November 22, 2010
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Who Would You Rather Be Raped By?
About 3-4 years ago I wrote a post where I asked the question “Would you rather be raped by an close acquaintance or a stranger?”
A bunch of people were angry at the time and there were a few people saying they were unsubscribing because I asked the question.
I never had the opportunity to explain so I wanted to give the backdrop for the question. I had just talked to a woman and she was raped by her father years earlier. She was just talking and she mentioned she would have rather been raped by a complete stranger than her dad. She said it was painful because she always had to look at her dad.
Would you rather be raped by a close acquaintance or a stranger?
Comments (132)
Stranger.
definitely a stranger
stranger.
A stranger, because with a stranger it’s SLIGHTLY easier not to blame yourself. With a close acquaintance, not only do you have to see them every day, but they are likely to constantly tell you it was your fault. Plus there’s the whole betrayal aspect.
A stranger. I can’t imagine ever looking my best friend or father or whoever in the face again.
Stranger for sure. I don’t love and trust a stranger. And most likely I’ll never see the stranger again, outside of possibly in court.
First post!
A stranger.
jerk! what an insensitive question! (unsubscribes)
Wow. I must be one of the first people to say I’d rather be raped by someone I know…
but then again… I have personal reasons…
I think a stranger. Because if it was a close acquaintance, I think I would be hurt not only by the act itself but also by the betrayal. I’m sure some people would have the instinct to say “a close acquaintance,” thinking that the person would be more gentle, but if it’s rape it would be a pretty awful experience one way or the other. I haven’t been raped, and I’d much rather not be raped by anyone. But if it was someone I didn’t know, and then they left, I could go ahead and hate them or pity them or whatever without having any good memories or previous (false) impressions of friendship to confuse the issue.
If I had to choose *shudder*, then I’d say a stranger. If it was someone I trusted, I think it would hurt more. If it’s a stranger, I go to the hospital, get medication, and will probably never see them again. if I was raped by a friend, I wouldn’t be able to have them as a friend or trust them again, and the extra emotional damage added onto the emotional damage of being raped in the first place seems a lot worse.
its a tough one. a stranger might have zero remorse and kill you when done. someone close to you may let you live. idk though, this isn’t something i can answer.
Probably a stranger. I don’t know what I’d do if I was related to them.
my friend and i agree that we’d rather be raped by someone we know personally. it means there’d be a better chance of being able to press charges and make sure they get put away, you’ll never see a stranger again. and if it’s a close acquaintance you can know whether or not there’s a good chance of disease and if you accidentally get pregnant you’ll know who the father is, and not just some stranger.
Stranger.
A stranger. I wasn’t necessarily raped, but I was in a very screwed up situation when I was 17 years old. He was a good friend of my brothers, worked for my dad, and was living with my family. There have been times when my parents bring him up in conversation. He still comes over to my parents house every so often.. it’s very awkward and hard for me to deal with.
They even asked me if I invited him to my wedding!
having been raped by a “friend,” i can tell you with 100% certainty that i wish i had been raped by a stranger. there’s nothing worse of the violation of your body by someone you trusted and that stays with you forever. i have serious trust issues, and i don’t know if they will ever go away….
I’m going to say neither. Rape is rape, regardless of who commits it.
I think it’d be scarier if it was a stranger just because I don’t know their intentions, and they’d probably be a lot more open to hurting me to a greater extent than someone I know would be.
However, it’d hurt so much more if it was someone I knew.
i can’t really fathom either. but i’d probably commit homocide/suicide afterward either way.
Someone I know. Then they could hook me up with a job working for the TSA…
If I had to choose,
neither.
But it is easier to forgive someone that is close to you.
It’s impossible to forgive someone you do not know, have never seen, and will never see again.
My ex raped me, and it hurt even though he abused me previously.
It hurt because he was supposed to protect me,
and he did it out of pure hate, just to hurt me.
That’s what hurt the most.
