February 22, 2011
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As Long As He is Not Black
I was reading a post where a woman mentioned her mother would prefer she marry an Asian man.
She also mentioned a conversation with her mother: “Then I said… what if it is a white guy… and she said “uhh…. white guy???” And so I quickly said… “as long as he’s not black, right?!” And she said fine, as long as he’s not black.” Here is the link: Link
Would your parents be uncomfortable if you dated a black person?
Comments (125)
Unfortunately. = They’re pretty racist people.
There’s a chance my parents will disown me if I marry a black guy.
Hmm… I don’t think so.
I dated a black guy in high school for a while and my mom hated it. She never said it out loud but you can tell she was so relieved when I moved on to a Jewish guy,
Well, since I am black… >_>
I was raised in the deep south, my parents would have disowned me if I had dated any race other than white. Poor ignorant people.
Hell no.
So glad I don’t have parents like that.
I only learned that they would after I was married. And then it was only my Dad. For my kids, I just hope they find someone who treats them right and makes them happy, and is a good parent to my grandkids (nonabusive). I don’t care what color their skin is.
@Queen_of_You188 - Are you black Queen? I think because you are in Tokyo I assumed you were Asian. I’d love to see pics of the people I talk to every day and “click” with here on xanga. I wonder how many of them look like what I think they do.
Well, I’ll tackle this from the other end. It sincerely makes me happy and tingly all over when I boink a girl of another race who has parents that I know for a fact dislike me interacting with her because I’m black.
My parents were all about me being happy. Race, thankfully, had nothing to do with their opinion of who I was with.
@LilMishas_Ghost - I actually just posted a picture of myself if you wanna see it :3 And does my metro still say “Tokyo”? Thought I’d changed that. ._.
Oh yeah, they would probably care. Probably not as much as my relatives though. Oh those Asian aunts!
@Queen_of_You188 - I’d love to see you. Gimme a link!!!!!!! (yes it still says Tokyo)
Sad to see, even sadder to see so many comments agree with her mother.
I guess it’s generational?
No my parents wouldn’t care.
nope. already did
My Chinese ex MIL once told me that she would rather her sons be gay than bring home a black girl.
I have no idea.
@BingleBot - same
My parents don’t even want me associating myself with black people. They honestly believe that they’re ALL bad people. Wtf? This doesn’t make sense because we’re Latino. Us minorities gotta stick together, they don’t see it that way.
I secretly had a black acquaintance in high school. Oh noes.
Both my parents are black, so I think they wouldn’t care (although the guys I’ve dated previously were white, by coincidence). I don’t think they would care what race the person I dated was as long as he treated me right.
Yeah, my parents would definitely care. I’m not even allowed to date now, haha.
They’d be uncomfortable, but they won’t do anything.
My parents are uncomfortable around black people. If I dated a black person, my relationship with them would suffer.
Yeah, they would actually because of the language barriers. They don’t really speak English very well and feels that the dude will laugh at them. Go figure, right?
I don’t think my parents would be at all actually. They wanted somebody that treats me right and would take care of me since they didn’t teach me to take care of myself. :0p i had to learn that after the first piece of shit dumped me and our kids. What was the question again. LOL sorry, my parents visiting is making me insane.
Who’s her mother? Sarah Palin?
So it is ok to date Asian guys? Hmm…I rarely see a Asian guy going around the city with a girlfriend who is not Asian…so I guess we are not as multienthically loving as we thought….I do however seen lots of black and white guys with girls of various races. Interesting point to keep in mind. Just interesting.
Yes, very.
My mother would be a lot more uncomfortable with it than my dad would be. If I insisted that we had a good relationship though, my parents would let us be.
My daughter does date a black guy….I absolutely adore him, I hope they make it and get married….besides, he’s going to be a doctor, what more could you ask for in a son in law….:) Seriously though, he treats my daughter wonderfully, better then any white guy ever has…to us he isn’t “black”…he is “Aaron”…he is a human being, and wonderful one at that…
My mother, on the other hand, has a really hard time with it, being she was raised in a small town in an entirely different era….but she is trying because she loves my daughter…
I think my parents have given up on me dating, so no they wouldn’t care.
Most of the ex’s have terrible racial barriers from when i was younger, i find it that the mothers are more susceptible to the idea from my point of view, while the fathers gave the impression that all black guys do is run, eat chicken and **** white women. it’s kinda funny really. i just take it in stride. but i can’t help that i like white women!
@WondersCafe -
Thats true too, it’s incredibly rare to see asians outside of their own racial relationships. but from what i hear, they prefer to stay with their flock. atleast when i asked (as politely as possible).
