August 16, 2010
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Xanga Friendships
I was reading a pulse by passionflwr86 and she wrote, “It occurred to me… I feel closer, to many of you, than I do to people “IRL.” I chose to think of this as a very good thing.”
Do you think it is a “good thing” to be closer to people on xanga than you are to people in real life?
Comments (96)
Depends on who you are around in real life.
i think its good to be close to everyone:)
For some people, yes. For others, no.
For me, it’d be bad for them to be closer, but I’d welcome some of them being at the same level of closeness.
Kinda.
I don’t think it should be good or bad. I think it just is.
“Closer”? No. But I don’t have to tell you, Dan, that I’ve made some close friends here.
I can’t say that it’s good or bad. But I do say it says something about this place about the closeness of the bonds formed by people on here. I guess part of it has to do with the personal thoughts we tend to let out in our blogs, that allow people on here to see sides of us we would normally hide “IRL”. It can be viewed good in the aspect that those bonds can be formed at all, but perhaps bad that we find it so difficult to open up to people we meet in our daily lives. It’s something worth pondering to be sure.
Dan, I feel closer to you than anyone IRL.
Some people on Xanga deserve more credit than IRL.
If you are true to yourself on the internet and true to the people you are friends with on the internet, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. A lot of xanga friends are really good friends.
It’s weird how the blogospehere has different cultural norms than the real world. We say things here that we wouldn’t be able to say to people we are close with. It’s a good thing and a bad thing. I think some people overdo Xanga and use it as a crutch.
Sure.
Who says online relationships aren’t part of “real life”? That’s a weird distinction. We’re people here, too. (I think.)
But I don’t think xanga friendships can replace the people you know outside of the internet.
I don’t really think there’s one answer for this. It’s good or bad, depending on the person.
For me? No, it’s not a good thing. I take friendships far too seriously. But, even though I don’t think it’s a good thing, there are a select few on this site that I’ve grown very close to. Whether it’s good or not, sometimes it just happens.
Yes I feel in many ways people here are closer due to the method, IRL they probably would act the same as other people IRL we know. C’est la vie…
@imasilentheart - Ooo phenomenology? Nice! I like this response.
No
xanga friends make the best friends. but should they replace RL friends? no way. We all need that real life interaction.
That really depends on who the individual is I think. I’ve met a few people in here that I’d back to the wall any day of the week if they needed me.
You can have both I guess. Really good, sincere friends in RL and really terrific friends in here too. As long as they mean a lot to me, they’d always have me watching their backs.
@suggestivetongue - ILU LO LOLZ
I have a select few that I am close to that I met via Xanga. But our friendship is not exclusive to just this website. We text or talk on the phone or get together if applicable. Now to these select few they are closer to me than people I’ve known my whole life. They are better friends too.
@Drakonskyr - <333333333333345678+1+1=ME+U INTERNET FREINDS.
sure, why not?
Very good. I love you Dan!
No harm in that at all. If it is better online for some people, what does it matter we think? If they rather to have physcial contact with people, then hey! all the merry for them! But like I said, no harm. As long as everybody got somebody.
I choose to believe that most of the people on xanga are real.
@saintvi - Yeah! I’d go with that too. Also the facades on Xanga are more obvious and even celebrated. I have met some real dickwads in real life that unfortunately I need to associate with for various reasons. After a day of that I find this place a real relief. Despite the drama there are a lot of genuine souls here and you will never, ever, have a group of intelligent and creative people without drama.
Ditto what saintvi said.
Eh.
uhhmm no i dont think so, because only people in real life can give you hugs<3
I am closer to people on xanga than to people in real life. But I’m not even that close to people on xanga. I’m just really introverted.
Seeing as how I have few to no real life friends, yes.
Xanga friendships are a part of real life. I communicate with my xanga friends on the phone, on video chat, through written letters (and sometimes packages), on facebook, etc. I think it’s a good thing. People on xanga have access to thoughts and feelings that I would be hard pressed to admit to to most of my so-called real life friends.
i’ve grown to prefer it.