I’ve been raped by both.
The stranger.. It’s hard to deal with because I’ll never know why he did it, why he chose me. I didn’t know whether I’d live or die.
The acquaintance.. Hard to deal with because he betrayed me, betrayed my trust.
Emotionally, the pain is equal.. But for each, it’s a different pain. So I couldn’t tell you what I would rather go through.
strange…i would think that with such an odd question, it would be obvius that there was a scenario or meaning behind it.
stranger… I wouldn’t have to feel as if an emotional attachment was severed so hard. Being raped by someoneyou trust is leaves me in denial, and it’s harder to admit always. Eats away at your brain… not that being raped by a stanger is easier (I have no idea, I”ve never been raped by a stranger)
What a sad story, about the girl and he father
Rape is rape, but I would rather a stranger for that reason……
Stranger. Because while I’m sure that is horrifying in itself, I’d think that being raped by someone you know and probably trust would be worse because it’s betrayal and you may have to see them again later, if they’re a fixture in your life, like a family member.
My ex husband did it over and over for years. I don’t think it matters who it is. It’s a terrible experience regardless.
WoW….thats a tough one. I guess I would have to say a stranger. If it was someone close to you, that you love….like your own dad, would you really want to hurt him. Even though he’s hurting you.
I would have to say a stranger. Being betrayed like that by somone that you trust completely and is supposed to be your protector, i think, would def cause a lot more mental damage (NOT SAYING THAT PEOPLE RAPED BY STRANGERS ARE ANY LESS A VICTIM) but to have it be someone you know….no way!!!!
@M00nDoll - i’m with you on this one…
Not this topic again.
I ganther the woman you were talking to is perfectly in line w/ most. I’d rather be raped by a stranger as well.
Shakira.
a stranger
to be raped by someone close to you is horrible. I don’t think I would trust anyone for a long time.
Well….if the close acquaintance wasn’t a family member but that is asking for too much but then a stranger could be full of disease. It’s a lose/lose situation.
stranger, I wouldn’t want to see that person ever again, I can’t explain it, but there is this intense panic..? when you see the person(or someone who could be their twin) who raped you.
Am I the first, seriously, to say I would rather NOT BE RAPED AT ALL?
That’s pretty whack. Rape, where defined as forced sexual intercourse, is traumatic no matter who does it. It may not result in the exact same flavor of trauma, but it’s still pretty devastating.
Stranger.
Either way, I’ll slit their throats and rape the wound with a broom handle.
I’d rather not be raped, lol kthanx.
@ShimmerBodyCream - LOL. Great answer.
I’d rather not be raped at all thanks(:
Stranger. Hands down.
But most women are raped by people they know. =/
I would prefer neither, but at least if it was a stranger, there wouldn’t be either an acquaintance that you’d be likely to run into again, or the emotional attachement/revulsion that comes from it being someone you know or are close to. Being betrayed by a “friend” or loved one would be so much more difficult to deal with, I’d imagine. Either would be horrible.
Someone I knew because then I would know where he was when I went after him with my 357.
My mother was raped by her older sister’s husband (I REFUSE to call that bastard my uncle!) at the age of 15. She gave birth to my sister at the age of 16 as a result of that attack. He told my mom not to tell anyone because no one would believe her anyway. The sick sad part of it all is that my grandparents called him to the house after my mom admitted what happened. He lied and insisted my mom was lying. My grandparents told my mom to keep her mouth shut so she wouldn’t ruin my aunt’s marriage. My mom has spent her entire life feeling like her whole family turned against her for telling the truth. My sister knows who her father is and spent her entire life waiting for him to confess what he did. Especially since our cousin Tim (my sister’s half brother) could pass for my sister’s twin. They both look like their father. My mom spent the rest of her life as the black sheep in the family because no one believed her. Tim admitts that he believe’s his dad raped my mother. He is the only one of my cousin’s who will openly admitt it. My aunt’s husband also attempted to attack another one of my aunts AND my grandma’s sister. He was unsuccessful in these attempts. Regardless of their tales of his attempts, mom’s other family members STILL refused to admitt she wasn’t lying or acknowledge my sister as his child.