@DarkWaver - What if I told you that is not the case? I know many who want actually…white girls, but …it never happens. I guess I shall leave it at that.
yesssss. my mom would flip out like there’s no tomorrow. she’s kind of an Indian supremacist, in that she thinks that everyone but Indians have ‘bad genes’ or something. but Blacks would be worst, just because she has a bad impression of them. you can’t blame her considering she’s an immigrant, and that every time she sees a Black person they’re loitering (sometimes at night), on a street corner, cussing, being loud, etc. my dad, my brother and I get to interact with Black people so we know that they’re not all bad people. but she has nothing else to go off of. and come to think of it, I don’t think she’d want me to marry a Mexican either for those same reasons.
It would depend on the black guy. Stand up guy, nice kid, yadda yadda, I’m pretty sure my dad would be fine with it. However, my dad saves the “n-word” for the hate-the-police drug-dealing ghetto black guys. (Like, he doesn’t use it for the average law-abiding citizens. Just the trashy ones. Not defending him, I’m just saying.) As I wouldn’t go out with one of those anyway, I can’t see it as much of an issue.
Is this a specific question regarding the attitude of East Asian parents towards Africans and other “black” people? Whatever the case of course, racism exists in all communities at one level or the other. Sometimes, itis not racism as such but culturalism or classism.
I would prefer my daughter to marry an educated black man in a good job than a red-neck drunkard. I would prefer her not to marry a Muslim or any shade or a Christian literalist. The former is more disturbing than the latter; I have grown prejudiced about what is often the attitude of Muslims towards women and would rather her avoid that.
I’m going to put a version of my comment on my site. It may illicite debate on the reasons and prevalence of rascism.
@Queen_of_You188 - So for you it is: Would your parents be uncomfortable if you dated a white person?
@nattata - Probably not ._. My mom probably wouldn’t give a damn, so long as the person was good to me. :3
No.
I do think it’s generational….my father seems to have no personal racism against blacks…he is 85, and a very kind, gentle, generous man who tends to see the good in everyone – i have never heard him utter anything against any race…but in his era, in our part of the country, he grew up with the word “colored”, so that is the word he innoccuously still uses….like saying “hard road” for highway and “black top” for country road. I am sure he’d be happy with anyone I brought to meet him who would be the right person for me and would treat me right…but he just hasn’t had much experience with black folks. My kids and I, we’ve lived together with them, we’ve had cousins/nephews adopted from Congo, we’re completely comfortable with it, so I will be happy with whomever my children decide to marry, as long as they are of the same faith (I think different faiths can ultimately cause more problems with couples than different races) and they are good for, and to, each other. I don’t say the faith thing to be anti-other faiths, but I have had personal experience with that, and while originally I was very open minded, it led to far more problems than I would ever have imagined. But that’s another question entirely.
My parents once joked that they preferred not having dark-brown grandkids. (Their home-culture beautifies the pale-skinned.)
@DarkWaver - Thats true too, it’s incredibly rare to see asians outside of their own racial relationships. but from what i hear, they prefer to stay with their flock…
It takes time for first generation families to acclimiate with the culture and integrate fully with the larger communities.
Immigration from Asia didn’t pick up until the 70′s and 80′s.
@kn1ghtviper21 - Yeah, they would actually because of the language barriers. They don’t really speak English very well and feels that the dude will laugh at them….
I have the opposite problem with my mother. Her English sucks but she’s not self-conscience about it.
i don’t think they’d take it well, but if he was well mannered and treated me right then they’d get over it.
umm honestly we dont see much balck peopel in Malaysia but meh my parents are cool beans they wont care if he is nice and treats me good
@Queen_of_You188 - That’s cool!
No – quite rare for white South African parents.
I’m lucky that my parents are pretty open-minded. I am mixed, so I don’t see why it should be a problem if I bring home someone of a different race/skin colour to me. I think they care more about whether or not he is a good person, and will try his very damned hardest not to hurt me. But I guess if you ask them about religion, then there might be a problem, since my mother is a very strict catholic.
I think my parents will be fine with it. I (well my parents) got a marriage proposal for me she told them I want to marry your son. In 2002 I got asked out by someone who not the same race as me.
They would, and that’s what makes me so angry! I get it, mom and dad, you were born in different times and back then that would never happen, blah blah blah…well, it’s a different day in age. My best friend, who is white also, is dating a black man. They have a son together and they are perfectly happy together! It’s wonderful.
My wife would be uncomfortable, but not because the person is black!
