February 23, 2011
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Is Rape Really About Control?
One thing you will hear over and over again when the issue of rape comes up is “Rape is not about sex. It is about control.”
You hear this over and over again especially out of women but it makes no sense. Clearly the guy wants to have sex with the woman. So clearly it is about sex.
Is rape about control?
Comments (67)
Hmm.. this is a bit horrible of you.
It has to be about control, rapists are never bottoms.
You’re so good…
at being a dick.
No, sex is just the means. We associate the related body parts with our dignity (which is why we usually cover them), so it’s about showing that you can have whatever you want – it cannot be denied, etc, etc…
It’s also why you have examples where non-homosexual men rape other men.
oh look, it’s this post again
I doubt it’s always about control.
Rape is about getting fucked when you don’t want to. I don’t know what it’s like from inside the cock driver.
ok so tired of rape posts. first rapists are all sorts of people with all sorts of backgrounds. there are going to be different reasons for them to do such repulsive things. most will be about control some will be about sex some will be about anger some will be about not having the ability to comprehend consent (mental defects) and some will just want to make someone suffer. so you cant say that rape is about one certain thing. there are just too many types of offenders. the important thing is combating this crime through awareness and comunication.
It is ridiculous to state that rape is not about sex, regardless of other motivations of the rapist. I think the redefining of rape that happened many years ago has been a horrible insult to victims of rape. You’ve heard the redefiners saying, “Rape is rape is rape”…and what they mean is that they are calling other things rape. And yet they often say it isn’t about sex. Why do they want to deny that? So they can call something non-sexual rape, too? Ah well – I always did think that mandatory physical education was a violation…
If it was only about sex every woman would be raped several times a day.
Everyone probably already said what I’d have to say.
Sex as a form of control. An unfortunately powerful one.
It is everything from dealing with victims during my days as a cop to the stuff I learned in my classes as a criminal justice major tell me that it is. It’s about dominance and control, it’s the easiest way to break someone psychologically and emotionally. Why do you think it’s so popular during wars and why some radical religious movements use it so willingly.
That’s like saying a guy commits armed robbery to get spending money.
There’s different type of rape.. so I think for this post, that needs to be narrowed down. That said… isn’t sex always identified with a form of control?
At the core, it’s like “It doesn’t matter what you want, I get to do what I want to you anyway, and you can’t do shit about it.”
I have long thought that too. If it wasn’t at least partly about sex, it wouldn’t involve sex. I agree it is not ONLY about control, although control is one of the motives, and the means. It is also about inflicting terror and fear, and in some places it is about spreading your culture by forcing your enemies to raise your children. You kill the men, and take the women, thus thoroughly wiping your enemy out.
Rape, as it stands, is about many things- depending on the person that you are dealing with. For some, it can be an issue of control. For others, a fantasy that they had been repressing and has suddenly burst into a flame that can not be contained. For a few, it might be about a shameful past that reiterates a need to exact such horrors onto someone else. For others, a possible misunderstanding that got rebuked far too late. And for others, passion that can not be contained and in a sick, twisted way, love. No, the victim does not share this reasoning, but I am sharing from the rapists standpoint. Even though I was a victim.
- Coral
@ShimmerBodyCream - LMFAO.
You are going to receive a lot of hate for this one Dan, but to answer your questions, yes it usually is. There may be a few exceptions, but it is usually about control.
@lonelywanderer2 - Agreed
OP:
It usually is about control but not always like what everyone says.
I think we need some real rapist input on this issue, not these ignorant poseurs weighing in.
Well, Dan, when I’m raping someone…
I agree Dan. Rape is definitely sex. But it’s control too. So it’s both.
I think a lot of the time rape is about control. of course that’s not always the case.
Sex is such a big word for having so few letters. Sex encompasses all relationships between people, not just physical interactions. In other words, anytime we’re discussing interactions among people, it is about sex.
