No that is wrong. Anyone who just does that for no reason deserves to be hated by their kids forever and put in a nursing home. And not a good nursing home either. One where they steal your medication and eat your apple sauce.

I occasionally ask my daughter to let me see her FaceBook page. Just like I used to ask to see her MySpace page. She’ll sit next to me while I look at it and actually explain some of the silliness that takes place on it. Do I trust her? Absolutely. She’s a sixteen year kid with an incredibly good head on her shoulders. Does that mean I shouldn’t check now and then to see who she’s friends with and how they interact with her? Heck no! I generally trust her judgment there, but we have disagreed in at least two instances over who was an appropriate friend. It’s my job as her mother to keep her safe. That means I look. It doesn’t mean that I read every single thing on her page word for word or spend all night perusing her private messages. I skim. I look at subject headings sometimes. Most of the time, my kid has already told me anything that I’d see in her messages anyway.

Should you sneak and do it? Heck no! Build a relationship with your kid and let them know what you’re doing and why. Do it in front of them and ask for their participation. Let them know that you’re not trying to dig up dirt on them or find a reason to be mad at them. Respect their privacy as much as you can. And don’t witch hunt or hold what you see against them. Heck, it’s not up for discussion unless she volunteers it, in our house.

Nope. I don’t even do that when my husband leaves his up on his laptop. I would write something witty and possibly embarassing on my son’s Facebook status though hahaha!

My daughter is 21 and I make it perfectly clear to her that the words private and computer don’t go together in this house. My position is one not only of authority in my house, but of responsibility. No one comes into my house without my approval, whether it be through the door, the windows, or Windows XP.

If you know the person they have been talking to is bad news and can cause harm to your child then yes,it’s no different than running into a burning house to grab them and pull them out. A 13 year old has know clue of the dangers on the internet and they are VERY impressionable. You have to ask questions and pay attention to their LIFE though to know if there is danger they are dealing with on the internet though. Throw privacy out the window if it means protecting your child.Teenagers and younger on here,you may disagree,but what if you had a child that was doing what you were doing,you have to ask yourself the question. If I wouldn’t want my child doing what I’m doing,why am I doing it?

No, thankfully my sons don’t need that kind of checking up on. They have good judgement and have earned the right to be trusted.

@OhMissKett - lmao! if my mother ever did that I wouldn’t even be mad, I would laugh. 

Yes. I would look because there are lot of evil people in the world, even if he is a trustworthy child. I wouldn’t let him know I looked unless there was serious concern.
It’s not the same as reading a child’s diary. Personal privacy is a good thing but facebook is not neccessarily safe for a tween or child. You know, I don’t even think my thirteen year old would have their own page and if they did, I would need to know their password. When they got older it would be a different story…more freedom and privileges as he matures.

If my mother checked my messages, I’d be doomed. Well, not really, most of them are just sorting out my mate’s ‘relationship’ problems (but honestly I don’t know anything), but further down on the messages, if my father read them, he’d kick me out. I’d go happily anyway, if he couldn’t accept me I wouldn’t mind going, when I have great friends around me.

I never close facebook without logging off, but if they did check my messages, I’d be pretty annoyed.

@Automaton_Emotion - I told my daughter that she could have a Facebook page only if she let me be “friends” with her. So I had to go on facebook . I go months sometimes without logging on, but sometimes I browse. It’s like the old fashioned parenting when kids always had a chaperone along. Just so they know you’re looking out for them. PLUS kids need to know that anything they say on facebook is not private! It’s not like writing in a diary. It might be read be a prospective employer (or voter). If you put in on the web, it’s public. My daughter knows I trust her. So I give her space. She also knows I care enough to pay attention to who she’s talking to, etc. 

I retain the kids’ passwords, period. I won’t be sneaking around, but yes, I do and will continue to monitor what they’re up to.

My kids leave their Facebook accounts open all the time, and no, I never check their messages. It’s an invasion of privacy and if I’m worried about them I’ll talk to them about my concerns, not snoop in their stuff.

When I was at that age til I was 19 (before I moved out to university), my mom would snoop around my room. I never caught her doing it, but I just know. I hated it back then. I hated my mom for not trusting me – and it’s simply because I had something to hide.

Now that I’m in my 30s, I now know why she did it, and I appreciate her more to know she was looking out for me even though I hated what she did when I was younger. She is probably one of my bestest friend now. I can tell her anything – even what I was hiding back then.
I wasn’t going down the right path then, but now…. it’s like this, if i have nothing to hide, then there is really nothing to hide. My room is open to anybody to snoop around ’cause I have nothing to hide. I’d rather have their trust than not have their trust at all even if it means them doing something showing they don’t trust me (which if you think deep enough, I probably lost their trust somewhere and it needs to be earned back). 
Your son is 13 and he is living under your roof. He is under your complete responsibility. If for him to become a happy young man with a wonderful future, then do whatever it takes to get that. But once you know you can trust him, then be relieved that you are raising a wonderful child.

@mangotini - Excuse me for being blunt, but what concern is that of yours? My reason for commenting here isn’t to account for the affairs of my house. It’s to speak a little common sense. The only thing every parent can trust their kids to do is be kids. Kids are not adults, their brains are not fully mature, their intellects are not fully mature, they’re idealistic, naive, and adventurous at times. That leads to bad decisions. Add a pervert or bad influence to that mix and kids get hurt.