Nope, as long as they treated me right.
Haha, no way would my parents have cared where the heck the guy came from. They cared a heck of a lot more about his character.
~V
There is something to be said for marrying someone who is culturally similar to you. In our “foresnic” evaluation for my divorce, the psychiatrist said our marriage was doomed from the start because of differences in cultural norms of communication. We were both white: One Italian/American the other English/Irish/Scandinavian. Color doesn’t matter as much as mode of communication and common feelings about family, religion and other cultural institutions (beyond food!)
No. I even flat out asked them when I was a teenager, and they said that if he was from a radically different culture from mine, that would make them nervous, but they wouldn’t care what color his skin was.
Lol, my cousin is married to a black guy and has an adorable son. Obviously we don’t care.
Parents, just a little. Grandparents? Heck yes.
@nyfemme - Whoa, that sounds just like my parents. My dad is full-blooded Italian (but his parents were born in the US) and my mom is English/Irish. The cultural differences are big, especially at family get-togethers, but they’ve been married for going on 30 years.
@BebstersBlog2 - That’s very funny! I’m 100% Italian, parents born in America. Glad your parents have made it to 30 years! I only made it to 20 (counting the bad years in there).
They’d be very happy for me.
I had a lady i used to babysit for ask me once if i would ever kiss a black guy. I was like 14 at the time. I looked at her like umm yeah…..why not? The kids grandmother has very VERY openly discussed when the kids were younger that they better only marry white(this is my ex’s mother gee wonder why i don’t let her see the kids) and she even went as far to say one time when we were talking about native americans would you want your daughter to bring home one of THOSE??? ohhh i was pissed! People can be so closed minded
I wonder if the reciprocal holds, as long as SHE’s not black…..
my family’s most important thing is that i get treated right by the guy. i hardly ever date and take dating WAY more seriously than any other 19 year old girl, so my family is realy trusting of my judgement. they said they’d rather me date a black guy that was good to me than a white guy that wasn’t. i don’t have anything against black guys, but i don’t really find myself attracted to them. but i’m also not really attracted to latinos, asians, etc. i don’t know. if i liked someone outside of my race i’d give it a shot. i love interracial relationships. i think they’re adorable.
my cousin had two kids with a black guy and the kids are very sweet and smart kids, but the guy was a jerk and he’s completely out of the kids’ lives. at first my family kind of flipped, but every one of us loves those two kids to death and they all realized that if the guy had been more resonsible and involved in their lives and loving towards my cousin, they wouldn’t have cared really about the fact that he was black.
So whenever anyone starts claiming that we live in a “post-racial society”, I should direct them to this post and comment box, right?
Race was (and is) a non issue in my family.
I’m Asian and adopted. When my family moved down South, it was at a time when ‘Blacks’ were not acceptable in the town we moved to. The kids I went to school with during that time, were brought up strongly on their families beliefs. Because they were born and raised there didn’t help either. The people in general though, were so ignorant, they couldn’t tell one race from the other. During my first year in school where we moved to, a lot of the kids called me the “N” word. Later on, I tried to date a white guy who was accepting of me, but his parents were not. He had to break up with me because I wasn’t of their race.
If I had parents like that, I’d disown them.
I’m white (a mix, but we’re very Italian), my boyfriend of 4 years is Chinese. (FOB parents and everything!)
both our parents are okay with it. his parents like me because I can speak some Chinese with them, and my parents like him, too – they were just confused at first. guess they never thought I’d being home an Asian! haha
we both were told by our parents though no spanish people or blacks. interesting.
my parents are uncomfortable with the idea of me dating any person other than a korean person. it makes me uncomfortable with dating anyone right now, frankly. i’m trying to be understanding to them… but there comes a point where i get tired of sugar-coating their racism… i don’t give up easily though.
patience, love, communication….
It’s strange, most if not all of my black friends said their parents would never have a problem with them bringing someone of another race home. It’s generally other races that I find whose parents wouldn’t be so okay with it. I guess I can’t blame them completely seeing as when you turn on the news or open the newspaper it’s my race people you see the most involved in some criminal activity but even so it seems a bit unfair to base opinions on the few bad apples. I’ve seem some psycho ass white, indian, asian, (insert other race) of people too.
I don’t think it’s because they’re racist, but I do believe they would prefer I stay within my own kind, not even Asian, but my OWN ethnicity. Lame.
@ninetailedevee - Agree!
@raspberryjade - LOL @ the “FOB parents”… cute.
Considering my dad is half black, and my parents aren’t bigots, I would say NO.
