April 18, 2010
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Coming Out of the Closet
I noticed Sam is back on xanga and that makes me happy. I was sorry to see him leave but I also understand when a person shuts down for one reason or another.
Sam mentioned in his post that he recently came out of the closet to his friends and family. I have noticed that so many people have announced they were gay over the last 5 years on xanga.
Sam came out to his family first. But having watched people come out on xanga it appears to me that most people actually come out on xanga before they come out to their friends in real life. In other words, people felt more comfortable coming out to their online friends before they came out to their real life friends.
Do you find it is easier to share things on xanga than sharing things to friends in real life?
Comments (105)
Don’t share AIDS
It goes without saying.
Sometimes it’s just easier to tell strangers things.
Definitely. It is probably the fact you don’t see them every day. There is no awkwardness or judgement.
Absolutely. Over half of the things I say on xanga I’d never mention to anyone elsewhere.
Yes, without a doubt. It’s part of the reason I love xanga so much.
i consider my online friends to be my real life friends. but the natures of the relationships are different, more open.i came out to online friends before i came out to the others mostly because most of my friends online were also gay. i didn’t have that “in real life”.
and i’m very happy to see sam back! =)
Yup. I trust the people here more. and also i barely know nayof them in real life so i don’t have to worry much about being judged.
Definitely. I say more here than I do to most people in my life. I think it’s mainly because of how non-judgmental the members of the community (or at least the people I interact with on the site) are.
It depends. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
No.
I’m also glad to hear he’s back!
I don’t have any friends. So I am not worried about if it is easier or not. But I do have Xangan friends and no I that isn’t that hard to share things with them.
Certain things are easier to share on Xanga than in real life. Btw, I’m very happy to see Sam back.
Xanga is a writen form, not a spoken. For many people it may be easier to define there thoughts in writing than in speech. But definitely I believe that we do not challenge each other in the same way that “real life” people do.
I think it is a lot easier to share here than in our real life. If someone berates you…delete them. That doesn’t really work when standing face to face with family and friends. The first person I came out to was my mom. About 30% of my family know, most of my friends, and all of Xanga.
Not really…I’m just as much of a sarcastic ass IRL as I am online. Glad to see him back though.
Yes. It is harder for the internet to really judge you because most people on the internet don’t really know you. However, it is easy for people to quickly judge a person in real life.
The internet provided a lot of anonymity for me as it does for many others. Its the psychological effect of not having to say anything face to face or even meet the person. Xanga provided me a platform to be open and who I am. Now that I’ve also come out of the closet, it feels better. I have no more to hide.
No one is more important to a person than their family so you can see why someone would feel more comfortanle telling online strangers especially when they don’t know their online friends in person.
Given that most of my family follows me on Xanga, sharing something here would mean having them know about it…and having to explain why I shared it on Xanga first.
Absolutely. It’s so much easier being yourself on Xanga, because people here don’t judge you like those in real life. We all blog here because we have things on our minds that we probably wouldn’t even tell our closest RL friends. I feel like I can speak my mind here… if I acted like that around certain people in my life, they’d think I was nuts. But with Xanga, we’re kinda all in the same boat.
very much so. my xanga is basically my journal.
Some things I do find easier, such as the family problems I experienced about two years ago. My Xanga friends were always here for a ton of support, while my family, they still didn’t get it what they were doing. The world got it before they did, so I think a lot of other people feel that way, as well.
Of course. For example, none of my friends or family know I cut. But tons of people on Xanga do. Blogging is like a diary that everyone can read. And you can find people who blog about the same things as you and you can bond.
Definitely, sometimes it’s good to get unbiased opinions from people that aren’t personally involved in your life.
Definitely. My Xanga account is linked to my Facebook account, but sometimes, if I write a somewhat personal post, I’ll opt out of posting it on my Facebook since my family and close friends are there.
Yes, it’s easier to share here in some ways. I can vent about things that it might be a burden for my friends and family to hear.
It’s a lot easier on Xanga. Most of us are understanding people….I still haven’t come out to everyone IRL.
No
Yeah, because you can’t block or delete people in real life who don’t accept you for who you are. No matter what the reason is. But here, if someone starts berating you and harassing you, it just takes a few clicks and there gone. For the most part.
It’s definitely a lot easier to tell people things on Xanga before you tell people in real life. People on Xanga most likely don’t know you in real life and are usually unbiased. That’s also why I prefer to have an anonymous Xanga to post my most dirty little secrets. Okay, not really. I just use it as a personal journal of sorts, except that everyone with a Xanga account can read it, but they don’t know who I am unless it happens to be one of my friends that takes a good guess.
I tell everyone everything (online friends & offline). I have friends online I’ve known longer than people in real life. LOL I dont think people I meet online are less than other friends. Since I live far from home to begin with for the time being, I tell most things online so everyone sees. Who isnt online in this day & age?