I suppose so….o.O
i think it IS a good thing. some people really are not that sociable IRL and xanga offers them a chance to explore and learn about themselves.
It can be. For a while my only friends were from Xanga and a forum I did.
I’ve gotten CLOSER to people on Xanga than I have to people in real life…since Xanga IS real life and all.
sometimes
In some cases yes…
I think closer when it comes to writing about ideas, dreams, and discussions but not when it comes to inside jokes and actually meeting and seeing friends (at least for me). But I am glad that this can be a place of refuge like that for those who need it.
Who knows, maybe someday those xanga friends become IRL friends too.
Honestly? No. I think that if you’re closer to people on the interwebs than you are IRL, maybe you are spending too much time on line and you are neglecting your RL relationships. That said, I don’t think it’s bad to have online friendships, and as someone else pointed out, maybe it all depends on who you’re around in RL. It’s just kind of sad if you can’t relate to anyone in person.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing for me, I’m pretty happy my close friends are those I can meet up with in 5 minutes to grab a coffee. I know who they are very well, and they know me well. I don’t think I can trust people online the same way because you can’t be certain what anyone says is real, or they are being sincere, or they are really at all who they say to be and not just someone who presents themself as such. I can appreciate the feeling of being able to be more honest though, if not more dramatic, because you don’t have to live with judgements the same way; you can find new friends, and unsub people who are pissing you off. You can’t get rid of people as easily in person, or delete comments you don’t feel like hearing. If it makes you happy though, then sure why not.
I enjoy having close friendships online, for instance I’m closer in some ways to the poeple i used to play WoW with than some friends irl…but that’s just because at the time I was spending more time online than off. I think it just depends on where you spend most of your time as to how you feel about it.
my closest friends IRL I met online. A few of them here on Xanga.
assumin I know people in real life…
I don’t believe that people I meet on Xanga aren’t my “real life” friends. The internet is still real life, and you are still communicating with very real people. I talk to many of my “Xanga friends” on the phone and webcam, and have made plans to meet a few of them. They are just as dear to me as my friends that I have here where I live.
What’s IRL? -watering, tired, red eyes-
I think most of this is fleeting… Although I do have some very solid xanga relationships I love.
Intellectual intimacy, emotional/psychological honesty, can be difficult to come by in “the real world.” Especially when you’re in a dog-eat-dog environment where you have to protect yourself.
Of course, one should ideally go hunting for special friends in “real life;” shouldn’t be too difficult, just go to places where one can be happy.
Since I’m the one you quoted… yes, I think it’s a good thing.
Thanks for referencing my pulse, Dan!
@saintvi - I’m with Vi on this one~
Good and bad. It’s easier to open up to someone online, but even if you do get close it’s not the same as an IRL friendship.
depends on yourself. but so far, I’m close with Xanga friends and real friends ^^
I have a few close people that I am friends with like my mom and boyfriend. But, I would say besides that the people online know more about me and are my true friends. Besides my mom and boyfriend they are always there for me no matter what.
I don’t think so…
I don’t see much of a problem in that at all. I mean, we are all essentially real people. It’s just through xanga we’re more likely to share what we really think and feel. The internet is safe. If you tried to have a conversation about alot of the things you’d see on xanga with someone in real life, they probably wouldn’t take to well to it, because you’re catching them off guard. Here, we choose what to reply to, what to post.. and there’s usually no drama in what comes with it.
It’s a split.
It’s quite possible to form close friendships with people on-line, through xanga or other avenues. You get to know people just as you do in RL. Sometime quicker actually if you meet in an interest based community. But you can actually do things with RL friends, knock on their door and take over their couch. Proximity has a great effect on my choice of RL friends becuase I like going out and doing things and that’s a little hard to do if your web friends live across an ocean. Sorry, but I don’t have the money to go over there an visit.