Im sure that if anyone were to ask my mom her opinion on this question, she would say that she wished it had been a stranger. At least a stranger wouldnt be able to look her in the eyes and gloat in front of our entire family about how he got away with what he did without ever even saying a word.
Mom still has nightmares. She has struck my father and has even attacked me in her sleep numerous times while trying to fight off the man in her nightmares…. sometimes she wakes up crying and begging for him to leave her alone. Im sad to say that I am sure it will always haunt her. She is now 54 years old.
Toough one…
A stranger, most definately, because then there will not be the feeling of betrayal.
I have personal experience. I was raped by my step brother [[no ex step brother]] alot when i was little and i would say if ever given the choice i would opt out for the stranger.
i meant now not no
Was there nothing in the news you could have cut’n'pasted about?
I was one of the angry ones but didn’t unsubscribe. One thing about being raped by someone you know is the wonderful feeling you get when you see them laying in their casket. Yeah, I know that’s mean, but I still smile every time I visualize it and remember the good feeling it gave me to know he couldn’t hurt a little kid ever again.
I would never be raped. So yeah. If I had to choose though I would say like a chick that I know and wasn’t related to would be the better rapist for me. :/
Honesty, while I understand the whole betrayal part and having to see their face everyday, I’d probably feel more comfortable if it was someone I know. At least that way I KNOW the person, and I wont have to worry, not only just about my health, but about the anonymity behind it. It’s a lot less stressful to worry about a couple family members then the whole world.
Is there really any way to fairly answer this question when you haven’t been raped?
STRANGER.
Someone I know. I could catch them, blame them and know if I had AIDS or an STD or something like that. I would be able to put it to rest. Sure, it would cause a lot of tension and family problems, but I would rather know who it is so I could catch them.
This question gives me the creeps. And yet it is hardly the creepiest thing I’ve read here, so I won’t unsubscribe or anything.
I guess a stranger, because being raped by someone you know causes all kinds trust issues.
hmm probably a stranger. but then you never know if the stranger had stds or was absolutely disgusting… but then again if your ‘close acquaintance’ raped you they are repulsive as well.
Having been abused by an acquaintance and a stranger at different points in my life… I think the acquaintance was harder to deal with. Then again, I was younger with him, so that could be a factor. He was the older brother of a friend & classmate of mine, and I looked up to him as well as trusted him. Having to see him & hear reference to him (I went to a small K-12 school at the time), and to occasionally even have him in my house again (my younger brother is friends with another of his siblings) was incredibly difficult, and still is, to a smaller degree. The event was pretty much the starting point for a lot of very self-destructive behavior that I am still dealing with the consequences of today. He’s completed college, gotten married, seems to have a fairly happy life, and I’m just finally (now almost a decade later) starting to get my life pointed in a positive direction. That’s frustrating.
By the time the stranger came along about a year ago, well… that was my own fault. I was old enough to know better than to put myself in that situation.
How about not raped at all.
I think if it were a person I trusted, it would tear me apart much more emotionally than if it were a stranger, even though both are horrible to think about. A stranger would be harder to convict, and could get away with it, whereas a person I knew would be more likely to be caught and punished.
I was molested by my cousin when I was younger, and every time we visit, it’s hell. I’d rather have a stranger, and then never have to see him again.
Obviously I’d rather it be by no one. But if it were a stranger, I wouldn’t be as crushed if it were by someone I knew, trusted and loved. Of course I would be upset if it happened at all, but it would be 100x harder to deal with and get over if it were by a family member.
I don’t care. i have no emotions attached to anything. it would annoy me then I go about annihilation.