I don’t think I’ve ever had a secret that big…so, I really wouldn’t know. I could see it being easier for some, sense there’s a computer wall between them…you don’t have that with your family and friends. Hopefully.
No… it’s the same. -for me- On line or real. When expressing something difficult and emotional, the impact is the same.
hmmm, I do find it easier to post on xanga than to tell people I actually know about things. I dont take the judgements so personal here.
Yeesss.
Sometimes it’s easier to say something here, but I still keep a lot from Xanga.
yes. i came out of the closet about being an atheist around the holidays on xanga first.
No. There are just certain things I don’t share… without a good bit of trust that it won’t go far.
yea it more getting your emotions out before you have to do it out in the real world
Most of the things I share on the internet I have never and will never share in real life. It’s fear of disappointing th eones really close to you I guess.
…no.
And wow I never thought he was gay.
completely – there’s a feeling that you won’t be judged nearly as hard. And even if you are judged, it by people you don’t have to deal with everyday.
Yes, definitely! I can choose my words carefully and write them without being constantly interrupted by questions or having the subject changed before I’m finished. It’s also a sort of test run to gauge all the likely of reactions, providing a chance to come up with responses in advance and possibly avoid coming off as defensive or argumentative.
yes…nobody judges me on xanga
i definitely have no problem telling xanga what i cant tell anyone else. lol.
I have very few online friends and I’m rather guarded regarding the sharing of personal stuff so…
It is never easy to share deep personal trials. Grats to your friend on finding the courage.
@LauraG0929 - I agree
Though for me, it doesn’t replace having a good friend right beside you. If I met a Xangan on here and we lived near each other, I would def meet up. Though, I haven’t gotten close to anyone on Xanga. It’s a lot easier for me to talk about my abuse, my past, and my diseases because I mostly remain anonymous. I want to reveal myself, but I’m afraid that I will be judged.
@Tanezia_Delight - You cut? Can we date? Bloodplay really gets me feeling randy.
Oh yes.. SO much easier!
it’s easier to say things to someone you don’t know in real life…there’s no disappointment or expectations.
Gay or not, glad Sam is back on Xanga – doesn’t change a thing for me.
In regards to sharing information being easier to share online or in real life…I’d say in real life it’s easier. Online can be a bit daunting…what, with everyone expecting things from you…and only written words expressing what’s going on….rather limiting.
xanga is the perfect alternate universe. we have people, friends, and for the most part – it is as close to a utopian society as it gets. i see people taking photos of a flower and posting it here. many others come and praise it, tell the photographer what a good job…. IRL, would you take that photo to church on sunday and show it around? coming out of the closet on xanga is similar to testing the waters before applying it to a real life situation. unfortunately, the real life friends are generally not so accepting as those on xanga. is it the people or is it really the fact that we can be tolerant HERE because we feel safe…..
sometimes
I think it was hard for me to tell people on here because their perception of me was based completely on my online persona. I mean, I’m not saying I’m not an idiotic goofball in real life, because I am, but my real-life friends had other clues about me that made my coming out not as “shocking”, thus making it easier to tell them (though still incredibly hard). Like how I’ve never had a girlfriend or expressed interest in having a girlfriend. I don’t act feminine; it’s just when you don’t express physical interest in the opposite sex, you start getting questioned.
I should come out. It would make me instantly popular, my own sexuality aside.
Sometimes, yes. Very much so.
Absolutely. Xanga friendships are different than real life interactions. You don’t have to see them face-to-face the next day, so there’s really no awkwardness involved after revealing something of a huge magnitude.
The internet is like alcohol. It makes people brave.
I don’t know Sam,ut I am going to click on him.
My son came out to me first, and for that I felt very honored. In fact, I had just written n my joural that I wished he would hurry and tell me. Honestly, parents have t have their head in the sad not to know!
I did “out” myself as the mother of a gay son in Xanga and it went over like a ton of bricks. I am no longer friends with most of my former Xanga friends. I apparently and too supporive and not Christian enough. WTF!!
So glad he’s back!
But yeah, I think it’s easier for me because I don’t actually know the people, so it matters less if they judge me or not.
Just did a vlog about sharing things with the Xanga community vs. friends and family. There are certain things I find so much easier to talk about online than to those closest to me. Seems like it shouldn’t be that way, but it is for me!
I came out to my kids first. Then xanga so I could get straight (no pun intended) in my head, what I would say to my friends. My best friend was next, and then my wider circle of acquaintance, and extended family.
I was lucky no one, on or offline judged me.
for sure!
probably because the internet is mostly moar liberal than my conservative azn famiree…..
It’s nice that people consider Xanga to be such a community they can share the intimate details of their lives with.
Yeah, a lot easier. The people I meet online generally don’t give a fuck that I’m into girls and not into sex…that I smoke and drink and pull stupid shit.