But I care about my web friends, look forward to their comments and dedicate things to them. Give them advice. I feel like I can be a ton more open to those I met online than not. Maybe because they only get to see my side of things as opposed to judging me against the rest of my posse, but would feel awful if anything happened to them.
Just the other week actually I got this morbid thought that if I died, I would want my sister to access my web haunts and inform people what happened. Usually if someone doesn’t pop up once in awhile I joking send them a message wondering if they died, but if I really did there would be people online I would really want to be made aware of the fact. And I worry that they might never know if such a thing happened to me, because it’s easy for such news to travel in the physical world but in something so big as the Internet it really has to be a more direct telling. RL groups mingle and most of my RL friends are at least aware of each other. On-line, it’s a more one-on-one thing.
So is it wrong to have close friends whom you met in cyberspace? No. But I don’t think they should be your only friends.
I think that depends. I think that cultivating online relationships is a good thing but that they should eventually get to a place where if you had the opportunity to meet that person IRL you would, and that experience would add to the online persona.
Perhaps. Lol.
I think it can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you view it. If you use Xanga to express your true thoughts and feelings, then this is a great things, as you feel close to the people you share the most with. However, if you view Xanga as merely another form of communication, or let it overcome your tendency to be active in your physical life, then this could be really a dangerous thing.
My first thought was, how sad. But now that i think it over, i share more on here than i do to “IRL” people. So perhaps its not such a bad thing. It’s easier to share personal things when you dont have to be around the person all the time, and look them in the eye, or when you dont have to explain why you do certain things, or put up with certain things.
Yes and no. It helps to have someone you can talk to about anything face to face.
I feel that sometimes it’s easier to be closer to the people physically not there for you. Like how people can be meaner to someone on line… it’s just something people do. I think it’s okay to trust certain people online more than reality friends.
I don’t know any people in real life.
If you plan on transitioning the relationship into an IRL one then there’s no problem but I do believe it’s wrong to solely rely on somebody behind the screen for all the human interaction necessary to live a balanced life. It will just lead to problems. Sure, an Xangan can give you a figurative shoulder to cry on when you’re down but it’s not nearly as good as the real thing.
I still want to meet a Xangan. Anyone? lol
Friendships should be natural. Let everyone find love wherever they can, whether online or off.
No i have like 3-4 close xanga friends on here….get a life if someone feels closer to a “internet friend”
if you never make the effort to meet IRL, then its a pseudo relationship lame.
No. You need to have real life interactions and friends moreso than on the internet via xanga.
i don’t think so.
I’ve come to find that I care about more people on xanga than I do people “in real life” so I don’t really think it’s a good thing. but it happens.
I don’t have a clue about the ‘goodness’ of it.
I’d welcome people to become close to me online, but I don’t think it’s better than being closer to people in real life. I think it’s better to have closer relationships with people in real life and actually interact with others in person as opposed to online all the time.
Haha… not necessarily. But for some people, this type of community is all they have.
Personally, I am not closer to people on Xanga than I am those in real life. I don’t think I can say whether this is a bad thing or not though. I believe most things to be situational.
It doesn’t really matter to me. I mean I have several online friends that I’ve known for 6 years & am closer to than the friends I’ve had IRL fooor practically my whole life. I find it more miraculous & awe inspiring than bad. They are people too after all.
My Xanga friends are just as real to me as those I have in IRL and to be honest, I value much of my Xangan friends MORE than I value my IRL life friends because I’ve gotten to know them on a much deeper level.
“Closeness” to others is a complex issue which can’t be responded to simply. A part of us is close to parts of others on Xanga and often those parts create great resonance. However, with real (non-virtual) people, all of us are relating to all of them and so the amount of resonance is different and often not as great. It should probably be said that we need both and that one should not obscure the other.
Speaking from experience outside of xanga, you should be closer with people you regularly see “irl” than simply online.
