August 30, 2010
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Would You Marry With Money in Mind?
I was reading the pulse by Makethemakersmile and she typed, “f*** working… i need a sugar daddy instead.”
I believe she was being sarcastic but I wanted to post on something related to this anyway.
I wonder at what level a woman considers how much her potential husband will make over the years when she gets married.
It is easy to state the answer of marrying for love but is that really true? I see posts all the time where women will indicate they just want to find a man with a good job. In other words, love is not the only factor. I am not saying that any of these women expect to hit it rich and marry a millionaire. But I think at some level, they have a certain expectation of how much their man will make.
So this question is really for women.
Would you consider the amount of money a guy makes as a factor in whether you would marry him?
Comments (114)
No because I’m going to be making enough money to support myself.
when i met my husband money was honestly not on my mind. he had an ok job but i don’t think good enough to support a family with. after we got engaged and i got prego he got a much better job. i do tell him though that if we hadn’t met or if he left me i’d marry into money. i do love me some money. but it’s not as important as my family. family is first a wad of cash is second lol.
I’d like to know that he is a stable person who is willing to do his part to keep us from living on the streets, but I wouldn’t really go “He earns this amount a month…nope can’t have him/yep can have him.” kind of thing.
Have you ever actually dated a millionaire? I have. A couple. No fucking personalities. Just spoiled, tepid human beings.
And I still paid for drinks!
/grumble
@suggestivetongue - So would you marry a man who worked at Mc Donalds?
@MrAlmighty - Doubtful, I don’t like McDonalds. I would be with someone who earned a similar wage. As long as they’re making income and can bring in some sort of money, whatever.
No. I would not.
i think i can always support myself. i never think about money when it comes to men, but my family’s biggest beef is what if something happens and i can’t work anymore?
Duh.
…says the girl dating a social worker…
but yes. Job stability’s a thing I need someone else to have while I’m a student, and commitment to a professional role indicates maturity in other areas — THOSE are the real traits I’m assessing, not a numerical value indicating some income to support ME.
I will marry a guy who is willing to try his best to support his family. If that’s hard, it’s hard and I will help as best I can. I won’t marry a guy who is lazy or expects me to work just so he doesn’t have to work as hard.
Of course. I need a guy who will be able to support me. That might sound sexist and shallow, cause it sort of is, but I guess I’m more traditional when it comes to this. I’ve always imagined, not being a house wife, but doing chores and cooking for my husband. I’m going to college because I want to be ABLE to support myself. But I like the idea of a man supporting me and our family.
I’d be a working mom.
@suggestivetongue - See, then it does matter about how much he makes then, doesn’t it? lol “Similar” wage is basically saying, “He has to make as much money as me or more”. Maybe not “Sugar” daddy, but money matters.
Some women are more interested in having things to love and some want a real person to love. The ones who are more interested in things just put up with the person while the one who wants a real person doesn’t let money or lack of it keep them from loving.
When I married my husband he was making minimum wage at an auto parts store. And now he is working in the oil field. We don’t know how long that will last or where he will go when/if that ever comes to an end. I have stayed with him through bouts of unemployment (granted, we were married, but there were bouts of it when we weren’t married, also). And I would do it all over again if I had the choice. I wouldn’t change a thing. I did not marry him for his money, I married him because I love him with all of my heart. And no matter what our financial situation may become, I will never leave him, nor even think about it. So, in answer to your question, NO!
No, I didn’t even think about money when I married my husband. And the fact that for half of our marriage we’ve been either jobless or very close to not being able to buy grocries or pay rent, we’ve been happier than most of our married friends even through all of that stress.
To an extent. I wouldn’t marry a man specifically because he had millions of dollars – it’d be because I loved him, and the money would be a plus (hopefully). The man would have to at least be working a decent job that can help make ends meet. I would, of course, take up a profession of my own, so we could live comfortably.
@MrAlmighty - A similar wage to McDonalds, not a similar wage to mine.
