January 2, 2011
-
Marrying Someone Who Had Sex With a 14-Year-Old
Debra Lafave is engaged. She is the woman teacher who had sex with a 14-year-old student.
She maintained a “B” average in college and major in English. But when she became a teacher, she had oral sex and sexual intercourse with the young student. Here is the link: Link
Do you think you could marry someone who had sex with a 14-year-old student?
Comments (105)
absolutely
When you’re in love with someone, does it matter who the person was involved with in the past?
yesss, now i can join the blogring for commenting first on dan’s post
Fourteen is too young. If they were above sixteen (legal age where I live) it would be a little more permissable if not forced. I mean, it’s still illegal but less morally questionable.
it would be tough and annoying but im sure i could. she is hot ahah
LOL!
Hell no, I could not get over the fact that someone committed statutory rape. Ew. Idc how consensual it was, having sex with young kids/teens is sick.
is she marrying a 14 year old?
lol..
Where would we be if we could not move forward from the past?
Hmm….sure.
And even more sure if this “someone” was also 14.
Your title says “someone” so that was my first reaction…until I read your actual post. But either way, leaning on the “yes” side. Though….I’m a bit worried on having children with them. >_>”
“So kid, your mother may or may not rape you when you turn 14 …just saying…”
well we hope people can be rehabilitated from their crimes…
Though I think people would be less lenient if this was a man-girl situation.
haha, sure. pretty kinky.
Hm…pretty sure the answer to that question is no. bleh.
@AmeliaHart - I was wondering the same thing. How tolerant the comments would or would not be if it were a male teacher/ female student?
Everyone’s saying yes… Noooo
well, sure! i can’t really blame her, anyway. fresh teenage meat is sooo delicious. (eww no pun intended!)
I could if they were about 14 when they had sexual relations with them, otherwise… It’d weird me out far too much. My oldest young sister is 14. That’s so off-limits to me.
*she’s really beautiful though ;_;
yes, of course.
it was consensual and that teen knew what he was doing. we don’t really know how mature that teen was, or what the circumstances really were, but we know it was consensual and they made the choice to do this.it may have been wrong on her part to break the law, but it wasn’t wrong for her to have sex with someone she may have had feelings for. it may have been a conflict of interest being that he was a student but she didn’t really do anything that wrong. it’d be like a 16 year old having sex with a 15 year old. no one would be too upset because of the “statutory rape” aspect.
@ccrider17 - My guess is – not very….. :/
I wouldn’t see a problem with it. Besides if she gets married, she probably won’t be trolling the streets for jailbait. OMG when I was fourteen I wanted to fuck my teacher so bad, but she was all like “put your pants back on, and stop doing that”. I could tell she was hot for me, but apparently she wasn’t down with going to jail. Fucking System.
As long as it was consensual (which we know with regards to this woman, it was consensual), absolutely.
I remember when this story was big in the news and people talking about how this kid was a “victim” – yea, it was SO horrible for him getting to bang a girl as hot as her…. *rolls eyes*
Probably not
@JinnLedet - English humour?
Ew, period.
@ccrider17 - Exactly, most people would be screaming all hell if this was a man who had sex with a 14 year old girl. Regardless of who is older or how big the age gap, as long as they’re at least in high school and it’s consensual, then I don’t have a problem with it.
I married a man who had sex with a 15 year old runaway. Of course the run away was me. ;-p I guess it would depend on the situation.
All I want to know is “Where the hell were these teachers when I was 14?”
its intriguing that a women could sleep with a 14 year old boy and then find a husband. but most men ( if they slept with a 14 year old girl) could not.
when i was 14 i was throwing myself at men haha and i didnt look 14 either. but then she knew he was 14… i duno. for some reason its easier to forgive a women in this situation than a man. could i marry her if i really loved her? yeah. could i marry a man who did that? hell no.
that’s shasty mc nasty
a Pedophile is a Pedophile and the only good Pedophile is a dead one. Doesnt matter if they are a man or a woman…they all deserve to be shot in the head PERIOD. They lure innocent children into there crazied fucked up realities stealing from them there Innocents. I dont give a shit how much they repent and say they are sorry it is something that can never be given back. They are destroyers of lives… And do not deserve to live.