My family and friends do and I have a very distinct feeling that there would be some shunning…
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I’m just so easily embarassed. :S
Definitely, because most of my problems usually involve my friends in real life one way or another, so it’s nice to get outsiders’ opinions on things sometimes.
Yes.
If people from my real life came across my xanga, I’d have to shut it down. Personal details are on here, stuff I don’t want them reading. I don’t care if any stranger off the street sees it if they do so desire, but not the people it’s written about. [That will come back to bite me in the ass one of these days, but there's always hope, isn't there?]
I’m really fortunate I have a handful of close friends I can turn to and know I’m supported, so I don’t usually have to turn to xanga friends. I used to more a few years ago, but I haven’t been too active on here the last year or so.
No I don’t. My family is very easy to talk too and very understanding. But I shall come out of the closet right here in this post and tell you that I was in the coset doing spring cleaning:):):)
Hell yes. But recently I know too many Xangan’s in a personal way. So it’s still with other Xangans but only the ones I treat like my best friends. And maybe it’s like an in between, but there are some pretty “wow” things I’ve only said on the phone since it’s easier to explain myself.
yes, definitely! I feel like we’re all another family and we have things in common, as we’re all on a blogging site that no one thinks is popular, sharing our thoughts with each other. I love Xanga =)
plus, there’s also the fact that it’s often easier to share things with strangers than in real life. you don’t see them all the time, so you’re not afraid of judgment. even if they do judge you, you don’t have to face them all the time.
If people on xanga don’t approve of you, the worst they can do is to leave a nasty comment. They can’t come after you with a baseball bat!
Seriously I was out before I started on xanga, so I don’t know how to answer.
I am definitely more open on Xanga than I am in real life. If I talked to my friends about half the stuff I wrote in my journal here on Xanga, they would stop be friends with me because of all the drama. That is the purpose of journals/blogging. People can read it or not. No worries.
It is so much easier to share things on Xanga than in real life. The people on Xanga cannot really hurt you unless they know you personally, and thus, it has its own built in safety feature.
No.
I’d rather speak to people I know. Because they know me.
WELL JA I THINK MOST SEEK THE COMFORT OF STRANGERS WHATEVER THE REASON…EASIER THAN FAMILY (THEY COME W/ EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE)
Totally. 100%
I….”came out” to two of best friends before I joined Xanga. While they are extremely accepting and supportive, I kind of regret telling them. It hasn’t made me feel better or worse by saying it. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I’m still confused about myself. I enjoy debating about it in my head and on Xanga though. I like to think.
Wow..
I thought Sam mentioned he had a gf, didn’t he? Nice to hear he is back.
xanga was my little secret world where my gf and i could post openly and talk to each other and the world recognized us as a couple…until my dumb ass left it open accidently to get something then feel asleep….then mom came and shut it down…fb is too general i like my small xanga family who can comment or not comment but mostly never judge
I love Sam *weeps happily*
Definitely. My family especially the elders are very judging and there’s a lot they don’t understand and won’t try to understand.
Yes.
Quite the opposite, actually.
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Oh come on. People who find this easier need some serious training in interpersonal communications.
I came out as well
I am anomynous here. From the name of my friends on my blog, to my name, to EVERYTHING
so if people hate my sexuality here, they aren’t hating me to my face
I could NEVER tell my family, my 2 best friends know but thats it.
Here is safer, I can’t get beeten up
@stillooking2find - please don’t be rude if you havn’t come out
you have no idea what it is like, expecially in the bible belt
I definitely share more of myself on Xanga than I do anywhere else. Xanga is outlet. I don’t need to my friends and families to know my innermost thoughts and feelings and rants about girls who have elastic waistbands. (Okay, they hear about the waistbands).
When I first came out, I came out online. It’s a nice form of support.
Definitely.
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@ShimmerBodyCream - try not to be such a fucking idiot, ok?
Of course.
No one who reads my Xanga knows me in real life (Well, I sure hope not), so there aren’t any preconceived notions that I have to stick to.
It’s complicated, but it’s simple at the same time.
Absolutely. I have a very different personality here at Xanga, or at least I express myself more freely to people that I don’t know.
yeeees.
@plasticjewelry - Ew. Do you got the AIDS?
Yes, because I don’t face them every day, you know? I don’t have to worry about their expression or thoughts as I unveil my life. However, I also have many people I know in life who now read my xanga, so I’m not as open as I wish I could be sometimes. I could go private all the time, but I already have enough of those posts. I want feedback. You know? I want to know that someone, somewhere is willing to “go through this with me,” so to speak.
“Real” friends? You mean physically close friends. Some people feel that their online friends had a chance to know their inner selves’ depths quicker than the people they knew first in real life, so they feel more comfortable telling them.
Of course. I mean so what if a faceless person on the net were to stop talking to me. It wouldnt affect me nearly the same as it would to be disowned by my parents.
Yes because I know I’m never going to actually meet any of them in person.