Yes, he absolutely needs to be able to fulfill his role as the provider for our family.
call me crazy, but i do think it matters to a certain point. almost everything revolves around money, even the basic necessities of food and shelter. if you were to marry someone and have kids and do who knows what else, the amount of money that you have is a huge factor in that. my mom would always say, “love fades quickly when all the money is gone”. maybe there are exceptions, i’m sure there are people out there that are together regardless. however, a woman should not just look at the future value of a significant other, but also of herself.
of course. i’m not going to marry someone with bad credit. or a criminal background.
I plan on being able to support myself regardless of how much my SO makes. It’s simply the safest way to go about it. One should never depend on another where emotions are involved, period. Even if there are years and years of marriage and companionship involved. Allowing money to skew your perspective of someone is shallow.
No I wouldn’t because I don’t plan on marrying a guy anyway (and couldn’t in my state even if I wanted to).
glad to inspire you dan. and thanks for posting the carmel candy as well. since that would make me more stoked about work too
Yes. I’m sorry but if the guy is broke, wont get a job, wont move forward in life, then I wont even date him.
Well, thinking in terms of myself and my boyfriend, I would say no. I want to go to college and become an interpreter. He, on the other hand, wants a hands-on job. Something like an engineer that he wouldn’t really need college training for. Something that also wouldn’t bring a lot of money rolling in. But, if I’m doing what I love, and I get to come home to someone I love, then really, what more can I ask for? And he deserves to be doing what he loves too, whether it makes a lot of money or not.
No, just as long as he has some career ambition, it doesn’t matter how much he makes. I’m just content as long as he is striving to be productive and be good at his job, whether it’s a high-paying one or not.
I love @OftMisunderstood‘s answer! That’s how I feel about my boyfriend. The amount of money he makes isn’t even a part of my consideration. I just know that I love him and want him in my life, and we complete each other, and we’d do our best to make a living together.
No, I won’t. But I won’t marry anyone who I think wouldn’t be able to keep a decent job down.
A woman considers character and competence when assessing a man’s marriage worthiness. Money is a sign that a man knows what he’s doing. So yes, money is a biggy.
Love is not enough to keep a marriage, or even a relationship together. Money isn’t either though. A lot of people think that having money will make it easier, but everything in moderation. My ex-husband was ridiculously wealthy, and I still hated him. I still divorced him. And I didn’t ask for a cent. I asked for my car and my cell phone. He took everything. Our house, our dishes, or bed, or sheets, everything. And I started back from scratch. And I have made my way since then. My current partner, does not make an ungodly amount of money but he supports himself. I make more than he does but neither of us is bothered by that. We keep separate bank accounts and pay our own bills. On bills we have together (i.e. mortgage, electricity, cellphones) we split down the middle. I like this better. I would rather do it like this than ever have another “sugar daddy” again.
I’m currently in law school working my ass off, and when I graduate, I’d like to believe I’ll be making enough money so that my hard work will all pay off. Therefore, I don’t need my spouse to make a ton of money.
However, it is important to me to have someone who will work hard at whatever it is that he does. I don’t need a millionaire, but I need a motivated hard worker, not a slacker. If he works at a dead end job with no goals or dedication to improve that situation, then it’s not good enough.
I was raised to worry about my fiancées income. I dont want to have to struggle to support my family or have my husband struggle to support us. I plan to have a big family and i dont want to worry about money.
@truthletters - that’s how it should be! amen sister!
At my age to find a sugar daddy he would have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel….but yes I would if I was younger and know what I know now
Wouldn’t make me love him any less if he made bugger all money but I wouldn’t commit to starting a family if both of us weren’t making enough to support one. That’s just common sense, not fair on future children we may have. Doesn’t mean I would leave him over that either, just wait until we could support ourselves and extra mouths, and then commit to starting a family… or getting married, then the family.
I’ll flip it around as a guy; I find myself not marrying right now- because (in part) of money.. rather the lack thereof. Just now breaking into the professional world so I’m starting to think more about marriage as a reality than a “someday”.
no, it shouldn’t determine your relationship with the guy but it isn’t oblivious that the truth is that most women have a subconscious of wanting to marry a man of equal status or higher, and some just want to achieve power and feel superior.
My husband and I married for love, but the timing of our wedding was for lack of money. I lost a roommate and he was about to lose half his income, so we got married six weeks after we got engaged.