No, no, no.
Let’s look beyond the sex thing. For one thing, we’re dealing with a person who flaunts authority, who thinks that her personal feelings and experiences put her above the laws and rules of decent society. For another, we’re dealing with a person who has abused her authority as a leader and role model in order to begin a criminal relationship. Lastly, I don’t care if they did “love” each other, 14 is criminal not because it’s “gross,” but because 14 year-olds lack the mental and psychological capacity to informed consent. A teacher, who is mandated to complete a college course in education which surly included child development, would have known that — and she STILL had sex with him.
Soooo…. no. At best, she’s a Super Sized portion of extra-strength crazy.
I’ve had sex with someone who was once a 14 year old.
If she was that hot.. hm
@Rigamortus - Not to burst your bubble, but this isn’t pedophilia; pedophiles are attracted to pre-pubescent children, not pubescent minors.
It depends on how old the guy I’d marry was when he slept with the 14-year-old. As far as the situation you posted, no.
@breaking_expectations - but in 2004, when she do the doing thing, the legal age here in Canada was 14. In Spain it’s now 13; aren’t we in danger of insulting the Spanish?
Definitely not.
@GermanWrench - call it what ever you want…… one good one is a dead one.
@Rigamortus - Idiot, learn what a pedophile is. A pedophile is someone who likes PRE-PUBESCENT children. A high schooler is (almost always) NOT pre-pubescent.
@GermanWrench - Oh please, 14 year olds are perfectly capable of deciding if they want to have sex or not. Sure, some might regret it later, but they still have the mental capacity to make the decision based on the information they have at the time (which is all anyone can ever do is make their decisions based off what they know at the time). As for the “it’s illegal”, it’s only illegal because certain people feel that it’s “icky” and as such, should be illegal (much like how we used to have laws against anal sex). Not only would I marry someone who ignored a BS law, but it would make them more attractive to me that they have the intelligence and willpower to make their own decisions and not let someone tell them that an action, which harms no one, is “wrong” merely because that person finds it “icky”.
There’s nothing crazy about two people having consensual sex. Would you be foaming at the mouth like this if it was two 14 year olds having sex?
@darkoozeripple - Is a 13 year-old really mentally, psychologically and emotionally capable of understanding the potential consequences of having sex? Maybe a very few are, but the vast majority aren’t. I’m not so much concerned with the legal aspect of it as the actual impact it has on young adults. I sincerely doubt that even half of kids under the age of 18 are mentally developed enough to understand the consequences of getting pregnant, having an abortion, having an adoption, having a kid, getting a life-long STD, getting an STD that could compromise their future fertility, getting a life-threatening STD, or the potential for crippling humiliation and heartbreak. Hell, I was 25 when I had my first kid and I still didn’t feel ready — and that was after college, with a husband, a job, and a house. Whether it’s legal or not, it’s still child abuse.
the question should be “would you marry a rapist?” I can’t say never, but it would have to be a pretty special situation.
btw she is pretty, but then evil can be wrapped in some nifty packages.
@BimmerPhile - “14 year olds are perfectly capable of deciding if they want to have sex or not.”
They might be capable of deciding if they want to have sex or not — in the sense that they’re capable of deciding that it’s what they want to do. It’s well established scientific fact, though, that the part of the brain that determines consequences for actions, reason-based decision making, and controls risky behavior is still very immature until about age 20. The difference is, 20 year-olds are usually in a better position in life to handle the consequences of their actions than 14 year-olds, the vast majority of whom are still living completely under the subsidy of their parents. It’s not a slight against them; their brains are simply immature and need time to develop. A truly mature teenager is one who understands his limitations and restrains his actions so he doesn’t do something rash he might regret later, not one who decides that he’s so mature that he can do everything that adults do.
@valis10 - And who did she rape? A teenager who had
CONSENSUAL
sex with her?
