October 2, 2010
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Friending Your Husband or Wife On Facebook
I was talking to a friend the other day and she mentioned she wouldn’t friend her husband on facebook. She said she needed the Internet to be her little place where she could get away.
But her husband thinks that it is part of marriage to share things and believes she should add him as a friend.
Should the woman add her husband on facebook?
Comments (100)
yes…. it seems like she’s trying to hide something…
holy crap, i’m first! lol
yes
That picture is retarded and this subject is retarded. You really have nothing to do all day but make a new blog every 20 minutes. The quality of your posts is slacking big time.
I agree with the husband :3. I would automatically wonder what she’s hiding on that social networking site. o.O
My boyfriend and I aren’t friends on facebook because I’m crazy jealous. A girl would innocently “like” a post of his or something really minor and I’d get angry. I need boundaries. So I suggested we not be friends.
well, i created a facebook page for my dog.
Heck yes she should.
@j_u_n_ebug - If you don’t like his posts, why are you on his blog? And why are you insulting someone about their method of blogging on their blog at all? Its his blog, you don’t have to read it. Also, if you’re going to insult someone, use proper grammar. o.O
Sorry Dan, I wont start more fights promise ^-^; just a pet peeve.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to add them. If she needs her “space” then so be it.
But personally, I don’t see issue adding any hubbies. lol
I don’t see why she wouldn’t. If facebook constitutes her “alone time”, then I feel bad for her.
That is ridiculous. Just add him! What is the big deal??! I think that she is kinda trying to hide something too.??
Um….
I’ll just say that if I had a husband, I would prefer that we be friended on FB. For good or ill, there is a limit to the amount of privacy that either a husband or wife can reasonably expect.
I’d say yeah, she should friend him.
@avariellefaye - Aren’t you a loyal xanga groupie. Just…. go eat something.
She doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. Married couples don’t need to share every single little thing.
-shrugs- I don’t understand why people make such a huge deal out of Facebook statusi.
@j_u_n_ebug - Grow up.
@j_u_n_ebug - lol!
Yes, just add him. He might be the creeper, who knows?
Unless she has something to hide, there is no reason she shouldn’t feel comfortable adding him. If my hubby had an account, I would add him, but he doesn’t care for social networks where old classmates who refused to socialize with you in high school want to add you for the sake of adding you.
Ofocurse he should have been the first one on her friendlist..Some woemn just strange..
Look at that guys girlie slippers.
@skylar_rose - I was thinking the same thing. Alone time is on the internet? hmmm…
I agree with the husband in this case. Cheating has gone digital now so I would wonder why she wouldnt add him on there. I have nothing to hide. My parents are on my facebook & I let loose. It’s my page & if no one likes what I do/say on there, they dont have to read it.
yuck, facebook. I don’t even know what to say.
@j_u_n_ebug - Groupie and Friend are not synonymous. ^-^;
@RazielV - ♥
Who the hell uses facebook as their “alone time”
I’ve friended my husband on facebook. Why not, we have several friends as well as family in common too. I think it’s silly to not friend a spouse or significant other on facebook. If you want your own place on the internet, start a blog somewhere.
@Shinbi_Belldandy - Same, I have a lot of family on mine and I say whatever I want. Mind you, I’ve had family members complain to my mom, but my mom and I joke about it, and then I tell them straight up, if you don’t like it, then defriend me, or just don’t comment. It’s a freedom of speech.
In this case, I can see both sides. As one person said, they would be jealous if someone so much as ‘liked’ a status. Then again, you should be able to share your every thought and detail with your significant other (unless they are some pyscho who forced you to marry them or some crazy shit), so what is she ultimately trying to hide from him?
Ultimately, I don’t see the big deal. Add him. He’s your husband.
I don’t know about that. I’m more interested in the cartoon, itself, and why these guys are having this discussion in their jammies???
