August 17, 2010
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Sluts and Whores
Recently I posted about a woman who claimed to have sex with 5000 men in nine years.
So many people said some negative things about the woman. I saw people refer to her as a “slut” and a “whore.” In fact, it was pretty much open game on the woman. Here is the link: Link
Is it acceptable to make judgments about people based on their actions?
Comments (131)
If someone doesn’t want to be labeled a slut they should keep their legs closed.. or charge.
Good job danny boy. Now this is a title I can work with.
Heehee, yes. What else would you make judgments on? People who think they don’t judge the actions of others are lying to themselves and everyone else. In fact most of them are more likely to pass judgments just based on who people are, opposed to actions.
it’s never really acceptable… but with more extreme actions like that, how can you not? of course, i’m a girl. so i’m completely guilty of making judgements.
Uh…what else do we base our judgements on? i mean, action speak louder than words, right?
No.
“Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn…la vie boheme!”
Of course it’s okay to judge people based on their actions. Maybe not one action, but actionS.
it’s not acceptable but in many ways, the truth doesn’t matter, it’s the perception that drives people.
Isn’t that how we are judged generally? Mother Teresa wasn’t exactly known as a party girl.
I think people make judgments based on what they see on the surface. That’s normal and natural. I also think that people should make deeper judgments. Get to know the person. See WHY they do what they do. Otherwise, keep your surface judgments to yourself.
judge based on actions, as opposed to looks? what other things are there that we can judge people on?
Actions at a given point in time, not really. People make dumb choices they regret all the time. But then again, there may be some truth to the saying “we are what we repeatedly do…”
Slut: a woman who has the morals of a man; a girl that’s fucked so many guys she cant close her legs anymore
Whore: A woman that sleeps with everyone but YOU!!!!! SEE: SLUT – A woman that sleeps with everyone.
This is from a VERY reliable source.
:]
It depends on who ends up facing the concequences of someone else’s actions, in my eyes. So she f*cked A LOT of guys . . . yep, grosses me out, but hey, it’s her life and her decision. She shouldn’t be judged for that. Now if she’s contracted an std and is continuing to f*ck on that 9 year, 5,000 men schedule, then I will judge her as a bad person because she’s negatively affecting other people. Condoms can only protect so much.
I suppose, but not in an offensive way. If the comments are negative, there are better ways to phrase it so it won’t come off as harsh; better yet, don’t talk….
I just feel like rude comments to people that the commenter doesn’t know personally is low. Rather than ‘slut’ or ‘whore’, a ‘I think her actions are not something I’d approve of for my children, etc, etc’ would have been a better response. Less vulgar. More…. motherlike.
I’m starting to sound like an old lady
I’m not even in my 20s yet. Noooo *sobsobsob*
@CareyGLY - :) Best comment so far. Made me smile.
lol, oh well you just had this all planned out now didnt you?
@ThePrancingPony - Lmao! Great comment.
“If you don’t want to be called a slut, don’t act like one.” <—My dad said that to my sister and I think it’s pretty accurate. For me, it would be no different if you had a picture of a guy up and stated he’d slept with 5,000 girls. He’d be a slut, too.
@poetically_truthful - Thanks!
I’ve been with the same guy for years now, but back in my younger years i liked to sleep around. I’ve had sex with over 30 men. People used to call me a slut… and ya know what, I WAS! I had no respect for myself or anyone else. And people found it repulsive, and i agreed with that too. So if i’m a slut for doing 30 guys, she’s definetly a slut. Actions DO speak loud, and even though we shouldn’t judge one another, we all do it. Let me know if a single one of you out there has NEVER judged a person’s character by an action they made.
How the hell else do you judge somebody?
I don’t think I commented, but if she actually looked her age, wasn’t trying so hard to get attention, and wasn’t posing next to a tool people would have been less harsh on her.
Oh come on you all were thinking it! I believe we all are hypocrites in one way or another. I will be the first to admit it. Oh and wow I have some catching up to do, if 5,000 is the new acceptable number of sex partners not to be criticized, times that by 7, I am wayyyy behind!