Probably a stranger. I think it would be much more difficult emotionally if it was an acquaintance. Although if it was someone you know, it’d be much easier to track the bastard down and press charges…
Complete stranger, for sure. If it was a family member, it would be so hard to ever be around them ever again, let alone explain the dilemma to the rest of your family. If it was a close friend, it’s a lot easier to cut ties from them or the people involved, I think. Regardless, it would still be very tragic. For the people that unsubscribed— there is nothing wrong with asking a simple question for research/common knowledge.
Stranger.
Not a close family member, but by a someone I don’t know and had never met before, like Brat Pitt, or Bruce Willis, George Clooney, or …well you get it.
Dan this is not a laughing matter. I apology for adding (truthful humor) to a serious issue. But actually, I would never want to be raped by anyone. I have been raped. And I don’t even remember his name. In fact I never knew it. I think that’s a good thing.
Neither!
But I guess you mean in a realm where it cannot be avoided. In that unfortunate case, a stranger would be better. I think it would be awful to have to experience that through a trusted friend or family member. Neither way is easier, though. It’s as equally disturbing whether I know the person well or not.
@TrueBritt - This happened to me as well. I completely agree with your statement. It’s so hard to trust people because this has happened.
I still stand by the fact, that this is completely moronic question… people would rather be..oh i dont know…NOT RAPED….of course if the whole raping was inevitable….people would rather be raped by a stranger….its a fact….and obvious fact. and if you have to ask obviously you aren’t that bright….i mean think about it….of course people would rather be raped by a complete stranger because they wouldn’t have to risk bumping into them…or living with them for the rest of your life….staring into the eyes of a monster…someone who betrayed your trust….this is frankly an insensitive question…have you been raped? i doubt it…because if you had…you would never have posted this. i encourage everyone to unsubscribe to your page….because this is terrible. and to be frank…your a dumbass.
I’ve been raped by somebody I knew, forced by a group of my “friends” to let him perform on me. It was horrible the shame I felt later when I saw these people. Given that, I think a stranger would have been easier, but I do not know for sure since I’ve not had that happen.
I guess it also depends on whom; raped by a “friend” versus family… would rather a “friend” any day or stranger than family. *shudders*
@CaseFace328 - I disagree with you. I feel her question is not offensive and is valid. I’ve been raped and this question does not bother me, in fact I welcome the opportunity to speak on it.
I feel she is by no means “a dumbass”. I think that was rather harsh language.
By the way, have you read all the responses to this thread? Not everyone chooses a stranger. It’s quite interesting.
@numbskull101 - Well i guess i am speaking from my own opinion, having experienced it in a way i will never forget.
@CaseFace328 - I feel you. For each of us it’s an individual experience and affects each of us differently. For me, my healing has come from talking, reading and sharing stories, for others it may not be so.
if it was someone i knew it’d be easier to press charges.
someone i know but it depends hoo it is…. if it ws ma dad then stranger!!!
Stranger
let’s see -could i pick the person i know? i’m just playing with you ,Dan —-that would be terrible either way.
Obviously no one would want to be raped, but I think being raped by a stranger would be “better.” That way, you wouldn’t feel any sort of remorse in trying to pursue justice. If your were raped by someone you knew, you might feel hesitation in turning them in because you’ve formed this supposedly trusting bond with them already.
Definitely a stranger. it would be difficult, if not impossible to put it behind me if it were someone I saw all the time like my father.
Well, you know how rape is, it’s such a subjective and individual experience, and anyone would want to be raped by the person who was the gentlest and most non-threatening.
Of course being raped by a family member, if it is subtle, gentle and the younger person has been manipulated by the older trusted loved one it may less frighting at the time but more traumatic in the long run than the same by a stranger or even by being overpowered by a stranger.
Of course I would want to be raped by the nicest looking person and hopefully that would be a stranger because I can’t think of anyone I am related to that is that attractive so the odds of a stranger being more attractive are probably better.