I’ve been dumped often enough when the relationship gets to the point where I tell her how big my student loan debts are…
Honestly for me it has more to do with the man working more then the money, men tend to be alot more mellow and even keel when they have a good job, or what they think of as a good job from what i’ve encounted in my life
it’d be nice if he had a good job but it’s not everything
Millionaire or no vag for him!
Yes, in a sense. Not necessarily how much he makes, but stability and security. My first marriage ended because (among many other issues) he couldn’t hold down a job and pay bills…and stole money from my paychecks if I cashed them.
My husband, my son, and myself live off of 25k a year. Easily, with no assistance. Because, my husband works. I sort of work, I watch a little girl daily. I’d be willing to go back to work full time if we needed, but my husband wants me at home with my son (and any potential future kids).
I’ll be working myself to be able to support myself but I do want my potential husband to be able to make more money than me.
Dating would be easier if I wasn’t a broke grad student. Alas, I am a starving academic who will shortly transform into either a starving artist or a starving professor. It seems the more I put in my head the less I find in my wallet.
I won’t go for more than I can handle, but he has to have an equal or higher paying job than I do. Most married couples tend to fight about financial issues. I don’t want that to hold true for my future husband and I.
Money was not in mind. Though I wouldn’t go for a guy who expected to sit on his butt and never do anything…
There’s three things a man needs to care of, that’s his health, his love, and his finances, the closer these things are to equilibrium the better the relationship will be. Couples fight so much about money, or lack thereof.
If I truly love the guy, then I’d just want him to try his best at making a living.
Of course money is a factor in a relationship. Some of the top reasons people break up are lack of sex, money & communication. I’m not saying I want a rich man to take care of me, but both people in a relationship need to make enough to support themselves & help with the share expenses. Mom told me that this is something discussed before marriage, like would we bank on salary & live off one, what to save for, etc. School loans are a big thing too. If you get married with debts, it becomes a shared expensive & I never thought that was fair.
Honestly I don’t care much for money. I have dated people with money and it pissed me off and I’ve dated people without it. I’ve lived poor my whole life so being poor is fine with me. I know how to live from pay check to pay chek. Would I want to do that? No. Would I mind finding love in a guy with money? No as long as I didn’t walk in on him wearing my underwear[long story].
Yes and No.
I married the first time at 21, and undergrad. I married a grad student working on a Ph.D. We were poor as dirt and living in married student housing where we had 2 children. I also then began grad school. We were poorer than poor. Eventually we both finished and went into great employment.
So, I have married with no money, but with the potential for a good income in the near future. We divorced after 20 years.
I married a second time 8 years ago. I would not even consider dating a man with an income of less then $85,000/yr and preferably much more. I don’t have any desire to support someone else. I would like to be with someone making at least as much as I do if not a lot more. I married a man who makes a lot more than I do.
Money is a fact of life.
I don’t think it’s so much about the dollar sign that women are looking for. Women have been more empowered than ever in the last two decades or so to take care of themselves financially. I wouldn’t care how much my boyfriend makes, but I would care about his job security and making a career out of what he’s doing. I’d also want to see him take care of himself financially, so when it comes time to taking care of the both of us, we share equal responsibility for the maintaining of our financial livelihood.
I’m the kind of woman who doesn’t want kids, so I don’t want to have to take care of a grown man.
A bit, because guys always have pride in themselves, way too much in my opinion.
&honestly, if the guy is gonna make less than I do, it’s kind of a put down to me & the guy probably.
But it’s not like i need him to be crazy rich or anything, I just think it’s better for him to make more.
Money definitely isn’t everything though!
money can be a factor but not really for me. i had the chance to marry a trust fund baby. he was worth millions. but he just didn’t get my juices flowing.
the reason why i know is he told me. i think he thought it would make a difference. sheesh. i don’t look like a golddigger. er, right?
Stability and a sense of commitment are more important than income. I don’t care if he’s a building inspector, as long as he does his job with enthusiasm and a strong sense of ethics.