Kathi
uhmm why not??
befriending with spouse should be a pride thing; show off your marriage by saying; “hey that is my S.O! We are married! Awesome, yea?”
if refusing to add, it sounds like a shame. or like some think; she is hiding. if need spaces, that is what girlfriend nights are for!
What’s Facebook?
Yes. Otherwise it looks fishy.
@contrarians - LOL Cute! ^^
I can see it from both sides, I guess. My husband seems to think we absolutely need to share every detail of every moment of our lives. After 6 years together, I do think I would benefit from some personal space… even if it were virtual. Oh, wait, that’s why I’m on Xanga…. Because he isn’t.
@MistakenDreamer - OMG!! That annoys me to no end. The only time that happened though was when my older sister said something to my mom & she got “pissed” with me. I’m like, whatever I’m grown & I put that on facebook too. LOL. But when my sister complained about her job on facebook & joked about needing bail money, that was the most hilarious shit EVER….not. Obvious bias on my mom’s part.
I dont see why the husband would be jealous though. Playing devil’s advocate here, if he wants to see what his wife is doing because he’s insecure & get jealous easily then that’s an issue. I do believe even married people have privacy in things but facebook is something I would be extra wary about nowadays.
Jeff and I are friends on face book, face book is where my kids and I stay in touch and if he ever decided to blog here I would friend him here too
I’m still waiting for Putin. I’m going to try to find him, but I dont’ want to befriend Nashi. He doesn’t like to send e-mails but is embedded so much in the mafia that he doesn’t have to use the internet as a giant shield.
He’s going to be my friend on xanga.
yes.
she has fb guy friends that she doesn’t want her husband to know about.
Facebook is kinda as public as you can get…why would one use it as their alone time? O_O
If it were a blog, I think I might understand, because sometimes people need a separate space to let their thoughts run without the fear of someone they know judging them.
But it’s facebook, everyone and their mom is on it, add your freaking spouse! Anything shady you do on it will be seen by someone who will tell their dad who will tell his friend who will tell his wife who will tell her daughter who will tell another friend who will eventually tell your husband.
I’m not saying that the person in question has something to hide on facebook per se, but if you are honestly that much in need of alone time, invest in going to the library to read, the gym or meet up with your friends on a more regular basis.
that bitch is up to something! it’s not like facebook is a blogging site, that would make more sense… but, it’s facebook… what is she trying to hide from her husband that she has no problem sharing with her friends. weird. my boyfriend doesnt care for social networking sites, never has, but since i use his phone to access my facebook from time to time, he could very easily check mine out if he wants. but he rarely does. only time he gets on is to send a message to a friend of his that is also a friend of mine on facebook or something. i have nothing to hide so it’s no biggie.
I have my bf on my facebook..what does it matter?
Absolutely! That’s a sketchy situation.
@seedsower - lmao Beth….I was more intrigued with that card too….
i think that she should. my ex wouldn’t list me as his gf and most of the relationship he was “single”. just to find out he listed his new gf on there! before we were broken up. i think that if she won’t friend him at all that she is hiding something and that is not good for marriages
If she needs private internet space away from him then she should get a Xanga! Facebook is for friends that you know IRL and I would hope that her husband is her friend. I have my ex husband and a couple ex boyfriends on mine and if my current boyfriend ever got a facebook I would add him in a heartbeat.
add him on an alt account. problem solved.
but really, i dont see why it’d be a big deal. does she flirt with her guy friends on facebook or something?
Nope. Sounds to me like the husband may have some control issues and she needs a safe place to vent.
That’s stupid. So your “friend” who you haven’t talked to since high school can see all your online escapades in FarmVille but your soulmate cannot?
I think every couple has there own dynamic and they have to work things like this out for themselves. What works for us may not work so well for another couple.
I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to add an SO on facebook. But if the situation were to arise for me, it would be a trust issue. Anything I communicate can be communicated in front of my (notional) SO and vice versa. If she doesn’t want me seeing her page, it can only mean that she has something to hide. The fact that it’s facebook is unimportant; it’s inappropriate for her to talk about me behind my back or flirt with other people or whatever else regardless of the place. This could be a big issue for me.