@ThePrancingPony - Wonderful
I certainly have more respect for this woman, who has a rule of not sleeping with taken men, than women who make it a sport to seduce men who are in a relationship. She’s not hurting anyone, except perhaps herself.
I hate the way we negatively categorize women who are only doing what every man does. Wasnt it Wilt Chamberlain who claimed to have slept with thousands of women? Nobody seems to think that is “disgusting”. But women cant have that sexual freedom. Instead, we are expected to be completely non-sexual and “safe”. Fuck that.
I cant stand the use of the word “whore” or “slut” to describe someone who is simply living their life as they see fit.
No, we should only make judgments based upon people’s non actions.
Everyone judges and it’s seems like there wouldn’t be enought time to sleep with 5000 men. Yes indeed sleeping with such an outrageous amount of men would indeed make you a whore but if that makes you happy then what matters.
And as far as wording goes no don’t go out of your way to cut down somebody but mean what you say if you ask someone if you look fat and they say no of course not you look just bigger than someone smaller TT_TT wtf do you think they mean? Use your brains people balance and take credit for what you say
I didnt out right call her a whore, but if saying you slept with 5,000 men isnt whore-ish, or sluty, then what is?
&& like someone else said, its not like people were judging her on her looks, they’re judging her by what she claims to have done, which shows her character. If you cant judge someone based on that, then what can you judge them on? ( && dont give me the “only God can judge us” line, people judge, its what we do. You can be as ‘Christian’ or religious as you want to be, they still judge on other things.)
That by far the best way to judge. Obviously she is no whore ano doubt she has ever been paid for what is given away so freely. In her case I think the real word is Nymphomaniac
“Is it acceptable to make judgments about people based on their actions?”
lol Interesting wording for the question hah
Is she not a whore/ slut for sleeping with “5,000″ men that she claims?
& isn’t the definition of slut = an offensive term for sexually promiscuous girl?
We all judge people it’s part of us
Your actions depict who you are. So yes.
yes.
Who cares.
@ShimmerBodyCream - What she said.
The human race judges always, whether we all admit to or not.
DAN I MISS YA. Whaaaa??!!!! Then, jeez, bamzie, HOW ABOUT YOU COME ON XANGA MORE OFTEN?! iono… I’m nuts?
Yes, it is acceptable to make judgment based on actions. I rather someone made a judgment about me on something I actually did vs. speculating and making a judgment based on my appearance.
In this case, it wasn’t other people saying that she slept with 5000 men. She went to a magazine claiming she did this. It comes with the territory of wanting attention. Did she think people were going to read it and say, hey, that’s nice she slept with so many men? She’ll make a great role model. What she was really looking for is a reality tv deal.
But the way, in that article, she kept a record of the guys she slept with in a red book and adds stars next to the ones she considered the best. What does this tell you?
Of course. That is a broad and ridiculous question because we all make judgements based on actions all the time. I think the ROOT of the issue here is, is it acceptable to judge a woman (or ANYONE) based solely on the number of sexual partners they have had?
To my mind, no. I respect any man or woman who engadges in casual sex so long as he or she is honest and upfront about the situation and their expectations with their partners. Being safe is also important. Just because my brain and heart are not wired that way doesn’t make someone who does swing inferior. It is all about honesty and respect.
It’s not a nice thing to do, but people being as judgmental as they are it’s widely accepted (at least in my experience) if you have heard even a rumor or the way a woman dresses suggests that she has a leas than ‘acceptable’ lifestyle she is referred to as a whore or slut even to her face.
I don’t understand it, but it seems acceptable to call someone by horrible names and not have any repercussions.
It seems like the best way to judge somebody. Better than judging on rumors or looks.
I think that we’re all guilty of judging a person’s actions. However, that doesn’t make it okay.
@CareyGLY - I lovelovelove that movie <3
@TooComplicated2Explain - http://careygly.xanga.com/731328321/viva-la-vie-boheme/
5000 is a lot. Hopefully the people engaging in sexual relations with her were aware of this.