@GermanWrench - Oh that’s a bunch of bullshit. People, of any age, sometimes make bad decisions or decisions that they later regret. You can’t change that, laws won’t change that, and age doesn’t change that. Look around you – people of all ages make bad decisions all the time. You cannot take away a persons right to make their own decision simply because they might make a bad decision. All laws like this do is ruin the lives of people who did nothing wrong (because it was CONSENSUAL), yet a few people like yourself go “ew, that’s icky” and you lock them up (wasting taxpayers money on court and jail costs) and destroy their future as a result. Why do you get to decide who people get to have CONSENSUAL sex with? Why not make it illegal to screw a fatty or a bald guy? Many people consider that to be “icky”, yet I don’t see you railing against that.
This is purely a matter of a handful of bitter people arbitrarily saying that they don’t like X (even though it harms no one) and thus X should be banned (we see this all the time with gay marriage, marijuana, anti-sodomy laws, the abortion laws we used to have, the anti-porn laws, etc). There is no rational reason for consensual sex between two people old enough to make their own decisions to be illegal.
@BimmerPhile - since she was in a position of authority as his teacher, the sex could not be consensual. Teachers, preachers, counselors, attorneys etc etc are held to a high standard of professionalism that is intended to protect relationships.
Just because you feel that a 14 year old is capable of having consensual sex does not mean that teachers should not be held accountable for abusing their positions.
I could have sworn she was marrying the same boy she had intercourse with.
@valis10 - That is the dumbest argument ever. That’s like saying Obama rapes his wife every night because he’s the President and thus in a “position of authority”. If she THREATENED him and said “I’ll fail you or lie and get you suspended if you don’t have sex with me”, then THAT would be using a position of authority to force non-consensual sex. However, that’s NOT what happened here. Two people were attracted to each other and had sex – I know, it’s a horrible crime! *Note: that last part was sarcasm*
Never mind. Wasn’t that Mary Kay Letourneau?
Mixed feelings. Post about the subject to commence… tonight? Maybe.
@BimmerPhile - I don’t think it’s “icky,” I think it’s wrong, for the same reason that it’s wrong to manipulate mentally handicapped people into having sex: They don’t have the capacity to make that decision.
Do some research in brain development before screaming “bullshit” because you don’t like what the science says. Yes, people make decisions they may later regret. When those decisions impact the physical and mental health of individuals without the capacity to understand the weight of choices made with the consent of an individual who IS capable of understanding the weight of those consequences, the law has an obligation to step in.
It would really depend on if they had truly changed. As a whole, i doubt it, because that would always linger.
@BimmerPhile - huh the “dumb” argument you refer to is a well established professional and legal code of ethics for professionals. You are obviously either ignorant of or unwilling to accept professional and legal standards of conduct.
For example it is well established that a sexual discrimination lawsuit can be filed and will probably be won if a supervisor has sex with an employee, regardless of the circumstances.
@tarynhulse - yes it was. I don’t know how long it lasted, but I think they had a child.
@GermanWrench - I’ve read up on this before and the “science” is inconclusive at best. You know perfectly well that when you were in high school that you had the ability to make your own decisions. The problem is that you, like so many others, fall into this “Well, I’m over 18 so I’m an “
adult”
now, so anyone younger than me is a moron and can’t make their own decisions” mentality. That’s not true and you damn well know it. All it makes you is an arrogant jerk for thinking that, based on an arbitrary number for “legal age of adulthood”, that you somehow become intellectually superior to people younger than you and you use that false sense of superiority to justify controlling others. I’m in grad school now and was out of college for a few years before starting grad school, yet I’m not an arrogant prick and going to say that “Oh, those high schoolers are mentally retarded and can’t make their own decisions purely because they having turned 18 and magically been given superior adult reasoning super powers!”
@valis10 - Established law does not mean it is INTELLIGENT. That’s what you’re failing to understand here. There is a difference between what is legal and what is right. I never said anything about the LEGALITY of it, I said that it’s an idiotic statement to claim that since she is his “boss” (in a manner of speaking) that her having sex with him is forced.