I notice a lot of people have that “as long as they are not black” rule, not just whites but Asians, Hispanics, etc. I don’t know why the world persists in despising black people.
And I wouldn’t date someone who personally or whose family indulges that prejudice either, even if I happened to be ‘non-black’ enough to meet their ‘standard’, I still wouldn’t want any part of them. I wouldn’t want to raise my children to have their heads filled with that kind of nonsense.
The sad part is I know I filtered out a big part of the pool of possibilities for myself with that. People really sadden me with their stupidity and hatefulness.
Nope, never. My parents are more concerned with religion, education, lifestyle, and morals, than the color of someone’s skin.
My step dad would but that’s because he’s an asshole. My mom wouldn’t at all; she wouldn’t think one thought about it. And that’s all that matters to me.
While I haven’t introduced my parents to any of my boyfriends yet, I’d like to think that, as long as he was a good guy, they’d be fine with it.
This reminds me of when I was “dating” a black kid in the 4th grade. I remember thinking to myself that I hope to god that my dad doesn’t find out because he would have killed me.
Are people seriously that shallow? I am a mom of two, and I don’t care who my children date and marry. If they are good people and in love with my kids, I couldn’t care less about skin color.
My dad doesn’t like interracial marriage at all, hah. I dated an asian guy for awhile and he didn’t like it. My mom doesn’t care at all. One time she told me she “wondered what kissing a black guy would be like” hahahahah.
oh sad
My mom had a saying, ” you can date black, you just can’t marry it.”
My dad didn’t agree with that.My family isn’t racists but they prefer not to have any of us date black..
but then again, i am not sexually attracted to black men. :/
irony: i lost it to a black guy…..and i NEVER went back..to black
My family has always wanted me to end up with the right person. Whatever color
My parents would be perfectly fine with my dating a black guy. My boyfriend is actually a quarter black (you cant really tell). My grandparents might be skeptical, but they are from a different generation. It’s sad that people still feel that way. I’m 20 years old. Segregation happened almost 60 years ago, therefore by the time my grandparents generation dies off, the people who were alive during segregation will also die. Its sad that people who weren’t around for these events will hang on to them.
I hate to admit that my family would have comments but they wouldn’t have a say in who I date.
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My husband would be uncomfortable, but it wouldn’t have anything to do with being black.
As much as I love my mom, she is pretty racist, especially towards black people… I hate that she’s so close-minded about this issue..
I had Jungle Fever in the past a couple of times and my whole family was nervous but I didn’t care both relationships were nice for as long as they lasted,
Yeah, they’d be super uncomfortable. They actually said they’d cut all contact with me if I married a black man.
@SKANLYN - Her mother’s actually a really sweet woman. She’s just really traditional.
@my_little_niche - Haha, I left a comment on my friend’s xanga regarding this, and in my family, my brothers are not “allowed” to date outside their race at all which was always peculiar to me, but like my friend pointed out, it may have something to do with preserving the “Asian blood” in our family or whatever.
Everyone’s racist. Some people are just better at lying to themselves about it.
Also… if you actually care what your parents think about who you’re dating… you may as well turn in your identity. It’s really none of their business, and if they have a problem with free will… they should have bought slaves instead of having kids.
@PervyPenguin -
“This doesn’t make sense because we’re Latino. Us minorities gotta stick together, they don’t see it that way.”
I see what you mean, since I’m hispanic, but I’ve learned quickly(thankfully) in life that instead of the “us minorities gotta stick together” mindset, it’s better to see it as Survival of the Fittest. Even hispanics have racially bigoted views towards other hispanics too, amongst themselves, so definitely what I said holds more substance, ‘Survival of the Fittest’.
As I paraphrase the late,great Bernie Mac’s line once said in the movie ‘Head of State’ (2003),
“Crime is crime. I don’t care if you’re white, black, etc. or my own kind, hispanic, if you rob ME…I’m a whoop your ass.”
I’m an Asian guy and I find that the reverse happens too – whenever I
date white girls, their families freak out when they find out their
daughter is dating a non-white guy. Even one of my co-workers (a white
woman) told me that her entire family was concerned because her niece
was dating an American born Korean student (she literally said, “Out of
all the guys at the University, WHY did she have to chose him?!?!?!”).
I think it’s pretty neat when I meet “eggs” (white people who are totally into Asian culture).
My son is tri-racial: Korean, Irish, and Black. Sooooooo No lol
It kinda makes me sad to see some of your parent’s reaction to black people. But I suppose it’s a generation thing and I hope that some of you yourself don’t feel the same way about black people. I’m black, and having someone react to me this way would be offending. But at times, I also expect certain people to have this reaction towards me.