I actually always try to avoid knowing even a ballpark income figure for people — friends and romantic interests alike. In fact became quite distraught over someone telling me how much Little Foot made back at his other company — and how much he walked away with. If we ever got married, I’d totally sign a prenup. Now I know why it’s so important to him, and I suspect I know why he’s a) so private and b) still single. If word ever gets out about what he’s worth, I’m sure it would just attract the riffraff. That depresses me so much.
hey sugar daddy!
Well, DUH. It wouldn’t be the number one decisive factor, and I won’t be try to be blinded by too much money– you can’t buy love with money, only a sense of obligation that might turn into love– but it’ll definitely a factor I consider.
Interesting answers from the young at heart. I wonder if the answers and the situation will be the same 10 years from now…..
Not that I wanted poor, mind you, but someone who made an honest living and could support the family was how I use to think two marriages ago. There is love in my current, committed lifestyle, but there will be no more marriage. And yes, money played a factor on whether or not I would stay in this relationship. I just got lucky and was able to have both.
No, it holds no relevance whatsoever.
I think it helps if all parties are at least in decent standing with minimally sponge-ish connections, just so it feels more genuinely “for the feelings” than for economic reasons. Also seems our opinions on it say a lot about the preconceived notions, power roles and sexism [from both sides (cough doublestandard cough)].
I think I would definitely look at his work ethics. Does he work hard or does he hardly work.
@Sand_notes - You said exactly what I wanted to say.
I’d prefer to have money in my pockets rather than in my mind…
anyway…NO…
nope.
It’s a rather sexist question.
i want the person i spend my life with and have children with to be hard working, determined and able to support a family. that doesn’t mean he has to earn a lot of money. he just has to be dependable, consistent and not lazy. someone who i want my children to learn from.
i wouldnt be naive though, everyone needs to be able to support themselves.
Amount of money he’ll be making in his career? No, wouldn’t consider that. What I would and do consider is their attitude towards the money that they do get – spending (on what, how much), saving (for what, how much), donating, retirement.
I don’t really think about how much money he makes, my bigger concern is whether his idea of work is sitting on his butt collecting EI cheques. I want to be with someone who is motivated and cares about work.
Heck yeah! I married for love and look where it lead me. Next time, I’m marrying for money! =P
While I have never consciously sought out a mate based on his income potential, I would not have considered marrying someone who was unemployed or “poor”. Who wants to set themselves up for that kind of life? That said, I have always been of a mind that I should always be able to financially take care of myself no matter what, so I don’t “depend” on my man to take care of me. Self-sufficiency is something many women lack. I have a friend who finally found her dream guy, and I think he might be slighty off in the head. She checked his W2′s for compatibilty before she would say yes. If I were a man, that would have been a deal breaker for me.
No, I want to marry a poor girl who is madly in love with me, but within the next 4 years before I finish my PhD and get $. It’s not about the money, I will love her with all I have no matter what, but when I get the money she will appreciate it more and be better taken care of. That’s not a sexist remark either, I would say the same thing if I was a woman and pursuing the same career path.
No. I don’t care about money.
Nope
Considering that money arguements are a main contributing factor in divorces, yes, I did marry with money in mind.
i married for love the first time.it got me divorced and living with my parents again. and even though i’m only 20 it still sucks. so love didn’t really work out for me. my second marriage will be for money. lots of money.
I’m in love with the man I’m marrying, not for his paychecks, but for many other reasons that matter far more.
We have enough to pay the bills, and that’s all that we need.
As long as he makes more than minimum wage – otherwise, that is just sad.
Yes and no. I believe that there needs to be similar goals and dreams. Mine include having a certain lifestyle. So yes, him sharing in those dreams mattered. In order to have that lifestyle, a certain amount of money is needed. When we got married, we were doing ok. Neither of us made great money. That wasnt important right that second, but we are working our way towards ultimately having more money.
So what he made when we got married didnt matter. But what we will do together to acquire money DOES matter.
I just look for a guy who can at least support himself as well as I can.
First marriages should always be for love. IF there is a subsequent marriage money definately should enter into it.
I’m going to marry my current boyfriend, but not until he makes enough money to support us. So, it does matter, because we need to be able to live. (I intend to contribute to supporting us too) It’s not about the money, it’s about being realistic. I love the hell out of him, and he feels the same about me, but we both realize getting married when neither one of us is prepared to be financially independent, is stupid. So, we intend to, but we’re not going to go about getting engaged and married until we’re both out of college, with jobs capable of supporting us.