Why not?
Reading is the time when I get away from my hubby. Lol. Bc it does take me to another world.
With my trust/ jealousy issues, id flip out if my guy didnt 1. Friend me on a stupid social network and 2. didnt have his relationship status WITH my name next to it visible.
To me, it would show he was either hiding something from me, or trying to hide the fact that he was in a relationship from others.
@seriously_meredith - That is a very good point.
Is she hiding something?
He should make a fake account with a profile pic of some unpopular male celebrity someone she wouldn’t quite know about but would see as attractive and start flirting with her to see how she responds. Do it for a while, see if they can rendezvous then bust her!
@skylar_rose - exactly.
Yes of course. I don’t think they need to communicate on facebook though, just at least have each other listed.
@avariellefaye - I’m so glad someone else noticed that bad grammar!
I think she she should add him. Well, unless she’s hiding something; in which case he should divorce her ;D.
Yes! She’s hiding something.
@j_u_n_ebug - There are more eloquent ways of expressing your opinion….Every post is a question. Most people like giving their opinion, and are delighted when somebody seems to care enough to ask. Of course, for someone such as yourself that finds it painful to think before making a comment, I can understand how his posting habits would cause you grief.
I have mixed opinions on this one….for example, if I was to try and stage a surprise party, the easiest way for me to contact all of my friends is Facebook. XD what am I supposed to do, delete him and then add him back? That’s suspicious.
Or, there are times where people like to vent in their status. Do you really want to say something like “Having trouble, fighting with hubby today” and have him see it and have that deepen the conflict? [Personally, I think it's stupid to post that kind of personal information on Facebook but people do it.]
All in all I think I would add my husband, but I can see how there would be a few minor snags or disadvantages. None of them seem heavy enough to validate her standing, though.
facebook is weird. I have no use for it. Second thought, I’d friend him if he uses facebook only to see if he is cheating, lol. (or to stalk after a breakup heh heh heh…)
if they have to fight over something so stupid, their relationship isn’t going to last.
sounds shady…slim shady…
i don’t see why she wouldn’t add him. the internet is her “place to escape”…ok, so go play video games. it’s not your place to have a separate life from your real life, unless you’re a loser or a teenager.
If you and your spouse have a trustful, loving relationship, it shouldn’t be a problem. Just set your profile to ”Married to”… so and so should be okay to (hopefully) keep the flirtatious comments on your drunken friends to a minimum. As for parents, absolutely not.
yes why is she being so immature? if you want privacy, a social networking site on the internet isn’t a good place to find it, just sayin.
Facebook for “alone time?” That smells of trouble to me. Now if it were a blog or something like that – then I guess I could understand a bit more – but I feel a marriage should be something where you feel safe sharing everything about yourself. If you need “alone time” then read a book by yourself, take a soak in the hot tub/bath tub, go out with girl friends, see a movie, go out for dessert…but Facebook? Sounds like a lame excuse to hide some shady activities IMHO.
I do think couples should give each other space to do their own thing. But insisting that the other person absolutely can’t enter that space ever does sound dangerous.
yes, she should! Nothing should be hidden (:
I would friend him. What is so important that you would post it to facebook and not share it with your husband? Seriously?
Facebook I would not mind if my husband and I were friends. But it sometimes in my blog when I am frustrated and angry with him that permits me to throw words rather than dishes. I think Xanga has saved us from a good fight before and will probably do so again…but facebook? I go there once a week if then. I don’t like it but sometimes I find something that one of the family posts that it is handy to know….like an upcoming family barbecue. If he wants to be my friend on facebook…jump all over it. Otherwise I e-mail him the posts I want him to read on Xanga.
Of course. You shouldn’t have anything to hide… they’re your SO!
Yes, she should friend him.
That doesn’t sound healthy at all.
The Internet for privacy? yeah, right.
