do think its the majority.
Yes, because there is such thing a thing as the writer overreacting.
If anyone talks about suicide, i believe it’s a cry for help. We should not ignore it.
@trunthepaige - I have a friend who has attempted suicide a few times. She never talked about it before doing it and is known for her fun, joking personality. It must be a common deflection of the self. I’m sorry about your friend.
I’ve met some people who bring up suicide as a way of getting attention, getting sympathy or getting their way.
The trouble is, you can’t be sure when someone will actually mean it. It’s worse to ignore a genuine cry for help than to overreact to a possibly false alarm.
Most people who kill themself don’t say anything at all. A good part of the ones who do threaten it is looking for attention. That said I rather be safe then sorry.
If a friend is depressed enough to be thinking about it, maybe having a lot of people who care about them say so would give them a bit of perspective. Who knows? If you’re depressed and tell me about it, I’m gonna try to encourage you. If it helps good. If it doesn’t, I bet the encouragement didn’t hurt. The 2 people I know that killed themselves were noticeably depressed before, and I believe both left notes. I know for sure one did.
Xanga is an escapism, a punch bag for some people including me.
Maybe some people really meant it when they write suicide note and then they changed their due to unknown reason. It is not our place to judge them. If we think they needed some support and encouragement, just support them. Don’t condemn. Don’t judge. Don’t be prejudice.
Emotional contagion is instinct. It’s laugh or cry until you become desensitized. Funny that you react with jealousy.
No, it is not possible to overreact. I keep seeing people saying that if someone really wanted to commit suicide they wouldn’t talk toabout to anyone about it, but do you think maybe your causality is a little skewed? Maybe the reason they don’t kill themselves in the end is because they DID talk to someone about it? If someone is messed up enough to even be talking about suicide in a serious manner than I believe they can use all the love and affection they can get. Just knowing that someone, ANYONE would miss them would help.
@DilogicalDisorder - Gah, how come when you edit a comment it won’t let you delete anything? Stupid typos.
I blame it on heavy metal.
you raise a good point that people who are actually going to do it wouldnt go around bragging about it beforehand
i think people who do posts on xanga, for the most part, just want attention
if they were really serious about it, they would probably talk to someone they knew off the internet
When someone mentions suicide, the people that care for them especially get panicked.
However, I know someone who used to do it solely for attention (she said after the death of someone I knew that those where her reasons for mentioning it all the time) and I think to do that is completely disgusting. I know when I see my friends are even slightly upset, I worry and do everything I can to cheer them up – if I thought they were going to commit suicide, I’d not know how to cope. It’s unfair to put people through that, but then again, if you are feeling like it’s the only way out, it’s better to talk about it.
SUCH a fine line!
Soph xoxo
I would rather react. Better safe than sorry. I just had someone that I used to be close to commit suicide and it scared the hell out of me.
Yes, I agree we can overreact, but as one said it is better to over react than under react. I also think that it is a cry for help and a PM is a good way of helping. I don’t think there should be so much of a public “help”. People sometimes just need to know that others care.
@lil_squirrel4ever - I didn’t know that…but I guess it would ring true. The one time I tried, and the countless times I’d considered before that…I never had a note. (I just figured that was just me, though.)
hello Dan =]
@trunthepaige - It’s a mask. I’ve worn that mask several times myself. Pretend everything’s okay so people will get along with you. Pretend you don’t have a care in the world so your “friends” don’t turn the other way. One day, I revealed the truth to what I thought were my closest friends.
They weren’t.
Just some food for thought.
@joyouswind - It’s a mask to hide the depression. Not too different from the many other masks people wear.
I don’t think there is such a thing as overreacting to somebody talking about suicide. If they’re joking about it like that, Karma WILL get them.
If they’re not, while you may not be, you *COULD* be the one person who cares to save their life.
(I remember writing a blog myself, not about suicide, but struggling with the thoughts at the time…this was about a year ago. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that looking back at the words some people had to say really helped me then. Further, as somebody who has attempted such in the past, I guess I understand what it’s like to feel completely alone, completely hopeless.)
@Galbsadi - It was good you found that out. Sadly the woman who killed herself had a lot of real friends. It’s best you find out who those real friends are and not waste much of your life on fake or shallow ones
@trunthepaige - This is true. Unfortunately, those were the only friend I’d had at the time that I’d believed weren’t fake or shallow. (‘Tis life, sometimes, though.)
@lil_squirrel4ever - It’s true.
A good friend of mine leaped 12 stories off a balcony last Fall. We saw the signs, but we accepted the fact that he wanted to work out his problems on his own.
A person who writes about committing suidice is in itself finding a way out of it. Writing is therapy in itself and the attention helps one work out through their issues.
“Live together, die alone” right?
When looking at each one person who reacts, the amount of care they show to the one afflicted by the idea of suicide isn’t too much at all. Now, the sheer volume is another story; if a hundred people all offer their support in more or less the same way, I can well see how that would look like overreaction. It isn’t, though, not really. It’s just a lot of people trying to show someone that they care. A beautiful thing, really, even if it looks like a bit much.
Honestly, in this situation an overreaction is far better than an underreaction.