So yes. The amount of money he makes does matter.
Yes, income potential was a factor in my selecting a mate, but only one factor among many. Emotions die when under too much stress, and not having sufficient income for living will kill love. But income alone isn’t enough glue to keep a marriage intact. You need the emotion called love (or even a healthy dose of lust) to get you over the rough spots that every marriage experiences.
I’m not a woman, but I wanted to comment anyways.
I was raised to be extremely independent and so would never expect a guy to support me. However, I would expect him to contribute financially (paying his own way, etc.). I’m in my mid-30s, so if a guy doesn’t have direction and focus, then he’s out of the running. He doesn’t need to make a ton of cash, but it is CRUCIAL that we have similar long and short term financial priorities or it’s never going to work, no matter how much money he makes.
In all honesty, the thought of occupation would cross my mind maybe once if that, but I highly doubt it’d ever be a deciding factor when it comes to marriage o^O
never have i given consideration to the amount of money a future spouse may make. i always had the expectation of being the breadwinner, and that was fine with me.
what if the guy is a doctor or lawyer, or some other “high power” position, but does all his work for charity? in other words, could easily rake in the bills but chooses instead to help the less fortunate, to the exclusion of being wealthy.
@beebizzle - It’s great!! Money is only a part!!!
In some ways, yes, it matters. I work as a teacher and have been looking for a place of my own. (I live with my parents.) I pretty much have to either get roomies, get a 2nd job or live in a shitty area in where I wouldn’t feel safe. My salary sucks big time because things (such as rent, cable at basic, etc) are limiting my searches. I would be living pay check to pay check if I wasn’t careful or completely lived on my own in my ideal apartment. If I was with a guy that could help pay future/any bills if and when we move in together, I would truly be grateful for it. Some girls I know aren’t like that.
But eventually, it would be one of many factors for a relationship, and to make it work. For me, it hasn’t been an issue. But it hasn’t been an issue yet. I guess it’ll be something that I’ll learn from if I get there.
The amount of money a man makes has never been important to me, but ambition and intelligence is… and *in general* (but not always), those things can tend to bring in money. My hubby makes plenty of money to support both of us. I’m proud of him for being so good at his job.
Absolutely – the guy having a decent job and enough money to live comfortably is one of my criteria for a husband. Not to be vain, but money problems are a big deal for married couples, so I just want to use some common sense beforehand.
both people need to have good jobs and make decent money…otherwise there will be arguments about financial hardships…never fun!
@xFgtxRainbowx - exactly!
It matters. Worrying about money matters puts strain on the relationship. I’d rather have that be a non-issue.
If a man genuinely cared about me, I would genuinely care about him back. Not his paycheck.
On the reverse, I don’t think I’d mind if my wife made more or less money than me.
But a problem seems to be with my relationships is that I only like motivated women and women going somewhere tend to have to go somewhere else for their career.
Maybe I should shoot for someone who will make less money.
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why can’t the question be for both sexes? I’m sure people on both sides have opinions :p
I think money and things like that do matter because it’s not like love exists in a bubble. Love is tied to what you know and respect about a person. Like personally, I would probably prefer to date/marry someone who doesn’t have a huge amount of money, but is relatively well off. It’s not the actual money that matters but they’re likely to fit that profile because I like dating people of a similar background with similar goals.
Similar background means they probably had a decent childhood and were able to get an education and a job and all that privileged stuff. Similar goals means they wouldn’t put work and making money as the most important thing in their life. I don’t want to marry someone who is obsessed with making and spending money. But to me, that’s part of what I would love about a person, so it’s not like… they’re entirely different concepts.
If my current relationship doesn’t work out… Money will be about 90% of my deciding factor in my next one.
well a sugar Daddy usally goes after a woman for materialistic reasons anyway.Money should be a factor it’s important to have a stable family which then inturn makes a stable society.For centuries men are and have always been the ‘offcail’ bread winners .Now things are changing and society seems more missed up because theres no responsibilty for obvious men roles and women roles.Ofcourse love is important but money makes the world go round and usually a marriage without love but with money lasts longer because of the security.On the other hand a marriage with love but without money ..hmm well some peope just end up hating each other because of the endless fights ABOUT money!