Yes. Seems she might be hiding something.
@seedsower - It’s not just the slippers. It’s the shorts and the thin, shaved legs.
I think she should add him..because if the shoe was on the other foot, she would be pissed if he wouldn’t add her if she wanted him to. I can understand not having each other’s passwords, but to not be friends that is an eyebrow raiser. what does she have on there or who is she communicating with, that she doesnt want him to see?. i wouldnt have gotten away with saying No to my fiance’, saying we can’t be friends of facebook because of privacy. What privacy, when you are married?? what kind of alone time will she need on facebook? she cant be chatting with women all day being that secretive..idk just a thought!
LOL @ picture
yes. it is suspicious that she doesn’t want to.
I did add my husband on facebook & so did he.
I mean what’s the big deal? 0.0 I still have my own space with my ‘weird’-atheist friends,and he has his own space with his Jesus fanclub friends.He’s aware that I blog and manage this online store of mine and he likes what I write. well, maybe Im just lucky lol
if they choose to
@contrarians - i created one for my cat!
she’s clearly hiding something, if she wasn’t then she’d be quite happy to accept him
I have my SO’s mom on facebook, because he thinks facebook is lame.
facebook is not the place to expect privacy – especially from your spouse. i’m sure they have ‘mutual’ friends, whether she adds him or not. that just seems silly and definitely like she is trying to hide something
My spouse and I are friends. In fact, know each other’s passwords to blogs, e-mails, and networks. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think she should…and I don’t think the internet should be a place for anyone to “get away”. Who knows what kind of things she’s doing or looking.
i’m siding with the husband.
What is she trying to hide?
me and my husband were not friends on facebook the entire time we were dating and engaged. kinda lame I think the whole bf gf on fb because what happens if it doesn’t work out. my business is my business. his business is his. we trust one another.
everyone else thought it was weird! hahaha. we didn’t friend each other and then list our marriage until we were actually married.
I had a friend who refused to add her husband as a friend on Facebook. She was having an affair and didn’t want him to know who she was talking to.
Yes, she should! If you don’t accept your SO’s request whats the point of being together? It’s like they have something to hide then — either you from the world, or the world from you. And I agree with avariellefaye about @j_u_n_ebug… whats the point in telling someone they are boring to you and you notice that they post every 20 mins?? Dont YOU got something better to do?? guess not. haha..
Sounds to me like there is a bigger problem somewhere!! I wouldnt be worried about facebook, as much as I would about everything else that is wrong…
She is probably hiding something, or she likes to talk about him. I am married, and I have found myself in love with another person. I told my husband, because we do share everything. Even though I am not in love with him anymore I deeply respect him. (I told him so we could go our separate ways instead of going behind his back and cheating on him like so many people do.) I have a xanga that he nor my real life friends know about to have a place to vent and write. Even though he knows I’m in love with someone else if he were to find it, it would hurt his feelings.
Since we are going through these things I would rather spare his feelings than to tell him about it. If this woman is in fact doing things behind her husband’s back, and she is sharing that with her friends/his friends, then she may not respect him very much. If she is not doing anything wrong, hopefully she will gain some awareness, b/c what she is doing looks very shady.
Who knows? Maybe she’s planning a surprise part for him, and will add him when it’s all over and done with!!!!
I see nothing wrong with this. It’s just facebook and maybe it i her place to escape and gossip with the friends. Or maybe he’s ultra sensitive with all her friends. Nothing wrong with that.
Yes. Her not adding him just makes it look like she’s trying to hide stuff from him. I’m sure it also makes other people think she’s hiding things from him. It looks suspicious for a wife to not have her husband on her page… (of course it goes both ways) I have my boyfriend on mine…and in my relationship status thing, it says I’m dating him. I can’t imagine refusing to add him. It’s rude, and just makes you look bad.
@TheGildedCage - I’m with you 100% if you want something private start a blog somewhere anonymously.
The problem is that you provide may be worth our time and also effort.
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