I lost a friend to suicide. I would rather respond (not react) than ignore.
I do not believe that person was deliberately seeking attention.
I LIKE BOOBS
I don’t believe there’s any such thing as ‘overreacting’ to suicide posts; if a person has mentioned it multiple times, or even once, there’s the possibility that they might take their life into their own hands and decide to end it. So no, no overreacting…it’s something to be taken seriously, always.
When I was a young teen, and before then, I attempted suicide countless times. As you can see I didn’t succeed and I am thankful for that. I never left a note or told anyone my intentions.
@AmeSoeur - agreed
This is a cry wolf situation. There are people out there who deal with suicidal tendencies (not the band) and really feel at times that they just can’t go on. Many will say they cannot imagine getting through the darkness to feel like they’ve moved back into the “light”. No amount of talking, chocolate, sleep or pills make it better.
Sometimes they make the attempt and fail or succeed. Other times they are able to get through without the attempt.
The one thing I would say is point them to “real life” help. No amount of Instant Messaging, posting of (((((((((hug))))))))))) or sympathetic replies will ever take the place of a real life qualified person helping them. We on the internet cannot truly be there to help them.
/my opinion
edit: I meant cry wolf as in there are times when someone says “this is it, I’m going to off myself” so often that it is human nature not to believe them. I agree that we should always take a cry for help seriously but again, point them to real life, not e life.
sure is. if you were serious, you’de go down the street, not across the road.
haha
sometimes you never hear it..it’s all silent..
Mixed on this one.
While that is one less person contributing tax dollars to pay for Obamacare, it is at the same time one less person that needs to be covered by Obamacare.
Damn Dan, this is a tough one…
People totally overreact to suicide but I suppose it’s slightly better than underreacting. I think people should be more educated on the signs and symptoms so they don’t freak out from the “fakers” but at the same time that means people would be better at “faking” it. Some people just need to grow up.
it’s the same with leaving xanga. those who say they are done with it keep blogging about shutting their xanga down for years, those who are really done just leave.
Many a time, no posts contemplating the mere idea of suicide would be written if there was no potential to generate reaction.
@AmeSoeur - I agree with that.
no.
overreacting to any topic is always possible. there’s a sociological theory about those deviants that verbalize their contemplations of suicide that usually do not happen, I believe…
I have been there with me… when I wanted to. I did not write notes or tell anyone…. I even had a failed attempt. But some do write….
I have lived with this in my family, just not on xanga or online… my husband has threatened…. brings great fear….. finally I have an answer….. by putting boundaries up and being willing to believe him… I call the police and let them sort it out if he is going to or not.
As far as online posts… I believe you do what you think is best pm or comment. Just remember, YOU and ME, We can not fix anyone…. only God can.
I’ve thought about suicide before. I’ve even attempted it before. When I’m thinking about it and WANTING it and NEEDING it…I don’t say a damned word to anyone. I write and write and write in my diary, and then I swallowed (what seemed like, at the time) a lot of pills and wrote about everything that happened from there on out.
Now, when I tweet something about wanting to die…it’s not (really) for the attention. It is me, thinking about suicide and wanting to die but not wanting to do it myself. It’s me telling my friends who follow me that I’m really sad and the ONLY thing I need at that moment is for them to tell me not, for them to tell me they love me or whatever. And that little bit keeps me hanging on another day.
I’m an EMT and have had several calls concerning suicide, MOST people who say theyare going to do it are looking for attention, alot of these people are drama queens and kings. They want help to deal with there problems but either don’t know how to get it or are trying to get it asap. I had a guy walking along carring a gun he just bought arguing with his girl friend, SHE dared him to do it and he put the gun to the bottom of his chin and shoot himself right there in the parking lot of a convience store. I found that people who do finish the job useally don’t tell people. And most do leave notes unless they really wont to mess with there love ones minds for the rest of therte lives wondering WHY.
@AmeSoeur - AGREED!
No, there is no overreaction to suicide attempts. Anything goes, if one can cause another to avoid suicide. The person is asking for help. We must do everything within our power to help someone going through this. We should inmmediately ask guidance from God, and give any advice or encouragement for us to tarry on with our lives. Save a LIFE! …Love, Sandy
Maybe your friend is still alive because he talked about it and reached out for help. Talking about contemplating suicide in no way means that the person is not serious about it. It can be a clear call for help that would be tragically wasted if no one listened.
I don’t think the internet is a good place for a potential suicide comit-er. Hmm. Or xanga. I dunno, somethings just weird about people on the internet trying to help some person they don’t know. I wouldn’t do it. But I guess if other people want to, it’s fine.
You can overreact in your method of dealing with it, but not in your concern itself. Every declaration of contemplation of suicide is a call for help. And (important) the younger the person, the greater should be the concern. Pre-pubescent children are by far the most likely to act on such irrational impulses. In today’s depraved culture and high pressure society, kids are the prey; both physically, mentally and spiritually. For depressed adults, a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement can be enough to bring back a sense of perspective. Children need adult guidance and supervision on a constant basis. That’s what we’re for! Grant them YOUR perspective through your own coming-of-age… along with your love and support. It’s what they vitally need.
Nobody rushed in to console me