August 20, 2010

• Batman and Catwoman

  Once upon a time, in the dark and crime-infested city of Gothen, existed two superheroes who stood alone against the forces of villainy and evil. Known only as Batman and Catwoman, they kept their identities secret as they struggled thanklessly against all that was wrong in the world.

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  It is night. Deep in the bowels of the crime-infested metropolis, the infamous blogger DearRicky has been kidnapped by Twitter users, held at the mercy of his captors. Intent on malice they commit torture, again and again. Cries fill the night air. And yet, it is not only DearRicky who suffers, but indeed, the entire world! For they are making him post on Twitter. 

  
  Across the clouds stretching over murky skies, a signal is lit, and our heroes are summoned. There is no time to lose! Batman and Catwoman must use their time machine to go back to the past to save DearRicky. However, our heroes face a daunting task. Their time machine is fuelled only by the breast milk of Chocolatecoveredkittens.
  

  
  

  

  After gaining the crucial ingredient, Catwoman and Batman rush to the Batcave, and together they jump into the time machine and are transported back to the year 1999. It is shortly after Xanga started, and the world is fresh and new. The end of the war in Iraq is still 11 years away, and America possesses the youthful vigour of a nation in its ascendancy.

  
  After quickly acclimatizing themselves to the strange new world, Catwoman mentions to Batman that John, evil henchman of the Xanga team, lost his confidence after he dropped his ice cream. Sensing an opportunity to change the future for the betterment of all mankind, Batman quickly runs to catch the ice cream from dropping. Humanity is saved!

  

  Realising a further opportunity to combat evil, Batman and Catwoman use their keen insight and knowledge of the future to give John suggestions about Xanga’s destiny. Devising a cunning plan, they tell John about phone applications and mention a great idea about investing in a future site called Facebook. They also casually let slip that an instant message programme will be great addition to any social network website, and that people should be allowed to write applications for a their pages. John writes down all the ideas, and Batman and Catwoman hope he has been convinced.

  

  Then, Batman and Catwoman warn Cakalusa of the coming Asian wars and tell him not to scare off Ricebunny, the fortunes of whom will soon outweigh those of all other Xangans combined. 

  

  Relentless in their quest, Batman and Catwoman soon find DearRicky. They quickly realise the key to saving him is to let him know there is hope. They can provide a cure that will cause him to jump out of his wheelchair, using modern technology, and a few drops of the precious breast milk recovered from Chocolatecoveredkittens.

  

  

  Quickly seducing Chocolatecoveredkittens with promises of endless eprops, the dynamic duo get the breast milk, and inject it directly into DearRicky. Miraculously cured, DearRicky jumps up from his chair, and helps Catwoman and Batman beat up the evil twitter followers. The day is saved! 

  
  Tired, but glorious in victory, Batman and Catwoman walk off together into the rising morning sun. A thought percolates, and Catwoman asks if there are any other uses for Chocolatecoveredkittens’ breast milk. Batman replies, “I certainly hope so.”

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  • 10:42 am
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