Everyone judges other people, even though we say we don’t judge..but actions are louder than words…
and if you don’t want to be labeled as a slut, or whore, then don’t do the actions of such.
I wouldn’t call her a whore. A whore gets paid for having sex.
@ThePrancingPony - Hahaha nice.
Han shot first but that doesn’t mean I’m Greedo
Well if 5,000 is just her minimum… I think she deserves a bigger name.
@TheHiddenRose86 - you are completely incorrect. 1) not every man behaves this way. in fact, contrary to popular portrayals, there are still men out there who wait until they are married to have sex. 2) just because someone else behaves a certain way does not make it right. to say that men get away with behavior X so women should to is utter stupidity. the correct response is to no longer allow men to get away with said behavior.
Yup, she’s a slut.
I’m not trying to be mean. I’m simply stating fact.
Y’know, if a dude had proudly proclaimed to have slept with 5,000 women, people would be high fiving him.
Hey. Maybe she just like’s sex. A lot. There’s nothing wrong with that. What she does isn’t anyones buisness. As long as she isn’t sleeping with my man, or any of my friend’s men – let her do her thing.
People judge, it’s human nature, and as long as you don’t let your judgements get the best of you, and let people prove you wrong, it’s okay. Anyway, what else are we to base our judgements off? Physical appearance? I’m not a tabloid. ;P
@betterdesigned - What if the guy who’d slept with 5,000 girls slept with the woman who’d slept with 5,000 men? The old saying, when you sleep with someone you get that person and every person they’ve slept with before? My, My. What an orgy that’d be. The equivilent of an entire city’s population moving between the sheets.
Let’s start with one basic question: Was she truly saying the truth or is she actually a prostitute in terms of profession?
Coz if we make some calculations; 9 years times 365 days equals 3285 days. She had to sleep with more than one different man a day to get to that number…
To me, it’s just bull to get all these people who love gossiping or an opportunity to talk about values that they don’t really have or else they wouldn’t be talking in the first place.
Either way, yay to the lady who needed so much attention that needed to present the world with that number of sex experiences.
@the_evil_tamica - Oh there’s also a man whore judgement too
Her actions were the defintions for the above listed words. If using the word to describe her instead of the definition seems to cause great offense then we might as well say, “That woman in the above picture sleeps around with many men, sometimes several in one night. That woman is considered sexually promiscuous.”…or, if it’s easier, just call her a “slut”.
Yes. What other basis would you use, if not their actions?
nah. don’t judge based on actions. Just love and forgive one another.
Yes.
@Alle_in_Ashe - Haha! I love that thought…just for its pure ‘slutiness’.
Instead of judging her, I would probably be envious of her. Imagine having that wealth of experience behind you. Imagine if I said i had attended 5,000 concerts, or read 5,000 books. To me, I don’t see much of a difference.
“s it acceptable to make judgments about people based on their actions?”
What? What other basis is there to judge a person’s character? Race? Physical appearance? Heredity? Nationality?
Well we can’t help but judge, it’s in everyone to do that. And how else can we judge someone?
We are all guilty of it but honestly, who are we to judge anyone’s lifestyle unless its affecting us . This woman may be a “slut” but its her life. If she wants to sleep around I really don’t feel like I can judge her. Some people just like sex a whole lot more than others. And unless she is being unsafe I have no reason to judge her.
judging on actions, yes, judging on sex life, no. you never know who is a furry, who has 67 piercings in their cock, who is a sub or who swings, and frankly it’s none of your beeswax. what somebody does in the bedroom does not define them outside of it.
no. judging people based off of their actions and not taking any other factor into consideration is extremely ignorant.
No, but since she basically told the world what she has done, that alone was asking to be labeled as such. Nobody should judge, but when she decided to tell the world what she did, what did she think was gonna happen?!? Did she think she’d get a pat on the back and congratulated for being a slut?!? It’s interesting though cause if this were a man saying it, I am sure he’d be “the man” and not labeled as a manwhore. It’s her body and she can do what she wants, but she should keep her business behind closed doors instead of bragging to the world about it. I don’t think anyone cares what she does. I know I don’t. To each their own.