I know a bunch of shitheads IRL so yes. It goes boyfriend & family -> xanga -> RL friends.
Some xanga people ARE RL friends and they are higher than the xanga people.
No. Anyone can type a bunch of words on their computer over the internet. In real life its more personal and um.. REAL.
Having real relationships outside the web obviously requires more work and effort, so no, if our closest relationships are online, that probably means we are less capable of meaningful relationships.
no, you need friends in real life, not where words can be twisted and no face to face interaction occurs. I think it’s sad, and a little unhealthy, to make better xanga friends than ones in your own life. A person needs to be able to speak up and form lasting relationships off the internet for so many different reasons.
@JosephParsons - oh an this.
I don’t consider it a bad thing at all! The fact that you have created the relationships with people on Xanga is great, and the fact that you are comfortable around them is even better.
A_beautiful_Disaster, a retired xangan, saved my life! I finally met her this past march and she was a goddess. Needless to say we were, and are, very close. I love a few of my xanga friends dearly and think it is a great thing. I guess as long as you have a good mixture of both.
No. I’m not into Xanga friends, but if I was, I would still want to feel closer to people in real life. You can’t get everything off an internet relationship you can from actually talking to someone and doing something with them face to face.
Of course, some of you have meet ups and have probably met multiple times, so I suppose that’s different because you’ve taken the relationship to a new level. Personally, it’s still ingrained in me to never meet anyone off the internet, because they will all be pedophile rapists here to kill us…thanks to all the videos we had to watch on online predators throughout school.
I think it’s good to have a balance.
yes I think it is, its good to have close people no matter where they are located
In some ways, yes.
Depends. I think it’s good to have interactions with people you can actually hang out with IRL, but having Xanga friends is awesome too.
For the most part no. I think that Xanga gives me the ability to be more open and honest about how I feel but at the same time my subs then know things about me that I wouldn’t necessarily want people in my real life knowing.
Also, I think that you run into the same issues with having “close Xanga friends” as you do in online dating, which is that you may not really know the person on the other side of the computer as well as you think you do, you only know what they choose to put forth, you can’t see them in their house, with their friends, at their work, you don’t really know who they are.
Depends.
When I was younger (in my early teens), I was unable to make friends IRL, so I escaped to the internet. I searched for a place where I would be understood, where I could talk to someone. And I stumbled upon one website… Thanks to some of the people I started talking to on it, I gained more confidence, I felt liked, cared about. They made me realize so much about myself… they encouraged me to open myself. They had my back without being even present in my RL. As I write about it now, it seems that they were like my support group. Either way, at some point, it became easier for me to talk and interact with people IRL. As of those online friends… well, some of them are gone, some of them I still talk to online… as of the rest: we are now friends IRL
I had a positive experience, but I can totally see how different people can be online -i.e. malicious, deceptive, mean etc. etc. -such individuals may not have the best influence on young people out there.
i’m not close to anyone in general.
It can be good and bad. If you can’t live in reality normally because of it, then it’s bad.
However, it’s nice to have your “Xanga” friends to go to when you feel there’s none of your real life people to go to.Depending on the person, those in your everyday real life pester around in your business, embarrassing you or constantly bringing up something you told them and you can’t just get rid of them cause they’re always there.But on Xanga you can shut off the computer anytime you need to and be done with them and you don’t have to worry about having to hear their annoying voice or bumping in to them at work/school/home.Also, you can tell a Xanga friend your deepest secret and it’s not like it’s gonna be buzzing around the entire house the next day.You can have more ‘space’ and kinda control the environment.
=)
@itsayanav - Thanks for your answer.
I believe we have to be honest and sincere to all men (women inclusive) regardless of the platform. After all, we have a common humanity and much more a common CREATOR.
Well… I mean, they ARE real people. So why not, right? A friend is a friend, and they come in all forms, from anywhere in the world. I’ve become quite close to some people on here.