@naguyin - rofl. “Your mother may or may not rape you when you turn 14. Just sayin’” I have a feeling that conversation would be more awkward than the sex talk.
if my partner was 14 or 15 when having sex with that 14-year-old it would be no issue to me
No.
@GermanWrench - No, he or she is almost certainly not capable. I don’t defend her actions, nor take a position that such situations are okay, or to be encouraged. However, it arouses my sense of sarcasm when I see yet again the assumption that we are to suddenly leap up in moral outrage over some individual’s failings, while accepting worse things from empowered authorities who have delighted in ordering and thwarting the growth of their citizenry, most especially in the area of their emotions and sexuality.
I don’t care about sex. I would assume they were having issues then. I was 14 once. I had a crush on Eric, my dad’s coworker as a youngin’ I was definitely not innocent. I don’t know why we’re attracted to the people we are. I’m attracted to older people. It has nothing to do with their status.
I don’t really think people are adults until around 30. I definitely don’t think an 18 year old is an adult.
Well, when I was 14 I had sex with an older man. We were in love and stayed together over 5 years. I’m not sure how much I can fault her for her actions because it would be very hypocritical of me, so I see no problem with her getting married.
Um…no.
Eh, no. That’s just really unhealthy and is a sign of lots of mental problems that probably aren’t fixed.
Dese comments be creeperz.
@Rigamortus - true dat
serious lack of judgement at the least, without knowing if/how the student was encouraged to participate … no, i wouldn’t marry him (or if i was a guy, marry her)
@AceValentineRocks - Uh, the chick was married before and still had relations with a 14 year old. You really think marriage will keep her from trolling the street for young boys?
@AnchorsAwayx - Oh, there’s a blogring for it?! Awesome! I can join, too!
When I was 14, I wanted to have sex. So no, I wouldn’t be upset if someone slept with a 14 year old…and there was only a few years difference.
If they were considerably older and knowingly could have possibly destroyed that youngster’s life (pregnancy, severe std’s or introducing emotional problems) then HELL NO!! I don’t think anyone over the age of 18 has any business being with a 14 year old, boy or girl. Who cares how attractive or “mature” they are.
@BimmerPhile - So if it was a man that did this to a 14 year old girl then it would be ok right? Oh she was so lucky to bang such a hot guy…..
Rapo, Pedophile, what ever name you try and church the shit up with doesnt not make it even close to being ok. They abuse there station period.
They take complete advantage of a situation for “their own interest”.
And oh they are in Love and blah blah blah… They are so mature for their age, it is with out a one of the worst thing that done to a child.
But since this is such a HOT WOMAN sleeping with a 14 year little boy whos balls havent even dropped yet it is ok because it is Manly!!!! He got to score with the teacher…. nudge nudge wink wink…… Sicking.
I don’t know. Honestly.
thankfully, I dont have to ponder this question! I have already married the man I love more than anything or anyone. And he has only had sex with 1 other person – who was not a 14 year old student!
Yes. The past is the past and as long as they truly learned their lesson and have moved on from it then I don’t see the problem. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 5 years who can basically be classified as sex offender in a mild sense. What he did then does not affect our relationship and it’s just taught me many things about loving another human being. I am not much better then him. I’ve done stupid, fucked up things in my life too. Deeper things bond us together, not the mistakes we made. You have to move on from it somehow. The only time I don’t wish for a sex offender to move on normally with their life is if they were a rapist or something. That is much harder to turn around.
Had this been a man, ALL of you would be saying no.
Gotta love double standards!
Well, the lines are often blurry. A tough decision that one must confront if presented. Thankfully we are not being asked to marry her now.
would you marry someone who has had 14 fuck buddies? what is the differences? you had sex with someone in the past. then that is that. it is all in the past. congrat her for being engaged.
no
unless she was young too
Damn, but this got everyone stirred up tonight!
um probably not. but I don’t like black and whites.