I like how I read some comments about 13 year olds not even being able to get into much trouble. I’m 14, and you wouldn’t believe half the shit my grade does…

I wouldn’t be concerned about going through his stuff if he left it open.  Before he would even be allowed to have one, we would have the agreement that he is to let me on there to check out who he talking to and adding whenever I ask him.  Just b/c kids have to the tendency to add people to there fb that they don’t know.  Or better yet, he would be on on my fb friends list, with an understanding that he is not to use the privacy settings to hide his friends or status msgs from me. 

If he doesn’t have anything to hide, then it won’t be a big deal.   

@mangotini - Consider this friend: If my children felt they had to keep certain things from me, wouldn’t that imply that they didn’t trust me enough to be perfectly open with me? My children have no reason not to trust me. I’m not invading their privacy, because they have no right to privacy in my house with regard to social interaction. There is not one thing that happens in my house that I am not entitled to know about. I exercise my parental authority. That’s not the reason I stay on top of things though, it isn’t about power. It’s an act of love.

Which line of communication is more open friend, one in which I am aware only of what my children choose to tell me, or one in which I am aware of everything they do, every decision they make, and everyone they talk to? Which is more useful in protecting them before something goes wrong? Listen to the wisdom of the world, and I’m a tyrant who doesn’t trust his kids. Listen to my kids and I’m a father who loves them, and whom they trust beyond anything those other “parents” will ever experience. My kids don’t feel it’s necessary to hide anything because they aren’t doing anything that needs to be hidden.

For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God. (John 3:20-21)

You see, I understand why the world demands privacy for children. It’s because the world knows that if parents know who and what and why and where and how about everything their kids do, it ain’t gonna get to have its way with them. Some parents just can’t be bothered with their own kids’ lives it would seem. They’re the ones who have no foundation to stand on, whose views change to accomodate their childrens’ failings, failings they could have prevented but didn’t care enough to, who please the world and betray their children, who see their nightmares come true as their kids grow into adults (if they give two beans about ‘em in the first place).

I’m into protecting my children, not reacting to the injuries they suffer because I’m more worried about what the world thinks about me or the way I run my house than I am about their well being. My children have always had their expectations regarding privacy met. If you don’t want me to know about it, don’t do it. If you’d be ashamed of something when I find out about it, it surely will be shameful when someone else does. No one is more proud of their kids than I am

My daughter keeps a diary. I don’t read it. No harm can come to her simply by writing to herself. Even so, a diary is not sacred. My daughter’s life is sacred. My daughter’s mind is sacred. My daughters soul and spirit are sacred. That diary can be left out in the rain or burned to ashes and nothing is lost. It doesn’t work that way with a child’s mind, heart, body, soul or spirit.

It never ceases to amaze me how the very same people who run around gushing about how precious their children are turn around and leave their treasure out for every pig, pervert and malefactor to spoil, steal or destroy. And that’s what “trusting” your kids amounts to, because you’re trusting them to do things they aren’t capable of yet, like make good decisions, discern when someone is trying to take advantage of them, or lure them into something shady. Only a fool would trust a kid beyond their capabilities. It’s no smarter than letting a 5 year old drive a car. I can trust them not to hit anyone on purpose, but…

The fact is that it isn’t about trust at all. That seems to be what people are missing. I trust my kids 100%. I don’t trust the other guy. Pick the most dangerous neighborhood you know of. Would you let your kids wander around there unattended? Probably not. Does that mean you don’t trust them? Of course not! The internet brings people from that neighborhood and every bad neighborhood in the world within reaching distance of my kids, and I’m the guy with the shotgun on the porch, keeping the bad guys out. Okay, it’s an AK-47

Psych, huh? My educational background is grounded in cognition and psychopathology. Thanks for the tip

Thanks for the conversation, too. Your response is welcome if you’re so inclined. Peace to you

@heartintheclouds_quotes - You said “forced.” That’s a no-no. I ask. She does have the option of saying no. She knows, though, that she’s not going to get any consequences out of anything I see. But that would be the point of skimming through stuff – to identify those “friends” of hers who aren’t entirely appropriate. As I said, she and I have disagreed on a couple already. When there’s a 36 year old man honestly flirting with her on FaceBook, I’m glad I do skim her page now and then. Besides, I can see most of it, anyway. Her dad and I are friends of hers on both of those sites by her choice.

Why is it fun to do things you feel you couldn’t do in front of your parents? Maybe we’re more permissive than most parents in a lot of regards, but there is very little that my daughter and her friends don’t feel comfortable discussing or doing in front of us. She’s not going to be drinking or getting high or having sex in front of us anytime soon (or at all, really) or anything, but there honestly shouldn’t be anything a kid should feel they couldn’t take to their mom and dad. Our job as parents is to guide you into becoming intelligent, capable, independent adults who can contribute to society. We make mistakes. We made ‘em when we were growing up and we make them now. So there is no mistake or action that you could make that your parents shouldn’t be able to understand. No matter what, my kid is my kid is my kid. As long as she’s healthy and safe and happy, then she’s got my support all the way. Regardless of whether I agree with her or what she’s done, I love her. Period.

Sometimes, I think parents forget what it was like as a kid. That, or they get caught up in doing all of those things people think parents are supposed to do and forget the real purpose of raising a kid. Good luck with your moms, kiddo.

@grannyinboxers - Now THAT’S what I call a good granny! Peace, friend

probably yes… but if i found something i’d be sure not to mention i found it on his facebook. you have to be sneaky about it. don’t let them know that you are prying into their stuff.

@Just_For_Shits_And_Giggles - Thank you so much! I needed that today. So glad I checked back before the nightly beatings lol. Peace

No, because my dad has done something similar to me, found something embarrassing, and now I’m very paranoid about my belongings and my personal privacy. I still do things I shouldn’t do, I just make sure he won’t catch me.