My mom doesn’t care less about race. My dad is a different story.
No my parents wouldn’t disown me, but that’s because I’m black. Lol. Some of the comments about people’s parents disowning them because they decide to date a black person are hurtful, but I guess that can be attributed to not only racsim, but people not wanting their kids to be treated poorly because they’re part black.
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Both of my parents said that they would shoot him right in front of me if I brought one home.
& I believe them.
They’re incredibly racist.
But, I also have a weakness for black boys.
i personally don’t mind who I date and who I marry, because i am in love with the personality not the color of the skin.
but i only had 1 boyfriend and he was asian (i am asian too)
but I would love to date a caucasian, a black, any color as long as we mesh
but yes my mother would definitely mind because there is the language barrier (if he decides to learn chinese. my mother would probably love him)
.
Pretty sure my parents wouldn’t like it x_x…
I dated a chinese girl for six years her parents were …” tolerant ” since they saw my peotential but they would have rather she dated another asian or white person…c’est la vie…
..My parents wouldn’t care, as long as he was a good man.
Oh yea…. I am dating a black guy now and she is not liking it. She don’t even want to meet him! I guess it’s particularly hard for parents who had never interact with another race to accept an interracial relationship.
YES, definitely
I have dated black guys. Ive never preferred white guys, actually. My current boyfriend, though, is Filipino. My dad didnt like it at first but he got over it. And if he didnt get over it, it wouldnt matter. I wouldnt let my family come between my happiness with love.
Yes, sadly. They are pretty racist. But I think if I really loved him, even if he was black, theyd probably be okay with it.
WAIT….. WTF?
WHY DID YOU DO THAT? AND WHY DID YOU LINK IT? GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO BLOG ABOUT. WHY ARE YOU GETTING INTO MY BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!
psh no! coming from a multi-cultural place, that is the LAST thing on my parent’s mind. besides my long-term relationship that i have going right now, my parents always said i would end up with a black guy, because i’ve always thought they were handsome/sexy. even when I was younger, i hated the white dolls/barbies, i found darker skinned ones much better, and prettier. hell…I want to adopt a black baby, because they are so effing cute!
if parents are afraid based on the color of someone’s skin, then something is obviously wrong with this world.
I really don’t care what color guy i end up with in the end, as long as our relationship works.
Depends on the kind of black guy he is. If he’s the stereotype, definitely disown me. If he’s the decent kind however, they probably won’t have any complaints.
It’s sad really, that most people of a race don’t fight the stereotypes.
Especially since around here, we saw a black guy trying car doors around 10 pm here in my neighborhood. Really now. HOW STEREOTYPICAL. It makes me sound racist but it’s true. I know it’s not ALL black folks, but it’s still pretty fucking scary.
Oh, man, if I brought a black guy home my grandmother would probably fall over dead. My mom always told me she would prefer that I dated a guy that was the same race as us because it would be easier for him to understand our culture but I just don’t find many Asian men attractive… Besides, I’m really much too Americanized that there are only a few things from my Vietnamese culture that I even believe in and I feel that if I can date a guy that’s NOT my race that is willing to accept the cultural package that I come with, it’s better because it shows that he is a lot more open-minded.
nah, I don’t think so. I’ve dated a spanish guy who brought around all different types of people, so I think my family’s okay with it.
I don’t even want to think of what my parents would do if I brought home a black guy. Scary thoughts… but then again, my parents would disown me if I ended up marrying anyone except an Albanian, I think black and Hispanic would be the worst though… just the way my parents were brought up I guess :/
my parents wouldn’t care if he was black, white, or purple. I think just as long as i’m happy and safe they could care less. And i’d like to think that’s what every parent should want for their kids.
My parents wouldn’t have cared. My husband and I don’t care who our daughters marry so long as he treats them like a princess and isn’t abusive. Race is a non-issue for us.
They might be a little surprised at first, but ultimately their opinion would rest on how he behaved and how well he treated me.
i know certain members of my family wouldn’t really be for it, but they know i’m going to do what i think is best so they’ll just get over it.
My mom doesn’t approve of anybody that isn’t White.
Even though she’s a woman of color
Uh, duh. There’s a serious cultural difference between my family and 99% (literally) of the blacks I have met. My parents would have a big problem with the vast majority of WHITE girls I might pick, too. It’s about culture, people.
Ha, the conversation sounds like one I had with my mother. She’s an immigrant with very a traditional chinese way of thinking.