Biblically speaking, intercourse = conversation, becoming more intimate, knowing one another. That kind of sexual relationship is about much, much more than getting one’s rocks off! Or even getting each other’s rocks off.!
But rape is a one-way, I-don’t-care-about-what-you-want-or don’t-want, sexual victimization! It is the action of a depraved mind imposing degradation upon another person. It is a crime against humanity, not to mention against the victim at hand.
Who, exactly, did you have in mind when you posted this question? What is your purpose? Your motivation? That’s what I’m wondering.
Fortunately I don’t know.
watch The Last House on the Left and you tell us what you think.
@poosywhistle - yes. thankyou. There are also cases of rape where it is someone elderly. This post is clearly just to tick other people off.
Um… Yeah. He wants to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with him so… yeah. It’s about control.
I don’t know? Rape is fucked up, either way.
i can’t really read into the motives of a rapist, other than what i can see: they wanted sex but they don’t care enough about people to get it politely.
if the mentality of a rapist was projected onto a screen, i feel like it would be nothing more than the most degrading kind of porn. a guy friend and i were talking about porn once, and he agreed with me that most porn does not treat girls right, but he still couldn’t help but get a vain pleasure from watching a girl choke and gag on a penis, or watching two guys penetrating one girl’s mouth and vagina. it made me realize how much porn (and perhaps rape) is about power.
some guys really just want to lose their virginity
I’ve noticed that men are not what one could call thoughtful and curious about the motives and meanings of male-on-male rape.
Yes rape is about control. I really don’t understand how people could say otherwise.
I personally think rape is both control and sex. Afterall, what these rapist wants is sex and it’s out of control makes them rape someone.
@striemmy - seriously though.
WTF is your problem dude?
@alyssajunkie - agreed. couldn’t have said it better myself.
Well, not that this is a peer-reviewed psychological journal as a source, but Wikipedia has a whole article on the motivations of rape, and (more importantly) on how those motivations can differ based on the type of rape.
–The goal of an Anger Rape is to hurt, abuse, or humiliate the victim: here sex is just a weapon, a tool used (along with violence and verbal abuse) to hurt the victim as deeply as possible.
–In a Power Rape, it’s all about the rapist trying to sooth their own fears of inadequacy through conquest; some part of them is actually convinced that the rape victim will actually enjoy the encounter once it gets going. The rape never proves satisfying for the rapist, and often this type of rapist will try again with someone else, convinced they can “get it right.” This is the type of rape where control is important.
–Sadistic Rape is one in which the rapist gets turned on by inflicting pain. This sort of rape is often accompanied by torture. The rapist here is searching for gratification, but not for usual gratification.
–Sexual Gratification Rape is, just as it says on the tin, rape that *is* primarily for sexual gratification, not for power. Some psychologists do argue that, for some rapists at least, sex is what they’re really after. So you’re not wholly wrong, Dan.
–Then there’s the theories about how Rape Culture perpetuates rape. Basically, rape here becomes an act of aggression by men against women, with the unconscious goal of keeping women “in their place,” keeping men superior. This is encouraged by a culture of men in which rape is trivialized, rape victims are blamed for their own rapes, things like prison rape are laughed off, and women are sexually objectified. (If this sounds like feminazi propaganda, I can back it up with my own anecdotal evidence. I watched a YouTube video in which a female college student pranked a male college student with a meanish prank which ended with the male getting hit in the crotch. One commenter insisted that the proper reprisal was for him to wait until she was asleep, tie her down, and for the male and his friends to f*** her silly. He also used some derogatory phrases regarding women’s place in this world. Now, I don’t know, and don’t necessarily think, that this anonymous Youtube commenter actually physically acts out his posturing… but the fact is, thought precedes action, and a subculture in which such a comment is acceptable is a subculture that encourages such action.)
(Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation_for_rape)
tl;dr: Dan, it’s theorized that some forms of rape are about sex and not about power, so you’re not wholly wrong. But not all forms of rape are. To take the extreme example: a rape in which the rapist not only had intercourse with, but branded, scarred, and tortured his victim–you can’t tell me that was all about sex.