Is it wrong to judge that someone who killed someone in cold blood is a murderer?
Is it wrong to judge that someone who stole something from me is a thief?
Is it wrong to judge that someone who told me an untruth is a liar?
Actions are how we judge who people are.
@exhale_whispers - What other factor would outrank actions in terms of figuring someone out?
“It’s not who I am on the inside, but what I do that defines me.” –Batman
Um…..yes.
I think that’s a moot point, Dan.
A few things.
1 – if you don’t want to be called negative things, do not share your “active” sex life details with others
2 – it’s stupid that men can have sex with 5,000 women and be labelled some sort of sex god, while a woman is labelled a slut, whore, loose, etc.
3 – people are cruel, and that will never change. Anticipate that when you choose to share your intimate details
That being said, we don’t have to be terribly derogatory in our “appraisal” of her, should we need to form an opinion. But if I were in her position, I’d sure as hell not share that I’d had 5,000 penises pass through my vagina.
Yes. Not only is that disgusting in every sense, but it’s putting herself and every man after the first at risk of STDs. Gross. Why would someone do that, and after she did it, why would she tell anyone? Nasty.
@ChrisRusso - an individuals past plays a big part in who they become (if they allow it to). i wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t have a father figure (or a good one) growing up. or if she has a history of being abused. we can’t just look at her sex life and automatically spit out labels. that is not ok. we are not judges. there’s a reason why she is the way she is and it takes empathy to see that. quite honestly, i feel for her. i don’t know her history, but seeing where she is now, i don’t believe it’s a good one.
Actions speak louder then words and in this insane world, i realise that most people find it easy to put a label on someone so then it is ‘okay’ to label people.
Yes, but perhaps it is not fair to judge a person by only one aspect of their lives.
(Still, 5000 different partners in 9 years…that’s quite dysfunctional.)
It drives me nuts the way people hate sex so much they can only think badly of a person who does like it.
On the one hand, her actions fit the definition of the word, so is it judgment or is it observation? On the other hand, there are plenty of names for people who do the things we do too. I see the need for forgiveness and healing in her story, not expressions of condemnation.
I’ve never understood why anyone gives a shit what other people do with their own bodies. If it’s not affecting you, why do you care?
my kind of woman, a slutty whore !
No judging here! I went through a huge slut phase so I cannot cast a single stone. She should have done porn and made some cash…
If she’s satisfied with her lifestyle, why judge her? So that you can feel superior?
how else are we supposed to set standards? of course we judge by their actions.
Sluuuuuuuuut.
But if it was a guy… Now that would be a different story, I bet!
Yes, it is acceptable to make judgments about people based on their actions. However, to make more accurate judgements it is good to know something of their intentions as well.
Anyway, what is negative about being a slut or a whore?
I say actions speak louder than words, sure you can label someone for what they “say” they have done but its only worth calling them it if you have “actually” seen them do it (which would be pretty gross; seeing a lady screw 500 guys
)
Well, if we’re gonna judge, actions seem to be the most, erm, reliable(?) way to judge someone. Shows a person’s values and such. Of course, ideally we wouldn’t judge at all. Never know what circumstance led a person to those actions. I shouldn’t really be talking, I’m a huge hypocrite when it comes to this- judging and what not.
Yes. By one’s actions is one defined. You are what you do.
Is it acceptable to make judgments about people based on their actions?
Your actions define who you are. What else are we supposed to judge her on?
Whether or not it’s acceptable, people are going to do it.
@ChrisRusso - i never did like that line. who you are on the inside determines what you will do. your deeds and words simply expose that to the rest of the world.
Omg at first I thought it said 9 hours not 9 years.