@Rigamortus - If you read my other posts, yes, it’s fine regardless of who is older as long as it is CONSENSUAL. The only thing that’s sickening is you thinking that it’s OK to tell others who are capable of making their own decisions who it’s OK for them to have consensual sex with. I’m assuming you also have an issue with gays, polygamists, polyamourists, transvestites, people over 18 with an age gap dating / marrying, etc, right? Because plenty of people find any combinations of those “sick”.
if she recognizes what she did and is sincerely remorseful, I’d reconsider it. if she is pompous and nonchalant about it, then no way.
@BimmerPhile - WOW I must have of really hit a nerve with you for you to try and attack me. *laughs*
Get over yourself. It is because of people like you and your thought pattern that your mothers should of Spit or Swallowed.
Normally someones sexual past wouldn’t get to me but she’s a grown woman and authority figure. Something is not right in the head with her. Not only was she an adult over 21 when it happened, she was also the boys teacher. Her priorities aren’t straight nor are her morals and that’s not someone I would want to deal with.
Q: What’s worst than a boy scout in your pocket ?
A: A brownie in your pants !
i think i heard that something was mentally wrong with her..
thats disgusting.
If that 14 year old looked like an adult, sure.
any adult having sex with a child is a sick fuck. If someone knew about her past and still married her, well then they are a sick fuck too. Simple
Yeah sure, and if it were flipped genders, yep.
People do not change as easily as some think, even if punished etc. Some behaviour can’t be cured by rehabilitation. This woman obviously couldn’t control herself, suggesting she is impulsive to a degree. Impulsive behaviour is often deep-rooted, so I would avoid her if that’s the case. If she is psychologically a true paedophile (lusted for the child because of his youth etc), then there’s no chance I’d enter a relationship with ‘em, considering statistics on paedophiles. Perhaps she was insecure, and liked the attention she got via her manipulations? I can’t really think of a reason why I’d engage myself with this woman.
It all has to do with society. In our society, a 14 year old is not mature enough (for the most part). They are still very sheltered.
In other societies, young adults are expected to mature more quickly, and so they do.
Depends. How old were they when they had sex with that 14 year old? If they were like 34, whoa dude. There’s some Pedobear up in this bitch.
Everyone has a dark part in life. this is a sickness that can be treated if the sicker recognize the he/she needs help. depending on her capacity she can find new opportunities in society. maybe yes, maybe no. I wish I could get to know her. http://bit.ly/h7HMxN
So many time we make mistake in life not because we wanted to. Wait! I am for the action. Absolutey. It would sound more prudent to know the reason why the acion was caused. http://bit.ly/h7HMxN
Well, What I think is that. We are in a New Year now and what ever happened in 2004 should stay in 2004. Which should have been there in the first place it has been over 7 years that this situation occurred. I think it’s even better for her to get married so she would forget about what she did. It’s time for her to move one with her life, she needs to get a great husband that would respect her no matter what, even when she mad bad chooses. Like I have said before it’s 2011 it’s time for her to move on with her life.
No.
Wouldn’t be a problem for me. I’ve had sex with men much older than myself and my younger than myself. I know plenty of people who’ve done the same. The boy consented to it, and at 14, he knew what he was doing. She isn’t a rapist – she might be a little silly in the head, but obviously her fiance would probably know that.
@MiaJoyTheWriter - Give us a good reason to your answer?
@Kimbo0807 - Because… you have to have a pretty twisted mind to have sex with a freaking 14-year-old when you’re an adult yourself. I’d prefer to marry someone who has never done anything like that. That’s all. That’s my opinion.
I honestly have no idea..
Like I’d hate to be judged for my past..but then again.. my past doesn’t involve statutory rape..
@AceValentineRocks - actually, she was married at the time when she was arrested. she was married during the entirety of the situation in question.
you all need to learn more about this case. Debra Lafave was an extremely unhinged woman. my guess is, that hasn’t changed.i think we’re losing sight of so much because she’s hot, young, and a woman.what she did was illegal. not to mention immoral. she took advantage of a position of power and used a young teen for her own purposes.
No. Ick.