People use sex for control in other ways besides rape, such as continually refusing to have sex with your spouse/partner to get back at them for something. So it can be more about control than sex. Yes, there is obviously sex involved, but it’s a way of saying, “I don’t care if you want to have sex with me or not, you’re going to,” and it’s taking away a person’s control over one of the most personal and intimate aspects of a person’s life: who they have sex with.
Rape is one instance where a person uses violence to control another in order to get what he/she wants, i.e. sexual intercourse.
Nothing is ever certain. it could be about a anything really. lust, power, sanity, psychotic behavior, i really doubt when someone goes into the mind set of raping or killing, or stealing, it is always about one thing. its just a possibility.
Although most of the time it is about control, there are always exceptions. I heard a case the other day of a guy who had an extreme underwear fetish and would steal it from girl’s houses. Eventually when that didn’t satisfy him sexually, he would tie them up and blindfold them and make girl’s model it and then take the underwear and leave. When that wasn’t enough he eventually turned to raping and then murdering them. In that case, I think it definitely was about sexual fetishes that got way out of hand.
Can we move on from rape already?
@poosywhistle - It turns me on when you sound all smart and shit. ;]
People who rape are sick. Period.
Control, fear, and power.
It’s about control, sex, debasement and violence but mostly control. Ultimately the issue is taking something that someone doesn’t want to give you and making them hurt and gratifying your own desires. I’m sure that many a rapist takes a lot of joy out of just casing pain and harm and maybe they can’t get sexually aroused unless they hurt someone first. Essentially when you break it down to core motivation it aways comes back to control: controlling and taking from someone else and controlling your own personal gratification that you receive from the act. How else could a guy get and keep an erection while raping someone if it wasn’t about power and control?
I should know…unfortunately I’ve been there personally.
You’re thinking from a man’s point of view. Men can control whenever we have sex.
It is about a lack of control…..
I believe you would have to be raped to understand the savage degregation that stimulates the predator. A mutually consenting sexual act reflects vulnerability of both partners. The act of rape is violence, perhaps stemming from a need to “control another,” inflict humiliation and harm on another human being. That’s my take on it.
Bow chicka wow wow?
Yes.
Most of the time it is. Obviously, the sick bastard gets turned on by humiliating and controlling his victim, but it is way more about control than it is about sex. Some pathetic non-men need this sort of control to get an erection.
Healthy sex is about expressing love, or at the very least pleasure. Mentally healthy people do not take any pleasure out of tormenting another against their will. The very fact that the rapist derives pleasure from the unwillingness of the victim shows it is not about sex but power.
Having never got the urge to rape someone, I wouldn’t really know. I’m guessing both the desire for control and the desire for sex would be contributing factors though.
Go read the memoir “Lucky” by Alice Sebold and then tell me rape is only about sex…
Rape isn’t always about control. One of my teachers told the class that when people have repressed sexual energy (they aern’t getting any) sometimes they commit crimes in order to release it, while normal people just masturbate.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - This made me laugh, in a good way, haha, because when I thought about it, it’s so obvious! Good answer!
essentially, it’s about the sex. it is pure biology. on the most basic primitive level it happens in all species. human females are the only animals who have emotinal issues about it.
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Wow, Dan, you just become a bigger and bigger dickhead all the time.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - This was perfect.
This post… wow. If you get raped, Dan, come back and tell the rest of us your new opinion on it. Until then, shut the fuck up about things you don’t know.
Don’t act like an asshole, Dan.
I say that rape is about control and sex is just the tool used. Besides living, sexuality is the thing that we hold most dear to us. People know they can take our sexuality away by shear force and do. As most things in life, it’s all about power.
I thin it’s both.
@alyssajunkie - You said it so well.
I think it’s usually about control, but sometimes (probably in these cases the person would be mentally handicapped but not physically) it would just be about sex.
@godfatherofgreenbay - /thread