But why is it so skewed to calling girls “sluts” when they sleep around. Technically, a guy who sleeps around just as much is on the same level. Yet most people tend to think it’s normal for a guy to sleep around like that. In fact, it is often glorified. Yes, I think we should be judged by our actions. But at the same time, what standard are we judging them from?
Actions speak WAY louder than words. So, OF COURSE! As a matter of fact, I’d say it would be foolish to judge someone only on their words when you have actions available. And once their actions have proven their character, then you no longer even need words.
I wouldn’t say it’s OK to make judgements about people based off of their actions, especially if we’ve never met the person. But honestly, how can we not? Especially when it’s something such as sleeping with 5,000 men.
“‘I just have two rules: no men who belong to someone else and only safe sex. Apart from that, pretty much anything else goes.”As long as shes not a home wrecker, it’s all fine and gravy with me. She must’ve not have gotten emotionally attached through 5,000 of these men.
“‘if I am a sex addict, I am enjoying it and don’t want to be cured.”I don’t think theres nothing wrong with that, unless your in a serious committed relationship, which in this case doesn’t seem to be the problem since shes single and free. Sex is also a very good release and reliever, it makes life stress free. Again, comes the emotional coming into place. There is nothing wrong with that. I mean it is a bit whorie, but who are we to honestly judge someone for what makes them happy. As long it doesn’t hurt anyone, I say thats fine.
“My behaviour wasn’t hurting anyone. I visited my local sexual health clinic every couple of weeks to make sure my lifestyle wasn’t harming me”Kudos to her.
I don’t think anyone should be judging her based on her way of life.
She admitted to having sex with 5000 guys. YES, it is alright calling her one of those. Judge her, eh, she could have a nice attitude, but if the shoe fits, she’s wearing it.
btw: she’s not that pretty….most those guys must have been drunk.
wow that’s way a lot…. must be addicted to sex?
Yes. Duh. If they made their own choices, and decided to behave that way, than they need to be prepared for the negative feedback or consequences they may face.
if you’re going to judge people at all, then i would say actions are the fairest grounds to do so.
Could we analyze those around us otherwise?
Well if you’re going to judge someone, judging them by their actions is the best way to do it.
how about fuck monkey? does that sound more appropriate?
i call guys sluts and whores too if they’re a little loose. i mean, 5000 is a lot. you are a slut if you didn’t make any profit from all that banging.
Is it acceptable to make judgments based on their actions? The question is about the ACCEPTABILITY? Hmmm. Good question. The unwise would say yes and the wise would say no.
lol well…..isnt a slut and a whore someone who….has sex..with alot…of people………………? so …idk man having sex with 5 freaing thousand dudes sounds pretty…well….like a slut! right? right?
Well maybe she enjoys it? People are different and they love different things. I’m sure everyone loves sex, just like how we all love food. Why are women portrait as non-sexual? surely she isn’t the only one who slept with a lot of men. At least she isn’t charging them for her services, at least I hope she isn’t. She probably have very good seduction skills too and as I recall skills isn’t something you just have, it’s something that you develop… You know if she was a guy who slept with 5,000 women, than all the guys in the world would look up to him with ALOT of respect.
@TheHiddenRose86 - Yep. I agree Wilt did in fact slept with thousands of women and no one is complaining about that. In fact no one cares and think it’s normal. Women should get the same right like that if they wanted to be treated equal.
An action and a situation are two different things.
A situation is a setting in which you have no control. You get stuck in traffic after an idiot in front of you cut you off and ended up causing a three lane pile up. That’s a situation.
An action is a direct influence on your physical person and the environment around you due to your choices, i.e., things that are under your control. You get tired of waiting in traffic so you cut off the guy behind you and end up causing a three lane pile up. That’s an action.
You can’t judge people by the situations they find themselves in.
You can, however, make a value judgment of a person’s actions and by extension get a general feel for the emotional and mental health and state of that person.
If this woman’s claims (which sound bombastically inflated) are true, then my value judgment on her actions is very poor and by extension I believe she possesses deep-seated issues with her own sexuality and self esteem.