Of course I want want the person not to beat me up or cut me into small pieces and string me out along the highway or anything like that…
I can imagine people being upset by the question at the idea that one would be preferable, as rape is an act of violence and power… but I see the stranger thing as better as well, the family member would always be there and I think it would be much worse.
Providing I had the choice of course but the nature of rape usually only comes with a choice of who goes first if there is any choice at all…
by whom would you “rather” be raped?
Mmm . . .
Neither!
i would rather just not be raped!
Obviously, the answer is neither. But if I had to say, it would be stranger. I mean, it’s a horrible experience either way, but personally I think it would be worse if it was someone I knew. (Like that poor girl and her father.)
Actually…I think my answer would change depending on if the person is caught or not. If it was a stranger that was never caught, that would have to be terrifying and very hard to live with. If it was someone you knew, and they got caught, at least they would be in jail. (Hopefully.) It’s a horrible thing to think about, and I feel very bad for those who have gone through it.
I don’t really like the question and I don’t have an answer.
Stranger. If I were raped by a close friend, I would feel not only the pain of being raped, but the pain of getting betrayed as well. And then I would probably instinctively trust all of my friends less and whatnot.
stupid fucking question.
i was raped by a boyfriend and it was hell. i’m going to go with stranger.
ummm neither!! HELLOOOOO!!!!
A stranger. 4 years ago, I was raped by a co-worker with whom I was close. I saw him everyday. After he raped me, I had to see him EVERY. DAY. for 3 months before he finally got run out for drug issues. If you’re raped by someone you know and trust, it’s hard to ever trust anyone again. You become afraid that everyone is out to trick you, that you’re incapable of telling who is a good person and who is bad, you doubt yourself, you hate yourself, you can’t tell anyone close to you because perhaps they are rapists too. It’s horrifying.
A stranger, well that’s different. You could blame that on the bad apples of humanity, that some people are just cruel and rotten, but not everybody out there is. People you trust will be there for you, and you can always fall back on them for help. You’ll probably never see a stranger again.
I think it’d be easier to get over a stranger raping me, because it took ages to get over my friend/co-worker raping me. Trusting people again is hard with either scenario, but I think it’s even harder when someone you trusted did it.
It doesn’t matter. You’re fucked over by both situations.
BOTH!
This is what happens when schools give multiple choice tests all the time – people tend to think the right answer is always on the test – and pick an answer – even though the “correct” answer(s) may not be on the test at all.
Politicians often frame debates this way…
This either-or thinking is a mere shadow of reality…
probably stranger.
Discussing. I watched the Japanese film, Strang Cicus, last week. The story’s about the girl who had sex with her father and her mother jealous her.
However, children ( boy or girl ) should not be raped by fathers or friends.
Neither..
I don’t even have answer.
Even with the story behind it.. why in the hell would you ask something like this?
i would have chosen stranger
real talk & no disrespect; but i honestly don’t think you should be asking that. not this past summer, but the summer before; this happened to me by my boyfriend’s cousin. and i don’t think you should be posting anything like this.. you can’t possibly imagine how hard this was to go through..and asking people which one they would rather want is just wrong.
Someone I know. It’s safer to choose the devil you know.
Rape is horrible in any form and its not a contest, in my opinion.
stranger. i have been through three sexual assaults by people i was close to and i would much rather it have come from a stranger.
Definitely a stranger. Not someone I’d have to look at everyday. I’d probably end up committing suicide in that case. Gosh, so morbid, but most likely true.
that’s a stupid question, I rather not be raped by no one.
Ha I would rather NOT be raped at all. That’s my answer.
@dude_this_world_sux - I agree for the exact same reasons. I’d rather by someone I know because it’d be easier to press charges and deal with the other issues (disease, pregnancy) that could possibly arise.
I do say that it might be harder to prosecute someone you know though, just because you know them.