Well, my beau is like- not exactly rich and he won’t be rich probably ever.
I love him, and I am extremely certain that he is the one, SO- it doesn’t matter how much money he makes. He says he wants to raise a family soon, and he’ll have enough money for that- :]
I can work, so- I pay for what I want, even though he wants to pay for my stuff[: anyways- yeah I don’t care if he’s making minimum wage, as long as he’s happy.
I never have. Now, the work ethic, that’s a different story. When I met Rick, I already had four kids to raise. The last thing I needed was a man who expected me to keep him up too. And I made that clear from day one, to every guy I dated.
There are three things that are critical to a marriage. enough Money, good Sex and lots of Love. Without all of these…you will have a less-than-perfect marriage. Think about it…divorce is the result of:
1. We’re so poor we can’t do anything, go anywhere, buy the things we want, blah blah blah ===> Divorce.
2. You don’t touch me, sleep with me, anymore…blah blah blah. You slept with someone else? ===> Divorce.
3. You don’t bring me flowers anymore, you don’t love me. ===> Divorce.
Nope, i dated a guy who wanted me to move in with him. He was well off.. sending me gifts. He was going to pay for all my bills,students loans. Give me anything I wanted. I think within a year or two he was going to ask me to marry him. I broke it off. It wasnt right. I can’t trade in whats most valuable which is sharing and giving my life to someone i’m deeply connected with. Money means nothing when its a empty feeling being with someone I dont share a deep love with.
My wife has all the money, I got myself a sugar mama and am ok with it.
I’m still too young to seriously consider the people I’m dating in terms of marriage (at least, I think I’m too young seeing as I’m still a teenager for another 2 months, though others my age will disagree with me.) But in my opinion, he needs to have had some schooling past high school. Not necessarily college, but tech school or something needs to happen. I don’t want any children that may come of said marriage to be like “well daddy didn’t go to school so I shouldn’t have to go to school.” Yeah no, that’s not gonna fly. But if he can’t find a decent job (and face it, in this economy that’s a real possibility) or if he’s doing something he enjoys that doesn’t make a ton of money (teaching for instance), then that’s fine. As long as he’s making an attempt to be a productive member of society and not just sitting on his ass making excuses then I’ll be happy. I’m going down a career path where I’ll probably make enough to support a family, so I’m not gonna cry if he makes less than I do.
i think i would consider that whether he would work hard or not for me,and whether he loves me .
Yes, because I would not marry someone who decides he can sit on his ass all day while I go to work and bust my ass all day to support him and his crazy ever changing hobbies.
obviously it’s important that whoever I’m with is able to keep a job so we can pay rent/bills and whatnot, but aside from that, I would not consider how much someone makes to be important at all. if I want more money, what’s stopping me from getting it?
I support myself (and my offspring) and I’m happier because of it than any woman I know whose husband supports her financially. I will never be in a position where I am economically trapped in a marriage, it is poison to all involved.
To a certain extent, and he should be hoping for the same in me. Teamwork.
When I was dating an looking for a man to marry, I didn’t really care about the amount of money he made as long as he had a job that paid the bills (or was pursuing education in a area that would lead to such a job, as was the case in college). Of course I wanted a comfortable life, and expected to contribute to the household income myself, but I needed a guy who could pull his weight too because I want to stay home for at least the first year when I have a child. Of course, I couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love no matter how much money he makes. Money is needed for life’s necessities, but it isn’t everything.
I have never been attracted to a man who doesn’t have ambition and a
high level of intelligence, and that tends to go hand-in-hand with at
least being able to support himself. You need to at least get a feel for
how much money someone has, as it can be used as an indicator of their
personal character. (Some exceptions obviously apply.) Person A may be
penniless and living with his parents-but wait, he’s a college student
making all A’s. Hooray! Person B may be penniless and living with his
parents-but wait, he’s a creep with no ambitions, no car, gambling debt,
and a deadbeat job. Gross.