However, because I pay attention to subtext, I am very much assured that this woman’s sexual endeavors are mostly fictional. Let’s do some math.
1 year = 365 days.
If she has sex with one man every day for an entire year, then over the course of about 13.5 to 14 years she would’ve reached her goal of a little over 5000. This means that she would’ve had to have engaged in multiple sexual scenarios per day, every day, for 9 years straight.
I don’t think that’s realistic. I think this is a cry for attention that should be discouraged in case it leads to unsavory behavior on her part.
@vixen_with_a_cause - I agree 100%, Its her own and her future partner’s business.
@ErnieDamnit - its a little over 1 1/2 men a day.
Sure is. If it waddles, quacks, has feathers and a beak-looks like a duck, it is a duck.
whore: a prostitute.
slut: an adulteress or someone who sleeps with someone other than her spouse.
based on her comments she is neither a whore or a slut.
i don’t understand why people get angry or frustrated when they should feel indifferent to something as insignificant as this.
@SamBarger - false
i usually don’t give much thought to promiscuous people unless they were involved with my own man or my friends’ partners.
on another note, if i were her, i wouldn’t &*^$ and tell.
Since condoms are 75% percent effective at stopping STIs, and the fact she’s been with 5,000 guys…
she looks like Brooke Hogan.
In your original post, you simply asked is it possible for the woman to have slept with 5000 men.
And back came the slut answers. That there was very little compassion in either of the original artice or the comments for this woman is sad.
We all know of alcoholics, drug addicts and the like. The DSMIV doesn’t recognize sex addition as an illness per se, but it is treated as such and there is that little group called Sexaholics Anonymous (you might do a post on that!). Clearly, the woman — no matter how many partners — has an addiction that is negatively affecting her life and manifests through compulsive behavior. She doesn’t admit it’s a problem any more than most alcoholics. I doubt your readers would be so harsh if you put a post up about a compulsive gambler, drug addict, or alcoholic.
@ShimmerBodyCream - I love your comments. Xanga needs a LIKE button. Truly SELF CONTROL is the key. Thanks.
@ThePrancingPony - I like this… WHere can I find a women like this?
WOW…that’s a big number.
I can’t really judge if I don’t know her situation.
Well, we ARE indeed judged by our actions in all places and all ways. It is unfortunate that our intent is not worn on our sleeve.
When I read this post, my heart grieved deeply for this young lady who does not know her value in Christ. She willingly and randomly gives that which is a gift from God given to her to share with her husband.
This is so very sad…but neither surprising nor unexpected in this world.
catzndogz9
It’s ok to make judgments if your conclusions follow the information given. Obviously, someone who has sex with 5,000 people isn’t anti-sex and probably enjoys sex. But when people call her a “slut” they are judging her by their own moral standards, which the woman obviously does not share. If someone thinks it is shameful for her to have sex with a great number of people, it says more about their own moral convictions and character than hers.
Personally, I don’t like the word “slut.” I think women should be free to have sex with however many people they want to. But I also can’t imagine having sex with 5,000 guys. And I think that my vagina would be hurting if I had sex multiple times a day, every day for years.
Wonder if she had 5000+ orgasms in 9 years.
It is not a judgement – it is a fact. She is a slut (if she charged she is a whore). Sex is ONLY for a husband and wife. Anything else is a sin. I hope she gets the help she needs before she goes to Hell for eternity.
Wow.. there’s not even 5000 days in nine years. Did she sleep with like 10 different guys each day or something? What did she do, grab every man that walked by?
Who likes getting judged? Everyone makes mistakes…but if sleeping with that many men for her isn’t a mistake, who are we to judge??
@ChrisRusso - YES… finally someone who understands the simplicity of it all
Depending on the actions. You kill kittens or puppies or kids, you’re a monster. Whack it to kiddie porn, you’re a pedo, sleep with 5000 people, you’re a slut.
Also…if you do the math…she slept with more than one guy a day, many, many times. So…she can’t even try and look better and say she knew all those people. Ick.