I would want to say a stranger initially, but after reading through a few comments I would have to say someone I know. It would definitely be easier when it came time to press charges and I’d know where to send my boyfriend to kick his ass after it happened. It would be hard regardless. I was sexually assaulted (not raped) by a guy I was seeing and it took me years to come to terms with it and I never know why he chose to do it and why he stopped right before the act would have been completed. I think if it had been a stranger I would be even more upset and I don’t know if I would ever accept what had happened since I would never know why it happened. I don’t think I would have trouble with the person I know because I would not see them everyday unless it was in court. I would put a stop to seeing them real fast.
As a rape victim who experienced both cases…
I would rather be raped by a stranger.
And with no disrespect to you… It’s a highly inappropriate topic.
Stranger.
A stranger is better than a family member. euw
@RockstarJuiceNStarburst - i agree.
i would choose someone i know.
i rather be raped by someone i knew..then someone i didn’t know at all.
stranger.
Alright, Dan….here’s your homework. Go get yourself raped by a close acquaintance and a complete stranger, take notes, and bring back your findings so we can all know which would be the worse of the two predicaments.
I think the people that got their panties in a bunch need to get a clue about social interaction. It’s a semi-anon public venue, if you have an issue with a simple, taboo question, shut the fuck up and answer a different question. It’s not like he’s telling you your going to get raped, and you need to choose, it’s just a hypothetical situation with a hypothetical victim. Insensitive to some? Maybe, outright offensive? No. Warranting negative vocal responses? Definitely not.
Stranger.
Definetely a stranger
Stranger. Yes, it would still be terrible, but at least you never have to see them again except maybe in court.
This is like the “what would you rather do, slide down a 50ft. razor blade or suck all the dung bunnies out of a camel’s butt?” question.
Everyone who is assaulted reacts differently and wishes different things happened. It is never quite the same for anyone. You may think you can choose now, believing it will never happen, but then if it did, you realize your thoughts have changed. The feelings you have to deal with when recovering are overwhelming and take over your life for a while. I wish I had never been assaulted, but I was. And now that it’s happened to me, I’ve realized how much it happens around us. I have many issues being close to men because my ex assaulted me. If it had been a stranger, I’d still have the same issues. In either situation I would not have been able to prove the man assaulted me. There were no witnesses. No one thought my ex could be like that. It’s not easier to prove the case if you know the person. It’s just a matter of bruises, cuts, burns, and scratches. Stranger or no stranger, rape is rape and it’s hard to fight for justice in court.
An acquaintance is easier to press charges against, and I can evict the individual from my life from that point, forward – with a restraining order. Yes, it hurts harder when it is someone you know and trust – but it is harder to apprehend and arrest a stranger than it is to press charges against someone you are close to.
Once the rape kit is processed [another grueling procedure], you have your evidence for court. If the perpetrator is at large, it is easier to apprehend the suspect at their home than by generic description.
With a stranger, you are not certain of surviving the ordeal. With someone you trust – although the trust is shattered – you stand a stronger chance of survival – as the individual will operate under the belief that you will not only not press charges, but will also not want to make social waves…and hopes for a second dip, along the way.
Given my current life and lifestyle, I’m not likely to be raped ever again.
You should be ashamed of yourself. This is a terrible question that no one should think about.
Rape is a crime of violence, not sex. If it was by someone you know, you most likely didn’t know the person in the first place.
You may be less likely be killed by the stranger, but rape is rape.
Just hope it never happens.
that’s a hard question…….
Stranger. I would probably be really scared/embarrassed/angry looking at that person a lot. At least with a stranger, you wouldnt have to see them (unless luckily they were caught and put on trial)
how about neither!
neither; it’s not like we have a choice anyway (if it does happen).
I wouldn’t want to be raped at all, but if I had to choose, I would say stranger.
a stranger i s’pose. because there wouldn’t be that loss of trust and you wouldn’t have to deal with all the memories that you had and what not.
Did you know you can kill a man by ripping off his genitals? I choose this solution.